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jessieneese
16th June 2006, 3:02 PM
This story takes place in the Johto and Hoenn Regions of the Pokemon world. It's about a boy named Ash Ketchum who is supposed to be New Bark High's best Pokemon Battler. He and his friends, Brendan, Brock, Tracey and Tory, compete in Pokemon Battling Competitions with their Pokemon. They've never lost a game in their lives. But, when the new girl comes along, it seems like everything is going to fall apart between them and Ash.
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Chapter 1: First day back
Brrrrring! The alarm clock beside Ash's bed rang loudly. He punched the off button and sat up wearily in bed.

"Ash, get a move on! It's 6:30, and you've got to be ready by 7:00!" Ash's mom, Delia called up the stairs to her son.

"I'm up, I'm up." Ash called back. "How am I supposed to get to Johto in 30 minutes to get to school?"

"Well today, you're going to take a train over to New Bark Town. You'll be staying there with Prof. Elm until Spring Break, then you'll come back down here, and so on." Delia replied.

Sping Break's months away. I'm staying with Prof. Elm that long? Ash thought to himself. He quickly changed from his pajamas to his school clothes.

"You done yet?" Delia asked, poking her head into the room. Ash was pulling his black gloves onto his hands.

"Almost." he said, running a comb through his hair and putting his usual red and black hat on.

"Well, pack up some extra clothes and things like that for Prof. Elm's." Delia said. "You'll be there for a couple of months." Ash nodded and grabbed his backpack.

A few minutes later, Ash was on a train, going to the Johto Region. A train attendant was constantly walking up and down the aisle, checking on the passengers.

Ash's Pikachu sat in the seat beside him. A loud bell rang through the train, and they stopped moving.

"That bell means we have arrived in New Bark Town." the train attendant said. Ash and a bunch of other people got up and off the train. Ash walked over to Prof. Elm's lab and knocked.

"Hello?" Prof. Elm said, answering the door. "Oh, hello Ash! Come on in." He opened the door wider and Ash stepped inside. "Just so you know, you won't be staying in the lab. You'll be staying at my house in the spare room. That ok?" Ash nodded. "Wait, why am I leading you into the lab? I need to show you to your room in my house so you can get settled in before school!" Prof. Elm said. He quickly rushed out of the lab and next door to his house. Ash followed.

"Here we are! Now, you've only got 15 minutes, so hurry!" Prof. Elm said as he led Ash upstairs to the spare room.

"Thanks, Professor. I'll be out in a minute." Ash said, walking into the room. He quickly unpacked his belongings and put them away. After making sure everything was in his backpack, he slung it over his shoulders and rushed down the stairs, Pikachu at his heels.

"Are you ready?" Prof. Elm asked. Ash nodded. "Ok. Do you think you could wait on my niece and walk to school with her? It's her first day at New Bark High, and she doesn't know anybody." Prof. Elm said.

"Uh, sure." Ash replied. He leaned against the wall, waiting on Prof. Elm's niece to come downstairs.

"Monica, hurry! You're going to be late!" Prof. Elm called up the stairs.

"Coming!" A girl appeared at the top of the stairs. She had dark brown hair and green eyes. She wore a pink tanktop with silver dots on it, and a red skirt with sparkles on it.

"Ok you two go on, before you're late!" Prof. Elm said.

Ash and Monica walked out the door.

"You know, you don't have to dress up for school." Ash said playfully as they walked down a dusty path toward New Bark High.

"I know. I just like wearing stuff like this." Monica replied.

"So, this is your first time at New Bark High?" Ash asked. Monica nodded.

"Yeah. You?" she asked.

"No. This is my second year." Ash replied.

"Cool. So, what's your name?" Monica asked.

"Ash Ketchum." Ash replied.

"I'm Monica Taylor." Monica said.

"So, how come you're here with Prof. Elm instead of back in your hometown?" Ash asked.

"Well, my mom wanted me to start a new school because I was having a really bad time at my old one, so we called Uncle Elm and he said I could come up here and stay with him until the school year's over." Monica replied.

By now, Ash and Monica had reached the school and were walking up the stairs and into the school.

"That's sort of how my deal is. I'm staying with Prof. Elm until Spring Break, then I'm going back to Kanto for two weeks, and at the end of Spring Break, I'll come back up here." Ash said.

"Cool." Monica said.

Just then, four boys approached Ash.

"Hey man, how's it going?" one of them said.

"Great." Ash said.

"Who's the new girl?" another asked.

"This is Monica Taylor. She's staying with Prof. Elm for the school year." Ash replied.

"Cool. Hey, my name's Brendan Stone." the first boy said. He had white hair and blue eyes. He wore a black jumpsuit with a red sash looking thing going from his right shoulder to just below the left side of his waist. A black headband was on his head. It had a white Poke Ball symbol in the middle.

"I'm Tory Lund." another boy said. He also had white hair and blue eyes. He wore a light blue shirt and white pants.

"I'm Brock." another boy said. He had spiky brown hair. He wore a brown vest with a green shirt underneath and brown pants.

"And I'm Tracey." the last boy said. He had black hair and brown eyes. He wore a blue shirt with red pants and a red headband.

"Nice to meet you all." Monica said. A teacher walked by and handed her a piece of paper.

"Looks like your locker is right her beside mine, and we've got the same classes!" Ash said as he opened his locker and took his morning books out.

"Come on. We need to get to our first class before the bell rings." Tory said.

"Right. Let's go." Ash said. Monica opened her locker using the combination on her paper and took out the same books she had seen Ash take out. He had said her classes were the same as his. She closed the locker and ran to catch up with the boys.

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Ok, I know that was kind of shaky, but the upcoming chapters should be better. By the way, Monica isn't the new student I was talking about. There's going to be another one later on in the story that Ash grows to like and _________________ I'm not giving away the whole story. :wink:

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter should be up soon.

Cipher_Admin
16th June 2006, 4:53 PM
This Story has brought a twist from the Original HSM movie.


Sandra - Did you really need to quote?

jessieneese
17th June 2006, 12:58 AM
Well, actually, the only simularity between this and HSM is that I'll be using the exact same songs from the movie, and they're in high school with a similar problem to Troy and his basketball team's. Either way, I'm expecting it to be an interesting story all in all.
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Chapter 2: First day back cont.

"Ok class. Put away your books and prepare for your pop quiz." a brown headed teacher walked up and down the aisles of desks, handing out quizes.

Ash groaned with the rest of the class. He hated pop quizes.

"Come on, Ms. Kantoku. It's the first day back. Why do we have to have a pop quiz first thing?" a student asked just what Ash was thinking.

"Yeah." a lot of students said in agreement.

"Quiet. A pop quiz is the perfect thing to get your brains working properly in the morning." Ms. Kantoku said. By now, all of the students had a quiz. "Now, begin." Ms. Kantoku said as she sat at her desk.

Minutes later, all students had their tests turned in and were waiting anxiously for the bell to ring. A shrill bell sounded. Everyone stampeded out the door. Ash and Monica were the last ones out.

"Some quiz." Monica said, shifting her books from one arm to the other.

"Yeah. I hate it when she does that." Ash said. They were now at the lockers. Ash put in the combination and opened his locker. Monica did the same.

Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock walked up to them.

"Hey Ash. How was algebra class?" Brendan asked.

"A nightmare." Ash replied, laughing. "She gave as a pop quiz first thing."

"Ms. Haiku did the same with us in Latin." Brendan said. A teacher walked by.

"Shouldn't you be getting to lunch?" she asked the group. (A lot of time has passed since chapter 1)

"Yes ma'am." everyone replied. The teacher continued down the hall. Ash put his books away and closed his locker. Monica did the same. The group walked down the hall toward the cafeteria.

A girl quickly walked up to Monica.

"Hi. Are you new here?" she asked. Monica nodded. The girl pulled her aside. "Well, those boys aren't the ones to be hanging out with." she said.

"Why not?" Monica asked.

"Well, all they care about are those stupid Pokemon Battling Competitions." the girl said.

"That sounds cool." Monica said.

"Well it's not." the girl said. "Allow me to introduce you to the 'right' group." She led Monica over to a group of girls.

"This is Brittany." the girl said, pointing to one girl. She had blond hair and blue eyes and wore an orange shirt underneath a blue sweater and blue jeans. She smiled at Monica.

"This is Rebecca." the girl said, pointing to another girl.

***

"Where'd Monica go?" Ash asked, turning around. He, Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock were all standing in the lunch line. Ash had just realized Monica was gone.

"I thought I saw Courtney pull her aside and start talking to her. " Tory said.

"Ugh. She's probably going to try and turn her into a 'zombie' like all of the other new girls that came to our school." Ash said.

Just then, Monica walked in, along with Courtney, and a bunch of other girls. (Courtney is the girl who pulled Monica aside, by the way.) She got in line behind Ash.

"Monica, where were you?" Ash asked.

"Why do you care? You're not my dad." Monica said.

"Oh, so that means I can't wonder where you were?" Ash asked, annoyed. Monica turned away from him and started talking to Courtney.

"Another Courtney zombie." Brendan whispered. The other boys, except for Ash, snickered.

"Ash, don't you have to live with her for a few months?" Tracey asked.

"Don't remind me." Ash said coldly.

"Aw, cheer up, Ash." Tory said. "It's not like this hasn't happened before."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll just forget about it." Ash said. "Besides, we've got a big game in two weeks." The other boys cheered.

Later that day, Ash walked back to Prof. Elm's house. He was a few feet ahead of Monica, and didn't care to slow down. He walked into Prof. Elm's house and headed straight upstairs.

"Ash, how was your day?" Ash skidded to a stop at the familiar voice. He poked his head into the kitchen.

"Mom?" he asked.

"Yeah. I decided to come on over here and stay at Prof. Elm's house with you instead of making you take the train back and forth. We can go back home at the end of the school year." Delia said. "That ok?" Ash nodded slowly.

"Well, I've got to go do some homework." he said, rushing up the stairs.

Upstairs in his new room, Ash dropped his backpack onto the floor and collapsed onto the bed. He didn't really have any homework. He had just said that to get out of talking about staying here. The cell phone by his bedside started ringing. Ash picked it up an answered it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey Ash. Do you think you could come down to my house and practice a little?" Brendan asked.

"Uh, sure. I'll be there in a few minutes." Ash said. He hung up and put the phone on his nightstand. Then he went over to his backpack and pulled out his Poke Balls. "Come on Pikachu. We're going to Brendan's." Ash said. Pikachu jumped onto his shoulder. Ash went downstairs. "Bye Mom, I'm going to Brendan's!" he called into the kitchen as he rushed out the door.
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Sorry. I kind of have to go somewhere. Hope you like the second chapter! The next one should be up soon.

jessieneese
18th June 2006, 4:45 AM
Chapter 3: The new girl and the accident

"Come on Brendan, we've been practicing for hours. It's getting late. I need to get back to Prof. Elm's." Ash said.

"Alright, alright. Fine. I'll see you tomorrow." Brendan said. He and Ash were in Brendan's basement of his house, battling with their Pokemon. Both the Pokemon and the trainers were starting to get tired.

"Alright. See ya tomorrow." Ash said.

