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Lady Myuu
17th May 2006, 9:20 PM
Hope its ok I sticky this.

About:

This RPG school as it says is for beginners, meaning for members who have been here a short time and or just need help with getting the idea of how to RP. This will be a hand on experience for them to try and understand how the process works and how to get accepted almost every time into a RPG and understand how to participate with out fail in a RPG.

Warning:

When you participate in this school you are liable to be warned greatly if you do NOT show the progress you make in here in other RPG’s. Meaning if you work hard here, you better work just as hard out of here. Or else.


How this works:

This will be a step-by-step progress. Certain things will be taught and explained at certain points and people can just try with out having to ‘join.’ Meaning if you want to be apart of the school, you don’t have to post going “Can I join?” You just have to start from the beginning of the lesson and work you way through until you’re caught up.

Each step will be explained in great detail and have a ‘wrong way’ and a ‘right way’ example for one to look at. Do not bluntly copy the example.

The school will be starting with how to join a rpg, as creating a rpg is harder and should probably be left alone until a beginner has more experience in participating in someone’s rpg.

Rules:

1. Do not ask to join, just jump right in and work your way through.

2. Have read the rules and advice and any other RPG sticky. This includes following these rules.

3. Be patient with other players and respect the GMs and Mods.

4. Try to improve and take critiquing willingly.


Step-by-step:

1. I will explain the plot of the RPG to you and the sign ups for it.

2. I will create a ‘wrong way’ sign up.

3. Then I will create a ‘right way’ sign up.

4. Then you will create your own sign up and I will ‘grade it.’ Telling you what needs to improve and what needs to be cut all together.

5. Once about five people have reached a suitable goal, I will move on to the next lesson.

The next lesson will be explained later.



LESSON ONE: Joining a RPG and creating a Signup!




Note: I am using a simple trainer plot for this. These are the simplest and the most overused. This is very simple. Trainer plot was provided by Renegade as she is helping me. No she isn’t critiquing you all can stop worrying :P


Training School:

Plot: Kanto is starting up a new challenge for trainers. Double Battle Gyms. The challenge is to have two pokemon and use only two pokemon throughout the league. Though you are allowed to capture other pokemon, the league wants to see if someone can do it with two pokemon alone.

But while this is going on, strange things have been happening, pokemon or trainers have gone missing, trainers usually show up sometime later after disappearing, with bad cases of Amnesia, but it's few and far between so no one has connected trainers and pokemon going missing. Just tossed it up as random things.

You've probably heard of it but like most you put it aside as to pokemon running away and like most others you assume that the unlucky trainers had a run in with a Slowbro or something.

Each trainer will receive their Pokemon in pallet town from the professor there, Emily Oak (Great granddaughter of the professor Oak) Only Kanto pokemon are available in this RPG meaning you can not catch Johto/Hoenn pokemon.

Starter pokemon: there is no limit to pokemon, meaning that once one is taken it’s not gone. Anyone can have any pokemon they want from these lists. But you can not have two of the same pokemon nor can you have two pokemon of the same type.

Water pokemon: Squrtile. Magikarp. Staryu.

Fire pokemon: Charmander. Vulpix. Ponyta.

Grass pokemon: Bulbasour. Oddish. Bellsprout.




~*~

Gyms: Gym leaders don’t have only Kanto pokemon.

First Gym
Name: Embyr
Gender: Male
Pokemon: Cyndaquil & Torchic
Crimson Badge
Town: Viridian

Second Gym
Name: Ty
Gender: Male
Pokemon: Delcatty & Aipom
Silver Badge
Town: Cerulean City

Third Gym
Name: Lilly
Gender: Female
Pokemon: Nidoking & Nidoqueen
Violet Badge
Town: Saffron

Fourth Gym
Name: Ruth
Gender: Male
Pokemon: Sableye & Mightyena
Ebony Badge
Town: Fuchisa

Final Gym
Name: Emily
Gender: Female
Pokemon: Altaria & Skarmory
Navy Badge
Town: Cannibar


~*~

Sign up:

Name:
Age: (12-15)
Gender:
Personality:
Description:
History: (Just a little about your hometown, how you grew up and why you became a trainer)
Pokemon: You will need two of these.

Type:
Name:
Gender:
Personality: (Note these can be simple personality traits but still don’t make them TOO simple)


Examples:

The Wrong way

Name: John
Age: 12
Gender: male
Personality: he likes to go swimming and loves water pokemon. He has a bad temper though but is a really good friend. He can also talk to pokemon and understand them.
Description: he wears black t-shirts and baggy jeans. He has brown spiked hair and is really tall.
History: John is an orphan as his parents died in a fire. He became a trainer because he likes to watch battles.

Pokemon:

Type: Squirtle
Name: Squirt
Gender: male
Personality: Really tough and cocky.

Type: Oddish
Name: Dish
Gender: female
Personality: very shy and silly.



The right way:

Name: Erin
Age: 14
Gender: female
Personality: Erin at first is a rather shy person, she doesn’t like to talk to a lot of people and would rather just be left alone. Though she isn’t one to be rude at all and while she likes to be alone then again she does get lonely. She is very self cautious and often thinks of the worse things to happen. She does enjoy a good book to read and will often go outside to enjoy nature while she reads.

Erin is also rather emotional and gets very attached to people who are able to get close to her. Once she becomes someone’s friend she will usually stick by them and defend them. Even if she isn’t one for a lot of words.

Description: She stands around 5’2 and has a very pale completion. She has light blonde hair which grows to her shoulders. But she keeps it back in a lose ponytail. Her face is covered in freckles. Her eyes are a gentle blue green and are behind a pair of glasses. Her rather thin fragile form is clothed in a green sleeveless shirt with a pink tank top over it. She wears a pair of jean shorts that are just above her knee.

Erin wears a pair of green flip flops. She wears an ankle and a wrist bracelet that match. She carries a pretty yellow back pack that is full of pokemon guide books and a few notebooks and other girl needs.

History: Erin grew up in the small town of levander. She was an only child raised by her father mostly as her mother lived far off and never had the income capable of raising her daughter. Erin’s childhood, though a bit broken, wasn’t a bad one. She had plenty of friends and enjoyed school until she turned ten. That’s when she began to grow distant from people, even her father, when her father noticed how secluded she was becoming he signed her up for the new double battle league. Erin didn’t want to go but was soon sent on her way to pallet via plane and landed in the city of Viridian and took a bus to Pallet… where her journey would soon begin.


Pokemon:

Type: Oddish
Name: Mandy
Gender: female
Personality: Mandy is a rather naďve young oddish, she listens well but just doesn’t always get what is going on and is even sometimes oblivious when she is in battle. Mandy adores Poe as if Poe was her sibling.

Type: Charmander
Name: Poe
Gender: female
Personality: Poe is a rather strong willed little charmander, she doesn’t like to give up and often doesn’t even listen. As she thinks she can handle battles on her own. She doesn’t like Mandy to much as she finds the oddish annoying and stupid.


~*~

Your first objective:

now is to create a sign up for this RPG. Use the forums provided and try your best. I will correct you if they do not fulfill what is needed. If you need help just ask. I want you all to learn and I won’t be hard on you unless you aren’t even trying.

Grades:

F: Scrap the whole signup and try again. It didn't pass at all.

D:While it would be best to scrap it, I will critic majorly at what needs repair.

C: Don't scrap it but it still needs alot of work and will get criticed.

B: Acceptible but could always be improved.

A: Pretty darn good, acceptible and passes with flying colors. Though there is always room for improvment this is the best grade one can get.

Raider Phoenix
17th May 2006, 11:12 PM
Name: Pheonix Aurion
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Personality: Pheonix takes everything seriously. He doesn't take breaks for fun but only for eating and sleeping. Pheonix has no sense of humor and because of that Pheonix has rarely laughed. He is pretty much anti-social. Pheonix doesn't trust people because of an accident that happened to his family. Although he doesn't socialize, Pheonix actually helps anyone in desprate need of help.

Description: Pheonix is about 5'6 ft tall. He is light-weight so he weighs about 80 lbs. Pheonix is very slim but not so slim that somebody can compare his body with a stick. His arms are somewhat long in length. He has light auburn hair that is messy but still somehow tidy. When somebody looks at his eyes that person only sees light blue eyes that show sadness.

History: Pheonix grew up in Viridian City. There he had a happy family. When he turned 10, Pheonix was given an Charmander as a gift. Only a few days after that his father's best friend, Mithos killed Pheonix's father and mother. Pheonix was luck and escaped with Whip his Eevee. Pheonix was soon found and was taken in by his foster family. His foster family allowed Pheonix to keep his last name. Pheonix had a somewhat un-eventful life. The only happy occasions were his birthdays. Soon enough Pheonix wanted to enter the Double League and he did. Later on Pheonix found out why Mithos killed his family. Mithos was being blackmailed by a person who only revealed his nickname: ShadowWarrior.

Pokemon:

Type: Charmander
Name: Whip
Gender: Male
Personality: Whip would be like the strong and silent type. Whip takes after Pheonix and rarely converses with other Pokemon.

Type: Ponyta
Name: Rush
Gender: Male
Personality: Rush is more like the opposite of Pheonix. Rush is friendly and does talk with other Pokemon. He is like the Pokemon version of Brock. Rush flirts with any Ponyta he sees. Constantly, Whip has to drag Rush away from Ponyta females.

TheTurquoiseTauros!
17th May 2006, 11:26 PM
Name: Justin Conway
Age: 15
Gender: male
Personality: Justin likes to smile alot on a count of he is happy most of the time. He will always stick up for his friends and family and he hopes they will do the same for him. Justin has a way with words and likes to talk alot, and alot of people find that he is very annoying but he doesnt really care what people say about him. He is no where near a leader and will sometimes take constructive cridisism personaly. Justin will also take directions, most of the time,without hesitation. Justin likes to be the center of attention sometimes because of the lack of attention he gets. He know the reason for that is his inability to take comand.Justin is also very anxious and can hardly ever sit still.

Description: Justin stands about 5 feet 3 inches and he wieghs around 120 pounds. He doesnt have much mussle and he doesnt really work out and it shows. He has short dirty blond hair that looks sun bleached and it also has green highlights on the top of his head. Justin has bright blue eyes and thats the first thing people notice about him, his eyes. They change color all the time, sometimes there green or grey but mostly there blue. He has on a blue vest that covers part of the white longsleeve shirt he has on under it. Justin also wears cream colored cargos and they have a lot of pockets where he puts his possesions. He mostly wears brown sandels that he scrapes on the floor when he walks. Justin has a silver Rolex watch on his right wrist which he never takes off as he is always wanting to know what time it is.

History: Justin grew up in the town of Fushia City. He loved that town because he and his mother would go watch the gym leader at the pokemon gym and watch him battle all the trainers that would challenge him. Justin would sit there for hours and watch him battle all the weaklings and the stronger trainers. The other reason he loved Fushia city was because of the Safari zone. Justin's mother would take him there to look at all the pokemon. He wouldn't catch anythin of course because he was too young but his mother would catch all kinds of pokemon. She caught so many that they made there own little pokemon corral in the backyard which was a couple acres wide. But one time something bad happend, Justin almost got hurt by a parasect and his father got angery at his mom for having all the pokemon. His mom wouldnt get rid of them so Justin's father threatened to leave. He got over it though and said they could keep the pokemon if there was an adult around at all times to supervise.

Pokemon:

Type: staryu
Name: Pointy(i wish i could have a slowpoke)
Gender: male
personality: Pointy is a very shy staryu but likes to battle. He has a lot to learn about battling because he hasnt won very many battles. Pointy will often run away instead of battle.

Type: bellsprout
Name: Trape'
Gender: female
Personality: Trape' is very self centered and she thinks very highly of herself. She will act first,think last. She thinks Justin has no need for his other pokemon and thinks she's all he needs.

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 12:12 AM
Here we go:

Currently regrading.


Raider Phoenix


Name: Pheonix Aurion
Age: 15
Gender: Male

This is fine. XD


Personality: Pheonix takes everything seriously. He doesn't take breaks for fun but only for eating and sleeping. Pheonix has no sense of humor and because of that Pheonix has never laughed. He is pretty much anti-social. Pheonix doesn't trust people because of an accident that happened to his family. Although he doesn't socialize, Pheonix actually helps anyone in desprate need of help.

Never ever laugh? Even when was little? isn't that a little inhuman? His personality isn't tottally believible. I suggest you think about it a bit more, I mean while he dose't socialize much he seems a bit more robotic then human. Does he not have any other emotions other being dead serious all the time?


Description: Pheonix is about 5'6 ft tall. He is light-weight so he weighs about 80 lbs. Pheonix is very slim but not so slim that somebody can compare his body with a stick. His arms are somewhat long in length. He has light auburn hair that is messy but still somehow tidy. When somebody looks at his eyes that person only sees light blue eyes that show no emotion.

This is fine though there goes the no emotion, man is this guy a robot? Out of all parts of the body, it is the eyes that are like windows to ones soul. he can be all serious as he wants but he is human and I am sure he still feels emotion. He doesn't have to show it though, but eyes tend to give one away.


History: Pheonix grew up in Viridian City. There he had a happy family. When he turned 10, Pheonix was given an Eevee as a gift. Only a few days after that his father's best friend, Mithos killed Pheonix's father and mother. Pheonix was luck and escaped with Whip his Eevee. Pheonix was soon found and was taken in by his foster family. His foster family allowed Pheonix to keep his last name. Pheonix had a somewhat un-eventful life. The only happy occasions were his birthdays. Soon enough Pheonix wanted to enter the Double League and he did. On his way Pheonix found a Fire Stone and when it came into contact with Whip, he evolved into Flareon.

Yeah you gotta watch those best friends, they will jsut randomly kill your parents. It happens all the time. No wait... no it doesn't. This history while long enough is a bit wtf and doesn't really make sense. Why did his dad's best friend just go and randomly kill the parents? Did he get punished? I know your trying to make a dramatic history but that just isn't believible.

Also, you are a beginning trainer and there should be no reason for the eevee what so ever. I have offered the pokemon avaible and it is not eevee nor flareon. This will affect your grade greatly for ignoring this.

Pokemon:


Type: Flareon
Name: Whip
Gender: Male
Personality: Whip would be like the strong and silent type. Whip takes after Pheonix and rarely converses with other Pokemon.

I don't see Eevee or Flareon listed in the aviable pokemon list. Unless the gm stats otherwise in PM or something, this isn't allowed and shows you can not read a proper plot.


Type: Ponyta
Name: Rush
Gender: Male
Personality: Rush is more like the opposite of Pheonix. Rush is friendly and does talk with other Pokemon. He is like the Pokemon version of Brock. Rush flirts with any Ponyta he sees. Constantly, Whip has to drag Rush away from Ponyta females.

This is fine...


Final grade: C-

You got some major edits here, the history doesn't make sense and then there is the eevee which just breaks the whole point of having a list of pokemon you can get. I know it plays in with the history but no, sorry. Get rid of it.

Fix the history and take out the flareon. Also try and think of real emotion and just don't skip out on it.



~*~

porygon2lover


note: what amazes me about your sign up is all the effort you put into it. If you put half the effort into other rpgs perhaps I wouldn't yell at you so much.


Regrading:



Name:Justin Conway
Age:15
Gender:male

This is fine.



Personality:Justin likes to smile alot on a count of he is happy most of the time. He will always stick up for his friends and family and he hopes they will do the same for him. Justin has a way with words and likes to talk alot,and for some reason no one finds him annoying. He is no where near a leader and will sometimes take constructive cridisism personaly. Justin will also take directions,most of the time,without hesitation. Justin likes to be the center of attention sometimes because of the lack of attention he gets. He know the reason for that is his inability to take comand.Justin is also very anxious and can hardly ever sit still.

For someone who isn't found annoying, he seems completly annoying. I'd find him annoying. Its not bad though, just a bit well um, he would be annoying to me. I'd take that out if I were you, as other peopels characters will decide if he annoys them or not.


Description:Justin stands about 5 feet 3 inches and he wieghs around 120 pounds. He doesnt have much mussle and he doesnt really work out and it shows. He has short dirty blond hair that looks sun bleached and it also has green highlights on the top of his head. Justin has bright blue eyes and thats the first thing people notice about him,his eyes. The change color all the time,sometimes there green or grey but mostly there blue. He has on a blue vest that covers part of the white longsleeve shirt he has on under it. Justin also wears cream colored cargos and they have a lot of pockets where he puts his possesions. He mostly wears brown sandels that he scrapes on the floor when he walks.Justin has a silver Rolex watch on his right wrist which he never takes off as he is always wanting to know what time it is.

This is fine, not great but its fine. Though I suggest that you put spaces between the : as you did this every time.

Discription:Justin

it should be Discription: Justin

Also when you use a , put a space after this as well. You might want to run your su through a spell check, though I am not great at catching everything some of the miner things would be caught by it.



History:Justin grew up in the town of Fushia City. He loved that town because the gym leader would always stop by his house and show off his sableye and mightyena. Justin would sit there for hours and watch him battle with his own pokemon. The other reason he loved Fushia city was because of the Safari zone. Justin's mother would take him there to look at all the pokemon. He wouldnt catch anythin of course because he was too young but his mother would catch all kinds of pokemon. She caught so many that they madt there own little pokemon corral in the backyard which was a couple acres wide. But one time something bad happend,Justin almost got hurt by a parasect and his father got angery at his mom for having all the pokemon.His mom wouldnt get rid of them so Justin's father left. Justin's dad still calls him once in a blue moon but he never comes to see his son.

The Gym leader just randomly going by his house and showing off his pokemon? I think not, as the gym leader would have better things to do then to show off the pokemon. Like training and battling at the gym perhaps?

Also, the whole 'zomg my son got hurt so I shall just leave him in your care' is kinda silly. I mean if the father was that worried about Justin being harmed by his mother's pokemon... why would he just leave him with her and only call every once in awhile?

Pokemon:


Type:staryu
Name:Pointy
Gender:male
personality:Pointy is a very shy staryu but likes to battle. He has a lot to learn about battling because he hasnt won very many battles. Pointy will often run away instead of battle.

Type:bellsprout
Name:Trape'
Gender:female
Personality:Trape' is very self centered and she thinks very highly of herself. She will act first,think last. She thinks Justin has no need for his other pokemon and thinks she's all he needs.


This is fine though remember the spaces are needed. Though it is a bit like my characters pokemon, a tough pokemon and a weaker one.

Final Grade: C

You need to put more spaces and to edit your history a bit and personality. Though if you put half as much effort into joining other rpgs like you did to this you should be alright. But you still need alot of work.





I suggest you both make these edits and let me know when they are complete and I will regrade. You need a B- to pass.

TheTurquoiseTauros!
18th May 2006, 12:45 AM
OK Lady Myuu, I hope I did ok, I really want to pass and I have one question, do we put a space after a period in the begining of a sentence? Also Im sorry but I dont have spell check that I could find.

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 12:49 AM
do you use ms word? Spell check is the abc thing with a check mark on it. Also you always put a space after a period or a comma. You always capilize after a period as well. Would you like me to regrade now or let you finish?

TheTurquoiseTauros!
18th May 2006, 12:51 AM
Ok, I think I am ready to be evaluated.

Oh and lady myuu, you arent so bad after all. I did think of you as a little bossy but now I know thats just your job.

Raider Phoenix
18th May 2006, 12:55 AM
I edited it. Can you please check it and see if you could regrade it?

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 1:04 AM
Its called tough love, Porygonlover2, sometimes I just gotta be hard on people to get the point across. I don't like being bossy or mean but then again, its sometimest he only way.

I'll regrade it and edit this soon Raider Phoenix.

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 1:14 AM
Hun, posts like that are what get you in trouble. You have to give me time to grade you and the other one. I will let you know when I am finished grading and showing what I like and dislike.

Posts like that are spam, you do not ask the GM if the rpg is going to start soon, you do not ask if this or that. Unless this relates to helping you join or reply or something and asking a helpful question then don't bother posting.

It counted as spam, this is why I started teh school to help reduce that. Give peopel time to do things, I don't want to do this all the time I want to do other things as well.

I don't want to be mean but you have to understand that you have to post with meaning and something that contributes to the thread.

I am really glad you are perticipating in this school as I think it will be good for you... please try and understand.

Kazuki Yukimura
18th May 2006, 1:19 AM
Please, wait for me!

Name: Jin Takius

Age: 13

Gender: Male

Personality: Jin is a really sad boy, who tries to make friends but is rejected by others for being a little weird, like, talking to himself.He actually has got a friend. But, even in this situations, he is suprisingly strong willed, and will never give up, even in the worst situations. (I know, I abused the ''but''here)

Description: Jin uses his black, long and smooth hair in a ponytail which goes until his waist. He wears a black-sleeved shirt, with 'Sadness' writen on it with white letters. He also wears some dark-blue trousers, and black shoes, with a white stripe on the sides.

History: Jin´s parents died when he was just a baby, with three years old. It was in that time people started to notice that he was really sad. But, getting back to the history, he was taken to a orphanage, where he lived until he completed five years old, when he was adopted by the Takius family. When he completed ten years old, he started to travel, even with his parents worrying so much about him, he left his house, with his Pokémon on his side.

Pokemon:

Type: Squirtle

Name: Skipper

Gender: Male

Personality: Skipper is very shy in comparison to other aquatic pokémon , but he doesn´t let it affect his battle abilities. He really prefer to play with other Pokémon than battling then, which caused trouble on Jin gym leader battles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pokemon:


Type: Bellsprout

Name: Bellsy

Gender: Female

Personality: Bellsy is really mean to other Pokemon, but, she is really kind to Skipper, for a mysterious reason. She really likes to battle agains´t pokémon stronger than her, like, for example, fighting a Charizard. That deail made Jin take her to a Pokémon Center a lot of times.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heh, I need to improve too XD Very much

Edit------------

Okay, about the weird thing, I don´t think it´s weird talking alone, or, with myself, because, well, I do that all the time, because people ignore me, or doesn´t even notice that I´m in their side... Sad isn´t it?... I doesn´t even know why I am writing this...

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 1:40 AM
And here we go again:


Name: Pheonix Aurion
Age: 15
Gender: Male

This is fine again XD



Personality: Pheonix takes everything seriously. He doesn't take breaks for fun but only for eating and sleeping. Pheonix has no sense of humor and because of that Pheonix has rarely laughed. He is pretty much anti-social. Pheonix doesn't trust people because of an accident that happened to his family. Although he doesn't socialize, Pheonix actually helps anyone in desprate need of help.

Much better, makes alot more sense.


Description: Pheonix is about 5'6 ft tall. He is light-weight so he weighs about 80 lbs. Pheonix is very slim but not so slim that somebody can compare his body with a stick. His arms are somewhat long in length. He has light auburn hair that is messy but still somehow tidy. When somebody looks at his eyes that person only sees light blue eyes that show sadness.

Again much better, were on a roll.


History: Pheonix grew up in Viridian City. There he had a happy family. When he turned 10, Pheonix was given an Charmander as a gift. Only a few days after that his father's best friend, Mithos killed Pheonix's father and mother. Pheonix was luck and escaped with Whip his Eevee. Pheonix was soon found and was taken in by his foster family. His foster family allowed Pheonix to keep his last name. Pheonix had a somewhat un-eventful life. The only happy occasions were his birthdays. Soon enough Pheonix wanted to enter the Double League and he did. Later on Pheonix found out why Mithos killed his family. Mithos was being blackmailed by a person who only revealed his nickname: ShadowWarrior.

You got a little sideplot going on here, which isn't a bad thing really. I see you typoed eevee in there which can be easiyl edited so I wont take down the grade for that. Just make sure to remember that while you can have a nice history like that, the gm is in charge of the rpg and decides the plot in the long run.

Pokemon:


Type: Charmander
Name: Whip
Gender: Male
Personality: Whip would be like the strong and silent type. Whip takes after Pheonix and rarely converses with other Pokemon.

Type: Ponyta
Name: Rush
Gender: Male
Personality: Rush is more like the opposite of Pheonix. Rush is friendly and does talk with other Pokemon. He is like the Pokemon version of Brock. Rush flirts with any Ponyta he sees. Constantly, Whip has to drag Rush away from Ponyta females.

