View Full Version : Murder: A Manifesto (Preview)

28th January 2006, 3:34 AM
Well, as you may or may not know, I was somewhat recently working on a project entitled Circle of the Tyrants. Though I had great plans for that story, I found my considerably potent karma lashing out again as I decided to system restore my computer. I saved all of my word files to a disc and initiated the restore, and after that completed, put the disc in to get my files back. Alas, the disc was evidently empty, though I received no error messages or warnings when I wrote the files to CD. Consequently, I lost what I had written of Circle of the Tyrants, and, unfortunately, could not get myself inspired to rewrite what I had written. Therefore, we have this thread.

I have started work on a new project, entitled (if you couldn’t guess) Murder: A Manifesto. The story revolves around a man by the name of Dimitri Vilkates, a member of the criminal organization Rocket. Now, before you turn tail and run, give me a chance to elaborate.

First of all, the organization is Rocket, not Team Rocket. I dropped the ‘Team’ not to try and lure readers into a false sense of security, but because the entire ‘team’ part of all of Pokemon’s organizations make them sound juvenile and rather ridiculous. My Rocket will bare no resemblance to the Team Rocket of the anime or video games. They don’t go around stealing Pokemon or anything like that.

Rocket is a true criminal organization. I suppose the best way I could describe them would be to relate them to the mafia. Imagine the structure of the Italian/Sicilian mafia with the brutality of the Russian mafia and you will have something of an idea of Rocket. They are a brutal syndicate, many of its members more closely identified as serial killers, psychopaths, and any other advocate of depravity imaginable.

As I said, the story revolved around Dimitri Vilkates, one of Rocket’s most vicious enforcers riddled with such a variety of psychological disorders that no psychologist could properly diagnose the extent of his problems. That is, until now.

Dimitri was captured shortly before the start of the story, and was effortlessly convicted and sentenced to execution via electrocution. He was immediately brought to the head of the line and has a few short weeks before his date with death. He has, however, agreed to meet with a psychologist specializing in criminal psychology for an in-depth case study lasting the rest of his sentence.

The story will be told in flashback form, narrated by Dimitri. If you have ever seen Interview With the Vampire, that is pretty much how this story will be presented. I am still debating whether or not to have some third-person interjections, but I’m pretty sure it will be fully in the first person. Flashbacks will have italicized parts which will be the actual narration and then will phase into scenes in regular writing.

As for the genre of the story, it will be something along the lines of Drama and Horror. By horror, I mean more along the lines of “real” horror. Real horror in the sense of things that could easily happen in real life, devoid of the supernatural or paranormal. Rape, murder, torture in the vilest extremes, with a few twists that I hope will serve to rivet.

I present this fiction as a work that will undermine anyone’s vision of evil organizations in Pokemon. For anyone who has every sighed, rolled their eyes, or groaned in disgust at the mere mention of ‘Team Rocket’ (for I am one of them), I write this for us.

Let the wounds open and the lifeblood stain the pages.


“Before I begin, doctor, I must take this time to turn the tables and ask you a question,” I said, leaning forward as far in the chair as I could without having the handcuffs rip at my flesh. I felt strands of loose hair shiver across my forehead as I stared at her. I knew my eyes were burning holes into her flesh and spirit, because she gave me that look that everyone always did when I bored into their soul. I scared her. I knew this, even though I had only been sitting with her for a few moments. The button on her pen which she had been pressing nervously found itself suddenly out of rhythm as her thumb missed its mark. She tried to look at me; I saw her eyes quaver and vibrate, urging themselves to meet mine.

I loved to see them like this. My mouth spread into a menacing smile and my tongue swept across my teeth in a single motion. She shifted about in her seat and flipped the page in her notebook.

“Are you ready, doctor? Are you prepared to delve into a past so Hellish that it could keep you up at night, much like it has kept me awake? To hear the screams of victims so numerous that you might very well fall to the insanity that you so zealously study? I will hold nothing back, doctor. You will feel the cold steel in your hands, you will taste the blood. You will see the anguished faces of the victims of psychotic brutality. You will see flayed flesh and dismemberment, bodily fluids so vulgar you will wonder how they could have come out of a human. Killing through the eyes of the killer and the victim is nothing like it is through the eyes of the outsider. The spectator. The average person. The doctor. When I’m done with my story you may very well beg me to kill you.”

At that point I exploded in laughter, keeping my eyes baring down on her. The guard sprinted across the room and grabbed me by the shoulders, slamming me back into chair. I didn’t stop laughing for a few more moments, for the tears and fear welling in the dear doctor’s eyes kept me going. When I did stop, I spoke again.

“Well then… where shall we begin?”