"Bye." Brendan said as Ash walked up the stairs to the laundry room.

Ash walked into Prof. Elm's house, and headed straight for the stairs. He went into his room and sat his Poke Balls on the desk across from his bed.

After doing so, he changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed beside Pikachu. It yawned and curled up against him.

"Goodnight buddy." Ash said, turning over and going to sleep.

***

"Ash Ketchum, get up!" Delia called from the doorway. Ash sat up, startled by his mother's yelling. "You've got 10 minutes to get ready and get to school. I suggest you move it." Delia said.

"10 minutes?" Ash asked. He looked at his alarm clock. 7:50. The alarm light wasn't lit up. "Oh, I forgot to set the alarm." He jumped out of bed and quickly changed into his school clothes. He put his Poke Balls into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. "C'mon Pikachu, let's go!" he said, running out the door and downstairs.

"Pika!" Pkachu cried, running after him.

"Late again, I see, Mr. Ketchum." Ms. Hotaru said as Ash walked into the classroom. "That means I'll be seeing you after school today." Ash sighed and slid into his seat.

"Ok. Yesterday, we talked about the legendary Pokemon, Registeel. Today we will be talking about the legendary Pokemon, Regirock." Ms. Hotaru said. Ash felt someone tap on his shoulder. He turned around.

"Are you feeling ok?" Brendan asked him.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Ash whispered. He turned back around right when Ms. Hotaru did.

"Ok. Can anyone tell me..." Suddenly the door opened. A girl with light brown hair and sapphire blue eyes walked in. She wore a red shirt with bluish-black shorts with a white skirt-looking thing over them. On her hands, she wore white gloves with black on the fingers and wrist bands. A red bandana with a Poke Ball symbol sat on her head.

"May I help you?" Ms. Hotaru asked her.

"Um, is this History class?" the girl asked.

"Yes it is." Ms. Hotaru replied. "What do you need?"

"I'm a new student here and I was told my first class is History." the girl replied.

"Oh, a new student?" Ms. Hotaru asked, her mood brightening. (She loved getting new students in her class.) "Ok, please have seat beside Mr. Ketchum." Ash raised his hand.

After handing Ms. Hotaru her papers, the girl sat down in the empty seat beside Ash.

"So you're May?" Ms. Hotaru asked, looking at the papers. The girl nodded. "I'm glad to have you in my class." Ms. Hotaru said.

Later that day, Ash walked down the hall to his locker. He put in the combination and opened it. After putting his books away, he closed the locker and started walking toward the cafeteria. He almost bumped into Monica.

"Hey." she said.

"Hey. Ash said flatly, and brushed by her. With the combination of tiredness and anger, he was not in a good mood today.

"Hey Ash." Brendan said as Ash approached the cafeteria.

"Hey. Where's the others?" Ash asked.

"Well, Tory and Tracey had to run an errand for Ms. Haiku, and Brock volunteered to help Ms. Hotaru with something this morning. He said he wouldn't be done til this afternoon. He'll probably be skipping lunch." Brendan replied.

"You're Ash, right?" Ash turned around. May was standing behind him.

"Yeah." he replied.

"I've heard plenty about you from my cousin, Courtney. Her version was negative, but I still know all about what you do and stuff. Do you think you could help me get to know the school?" May asked.

"Uh, I guess so." Ash said.

"Thanks." May said, smiling.

"Brendan Stone, report to the principal's office." A voice came over the intercom above the cafeteria.

"Well, gotta go. See ya, Ash." he said. He walked out the door. Ash turned back to May.

"So, Courtney's your cousin?" he asked.

"Uh-huh. She's such a drama queen though. When she told me all of those bad things about you, I knew she had to be lying. And her new friend, Monica, told me everything about you in a positive way, but now she's against you for some reason." May replied.

Just then, Monica, Courtney, and the rest of the 'Courtney zombies' that followed came through the door. Courtney approached May.

"What a great way to start your year here: making friends with jerks. I really thought you'd be better at picking friends than that, cuz." Courtney said. The other girs snickered.

"You know, I heard that when a girl picks on a boy, or vise versa, it means they like him or her." Tory said as he walked into the cafeteria.

"I knew you would end up liking him eventually." Tracey said.

"How could I possibly like a jerk like him?" Courtney asked.

"Is that the only insult name you know?" Ash asked. Courtney glared at him.

"Jerk's not an insult. It means Junior Educated Rich Kid." Brendan said, walking into the cafeteria. May, Ash, Tory and Tracey laughed.

"Whatever. Unlike you losers, I've got a life. And I don't intend to spend it arguing with you." Courteny said.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Ash said. Courtney sighed loudly and stomped off, the group of girls following her.

"Shows what she knows about insults." Brendan said. He was trying to be funny.

"Oh yeah...you showed her." Ash said sarcastically.

***

Ash walked into Prof. Elm's house and into the kitchen. His mom was sitting at the table, on the phone.

"Hey Mom-" Delia held a finger up, signaling him to be quiet.

"No. I didn't know that...Ok, I'll be right over. Ok bye." she said. She hung up the phone and stood up. "Honey, I've got to go to Greenfield and see Professor Hale." she said.

"Why? What happened?" Ash asked. He ignored the fact that his mother was talking to him like he was five.

"There's been a little accident. I have to go over there and look after Molly for a while as well as help Professor Hale with-" she cut off. "I'll be back probably sometime next week." she said.

"Next week? Is it that serious?" Ash asked.

"I'm afraid so. You know how to reach me if you need me. Prof. Elm is gone to a science convention, so you and Monica will be here by yourselves for a while." Delia said. Ash looked confused.

"I've got to go. Bye." Delia said. She kissed Ash on the forehead and walked out of the kitchen. Ash heard the door close a few seconds later. Monica came into the kitchen.

"Where was your mom going?" she asked.

"She had to go visit Professor Hale and help him with something." Ash replied.

"Where's-" Monica started.

"Prof. Elm's at a science convention." Ash said.

"We're here by ourselves?" Monica asked.

"That's what it looks like." Ash said, walking over to the refridgerator and getting a soda. "I'll be upstairs if you need me."

"Doing what?" Monica asked.

"Homework." Ash replied, going up the stairs.

I wonder what happened with Prof. Hale, he thought to himself as he walked into his room. I just hope Mom doesn't get hurt or anything.

He dropped his backpack to the floor and took out his homework. There was so much of it, he didn't know where to start. He sighed.

"This is going to be a long night." he said.

jessieneese
18th June 2006, 1:16 PM
Thanks for the comments, guys. Here's the next chapter!
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Chapter 4: A big twist

The next day, Ash was up before his alarm clock went off. Way before. It was like 5:30 in the morning, and his alarm clock wasn't going off until 7:00. Monica was asleep in her room down the hall.

"Does she have to go to the hospital or anything?" Ash asked. (He was on the phone.)

"Well, I don't know yet. Molly and Prof. Hale are taking this really hard. I might be here longer than I thought. Prof. Elm will be at that convention for months, probably, so you and Monica will be by yourselves for a while. Are you sure you can handle that?" Delia asked from the other end.

"Yeah I can handle it. I'm just worried about Mrs. Hale. You don't know what's going to happen?" Ash asked.

"No, I don't know anything yet. I've got to go now. Bye, Ash." Delia said.

"Bye." Ash said. He hung up. He sighed. "I hope Mrs. Hale is going to be ok." he said to himself.

About 2 and a half hours later, Ash walked into New Bark High. He put in the combination for his locker and took out his books.

"Hey Ash. What happened last night? I called you like twelve times." Brendan said as he walked up to Ash.

"Oh. Was it from 7 to 9?" Ash asked.

"Yeah." Brendan replied.

"I was on the phone with my mom." Ash replied.

"Your mom?" Brendan asked. Ash nodded.

"I can't tell you about it right now. I'll tell you later." he said. He walked down the hall. Brendan followed.

"Hi Ash." Ash said. Ash turned around.

"Oh hey." he said, smiling.

"Yesterday was a pretty rough start, huh?" Brendan asked.

"Nah, I have to deal with Courtney's attitude all the time, so it wasn't anything new to me." May replied.

"So, what classes do you have?" Ash asked.

"Um, History, English, Science, Latin, algebra, and I go to the drama club after lunch." May replied.

"Those are all of my classes, except for Latin and drama." Ash replied.

"All of them except for science, algebra, and drama are mine." Brendan said.

The three of them had reached History by now and were walking into the classroom.

"Ok. Before class, I have a few announcements for you all. Today, starting at 12:30, I will be in the auditorium, holding auditions for the Winter Musical. If any of you would like to audition, be there before 3:00. Vivian Burgess can answer any of your other questions about that." Ms. Hotaru said. Ash barely heard her. He was still thinking about Mrs. Hale, Molly's mother. She had already lost her mother once. (Watch Pokemon 3 the movie) Was she going to have to lose her again?

That day, at lunch, May and Ash were sitting at a lunch table, talking. Brendan, Tory, Brock and Tracey weren't there yet.

"What is this supposed to be?" Ash asked, looking down at his tray. May shrugged.

"I don't know, but I think I just lost my appetite." she said, pushing the tray away from her.

"Same here." Ash said, doing the same.

"Why don't you audition for the musical?" May asked.

"I'm not really I singing person." Ash said.

"Oh come on. It'll be fun. Please?" May asked. Ash sighed.

"Ok. I'll try." he said. May smiled.

"Thanks Ash." she said.

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I'll have the auditions in the next chapter. Sorry. It's Sunday. I've got to go to church. Maybe I'll write the next chapter when I get home.

jessieneese
18th June 2006, 9:44 PM
Chapter 5: Auditions

Later that day, May led Ash into the auditorium. Ms. Hotaru was sitting in the front row of seats. A large brown desk was placed in front of her with a bunch of papers and a desk lamp on it. (She's supposed to resemble Ms. Darbus from HSM)

"Ms. Hotaru? I have a new auditioner." May said as she and Ash approached Ms. Hotaru. Ms. Hotaru turned around.

"Ash Ketchum?" she asked with surprise. Ash smiled sheepishly. "Well, I guess you could pair up with May for the pairs auditions." Ms Hotaru said after a moment's pause. "That is, if you can make it." She turned to the stage. "Ok let's begin!" she called out.

A girl with short, brown hair and green eyes walked out onto the stage. Her hair bounced up and down as she flounced out to the middle of the stage. She was wearing a yellow sundress with matching yellow sandals. She started singing off key to a slow piano tune.

"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see,

that you were always there beside me...

this feeling's like no other,

I want you to know..." she stopped. As did the piano.

"Ah, Naomi. That was...good. Perhaps the Spring Musical." Ms. Hotaru said. The girl's happy expression immedietly dropped to a frown.

"Hmph!" she said, and stomped off the stage. A good number of people performed, each getting denied for some different purpose.

Suddenly, Pikachu jumped off of Ash's shoulder and ran onto the stage.

"Pikachu, where are you going?" Ash asked. He started to chase after it, but May stopped him.

"Just let it go. Let's see what happens." she said. Ms. Hotaru looked at Pikachu confusedly.

"A Pokemon?" she asked. "Well, I give everyone an even chance....I guess I could let it sing for laughs." she said to herself. Pikachu began singing:

"Pi pi pipipi, pi pi pipipi,
pipi pipi pipipipipi...

pi pika pika pi,

pi pi pika pi..."

