View Full Version : Chaotix: Vanilla's rescue

Blaziken master
9th January 2006, 11:02 PM
This story is my first fan fiction and is based off the chaotix characters from the sonic series. So here I go!

Chaotix:Vanilla's rescue
Chapter 1:The kidnap
A colony of chao are playing by the river while Big, the lazy collosal sized cat sleeps with his cute little froggy buddy. In the nearby field, Cream and Cheese were playing. Cream is a cute rabbit who wears a red dress and a blue ribbon, while Cheese is a creature called a chao who are quite alien like and are blue. Cheese also wears a little bowtie. The pair decide to go inside for their dinner. They arrive at their home and meet Vanilla, Cream’s mother ”Hello Cream I made your favourite meal..” says Vanilla, but is interrupted by a shadowed figure who has slammed the door open. He has a sly smile, wears a cowboy like hat and brandishes a shotgun. He chuckles and says ”This will get me what I want”. A loud scream is heard from far away.

Meanwhile in the far reaches of Mobius{ To those who don’t know, the world that sonic lives in is known as this} the chaotix detective agency lies. The three members of the group are as original as most of the people of this planet. The trio of detectives are known as Vector, Espio and Charmy. The group used to have to other members by the name of Mighty and Fang, but Mighty left to see the world and Fang betrayed them for money. Vector is a crocodile who likes music, food and adventure. He is the leader of the group and his catchphrase is known to most as ”We never turn work that pays!”. Espio is a chameleon that specializes in ninja skills. His special weapons are shuriken stars that explode on impact. His personality is calm and clear, but will step up to the task if needed. The third and final member is Charmy the bee who is the childish immature one. He may be small, but when angry he will pack one hell of a sting. The gang are relaxing on a sunny morning, waiting for a case to solve. Vector was calmly listening to his music, Espio sleeping by the cupboard and Charmy sleeping in the cupboard. Just then there is a knock at the door and Cream the rabbit rushes in and says that her mother has been kidnapped.The trio leap to their feet and accept the challenge. The gang are back in business!

End of part 1

Hope you like it guys, that’s only an introduction of course

9th January 2006, 11:16 PM
This is...lacking in the description...so short...*eyes ish bleeding*

Blaziken master
10th January 2006, 10:40 PM
I'm going to try and lengthen it for the next chapters expect plenty of adventure!

14th January 2006, 3:25 PM
But that doesn't fix it, you still have to add so much more description, length, etc. Most people do this, they say they'll lengthen it in the next chapter but they really don't. OK, so they lengthen it by, like, a paragraph. But anyway, this is going to get closed before you get better.