*sigh* ok I didn't think of this before but I just noticed that you have two fire pokemon. I listed in the pokemon section you have to have two of different types, so all you have to do is change one to either grass or water, I know you probably just want fire pokemon but thats in the rules.

I give you a simple: B-

You pass. Please wait until the next example is posted to continue. You should still make edits to see if your grade can be lifted.

~*~



Name: Justin Conway
Age: 15
Gender: male

Tis fine



Personality: Justin likes to smile alot on a count of he is happy most of the time. He will always stick up for his friends and family and he hopes they will do the same for him. Justin has a way with words and likes to talk alot, and alot of people find that he is very annoying but he doesnt really care what people say about him. He is no where near a leader and will sometimes take constructive cridisism personaly. Justin will also take directions, most of the time, without hesitation. Justin likes to be the center of attention sometimes because of the lack of attention he gets. He knows the reason for that is his inability to take comand.Justin is also very anxious and can hardly ever sit still.

This is fine. There is always room for improvment though.


Description: Justin stands about 5 feet 3 inches and he wieghs around 120 pounds. He doesnt have much mussle and he doesnt really work out and it shows. He has short dirty blond hair that looks sun bleached and it also has green highlights on the top of his head. Justin has bright blue eyes and thats the first thing people notice about him, his eyes. They change color all the time, sometimes there green or grey but mostly there blue. He has on a blue vest that covers part of the white longsleeve shirt he has on under it. Justin also wears cream colored cargos and they have a lot of pockets where he puts his possesions. He mostly wears brown sandels that he scrapes on the floor when he walks. Justin has a silver Rolex watch on his right wrist which he never takes off as he is always wanting to know what time it is.


Nice discription, the eyes are interesting but I do know thats possible as my sis's eyes seem to change colors mattering what color of shirt she is wearnig.


History: Justin grew up in the town of Fushia City. He loved that town because he and his mother would go watch the gym leader at the pokemon gym and watch him battle all the trainers that would challenge him. Justin would sit there for hours and watch him battle all the weaklings and the stronger trainers. The other reason he loved Fushia city was because of the Safari zone. Justin's mother would take him there to look at all the pokemon. He wouldn't catch anythin of course because he was too young but his mother would catch all kinds of pokemon. She caught so many that they made there own little pokemon corral in the backyard which was a couple acres wide. But one time something bad happend, Justin almost got hurt by a parasect and his father got angery at his mom for having all the pokemon. His mom wouldnt get rid of them so Justin's father threatened to leave. He got over it though and said they could keep the pokemon if there was an adult around at all times to supervise.

a bit clunky and confusing still, but its good enough.

Pokemon:


Type: staryu
Name: Pointy(i wish i could have a slowpoke)
Gender: male
personality: Pointy is a very shy staryu but likes to battle. He has a lot to learn about battling because he hasnt won very many battles. Pointy will often run away instead of battle.

Type: bellsprout
Name: Trape'
Gender: female
Personality: Trape' is very self centered and she thinks very highly of herself. She will act first,think last. She thinks Justin has no need for his other pokemon and thinks she's all he needs.

This is fine, though I don't get why the staryu would like battles yet run away. Thats kind of conflicting.

Grade: B- (almost a B)

You pass, please wait for the next example.


~*~


Name: Jin Takius

Age: 13

Gender: Male

Passes woot... duh.


Personality: Jin is a really sad boy, who tries to make friends but is rejected by others for being adopted, but, he is suprisingly strong willed, and will never give up, even in the worst situations.

Rejected because of being adopted? I don't understand that as I have adopted cousins and I love them just like I love my blood ones. I really don't think that would be a reason for rejection.


Description: Jin uses his black, long and smooth hair in a ponytail which goes until his waist. He wears a black-sleeved shirt, with 'Sadness' writen on it with white letters. He also wears some dark-blue trousers, and black shoes, with a white stripe on the sides.

Goth anyone? well not real goth but just black. Poor depressed boy... still I think he is a bit to emotional and overreacting just because he was adopted. Meh will see with the history wont we?


History: Jin´s parents died when he was just a baby, being taken to a orphanage, where he lived until he completed five years old, when he was adopted by the Takius family. When he completed ten years old, he started to travel with his two Pokémons on his side.

Short and sweet isn't it? Not bad though you could explain more detial about how his family died, what his childhood was like and such things as this.

Pokemon:


Type: Squirtle

Name: Skipper

Gender: Male

Personality: Skipper is very shy in comparison to other aquatic pokémon , but he doesn´t let it affect his battle abilities.

could have a bit more to his personality.



Type: Bellsprout

Name: Bellsy

Gender: Female

Personality: Bellsy is really mean to other Pokemon, but, she is really kind to Skipper, for a mysterious reason

same as the first one.

Overal you could give more detail on everything, try and expand it out a bit more. Think deeper if you have too, if you were in this persons shoes, how would you feel? Is there more personality then jsut sadness? Perhaps lonilness and anger...

Grade: C+

You get the idea but you could expand more on it. Make the propor edits and see what else you can add, think about it more. I am sure there is more to him then meets the eye.

Kazuki Yukimura
18th May 2006, 1:44 AM
Okay my Lady (I love making jokes with names) I´m gonna make it better, and, about the adopted things, you know, some people are really preconceituous

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 1:47 AM
Yes but I doubt all people are. Why would his adopted parents bother adopting him if they were nto going to love him?

I doubt his whole school would reject him. Of course perhaps thats jsut what he thinks... just think about it a little.

Torkie10
18th May 2006, 2:22 AM
Name: Cassandra Roma
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Personality: Cassandra is unsure of herself. She takes critisicm very harshly, but does not like to show this weakness. She bottles up her emotions, trying to blend in to the background. The emotional buildup causes problems for her, and she went to a psycyatrist and a psycologist for several years before learning how to cope. Although she does not like to get into a fight, when she blows her top, she has a very strong grip and a very high pitched scream. She likes to be left alone even though she wants some friends- she just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Often her pride gets her in trouble because she refuses to admit she is wrong.

Description: Being pretty short for a teenager, most people don't notice her because she also doesn't like to talk. Her long brown-black hair often covers her face, and she wairs long pants and a sweatshirt so that she can do more physical activities in a skirt. She is more active at night than during the day because she has trouble falling asleep, but often sleeps late.

History: Cassandra moved every four years because of her father's job, but eventually the family setteled down in Vermillion City. At one point during the psycotherapy, Cassandra was suggested that she consider becoming a Pokemon trainer. The aim was that she would exersize more and interact with other people, but the plan backfired. Instead, Cassandra spent more and more time thinking about Pokemon and less with her family. After a while, she aquired the trainer's liscense, which convinced her that she should spend more time traveling. Although she loved to travel, she had a hard time convincing herself to move on from one place to the next. She was once in a position of athourity at a club in school, and after she became subject to harsh critisism, she would retreat and seethe with memories of the past. Fearing that she would be left out of the "fun", Cassandra "signed up" so that she could be accepted. She didn't know that it was serious, and when she was accepted, she felt very embaressed, because everyone else knew more than she did, snd because she didn't have any Pokemon. She decided to go to Pallet Town to get some Pokemon for her journey.

Pokemon: Ponyta
Type:Fire
Name:Equi Boni
Gender: Male
Personality: Naughty, Equi Boni was named after the Latin phrase "good horse", because Cassandra's last ponyta was very well behaved, and was good for riding lessons. Contrary to his name, EB (as he is commonly called) is a mischevious Ponyta. He would often disobey Oak in battle, and after a while, it was suggested that EB be used for riding lessons so that EB would learn to obey her. After many long periods of training, EB would speed up, slow down, stop, start, turn, and jump. However, no one could do nothing else on EB because he was as stubborn as a rock in cement. During battles, he would attack if he thought he could win, but if not, he would run away. After a while, Oak got tired of his antics, and put him up so that trainers would take him away. She made it clear that the trainer would also have to be willing to take on MC, because MC was one of the few Pokemon that could keep EB under control.

Pokemon:Staryu
Type: Water/Psychic
Name: Marus Certus
Gender: Male
Personality: Named for the Latin phrase "Guiding Sea", MC (as he is commonly referred to) is a cool-headed echniderm. A serious Pokemon, MC is often shooting water at EB in order to stop the ponyta's latest stunt. Often mistaken for a pillow, he has been sat on several times. This causes him to be irratated, and he shoots ice cold water on whoever sits on him.
OOC EDIT: Um, now she doesn't have much of a description. 0o; I seem to have a lot of trouble with description/personality/history in my sign ups all of the time.
OOC EDIT 2: My second edit has added more to history. I hope I am doing well.

Spectre
18th May 2006, 3:22 AM
I'm pretty new at this RPG thing, so I would like to try this out, see if it can help me.

---------------------------

Name: Lloyd Hargin
Age: 14
Gender: Male

Personality: With a rather simplistic life, Lloyd carries a simplistic personality. Having been living in one area for his whole like, Lloyd tends to get curious of the smallest details, often things that people would ignore than take a closer look into. Due to this overactive instinct, he tends to search for adventrous events, causing much discomfort for his neighbors and people around. They will schold him, but his smile defeats their temporary disgust and allows him his freedom once again.

Lloyd is quite popular amongst the population of Pallet Town, for he does not hesitate to do what he believes is the right thing and enjoys doing it. He always tries his best and despises the agony of losing. He will never lose interest in anything, or he feels he is losing to his "lazy" part.

Description: Lloyd generates the assumption that he is your average teenager; tall and slim build, short brown hair, and maturing muscles. He towers above the young 'uns with a height of 5 foot 9 inches and weighs around the natural stage of 140 lbs. A short stalky growth of hair lays on top of Lloyd's head, each strand depicting a strong color of light brown. His eyes glow slightly cyan as if streaming water. He enjoys to wear jeans that are slightly baggy and a belt. He often wears T-shirts, but if the weather feels a bit damp or chilly, he plops a sweater on.

History: Lloyd has been living in Pallet Town since his birth. His mother and father own a local Pokemart, in which buisiness goes EXTREMELY well, after the hero of the town came and bought out the stocks for nearly all the items. Lloyd loves the small town, in which the community is tight, but has resented the fact that it is small. He has explored every inch of the town and around it, examining all the crevices. He was exploring around the labratory when he saw a paper flying through the air. Of course, due to his curiousity, he had to know what was on it. He caught the flying paper and read aloud: "The Pokemon League wants you! New league challenge! Sign up today at your local Pokemon Center and if you are new, get your own pokemon at your local lab!" Lloyd took the paper home that night and reasoned out why he would want to journey and why not. In the end, he decided he wanted to see the world outside and travel around. The next morning, he set out to get his pokemon...

Pokemon:

Type: Magikarp
Name: Cronos
Gender: Male

Personality: Cronos is extremely snotty. He will refuse to do anything that does not help him in some way and refuses to increase his strengths. Cronos believes that he is the strongest pokemon alive, but refuses to fight. He believes his pride is worth more than his life and only stands up for himself when his pride is being attacked. He acts like Genis is his servant and makes him do all his work, but when Genis gets attacked, Cronos takes up the fight, saying "The master must protect his minions."


Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Genis
Gender: Male

Personality: Being an observant soul, Genis remains quiet and gentle. He is rather shy and calm, usually taking time to consider the best choices. Unlike his partner, Cronos, Genis does not boast of his enormous strength and encourages others. He especially "sucks" up to Cronos because he believes that Cronos will be stronger one day and tries not to overpower himself so Cronos's pride stays intact. He thinks of others before himself and does whatever they say.

/Exiled/
18th May 2006, 3:39 AM
Name: Tony Ronoth (Goes by last name
Age:18
Gender: Male

Appearance:
He stands 6'2 and is build defensively. His muscles are a good size, But he looks huge mostly due to broad shoulders. But they are very thick and when tense he can withstan most physical blows. He also has very dense bones and has taken judo classes. He wears dark green pants with a brown belt, with 2 knifes starpped to it in sheathes. 1 a large bowie knife, And one a pocket knife. They arent special but are a very high quality steel. He also wears high quality brown leather boots. They are thick and seem to be something someone would wear in the wilderness. He wears a long sleeved dark green shirt that seems to be made of s light wool like material, with a brown hoody unzipped over it. It is just a normal brown hoody except with many inside pockets and a symbol of diamond inside of a square on the back made with black lines. his face is broad muscular and symmetrical and has almost unnoticable freackles around the nose.. He has light brownish tan eyes with a little bit darker brown hair that is light and puffy to the touch.. The bangs are parted and go down a little passed the eyebrow. and the rest of the hair is pulled back into a ponytail thats short.

Personality:
He is a very defensive guy. Always lets the opponet strike first, and then fights carefully. He'll never pick unnesecarry fights, But can be quite witty and win insult fights. He can be quite protective of friends though. He will always think a head of time analyzing weaknesses and such. He loves reading and will be seen reading often. He's very itellectual and likes having intelligent conversations. He is social and humorous, But dosent like stupid people. And he is also quite hard to anger. But he can have very long bouts of quiteness or thought. They can spring up at any time and depending on the emotion triggering them, they can be drastically different. If unable to help someone, he gets sad and thinks about how he shouldve helped. He is always trying to help people with emotional issues, and is in college for psychiatry.

History
Tony was born in Sidney Australia. His mother was a lovely Black haired brown eyed Irish lady named Sera. And his dad was a large muscular built brown haired man who's ancestry can be traced back to the vikings. Well up until 5 he was a happy kid. Not to whiney or demanding, with a social personality. A good life. But soon his dad started getting home later and later. Though not a big deal, his dad started losing his temper easier, and easier. Hid mom started to grow apart from his mom. Eventually when he was 7, his dad came home at 2:00 am. he didnt know exactly what happened, but a fight broke out. After hearing a gun shot, the terrified Tony snuck out his window and ran away. He didnt know how long or far... But he ran.... And ran..... He didnt remember passing out, but the next thing he knew he was in child services with many people yelling and screaming about him. He just wanted it to all end. Eventually it was all settled and he was sent on a flight to live with his uncle in New York. At age ten and living with his uncle, his wounds started to heal, and he found friends. But that did not last. One day his friend cleve was beat to death by a gang, and Tony couldnt do anything about it. He was weak. Angry at his weakness he started taking judo classes and working out. At age 13 he was well trained and fit to defend those who attacked his friends. Though it was not for another 2 years before such an event happened. It was in the middle of the night, when Tony heard something in his home. Scared he got up and went to see what was the matter. With wide eyes he turned on the light to his uncle's room to see a serial killer with a knife above his uncle. Someone who lived to kill and had no heart. He lunged the knife towards his uncle. "Clank!" a large gautlet appeared and crushed the knived hand of the murderer. Before he could scream, another appeared and crushed his throat. Luckily his uncle is always to drugged up on meds to wake up. It was then that he knew he had the power to defend.

not a beginner, but thought, why not check it anyway.

Lady Myuu
18th May 2006, 3:46 AM
Exiled if you are not a beginner then there is no reason for you to be apart of this school. We don't want to intimdate teh newbies. I wont grade you.


Also: something has been brought to my attention... There is a certian weight and height problem. As one can not stand at 5'5 and weight 80 pounds unless they are like... dying. If you have problems knowing proper weights I am sure you can find programs online to show healthy weigth for certian sizes. Though weigth isn't really needed.


Here we go:


Name: Cassandra Roma
Age: 15, although she looks short enough to be 13.
Gender: Female, but the long hair hides her face most of the time. Sometimes she is mistaken for a boy with long hair, but not often.

interesting about the gender but its fine. Though you could just mention that in description and leave gender female.





Personality: Cassandra is unsure of herself. She takes critisicm very harshly, but does not like to show this weakness. She bottles up her emotions, trying to blend in to the background. The emotional buildup causes problems for her, and she went to a psycyatrist and a psycologist for several years before learning how to cope. Fearing that she would be left out of the "fun", Cassandra "signed up" so that she could be accepted. She didn't know that it was serious, and when she was accepted, she felt very embaressed, because everyone else knew more than she did.

Good detail, she seems naive and unsure and yet she is trying to cope with it. Realistic, this is nice.



Description: Being pretty short for a teenager, most people don't notice her because she also doesn't like to talk. Her long brown-black hair often covers her face, and she wairs long pants and a sweatshirt so that she can do more physical activities in a skirt. Although she does not like to get into a fight, when she blows her top, she has a very strong grip and a very high pitched scream. She likes to be left alone even though she wants some friends- she just can't seem to make friends with anyone. She is more active at night than during the day because she has trouble falling asleep, but often sleeps late. She was once in a position of athourity at a club in school, and after she became subject to harsh critisism, she would retreat and seethe with memories of the past. Often her pride gets her in trouble because she refuses to admit she is wrong.

Got some personality mixed in with some history with your description, might want to sort that out, all we need in description is what the character looks like. Some needs to go into personality (such as never admiting she is wrong) and some in history (such as the school thing)


History: Cassandra moved every four years because of her father's job, but eventually the family setteled down in Vermillion City. At one point during the psycotherapy, Cassandra was suggested that she consider becoming a Pokemon trainer. The aim was that she would exersize more and interact with other people, but the plan backfired. Instead, Cassandra spent more and more time with Pokemon and less with her family. After a while, she aquired the trainer's liscense, which convinced her that she should spend more time traveling. Although she loved to travel, she had a hard time convincing herself to move on from one place to the next.


Pokemon: Ponyta
Type:Fire
Name:Equi Boni
Gender: Male
Personality: Naughty, Equi Boni was named after the Latin phrase "good horse." Contrary to his name, EB (as he is commonly called) is a mischevious Ponyta. He would often disobey Cassandra in battle, and after a while, it was suggested that Cassandra take riding lessons so that EB would learn to obey her, and because she couldn't afford a bike. After many long periods of training, Cassandra was able to make EB speed up, slow down, stop, start, turn, and jump. However, she could do nothing else on EB because he was as stubborn as a rock in cement. During battles, he would attack if he thought he could win, but if not, he would run away. After a while, Cassandra got tired of his antics, and got her second Pokemon to Keep him in line.

Pokemon:Staryu
Type: Water/Psychic
Name: Marus Certus
Gender: Male
Personality: Named for the Latin phrase "Guiding Sea", MC (as he is commonly referred to) is a cool-headed echniderm. A serious Pokemon, MC is often shooting water at EB in order to stop the ponyta's latest stunt. Because of the Vermillion Harbor and MC's needs, Cassandra eventually learned how to swim, because she could not find the SURF HM. Often mistaken for a pillow, he has been sat on several times. This causes him to be irratated. He somewhat doubts Cassandra for her lack of control over EB, but he does what she asks him to because he knows she means well. A tank was put in Cassandra's room so that MC did not have to spend so much time in a pokeball.

You recieve your pokemon at the oak lab thus would not have them at home at all. The personalities are reflections of what will come from them but the home related stuff should not be there as she got her pokemon at teh start of her journey away from home.

Grade: B

You did very well, though while you made a passing grade I still suggest you make these edits so that it can fit well with everyone else. It may raise it to a B+ or an A.

~*~


Name: Lloyd Hargin
Age: 14
Gender: Male

Good.


Personality: With a rather simplistic life, Lloyd carries a simplistic personality. Having been living in one area for his whole like, Lloyd tends to get curious of the smallest details, often things that people would ignore than take a closer look into. Due to this overactive instinct, he tends to search for adventrous events, causing much discomfort for his neighbors and people around. They will schold him, but his smile defeats their temporary disgust and allows him his freedom once again.

Lloyd is quite popular amongst the population of Pallet Town, for he does not hesitate to do what he believes is the right thing and enjoys doing it. He always tries his best and despises the agony of losing. He will never lose interest in anything, or he feels he is losing to his "lazy" part.

Good, I got no corrections.


Description: Lloyd generates the assumption that he is your average teenager; tall and slim build, short brown hair, and maturing muscles. He towers above the young 'uns with a height of 5 foot 9 inches and weighs around the natural stage of 140 lbs. A short stalky growth of hair lays on top of Lloyd's head, each strand depicting a strong color of light brown. His eyes glow slightly cyan as if streaming water. He enjoys to wear jeans that are slightly baggy and a belt. He often wears T-shirts, but if the weather feels a bit damp or chilly, he plops a sweater on.

Good again. I think you know what your doing more then you think you do.


History: Lloyd has been living in Pallet Town since his birth. His mother and father own a local Pokemart, in which buisiness goes EXTREMELY well, after the hero of the town came and bought out the stocks for nearly all the items. Lloyd loves the small town, in which the community is tight, but has resented the fact that it is small. He has explored every inch of the town and around it, examining all the crevices. He was exploring around the labratory when he saw a paper flying through the air. Of course, due to his curiousity, he had to know what was on it. He caught the flying paper and read aloud: "The Pokemon League wants you! New league challenge! Sign up today at your local Pokemon Center and if you are new, get your own pokemon at your local lab!" Lloyd took the paper home that night and reasoned out why he would want to journey and why not. In the end, he decided he wanted to see the world outside and travel around. The next morning, he set out to get his pokemon...

Only thing I noticed is you said local lab. The league starts at pallet so thats where they must get the pokemon. Though he lives in pallet XD


Pokemon:

Type: Magikarp
Name: Cronos
Gender: Male

Personality: Cronos is extremely snotty. He will refuse to do anything that does not help him in some way and refuses to increase his strengths. Cronos believes that he is the strongest pokemon alive, but refuses to fight. He believes his pride is worth more than his life and only stands up for himself when his pride is being attacked. He acts like Genis is his servant and makes him do all his work, but when Genis gets attacked, Cronos takes up the fight, saying "The master must protect his minions."


Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Genis
Gender: Male

Personality: Being an observant soul, Genis remains quiet and gentle. He is rather shy and calm, usually taking time to consider the best choices. Unlike his partner, Cronos, Genis does not boast of his enormous strength and encourages others. He especially "sucks" up to Cronos because he believes that Cronos will be stronger one day and tries not to overpower himself so Cronos's pride stays intact. He thinks of others before himself and does whatever they say.

I love the name Cronos... anyway... this is fine. You did very good. I am notsure you should be in this school as I find no real reason why you can not perticipate in rpgs. But I have not seen you RP beyond signups so if you wish to continue you may.

Grade: A

magdaw
18th May 2006, 10:23 PM
I really need lessons :)

---

Name: Kate Burns
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Personality: Kate is quite advanced in wisdom for her age. She wants to be independant and prove that she's not a pushover, using her mature foresight to judge situations better than many girls her own age, seeming to take a higher, more deep and complex perspective of her world. However, she falls behind in many aspects other kids her age take for granted. She isn't clued up on trends, boybands or gossip like most people.

She loves nature and tries to attain a balance like the wildlife around her, yet these feelings have her only in utter confusion. She is way ahead of her years, and her child mind has trouble coping with this. She knows that the natural way of things is right, but it can be too harsh for her sensitive feelings to take.

She is very quiet and shy, not knowing too well how to interact with others her own age. She can get very lonely and depressed and as a result, becomes ill. This denies her her independancy, and depression falls into a spiral.

Description: Kate dresses in a pair of loose jeans, hels up by a simple belt. They're battered and torn at the bottom, and accompanied by a pair of scruffy trainers, no longer their origional white and blue but now more of a brown. She wears a boyish baggy black short-sleeved t-shirt with a purple symbol of a seviper.

Her face is round and slightly porky, but her hair covers most of this, dangling down a dark blond. It hangs down straight, stopping above her waist. She always seems to have a worried expression in her green eyes. Her skin is pale due to little exposure to sunlight. When she stands, she rarely ever raises her head to eye level and seems to have an uneasy hunch.

History: She is always told that she can't take care of herself. Ever since she's been little she's been frail and a social outcast. Even with a loving, caring family, she could never fit in with normal society.

To train pokemon and enter a tournament, she wants to better herself and prove her independancy.

Pokemon: Whismur and Banette

Type: Normal
Name: Winney/WHISMUR
Gender: Female
Personality: Winney is the panicker. Some of her battles have been lost due to her not keeping her cool. And when she looses, she panicks even more. But that's because she cares, and has only her trainer's interest at heart.

Type: Ghost
Name: Jade/BANETTE
Gender: Female
Personality: Not the fairest fighter, she won't hesitate to execute a cheap shot. Needs dicipline, or she'll prove to be a handfull. Seeks love and attention, she's a softie deep down.