Ms. Hotaru looked surprised. So did everyone else in the room. Pikachu was actually good!

"Wow. I don't know what to say. You're a Pokemon, so you can't be in the Musical, but I'll certainly give you a prize. Some Yellow Pokeblocks, maybe?" Ms. Hotaru said.

"Pika!" Pikachu said, smiling. It hopped off the stage and back onto Ash's shoulder, satisfied with itself.

"Ok. Ash Ketchum." Ms. Hotaru said. Vivian handed him a sheet of music with lyrics to what he was supposed to sing. Ash gulped down all of his nervousness and walked onto the stage. A slow piano tune began to play. Ash started singing. (Throughout the whole story, Ash's singing lines will be red, May's will be light blue, when they sing together, it'll be purple, and I'll tell you the others' later on.)

"Livin' in my own world,

Didn't understand that anything can happen

when you take a chance..."

"Ok, stop." Ms. Hotaru said. Ash looked up. "The only reason I told you to stop was because your partner was supposed to come in right there." Ms. Hotaru said.

"So, how'd he do?" May asked anxiously.

"That was the best performance I've seen so far. You are definetly in." Ms. Hotaru said. "Now, I'm going to pair you up with May. I'd like you two to sing together so I can see if you really need to be partners." May joined Ash onstage, holding a piece of paper. The slow piano tune started playing again.

"Livin' in my own world,

Didn't understand, that anything can happen

when you take a chance" Ash sang. He was singing softly and nervously, but the microphone amplified his voice.

"I never believed in

what I couldn't see

I never opened my heart..(oh)

to all the possibilities oooh..

I know..

That somethin' has changed

Never felt this way...

And right her tonight..

This could be the start of somethin' new

It feels so right...

To be here with you..oh

and now, lookin' in your eyes

I feel in my heart (feel in my heart)

the start of somethin' new

Oh...yeah" Ash started getting more comfortable with the song. "Now who'd of ever thought that..um

We'd both be here tonight" May joined in.

"Oh

yeah..and the world looks so much brighter (Brighter, brighter))oh..with you by my side (by my side)

I know..

That somethin' has changed

Never felt this way

I know it's for real

This could be the start of somethin' new

It feels so right

To be here with you..oh

and now lookin' in your eyes

I feel in my heart

The start of somethin' new

I never knew that it could happen til it happened to me..oh yeah

I didn't know it before, but now it's easy to see

oh...It's the start of somethin' new

it feels so right

to be here with you..oh

and now lookin' in your eyes I feel in my heart

that it's the start of somethin' new it feels so right

so right..oh (singing at the same time May is singing 'to be here with you')

to be here with you

oh and now...

lookin' in your eyes

lookin' in your eyes

I feel in my heart(feel in my heart)

the start of somethin' new

the start of somethin' new

the start of somethin' new" The music cut off, and Ash and May lowered the microphones they'd been holding, panting.

"That..was...great!" Ms. Hotaru said, clapping her hands. "You two obviously have no stage fright when you're with each other. I noticed that both of you were shy and quiet at the beggining of the song, but started getting more comfortable with it later on. You two are definetly a pair for the Musical." Ash and May smiled at Ms. Hotaru, then at each other. They returned their mikes to their stands and walked off the stage.

A girl and a boy walked up to Ash and May as they walked out of the auditorium.

The girl had orange hair and cerulean blue eyes. She wore a yellow jumpsut with a red shirt underneath.

The boy had brown hair and green eyes. He looked like he could be Naomi's brother. He wore a light blue T-shirt and dark blue jeans. Black and white writst bands were on his arms, a little above his wrists.

"Hi Misty." Ash said to the girl.

"Hey Ash." the girl replied with a sweet smile. "So, you made it in the musical. Congrats."

"Thanks. Are you in it?" Ash asked.

"Of course I am! I've starred in all of the school's productions. This one isn't any different." Misty replied.

"Cool. May and I made it too." Ash said. He looked at the boy.

"Is this your partner?" he asked.

"Yep. This is Chad Danforth." Misty said. "We auditioned a few hours before you got here, and made it."

"That's great." Ash said. He glanced at the clock on a nearby wall. "Oh, I've got to go. It's getting late. Nice meeting you Chad! Bye May! Bye Misty!" He ran out the door.

jessieneese
19th June 2006, 3:41 PM
Chapter 6: Out of town parents

That night, Ash was sitting at the desk in his room, doing homework. Again, he had had so much of it, he didn't know where to start. By now, he was almost finished.

"Ash, are you through yet?" Monica called down the hall.

"Almost." Ash called back. He was finishing up his algebra homework. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering. I'm going over to Courtney's for a little while. See ya later." Monica said. Ash heard her footsteps going down the hall, then down the stairs, and finally, he heard the door close faintly.

Before long, Ash's homework was done, and he was sitting in the living room, flipping through the channels on the TV. There was a knock at the door. Ash got up and walked over to the door. He opened it.

"Oh, hey May!" he said.

"Hey. Did Ms. Hotaru tell you about tomorrow?" May asked.

"No. What's going on tomorrow?" Ash replied.

"The drama club is meeting in the auditorium. That boy and girl that we met yesterday are going to sing their pair song." May said.

"Cool, but why do we have to be there? It's them singing, not us." Ash said.

"It doesn't matter. Ms. Hotaru said that we have to attend every meeting the drama club has, whether we're involved or not." May said. Ash sighed.

"Alright. I'll be there." he said.

"Right after lunch." May said. A cell phone began ringing. "Oh sorry. That's mine." May said. She took out a cell phone and answered it. "Hello?...oh...really?..ok. I'll do that...alright. bye." She hung up.

"What is it?" Ash asked.

"That was my mom." May replied. "She said not to come home just yet. They're having a little problem down there."

"No one's hurt or anything, right?" Ash asked. May shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to go to Courtney's and stay with her until the problem is cleared. " she said.

"You could stay here, if you want." Ash offered.

"Yeah, but are you sure your mom'll allow it?" May asked.

"My mom's out of town." Ash said. Instantly, the Prof. Hale problem popped into his mind.

"Well, I guess I could. Courtney said she had a friend over anyway." May said. "I'd rather not be over there when she has any friends over."

"Ok...well, come on in." Ash said, stepping out of the way and opening the door a little farther. May walked in.

"Wow. Nice place." she said.

"It's not really my house." Ash said.

"What do you mean?" May asked.

"This is actually a friend of mine's house." Ash said. "I really live in Kanto."

"Well, I used to live in Petalburg City in Hoenn, but we moved down here so I could attend a better school." May said. She followed Ash over to the couch. Ash sat down on one side, and she sat on the other.

Pretty soon, Ash started getting tired. Before long, he fell asleep.

***

Early the next morning, Ash woke up. He looked around. The sun was just rising over the hills in the distance. He realized he was in the living room, on the couch. The TV was still going.

Ash got up and made his way through the darkness to a light switch. He flipped it on. He spotted May lying on the other side of the couch, asleep.

"May!" he said, trying to wake her up. "May!" May bolted upright.

"Please tell me it's still nightime." she said.

"I'm afraid not." Ash said.

"My mom's going to be so mad!" May said, getting up and running to the door.

"Wait. Check your cell phone. It's blinking red." Ash said. May stopped and took her cell phone off her belt. She flipped it open, pressed a few buttons, and put it to her ear. After listening for a while, she cut it off and put it back on her belt.

"What is it?" Ash asked.

"Mom left a message last night. She said she had to go out of town for a little while. Dad and my little brother, Max are going too. She said just stay wherever I'm at until they get back." May replied.

"That's weird." Ash said.

"I'll be right back. I need to go get my backpack from my house." May said.

"I'll go with you." Ash said. He and May walked out the door.

***

Later that morning, May had retrieved her backpack and she and Ash were now at school, in Algebra class.

"I expect everyone did their algebra homework last night. If not, I shall be seeing you after class." Ms. Kantoku said. She walked around the room, collecting homework. It turned out everyone did it. "Ok. Now that that's out of the way, let's move on to today's lesson."

Ash rested his head on his hand as Ms. Kantoku went on about stuff they'd already learned. This was the class he hated the most. All of them were boring, but not as boring as this one. He focused his thoughts on Prof. Hale and Molly. Mom had gone out of town for a while, now May's parents were gone too. What was happening? He knew his Mom was probably still in Greenfield, helping Molly and Prof. Hale. But what were May's mom, dad and little brother doing?

The sound of the shrill school bell interrupted his thoughts.

"I hope you listened today. There will be a quiz on this next week. No homework tonight." Ms. Kantoku said.

No homework? Is she feeling alright? Ash thought to himself. None of his other teachers had given him homework, either. He caught a glance of the calander on Ms. Kantoku's wall. Of course! This was Friday. Not even Ms. Kantoku and Ms. Hotaru gave homework on Friday.

He walked down the hall to his locker and put in the combination.

"Ash?" Ash turned around. It was May.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"It is ok if I stay with you, right?" May asked.

"Huh?" Ash asked.

"You know, because my parents are out of town." May said.

"Oh. Uh, yeah. I guess." Ash said as he put his books in his locker and closed it.

"Thanks, Ash." May said.

Brendan walked down the hall to them. He gave Ash a friendly slap on the back. The slap looked painful, so May couldn't help but cringe a little.

"Hey man, you coming to my house today to practice? I got some actual opponents now." Brendan said.

"Sounds good." Ash said. "um, can May come?"

"Why do you ask that?" Brendan asked.

"Well, May's parents are out of town, so she's staying with me. Do you think she could come and watch us practice?" Ash asked.

"Oh. Sure I don't care. My parents are out of town, too." Brendan said.

"Yours too?" Ash asked. Brendan shrugged.

"I guess everybody found some place to go." Brendan said. "Anyway, come on. We need to get to the cafeteria, before all the food is gone." Ash laughed.

"Ok. Let's go." he said.

***

After lunch, Ash and May went to the auditorium to go to the meeting. Ms. Hotaru was already there, sitting in the front row of seats. Ash spotted Misty and Chad backstage. Misty was wearing an outfit similar to Monica's on her first day. Chad was wearing a red shirt under a black jacket and blue jeans.

"Ash, May. Glad you made it. Please have a seat there." Ms. Hotaru said, pointing to two seats in the second row. Ash and May sat down where Ms. Hotaru instructed. "Ok. Misty and Chad. Begin." Ms. Hotaru said.

A fast piano beat began playing the same tune as the one the day before. (The one Pikachu and Naomi sang.) Misty and Chad walked out onto the stage, microphone in hand. (From now on, when Misty and Chad sing, Misty's lines will be pink, Chad's will be green, and when they sing together it'll be orange.)

"It's hard to believe

that I couldn't see.." Chad started off the song.

"You were always there beside me.." Misty joined in.

Thought I was alone

with no one to hold

but you were always there beside me

This feeling's like no other.." Misty sang.

