View Full Version : The Man Who Cried "Cracker" (rated CS for Comedy and Stupid stuff)

10th January 2006, 1:38 AM
welcome to my first fic!!! this story is based on the fic :"The Boy Who Cried Wolf". The fic is about an old man that loves crackers and so does his family, as they go to the forest to eat lunch, they are shocked to find out that there are no crackers inside their lunch bags. Then the old man tricks them into thinking that there are crackers at the far end of the forest

Chapter1: "I See Crackers!"

There was an old man that loved to eat crackers. His family loved to eat them too,infact they loved it more then the old man. One day they went to the forest to have lunch down by the pond. When they opened up their lunch bags, they yelled "NO CRACKERS?! AAAHHH!!!" but then the man yelled " look over there! I see crackers!" his family ran right out of sight, he laughed and said to himself " YES! I am soooooo good at this! Score one for me and score zero for them!".

Chapter2:"Is He Lying?!"

The next day they decided to stay home for lunch. The man went to eat in his backyard to set up a plan to trick his family again. Then the old man came running back in yelling "Crackers!" and they all came running into the backyard looking for their favorate food.Yet again they fell for it and the old man was laughing so hard that he almost fell down the stairs!

Chapter3: "Ok, Were Not Stupid Morons You Know"

The next day when they got their food from a fast-food restaurant, the man said "Crackers! Over there!" and his family said " oh come on! this has gotta stop! You must think were pretty stupid to fall for that again!" but the old man wasn't kidding this time, then a great big cracker came along, went and ate them all up and said to itself " That oughta teach them not to eat my brothers and sisters ever again!"
so how did you like my first fic? coming soon on Febuary 17 2006: Chapter4: "Since When Do Crackers Have Human Body Parts!?"

Angelic Elf Ivy
10th January 2006, 11:30 PM
I know you're young and that this is your first fan fiction, but I'm gonna go ahead and point out the errors that I found.

When they opened up thier
It's spelled their.

When you have a new person speak you start a new paragraph. An example would be when the family speaks and then the guy speaks. When the guy starts speaking you switch to a new paragraph.

Where it's underlined you need a space and the bolded word should be spelled we're.

fast-food resturant
It's spelled restaurant.

And now, one of the most important rules for fan fictions! The fiction has to be at least a page long. For more info on that look at the fan fiction rules (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993) because I do not lie when I tell you such things. Also description is much needed. I'm sure you can come up with at least a little description, and the more you write the better it'll get. I also highly suggest a beta reader (someone who reads your fic [or chapter] before you post it and point out the errors so you can correct them) for your fic if you want to continue this.