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/Exiled/
24th December 2005, 7:16 PM
my first Rpg so wish me luck. Its a pure fantasy Rpg With dragons and such.
criticism always helps. Hope its good


500 years ago the 4 nations lived in peace. The air kindom, The fire kingdom, The earth kingdom, and the Water kingdom. They had established peace and trade. Everything was great. But one day a mysterious invintation appeared before each one of the nation's lords. It told them to attend a royal ball at a neutral kingdom. It was highly secret and almost no one but the lords knew of the ball at hand. Without hesitation each one of them attended. But then something strange happened. They vanished....Never heard from again. And at the same moment bandits pirates even the forces of evil started running in to destroy and taint the land as if on cue. With this act chaos has filled the land and the world is now at war.

It is up to those who are good to investigate the mystery of the 4 kings and restore peace to the land.

It is up to those who are evil to make sure chaos will rule all and those who are viruous will fall.

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Allignment:

Good side (Self explanatory)
Neutral with good tendencies (neutral but leans towards good side)
Neutral (neutral may commit good or evil acts depending on circumstances)
Neutral with evil tendencies (Neutral but leans towards evil)
Evil (Self explanatory)

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Races

ELVES
Divine Elf (Believe in good)
Dark Elf (Believe in evil)
Night Elf (Dark blue skin moon worshippers not evil worshippers)
Wood Elf ( Forest worshippers)
Seal Elves ( Light green to light blue skin webbed hands and feet with gills and lungs

ANIMAL PEOPLE
Avion (Bird people ranges from almost entirely bird to only slight resemblence)
Lupine (wolf people See above ^)
Faylyne (Cat people see above ^)
Draykoron (Dragon people see above ^)

MISC
Dwarves
Gnomes
Halfling
Human

Arcane: (Tall pale skinned people with fin like elf ears. Theyre a little muscular and have small fangs. They enlighten themselves through intense medication through there magic practice.)

Rune: (Stocky muscular tanned skinned desert dwellers they half short elf ears and tough skin. Very good with a blade.

Volcane: ( Muscular volcanoe dwellers have light orange to dark red skin any shade of red or orange

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Classes:
Well its based off many factors. First is the element. the element branches off into 2 categories you can choose one solidly or split between the evenly or mostly one a little of another. Then its split into more categories. Attack magic, defense magic, Summoning, Buffing, Healing and transformation. You may select 3 to specialize in. And finally allignment. evil and good can drastically change the form of your magic.

FIRE
branches into
MAGMA/FIRE

EARTH
branches into
PLANT/ ROCK

SKY
branches into
LIGHTNING/WIND

WATER
branches into
WATER/ICE

also you can be more of a soldier using elemntal energies to help you or more like a pure wizard.

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FORTRESSES

you may have a fortress you gradually work on and make better. Like a base.
Pretty much your personal castle. You can hire guards and have creatures guard it. Also you can have built in defenses. Turrets.....etc.... You can eventually do tons of stuff to your fortress like turning it into a moving battle fortress.

WATER FORTRESSES
They can float on water
dive in water
Climb on ice

SKY FORTRESSES
They can fly
go into orbit
go through highly electrified areas

EARTH FORTRESSES
they can move on land
they can dig

FIRE FORTRESSES
they can move in lava and through fire
they can move on land.

Movement can be by tank like tredds, spider legs...etc....
must start out small with very few upgrades.

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ENEMIES

goblins
golems
ghosts
demons
bandits....

Pretty much everything youd expect in a fantasy world.

-------------------------------------------

THE WORLD

Rotheran is the worlds name.
no continents but there is cities which you may make up as we go along if its ok with me.

Most of the top half is ocean with scattered islands and the very top being arctic. The bottom half is foresty land with some tropical volcanic regions.
and with scatterred volcanoes. theres a large desert right below the ocean region with various other scatterred areas around.

the seasons may go and pass.

--------------------------------------
The Water kingdoms main city is Hydralan
The Earth kingdoms main city is Rusertha
The Fire kinddoms main city is pyrondar
The Sky kingdoms main city is Skysaint
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JOBS: you may get a job

Treasure hunter
Merchant
Blacksmith
enchanter
Jewler
Mercenary
Guard
Magic teacher
Student
Hunter (animal hydes and such)
Bounty hunter
engineer
Lumber Jack

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PETS: You may have a pet as long as its tamable and not overpowered or a legendary creature.

it may be

an elemental.....
dragon......
golem.......
cat.....
dog......
etc......

and they start off low level. And they can have their own powers but the must be similair to your own.

requires own sign up sheet.

------------------------------
There is now actual evil army.
They evil people may have small groups but no big force. And those who are evil may also fight other evil people for power.

If your good its the same thing as evil except youd help other groups looking to bring peace.

You may also be a member of any of the four kingdom's armies.
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WEAPONS/CLOTHES
axes....
swords....
bows....
wands....
medeival weapons. If you must have a gun it has to be like a musket.

Clothes
same thing
plate mail...
chain mail....
leather....
robes......

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besides these rules you have lots of freedom in what you do.
You may make up shrines and enemies and such as long as it dosent drastically change the plot line or do something to a player without permission. If its something drastic pm me.

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SIGN UP

Name:(Duh)
Gender:(Duh)
Age:
Race:
Element:
Type of warrior (Like specialize in swords? Healer? pure mage?)
History:
Description
personality

Other.....

FORTRESS SIGN UP

Description:
Type:
Guards:

PET SIGN UP

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Species:
Desc:
How you found:
personality.

We start off hearing about a battle thats going to happen in the Forest kingdom from some kind of source and we start to prepare to go there because many secrets may be there and you never know what you could find out.

Please be nice this is my first pg ever. Criticism sppreciated

Yami Ryu
24th December 2005, 7:27 PM
You know it's usually not a good thing with the information/sign up sheet is longer than the plot. I say you could develop the plot a bit more, maybe make it a bit more interesting, etcetc with a few more days of writing/tweaking, or hell, even a week. Maybe a month. The more time you take the better it could get.

/Exiled/
24th December 2005, 7:29 PM
So is the plot the only thing bad with it?

If i fixed the plot made it longer with more history and fixed grammical errors would it be good?
It took me about 15 min to think of this.

And do you mean your criticism in a bad way, where its totally bad and needs to be totally replaced.
Or its a good idea just needs more.