"I want you to know

I've never had someone

that knows me like you do

the way you do

I've never had someone

as good for me as you

no one like you

So lonely before

I finally found

what I've been looking for

So good to be seen

so good to be heard

Don't have to say a word

For so long I was lost

So good to be found

I'm lovin' havin' you around

This feeling's like no other

I want you to know

I've never had someone

that knows me like you do

the way you do

I've never had someone as good for me as you

no one like you

so lonely before

I finally found

what I've been looking for

do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do whoa oh, oh, oh

do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do whoa oh, oh,oh" The song ended, and everyone clapped.

***

"May, you going to Brendan's?" Ash asked.

"Uh, yeah. Hold on." May said. She came down the stairs and joined Ash at the door. "Ok let's go." she said.

Yami Ryu
19th June 2006, 10:48 PM
.. :/ you know maybe you need to learn the difference between a story, and a script. Because so far this looks like a half assed attempt at a scripted story. And what the feck is with the colors? :/ This just hurts my eyes, offends my senses, as you lack description completely in places, then fall back on bad scripting with colors. I suggest you don't listen to mindless reviewers all OMG YOU ARE THE BEST- and go read the ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS thread and the RULES thread.

:/ and put some effort into the next chapter/

jessieneese
20th June 2006, 10:01 PM
Chapter 7: Friendship problems (and another song)

"Ash, what spell has this girl cast on you that suddenly makes you want to be in a musical?" Brendan asked angrily. He and Ash were walking around a grassy field outside of Newbark Town late the next afternoon.

"There is no spell. I just did it. Who cares?" Ash asked.

"Who cares? Well, I care. Our team cares. A lot of people care, Ash. We've got a big playoff battle next week, and we're certainly going to lose if you're concentrating on some stupid musical." Brendan replied. Ash sighed.

"Brendan, if you don't think that I'll put 110 percent of my guts into that battle, you don't know me." he said angrily.

"But, I thought-" Brendan started.

"I'll tell you what I thought. I thought you were my friend. Tory, Tracey and Brock, too. Win together, lose together team mates." Ash said.

"But, suddenly, the girl." Brendan said.

"Just because I met a new person doesn't mean I'll forget about you." Ash said. "You're my best friend, Brendan. I would never forget about you. Or the team. And if you don't trust me on that, you don't trust me at all." Brendan didn't reply. Ash turned and walked out of the field toward Prof. Elm's house. Brendan watched him go.

What was I thinking? Ash is right. He's my best friend. He'd never forget about me and the team. Now, thanks to me, we are going to lose the battle. Ash probably thinks I'm a lousy friend now. he thought to himself. He walked out of the field and headed toward his house.

***

Ash walked into Prof. Elm's house. May was sitting on the couch, watching TV. She looked at Ash.

"Hey." she said cheerfully.

"Hey." Ash said flatly.

"What's wrong?" May asked when she noticed Ash's flatness.

"Brendan and I had a fight." Ash replied. "He was bugging me about the singing thing, and I said some stuff that I probably shouldn't have."

Monica came down the stairs.

"What's she doing here?" she asked, frowning.

"Her mom and dad are out of town, so she's staying here." Ash replied.

"Your mom's out of town, and so is my uncle. We're here by ourselves. Why can't she stay at her house by herself? Is she too big of a baby or something?" Monica asked smugly.

"No, her home is too far away from here." Ash said, growing annoyed. Monica rolled her eyes and stomped into the kitchen. The sound of the refridgerator opening and closing and the sound of soda cans banging together could be heard. Monica came back out a few seconds later and went back upstairs. Ash sat down beside May on the couch.

The weekend seemed to fly by. Pretty soon, it was Monday again, and Ash was back in school, at algebra class. It was 5 til 12:00, and class was almost over. The shrill bell rang, and the students stampeded out the door. Ash and May went to their lockers and out away their books. They then made their way to the lunchroom.

"I'll catch up with you in the lunchroom. I've got to stop by the office for something. Ok?" May asked Ash.

"Alright." Ash said.

"Save me a seat." May said. She disappeared into the principal's office. Ash walked into the cafeteria. He spotted Brendan sitting at a table near the middle of the room. He made his way over to him.

"Hey, uh, about yesterday." he said when he reached him.

"Forget about it." Brendan replied. "You're right. I'm a horrible friend. I should have supported you instead of tear you down."

"Uh yeah, but-" Brendan cut Ash off.

"That's why I'm not going to be your best friend anymore." he said.

"What?" Ash asked, surprised.

"Think about it. When you decided to try something new, I just brought you down. I should have been supporting you. You need to find another best friend, someone who won't bring you down every time you try to do something new." Brendan said. Ash sat down beside him.

"Brendan, I don't want another friend. You're the perfect one. So you made a misake. Big deal. That doesn't mean I should begrudge you forever." Ash said.

Suddenly, a boy stood up on on top of a table and began singing.

"What the-" Ash said. The boy was Brock!

"What is he doing?" Brendan asked.

(Ok. When Brock sings, his lines will be light green. An unknown girl will be singing in here. Her lines will be dark blue. Another boy will be singing here, too. His lines will be yellow. The Pokemon Battlers' lines will be white, the brainiacs' lines will be black, the regular color, the skaterdudes' lines will be regular blue. Misty's lines are pink, Chad's lines are green, and when everyone sings together, the lines are a creamy color. If you get confused, look back up here. This song is from the High School Musical movie, and is pretty long.)

"You can bet there's nothin' but net

when I am in a zone and on a roll

but I've got a confession,

my own secret obsession

and it's making me lose control" Brock sang. The Pokemon Battlers gathered around him and motioned for everyone else to do the same. Ash and Brendan were the only ones who remained seated.

"Everybody gather round." the Pokemon Battlers sang.

"Well, if Ash can tell his secret, then I can tell mine. I-I bake." Brock said. (Let's just pretend he doesn't cook here.)

"What?" Tory asked.

"I bake. Strudels, scones, even apple pendata." Brock said.

"Not another sound." the Pokemon Battlers sang. (There are more than four of them. Tory, Tracey, Brock and Brendan are our main focus. Ash is the leader, and the main character of our story.)

"Some day, I hope to make the perfect Creme Brule." Brock said.

"No, no, no, no. (No no no)

Stick to the stuff you know.

If you wanna be cool, follow one simple rule

don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo." the Pokemon Battlers sang.

Look at me and what do you see? Intelligence beyond compare.

But inside I am stirring

something strange is occuring

it's a secret I need to share" A girl Ash and Brendan didn't know stood up and sang.

"Open up, dig way down deep." The braniacs sang.

"Hip hop is my passion. I love to pop, and lock and jam and break." the girl said.

"Is that even legal?" a boy beside her asked.

"Not another peep." the brainiacs sang.

"It's just dancing. Sometimes I think it's cooler than homework." the girl said.

"No, no, no, no (no no no)

Stick to the stuff you know

it is better by far to keep things as they are

don't mess with the flow, no no

stick to the status quo." The brainiacs sang.

"Listen well, I'm ready to tell

about a need that I cannot deny

dude, there's no explanation for this awesome sensation, but I'm ready to let it fly." a boy Ash and Brendan didn't know sang.

Speak your mind and you'll be heard." the skaterdudes sang.

"Well, if Ash wants to be a singer, then I'm coming clean. I play the cello." the boy said.

"Awesome! What is it?" Another skaterdude asked. The boy started moving his arm back and forth horizontally and acted like he was holding something.

"A saw!?" the other skaterdude asked.

"No, dude. It's like a giant violin." the boy replied.

"Not another word." the other skaterdudes sang.

"Do you have to wear a costume?" the skaterdude asked the boy.

"Coat and tie." the boy replied.

"No, no, no, no (no, no,no)

Stick to the stuff you know

if you wanna be cool,

follow one simple rule,

don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quooooo

No, no no

stick to the stuff you know

it is better by far to leave things as they are don't mess with the flow, no no

stick to the status quo." The skaterdudes sang.

Mist was watching the whole scene from the upstairs lunch tables. (It was sort of like a balcony above the real lunch room) Chad was beside her.

"This is not what I want.

This is not what I planned.

And I've just got to say

I do not understand.

Something is really..." Misty sang.

"Something's not right-" Chad sang, but Misty cut him off.

"...Really wrong

And we've got to get things back where they belong. We can do it!"

Gotta play!

Stick with what you know.

We can do it!

Hip hop hooray!

She has gotta go.

We can do it!

Creme Brule.

Keep your voice down low.

Not another peep (no)

not another sound (no)

not another word (no) Everbody sang together.

"Everybody QUIET!" Misty yelled.

May walked into the lunchroom and sat down beside Ash and Brendan.

"Why is everybody staring at you?" she asked Brendan.

"Not me. You." Brendan replied.

"Because of the singing? I can't have people staring at me, I really can't." May said, a nervous looked forming on her face.

Everyone began singing again, startling May, Ash and Brendan.

"No! (no no no)

Stick to the stuff you know

if you wanna be cool, follow one simple rule,

don't mess with the flow, no no

stick to the status quoooo

no, no no

stick to the stuff you know

it is better be far to keep things as they are

don't mess with the flow, no no

stick to the status,

stick to the status,

stick to the status quo!" Everyone stopped singing and started walking around the lunchroom, talking to each other. Ash noticed Tory, Brock and Tracey shoot him a dirty look. Brendan may have changed his mind, but they hadn't.

"This can't be good." Ash said to himself.
__________________
The deal with the colors, is the different people singing. I think I tell you that every time I write a 'song'.

And this is supposed to be a rewrite of a certain movie with Pokemon characteristics in it.

My story was rated 4 star, so I didn't bother to look at the Advice for Aspiring authors section. I'll try it, though.

Silent Conversation
21st June 2006, 1:27 AM
I've been reading your story and I've just got to say... wow. Pokemon is one of my favoerite things and I saw HSM (I really liked it). For me, this is the perfect fan - fic. There are a few mistakes here and there, but besides that, nothing. Keep on writing and I'll be reading.

FusionSonicX
21st June 2006, 3:48 AM
Hey!

Wow! I love it! It is amazing how EVERYONE seems to like High School Musical. Keep going and don't bother Yami Ryu, she tells EVERYONE to go to the ADVISE for ASPIRING AUTHORS and RULES threads.

I wonder when Ash and May are going to "BREAK FREE" *wink* *wink* ... ?

jessieneese
21st June 2006, 6:19 PM
...Well, it was rated four star. Somehow it got brought down to three. *shrugs* Oh well.
Ash and May are going to 'Break Free' but that won't be 'til later.

Anyway, I'll have the next chapter up soon. I'm kind of busy right now.

Yami Ryu
21st June 2006, 6:40 PM
So just because you got rated 4 stars you assumed you deserved it off the bat? I'm sorry but that is really arrogant :/ And so what if you have to resort to using colors to show who is singing. That only proves you are too lazy to attempt to let people know via writing, aka description to who sang what, and what this person did and etc, etc, etc.

Besides I think they'll get the gist of who sang what if you have the names after the lyrics anyways :/


Keep going and don't bother Yami Ryu, she tells EVERYONE to go to the ADVISE for ASPIRING AUTHORS and RULES threads.

Ever think I have a ****ing reason to tell them? It's there for a reason and not to grow old and stale because blind fools don't want to read it, and want to ignore advice how to become better, improve and generally gain better reviewers then people that mindlessly praise their work.