---

Grade me! :D

Kazuki Yukimura
18th May 2006, 10:40 PM
Okay, you got me, Lady Myuu, I´m gonna modify the whole thing

Torkie10
19th May 2006, 12:32 AM
I believe I am ready for a re-evaluation of my character. I hope I have improved. :)

Kazuki Yukimura
19th May 2006, 1:25 AM
I edited it, I think it´s better

Lady Myuu
19th May 2006, 3:34 AM
Name: Kate Burns
Age: 14
Gender: Female

So far so good :P


Personality: Kate is quite advanced in wisdom for her age. She wants to be independant and prove that she's not a pushover, using her mature foresight to judge situations better than many girls her own age, seeming to take a higher, more deep and complex perspective of her world. However, she falls behind in many aspects other kids her age take for granted. She isn't clued up on trends, boybands or gossip like most people.


She loves nature and tries to attain a balance like the wildlife around her, yet these feelings have her only in utter confusion. She is way ahead of her years, and her child mind has trouble coping with this. She knows that the natural way of things is right, but it can be too harsh for her sensitive feelings to take.

She is very quiet and shy, not knowing too well how to interact with others her own age. She can get very lonely and depressed and as a result, becomes ill. This denies her her independancy, and depression falls into a spiral.[/qoute]

While this is good, sounds like she wouldn't be on the road in fear of her growing ill on the way and dying. Though perhaps a trip is just what she needs.

[QUOTE]Description: Kate dresses in a pair of loose jeans, hels up by a simple belt. They're battered and torn at the bottom, and accompanied by a pair of scruffy trainers, no longer their origional white and blue but now more of a brown. She wears a boyish baggy black short-sleeved t-shirt with a purple symbol of a seviper.

Her face is round and slightly porky, but her hair covers most of this, dangling down a dark blond. It hangs down straight, stopping above her waist. She always seems to have a worried expression in her green eyes. Her skin is pale due to little exposure to sunlight. When she stands, she rarely ever raises her head to eye level and seems to have an uneasy hunch.

so sad. This is good.




History: She is always told that she can't take care of herself. Ever since she's been little she's been frail and a social outcast. Even with a loving, caring family, she could never fit in with normal society.

To train pokemon and enter a tournament, she wants to better herself and prove her independancy.

She reminds me of the green haired boy from the pokemon r/s/e games. Always told she is ill and sick and all this... could use more explaining like where she came from and growing up and such ... but may not be worth editing.


Pokemon: Whismur and Banette

Type: Normal
Name: Winney/WHISMUR
Gender: Female
Personality: Winney is the panicker. Some of her battles have been lost due to her not keeping her cool. And when she looses, she panicks even more. But that's because she cares, and has only her trainer's interest at heart.

Type: Ghost
Name: Jade/BANETTE
Gender: Female
Personality: Not the fairest fighter, she won't hesitate to execute a cheap shot. Needs dicipline, or she'll prove to be a handfull. Seeks love and attention, she's a softie deep down.

Well this knocked down your score greatly. I listed the avaible pokemon and I don't see either. These are trainers starting out on there journey and are given certian two pokemon. Edit in with the pokemon on my list.

You almost had a passing grade but with these two pokemon...

Grade: C+ edit the pokemon and advice I gave and it will go up to a B.

~*~

Regrades:



Name: Cassandra Roma
Age: 15
Gender: Female

I need to stop qouting these as these seem to always be just fine.


Personality: Cassandra is unsure of herself. She takes critisicm very harshly, but does not like to show this weakness. She bottles up her emotions, trying to blend in to the background. The emotional buildup causes problems for her, and she went to a psycyatrist and a psycologist for several years before learning how to cope. Fearing that she would be left out of the "fun", Cassandra "signed up" so that she could be accepted. She didn't know that it was serious, and when she was accepted, she felt very embaressed, because everyone else knew more than she did. Although she does not like to get into a fight, when she blows her top, she has a very strong grip and a very high pitched scream. She likes to be left alone even though she wants some friends- she just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Often her pride gets her in trouble because she refuses to admit she is wrong.

Think we got a bit confused here. As there is history in here, personality explains waht the person is like. You got some history but its not much.


Fearing that she would be left out of the "fun", Cassandra "signed up" so that she could be accepted. She didn't know that it was serious, and when she was accepted, she felt very embaressed, because everyone else knew more than she did.

Thats more like history...


Description: Being pretty short for a teenager, most people don't notice her because she also doesn't like to talk. Her long brown-black hair often covers her face, and she wairs long pants and a sweatshirt so that she can do more physical activities in a skirt. She is more active at night than during the day because she has trouble falling asleep, but often sleeps late.

This is fine.


History: Cassandra moved every four years because of her father's job, but eventually the family setteled down in Vermillion City. At one point during the psycotherapy, Cassandra was suggested that she consider becoming a Pokemon trainer. The aim was that she would exersize more and interact with other people, but the plan backfired. Instead, Cassandra spent more and more time with Pokemon and less with her family. After a while, she aquired the trainer's liscense, which convinced her that she should spend more time traveling. Although she loved to travel, she had a hard time convincing herself to move on from one place to the next. She was once in a position of athourity at a club in school, and after she became subject to harsh critisism, she would retreat and seethe with memories of the past.

You could put that 'signing up' stuff in here somewhere, like at the end and then explain that she left to go pick up her new pokemon for the league.

As they can't use all ready trained pokemon.


Pokemon: Ponyta
Type:Fire
Name:Equi Boni
Gender: Male
Personality: Naughty, Equi Boni was named after the Latin phrase "good horse", because Cassandra's last ponyta was very well behaved, and was good for riding lessons. Contrary to his name, EB (as he is commonly called) is a mischevious Ponyta. He would often disobey Oak in battle, and after a while, it was suggested that EB be used for riding lessons so that EB would learn to obey her. After many long periods of training, EB would speed up, slow down, stop, start, turn, and jump. However, no one could do nothing else on EB because he was as stubborn as a rock in cement. During battles, he would attack if he thought he could win, but if not, he would run away. After a while, Oak got tired of his antics, and put him up so that trainers would take him away. She made it clear that the trainer would also have to be willing to take on MC, because MC was one of the few Pokemon that could keep EB under control.

Pokemon:Staryu
Type: Water/Psychic
Name: Marus Certus
Gender: Male
Personality: Named for the Latin phrase "Guiding Sea", MC (as he is commonly referred to) is a cool-headed echniderm. A serious Pokemon, MC is often shooting water at EB in order to stop the ponyta's latest stunt. Often mistaken for a pillow, he has been sat on several times. This causes him to be irratated, and he shoots ice cold water on whoever sits on him.

This is fine.

Grade: B+

The only problem I see is that you get your subjects confused and start mixing them all. Start at one at a time and think about it.

What is my character like?

What does she look liek?

Where did she live?

things like that.

~*~



Name: Jin Takius

Age: 13

Gender: Male

good! :D


Personality: Jin is a really sad boy, who tries to make friends but is rejected by others for being a little weird, like, talking to himself.He actually has got a friend. But, even in this situations, he is suprisingly strong willed, and will never give up, even in the worst situations. (I know, I abused the ''but''here)


I think he is a bit hard on himself. This is better but not by much. I am not sure how you can improve other then perhaps wording it a bit better, he just seems like he is either depressed from not having friends or strong willed. Is there more to his personality then that?


Description: Jin uses his black, long and smooth hair in a ponytail which goes until his waist. He wears a black-sleeved shirt, with 'Sadness' writen on it with white letters. He also wears some dark-blue trousers, and black shoes, with a white stripe on the sides.

Not really any change. Its fine. So he's suppose to come across goth like?


History: Jin´s parents died when he was just a baby, with three years old. It was in that time people started to notice that he was really sad. But, getting back to the history, he was taken to a orphanage, where he lived until he completed five years old, when he was adopted by the Takius family. When he completed ten years old, he started to travel, even with his parents worrying so much about him, he left his house, with his Pokémon on his side.

You should say "When he was three years old" or "When he was ten years old." also while you made the edits I want to point out.

Of course people would notice he was sad, his parents were dead and he was in a orphanage.


Pokemon:

Type: Squirtle

Name: Skipper

Gender: Male

Personality: Skipper is very shy in comparison to other aquatic pokémon , but he doesn´t let it affect his battle abilities. He really prefer to play with other Pokémon than battling then, which caused trouble on Jin gym leader battles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pokemon:


Type: Bellsprout

Name: Bellsy

Gender: Female

Personality: Bellsy is really mean to other Pokemon, but, she is really kind to Skipper, for a mysterious reason. She really likes to battle agains´t pokémon stronger than her, like, for example, fighting a Charizard. That deail made Jin take her to a Pokémon Center a lot of times.

This is fine.

Is english your first langauge? its ok if its not its just sometimes you word thigns differently then expected.

Grade: C+

I suggest you make the edits I pointed out and think about your character a bit more and it may raise your grade.

Kutie Pie
19th May 2006, 5:06 AM
I'm still confused with the rules, but I'll give it a try.


Name: Ruth Bird

Age: 14

Gender: Female

Personality: Ruth is always a bubbly person, seeing things in a brighter side, even when things are bleak and depressing. Though small for her age, she's very intelligent and talented, yet she has some speech problems. Ruth's often very quiet except after consuming large amounts of sugar.

A kind person, Ruth helps those in need and takes in hurt Pokémon before setting them free. She enjoys nature and has joined several groups to help preserve it. Never the violent type, she rarely fights back whenever attacked. Ruth knows when to keep her mouth shut at times and only says postive things.

The other girls think of her as an outcast. Ruth isn't into make-up, gossip even boys, yet she doesn't enjoy manly activities. She's found alone at times, reading a book almost too advanced for her age or drawing images from her mind. Though she's never said it, Ruth sometimes sings to herself, even when there's others around her.

Description: Ruth is short for her age, around 4'6" and nearly 90 pounds. No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to keep her long, blonde hair tidy and straight, including a cowlick on the left side of her head. Over the years, however, brown has been collected underneath her hair, giving it an unusual pattern of golden blonde and brown. She's rarely found with her hair up, seeing as it's a big pain trying to get the hair band out. She's been gifted with wavy hair and bright, baby-blue eyes.

Because of her poor eye-sight, she must wear bifocals. This is useful for her as she's constantly reading. She's seen often with a smile on her face, dimples scattered across her cheeks. Cursed with crooked teeth, she has to wear a lime-green retainer which interferes with her speech. Ruth has acne on her forehead, yet the majority's found on the side of her head, hidden beneath her hair.

Because she's been raised by a spiritual family, Ruth is always found with modest clothing. She often wears long-sleeved shirts, whether it's an emerald green, blue, orange or red one, in warm weather. The rest she's seen wearing an undershirt of pink, blue, green or orange underneath a short-sleeved shirt with phrases or pictures. Ruth always wears a sports watch she's found one day in her closet to keep track of time.

Sometimes, Ruth wears flowered skirts. If they're too short, she wears jeans underneath that reach her shoelaces. If she doesn't wear jeans, she's found wearing capris or finger-tip length shorts. If she does wear a skirt, it's found below her knees. Underneath, Ruth wears matching shorts in case of a strong breeze. Whenever she's not wearing Sketchers, she sometimes wear midnight blue sandals with her Sunday dresses.

History: Ruth has lived on Cinnabar Island all her life. When she was a small girl, she would walk over to the Pokémon laboratory to watch fossilized Pokémon become ressurected. At times when she turned eight, she's helped volunteer with the Pokémon, enjoying their looks, attitudes and history. At times, she'd take three out of her five brothers to visit them, thus getting them involved with the extinct Pokémon. Most often, Ruth has visited Blaine to watch his battles and learn how to take care of fire Pokémon.

But her favorite hobby to do was sneak over to the burned down Pokémon Mansion. There, she'd enjoy watching the wild creatures sleeping or running around from the window. Because they lived close to the building, Ruth has heard cries from the Pokémon and strange human shouts. When she's checked with a historian, she learned that humans used to work there, but had died in the fire that was caused by a mysterious force nearly twenty years ago.

Though she grew up with a few friends, Ruth had a happy childhood. It just about broke her heart when her friends left for their journeys. Eventually, Ruth was able to pass school thanks to her intelligence. She would miss Cinnabar Island, but she knew she'd be meeting her friends again. And many puzzling challenges along the way...

Pokémon:

Type: Staryu

Name: Starlight

Gender: Unknown

Personality: Starlight's a very secretive Staryu with a mysterious past. It's usually quiet unless spoken to and has surprisingly good manners unusual for a Pokémon. Starlight somehow enjoys sports and traveling.