Saffire Persian
28th January 2006, 5:38 AM
Well, Dias, I haven't read any of your work before, but I think I shall quite enjoy this. You know what this preview kinda reminded me of? Silence of the Lambs.... or whatever that movie's called. Dimitri just reminds me of the main murderer character of that movie... very nice. The scene with Dimitri and the doctor had a nice, chilling feel.

The point of view is also something that I'd like to comment on - first, I thought that maybe it would've been better done in third, but as I finished the segment, first seems to suit this very well, and I'm interesting in your portrayal of the 'Rocket' organization while your at it.

Good luck at it.

RaZoR LeAf
28th January 2006, 12:24 PM
There's Dimitri again, you love that name don't you? Well I guess you decided to write instead of play Majora's Mask yesterday, and good choice too. This looks great, a real story of 'Team' Rocket, one that makes them into a real organisation of evil rather than a petty "we steal pokemon" *giggle* that the game and anime expects us to beleive. Can wait to see the finished product.

29th January 2006, 2:27 AM
Thank you both for the comments. I suppose I'll admit that I am somewhat surprised that this drew any attention at all, mainly because I originally felt that it was not the sort of thing that would attract the attention of people here (a sweeping generalization, but one made with the reinforcement of previous experiences).

Saffire Persian; I am quite the fan of any and all movies focusing on criminal psychosis; Silence of the Lambs (and its two successors) being among my favorites. Doctor Hannibal Lecter is probably one of my favorite villians, though I did not consciously associate Hannibal with Dimitri, but I suppose, reflecting on it, the presented scene does seem like something akin to Silence of the Lambs. On the other hand, Agent Clarice Starling (the protagonist of Silence of the Lambs) was in the forefront of my mind when writing this story's psychologist. The character who very much wants to get into the mind of the criminal, but scares her to do so. As the story unfolds, however, I think you will dissociate Dimitri with Hannibal.

As far as point of view, I'm still debating on how I will present it. I think I will write a passage in full first person, and then write it again in the transitional first-third person I have in my head and see the feedback on it.

Dan: Thanks for reading. Of course I love the name Dimitri - it does seem to pop up often for me. I won't go into the Majora's Mask as we've already discussed that earlier today and our discordance on the Great bay Temple. I also won't get into much of how Rocket will really be, as you know now firsthand after I revealed to you some planned scenes.

I think I'll throw in some passages, every now and again until I start posting proper, whicn I hope will be soon.

Saffire Persian
1st February 2006, 3:39 AM
Well, criminal psychoses fascinates me, too. Which is probably why I liked this little preview so much - and Hannibal (thanks for providing the name; I haven't seen it in ages) is my all-time favorite character from those movies... there's just an eerie feeling that's portrayed whenever you hear his voice... if you manage to pull that kind of atmosphere off in your story (you seem to be doing a great job so far) I'll enjoy this story immensely.

Good luck.

1st February 2006, 3:49 AM
All I can say: Holy crap, it's about time someone other than me decides to do a Mafia-style organization. ^^; Got to love those types of guys. And it's horror. Even more plus.

I'm getting major Silence of the Lambs vibes from this, too, which I'm looking forward to. I enjoy these types of narrated flashback stories. ^^

I only spied one typo-- 'bared' coulda been beared. And there's just one other thing that bugs me-- it somehow doesn't sound right, perhaps "gouged" or "scraped" could work better.

Can't wait to read this, and I hope you actually do complete this one. XD

3rd February 2006, 5:01 PM
I hope I finish it as well.. I have a good feeling about it. I already have a very good idea of how it will progress and quite frankly I cannot wait to write the end. Hopefully that anticipation will keep a smooth course.

Just an update, im a bit more than halfway through chapter one, and I'll probably release it this weekend. I haven't had much time to write this week but im done with classes until monday, so hopefully i'll have it posted by sunday.

I'm going to refrain from posting another preview bit as, from what I have written so far, nothing really would make sense or serve to be a good preview excerpt.

Anyway, thanks for the replies and interest.

Ryano Ra
5th February 2006, 12:10 AM
Beautiful. Just beautiful.

It is about damn time somebody worked with Team Rocket and exceeded their usually-clumsy boundaries and took them to the pinnacle of threats and achievement. I've been dying to read a good Team Rocket fanfiction for quite some time now, and I can't wait to see the Pokemon they will possess - they usually work with dark, poison, and ground, so they should have a spread variety. The preview was rather fascinating, and just brought me here - I loved all of your stories, and I can't wait to read this one. And must I add that Dimitri is a divine name to use.

5th February 2006, 3:12 AM
Thank you for taking time to partake in this thread, Syra, and I hope this story will meet your expectations.

That said, I give you Murder: A Manifesto