Like you :3

I try to help people get better :/ if you don't like me pointing this out, stfu about it. My way has helped people get better and I am attempting to help this person get better also.

jessieneese
24th June 2006, 1:36 PM
Chapter 8: More friendship problems

Tory, Tracey and Brock walked out of the cafeteria. Brendan stood up. Ash put a hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him back down.

"I'll go." he said. Brendan sat down.

"Just do them the way you did me." he said. Ash nodded and walked out of the cafeteria. He met up with Tory, Tracey and Brock outside the doors.

"Guys-" he started.

"Ash what happened to suddenly make you want to be a singer?" Tory asked angrily.

"Nothing happened. I just decided to try something new. Is that a crime now, or something?" Ash asked.

"Ash, you're a battler, not a singer." Brock stepped in.

"Did you ever think maybe I could be both?" Ash asked.

"No! Because of you, our team is falling apart, and now people think that they can...talk to us." Tory said.

"They have ever right to talk to us. Just because we're the most popular people in school doesn't mean anything. It doesn't cut us off from them, and it doesn't cut them off from us. We're no better than anyone else." Ash said.

"Ash, a few days ago, you were one of us. Now I don't know what you are." Tory said. He started to walk away. Ash grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"I'm still one of you. I just had my eyes opened. A few days ago, I thought I was better than everybody else. Just like you. But, now my eyes are opened to how it really is. It doesn't matter what group you're in or what clique you hang out with. We're all the same, no matter what. Nobody is better than anyone else, and nobody's worse." Ash said. Tory wriggled free from Ash's grasp.

"I don't want to see you or talk to you until next Friday." he said coldly. Then, he, Tracey and Brock walked down the hall. Ash sighed.

"How'd it go?" Ash turned around. Brendan and May were standing behind him.

"Not good. They're madder at me now than they were before." Ash said.

"Ash, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have asked you to join the dram club. If you hadn't have joined, this wouldn't be happening." May said.

"No, it's not your fault. I want to be in the drama club. The decision's not up to them. It's up to me." Ash said.

"And no matter what they say, I'm with you all the way." Brendan said, putting a hand on Ash's shoulder.

"Thanks." Ash said.

***

That night, Ash had just finished his homework. He put away his books and papers and sat his backpack on the floor beside his desk. Right as he was about to go downstairs, his cell phone rang. Ash walked over to the nightstand beside his bed and answered it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey Ash. This is May." the voice on the other end replied.

"Oh hey. Uh, if you're right downstairs, why are you calling me?" Ash asked.

"I'm not downstairs." May replied.

"Huh? Then where are you?" Ash asked.

"I'm at school, in after school detention." May replied.

"What did you get detention for?" Ash asked.

"It's a long story. I should be back in a few minutes. See you then." May said.

"Ok. Bye." Ash said. He hung up. When he put the cell phone back on the nightstand, it started ringing again. He picked it up and answered it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Is this Ash Ketchum?" a woman's voice asked from the other end.

"Yes it is." Ash replied.

"Ash, this is Ms. Hotaru. I called to tell you about the drama club meeting tomorrow." the woman said.

"What's it for?" Ash asked.

"I'm going to be handing out your callback scripts for the musical. You'll need them if you're going to learn the song you're supposed to sing." Ms. Hotaru replied.

"Ok. Thanks Ms. Hotaru. I'll be there." Ash said. "Bye."

"Bye." Ms. Hotaru said. Ash hung up.

How'd she get my number? he thought to himself.

Just then, the phone rang again.

"Hello?" Ash asked for the third time that night.

"Hi honey." the woman's voice on the other end said.

"Mom?" Ash asked.

"Yeah it's me." Delia replied.

"How's Mrs. Hale doing?" Ash asked.

"She's doing better than before, but she hasn't completely healed yet. Prof. Hale is staying in the hospital with her until he gets a report. I'm staying back at the mansion, watching Molly." Delia replied.

"I hope she gets better soon and that Prof. Hale gets a report." Ash said.

"So do I. Oh, Ash. Molly wants to talk to you. Is that ok?" Delia asked.

"Sure." Ash said.

"Ok hold on." Delia said. The line went silent for a moment, the Molly's voice came over.

"Hi Ash."

"Hey Molly. How are you doing?" Ash asked.

"Good. My mom's in the hospital." Molly replied.

"I know. Is she getting any better?" Ash asked.

"Yeah, but she's still really sick." Molly replied. She was quiet for a moment, then said, "I wish you were here."

"Why is that?" Ash asked. Molly didn't reply. Ash realized she didn't want to tell him. "Well, I would come visit, but I've got school."

"Could you come on the weekend?" Molly asked.

"I guess so." Ash said.

"When will you come?" Molly asked.

"This Friday, after school." Ash said.

"Ok! See you then! Here's Ms. Ketchum." Molly said. The line went silent again, then Delia's voice came back on.

"What did you tell her? She seems really excited." she said.

"I told her I'd come visit this Friday." Ash replied.

"Really? How long will you be staying?" Delia asked. Ash knew she was testing him to see if he was trying to get out of going to school.

"I'll be there until Sunday night, then I have to come back down here to go to school." he said.

"Ok. Will you be bringing any friends?" Delia asked.

"I might brng Brendan along, if he wants to go. I know I'll be bringing a new friend of mine." Ash said.

"It's a girl isn't it?" Delia asked.

"What?" Ash asked.

"Your new friend. It's a girl, isn't it?" Delia asked.

"Yeah." Ash replied.

"I knew it would happen one day! You finally got yourself a girlfriend!" Delia said.

"No, no, no. She's not my girlfriend. She's just a friend." Ash said, turning bright red.

"She will be one day, though. Stop blushing." Delia said.

"Can you see through the phone or something?" Ash asked, observing the part of the phone he was listening through.

Delia laughed. "No. I just know you well enough to know your reactions to what I say." she said. "Anyway, I've got to go. I love you. Bye."

"Ok. Love you. Bye." Ash said. He hung up and put the phone on his nightstand. The sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard faintly.

"Pika pika chu!" Ash looked down. Pikachu was sitting in his doorway, holding a piece of paper.

"Hey buddy. What's that?" Ash asked, walking over to it. Pikachu handed him the paper, then jumped onto his shoulder. Ash read the paper out loud. "Callbacks for roles Arnold and Minnie: Ash and May, Misty and Chad. Musical will be held in the auditorium on Firday, January 27th, at 2:00 p.m."

May appeared in front of him.

"I see you got the paper." she said.

"Yeah. Does this mean there's no meeting tomorrow?" Ash asked.

"No. She's still got to give us the scripts." May said. Ash put the paper on his desk.

"Uh, I promised a friend of mine, Molly, that I would come visit her this Friday. Her mom's in the hospital, so I figured she might need my company." he said.

"How long will you be there?" May asked.

"Til Sunday night." Ash replied. "Do you want to come? My mom wants to meet you."

"Sure. I'll come. I'd love to meet your mom." May replied.

"Cool. I'll ask Brendan about it tomorrow." Ash said. "Right now, I've got to get to bed." May looked at the clock.

"Yeah you're right. It's pretty late." she said. "Goodnight." She walked down the hall. Ash heard the door to her room close faintly. He changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed. Pikachu jumped up beside him and curled up into a ball against him. Ash set his alarm clock and turned over toward the wall. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Somehow, he was going to have to get Tory, Tracey and Brock on his side. But how?

Silent Conversation
24th June 2006, 2:19 PM
Another great chapter!

One question: In HSM, the friends of Troy and Gabriella try to separate the pair. Will Ash's friends do that to Ash and May?

~Water Lucario~
25th June 2006, 11:29 AM
High School Musical and Pokemon ROCK!!! so this was a great idea to put the two together.

angel_fire101
26th June 2006, 1:13 AM
Wow...this is awesome. Like Rukario-Wave Rider, I love both HSM and Pokemon, so I too think it was an awesome idea to put them both together.
I can't wait for your next chapter!

By the way, great HSM banner, Rukario.

Quackerdrill
26th June 2006, 7:20 PM
Okay, okay, okay... I'm gonna try to lay down the law without being mean about it. Whatever I say I mean very truthfully here; how do you expect to get better if you can't take constructive criticism?

This is a story in the purest of terms- a 'story' and not much else. I see characters, plot, a setting, a conflict, etc. But what it doesn't have is a soul. What I mean by this is it sounds like you are just telling us what happened as if you were explaining it verbally. What you need to try to do more effectively is make us feel like we're there.

*Description of the world around these characters would be the first step. It's nice to know what everything looks like or else we might have trouble getting involved.

*Characters- a major problem. You use many familiar characters from the game/anime (I do have to give you props for using Tory...tori? Torie? XD from movie 7, though), but we don't really get to know much about them over the course of the story. Yeah, they sing some songs. Yeah, they have changing relationships with the other characters. But what use is all that when we just don't care about them? Once in a while, the reader would like to know what the characters are thinking, not just through what they are saying. This fic relies so much on dialogue to tell their feelings when so much can be said with an expression or an action.

*Originality- You did try to go past a lot of the High School Musical cliches and such, but you could have done many other things to make this fic your own. Sure, fans of the movie will love it no matter what, but what do you have to offer those who didn't enjoy it? I know the fans are your target, but I would have liked to see some kind of other side to it all, like a new character that changes things up a bit or a new development in the plot. See, retellings are great if you love the source material, but I've found that the best ones are the ones that have some fun with the universe. In other words, what can happen in this fic is not necessarily bound to what happened in the movie. There was a little effort in doing this, but not enough.

Welp, I think I should wrap up before facing the wrath of all those High School Musical fans out there. The bottom line here is that basically, all this is is a bare-bones retelling of the events of the movie with some fun Pokemon elements and characters inside. This may be what the HSM/Pokemon fans want, but you've forgotten that over here, we have a higher standard for our fics, based on movies or not. We can't just assume what things look like in your fic. And we sure as heck can't just assume what is going on in the character's minds.

With these points in mind, keep writing and practicing... Just remember that I mean no harm. And I'm definitely not going to curse at you like a certain other hanging about. ^_^ Most of all, have fun- that's what it's all about, right?

*gives some fresh cookiemuffinbrownies*

jessieneese
27th June 2006, 8:51 PM
Thanks for the nice review, Quackerdrill. I'll try and put more description to the characters and surroundings. I know chapter 10 was a little flat and confusing, but I'll try harder on chapter 11.

jessieneese
28th June 2006, 1:20 AM
Chapter 9: The worst of all problems

Beep! Beep! Beep! Ash's alarm clock beeped loudly by his bedside until he pressed the snooze button. For once, he wanted to be on time. He jumped out of bed and walked over to the closet. Right as he got his clothes out, his cell phone rang. He picked it up and pressed it between his shoulder and head.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey, Ash. I just wanted to tell you something before you left." Delia's voice said from the other end.

"Yeah, what is it?" Ash asked, slipping his black and red shirt over his head.

"Mrs. Hale's condition has suddenly taken a turn for the worse. She's getting sicker by the minute." Delia said.

"She is? What happened?" Ash asked, a concerned look coming over his face. He pulled his blue jacket over his head and adjusted the gray hood.

"I don't know. We just found this out a few minutes before I called." Delia replied.