Type: Bulbasaur

Name: Saki

Gender: Female

Personality: Saki was cast out by her siblings as a young Bulbasaur. Because of this, she's developed a solitare nature and a bitter attitude. Though her attitude gets her into trouble, Saki has good manners and follows orders. At times, however, she would send her anger at a near-by object, whether it's Ruth, a rock or even over a hill. Inside all of that bitterness, however, is a warm heart.

~~~

I hope this is okay. If not, I'm happy to edit it!

magdaw
19th May 2006, 10:46 AM
Ah... I didn't see a list first time. I'll edit this :)

--

Name: Kate Burns
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Personality: Kate is quite advanced in wisdom for her age. She wants to be independant and prove that she's not a pushover, using her mature foresight to judge situations better than many girls her own age, seeming to take a higher, more deep and complex perspective of her world. However, she falls behind in many aspects other kids her age take for granted. She isn't clued up on trends, boybands or gossip like most people.

She loves nature and tries to attain a balance like the wildlife around her, yet these feelings have her only in utter confusion. She is way ahead of her years, and her child mind has trouble coping with this. She knows that the natural way of things is right, but it can be too harsh for her sensitive feelings to take.

She is very quiet and shy, not knowing too well how to interact with others her own age. She can get very lonely and depressed and as a result, becomes ill. This denies her her independancy, and depression falls into a spiral.

Description: Kate dresses in a pair of loose jeans, hels up by a simple belt. They're battered and torn at the bottom, and accompanied by a pair of scruffy trainers, no longer their origional white and blue but now more of a brown. She wears a boyish baggy black short-sleeved t-shirt with a purple symbol of a seviper.

Her face is round and slightly porky, but her hair covers most of this, dangling down a dark blond. It hangs down straight, stopping above her waist. She always seems to have a worried expression in her green eyes. Her skin is pale due to little exposure to sunlight. When she stands, she rarely ever raises her head to eye level and seems to have an uneasy hunch.

History: She is always told that she can't take care of herself. Ever since she's been little she's been frail and a social outcast. Even with a loving, caring family, she could never fit in with normal society. Growing up in a very urbanised area in Celadon, there was little community feel, and this would often leave her feeling lonely even with a family. She has always yearned for friends, but never had them. Her life has been uninteresting and uneventful so far.

To train pokemon and enter a tournament, she wants to better herself and prove her independancy, and have a little fun for a change.

Pokemon: Magikarp and Ponyta.

Type: Water
Name: Water/MAGIKARP
Gender: Female
Personality: For a magikarp, she's quite strong. Even feebily flopping on the ground she can be evasive, almost succeeding in running away, but that's close to all she can do. Kate can't seem to figure out why she won't stay still for two minutes... a hyper magicarp? Her personality isn't clear as of yet.

Type: Fire
Name: Jade/PONYTA
Gender: Female
Personality: Kate's ride (though she'll still walk). Jade is patient and understanding, and very smart. If there is ever an accident or emergency, Jade will be there to help. Seems to have a soft spot for the weak, and loves anyone who will treat her. Though, she doesn't have blind trust for just anyone. If someone is just trying to bribe or trick her with treats, she will know.

---

Ah... I can't find the pokemon list. I just double checked.

EDIT: 'Sokay. Found it. Editing.

Torkie10
19th May 2006, 7:35 PM
I have completed my second edit, Lady Myuu. ^^; I was wondering what is going to happen- are we actually going to DO an RPG here? 00; I didn't quite understand that, but when you said "so it will fit in with all the others" it dawned on me that we might be doing a bit mor than examples.

Spectre
19th May 2006, 7:52 PM
I have completed my second edit, Lady Myuu. ^^; I was wondering what is going to happen- are we actually going to DO an RPG here? 00; I didn't quite understand that, but when you said "so it will fit in with all the others" it dawned on me that we might be doing a bit mor than examples.

Not really an RPG, but more like examples. She will give us a topic, we will reply as if in an rpg, then she will evaluate. In the end, she will probably try to cover all the basics of an forum role play.

Kazuki Yukimura
19th May 2006, 11:30 PM
Okay! And, no, english is not my first language. My first language is portuguese from Brazil XP

------------------------------Edit--------------------------------------------------------

Oh, and, cute avatar :P

Dex
20th May 2006, 12:53 AM
I hope I'm not late- I dread being tardy. Plus, I'm not sure if the class will be full..

Name: Christopher Belin Castom (Chris for short)
Age: 16
Gender: Male

Personality: In a word- Odd, and he's proud of it. But as for him, this is just a mask for desperate attention, and this leads to many things. He normally will talk loud, act like a clown, and make lame jokes everywhere, basically an annoying class clown, all for a bit of attention. Due to goofing off and not paying attention in school, He's not that sharp, also- but he'll try to act smart, although the people who know him already know that he's pretty dull. Even though he has a lot of friends these days, He still wants attention.

However, when people aren't around, so he can show off, He shows an exact opposite side of him-You'll find him daydreaming, and he'll often read a book or two, more than once, to "Get away" from his life, And he may seem shy if he's talking to only one person, since he's used to big groups. He's also pretty polite in this state, too.

Description: His sleek black hair cannot be tamed- It's quickly becoming a full-grown mullet, and his front of his hair sticks up all the time, be it left, right, or up. His eyes are a chocolate brown, and his nose is rather flat, while he wears blue and yellow goggles too. He's a 5'9 for his height, and weighs about 150 pounds. His skin is rather tanned, due to no sunblock. He seems to have a stocky build, although he can't fight much. Normally, you'll find his outfit clashes a lot, and this makes him stand out, (At least he thinks so.)

You'll normally find him wearing a putrid bright mustard-yellow lifejacket vest, with an Emerald green shirt underneath saying "Loser!" With a pikachu holding a bright neon L on it. He wears his normal bright blue pants, with delicate patterns of little flowers outlined. You may also see that he wears a black leather belt, but this isn’t really needed- it seems to be worn by habit. His shoes are pretty expensive, and these are the pride of his outfit- custom-made shoes, with intricate fire red flames painted on the deep black sides, and black shoestrings to boot.

History: He heeds from the town of Saffron, Living only by admiring trainers and gaining attention from the city, and his own state of teaching himself. There, he had a perfectly “normal” life, aside by the fact that his parents did not see him much due to the fact of their high-hour jobs as doctors. He had to teach himself many things, and due to lack of parenting, this is the root of his oddness/attention seeking Personality. He would always stare at trainers, and peek in the gym once or twice, admiring the respect they have- the power, the adventure- yet, he could not bear to become one. Yet. He had many problems in school, such as disrupting the class or pulling a prank on an unfortunate teacher, but his parents were not there to guide him. He was pretty lonely.

Why did he become a trainer? He wanted the thrill of something new, and getting some, yes, attention. He wanted to become the best, like many other trainers. Just for the publicity.



Pokemon:

Type: Oddish
Name: Pinecone
Gender: Female
Personality: She seems like a runt- She is smaller than other Oddish. She’s a scaredy-cat, running away from even the smallest of sounds, such as the wind or a rock being thrown. Because of this, she never goes into battle, due to being afraid a lot. She will go into battle if really needed though. Oh, and she’s the normal “Get-along-with-easily” type, if you manage to not scare the roots outta her.

Type: Vulpix
Name: Illumination (Ill for short)
Gender: Male
Personality: An optimist, he’s never sad, and helps Pinecone overcome fears sometimes. He’s pretty young, and because of this, has the hyper-ness and thirst to battle and have adventures, like many young pokemon. He’s not exactly quick on the uptake, though, and acts rashly in battle. But since Pinecone is scared most of the time, there really is no choice but to use him.

Lady Myuu
21st May 2006, 7:19 AM
sorry guys, I got sidetracked. And I'll say it again there is no certian amount of people who can join and anyone can start at the beginning at anytime. I need to work on the next part... I hope I got everyone, I had to save this as the forums went down on me.

~*~
grades:



Name: Ruth Bird

Age: 14

Gender: Female

wow your good! oh wait... thats the easy part... *claps anyway*


Personality: Ruth is always a bubbly person, seeing things in a brighter side, even when things are bleak and depressing. Though small for her age, she's very intelligent and talented, yet she has some speech problems. Ruth's often very quiet except after consuming large amounts of sugar.


A kind person, Ruth helps those in need and takes in hurt Pokémon before setting them free. She enjoys nature and has joined several groups to help preserve it. Never the violent type, she rarely fights back whenever attacked. Ruth knows when to keep her mouth shut at times and only says postive things.

The other girls think of her as an outcast. Ruth isn't into make-up, gossip even boys, yet she doesn't enjoy manly activities. She's found alone at times, reading a book almost too advanced for her age or drawing images from her mind. Though she's never said it, Ruth sometimes sings to herself, even when there's others around her.


*cough* a bit marysue don't you think? so nice and sweet and takes care of everyone seeming like a perfectly nice person with perky perfectness but yet is outcasted because she is zomg 'different' yet seh seems perfectl acceptible to me.

Perhaps you should dump some of the good cheerness, though its nice to see a happy good character after all the others. I mean helping pokemon and then releasing them? I know peopel do good things like that all the time but ontop of everything else she jsut seems like a WOW person that outdoes everyone, even smarter then everyone.

Think about her more realisticly, I mean she can be all these thigns but then again is there no other feelings or more things apart of her then this? Or is she just that kind of happy quiet goodygoody that does nothing but spread cheer and joy?



Description: Ruth is short for her age, around 4'6" and nearly 90 pounds. No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to keep her long, blonde hair tidy and straight, including a cowlick on the left side of her head. Over the years, however, brown has been collected underneath her hair, giving it an unusual pattern of golden blonde and brown. She's rarely found with her hair up, seeing as it's a big pain trying to get the hair band out. She's been gifted with wavy hair and bright, baby-blue eyes.

Because of her poor eye-sight, she must wear bifocals. This is useful for her as she's constantly reading. She's seen often with a smile on her face, dimples scattered across her cheeks. Cursed with crooked teeth, she has to wear a lime-green retainer which interferes with her speech. Ruth has acne on her forehead, yet the majority's found on the side of her head, hidden beneath her hair.

Because she's been raised by a spiritual family, Ruth is always found with modest clothing. She often wears long-sleeved shirts, whether it's an emerald green, blue, orange or red one, in warm weather. The rest she's seen wearing an undershirt of pink, blue, green or orange underneath a short-sleeved shirt with phrases or pictures. Ruth always wears a sports watch she's found one day in her closet to keep track of time.

Sometimes, Ruth wears flowered skirts. If they're too short, she wears jeans underneath that reach her shoelaces. If she doesn't wear jeans, she's found wearing capris or finger-tip length shorts. If she does wear a skirt, it's found below her knees. Underneath, Ruth wears matching shorts in case of a strong breeze. Whenever she's not wearing Sketchers, she sometimes wear midnight blue sandals with her Sunday dresses.

Well, I see you counter her personality with a not so perfect body/complection. Though 90 pounds seems awfly skinny for a 14 year old even at that height. Lovely descritpion I don't have any correction. Though I still suggest you think about your personality a bit more.

Ruth is one of my fav bible names btw.


History: Ruth has lived on Cinnabar Island all her life. When she was a small girl, she would walk over to the Pokémon laboratory to watch fossilized Pokémon become ressurected. At times when she turned eight, she's helped volunteer with the Pokémon, enjoying their looks, attitudes and history. At times, she'd take three out of her five brothers to visit them, thus getting them involved with the extinct Pokémon. Most often, Ruth has visited Blaine to watch his battles and learn how to take care of fire Pokémon.

But her favorite hobby to do was sneak over to the burned down Pokémon Mansion. There, she'd enjoy watching the wild creatures sleeping or running around from the window. Because they lived close to the building, Ruth has heard cries from the Pokémon and strange human shouts. When she's checked with a historian, she learned that humans used to work there, but had died in the fire that was caused by a mysterious force nearly twenty years ago.

Though she grew up with a few friends, Ruth had a happy childhood. It just about broke her heart when her friends left for their journeys. Eventually, Ruth was able to pass school thanks to her intelligence. She would miss Cinnabar Island, but she knew she'd be meeting her friends again. And many puzzling challenges along the way...

I still find her a bit perfect but I guess in a way her life is just normal compared to others.


Pokémon:

Type: Staryu

Name: Starlight

Gender: Unknown

Personality: Starlight's a very secretive Staryu with a mysterious past. It's usually quiet unless spoken to and has surprisingly good manners unusual for a Pokémon. Starlight somehow enjoys sports and traveling.

good.


Type: Bulbasaur

Name: Saki

Gender: Female

Personality: Saki was cast out by her siblings as a young Bulbasaur. Because of this, she's developed a solitare nature and a bitter attitude. Though her attitude gets her into trouble, Saki has good manners and follows orders. At times, however, she would send her anger at a near-by object, whether it's Ruth, a rock or even over a hill. Inside all of that bitterness, however, is a warm heart.

good.



Overall I am a bit concerned she will evolve into a marysue, but really isn't that bad at all. Just be careful as to not make tooo nicely perfect characters. Though her appearnce makes up for alot of it.

Grade: B+


~*~


Name: Christopher Belin Castom (Chris for short)
Age: 16
Gender: Male

nice name. :D chrissss


Personality: In a word- Odd, and he's proud of it. But as for him, this is just a mask for desperate attention, and this leads to many things. He normally will talk loud, act like a clown, and make lame jokes everywhere, basically an annoying class clown, all for a bit of attention. Due to goofing off and not paying attention in school, He's not that sharp, also- but he'll try to act smart, although the people who know him already know that he's pretty dull. Even though he has a lot of friends these days, He still wants attention.

However, when people aren't around, so he can show off, He shows an exact opposite side of him-You'll find him daydreaming, and he'll often read a book or two, more than once, to "Get away" from his life, And he may seem shy if he's talking to only one person, since he's used to big groups. He's also pretty polite in this state, too.

Good. Keep it.



Description: His sleek black hair cannot be tamed- It's quickly becoming a full-grown mullet, and his front of his hair sticks up all the time, be it left, right, or up. His eyes are a chocolate brown, and his nose is rather flat, while he wears blue and yellow goggles too. He's a 5'9 for his height, and weighs about 150 pounds. His skin is rather tanned, due to no sunblock. He seems to have a stocky build, although he can't fight much. Normally, you'll find his outfit clashes a lot, and this makes him stand out, (At least he thinks so.)

You'll normally find him wearing a putrid bright mustard-yellow lifejacket vest, with an Emerald green shirt underneath saying "Loser!" With a pikachu holding a bright neon L on it. He wears his normal bright blue pants, with delicate patterns of little flowers outlined. You may also see that he wears a black leather belt, but this isn’t really needed- it seems to be worn by habit. His shoes are pretty expensive, and these are the pride of his outfit- custom-made shoes, with intricate fire red flames painted on the deep black sides, and black shoestrings to boot.

... XD gah his outfit makes me laugh. This is just fine. I really can't think of any changes... so far so good.




History: He heeds from the town of Saffron, Living only by admiring trainers and gaining attention from the city, and his own state of teaching himself. There, he had a perfectly “normal” life, aside by the fact that his parents did not see him much due to the fact of their high-hour jobs as doctors. He had to teach himself many things, and due to lack of parenting, this is the root of his oddness/attention seeking Personality. He would always stare at trainers, and peek in the gym once or twice, admiring the respect they have- the power, the adventure- yet, he could not bear to become one. Yet. He had many problems in school, such as disrupting the class or pulling a prank on an unfortunate teacher, but his parents were not there to guide him. He was pretty lonely.

Why did he become a trainer? He wanted the thrill of something new, and getting some, yes, attention. He wanted to become the best, like many other trainers. Just for the publicity.

Good tie, it makes sense and isn't way out there. Answered my question too that some didn't.







Pokemon:

Type: Oddish
Name: Pinecone
Gender: Female
Personality: She seems like a runt- She is smaller than other Oddish. She’s a scaredy-cat, running away from even the smallest of sounds, such as the wind or a rock being thrown. Because of this, she never goes into battle, due to being afraid a lot. She will go into battle if really needed though. Oh, and she’s the normal “Get-along-with-easily” type, if you manage to not scare the roots outta her.

... a oddish named pinecone? hehehe... uh, good.





Type: Vulpix
Name: Illumination (Ill for short)
Gender: Male
Personality: An optimist, he’s never sad, and helps Pinecone overcome fears sometimes. He’s pretty young, and because of this, has the hyper-ness and thirst to battle and have adventures, like many young pokemon. He’s not exactly quick on the uptake, though, and acts rashly in battle. But since Pinecone is scared most of the time, there really is no choice but to use him.

good.


Grade: A

I wanted to give a a+ but I know that tehre is always room for improvement. So just a simple A.

~*~




~*~

Regrades:


Name: Cassandra Roma
Age: 15
Gender: Female

yeah fine.



Personality: Cassandra is unsure of herself. She takes critisicm very harshly, but does not like to show this weakness. She bottles up her emotions, trying to blend in to the background. The emotional buildup causes problems for her, and she went to a psycyatrist and a psycologist for several years before learning how to cope. Although she does not like to get into a fight, when she blows her top, she has a very strong grip and a very high pitched scream. She likes to be left alone even though she wants some friends- she just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Often her pride gets her in trouble because she refuses to admit she is wrong.


Good, this is what I wanted.


Description: Being pretty short for a teenager, most people don't notice her because she also doesn't like to talk. Her long brown-black hair often covers her face, and she wairs long pants and a sweatshirt so that she can do more physical activities in a skirt. She is more active at night than during the day because she has trouble falling asleep, but often sleeps late.

This is fine, could be better but fine, I don't know how to suggest improvment.



History: Cassandra moved every four years because of her father's job, but eventually the family setteled down in Vermillion City. At one point during the psycotherapy, Cassandra was suggested that she consider becoming a Pokemon trainer. The aim was that she would exersize more and interact with other people, but the plan backfired. Instead, Cassandra spent more and more time thinking about Pokemon and less with her family. After a while, she aquired the trainer's liscense, which convinced her that she should spend more time traveling. Although she loved to travel, she had a hard time convincing herself to move on from one place to the next. She was once in a position of athourity at a club in school, and after she became subject to harsh critisism, she would retreat and seethe with memories of the past. Fearing that she would be left out of the "fun", Cassandra "signed up" so that she could be accepted. She didn't know that it was serious, and when she was accepted, she felt very embaressed, because everyone else knew more than she did, snd because she didn't have any Pokemon. She decided to go to Pallet Town to get some Pokemon for her journey.

Only suggestion is to space this out a little. Otherwise tis fine. Like cut it up into at leat two paragraphs. You don't haev to edit its just fine.


Pokemon: Ponyta
Type:Fire
Name:Equi Boni
Gender: Male
Personality: Naughty, Equi Boni was named after the Latin phrase "good horse", because Cassandra's last ponyta was very well behaved, and was good for riding lessons. Contrary to his name, EB (as he is commonly called) is a mischevious Ponyta. He would often disobey Oak in battle, and after a while, it was suggested that EB be used for riding lessons so that EB would learn to obey her. After many long periods of training, EB would speed up, slow down, stop, start, turn, and jump. However, no one could do nothing else on EB because he was as stubborn as a rock in cement. During battles, he would attack if he thought he could win, but if not, he would run away. After a while, Oak got tired of his antics, and put him up so that trainers would take him away. She made it clear that the trainer would also have to be willing to take on MC, because MC was one of the few Pokemon that could keep EB under control

Good.



Pokemon:Staryu
Type: Water/Psychic
Name: Marus Certus
Gender: Male
Personality: Named for the Latin phrase "Guiding Sea", MC (as he is commonly referred to) is a cool-headed echniderm. A serious Pokemon, MC is often shooting water at EB in order to stop the ponyta's latest stunt. Often mistaken for a pillow, he has been sat on several times. This causes him to be irratated, and he shoots ice cold water on whoever sits on him.
OOC EDIT: Um, now she doesn't have much of a description. 0o; I seem to have a lot of trouble with description/personality/history in my sign ups all of the time.
OOC EDIT 2: My second edit has added more to history. I hope I am doing well.


good.

Grade: B


I think all you need is more rping experince.

~*~



Name: Kate Burns
Age: 14
Gender: Female

why do I grade this again? its fine.



Personality: Kate is quite advanced in wisdom for her age. She wants to be independant and prove that she's not a pushover, using her mature foresight to judge situations better than many girls her own age, seeming to take a higher, more deep and complex perspective of her world. However, she falls behind in many aspects other kids her age take for granted. She isn't clued up on trends, boybands or gossip like most people.

She loves nature and tries to attain a balance like the wildlife around her, yet these feelings have her only in utter confusion. She is way ahead of her years, and her child mind has trouble coping with this. She knows that the natural way of things is right, but it can be too harsh for her sensitive feelings to take.

She is very quiet and shy, not knowing too well how to interact with others her own age. She can get very lonely and depressed and as a result, becomes ill. This denies her her independancy, and depression falls into a spiral.

Much better, this is just fine I dont have any real suggestions atm.


Description: Kate dresses in a pair of loose jeans, hels up by a simple belt. They're battered and torn at the bottom, and accompanied by a pair of scruffy trainers, no longer their origional white and blue but now more of a brown. She wears a boyish baggy black short-sleeved t-shirt with a purple symbol of a seviper.

Her face is round and slightly porky, but her hair covers most of this, dangling down a dark blond. It hangs down straight, stopping above her waist. She always seems to have a worried expression in her green eyes. Her skin is pale due to little exposure to sunlight. When she stands, she rarely ever raises her head to eye level and seems to have an uneasy hunch.


History: She is always told that she can't take care of herself. Ever since she's been little she's been frail and a social outcast. Even with a loving, caring family, she could never fit in with normal society. Growing up in a very urbanised area in Celadon, there was little community feel, and this would often leave her feeling lonely even with a family. She has always yearned for friends, but never had them. Her life has been uninteresting and uneventful so far.

To train pokemon and enter a tournament, she wants to better herself and prove her independancy, and have a little fun for a change.

this is fine.




Pokemon: Magikarp and Ponyta.

Type: Water
Name: Water/MAGIKARP
Gender: Female
Personality: For a magikarp, she's quite strong. Even feebily flopping on the ground she can be evasive, almost succeeding in running away, but that's close to all she can do. Kate can't seem to figure out why she won't stay still for two minutes... a hyper magicarp? Her personality isn't clear as of yet.

Type: Fire
Name: Jade/PONYTA
Gender: Female
Personality: Kate's ride (though she'll still walk). Jade is patient and understanding, and very smart. If there is ever an accident or emergency, Jade will be there to help. Seems to have a soft spot for the weak, and loves anyone who will treat her. Though, she doesn't have blind trust for just anyone. If someone is just trying to bribe or trick her with treats, she will know.

smart horsie, but horses are smart? Magikarp is fine though seems a bit smarter then a normal caaaaaarp.... *blank look*

Grade: B

TheTurquoiseTauros!
24th May 2006, 2:55 AM
Hey lady myuu! Will you be so kind as to PM me when you add more to this?
Id hate to have this counted as spam.

Kutie Pie
24th May 2006, 7:55 AM
I knew I should've added more personality. I've forgotten a few things. And yep, Ruth's my favorite Bible name too! (Seeing as it IS my name, heh.)

Well, if you wish, I can go and edit the personality, though I passed. Is that all right with you? Thanks for commenting on it, though! Made me smile! *hugs*

Cipher Admin Lovrina
27th May 2006, 10:22 PM
Name: Amada Revv
Age: 15
Gender: Female

Personality: Amanda can be very open and talkitive at times. But at other times, she very shy and not so talkitive. When she around her friends and/or family, she is very giggly and funny. This is the times when she's very open and talkitive. When she's around people that she just met or doesn't know, she barely talks or laughs. This is the time when Amanda is shy and not so talkitive. Amanda takes EVERYTHING personally, which means that she makes a big deal out of something small.

Description: Amanda wears very short athlete shorts. They are light blue with black stripes at the side. For a shirt, Amanda wears a hot pink tank-top with a skull-and-cross bones that goes across the shirt. She has white gloves that goes up to the elbow and only wraps around the thumb, like a ring. Pink athlete shoes is what Amanda wears for shoes. Her blonde hair is not styled as pigtails, but there are pigtails at the top of her head [When you take two clumps of hair from the side of your head and tie it up]. Her pink lip gloss glows in the sun like her jeweled hear earrings!

History: Amanda grew up in Celedon City, which is a very big cty. When she turned nine, she always used to run outside with her older sister, Aami [Ah-me], which explains her athletic look. When she turned ten, she heard of Pokemon Training, which is what her sister did. Amanda thought it was some sort of sport. Amanda wanted to try it. Aami told Amanda that she wasn't old enough to raise her own Pokemon. Four years later, when Amanda was four-teen, Amanda had to learn to take care of herself. That's when Amanda got her first Pokemon.

Pokemon: Vulpix & Squirtle

Type: Vulpix
Name: Pixie
Gender: Female
Personality: Pixie is very active and fun to be around! She is also very shy, at times, like Amanda. The only time when Pixie is shy is when there is a lot of people crowding her. When there isn't a lot of people crowding her, she's very happy and active. When she's scared, she just hides behind Amanda.

Type: Squirtle
Name: Aqua
Gender: Female
Personality: Aqua is never afraid to do anything. When she's battling an eletric Pokemon, she never chickens out. When out of battle, Aqua enjoys to eat, play, and sleep! Aqua is a very active Squirtle. When Aqua is run down, that means she's tired.

Jerichi
27th May 2006, 11:03 PM
Name: Karson Kouseitan'i
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Description: About 5’7”, with a relatively muscular build for his age. His hair is a light blond, and is usually sticking up all over the place. He has bright greenish-blue eyes that give off a sense of power set in a innocent but strong face. He wears a red hooded jacket with a simple white t-shirt underneath. His black shorts come down to his knees, and are baggy and light. An X of red runs across the shorts, giving them a little contrast. He wears a chain necklace with his family insignia on it, a eight point star.
Personality: He’s usually chipper and bright, always looking for that silver lining. He can be a bit hot-headed though, and has a bad temper. He doesn’t like to carry on fights, and when he has made his point will storm off. He tends to be a little happy-go-lucky with most things, and doesn’t hesitate to find humor in a lot of things. When he gets in a battle, however, his personality, while still humorous, tightens and sharpens to reveal a tough side. Once he starts something, he will want to finish it one way or another, with the exception of confrontations.
History: Karson hails from Olivine, and has trained in the Johto Leauge. After journeying in the region for a few years and raising a strong team of Pokemon, Karson decided to try something new. Pokemon, Karson decided to go to the region ajacent to his, Kanto. Upon arriving in Saffaron City, he saw a flyer for Double Battle Gyms posted outside of the Saffron Gym. The challenge intrested Karson, and he travled to Pallet to particpate.
Pokemon:

Type:Odissh
Name: Razor
Gender: Male
Personality: Razor is a tough Oddish. He bears a cut in his far left leaf, and likes to brag about his obtaining it. The story he tells is filled with hyperbole; each bit exagerrated. The cut, while he claims it was the product of a battle with a Nidoking, was from an acident involving a pair of scissors. He is very adement, to the point where he can be stubborn. He almost never gives up and battles whole heartedly.

Type: Staryu
Name: Cosmos
Gender: Genderless
Personality: Cosmos is very quite. It only moves when in danger or when ordered too. There is almost no way to know what it is thinking, although Razor can get tidbits out of it when nessacary. Karson thinks that he is in a perpetual state of meditation, but Razor beleives otherwise. Razor, unless battling, treats him like a rock, hitting him repetedly. Cosmos, however, doesn't even move or react, taking the beating lightly.

I used a charecter from one of my old RPGs, so it might not be super.

Bandana
3rd June 2006, 11:26 PM
Name: Sarah Mahogany
Age: 13
Gender: Female
Personality: Sarah is extremely playful and hardly ever serious, due to her love of jokes. She usually goofs of at every chance she gets, making her dubbed: Clown of the Family by her older siblings. Sarah doesn't like the quiet or when people get serious because then she feels a bit depressed and unwanted.
