View Full Version : A sad tale

1st January 2006, 9:16 PM
A sad tale
If I could tell a story,
I would tell a sad tale,
Of painful love, and sorrowed tears.
I'd speak of how a heart's blindness,
Had benn shown the beauty of love's world.
Only to be deprived of it's stunning light,
And left in darkness once again.

If I could tell a story,
For the whole world to hear,
I would reveal a sad tale,
Of broken hearts and shattered dreams.
I'd speak of love's splendid garden,
and the roses that bloomed within.
Where a heart frolicked freely,
In peacefull bliss and unknown pain.
Only for it to prick it's finger on a thorn,
And discover the blood of misery that fell.

If I could tell a story,
For the whole world to hear,
I would confess a sad tale,
A sad tale that's my reality.

Please rate!:)

Guitar dude bill
2nd January 2006, 8:41 AM
It's OK but I reccomend you mention it's a poem.
It's got good words and effective words but they don't even rhyme. So you should make them rhyme I reccomend though. And it was very short.

Yami Ryu
2nd January 2006, 9:24 AM
Blingin G, not all poetry, song or etc of the ilk, have to rhyme. Remeber that. Alright? I suggest you continue to keep trying to learn how to review, you've still got along way to go outside of what you've copied from others actions.

Anyways for the poem; It was alright, but it felt repetitive and there were a couple of typos to, but the main problem is the flow of it, it just feels off and eh-ish. Also the fact it's feeling like the person is already revealing his or her tale in the telling of the poem, or atleast the bare gists of it. Outside of that, you do have potential kid. Or atleast from what I can see. I suggest reading a few informatives or something about writing Poems and I wish you luck.

19th January 2006, 10:28 PM
Can you hear it?
The bellowing maddening sound?
I hear it surronding me.
It's breaking the silence,
And I sense it all around.

Such saddness it brings with it.
I can fell the lonely tears it cries.
Can you fell them too?
They are forming an ocean,
That it is drowning in.

Such grief it engulfes itself in.
It seems to be living in it's own fears.
And it makes me live them too.
I am trembling from it.
Do you feel the fear?

Can you hear it?
It's getting louder by the moment.
It's screams are crying out for help.
Am I the only one who can hear,
The echoes of my soul?

Thanks for replying :);384;