"Where's Molly?" Ash asked.

"She's up in her room, getting ready for school." Delia replied.

"I really hope Mrs. Hale's condition doesn't get any worse." Ash said as he slipped his shoes on and put on his black and red hat.

"So do I. I've got to go now. Bye Ash." Delia said.

"Bye." Ash replied. He attatched the phone to his belt and grabbed his backpack. Slinging it over his shoulders, he called to Pikachu and went downstairs. Pikachu bounded down from the bed and ran downstairs to catch up with its master.

"Ash, we've got 15 more minutes until school starts. What's the big hurry?" May asked when Ash came down the stairs.

"That's about how long it takes to get to school." Ash replied.

"Really? Let's go then!" May said, grabbing her backpack and joining Ash at the front door.

***

Hours later, Ash was in the cafeteria, sitting at a table near the middle of the room. Tory, Tracey and Brock were sitting on the left - as far left as you could get. Brendan and May hadn't made it yet, so Ash was alone for the time being. Except for Pikachu. It was sitting on the bench beside him. (The cafeteria has bench-like seats.)

Brendan walked into the room and sat down beside Ash, not even bothering to check out the lunch line.

"Where's May?" he asked.

"She hasn't made it yet." Ash replied. Suddenly, May walked in the door. She sat down at a table on the right side of the cafeteria. "I wonder what's wrong." Ash said. He got up and walked over to the table May was sitting at. "What's the matter?" he asked, sitting down beside her. May moved farther down the bench to get away from him. "May, what's the matter?" Ash asked, a little louder.

"You know what? Courtney was right about you! You're a heartless jerk who only cares about your stupid battling competitions and your team!" May said. Ash was taken aback.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Tory told me that you said you didn't care anything about me or the callbacks, and that you would quit the drama club to practice more with them." May replied.

"What? I didn't say that! You saw yourself that I turned them down just to audition with you and to attend those meetings." Ash said.

"Yeah, but they're part of your team. You'd never let them down." May said sarcastically.

"I let them down yesterday, and many other times before that. May, are you sreiously going to believe some crazy rumor about something I didn't even say?" Ash asked.

"Yes. I am! And when I go with you to your friend's house this Friday, I'm going to let your mother know what a heartless jerk you are!" May said. Then, she got up and walked out of the cafeteria.

"Ash, what happened?" Brendan asked.

"May's mad at me." Ash replied.

"Why?" Brendan asked.

"Because of some rumor Tory and the others started." Ash said. He sighed. "I don't really feel like eating today. I'll see you after school." he said. He got up and walked out of the cafeteria.

***

Later that day, Ash walked into the auditorium. He sat down in a seat on the second row. May was already seated on the other end of the row. Ms. Hotaru walked up and down the aisles, handing out scripts.

"Remember, the musical is next Friday at 2:00." she said. "You may go now." All of the drama club members walked out of the auditorium. Ash headed straight for his locker and got out his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder and walked out the front doors of the school.

When he reached Prof. Elm's house, he walked in and went straight upstairs and into his room. He dropped his backpack by his desk and fell face first onto his bed. Everything was going wrong. May was mad at him. Three of his best friends were also mad at him and turned May against him. Mrs. Hale's health was getting worse. Ash didn't think there was any way this could get any worse. And yet, there was.
____________
Sorry, I realized that I left out chapter nine, so I deleted chapter 10, put chapter nine, and I'm about to repost chapter 10. Sorry about that!

jessieneese
28th June 2006, 1:23 AM
Chapter 10: To make matters worse...

That night, Ash was at Brendan's house, in his basement. The two were sitting on separate chairs and watching TV.

"I can't believe May would believe a rumor like that." Brendan said.

"Neither can I. It just doesn't seem like her." Ash said. Pikachu sat on the floor by his feet, playing with a Treecko, one of Brendan's Pokemon.

"Maybe you should try talking to her again." Brendan suggested.

"I think I will." Ash said, standing. "Oh, I almost forgot. Do you want to come with me to my friend Molly's hous this Friday?"

"How long will we be there?" Brendan asked.

"Til Sunday night." Ash replied.

"I'm there." Brendan said. "It'll get me out of having to stay with my uncle." Ash laughed.

"Ok. See you tomorrow." he said. Pikachu hopped onto his shoulder as he headed for the stairs.

"Good luck with May." Brendan said.

***

Ash walked into Prof. Elm's house. He locked the door behind him.

"May? Where are you?" he called out. He went up the stairs slowly."May?" He walked down the hall toward her room. The door was closed. Ash knocked on it softly.

"What is it?" May asked. Her voice was muffled by the door.

"It's me, Ash. I- I wanted to talk to you." Ash replied. The door opened.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you too." she said. She stepped out of the way and motioned for Ash to come in. Ash walked in and followed her to the bed in the middle of the room. May sat down. "Ash, the reason I acted like that today was because of something that happened in my family." she said. Ash sat down beside her.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"My mom called me last night and told me that my aunt died the night before. I was depressed and upset, and when Tory told me that rumor, it just made me angrier. I was actually mad at him for saying that about you, but when you came up to me at lunch, I just took my anger out on you because you had been the first person to talk to me since Tory told me that rumor, and I had to take my anger out on something." May replied.

"Why didn't you just come home and beat up a pillow or something?" Ash joked.

"Why, is that what you do?" May asked sacastically.

"Actually, yes." Ash replied, then laughed. May laughed, too. "I'm really sorry about your aunt, May. If you'd have told me before instead of just getting angry at me, then you probably would've felt a lot better." Ash said.

"So, you're mad at me now, aren't you?" May asked.

"No, no. I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying." Ash said.

"Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone now." May said. Ash got up and walked out of the room.

May sighed. She had just told Ash a lie. Her aunt hadn't really died, and she was still mad at him. The truth was, she really did believe that rumor Tory had told her and she was still mad at Ash. But, if she was still mad at him, why had she just told him a lie?

Finally, she decided what she would do. She was going to tell Ash the truth. What she really thought, and what she really believed. Even if this meant she'd have to quit the drama club to avoid him, she was going to tell him.

The next day, Ash met up with Brendan in the cafeteria.

"How'd it go with May?" he asked.

"I can't tell if she's still mad at me or not." Ash said. May walked into the cafeteria. She walked right up to Ash and Brendan.

"Ash, I lied to you last night." she said.

"What?" Ash asked.

"I lied. My aunt didn't really die, and I do believe that rumor Tory told me." May replied.

"So, everything you told me last night was a lie?" Ash asked. May and Brendan both could sense the anger in his voice.

"Well, yeah." May replied.

"There wasn't really any reason to lie, May. All you had to do was - You know what? Forget it. Just forget it. I'm sick and tired of stuff like this happening to me. I'll drop out of the musical, if that's what you really want. Brendan, I'll see you later. I don't feel like eating today." Ash said. He walked out of the cafeteria and down the hall, Pikachu at his heels. Brendan turned to May.

"Nice move. You'd have probably been better off pretending you weren't mad at him. " he said. Then, he walked out of the cafeteria. May sighed.

"I guess I was all wrong about Ash. I thought he was perfect, but I guess I thought wrong." she said. She turned and walked out of the cafeteria, and slowly began walking down the hall. As she was walking, she started singing to herself.

"It's funny when you find yourself

lookin' from the outside

I'm standing here, but all I want,

is to be over there

why did I let myself believe

miracles could happen

cause now I have to pretend

that I don't really care

I thought you were my fairy tale

my dream when I'm not sleeping

a wish upon a star

that's comin' true

but everybody else could tell

that I confused my feelings

with the truth

when there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody

that I heard you singing

and when you smiled

you made me feel

like I could sing along

but then you went and changed the words

now my heart is empty

I'm only left with used-to-be's

and once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairy tale

and dreams were meant for sleeping

and wishes on a star

just don't come true

cause now, even I can tell that I

confused my feelings with the truth

because I liked the view

when there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind

it's like you were floatin'

while I was fallin'

and I didn't mind

because I liked the view

I thought you felt it too

when there was me and you"

yoyo bob
29th June 2006, 11:49 PM
review: i'm not sure if you can do this but try to say how they sing or what the tune is when they sing so you can imagine how they sing the song

Kyuubii
30th June 2006, 2:15 AM
Where do I start?

I suppose I'll start with the fact that you copyed things from the movie. Don't get me wrong, there's no problem with taking bits and pieces from the movie and putting them in your story. However, you completely stole the songs and the entire setting in which performed.

Second, drop the whole colors thing. Just because you color code something does not mean that it's an acceptable way to say who's singing where, say who's singing with words not colors. On that note, you need much more description: What does the school look like? What are the people wearing? Don't be lazy and not describe characters just because everyone knows them from the anime, while you're at it maybe make them wear something different than in the anime (they don't wear the same clothes everyday). Also, give us some depth into their personalities: What are they thinking?

This is a good idea and everything, but the actual writing needs work.

I guess I'll finish by saying three things:
1)Don't get too cocky because your 'fic was rated four stars' or because a whole bunch of people are saying "THIS FIC ROCKS!!!" or "YOU'RE THE BEST."
2)Read Advice for Aspiring Authors, it's there for a reason ya know.
3)Don't ignore good reviews. Yami Ryu is one of the better fan fic writers/RPers out there, as well as a great critic and you just blew her off. Quackerdrill also gave you a good, constructive review and I don't even think you read it.

In closing, don't give up on writing, just try and get better and give your story a bit more 'umph.'

jessieneese
1st July 2006, 1:40 AM
Chapter 11: Problem solved?

The next day, Ash and May had to attend a drama club meeting.

"One last reminder: the Winter Musical will be held next Friday. Don't forget, those of you who are actually in it. You may go now." Ms. Hotaru said. Ash got up and walked out of the auditorium. When he reached his locker, he put in the combination and pulled his backpack out from the very bottom.

Slinging it over his shoulder, he closed the locker and walked out the front doors to the school.

Once at home, he collapsed on the bed of his room and pulled his cell phone out. He pressed a few buttons and held it up to his ear. It rang a few times, then a woman's voice came over the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom." Ash said.

"Oh hi Ash. How are you?" Delia replied cheerfully.

"Fine." Ash replied. His voice gave away what mood he was in.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Delia asked.

"Well, me and my friend May are kind of having an argument right now." Ash replied. "So, I don't know if she'll be coming with me to Prof. Hale's tomorrow."

"What's the argument over?" Delia asked.

"It's sort of complicated to explain." Ash replied.

"Oh. Well, that's ok. She doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to." Delia said. She sounded disappointed.

"I'll talk to her, ok Mom?" Ash asked.

"Ok. I've got to go. Bye honey." Delia said.

"Bye." Ash said. He hung up and put the phone on his nightstand. He heard the faint sound of the front door opening and closing. Footstpes could be heard coming up the stairs. Finally, a soft knock came from Ash's door.

"Come in." Ash said. He knew exactly who it was. The door opened and May walked in.

"Um, hi." she said. She seemed uncomfortable talking to Ash now.

"Hi. What do you want?" Ash asked.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For real this time. Yesterday, when you said what you said, you made me realize how stupid of me that was. I shouldn't have lied to you. So, I'm sorry. And if you could ever forgive me, I'd appreciate it. But if you can't, I understand." she said. Ash sighed.