Another trait of her personality is that she gets over excited, talkative, bubbly, playful, fun-loving and is too energetic, making her parents and siblings wish that she'd grow up. But deep down inside, Sarah can get serious and passionate when the time arises.
Description: Sarah stands at a metre sixty-seven, making her the average height for her age. But she's a bit lighter for some one of her pudgy build, at fifty-four kilograms. Her eyes are a bright aqua-green that shine her playful side at people. Her red hair does just the same as it is tied up in two high pigtails. Sarah mainly wears bright T-shirts, that are a bit big for her, with her darkly coloured, blue or black, jeans. And her black and red trainers protect her feet from ground shock whenever she jumps off hills or anything she can.
History: Sarah is the youngest of five children. She lives with her two parents and two older brothers and sisters in, the busy, Celadon City. They are remotely happy when she goes off on her pok'emon journey because the house would be much more quieter with her gone. Sarah started her journey in hopes of finding people and pok'emon alike, that would be just as playful as her. Most trainers want to battle her due to her lack of concentration, but Sarah gets too talkative she talks for so long that theres no time left for battling. So, as you can guess, her pok'emon don't get much training.
It is a mystery why she called her Bulbasaur Bounce, people think its because of her personality.

Pokemon: You will need two of these.

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bounce
Gender: Male
Personality: Bounce is extremely shy and is afraid of the simplest things. Bounce isn't what Sarah expected for a first pok'emon but she's trying to cure him of his shyness. It isn't going too well....

Type: Ponyta
Name: Scarlette
Gender: Female
Personality: Scarlette considers herself the 'mature one' out of her, Bounce and Sarah. She disagrees with Sarah's quest to cure Bounce's shyness, but is never listened to. Scarlette is the one that usually takes control of the battle due to Bounce's shyness and Sarah's bubblyness.

So, is it okay? I think I made Sarah too happy.

i dont know 2 A.K.A. quilava lover
4th June 2006, 2:16 AM
ok I am going to try this but it is my first try ever so please don't go too rough on me but I do want some constructive crit.

Name: josh
Age: 12
Gender: male
Personality: Josh is an average kid and how likes to go to school. When he is with his friends he is very inergetic, but is very shy with people he doesn't know. Josh loved his parents and sometimes when he gets reminded of them he will break down.
Description: Josh is 5,1 and is 112 LBS. His hair his blond and curly. He wears a lime green shirt, light blue jeans, and white shoes. He carries a blue backpack with his skateboard.
History: He loved playing with his mom's poocheyena and and dad's skitty untill both of his parents died in a car crash while he was only 7. He was then a very quiet boy untill he got adopted after three years. Now that he is twelve he has gotten over and has gotten back to his energetic self.
Pokemon: You will need two of these.

Type: magikarp
Name: fishy
Gender: male
Personality: He is a little dense and just splashes around all day.

type: charmander
name: Chloe
gender: female
personality: Chloe always snubs fishy when he wants to play with her. She is a pretty strong fight but doesn't have very good aim with her attacks.

How is that?

.:Ultimate Shroomish:.
4th June 2006, 5:55 AM
Name: Dexon

age: 12

gender: male

Description: Dexon is a tall thin kid withlviolet eyes and black hair. He usually wear his red robe and black sash, and red shoes its sort of his signature apparel. He is kind of weak but has moderate muscles not big buldging ones. He usually has sores on his thumb from bending spoons becouse he his alway practicing his telekenesis. Most of the time Dexon wears a calm and collected look,but sometimes he gets seious and looks angry and sometimes scary,when he is luaghing(which is alot when his friends are around.)his face look like a giant smile with a nose and eyes.

History: Dexon lived in the large and urban Saffroncity till he was 7, his father's job called for his father to move to Mossdeep city to help with the space exploration program. When Dexon got there he soon found that there were two other kids about his age,named Liza & Tate. When Dexon started playing with the twins, Dexon started to gain strange powers...He could occasionly levitate his toys if he concentrated hard enough. Then soon when the twins father became an astronought, the twins inherited the gym. Even though they were only 10 they could easily beat adult and teenage trainers. When the twins hade been gym leaders for a year, Dexon became 10 years old then Dexon's father enrolled him into a trainer academy and he stayed in there for 3 years then he found a sign-up sheet for a new challenge in Kanto he signed up and qukely departed to Kanto.

Pokemon:

type: squirtle

name: hydro

gender: male

persomality: Hydro is rather shy and timid.He sometimes gets scared in battle becouse of the other pokemon,but if the trainer insults Hydro he gets inraged an powerful and charges the opponent without fear of injury.

type: bellsprout

gender: female

name: Mrs.Fruity

Personality: Mrs.Fruity is very confident...maybe too confident about her strength and abilities. If you told her she was the strongest pokemon ever, she would beleive you and start trying to lift boulders and fight every pokemon it meets.

Adam953
7th June 2006, 2:44 AM
Name: Adam Ningat
Age: 12
Gender: Male
Personality: Adam was always known as the genius of his grade level in school. He's very calm, cool, collected, and serious. Adam was expected by his peers to ace everything, pressuring him all the time. He hates to be wrong. He's very competitive in everything he does and makes big deals out of little things. Also, he is not very athletic or popular and would almost trade in his smarts to be either one. He's going on the journey to prove he can be better at something else besides school.
When Adam is around his friends or relatives, Adam can be crazy, wild, and brain dead. This is basically the opposite of how is otherwise.
Description: Adam is about 5' 3" and is rather skinny and light for his age group. He has a dirty blond short buzz cut hairstyle and deep blue eyes. he doesn't smile much unless he's around friends or family and in his other personality state. Around his neck he always wears a tooth on a chain. He's not sure what kind of tooth it is, but he always says it's a Groudon's tooth, just to make his friends jeleous. Adam normally wears a red and black jacket over a T-shirt and some form of jeans. He only wears one pair of shoes, and that's his beaten up sneakers.
History: Adam grew up in Viridian City where there always seemed to be something concerning Team Rocket going on. It was a pretty dirty part of town, but Adam always was able to just ignore it. His dad worked for a company that made medical equipment for Pokemon Centers. He traveled a lot and always brought back a souvenier(sp?) from where ever he went. His mom worked at a local Pokemon school as a counseler(sp?). Despite his neighborhood, Adam had a pretty nice life. When Adam saw the sign-ups for the Double Battle League, he thoguht about for a long time and decided it would be a chance to prove himself, and to make his parents proud.

Pokemon:

Type: Charmander
Name: Nova
Gender: Male
Personality: Nova is a dumb but strong Charmander. He has been known to disobey Adam a lot and charge into situations with a fire attack without thinking about types or any of that "junk" as he would call it. With Adam's smarts and his stregth combined, they make a great team.

Type: Staryu
Name: Ruby
Gender: Genderless but acts like a Female
Personality: Ruby is what you might call a girly girl. She cares a little too much about the shine of her jewel and her coat's wax. She doesn't enjoy battling at all, but when she does, she's surprisingly talented.

Lady Myuu
7th June 2006, 2:52 AM
man I really need to grade, sorry guys. I'm kinda out of it lately and so I got help. She's a little harsher then me but I told her to remember yoru newbies. So don't take anything personal and all, she's probably better then me at this anyway.

Psychic is a great rpger and good writer, she will be grading as well, so that it will move faster. The second part of this school will begin sometime soon hopefully if my rpg groove returns.

i dont know 2 A.K.A. quilava lover
16th June 2006, 3:25 AM
umm... I really don't mean to be rude but when are you going to grade because it's been almost 2 weeks sence I posted my thing.

Once again I don't mean to be rude.

Psychic
16th June 2006, 7:08 AM
I’m sure a lot of you moaned and groaned when you saw Lady Myuu mention just who was going to be helping her grade, and I’ll admit that you have good reason to. But please don’t worry too much- as mentioned, I was briefed so I’m not going to be a total perfection Nazi. I promise I won’t be too harsh, though I also promise that I won’t pass a sign up that won’t get into an RPG.
Please keep in mind that while I’m doing this I am not holding any personal grudges and will not mark in a biased fashion. I will not mark on behavior I have seen in the past and so on, so don’t worry.
I hope you’ll all respect me as much as you do Lady Myuu…and please don’t throw anything at me.



Kutie Pie: Feel free to edit your sign up if you want a re-grade. ^^




Name: Amada Revv
Age: 15
Gender: Female
This is fine, but I think you forgot the ‘n’. XD



Personality: Amanda can be very open and talkitive at times. But at other times, she very shy and not so talkitive. When she around her friends and/or family, she is very giggly and funny. This is the times when she's very open and talkitive. When she's around people that she just met or doesn't know, she barely talks or laughs. This is the time when Amanda is shy and not so talkitive. Amanda takes EVERYTHING personally, which means that she makes a big deal out of something small.
This is good, but I find it a bit extreme that she goes from being open and talkative and smiley to shy and reserved and quiet, so it’s a bit unrealistic if you have someone like that. I have a feeling that this is based off a real live person you know who is like this, but even then I doubt that the way they act is so different depending on who they’re around. Also, maybe go into a bit more depth- does she want to try to make friends with other people, does she want to voice her opinions when around them, but is just too nervous to do so?



Description: Amanda wears very short athlete shorts. They are light blue with black stripes at the side. For a shirt, Amanda wears a hot pink tank-top with a skull-and-cross bones that goes across the shirt. She has white gloves that goes up to the elbow and only wraps around the thumb, like a ring. Pink athlete shoes is what Amanda wears for shoes. Her blonde hair is not styled as pigtails, but there are pigtails at the top of her head [When you take two clumps of hair from the side of your head and tie it up]. Her pink lip gloss glows in the sun like her jeweled hear earrings!
o.O That’s a strange combination for someone who can be so shy. You won’t usually see people who seem to timid wearing hot pink shirts with crossbones on it. XD But it’s pretty cool, though I think you focused a bit too much on her clothing- is she tall/short, fat/thin? What color is her skin? Her eyes?



History: Amanda grew up in Celedon City, which is a very big cty. When she turned nine, she always used to run outside with her older sister, Aami [Ah-me], which explains her athletic look. When she turned ten, she heard of Pokemon Training, which is what her sister did. Amanda thought it was some sort of sport. Amanda wanted to try it. Aami told Amanda that she wasn't old enough to raise her own Pokemon. Four years later, when Amanda was four-teen, Amanda had to learn to take care of herself. That's when Amanda got her first Pokemon.
This isn’t bad, but why did she only start playing outside the moment she turned nine? Did she never go outside before that, and did she ever play indoors? Also, if her sister was a trainer, Amanda would have learned about Pokémon long before ten- if your sister isn’t at home or has little creatures following her around, I’m pretty sure she would notice. Though I find it a bit odd that she was made to wait five years before getting a Pokémon.




Type: Vulpix
Name: Pixie
Gender: Female
Personality: Pixie is very active and fun to be around! She is also very shy, at times, like Amanda. The only time when Pixie is shy is when there is a lot of people crowding her. When there isn't a lot of people crowding her, she's very happy and active. When she's scared, she just hides behind Amanda.
Pretty good- sounds reasonable enough, even though it’s strange that she has the same sort of personality as her trainer. Maybe a bit more on how Pixie likes to run around should be added.


Type: Squirtle
Name: Aqua
Gender: Female
Personality: Aqua is never afraid to do anything. When she's battling an eletric Pokemon, she never chickens out. When out of battle, Aqua enjoys to eat, play, and sleep! Aqua is a very active Squirtle. When Aqua is run down, that means she's tired.
o.O Yes, usually if one is ‘run down’ it means that they’re tired- any reason you were pointing this out?
Anyways, I like this bold aspect you gave Aqua. This is fine.


Final Grade: C+

This was pretty good and acceptable in most RPs, but I think you could have gone into a bit more depth- you really only showed how Amanda and her Pokémon acted, not so much about what they think, when and why. Concentrate a bit more on the emotions they feel, and you need to be a bit less vague with your words; ‘active’ doesn’t tell us very much.
I also think you need to think a bit more about how a person’s history will affect the kind of personality they have. Just remember that every problem, every action, every event has an effect on people and the way they act.





Name: Karson Kouseitan'i
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Perfectly fine. *tries to pronounce last name*



Description: About 5’7”, with a relatively muscular build for his age. His hair is a light blond, and is usually sticking up all over the place. He has bright greenish-blue eyes that give off a sense of power set in a innocent but strong face. He wears a red hooded jacket with a simple white t-shirt underneath. His black shorts come down to his knees, and are baggy and light. An X of red runs across the shorts, giving them a little contrast. He wears a chain necklace with his family insignia on it, a eight point star.
*nods* Looks good to me. I don’t quite get the thing with the eyes giving off power, though.



Personality: He’s usually chipper and bright, always looking for that silver lining. He can be a bit hot-headed though, and has a bad temper. He doesn’t like to carry on fights, and when he has made his point will storm off. He tends to be a little happy-go-lucky with most things, and doesn’t hesitate to find humor in a lot of things. When he gets in a battle, however, his personality, while still humorous, tightens and sharpens to reveal a tough side. Once he starts something, he will want to finish it one way or another, with the exception of confrontations.
This is quite good- personality reminds me of every ‘leader’ in a team/group from an Animé. (ie. Ash, Tyson, Tai, Davis) XD Put into words very well, though.



History: Karson hails from Olivine, and has trained in the Johto Leauge. After journeying in the region for a few years and raising a strong team of Pokemon, Karson decided to try something new. Pokemon, Karson decided to go to the region ajacent to his, Kanto. Upon arriving in Saffaron City, he saw a flyer for Double Battle Gyms posted outside of the Saffron Gym. The challenge intrested Karson, and he travled to Pallet to particpate.
Hmm, I’m not so sure about this part- you’re giving your character a huge advantage over the others (which is powerplaying, even in a small way) because he already participated in a League (isn’t he a bit young to have already gone through all of Johto?) making it a bit unfair for the others. It looks good, but I don’t think it’s what is being looked for in this RPG.



Type:Odissh
Name: Razor
Gender: Male
Personality: Razor is a tough Oddish. He bears a cut in his far left leaf, and likes to brag about his obtaining it. The story he tells is filled with hyperbole; each bit exagerrated. The cut, while he claims it was the product of a battle with a Nidoking, was from an acident involving a pair of scissors. He is very adement, to the point where he can be stubborn. He almost never gives up and battles whole heartedly.
XD That’s pretty cute- good that you gave Razor this sort of individual history. I think instead of talking about it, though, concentrate a bit more on the fact that he brags and exaggerates about everything.


Type: Staryu
Name: Cosmos
Gender: Genderless
Personality: Cosmos is very quite. It only moves when in danger or when ordered too. There is almost no way to know what it is thinking, although Razor can get tidbits out of it when nessacary. Karson thinks that he is in a perpetual state of meditation, but Razor beleives otherwise. Razor, unless battling, treats him like a rock, hitting him repetedly. Cosmos, however, doesn't even move or react, taking the beating lightly.
o.O Does Cosmos ever talk, then? And you didn’t really concentrate on its personality- just on the way it acts and the way other treat it. Sure, nobody else knows what its thinking, but you designed the character, so you should know. That’s the idea of putting down their personality.


Final Grade: A-

I took marks off for the slightly advantageous history and the personalities of the Pokémon. Other than that, it was pretty good, though I suggest you run a spell-check through your posts- you had quite a few spelling mistakes which you might want to watch out for. :P Overall it was pretty good, though, and would definitely get accepted for an RP unless someone were to nitpick over the history.





Name: Sarah Mahogany
Age: 13
Gender: Female
:O Dat be my name. :3 It’s fine.



Personality: Sarah is extremely playful and hardly ever serious, due to her love of jokes. She usually goofs of at every chance she gets, making her dubbed: Clown of the Family by her older siblings. Sarah doesn't like the quiet or when people get serious because then she feels a bit depressed and unwanted.
Another trait of her personality is that she gets over excited, talkative, bubbly, playful, fun-loving and is too energetic, making her parents and siblings wish that she'd grow up. But deep down inside, Sarah can get serious and passionate when the time arises.
XD This pretty good, and I see no problems except the constant happiness is a bit unrealistic.



Description: Sarah stands at a metre sixty-seven, making her the average height for her age. But she's a bit lighter for some one of her pudgy build, at fifty-four kilograms. Her eyes are a bright aqua-green that shine her playful side at people. Her red hair does just the same as it is tied up in two high pigtails. Sarah mainly wears bright T-shirts, that are a bit big for her, with her darkly coloured, blue or black, jeans. And her black and red trainers protect her feet from ground shock whenever she jumps off hills or anything she can.
Heeeey, just because I’m Canadian doesn’t mean I know Canadian measurements. >< I kid, but seriously, I don’t remember how much that is.
It’s fine otherwise, though. Just…stop abusing the poor commas. ;-;



History: Sarah is the youngest of five children. She lives with her two parents and two older brothers and sisters in, the busy, Celadon City. They are remotely happy when she goes off on her pok'emon journey because the house would be much more quieter with her gone. Sarah started her journey in hopes of finding people and pok'emon alike, that would be just as playful as her. Most trainers want to battle her due to her lack of concentration, but Sarah gets too talkative she talks for so long that theres no time left for battling. So, as you can guess, her pok'emon don't get much training.
It is a mystery why she called her Bulbasaur Bounce, people think its because of her personality.
This is fine, though I find it a bit…strange that her parents want her gone so badly and are so happy when she finally leaves.
‘Remotely’ means ‘slightly’, fyi.



Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bounce
Gender: Male
Personality: Bounce is extremely shy and is afraid of the simplest things. Bounce isn't what Sarah expected for a first pok'emon but she's trying to cure him of his shyness. It isn't going too well....
Sounds interesting, though a bit more detail would be nice. Does this affect the way Bounce battles or anything?


Type: Ponyta
Name: Scarlette
Gender: Female
Personality: Scarlette considers herself the 'mature one' out of her, Bounce and Sarah. She disagrees with Sarah's quest to cure Bounce's shyness, but is never listened to. Scarlette is the one that usually takes control of the battle due to Bounce's shyness and Sarah's bubblyness.
o.O this was okay, but again, a bit more detail about the way she acts and thinks.



So, is it okay? I think I made Sarah too happy.
Well, my Final Grade is: A- just because though yes, Sarah did seem so happy it was a bit unrealistic, and a bit more detail on the personalities of her Pokémon would be nice, but not extremely necessary, as I think you would still be able to develop them quite well during the RP.
Oh, and look out for comma abuse- you use the little things a bit too much. Also, either write Pokémon or Pokemon- please don’t put the apostrophe in place of the accent.





umm... I really don't mean to be rude but when are you going to grade because it's been almost 2 weeks sence I posted my thing.

Once again I don't mean to be rude.
Okay, first of all, I have other and slightly more important things to do other than grade these things. Remember that the people here take time out of their scedual to help you, and for some of us, final exams could mean the difference between getting a good or bad education and therefore life in the years to come.

And anyways, you won’t be so eager once you see my grade. Fyi, no, this was marked before I read your post. Either way, as I said, I do not hold grudges against people, so I am being perfectly fair.



ok I am going to try this but it is my first try ever so please don't go too rough on me but I do want some constructive crit.
:3 You’ll get constructive crit, but just because it’s your first time doesn’t mean you get any special treatment.



Name: josh
Age: 12
Gender: male
This is fine, though names should be capitalized.



Personality: Josh is an average kid and how likes to go to school. When he is with his friends he is very inergetic, but is very shy with people he doesn't know. Josh loved his parents and sometimes when he gets reminded of them he will break down.
o.O Yeeeaaah, this lacks a lot of detail. You need to describe him a lot more because this doesn’t tell us much about the way he thinks and acts.



Description: Josh is 5,1 and is 112 LBS. His hair his blond and curly. He wears a lime green shirt, light blue jeans, and white shoes. He carries a blue backpack with his skateboard.
This is written exactly how Lady Myuu showed not to in her first post, only you added a few more details. It’s okay, but what about the length of his hair? Does he have eyes? Skin color?



History: He loved playing with his mom's poocheyena and and dad's skitty untill both of his parents died in a car crash while he was only 7. He was then a very quiet boy untill he got adopted after three years. Now that he is twelve he has gotten over and has gotten back to his energetic self.
o.O Again, this is pretty much exactly what you were told not to do. It has the old, overdone, cliché history that everyone is sick to death of seeing. If you could make it a bit more original and less yawn, it wouldn’t look so bad.



Type: magikarp
Name: fishy
Gender: male
Personality: He is a little dense and just splashes around all day.
That doesn’t tell us much about Fishy’s personality- what does he think and fell? How does he act, aside from just splashing around? You’re much too vague, especially when you use words like ‘dense’ without explaining what you mean by them. Again, capitalize names (and also names of Pokémon species).


type: charmander
name: Chloe
gender: female
personality: Chloe always snubs fishy when he wants to play with her. She is a pretty strong fight but doesn't have very good aim with her attacks.
Again, that really tells us very little about her. You said how she acts in a single situation, but through telling us how she acts in this situation you should also be able to tell us how she normally acts. Does this mean she dislikes all Water Pokémon, or just that she is easily annoyed? Elaborate and go more into detail.


Final Mark: D
All you need to do is add more details at this point, because you were much too vague in just about every field on the sheet. Also try to steer clear of the overdone, the cliché and the corny/cheesy.





Name: Dexon

age: 12

gender: male
This is fine.



Description: Dexon is a tall thin kid withlviolet eyes and black hair. He usually wear his red robe and black sash, and red shoes its sort of his signature apparel. He is kind of weak but has moderate muscles not big buldging ones. He usually has sores on his thumb from bending spoons becouse he his alway practicing his telekenesis. Most of the time Dexon wears a calm and collected look,but sometimes he gets seious and looks angry and sometimes scary,when he is luaghing(which is alot when his friends are around.)his face look like a giant smile with a nose and eyes.
A bit more detail on what the robe looks like, please- are we talking bathrobe or kimono? I find it odd that he wears red shoes, but that’s up to you.
o.O he is weak but has moderate muscles? You know that ‘moderate’ in this case would mean a bit larger than normal?
WOW WOW WOW, hold the phone! TELEKINESIS!?!?! *starts steaming* I’ll have to go over this later.
Try to go a bit more into detail about what you mean about the facial features.



History: Dexon lived in the large and urban Saffroncity till he was 7, his father's job called for his father to move to Mossdeep city to help with the space exploration program. When Dexon got there he soon found that there were two other kids about his age,named Liza & Tate. When Dexon started playing with the twins, Dexon started to gain strange powers...He could occasionly levitate his toys if he concentrated hard enough. Then soon when the twins father became an astronought, the twins inherited the gym. Even though they were only 10 they could easily beat adult and teenage trainers. When the twins hade been gym leaders for a year, Dexon became 10 years old then Dexon's father enrolled him into a trainer academy and he stayed in there for 3 years then he found a sign-up sheet for a new challenge in Kanto he signed up and qukely departed to Kanto.
>< Let me start from the beginning:
Have a look at Lady Myuu’s post and look for any sort of clue as to the time period. Unfortunately, she does not say specifically right off the bat, so let’s do some research. Well, she says that Emily Oak, the great-granddaughter of professor Oak is the person giving out starter Pokémon. Now in the show we see that Gary, Oak’s grandson, is around the age of ten-twelve. So Emily Oak would basically be his daughter, who he would probably have at about the age of twenty, ten years later. Not long after Gary has Emily, the professor would probably die of old age. Then Emily would grow older and older and could only go into a real profession after she finishes university, then she would probably have to pass all these tests AFTER applying for a job, meaning she would become a real Pokémon professor at the age of at least twenty five.
Now, let’s go all the way to Mossdeep City where the twins Liza and Tate reside. Obviously, these two will still be affected by the flow of time like everybody else in the world, meaning that because about thirty years have passed, they will be in their forties. You said that at seven, Dexon moved to Mossdeep where there were kids his age. Unless you are completely daft, you’ll see that their ages are not similar in the least bit. Sorry, but before you can even defend yourself: grown adults will not hang out with little kids unless they are mentally unstable. After all, these people can have kids of their own at this point, who are probably teenagers at that point.

But let’s eradicate the time component for a minute, shall we? Because even without the whole mistake of time not passing, your history is still…well, I’m not going to lie: terrible. Let’s break it up into pieces:
Piece one: Dexon lives in Saffron City- perfectly fine, nothing wrong here.
Piece two: Dexon moves to Mossdeep City in a whole other region because of his father’s work- again, perfectly fine, perfectly normal, typical family thing.
Piece three: Dexon makes two friends; Liza and Tate- here trouble is already brewing, because it’s best not to have your characters interact with cannon characters unless the GM implies so. They won’t usually say it outright, but usually if they mention cannon characters in their plot or whatever, then it’s pretty much okay.
Piece four: Dexon suddenly gains strange powers- ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT. This, this right here is what completely ruined your sign up, and it didn’t help that you provided no explanation whatsoever as to why he gained the powers- the twins didn’t even have them, so why does he? Do you know what powerplaying is? In short, it is making your character stronger than the others, giving them advantages over others. In a game, this is extremely unfair to the other people because even if they have these amazing, well-developed characters they worked really hard on, they will be outshone by this cheap character, just because he is more ‘special’ than them. This was the case even for Jerichi’s character, simply because he had an advantage over the others in that he was already a Pokémon trainer. You have absolutely no right in any RP to do something like this, so I highly recommend, no, demand you stop if you are already doing so.
Piece four: Liza and Tate gain control over the Gym and defeat most opponents- this is totally unrelated to your character and you don’t show it having an affect on him, but whatever- moving on.
Piece five: Dexon goes to a Trainer Academy for three years when he’s ten- not only can you not do math seeing as the child is twelve, but again, you are powerplaying in giving your character more experience in battling.
Piece six: Dexon sees a sheet and signs up for the Double Battle Challenge- this would be fine, however do you really think a school would allow their students to suddenly leave it without even their parent’s permission? A school is responsible to keep the kids in the building, and they can’t just let them run off to a whole other region.



type: squirtle

name: hydro

gender: male

persomality: Hydro is rather shy and timid.He sometimes gets scared in battle becouse of the other pokemon,but if the trainer insults Hydro he gets inraged an powerful and charges the opponent without fear of injury.
The transition between being scared and timid and fearless and bold is a bit too much- bit unrealistic if he changes just because his opponent insults him/his trainer.


type: bellsprout

gender: female

name: Mrs.Fruity

Personality: Mrs.Fruity is very confident...maybe too confident about her strength and abilities. If you told her she was the strongest pokemon ever, she would beleive you and start trying to lift boulders and fight every pokemon it meets.
This is okay, but please explain a bit more what you mean about her believing what she is told- does this mean she’s gullible, or just that she really thinks she’s that good? Elaborate more on her personality.


Final Grade: D
In short: it seems like not enough thought was put into this, as if it was done in two minutes without a second thought, without even looking it over. It laps any depth and proper explanations, and you should have gone into much more detail in just about every field. The history was atrocious, and you obviously did not look at the first post closely enough to see what time frame the RPG takes place in, but of course your character is still a powerplaying character to a huge extent. Superhuman abilities are a no-no in RPGs unless the plot requires them.
You might want to reconsider and work for at least ten to fifteen minutes on your sign ups from now on.




Name: Adam Ningat
Age: 12
Gender: Male
This is fine, of course.



Personality: Adam was always known as the genius of his grade level in school. He's very calm, cool, collected, and serious. Adam was expected by his peers to ace everything, pressuring him all the time. He hates to be wrong. He's very competitive in everything he does and makes big deals out of little things. Also, he is not very athletic or popular and would almost trade in his smarts to be either one. He's going on the journey to prove he can be better at something else besides school.
When Adam is around his friends or relatives, Adam can be crazy, wild, and brain dead. This is basically the opposite of how is otherwise.
XD This is quite good, and I see no real problems. *thumbs up for detail and depth*



Description: Adam is about 5' 3" and is rather skinny and light for his age group. He has a dirty blond short buzz cut hairstyle and deep blue eyes. he doesn't smile much unless he's around friends or family and in his other personality state. Around his neck he always wears a tooth on a chain. He's not sure what kind of tooth it is, but he always says it's a Groudon's tooth, just to make his friends jeleous. Adam normally wears a red and black jacket over a T-shirt and some form of jeans. He only wears one pair of shoes, and that's his beaten up sneakers.
This is also pretty good, and nice touch with the ‘Groudon’ tooth. XD



History: Adam grew up in Viridian City where there always seemed to be something concerning Team Rocket going on. It was a pretty dirty part of town, but Adam always was able to just ignore it. His dad worked for a company that made medical equipment for Pokemon Centers. He traveled a lot and always brought back a souvenier(sp?) from where ever he went. His mom worked at a local Pokemon school as a counseler(sp?). Despite his neighborhood, Adam had a pretty nice life. When Adam saw the sign-ups for the Double Battle League, he thoguht about for a long time and decided it would be a chance to prove himself, and to make his parents proud.
This is good, though I think that because of his personality, he would sign up to prove that he can do more than ace tests, NOT to make his parents proud. Also, if you don’t know how to spell a word, just paste your Sign Up on Microsoft Word or a similar program- it can help neaten up your stuff and find any mistakes you’ve missed.



Type: Charmander
Name: Nova
Gender: Male
Personality: Nova is a dumb but strong Charmander. He has been known to disobey Adam a lot and charge into situations with a fire attack without thinking about types or any of that "junk" as he would call it. With Adam's smarts and his stregth combined, they make a great team.
This is quite good, though if he disobeys Adam then how can they combine their smarts and strengths?


Type: Staryu
Name: Ruby
Gender: Genderless but acts like a Female
Personality: Ruby is what you might call a girly girl. She cares a little too much about the shine of her jewel and her coat's wax. She doesn't enjoy battling at all, but when she does, she's surprisingly talented.
XD Cool, interesting character. Though you could elaborate a bit more on being ‘talented’ and how/if she tries to avoid battling and getting dirty, etc.


Final Grade: A-
Pretty good, there isn’t a whole lot more you can do with it except elaborate a bit more. *shrugs*





YAAAAY, IT’S ONE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED MY FIRST BATCH OF GRADES. :3
I’m sorry if not everyone was happy with their marks, and I’m quite sure I marked fairly, but if anyone has a quarrel about, take it up with me- I don’t bite. (Because I scratch with COUGAR CLAWS.) :D
I need to get to bed…Canadian History exam tomorrow...*yawns*

~Psychic

MajinDegeto
24th June 2006, 7:56 AM
um ok lady i think i had enough practice and am ready to see if i get a good grade so heres my sign up for macross also known as robotech

Sign Up:

Name: Bojack Lash
Age:19
Gender:Male
Height:5 foot 9 inchs
Weight: 130 pounds
Type: humanoid
Personality: very cruel to his enemies, doesnt give any mercy to no one, he kills right on sight, his becomes more hostile when he hears music, he doesnt talk much about his past or anything else, and he hates humans.
Description: wears a black space battle suit, has a mark that looks like a devil on his helmet, he has short black hair that reachs to his neck and no further, his green eyes put fear into those who stare into them, his body is muscular because the bionics.
History: was a former ace pilot for the macross fleet that battled the Zentradi. he was left behind after the accident in space when they thought he was dead but he survived. an unknown figure helped him survive for 35 years and now he is out for revenge.
Abilities: since he has the Dark One cells inside him he can tranform his mech into a bigger more detructive mech than before,he can also have his mech heal its self, and when he comes incontact with other people through the use of his mech he can infect them with the Dark Ones cell and make them become his servant.

Lady Myuu
24th June 2006, 8:15 AM
... I'm not gonna grade, did you read the first page of this thread? There is a signup there you must fill. This is your own signup and I wont even grade it as its not what was asked for.

MajinDegeto
24th June 2006, 10:04 AM
oh im very sorry lady i didnt mean to cause a problem i thought that was an example so im very sorry im just nervous about begin graded. ok this is what u want a pokemon sign up.


Name:Jack Gearmen
Age:12
Gender:Male
Personality: very friendly, always ready to go on an adventure,likes to meet new people and friends, never turns down a battle, never gives up, determined to be the best.

Description: he is about 4'6, he wears a green cap that has a pokeball logo on it, he also wears a bandana on his right arm, he also wears black shoes,white socks, blue pants,a yellow t shirt with no sleeves, he has purple gloves on his arms that reach to his elbow,and he carriers a back pack.

History: he grew up in Cerulean City.by the age of ten he went to see a show at the Cerulean City gym it was there he saw he first pokemon battle when misty and ash battled team rocket during a performence misty was putting on. after that battle Jack wanted to become a Pokemon trainer. he worked really hard to get his chance. waiting for the right time when he would be the next Pokemon master. it has been his dream to be a pokemon master and so he will do anything to try and pursue it.

Pokemon:charmander
Name:Inferno
Gender:Male
Personality: a very friendly pokemon but is very shy when it comes to meeting new people. when too many people get near Inferno he hides behind jack. in a battle Inferno always tries his best. wanting to be the best he can be. he shows how much determination Inferno has. Inferno never wants to give up. but when he reachs his limit he still trys to get back up.

Pokemon:Abra
Name:Pshyicy
Gender:male
Personality: this pokemon sleeps alot. but does well in a battle. it too is friendly but not shy. he likes it when there are lots of people because he likes it when he gets all the attention. in battles it always wears out his enemies pokemon then he fights back when the pokemon are too tired to move or fight back.

DunsparceGX
3rd July 2006, 3:33 AM
I'm extremely new to RPG so here it goes.......

__________________________________________________ ____

Name: Nick Yukino
Age:12
Gender:Male

Personality: Nick is a lazy person that likes to look at clouds and read. When time calls for it he is quick to formulate a plan and take action.He makes alot of mistakes, but he learns greatly from those mistakes.

Description: Nick is 5'3" and weighs 94 lb.Nick has spiky raven black hair and an orange jacket with crimson red sleeves that turn into a flame design at the under arm and down and the shoulder area is a sky blue. He also has a black T-shirt under the jacket.He has light colored jeans with a chain on the right side to carry his pokeballs.He also has astonishing violet eyes. He has a pair of black shoes with a light blue pokeball design on the sides.

History:Nick has been raised in an average environment in Phenec City. He leads a normal
life. When he heard about the the Doble Battle League he took the first plane to Viridian, where he would walk to Pallet.

Type: Charmander
Name: Blaze
Gender:Female
Personality:Lazy(Betcha saw that coming)Blaze usually slacks off when she has nothing to do, but when in battle she has a will to never give up.

Type:Oddish( a light brownish- red)
Name: Dango
Gender:Female
Personality: Dango is extremely energetic and full of life. She has a will of fire
and is extremely obediant in battle. She is a brownish-red color because of a bad
experiance with adobe(reddish-brown clay)

foxkitty
9th July 2006, 10:34 PM
Name: Rika Adrena
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Personality: She is a tomboy.She usally keeps to herself. Rika spents her free time reading, making up stories and playing with their family's pet Flareon. Rika loves nature. She loves just to lay down in the grass and watch the clouds go by for hours on end. She climbs this big oak tree in the middle of their yard all the time. Rika can get up to the top. She has found a robin's nest, and a squirrel while climbing the tree. Rika likes to be by herself for awhile but then likes to go meet her friends and go somewhere because she doesn't likes being alone all the time.

Description: She's 5'8 and 120 LBS. Rika has shoulder length reddish brown hair, that is usally pulled into a high ponytail with her bangs pushed to the right side. The end of her bangs curl up in front of her right ear. She wears sunglasses on top of her head and only pulls them over her eyes to block the sun. She has light green eyes. Her skin is as pale as a ghost when the sun shines on it. Across her face are small brown freckles. She wears a white tanktop with a unzipped navy blue jacket over it. Rika wears light blue jeans.
History: Rika has lived in Lilycove since she was 4 years-old. Their house is on the edge of the beach. She lives with her mom and dad and she has an older sister that has already went off on her journey, she would be 19 right now. When Rika's sister was around she had always been in her shadow. Everybody in town knew her, and Rika was left in her shadow. WHen her sister left everybody turned on her, wanting her to be as successful as her sister. Rika was borned on a small island off shore. She can't remeber the name of it because they had moved to Lilycove when she was only 4.

Pokemon:

Type: Vulpix
Name: Coal
Gender: Male
Personality:Coal is playfull. He loves to play around with other pokemon and people. Coal's playfullness helps him in battles. He's playfullyness helps him dodge attacks and to find clever ways to attack. Coal hates being serious, he thinks its boring, so he loves to mess around.

Type: Squirtle
Name: Bubly
Gender: Female
Personality: Bubly is afraid of everything, small and big. She finds hidding in her shell and/or pokeball helpful. Even though Bubly is afraid that doesn't keep her from fighting other pokemon. Bubly hates it when someone calls her weak and loves to prove them wrong by battling them and wining.

Lady Myuu
11th July 2006, 6:36 AM
Name:Jack Gearmen
Age:12
Gender:Male

this is fine.



Personality: very friendly, always ready to go on an adventure,likes to meet new people and friends, never turns down a battle, never gives up, determined to be the best.

Cliche, overused, garystu. Is he just a big bundle of joy? Seriously, this guy just seems ready to go and do anything with out a second thought or glance. Usually people are a bit more complex then that. How about some other emotions other then happy go lucky lets find the end of the rainbow kind?

Look at some of the higher graded sign ups and check out the personalities, see how they are presented and how they are more deep then this.



Description: he is about 4'6, he wears a green cap that has a pokeball logo on it, he also wears a bandana on his right arm, he also wears black shoes,white socks, blue pants,a yellow t shirt with no sleeves, he has purple gloves on his arms that reach to his elbow,and he carriers a back pack.

So he has colorless eyes and no hair, he also seems to be lacking a face. instead of saying 'he also wears' you could just end the sentence and start a new one with what else he wears.


History: he grew up in Cerulean City.by the age of ten he went to see a show at the Cerulean City gym it was there he saw he first pokemon battle when misty and ash battled team rocket during a performence misty was putting on. after that battle Jack wanted to become a Pokemon trainer. he worked really hard to get his chance. waiting for the right time when he would be the next Pokemon master. it has been his dream to be a pokemon master and so he will do anything to try and pursue it.

... if you had read the plot you would know that this takes place many many years since the anime. As Oak's grand daughter is the new proff. So it would be impossible for this guy to see that show. Unless he was like, a hundred years old now.


Pokemon:charmander
Name:Inferno
Gender:Male
Personality: a very friendly pokemon but is very shy when it comes to meeting new people. when too many people get near Inferno he hides behind jack. in a battle Inferno always tries his best. wanting to be the best he can be. he shows how much determination Inferno has. Inferno never wants to give up. but when he reachs his limit he still trys to get back up.

This is ok but it could have been worded better. Put a space between the : ok?



Pokemon:Abra
Name:Pshyicy
Gender:male
Personality: this pokemon sleeps alot. but does well in a battle. it too is friendly but not shy. he likes it when there are lots of people because he likes it when he gets all the attention. in battles it always wears out his enemies pokemon then he fights back when the pokemon are too tired to move or fight back.

This is auto out cuz i didn't list abra as a chosen starter.

FINAL GRADE: D-

In the final, your character is a bit cliche and you description and history needs some work. You are welcome to try again as many times as you like.
If you are not experinced in writing perhaps you should check out the fanfiction forum and read the rules and advice as it helps you write better which is needed for rpgs also.

~*~


Name: Nick Yukino
Age:12
Gender:Male

Fine.


Personality: Nick is a lazy person that likes to look at clouds and read. When time calls for it he is quick to respond and take action.When Nick battles he becomes a person who won't go down without a fight.His strong will to keep going to the very end which makes him a worthy opponent.

Just a quick suggestion; put a space after your periods.

Anyway.

Most trainers do not go down with out a fight when they are battling. Because it is a fight and you usually fight to not go down. If you get what I mean.

Also I think there is a bit more to Nick then what you speak about, We know he is lazy and that he is also quick. Can you really be both? I mean I'm a lazy butt and I lay around alot, its hard to get up quickly when you are busy cloud watching. Then I think there should be more depth in his personality, such as his temper and moods he has at certian times ect.



Description: Nick is 5'3" and weighs 88 lb.Nick has spiky raven black hair and an orange jacket with crimson red sleeves that turn into a flame design at the under arm and down and the shoulder area is a sky blue. He also has a black T-shirt under the jacket.He has light colored jeans with a chain on the right side to carry his pokeballs.He also has astonishing violet eyes. He has a pair of black shoes with a light blue pokeball design on the sides.

wow 88 pounds at 5'3? o.o THATS SMALL. Is he ok? Violet eyes :P those are so common... but since its anime its ok.




History:Nick has been raised in an average environment in Phenec City. He lead a normal lazy life passing in everything he done. Then he heard about the Double Battle League. He was on the first plane to Viridian were he would walk to Pallet. The last thing he said before leaving his parents was, " Finally, a challenge."

He is lazy cuz he is so skilled :O actually I don't find that possible as you do have to put some sort of effort into work or else it comes out as something not as great as it could have been.

I think you could write a little more detailed history, such as growing up and things. So the league is his challange? >> wow this guy is perfect isn't he?


Type: Charmander
Name: Blaze
Gender:Female
Personality:Lazy(Betcha saw that coming)Blaze usually slacks off when she has nothing to do, but when in battle she has a will to never give up.

Sure alot of laziness going around.


Type:Oddish( a light brownish- red)
Name: Dango
Gender:Female
Personality: Dango is extremely energetic and full of life. She has a will of fire
and is extremely obediant in battle. She is a brownish-red color because of a bad
experiance with adobe(reddish-brown clay)

XD thats cute.

Final Grade: C-


I think you can put alot more detail into this character. Try and make him believiable at least.


~*~

Note: I wish you put half as much effort into your rpg posts as you did this signup.


Name: Rika Adrena
Age: 15
Gender: Female

Fine


Personality: She is a tomboy.She usally keeps to herself. Rika spents her free time reading, making up stories and playing with their family's pet Flareon. Rika loves nature. She loves just to lay down in the grass and watch the clouds go by for hours on end. She climbs this big oak tree in the middle of their yard all the time. Rika can get up to the top. She has found a robin's nest, and a squirrel while climbing the tree. Rika likes to be by herself for awhile but then likes to go meet her friends and go somewhere because she doesn't likes being alone all the time.

Why would she find a robin and a squrriel nest in a pokemon world? ... is this a personality or a history? Personality is how the person acts emotionally around themselves and other people.


Description: She's 5'8 and 120 LBS. Rika has shoulder length reddish brown hair, that is usally pulled into a high ponytail with her bangs pushed to the right side. The end of her bangs curl up in front of her right ear. She wears sunglasses on top of her head and only pulls them over her eyes to block the sun. She has light green eyes. Her skin is as pale as a ghost when the sun shines on it. Across her face are small brown freckles. She wears a white tanktop with a unzipped navy blue jacket over it. Rika wears light blue jeans..

While its a bit choppy, this is a good description though you could have written it out better. But that comes with practice.


History: Rika has lived in Lilycove since she was 4 years-old. Their house is on the edge of the beach. She lives with her mom and dad and she has an older sister that has already went off on her journey, she would be 19 right now. When Rika's sister was around she had always been in her shadow. Everybody in town knew her, and Rika was left in her shadow. WHen her sister left everybody turned on her, wanting her to be as successful as her sister. Rika was borned on a small island off shore. She can't remeber the name of it because they had moved to Lilycove when she was only 4

A little cliche with the whole 'big shoes to fill' from her sister. The history is again pretty good though choppy. But as I said before it comes with practice.

Pokemon:


Type: Vulpix
Name: Coal
Gender: Male
Personality:Coal is playfull. He loves to play around with other pokemon and people. Coal's playfullness helps him in battles. He's playfullyness helps him dodge attacks and to find clever ways to attack. Coal hates being serious, he thinks its boring, so he loves to mess around.

This is alright.


Type: Squirtle
Name: Bubly
Gender: Female
Personality: Bubly is afraid of everything, small and big. She finds hidding in her shell and/or pokeball helpful. Even though Bubly is afraid that doesn't keep her from fighting other pokemon. Bubly hates it when someone calls her weak and loves to prove them wrong by battling them and wining.

This is alright.


Final Grade: C+

While I havn't been pleased with your rpg posts, this sign up gives you some hope. Alot of what you need is just practice so you can learn the best ways to write. You need to fix your personality and that will get you a B-.



~*~


LESSON TWO:
THE CORRECT WAY TO START YOUR POST!

Before you even START to think about replying for the first time to an rpg. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE READ THE RPG RULES AND ADVICE.

1. The first thing you must do when the rpg you joined is about to begin. Is to read the whole post. THE WHOLE STARTING POST the GM has made. As it may contain importent infomation about what you should do.

2. When you begin your post, make sure you know your character and remember the personality, you don't want to go ooc if it has been awhile since you joined.

3. Make sure your post is within the rules, meaning they must be a paragraph long at least... Its better if its longer. If you don't have much writing exerpince then head over to fanfiction and read the advice for aspiring authors.

http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19

This will help you understand the basic rules for writing a story which will also help you write rpg posts.

The object of your next post to this thread: Is to write a starting post! I will give you instructions on how it should be done and then you will attempt to create that post. I will grade it just like I graded everything else and you are allowed to redo it as many times as you want.

Thank Yami Ryu for creating the post I will be using as to show you the right way and the wrong way to make a post.

THE WRONG WAY:


Originally Posted by Billy Bob Timmy Jimmy
Billy Bob Timmy Jimmy, also known as Billy was getting his pokemon today!

He went to the lab!

He picked out a pokeball!

Billy let out the pokemon and gasped as it was an english speaking shiny charmander that loved him instantly!

Billy rushed out of the lab with his charmander.

Billy got into random battle!

"Charmander, fire blast!"

"Ok!"

Charmander uses fireblast. Random Rattata fried. Random Rattata died. Billy wins


THE RIGHT WAY:



Jake Job was a young trainer to be. He was average in hieght, wieght and smarts, and he was on his way to the pokemon lab. He had ignored his half insane thrice removed cousin earlier, and then only moments ago as he entered the building, a bit weary from a five minute hike to the lab, but none the worse for wear.

"Hello?" He called out, and waited a few moments to recive an answer from the professor all the in the back room where the other pokemon evidently were. Entering the building causiously, Jake made his way through the lab and to the back room, and was greeted once again by the professor.

"Ah, there you are Jake. Afraid to say the Charmander was taken, but there is still Squirtle and Bulbasaur if you'd have one of them in its place." The kindly old man said while motioning to a red and white sphere with a leaf on the red part, and a near duplicate of the first- only with a water mark instead.

Jake took on a serious expression as he thought about it, then with a nod of his head at his choice inwardly, he snatched up the one with the leaf. "I'll take Bulbasaur, if that's alright Professor Leaf."

The Professor smiled kindly again, "Yes it's fine. But you better hurry up if you want to catch up with your cousin," he said while shooing the young man out of the lab, or attempting too, so Jake would hurry up on his quest.

Jake glanced around for a few seconds, ignoring the near deafening cheering that obviously was coming from Billy Bob as he considered an idea a moment before tossing the sphere he held in his hand forward. The pokeball struck the ground with a loud crack before bouncing up as it opened and released a beam of white energy that quickly formed into a squat little green and teal spotted pokemon as the pokeball was caught by Jake.

"Saur. Bulba saur." The frog like saurian pokemon grounded out, eyeing Jake for a few moments. Jake quirked an eyebrow slightly, "Well guess a trainer has to start off somewhere." He comented, mostly to himself.


There is another helpful tip about interacting with each others players posted by Inner Flame: http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=126627

Thank Yami Ryu for the post.

~*~

WHAT YOU DO: You will post a reply about you just reciving your pokemon from the lab. As in going to the lab in Pallet Town and getting the pokemon from Emily Oak.

Step by Step!

Step one: Get to the lab, explain your thoughts and journey as you go to the pokemon lab.

Step two: Speak with Emily Oak, she will always have the pokemon you listed in your sign up. She is a kind sweet young woman who is always happy to see new faces.

Step Three: Meet your pokemon, name them and interact with them.

Step Four: Leave the lab, either wonder around town or start your journey, please end it here.

RULES:
-Do NOT interact with another player's character
-Do NOT start a battle
-Do NOT rush yourself

John's Knight
14th July 2006, 1:27 PM
LESSON 1

Name: John Smith

Age: 14

Gender: male

Personality: John had, and still has, some trouble making friends, maybe due to the fact that he’s extremely shy. Hiding from people and not talking to them, John wasn’t always the shy person he is now. Still, when he (luckily) makes new friends, he becomes quite a talkative young man. Being helped by them to overcome his shyness, he became less introverted. Still, if he gets really nervous, he won’t talk to anyone he thinks that might hurt him, including his own friends. Pokemons are the only ones he has complete confidence in, and he never turned his back to them.

Description: About 5 feet tall, John is very slim, weighing about 80 pounds. Not being very brawny, he isn’t exactly of the strong type. Black eyes, brown short hair, swarthy skin, John always wears some jeans, and a simple white t-shirt. When he feels to, he wears a blue cap with the inicials "JS" that stand for his name.

History: John’s from Petalburg City, the most beautiful town of the Hoenn region according to the young trainer. Always playing in the Petalburg Forest with the Pokemon existing in there, his desire of becoming a pokemon trainer grew everyday. Reaching the required age for becoming one, he wanted to meet and search for new pokemon, deciding to head to the Kanto region by sea. He went to Lilycove City, which makes many international voyages, including to Vermilion City, on the Kanto region.
While on board, he saw many trainers, some pokemon battles, and a lot of sea pokemon which were happily “racing” with the ship. When he arrived, his desires reached their maximum, and he couldn’t wait any longer. So, running as fast as he could, he headed to the Pallet Town Laboratory, where he would get his pokemon.

Pokemon:
Type: Oddish
Name: Linda
Gender: Female
Personality: Linda, as her own name says, is a very beautiful Oddish. Always gentil to the others, her charm is a wonderful delight for those who are sad. She's one of those persons, in this case pokemon, who is always there for you, always wanting to help those that need it.

Type: Charmander
Name: Slasher
Gender: Male
Personality: As well as Linda, Slasher is a very docile, cute, adorable and happy Charmander. Always wagging his tail, Slasher is a wonderful partner, never refusing a good old "playtime". His eyes transmite complete happyness even for those who are extremely sad, his smile being a joy for those who see it.

Kaim_Fabuyashi
14th July 2006, 6:16 PM
Name: Cyan Bloodbane
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Personality: Cyan has a good tempered nature unless something is really screwy then you see a side of him hardly ever seen. He can be kind and nice but is usually a loner. He hates vioence since his father was killed along time ago when Team Rocket took over Silph Co. Thought it takes him a while to warm up to people once they are his friend he is very loyal to them.
Description: Cyan is almost 6 ft. he has short spiky green hair which he doesnt bother to comb since it wont say in place anyway. He has emerald green eyes with specks of brown in them giving him a hard look on his face. he wears a navy blue 'mini' long sleeve shirt [like Falco from Startfox] with a gray t-shirt with tan pants.
History: Cyan used to live in Saffron City until he was 9 and Silph Co. was taken over and his father was killed. Then he and his mother left to Pewter City out in the back so they can live in peace. Also it was close enough to Pallet town so he could get his first pokemon.

Pokemon: Charmander

Type: Fire
Name: None just its regular name [I dont like nicknames]
Gender: Male
Personality: Cyan's Charmander is out going and tries to be the best at things though it usually fails since it isnt all that strong yet and is in its first stage. It warms up to people rather easily though it can be sometimes suspicious of others.

Pokemon: Bellsprout

Type: Grass/Posion
Name: ''
Gender: Female
Personality: Cyan's Bellsprout is kinda laid back using its 'powder' attacks to do most of the work for it and then finishing it up with one of its own 'real' attacks. It doesnt trust people it doesnt know and harly ever warms up to people.

Shadow Ho-oh
2nd August 2006, 6:18 PM
Name: PowaMaz
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Description: Tall, dirty blond hair, wears dark blue jeans, white skirt with blue lighting bolt on it, and dark blue safari hat
Personality: fun, exciting, but hates people who hate him, loves pizza, loves to kick people, hates clowns, hates porta-potties, and when there is a thunder storm he trains his pok’emon to dodge the elements of the storm
History: When young he nearly died and his sister’s legs were paralyzed for life in by a group of robbers and their electric pok’emon and hopes to take revenge a pone the robbers also he was born in water so he can last longer in the water than othere people could
Other: Loves to use water and flying pok’emon in ballets

Pok’emon: Lanturn

Type: Water-Electric
Name: Flash
Gender: Male
Personality: It is mostly brave when his friends are in danger but he mostly tries to relax,
Loves to eat Lum Berries and Lemonade

Pok’emon: Mantine
Type: Water-Flying
Name: Kiter
Gender: Female
Personality: When around new people it is shy but when she gets used to them she becomes more playful, loves to eat Mago and Watmel berries

xKoolxTrainerx
3rd August 2006, 3:43 AM
I need this!
----------------------------Lesson 1: My Practice Profile:
Name: Rey

Age: 15

Gender: female

Personality: Rey is really shy. She doesn't tlak much and usually is the person in the back of class who doesn't want to be noticed. When confronted by people she will answer their question and try her best not to seem rude. She will only become comfortable with someone if they spend a long time together talking and hang out.

Rey is very confident with her pokemon and will stop at nothing to become a pokemons friend. Rey likes watching pokemon and drawing them rather than collecting them and training them. To make sure that she gets a good view of all the pokemon out in the world, she swims and goes into caves, forest, and anywhere she can find a pokemon that would make a wonderful sketch.

Description: She stands around 5’2, tan, and fit. She has dakr brown hair that reaches her waist. She keeps it up in a bun with braids and loose hair hanging from it. Her face looks like a little girls even though she is 15. Her eyes are a radiant shade of blue, but are sometimes hidden behind her side bangs. Her form is covered in a white tank-top with a pokeball logo on it. She wears a pair of jean capris and a black belt that has two pokeballs on it.

Rey wears black and white shoes and black biker gloves. She usually carries aorund a red bag with a towel, sketch book, her green bathingsuit, and some pencils.

History: Rey grew up in a small island called Pacific Lodge Town, then when she was 5 years old her parents packed up all their belonings and moved to Cinnabar Island, where Rey stayed until she was 12 when they moved again to Vermillion City, Where she is today. Rey enjoys the fresh air and the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore. Her house and cloose to the Vermillion gym and her school.


Pokemon Team:

Pokemon: Staryu
Type: Water/Physic
Name: Starlight
Gender: female
Personality: Starlight is the playful type of pokemon, no matter the time or event she is always playful. Usually Starlight will play with wild pokemon while Rey draws. During cetain events Starlight confuses its oppent, by acting like it wants to paly, but then attacking.

Pokemon:Ponyta
Type: Fire
Name: Flame
Gender: female
Personality: Flame is a fast and competitive pokemon. She enjoys racing and palying around. She is fun and relaxed, but when the time calls for it Flame is serious and strong. She knows when to paly and when to relax.

Kev Chi
4th August 2006, 7:21 PM
Now while I'm not excatly a mod around here, I've become pretty good in RPGs(IMO) since I got here, alot better then when I first got here I guess and I'm hoping I'm allowed to "teach" at this school. The advice I give can be thrown out by yourself if you wish. I'm not forcing you to take it in but just remember, I'm only trying to help. I'll try and not be too harsh either.
~~~~