"I forgive you. And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten all fired up like that. Forgive me?" Ash said. May nodded.

"Thanks, Ash." she said. Ash smiled.

"Hey, I can't stay mad at you forever. Besides, we've got a musical to rehearse for." he said.

"Yeah, you're right." May said.

"Did you bring the tape?" Ash asked. May nodded and took it out. "Ok. Hand it here." Ash said, holding his hand out. May handed it to him. Ash got up and put the tape into a stereo that was placed on a table in one corner of his room. He turned the stereo on and pressed the play button. A slow piano began playing. (This isn't the same song as the one they auditioned with.) Ash started off.

"We're soarin'

flyin'

there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach..."

"If we're tryin'

so we're breakin' free" May sang.

The two went on singing for a while, until late at night. Then, it was bedtime.

The next day, Ash walked out of the school's front doors, Brendan and May on either side of him.

"So, which way's the train station?" Brendan asked.

"That way." Ash said, pointing to the east. "Now, we're all going to go pack up some clothes and stuff like that, then we'll meet up back here. Ok?"

"Ok." May and Brendan said. Ash and May ran off toward Prof. Elm's house, and Brendan ran to his house.

In just a few moments, the three friends would be on their way to Greenfield, where Prof. Hale's mansion and Molly awaited.

____________
Sorry my chapters have been so short lately. I've been really busy. I should have th next chapter up tomorrow.

jessieneese
1st July 2006, 1:45 AM
Chapter 12: Greenfield - Prof. Hale's Mansion

A few minutes later, Ash, May and Brendan were on a train, going to Greenfield. The seats were big enough to fit three people, so they were able to sit together.

Like on the train Ash had rode before, a train attendent was constantly walking up and down the aisle, checking on passengers. She walked by. Brendan, who was on the side of the seat that was beside the aisle, stopped her.

"Yes?" she asked politely while giving him a warm smile.

"Um, this is the train to Greenfield, right?" Brendan asked.

"Yes it is." the train attendent said.

"About how long will it take to get there?" Brendan asked.

"It shouldn't take any longer than an hour." the train attendent replied.

"Ok. Thanks." Brendan said, returning her warm smile from earlier. The train attendent walked away.

***

About an hour later, a bell rang throughout the train, signaling they had arrived.

"All passengers going to Greenfield, this is your stop." a voice came over the intercom above Brendan, Ash and May. The trio got up and got off the train, along with a bunch of other people.

Once outside, the trio looked around.

"Ok, Ash. Which way is Prof. Hale's house?" Brendan asked, shifting his backpack around on his shoulders. (They had all used a backpack instead of a suitcase.)

"I think it's that way." Ash said, pointing ahead.

"Ok then. Let's go." Brendan said, walking forward. Ash and May followed.

Pretty soon, the huge mansion known as Prof. Hale's home could be seen up ahead. The scenery around them was like a place described as paradise. A big, green, well cut lawn surrounded the Hale mansion, along with tons of beautiful flowers that ranged from small, white and yellow daisies to large, yellow sunflowers. Large, green trees grew spaciously here and there, with flocks of Murkrow and Pidgey resting in their branches.

As they drew closer to the mansion itself, (they were in its huge yard right now) they could see a large fountain shooting a stream of crystal clear water into the air. The water sparkled when it shot into the air and hit the sun's rays. Small splashing could be heard as the water came back down to the pool of water below it. The fountain itself was made of stone and was gray with markings of Unown carved around it. A paved path led up to the mansion's front porch. This is the path which Ash, Brendan and May walked on.

A little girl about 8 years of age ran down the set of stairs coming down from the porch. She had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes and wore a yellow sundress with white sunflowers on it along with yellow sandals.

"Ash, you're finally here!" she cried, and jumped into Ash's arms.

"Hey Molly. Good to see you!" Ash said. Brendan and May looked at the porch, waiting to see if anyone else was coming. A woman with brown hair and eyes walked through the door. She also wore a sundress, but hers was orange instead of yellow, as were her sandals.

"Ash, is that your mom?" May asked. Ash looked up.

"Yep. That's her." he said, standing. Molly held on to his hand.

"Hi Ash. Hi Brendan. How are you?" Delia asked as she approached the group.

"I'm doing fine, Ms. Ketchum. Thank you." Brendan said politely.

"Mom, this is May." Ash said.

"Nice to meet you." Delia said, holding a hand out.

"Nice to meet you, too Ms. Ketchum." May said, shaking it.

"Please, call me Delia. You too Brendan." Delia said. "So, come on in. Prof. Hale is home. I think he wanted to see you before he left for the hospital again, Ash." Ash, May, Brendan and Molly followed her up the set of stairs and into the giant mansion.

The mansion was so big, it made everyone dizzy just to look up at the ceiling. The floor was tiled and was painted white with gold designs. The walls were plain white, and the ceiling was just like the floor. A gold chandelier hung from the middle of the ceiling. Crystal pieces hung down from around it.

Delia led the group through the huge room and into the living room, which was also huge.

"Prof. Hale is waiting over there on that couch, Ash." Delia said. "If the rest of you want to go with him, you can." May, Brendan and Molly decided to stay with Ash. Delia walked out of the room. Ash approached Prof. Hale.

"Um, Professor? You wanted to see me?" he asked. Prof. Hale looked up. He had been reading a book. He set it aside on a wooden table beside the couch he was sitting on. The couches in the room were sort of a burgendy color with gold trimming on the edges.

"Yes. Have a seat here." Prof. Hale said, patting the empty spot on the couch beside him. Ash sat down. Now that he was touching it, he realized it was velvet. May, Brendan and Molly sat on the couch across from them. "Ash, do you remember the first time you came here?" Prof. Hale asked.

"Yeah. It was to stop that Entei and those Unown." Ash replied.

"Yes, and you saved my home, as well as me." Prof. Hale said.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"Well, when the Unown were released, I was sucked into this whole other world. When you stopped the Unown, I was sent back here. So, you saved me." Prof. Hale said.

"Wow." was all Ash said.

"I never got to thank you for doing that." Prof. Hale continued. "So, I'd like to give you a reward."

"Oh, no. You don't have to give me a reward." Ash said.

"Really? But it would - " Prof. Hale started.

"No, it's ok. I don't help someone for rewards. I just help because they need it." Ash said.

"Ok..if that's what you want. I've got to get to the hospital. See you soon." Prof. Hale said. He got up and walked out of the room. Delia came in.

"Would you like me to show you to your rooms?" she asked.

"Uh, sure." Ash said, standing. May, Brendan and Molly also stood.

"Ok. Come on." Delia said. She walked out of the room. Ash picked up his backpack and followed her. Brendan and the others did the same. They followed Delia up a navy blue staircase with golden railing to the second floor. She led each of them to a room. "See you tomorrow." she said.

"Tomorrow?" Ash asked.

"It's nightime right now, Ash." Delia said. Then, she walked off.

I wonder what's wrong with her? Ash thought. Brendan, Molly and May had already gone into their rooms. He opened the door he was standing in front of. Inside, there was a large bed with a navy blue blanket. Ash realized it was also velvet, like the couches had been. A large, wooden bookcase was put up against one wall. It was lined with different books. A stereo was in another corner. The speakers were huge; about as tall as he was. Ash sat the backpack down on the floor near the bed. He changed into his pajamas and sat down on the bed. Pikachu hopped up beside him and started playing around on the blanket. Ash laughed.

"You like that velvet stuff, don't ya buddy?" he asked.

"Pika!" Pikachu said, smiling up at its trainer.

"I'm gonna go downstairs real quick." Ash said. "I'll be right back." He got up and walked out the door. He went down the long stairway and walked into the living room. Delia was sitting on one of the couches. She didn't look too happy or joyful. Ash walked over to her. "Hey Mom, what's the matter?" he asked softly, sitting down beside her.

"Prof. Hale just called. He says that the doctor thinks Mrs. Hale has already passed away, but they're still trying to figure it out. Don't tell Molly. It'll just make her upset." Delia replied. May and Brendan walked into the living room. They were both in their pajamas. Brendan was wearing a black shirt with matching black pants. It really didn't look like pajamas, but it was. May was wearing a pink nightgown. They both sat on the same couch as Ash and Delia. The phone rang. Delia answered it. After listening for a few minutes, she glanced at Ash, May and Brendan and then walked out of the room, talking quietly so they couldn't overhear what she was saying.

Uh oh. That can't be good news, Ash thought. He hoped Mrs. Hale was going to be alright. If she died, Molly and Prof. Hale might not be able to take it. He just hoped Mrs. Hale would live, for Molly, Prof. Hale, and Delia's sake.

jessieneese
1st July 2006, 2:21 AM
Ok, Kyuubii, here's my response:


I suppose I'll startwith the fact that you copyed things from the movie. Don't get me wrong, there's no problem with taking bits and pieces of from the movie and putting them in your story. However, you completely stole the songs and the entire setting in which performed.

I believe I said in chapter 2 of this story that the songs and setting would be the same;this is supposed to be a rewrite of the movie with the Pokemon characters replacing the original HSM characters. So, it's going to be either almost exactly the same or at least similar.


Second, drop the whole color thing. Just because you color code something does not mean that it's an acceptable way to say who's singing where, say who's singing with words not colors.

I understand what you're saying, but this is supposed to be my story, right? So, if I want to put colors in to specify who's singing, I should be able to.


On that note, you need much more description: What does the school look like? What are the people wearing? Don't be lazy and not describe characters just because everyone knows them from the anime, while you're at it maybe make them wear something different than in the anime. (they don't wear the same clothes everyday.) Also, give us some depth into their personalities: What are they thinking?

I'll try to be more desciptive from now on and put some, as you say, 'depth' into the characters' personalities.


3) Don't ignore good reviews. Yami Ryu is one of the better fan fic writers/Rpers out there, as well as a great critic and you just blew her off. Quackerdrill also gave you a good, constructive review and I don't think you even read it.

Yes, I'll admit that I did kind of blow Yami Ryu off, but now I guess I'm willing to take your criticism and listen to you.

Actually, I did read Quackerdrill's review. I also replied to it afterward.

I guess I'll just have to realize that when one of you criticizes me, you're only trying to help, so from now on, I'll listen to you - all three of you. I think I'm going to head on over to the Advice for Aspiring Authors section and read as much as I can for tonight.

Sorry about blowin' ya off, Yami Ryu.

Silent Conversation
1st July 2006, 3:41 PM
I've been reading all the chapters since my last review. And the chapters are still great.

Something was bugging me in chapter 12. That was you misspelled a lot of words.

But I must comment you on the great amount of description in chapter 12.

So, my final word is keep up the good work.

jessieneese
13th July 2006, 9:55 PM
Chapter 13: Close call

The next morning, Ash, May and Brendan were all in the living room at the same time. Different clothes had been layed out for them in their rooms, and they had changed into them. Brendan was now wearing a solid red shirt under a black jacket with a dragon on it and reddish-orange flames on the bottom. His jeans were black and came down a little below his knees. His shoes were also black, and he wore the same headband.