Name: PowaMaz
Age: 14
Gender: Male
The only problem I have is with the name. Would you really find someone in real life with a name like that?


Description: Tall, dirty blond hair, wears dark blue jeans, white skirt with blue lighting bolt on it, and dark blue safari hat
Too short...How tall is he? Is he a big guy? Put in more details. Also, use full sentences when describing one thing instead of short, gimpy sentences and commaing everything.


Personality: fun, exciting, but hates people who hate him, loves pizza, loves to kick people, hates clowns, hates porta-potties, and when there is a thunder storm he trains his pok’emon to dodge the elements of the storm
What a very odd personality....In truth, I would rewrite it all but to go along with it, Why does he hate clowns? Why does he hate Port-a-Potties? and I kinda find it odd that a person who loves to kick people is fun and exciting. How does he train them in the storm also?


History: When young he nearly died and his sister’s legs were paralyzed for life in by a group of robbers and their electric pok’emon and hopes to take revenge a pone the robbers also he was born in water so he can last longer in the water than othere people could
Other: Loves to use water and flying pok’emon in ballets
Born in the water...? Very odd again. How did they run into these robbers? and what were the robbers doing? and what caused the robbers to attack them? Your history doesn't flow very well...


Pok’emon: Lanturn

Type: Water-Electric
Name: Flash
Gender: Male
Personality: It is mostly brave when his friends are in danger but he mostly tries to relax,
Loves to eat Lum Berries and Lemonade
A bit on the short side for personality...Do it like you were filling out your own personality (when you edit it)


Pok’emon: Mantine
Type: Water-Flying
Name: Kiter
Gender: Female
Personality: When around new people it is shy but when she gets used to them she becomes more playful, loves to eat Mago and Watmel berries
Same as the other.

In all, I'd probably grade this as a D. Everything was just too short and there wasn't enough detail. Look at the Sign Up Rules to show how it should look. You pretty much did everything how your not suppore to.
~~~~~


Name: Rey

Age: 15

Gender: female
Looks ok.


Personality: Rey is really shy. She doesn't tlak much and usually is the person in the back of class who doesn't want to be noticed. When confronted by people she will answer their question and try her best not to seem rude. She will only become comfortable with someone if they spend a long time together talking and hang out.

Rey is very confident with her pokemon and will stop at nothing to become a pokemons friend. Rey likes watching pokemon and drawing them rather than collecting them and training them. To make sure that she gets a good view of all the pokemon out in the world, she swims and goes into caves, forest, and anywhere she can find a pokemon that would make a wonderful sketch.
Very nice. Alot of detail and good length.


Description: She stands around 5’2, tan, and fit. She has dakr brown hair that reaches her waist. She keeps it up in a bun with braids and loose hair hanging from it. Her face looks like a little girls even though she is 15. Her eyes are a radiant shade of blue, but are sometimes hidden behind her side bangs. Her form is covered in a white tank-top with a pokeball logo on it. She wears a pair of jean capris and a black belt that has two pokeballs on it.

Rey wears black and white shoes and black biker gloves. She usually carries aorund a red bag with a towel, sketch book, her green bathingsuit, and some pencils.
Nice again.


Pokemon: Staryu
Type: Water/Physic
Name: Starlight
Gender: female
Personality: Starlight is the playful type of pokemon, no matter the time or event she is always playful. Usually Starlight will play with wild pokemon while Rey draws. During cetain events Starlight confuses its oppent, by acting like it wants to paly, but then attacking.
Nice but a couple of spelling errors.


Pokemon:Ponyta
Type: Fire
Name: Flame
Gender: female
Personality: Flame is a fast and competitive pokemon. She enjoys racing and palying around. She is fun and relaxed, but when the time calls for it Flame is serious and strong. She knows when to paly and when to relax.
Not bad but the personality could use alittle work.

Overall, I'd grade this a B+. A few minor spelling errors and Flame's personality were the only things I saw wrong, but everything else was pretty nice, especially the description and personality. Good sign up. ^_^

I'm going for a teaching degree as of now in college, so all the better I get alittle practice. ^.^

InnerFlame
4th August 2006, 7:40 PM
Shadow Ho-oh: To add you can't use those pokemon as your beginner pokemon... There is a list on the first page of pokemon you can get. But you their also certain rule that go with that too...

Lady Myuu
5th August 2006, 2:09 AM
Kev Chi, yeah you might want practice, but you don't go and teach the teachers class with out their permission.

InnerFlame, I know you are trying to help but its rather annoying to have people not inviolved or personally asked to come in when I am not able too and correct with out my permission.

Guys, I love the idea of help. Hate the idea of me not being asked first.

Those who are perticipating in this school: Only I and those I have personally asked can give a final grade.

If you experince players want to help (and since I'm rather busy atm) PLEASE talk to me first, I don't want every tom, dick and harry coming in and grading as if they are the best.

This really does hit a nerve. If you wish to discuess it more, PM me.

I will begin grading again in a week or so.

Black Mage
7th August 2006, 1:29 PM
LESSON 1

Name: Katarina Katori
Age: 12
Gender: Female

Personality: Katarina's mood varies depending on the situation, but in general is mostly a recluse - she doesn't open up very easily to most people and would much rather be left alone. It's not a good idea to provoke her as she will lash out at anyone who she thinks is angering her.

When approached nicely though, she will communicate nicely with the recipient, though she tends to mumble, and is often told to raise her voice a little higher. She won't attempt to make friends with them though, unless she feels they are very trustworthy (she doesn't trust many people). It's notwithin her nature to butt into conversations, but if she feels something needs to be corrected, she will do just that. Katarina DOES have a compassionate, adventurous and bubbly side, though due to her reluctance to interact socially, she rarely shows it in public.

Katarina spends most of her spare time reading books - she doesn't matter if it's fiction or not, though most of them are factual. As a result, she is very intelligent, but her quick and rough judgment tends to override this.

Description: Katarina stands at 5'7 and weighs around 122lbs. She has a pale olive complexion, though her soles and palms are a creamy colour. She has extremely dark brown hair - it's easy to mistake it as black unless seen in bright sunlight. Her hair reaches past her shoulders (lower back, actually), and as a result it can be hard to brush. She likes keeping it tied in a braided ponytail so it doesn't get in other people's way (though it is prone to being pulled). Her eyes are a chocolate brown, and usually show signs of innocence or sadness. Her face is pretty porky (though not too bulky), and her cheeks are a lighter colour compared to the rest of her face.

Her usual clothing attire in warm weather consists of a plain, short-sleeved red shirt and long, jet-black trousers with white stripes lining the sides. In colder weather, she adds a bulky-looking (though light), fluffy pink jacket, lined with wool near the top. She also wears a royal blue scarf along with the jacket.

History: Hailing from Saffron City, Katarina had always wished to become an aspiring Pokemon trainer, though her overprotective parents would always prevent her from leaving the city, one way or another. This caused her to distance herself from most people, feeling that no-one trusted her with anything. She spent more time by herself, wandering the streets and buildings of Saffron until there was nothing left to explore.

During one of these walks, she saw a poster describing the League's trainer challenge. She ripped the sign off the post and dashed home in hopes of one last chance of adventure. It was also around this time that Katarina's parents realised her self-isolation would have bad effects later on in her life. Finally given approval by her parents, Katarina, in a rare state of cheeriness, was off on her way to Pallet Town, ready to start a new journey...

Pokemon:

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Siren
Gender: Female
Personality: Siren is pretty strong-willed, and likes to act dominant in a group (either that or act like a show-off). This tends to cloud up her intelligence, so when battling, it's often 'strike first, think later' for her. This has caused a few embarrasing losses for her. If she faces something that she knows is more powerful than her, though, she often backs away, unless she's feeling very cocky (occasionally causing injuries for her, though none have been too serious).

Type: Staryu
Name: Seraph
Gender: N/A, but feminine personality
Personality: Seraph is the polar opposite of Siren - she shies away from many things, and that includes trainers and battles. It's not easy to convince her to do something, and even if she is successfully persuaded, it often only takes something small to freak her and cause her to curl up into a defensive position. She will defend herself against small threats, though she'd much rather run and hide.

~

GAH X_X I overdid everything...

~Thunderstar ;121;;373;

UltaFlame
7th August 2006, 3:08 PM
Name: Garet
Age: (12-15) 13
Gender: male
Personality: when he is around people he tries to seem as if everything is alright, but once he is alone (which he tries to do often) his sadness and anger come pouring straight out. he hopes this challenge will help him get over his sadness

Description: he has jasmine eyes his skin tone is that of a normal everyday american. he has an average build and, he has flame designs all over his white t-shirt. his shorts which are blue have little grass symbols dotted randomly

History: he grew up in cerulean city which was huge and had many buldings he knew the mayflower family well (as in the children of misty and her sisters) one day sme one who he had became good friends with was accidentally hit ito the water while crossing a bridge. then later that day he found out his friend survived but barely, and, apparently he hit a rock or something when he fell off the bridge and suffered brain damage. this caused him to become very sad. he joined the league with the hope (and major pressure from the mayflower family who no longer ran the gym) of overcoming his sadness by meeting new people.
Pokemon: You will need two of these.

Type: Vulpix
Name:Vul
Gender: female
Personality: she likes to run around alot seeing as she only a few days ago came out of infancy. she has a snappy attitude though despite her hyperactivitieness. and while she battle her hyperactivity make her a hard opponent to hit but not a very serious one. you could be blasting her with a hyper beam and she would chase her own tail. she is a very talkative person but can get very rude if seriously angered. she doesn't really have an anger problem.

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bulba
Gender: male
Personality: in contrary to vul's hyperness Bulba is always cool calm and collected, although sometimes he does get out of hand if angered. he uses swift movement to gain an advantage in battles. yet sometimes they backfire and get him pelted by an attack. he is a little mean and sometimes instigates Vul. then when the two start fighting (usually when Garet is asleep so they don't get in trouble) they use thier paws toslap eachother or they use there attacks. having longer paws and being a fire ype Vul usually wins in both circumstances. yet sometimes bublba outsmarts Vul and wins the tussle. he likes to fight alot he prefers long range atatcks like vine whip or razir leaf to help lay a beatdown on his opposition.

Momoko Lover
9th August 2006, 7:13 AM
Lesson 1

Name: Lawrence Williams
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Personality: Lawrence is a very odd person. He likes to keep to himself. He usually likes to talk to himself when he's trying to solve an unusual problem. His abnormal behavior has caused him to have very few friends. Lawrence also has issues with his parents. His parents always ask him "what's wrong" and he yells at them for making him seem like he's got problems. Well, he does but he doesn't like it when people imply that they think he does.

Lawrence is lonely most of the time, and he sometimes cries over it. He has mood swings almost all of the time. Lawrence is also very independent, and doesn't need anyone to worry about him. This is the result of his lonely demeanor.

Description: Lawrence is about 5'3 and has a sorta tannish face. He has black hair that he likes to keep cut low but not too close to his scalp. He is nearsighted, but wears contacts. Without his contacts on, his eye color is sky blueish. With his contacts, they look like a hazel color. He usually wears blue jeans with a t-shirt and vest.

Most of the time, Lawrence wears black boots. He also has a green backpack that has most of his supplies.

History: Lawrence was born in the town of Pacifidlog, but grew up in Sootopolis City. He didn't like living in the city, but somehow he got over it. Before he was a very independent person, he had many friends. Though, when his parents got a divorce, and his biological father moved to Fortree City, he has become really depressed. Lawrence hates his step-father, even though he hasn't done anything to him. Lawrence started to become rebellious, and left the house whenever his parents were asleep. Lawrence talked to himself a bit, and decided that he wanted to go on a journey to try and turn his life around.

Pokemon:

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Flora
Gender: Female
Personality: Flora is a very cheerful little Bulbasaur that likes to play alot. This tends to sometimes get her in trouble. All in all, Flora is a lovable pokemon that only wants the best for her trainer.

Type: Staryu
Name: Star
Gender: Genderless
Personality: Star is a very confusing little Staryu. It seems to always stay in one spot and look like its thinking really hard about something. Star has always helped Lawrence is battles, it has never failed him yet. Star's odd behavior seems to be a result of being around Lawrence for a long time.

Jay star
9th August 2006, 9:56 AM
Ok ill give this a shot, ive been told my role playing needs work ^^"

Lesson 1

Name: Jamie Armstrong
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Personality: Normally kind and gentle he finds it easy to make friends and tries to make friends with everyone, including those he shouldn’t. Even though he is normally kind and gentle he can be distant and silent at times, he also is very competitive and has a strong determination to achieve what he wants.

Description: Jamie Armstrong has a long sleeved black top on with red Celtic symbols going round the chest part of it and going round the bicep parts of the sleeves, the rimming of the shirt round the neck and sleeves and waist bit was also red, the sleeveless jacket he was wearing was white with a black sip and black sips for the pockets as well, his jeans black and his trainers a dark red, he also had a beanie hat on that was dark red with a lighter red line going around the base of it. He had slightly long blonde hair you could see just sticking slightly out from under his hat and dark brown eyes with slightly pale white skin.
Most of the time, Lawrence wears black boots. He also has a green backpack that has most of his supplies.

History: Jamie Armstrong used to be a Pokemon master and capture them all, but after accompanying his brother to a gym battle Jamie decided he wanted to train as a gym trainer, that is an aspect that he has never given up on, but after starting his 1st journey Jamie realised how much he liked travelling with his Pokemon and how much he could learn by challenging different gym leaders across the lands. His brother went on to become a gym leader and so Jamie wants to follow in his footsteps and plans to defeat his brother one day at his own type, normal.
Aipom was the 1st Pokemon Jamie ever met that was wild, when he and his brother were travelling to the gym Jamie met a Aipom that he befriended and when Jamie started his journey that same Aipom was the 1st Pokemon he ever captured.

Pokemon:

Type: Totodile
Name: Toto
Gender: Male
Personality: Toto used to be shy when Jamie 1st got him but after seeing how nice people can be from being with Jamie it came out of its shell a bit, Toto still used to get scared in battles whenever it would go up against a Pokemon bigger than it, not until it learnt its icy wind attack did it get some confidence, and now it seems to crave attention

Type: Aipom
Name: Pom
Gender: Male
Personality: Aipom has always had a hyper active and playful nature, and it brings that into battle with it, always on the move jumping, dancing or running it has a lot of energy that it uses in battle. Aipom never likes to lose and when it dose always trains itself to be faster and stronger.

Kev Chi
10th August 2006, 5:02 AM
Well, I am back again, only this time, I have permission to grade. ^_^ I see they're quite a few sign ups, so I'll grade the first two right now and the others possibly tomm, unless one of the other graders get to them.
~~~~~


Name: Katarina Katori
Age: 12
Gender: Female
Good.


Personality: Katarina's mood varies depending on the situation, but in general is mostly a recluse - she doesn't open up very easily to most people and would much rather be left alone. It's not a good idea to provoke her as she will lash out at anyone who she thinks is angering her.

When approached nicely though, she will communicate nicely with the recipient, though she tends to mumble, and is often told to raise her voice a little higher. She won't attempt to make friends with them though, unless she feels they are very trustworthy (she doesn't trust many people). It's notwithin her nature to butt into conversations, but if she feels something needs to be corrected, she will do just that. Katarina DOES have a compassionate, adventurous and bubbly side, though due to her reluctance to interact socially, she rarely shows it in public.

Katarina spends most of her spare time reading books - she doesn't matter if it's fiction or not, though most of them are factual. As a result, she is very intelligent, but her quick and rough judgment tends to override this.
Wow, I wish I could make a personality like this every now and then. >>


Description: Katarina stands at 5'7 and weighs around 122lbs. She has a pale olive complexion, though her soles and palms are a creamy colour. She has extremely dark brown hair - it's easy to mistake it as black unless seen in bright sunlight. Her hair reaches past her shoulders (lower back, actually), and as a result it can be hard to brush. She likes keeping it tied in a braided ponytail so it doesn't get in other people's way (though it is prone to being pulled). Her eyes are a chocolate brown, and usually show signs of innocence or sadness. Her face is pretty porky (though not too bulky), and her cheeks are a lighter colour compared to the rest of her face.

Her usual clothing attire in warm weather consists of a plain, short-sleeved red shirt and long, jet-black trousers with white stripes lining the sides. In colder weather, she adds a bulky-looking (though light), fluffy pink jacket, lined with wool near the top. She also wears a royal blue scarf along with the jacket.
Same as personality.


History: Hailing from Saffron City, Katarina had always wished to become an aspiring Pokemon trainer, though her overprotective parents would always prevent her from leaving the city, one way or another. This caused her to distance herself from most people, feeling that no-one trusted her with anything. She spent more time by herself, wandering the streets and buildings of Saffron until there was nothing left to explore.

During one of these walks, she saw a poster describing the League's trainer challenge. She ripped the sign off the post and dashed home in hopes of one last chance of adventure. It was also around this time that Katarina's parents realised her self-isolation would have bad effects later on in her life. Finally given approval by her parents, Katarina, in a rare state of cheeriness, was off on her way to Pallet Town, ready to start a new journey...
Very nice.


Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Siren
Gender: Female
Personality: Siren is pretty strong-willed, and likes to act dominant in a group (either that or act like a show-off). This tends to cloud up her intelligence, so when battling, it's often 'strike first, think later' for her. This has caused a few embarrasing losses for her. If she faces something that she knows is more powerful than her, though, she often backs away, unless she's feeling very cocky (occasionally causing injuries for her, though none have been too serious).
Good personality. Gives alot of detail.


Type: Staryu
Name: Seraph
Gender: N/A, but feminine personality
Personality: Seraph is the polar opposite of Siren - she shies away from many things, and that includes trainers and battles. It's not easy to convince her to do something, and even if she is successfully persuaded, it often only takes something small to freak her and cause her to curl up into a defensive position. She will defend herself against small threats, though she'd much rather run and hide.
This Staryu sounds like the new chicken of the sea. >> (Sorry Tuna)


GAH X_X I overdid everything...
I think most GMs would rather you overdo it then under. I know I would.

Overall, I'd grade this an A. I really thought that this was a nice example. It was long, clean-looking, and full of detail. Very nice job. ^^
~~~~


Name: Garet
Age: (12-15) 13
Gender: male
Good but you didn't need the 12-15 in the age.


Personality: when he is around people he tries to seem as if everything is alright, but once he is alone (which he tries to do often) his sadness and anger come pouring straight out. he hopes this challenge will help him get over his sadness
Ouch. You need more then two sentences for your personality. =/ Most GMs look for at least a paragraph(4-5 sentences). Is he really sad and despressed all the time?


Description: he has jasmine eyes his skin tone is that of a normal everyday american. he has an average build and, he has flame designs all over his white t-shirt. his shorts which are blue have little grass symbols dotted randomly
Same as personality. Just too short and messy. Don't commatizes everything. Make complete sentences. What's his hair look like? Are they small flames or big flames on his shirt?


History: he grew up in cerulean city which was huge and had many buldings he knew the mayflower family well (as in the children of misty and her sisters) one day sme one who he had became good friends with was accidentally hit ito the water while crossing a bridge. then later that day he found out his friend survived but barely, and, apparently he hit a rock or something when he fell off the bridge and suffered brain damage. this caused him to become very sad. he joined the league with the hope (and major pressure from the mayflower family who no longer ran the gym) of overcoming his sadness by meeting new people.
Alot of run-on sentences. Use the period. He's your friend. ^^ How did he become good friends with this person? How did he get hit into the water? Who found him? Does the friend still remember him? Give some more detail.


Type: Vulpix
Name:Vul
Gender: female
Personality: she likes to run around alot seeing as she only a few days ago came out of infancy. she has a snappy attitude though despite her hyperactivitieness. and while she battle her hyperactivity make her a hard opponent to hit but not a very serious one. you could be blasting her with a hyper beam and she would chase her own tail. she is a very talkative person but can get very rude if seriously angered. she doesn't really have an anger problem.
Vulpix is a person? o_O Anyways, I also find it hard to believe that a trainer would send a baby into battle, espeically against a hyper beamer.


Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bulba
Gender: male
Personality: in contrary to vul's hyperness Bulba is always cool calm and collected, although sometimes he does get out of hand if angered. he uses swift movement to gain an advantage in battles. yet sometimes they backfire and get him pelted by an attack. he is a little mean and sometimes instigates Vul. then when the two start fighting (usually when Garet is asleep so they don't get in trouble) they use thier paws toslap eachother or they use there attacks. having longer paws and being a fire ype Vul usually wins in both circumstances. yet sometimes bublba outsmarts Vul and wins the tussle. he likes to fight alot he prefers long range atatcks like vine whip or razir leaf to help lay a beatdown on his opposition.
I hope its just play fighting and not actually battling each other. You'd hope they get other their differences seeing how they are a team.

Overall, I'd probably rate this a C-. Your personality and description hurt you quite a bit. Your pokemon's personality had the length, but they were just kinda...odd. I'm sure you can do better. ^^

Well, I'll look at the others possibly tomm.

UltaFlame
10th August 2006, 5:06 AM
ok i will edit it i thought i needed work!

John's Knight
10th August 2006, 9:34 AM
Erm...Kev Chi or any other grader, I was skipped, as well as Kaim_Fabuyashi.
My post (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=3700500&postcount=48) and his post (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=3702166&postcount=49).

Black Mage
10th August 2006, 9:59 AM
He said he'd grade those sign-ups later.

~Thunderstar ;121;;373;

Jay star
12th August 2006, 1:36 PM
I do say this seems to be a waste of time if it dosent get graded, i think you need to higher more people to grade this thing.

Black Mage
12th August 2006, 4:37 PM
There's a thing called patience. Use it.

And a question - do we post our sample role-plays (the actual thing, not the sign-up) here, or will there be a seperate thread for them?

~Thunderstar ;121;;373;

Kev Chi
12th August 2006, 5:03 PM
Sorry, I've been quite busy lately. I'll grade a couple more sign ups.


Name: Lawrence Williams
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Fine.


Personality: Lawrence is a very odd person. He likes to keep to himself. He usually likes to talk to himself when he's trying to solve an unusual problem. His abnormal behavior has caused him to have very few friends. Lawrence also has issues with his parents. His parents always ask him "what's wrong" and he yells at them for making him seem like he's got problems. Well, he does but he doesn't like it when people imply that they think he does.

Lawrence is lonely most of the time, and he sometimes cries over it. He has mood swings almost all of the time. Lawrence is also very independent, and doesn't need anyone to worry about him. This is the result of his lonely demeanor. Nice. Lenghty is good.


Description: Lawrence is about 5'3 and has a sorta tannish face. He has black hair that he likes to keep cut low but not too close to his scalp. He is nearsighted, but wears contacts. Without his contacts on, his eye color is sky blueish. With his contacts, they look like a hazel color. He usually wears blue jeans with a t-shirt and vest.

Most of the time, Lawrence wears black boots. He also has a green backpack that has most of his supplies.
Not bad but just to add, what are the t-shirt and vest like?


History: Lawrence was born in the town of Pacifidlog, but grew up in Sootopolis City. He didn't like living in the city, but somehow he got over it. Before he was a very independent person, he had many friends. Though, when his parents got a divorce, and his biological father moved to Fortree City, he has become really depressed. Lawrence hates his step-father, even though he hasn't done anything to him. Lawrence started to become rebellious, and left the house whenever his parents were asleep. Lawrence talked to himself a bit, and decided that he wanted to go on a journey to try and turn his life around.
Tis good.


Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Flora
Gender: Female
Personality: Flora is a very cheerful little Bulbasaur that likes to play alot. This tends to sometimes get her in trouble. All in all, Flora is a lovable pokemon that only wants the best for her trainer.
Not bad but the personality could use one or two more sentences.


Type: Staryu
Name: Star
Gender: Genderless
Personality: Star is a very confusing little Staryu. It seems to always stay in one spot and look like its thinking really hard about something. Star has always helped Lawrence is battles, it has never failed him yet. Star's odd behavior seems to be a result of being around Lawrence for a long time.
Tis good.

Overall, I would grade this a B. Despcrition just needs alittle adding on and Bulbasuars' personality.
~~~~~


Name: Jamie Armstrong
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Tis Fine.


Personality: Normally kind and gentle he finds it easy to make friends and tries to make friends with everyone, including those he shouldn’t. Even though he is normally kind and gentle he can be distant and silent at times, he also is very competitive and has a strong determination to achieve what he wants.
If you did it like the personality you edited for me in the ToS RPG, you'd be ok.


Description: Jamie Armstrong has a long sleeved black top on with red Celtic symbols going round the chest part of it and going round the bicep parts of the sleeves, the rimming of the shirt round the neck and sleeves and waist bit was also red, the sleeveless jacket he was wearing was white with a black sip and black sips for the pockets as well, his jeans black and his trainers a dark red, he also had a beanie hat on that was dark red with a lighter red line going around the base of it. He had slightly long blonde hair you could see just sticking slightly out from under his hat and dark brown eyes with slightly pale white skin.
Most of the time, Lawrence wears black boots. He also has a green backpack that has most of his supplies.
Tis fine.


History: Jamie Armstrong used to be a Pokemon master and capture them all, but after accompanying his brother to a gym battle Jamie decided he wanted to train as a gym trainer, that is an aspect that he has never given up on, but after starting his 1st journey Jamie realised how much he liked travelling with his Pokemon and how much he could learn by challenging different gym leaders across the lands. His brother went on to become a gym leader and so Jamie wants to follow in his footsteps and plans to defeat his brother one day at his own type, normal.
Aipom was the 1st Pokemon Jamie ever met that was wild, when he and his brother were travelling to the gym Jamie met a Aipom that he befriended and when Jamie started his journey that same Aipom was the 1st Pokemon he ever captured.
Tis fine.


Type: Totodile
Name: Toto
Gender: Male
Personality: Toto used to be shy when Jamie 1st got him but after seeing how nice people can be from being with Jamie it came out of its shell a bit, Toto still used to get scared in battles whenever it would go up against a Pokemon bigger than it, not until it learnt its icy wind attack did it get some confidence, and now it seems to crave attention
I love the Totody. ^^


Type: Aipom
Name: Pom
Gender: Male
Personality: Aipom has always had a hyper active and playful nature, and it brings that into battle with it, always on the move jumping, dancing or running it has a lot of energy that it uses in battle. Aipom never likes to lose and when it dose always trains itself to be faster and stronger.
Good but was Aipom one of the pokemon you were allowed to start with?

For now, I have to grade this a D. I don't think Aipom was one of the pokemon you were allowed to start with. That's pretty much the only reason for the D. Change that, and you'll probably end up with a B.

I'll get to the forgotten sign ups soon, I promise.

Jay star
12th August 2006, 5:54 PM
There's a thing called patience. Use it.

And a question - do we post our sample role-plays (the actual thing, not the sign-up) here, or will there be a seperate thread for them?

~Thunderstar ;121;;373;

Ah my friend i do have patience but it has been days, and grading normally needs asap replying, but i understand that he has been busy so it is fine but there is no need for you to start kissing up.
And i am sorry for my irotated attitude but i am having a terrible couple of days.


Good but was Aipom one of the pokemon you were allowed to start with?

For now, I have to grade this a D. I don't think Aipom was one of the pokemon you were allowed to start with. That's pretty much the only reason for the D. Change that, and you'll probably end up with a B.

I'll get to the forgotten sign ups soon, I promise.


ok sorry i didnt notice that there where pokemon i had to chose from :P lol ill go check now^^


EDIT: oh i see i thought that you had to pick one of the type pokemon and then the 2nd pokemon could be whatever you want so i will change it to vulpix ^^


Type: Vulpix
Name: Pixie
Gender: Female
Personality: Vulpix is a hyper active pokemon and loves using its flire spin attack to heat things up a bit. If things get too quite for its liking it will make things more exciting by showing off one of its attacks. She loves being paid alot of attention to and being pamperd and fights for jamies attention with his toto.

I hope that is better ^^

Lady Myuu
12th August 2006, 7:13 PM
I am sorry I got a life and can not come to everyoes becking call. People better stop going off topic >>';

Jay star, don't rush us. Chi is new and has a life outside of these forums just like I do. You really don't have any right to rush us on any of it as we are doing it FOR YOU.

Thunderstar, yes post it in here. I will be grading all samples.

Jay star
13th August 2006, 10:57 AM
I am sorry I got a life and can not come to everyoes becking call. People better stop going off topic >>';

Jay star, don't rush us. Chi is new and has a life outside of these forums just like I do. You really don't have any right to rush us on any of it as we are doing it FOR YOU.

Thunderstar, yes post it in here. I will be grading all samples.

I know but as i said when it takes days to reply and im not just talking for me im talking about others, i am ok with there being a delay, and i am sorry for snapping about it the other day but as i said i was having an awful couple of days and was in a mega bad mood. And getting more graders was just a suggestion not a means of rushing i said it in a way i shouldnt have and i apologise.

Kev Chi
15th August 2006, 7:30 PM
Wow, this is overdue, and I mean just on my part.

~~~~


Name: John Smith

Age: 14

Gender: male
Tis Fine


Personality: John had, and still has, some trouble making friends, maybe due to the fact that he’s extremely shy. Hiding from people and not talking to them, John wasn’t always the shy person he is now. Still, when he (luckily) makes new friends, he becomes quite a talkative young man. Being helped by them to overcome his shyness, he became less introverted. Still, if he gets really nervous, he won’t talk to anyone he thinks that might hurt him, including his own friends. Pokemons are the only ones he has complete confidence in, and he never turned his back to them.
That's a nice personality. ^^ Reminds me of me. Sort of.


Description: About 5 foot tall, John is very slim, weighing about 80 pounds. Not being very brawny, he isn’t exactly of the strong type. Dark eyes, brown short hair, swarthy skin, John always wears some jeans, and a simple white t-shirt. When he feels to, he wears a blue cap with the inicials "JS", that stand for his name.
What color is "Dark" for the eyes? otherwise, tis fine.


History: John’s from Petalburg City, the most beautiful town of the Hoenn region according to the young trainer. Always playing in the Petalburg Forest with the Pokemon existing in there, his desire of becoming a pokemon trainer grew everyday. Reaching the required age for becoming one, he wanted to meet and search for new pokemon, heading to the region of Kanto.
Maybe you can add how he got to Kanto? Unless that would be in your first sample. Otherwise, its good.


Pokemon:
Type: Oddish
Name: Linda
Gender: Female
Personality: Linda, as her own name says, is a very beautiful Oddish. Always gentil to the others, her charm is a wonderful delight for those who are sad. She's one of those persons, in this case pokemon, who is always there for you, always wanting to help those that need it.
Tis good.


Type: Charmander
Name: Slasher
Gender: Male
Personality: As well as Linda, Slasher is a very docile, cute, adorable and happy Charmander. Always wagging his tail, Slasher is a wonderful partner, never refusing a good old "playtime". His eyes transmite complete happyness even for those who are extremely sad, his smile being a joy for those who see it.
Tis fine.

Overall, I'd probably give this a B+. Don't know if it was a plot hole in his history, but everything seem pretty good. ^^


Name: Cyan Bloodbane
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Tis fine.


Personality: Cyan has a good tempered nature unless something is really screwy then you see a side of him hardly ever seen. He can be kind and nice but is usually a loner. He hates vioence since his father was killed along time ago when Team Rocket took over Silph Co. Thought it takes him a while to warm up to people once they are his friend he is very loyal to them.
What is the side that you rarely see of him like?


Description: Cyan is almost 6 ft. he has short spiky green hair which he doesnt bother to comb since it wont say in place anyway. He has emerald green eyes with specks of brown in them giving him a hard look on his face. he wears a navy blue 'mini' long sleeve shirt [like Falco from Startfox] with a gray t-shirt with tan pants.
So green XD Just to add, what kind of footwear does he have?


History: Cyan used to live in Saffron City until he was 9 and Silph Co. was taken over and his father was killed. Then he and his mother left to Pewter City out in the back so they can live in peace. Also it was close enough to Pallet town so he could get his first pokemon.
Need a bit more detail. How was his father killed? What was he doing at that time?


Pokemon: Charmander

Type: Fire
Name: None just its regular name [I dont like nicknames]
Gender: Male
Personality: Cyan's Charmander is out going and tries to be the best at things though it usually fails since it isnt all that strong yet and is in its first stage. It warms up to people rather easily though it can be sometimes suspicious of others.
I guess its ok. Maybe if you can think of anything else, add it, but ok otherwise.


Pokemon: Bellsprout

Type: Grass/Posion
Name: ''
Gender: Female
Personality: Cyan's Bellsprout is kinda laid back using its 'powder' attacks to do most of the work for it and then finishing it up with one of its own 'real' attacks. It doesnt trust people it doesnt know and harly ever warms up to people.
Tis ok.

Overall, I'd grade this a B-. You got everything down for the most part, but you can still improve a bit.

Finally, done with grading everything. x.x

John's Knight
22nd August 2006, 10:51 AM
Ok, I edited my post for a re-grade. Then, lesson 2 =D

EDIT - erm...hello?

cybermew
4th September 2006, 11:48 AM
Hi I would really like to make an rpg but i can't tell the difference from a fan fic can someone please explain it to me?

Manipulon
20th September 2006, 11:29 PM
Name: Dante Chambers
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Personality: Dante is down-to-earth, friendly, and caring. He will try his best to assist whoever needs it. He does not necessarily go around as a crusader, helping every old lady trying to cross the street, but he will help if asked, because it is in his nature. He has a relaxed, rather reserved demeanor, but good leadership skills, which helps him command his Pokemon.
Description: Dante is tall and rangy, about 5'7" and 125 pounds. His hair is chestnut brown, with no discernible highlights. His eyes are light blue, and very calm, as if nothing you say will affect him. He usually wears charcoal black jeans, with a red long sleeved shirt, and a black leather vest with studs. He only wears black leather boots because they aren't affected by the elements he endures.
History: Dante had a regular upbringing. He lived in Fuchsia City, but traveled back and forth from Celadon on his bike. One long boring summer, he took a summer course on Pokemon Battling Strategies in Pallet, and learned that he had an above average aptitude for battling, because of his quick thinking, and innovative offensive strategies. Now, it is another long, monotonous holiday, and he decided to take the new Pokemon League Challenge. He plans to continue his education via the PC until he finishes.

Pokemon: Ponyta and Staryu

Type: Ponyta
Name: Ponyta
Gender: Female
Personality: Ponyta is the opposite of her trainer. She shows the greatest amount of enthusiasm possible during and after battles. She warmed up to Dante very quickly. She even allows him to ride her, but he sticks to walking most of the time.

Type:Staryu
Name: Staryu
Gender: None
Personality: Staryu is wise and serene. It is a strong battler, but it prefers more relaxing pursuits, such as moonbathing and swimming. It has innate Psychic powers that it is trying to implement into battling, but those will have to wait...

D-Boi
5th October 2006, 7:37 PM
Name: Ray Smith
Age: 15
Gender: Male

Personality: He's more of the aggressive/quiet type. He usually likes to chill out and mind his own business like listening to his hip hop modded iPod Nano. When he's generally not in the mood or he has a chip on his shoulder, he has a very intimidating look as in "gonna-bust-ya-chest-open-if-you-don't-get-off-my-back" kind of look. When he's being slightly annoyed by someone, he calmsly puts them down with a few words of wisdom. When he's being pushed too far, then he means business by either challenging the person to a pokemon battle and brutally beating his opponent or beat the guy down himself with a mixture of martial arts and gritty streetfighting moves. Once you get to know him, he can be a pretty cool dude.

Description: The First thing you'll notice is that he's African-American with a regular brown skin color. He's very fit and usually plays sports. He stands at 5' 6" and is pretty muscular with broad shoulders. He has a lot of hair, but tends to have it braided from time to time with various styles and sometimes likes to where a white Du-Rag to match his clothing style. He also has a "spike"(or bang as they call 'em) in front of his braids, but is hanging on the right side of his face, covering his eye sometimes.

He usually wears a Black oversized T-Shirt(a XXL) where the sleeves go past his elbows. He also where's size 42 jean shorts, big enough to past his knees and still be considered as shorts, they're a dark blue color. And at the bottum, he always has a pair of black Timberland Roll Up Waterproof Boots since one of his favorite activities while out traveling is rock climbing, and look good doing it. He also has a pair of shades when ever he's out in the sun. Sometimes, when he wants to, he wears a black and white bandana either around his head or loosely around his neck. His eyes are a light blue color, and is a little slanted giving him kind of an asian look.

History: Ray was born on a military base in San Diego, California. After living there for a 3 years, he then moved to and grew up in Los Angeles until he turned 8. His father and mother decided to move to Kyushu (the Hoenn Region) (since Ray's Father, Charles Smith, had relitives in Japan) to live a better life....or so they thought. About five months after moving, a terrible accident that happen in Vermillion City(Kanto) that led to Charles' death. It was reported that a bomb went off causing the massive explosion which trapped Charles in the burning clock tower before collapsing, leaving nothing but blazing rubble. The only one who barely made it out alive was his best friend and long-time cousin, Lance...(Charles was adopted with two other siblings resulting in the relation to Lance and Claire) Ray's Father not only left behind a wife and two children, he also left behind an empire...The Southern Dragon Clan. It was just an old name for a family of Dragon Tamers which turned into Mafia based name to represent the family tradition of training Dragon pokemon. Don't worry the Dragon Clan kept peace all over Japan when needed. Claire was the Leader of the West Dragon Clan; The current fourth Elite Four Trainer, Drake, controls the East Dragon Clan; Lance of course leads The North Dragon Clan; The Southern Clan, however, fell into the hands of whom would make his destiny to not only rebuild the Clan, but find out who was responsible for his father's death....Ray Smith. Ever since, Ray kept a huge grudge against Lance since he was the last to see his father alive. Over the next 8 years, Ray and his older sister, Shawnna, trained each other becoming much, much stronger(Plus, they flew back and fourth from Hoenn to L.A. for short vacations and family reunions, but kept training). Getting him to the point where he's doing some undercover work as an up and coming trainer in the Double Battle Challenge.

------------------------------------
Ray's Pokemon:

Ray has three pokemon. One of which he kept with him since he was nine years old, so its very strong and is only used for emergancies. (Sorry it's found in Hoenn). I also chose levels for them.

Type: Charmander
Name: Flame
Gender: Male
Personality: Flame is the smooth talking one of the bunch. He "oh so" loves annoying not only his trainer, but the rest of the crew as well with non-stop sarcastic remarks. Literally never shutting up at times... He's also a bit of a trickster as well, pranking nearly anyone he sees, except wild pokemon.
Level: 8
Famous Line: "Don't Hate the Player, Hate the game"

Type: Magikarp
Name: Hyphy
Gender: Male
Personality: Hyphy on the other hand, is the all around tough guy on the team. Even though he's not aware of the fact that he's utterly the most useless pokemon on the face of the earth, he still makes an effort to gurentee a win for the team, even if he's fighting something 500 times his own size, making him the most reliable and gutsiest Magikarp alive....If he doesn't kill himself first. Did I mention he likes to pick fights whenever its totally unnecessary?
Level: 6
Famous Line: "I got him where I want him!!!"

Type: Absol
Name: Blade
Gender: Male
Personality: Blade is a little like Flame, minus the urge to pull pranks. He's more sophisticated and sometimes likes to cut things either just to blow off some steam or when he's bored. Blade is always ending up trying to solve problems and keep himself and the rest of the crew out of trouble...especially Flame & less likely Hyphy. Blade has been with Ray ever since he turned 9 and was on vacation in Las Vegas. Blade on the other hand, was named the "Silver Assassin" who went on a killing spree in the United States; It was 5 times worse than the Chain Saw Massacre. They soon became a team after blowing up a Nuclear Power Plant in Nevada....
Level: 62
Famous Line: "I know who you are, but what am I?"

(and again sorry for having a 3rd gen pokemon on the team, he's supposed to be Ray's back-up)

Red94
29th October 2006, 7:22 AM
I'm fairly new to the RPG thing, so, here goes. Critisism is needed, heh.

Name: Richard Barnaby
Age: 12
Gender: Male

Description: Richard looks like your average nerd. He is 4'10, which spawns many unwanted comments, such as 'midget' or 'corphish'. His hair is a sepia brown color. His eyes are a hazenut color.He used to neatly comb his hair to the right, going for the 'neat freak' look. Nowadays, he just goes out with his beadhair, purposly oblivious to the people who make fun of it. He wears glasses that are tightened so they do not fall off if any 'accidents' happen, though they are easily pulled off by Richard and humans (and possibly a Pokemon). His skin is tanned from swimming in ponds near his hometown, Pallet Town. He isn't thin, nor is he obese. He is basically a balance between the two. He definetly is not muscular, preferring to use mind over muscle. He usually wears a scarlet shirt with horizontal green lines on it. He wears navy blue shorts, with pockets on the side and rear. White tennis shoes with red streaks of flame on the side are his preffered footwear.

Personality: Richard is a quiet kid. He prefers to keep his mouth shut until asked a question, or just feels like sparking up a conversation. He is especially shy around new people, who he thinks will dislike him for his look, or the fact that he ocassionaly talks way too much,which, 90% of the time, will lead to an aggresive " Shut up!" from the person he was talking to. This is especially true around girls, so he'll try to avoid them until he has enough confidence. He is definetly no athlete. He prefers to be a follower, as he lacks confidence. When somebody insults him or his friends, he will mady spew incoherent curses and stupid things. He is paranoid, especially in the dark. He cares for his family and Pokemon very much.

History: Richard was born in Pallet Town. His mom, Alison Barnaby, works at the Cerulean Power Plant, while his father, Robert Barnaby works at the Poke Mart in Virdian. So, Richard usually is at home alone for the course of the day. At school, he was ridiculed for his small size, nerdy looks, and his annoying conversations. Most of the times, he blocks it out, and then goes quiet. At 8 years old, all the insults he had taken had finally snapped. A jock was making fun of him, so, he begin to madly curse at him and kicked him in the 'testicular' area. He then proceeded to stomp on him while cursing. Needless to say, the 2 months following this incident were not good times. He has since reverted back to his 'nerd' phase. After hearing about the Pokemon Leauge Challenge, he knew this was his chance. His father introduced him to Pokemon at a young age when he brought home a Pidgey that was injured. They nursed it back to help, and released it when the bird felt better. He hopes that if he wins the challenge, he will prove that he isn't someone to be made fun of.

Pokemon:
Species: Bulbasaur
Name: Seeder
Gender: Male
Personality: Seeder is a calm Bulbasaur, preffering to analyzing things before taking action. Whenever their is a female grass type pokemon, he will shy away, but try and do small, helpful things to impress her. In ways, he is like a Pokemon version of Richard. When angry, he will relentlessly headbutt and vine whip his opponent into oblivion.

Species: Charmander
Name: Lazer
Gender: Male
Personality: It is safe to say that Lazer is the complete opposite of Seeder. He is prone to aggression, and will occasionally, in fits of rage or boredom, burn things with his tail or small fire balls(Ember)which leads to trouble. He prefers brawn over brain, and relentlessly attacks opponent pokemon with claws and flame. The only friendliness he will show to is Richard, his family, Richards friends(if any), Richard's friend's pokemon and Seeder. He will try to woo female fire pokemon using his fire techniques. He and Seeder often spar to train:

Prongs
30th October 2006, 1:30 PM
Name: Prongs

Age:15

Gender:Male

Personality: Prongs is a very funny person. He`s the clown of his group and always love to make someone laugh. He is a devoted friend, and will fight for his friends. He doesn`t like to brag to much and hates those that brag all the time. He is very smart, top in his grade. He like to read books and loves sports, but his main love is Pokemon's. His favorite type is fire and his favorite Pokemon is Charizard.

Description: His tall and athletic, black hair and blue eyes. Wheres a pair of blue jeans, a red t-shirt, a pair of black sneakers and wears black goggles. He has a black charizard tattoo on his right arm and an earing in his left ear.

History: He lived with his mother and father in Pallet Town since he was born. He has 2 brother, one has only 1 year and the other has 25 and is a respected Pokemon trainer. He got along good with his big brother, but there where times when he would be beaten by him. Prongs learned in an all boys school. At the age of 15 his mother told him that he was allowed to go on his journey and become a Pokemon trainer. That was the best birthday Prongs ever had.

Pokemon: Charmander and Squirtle

Type: fire
Name: Charmander
Gender: Male
Personality: is a very brave Pokemon, always ready to give his life for his trainer. Sometimes he can be a little stupid but is a very fond of his trainer.

Type: water
Name: Squirtle
Gender: Male
Personality: very intelligent, always followes the rules and always does what his trainer tels him to do. He is a very caring Pokemon and like Charmander, would give his life for his trainer.

rate me...

icerain613
21st November 2006, 2:33 PM
Name: Kyle Dragonstalker

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Personality: Kyle is a really shy kid. He always is by himself. Although he is shy and can make friends really easly if others give him a chance. He loves to play video games especially sport ones. He is an atheletic teen. He also likes to play on sports teams and is a good team player. He also likes to help and care for others. Kyle can be the best of friends and is very trustworthy.

Describtion: He is 5,6 and has brown short hair. Kyle also has light brown eyes. He wears a yellow bandanna around his head. He wears a yellow t-shirt and baggy blue jeans. Kyle wears black sunglasses, white Nikes, and a silver short chain medalion.

History: Kyle started training pokemon when his best friend Jackson got his from a poke'egg. He has been training since he was six years old. Jackson and his dad have been helping him training ever since.
He lives with his dad in Fuchisa city. He has lived here eversince his dad became a world known ninja master. His dad now teaches a class there.
Fuchisa is a great place to train pokemon and your ninja skills. It is a very quiet and peaceful town to live in.

When Kyle heard about the contest, he didn't want to go. His dad said it would be a great way to make new friends. After that he started to pack and took the plane to pallet town to start his new adventure.

Pokemon: Staryu and Oddish

Type: Staryu

Name: Stamax

Gender: Male

Personality: Stamax is a very friendly and energetic pokemon. He always looks out for his friends and family. He is very close friends with Kyle and never does anything wrong even though he hates bullies.

Type: Oddish

Name: Odey

Gender: Male

Personality: Odey is a trustworthy friend. Although he can cause alot of trouble you can count on him to cheer you up. He will stand up for his friends because he knows they have his back even if he was the one who caused it.
With Stamax and Kyle they make a great team that can do anything as long as they try their best and work together.

Chaotic Pink
22nd November 2006, 9:10 PM
Might as well give this a go:

Name: Becky
Age: 13
Gender: Female
Personality: An optamist at heart, although she doesn't always show it. Becky is highly opinionated, and is not afraid to show this, even if it means hurting others on the way. A born leader because of this, and although she can annoy others, most respect her, even at 13. Deep down, she is shy and crazy, yet only shows this to some, close to her heart. Has never had trouble making friends, although she is picky.

Despite this, when she does make true friends she sticks by them and defends them no matter what, and she expects the same behaviour back.

Description: Tall, around 175cm in height. She is hardly ever seen without he trade mark blue jeans and fitted t-shirts. The t-shirts are normally pink with some sort of design. Her hair is long, brown and naturally straight, her brown hair has many shades of the colour in it; and she refuses to change it as she has had the same hairstyle and colour for all of her current life. Eye colour is blue, althought to be truthful it is a mysterious grey that changes depending on the light. Her complection is pale, yet when it is warm her cheeks turn a shocking and bright red colour making her stand out like a beetroot. Becky loves jewellery, whether it be earrings or necklaces, she only wears gold though.

History: She was born in Cerulean city, where she has stayed for all of her life. Here she caught her two Pokemon. Training and in turn learning with Misty, the current gym leader, is what keeps her family in the same town as they wish for Becky to learn everything about Pokemon, at least the water species. This encouraged her to become a fully fledged trainer, and with Misty's help, this is what has driven her on. At a young age she started playing with wild Pokemon and befriending them, the two Pokemon she has are the ones she befriended and kept friends.

Pokemon:

Type: Staryu
Name: Cerang
Gender: Female
Personality: Cheeky, this is because she often pushes people into the gym's pool from behind. She is loyal, and trys her best to win, at all costs. This nature often results in many wins or with her coming out battered and brused. She was captured by Becky from being Level 5, and is therefore very trusting towards her.

Type: Squirtle
Name: Showers.
Gender: Female
Personality: Showers is happy natured and easy going, in the wild when she used to battle she would walk away from battles to save from injuring often weaker Pokemon. She has a caring nature too, as she will gladly help any Pokemon.

Lady Myuu
27th November 2006, 7:04 AM
... DEATH!

*closed and destickied*

sorry guys :\ I just can't keep up.