May wore a red tanktop and a pair of faded blue jeans, which looked unusual on her. Her shoes and bandana remained, but her gloves were gone.

Ash wore a black t-shirt with a red stripe going across the middle of it and a pair of regular blue jeans. His gloves were gone, but his hat and shoes were still there.

Delia greeted the trio in the kitchen. She was wearing another sundress, but of a different color. Today's sundress was light blue. She had sandals of the same color.

"Hey, Mom, what happened last night after we went to bed? Any news?" Ash asked. Delia had stayed up long after Ash and the others had went to bed, waiting on another call from Prof. Hale.

"She's hanging in there, but the doctors said they didn't know how much longer she could keep it up." Delia replied. Ash slid into one of the many seat at the huge table. May and Brendan sat on either side of him. Molly came into the kitchen. She was wearing a red sundress with sandals to match.

"Hey Molly." Ash said cheerfully. When she didn't respond, he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I know about my mom." Molly replied, her eyes on the floor. She stood by one of the chairs of the table. Ash slid out of his and walked over to her. He kneeled down in front of her.

"Don't worry. She'll pull through, I'm sure of it." he said. Molly put her head on his shoulder and started crying. Ash put his arms around her, forming a hug. He looked up at Delia, who, by now was standing over them. "I think I'll skip breakfast today."

"Yeah, me too." Brendan said.

"Same here." May said. Molly said nothing. She just continued to cry on Ash's shoulder.

When she finally calmed down, Ash asked her, "Do you want anything to eat?" Molly shook her head.

"I'm just gonna go back upstairs and see if I can get a hold of Daddy." she said, then walked out of the kitchen. Pikachu jumped on Ash's other shoulder, since the other one had a huge wet spot on it.

"Ash, why don't you and your friends go out back and play or something? I'm going to go talk to Molly." Delia said. Ash nodded. He led the others to the backyard of the Hale Mansion. Another giant water fountain like the one in the front yard sat in the middle of the yard. A swing hung from a of the huge branches of a tree. Other than that, the yard was just all grass and trees.

"Wow. Not much backyard stuff." Brendan said.

"That's because all of Molly's things are inside." Ash said.

"Like?" Brendan asked.

"Slide and stuff like that." Ash said.

"In the house? May asked. Ash nodded.

"Ok then. We've got all this space to use. Ash, let's use our definition of play." Brendan said, taking his jacket off and placing it on the side of the fountain, where it couldn't get wet.

"Brendan, I don't really feel like it right now." Ash said.

"What?" May asked.

"Ash and I used to wrestle whenever we were put into a big, open spaced backyard like this." Brendan replied.

"How long ago was that?" May asked, surprised that Ash actually wrestled. Brendan, she could believe, but Ash?

"We've been doing it pretty much all our lives." Brendan replied.

"How long have you two known each other?" May asked.

"Since were were in kindergarden." Brendan replied.

"And you've never gotten in trouble?"

"A couple of times, but after a while, our parents just gave in and let us do it." Brendan replied. He turned back toward Ash. "Come on! Please?" he begged. Ash folded his arms across his chest.

"No."

"You're just being that way because a girl's around." Brendan said. "Or is it because you're a chicken?"

"I'm not falling for that Brendan." Ash said.

"Fine. Be that way." Brendan said. He acted like he was going to walk off. When he thought Ash wasn't looking, he charged at him. Ash sidestepped and he fell onto the grass. Brendan swung his foot out and tripped Ash. Ash fell onto his back on the ground. May cringed. That looked painful.

"Alright you asked for it!" Ash said, leaping up and tackling Brendan. Molly came out the back door and saw what was going on.

"I was wondering when I'd get to see these two go at it again." she said, walking up beside May. "Who's winning?"

"Well, they just started, so it's kind of hard to tell." May replied. Molly watched Ash and Brendan fight.

"C'mon Ash! You can take 'em!" she cheered.

"Hey, what about me?" Brendan asked, putting on a comical face. Everyone laughed.


***

Later on that day, the sun was starting to set. Ash and Brendan had finally stopped fighting a few hours ago. It had come to a tie. Ash had almost won, but Brendan had tied it up with another trip.

Delia stuck her head through the back door.

"Ok, time to come in." she said. Everyone got up and walked through the door, Brendan carrying his wet jacket behind him. He had acidentally thrown Ash into the fountain and his elbow had knocked the jacket into the fountain. "Ash and Brendan. How in the world did you two get so dirty? Wrestling again?" Delia asked as Ash and Brendan walked by her. Both nodded. Delia smiled, to their surprise. "Who won?" she asked.

"It was a tie." Brendan replied.

"Well, there's two bathrooms upstairs. Both of you need to got take a shower and clean up." Delia said. Brendan sighed loudly and Ash rolled his eyes. Both hated taking a shower when they were so tired. But, they managed, and Ash now lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling with Pikachu curled up against him.

"Well, at least Mrs. Hale is sticking it out. Hopefully she'll recover enough to get out of the hospital." Ash said to Pikachu.

"Pika pika pikapi." Pikachu said. Ash sighed.

"Yeah. I hope so too." he said.
________________
I know that chapter didn't really have much good stuff in it, but the next will be up soon, and it should be better.

jessieneese
18th July 2006, 12:57 AM
Chapter 14: Sweet Relief

The next day, Pikachu was up before Ash. It hopped out of bed and ran across the floor. It nudged open the door and ran through it.

"Pikachu, what are you doing up so early? Where's Ash?" Delia asked when Pikachu came down the long flight of stairs.

"Pika. Pika pika pikachu pi." Pikachu replied, scurrying by her and into the room that led to the backyard.

"Where are you going?" Delia asked, putting down the wash cloth she was holding and following the electric Pokemon into the backyard.

Pikachu ran across the lawn and onto a large, cement patio that was set with a table and a bunch of chairs. Prof. Hale was in one of them, looking happier than he had been in weeks.

"Prof. Hale, what are you doing out here this early in the morning?" Delia asked, approaching him. Prof. Hale looked up at her, a huge grin on his face.

"What is it? What happened?" Delia asked. She couldn't help but smile a bit.

"She's going to make it." Prof. Hale said, smiling even wider, which, by now seemed impossible.

"What?" Delia asked, her smile growing wider also.

"I got a call from the hospital. They said she was going to make it after all. They'll be sending her home in a few days if no more problems occur." Prof. Hale said, standing to his feet.

Pikachu jumped onto the table and smiled up at Prof. Hale. Prof. Hale stroked it.

"What's going on?" Delia and Prof. Hale turned and looked toward the back door. Ash, May, Brendan and Molly all stood on the cement in front of the door. Pikachu jumped down from the table and ran over to Ash. It jumped on his shoulder and started chattering away.

"Mom, what's going on?" Ash asked. He was wearing a navy blue shirt with a pair of regular blue jeans.

"Ash, you'll never believe the news!" Delia said, rushing over to her son and embracing him tightly.

"I'm guessing that means the news is good?" May asked. She was wearing a light pink tanktop with a darker pink ruffle skirt. He shoes had been switched to pink sandals with small heels on them. I guess she was a pink fan that day.

"Yes. Very good." Delia said, releasing Ash and turning toward her and the others.

"So what is it?" Brendan asked. He had on plain white t-shirt with black jeans. The black jacket from the day before was placed over the shirt. (It had been dried)

"Well, the hospital called and told Prof. Hale that Mrs. Hale was making an amazing recovery and that they'd let her out in a few days if no more problems occured." Delia said, a huge smile once again spreading over her face.

"Oh, Prof. Hale, that's great!" May said.

"Mom's going to be ok?" Molly asked hopefully. She was wearing a pink sundress with matching sandals. (This girl has a lot of sundresses)

"Yes, Molly. Yes she is." Prof. Hale said, walking over to her and kneeling down in front of her.

"This is so great!" Molly said, embracing her father. Delia turned toward Prof. Hale.

"Ok, we need to go make arrangements and such, so let's go." she said. Prof. Hale nodded and stood up.

"You kids stay out here and find something to do while we clean up and such. And Ash and Brendan, please, no wrestling today. We're going to clean the house, and we don't want you to track dirt inside or have it fall off your clothes onto the floor and such." he said.

"Yes, sir." Ash and Brendan replied in unision. Prof. Hale and Delia then went inside, closing the glass door behind them.

"So, what do we do now?" Brendan asked.

"Well, May and I could rehearse, if you guys wanted to hear it." Ash said.

"You can sing?" Molly asked, surprised. Ash shrugged.

"That's a great idea Ash." May said. "I'll go get the tape."

"How will we listen to it with no stereo?" Brendan asked.

"There's a radio right over there." Molly said, pointing to the patio.

"Be right back." May said, then ran inside. Ash, Brendan and Molly walked over to the patio and sat down in three of the many chairs set up around it. May came back outside and handed the tape to Molly to put in the radio. The slow tune began playing, and Ash and May began singing.


***

That night, Ash packed up his things and put them in his backpack. Pikachu sat on the bed beside him.

"Well, tomorrow buddy, it's back to New Bark Town with Monica and all of the others." he said. He sighed. "Sadly, I'm not looking forward to it." Pikachu gave him a sympathatic pat on the arm.

"Pika. Pika pika pikachu." it said. Ash smiled at it.

"Yeah, you're right. Tomorrow, when we get back to New Bark, we're gonna set 'em all straight." he said. "Hopefully, after that, there won't be any more problems."

jessieneese
21st July 2006, 7:31 PM
Chapter 15: Back in New Bark

The next morning, Ash dragged himself to New Bark High. May was beside him. Both had been up late on the train that carried them from Greenfield back to New Bark.

"I am really in no mood to deal with Tory and the others today." Ash said as they walked up the stairs and into the school.

"Well, Courtney's no walk through a fresh meadow, either." May mumbled, lazily entering the combination into her locker and pulling it open. She took her morning books out and closed the locker. Brendan walked up to them.

"Hey Ash and May. Ready for History?" he asked, leaning up against the locker beside Ash's. Ash started to say something, but Misty and Chad walked up to them, stopping him.

"Hi Ash." Misty said, smiling warmly at him.

"Hey Misty. Hey Chad." Ash replied, trying to return Misty's smile.

"So, you been practicing for the musical?" Misty asked.

"Yeah. We've been practicing almost every night. You?" Ash asked.

"Same. I just wanted to wish you luck in the musical. Not that you have any chance of beating us. Oh, and there's another meeting in the auditorium today after school." Misty replied. Ash was annoyed by her rude remark toward himself and May.

"Thanks." he said flatly. Misty walked off, Chad close behind her.

"That was sort of uncalled for, don't you think?" May asked.

"Yeah. She had no right to say that about yall. She doesn't even know what you sound like." Brendan added. Ash shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. We'll just see who's better at the musical." he said, opening his locker and taking his books out.

Just then, Tory, Tracey and Brock walked by. Ash accidentally slammed the locker door when he closed it.

"Hey Ash, aren't you late for musical rehearsals?" Tory asked in a mocking tone.

"No, but I think you're late for a-" Ash started to say something, but Brendan grabbed his shoulder, restraining him. "Let me go." Ash growled at him.

"No Ash. Pounding them into the ground isn't the answer." Brendan replied. Ash took a deep breath.

"Alright, fine. Be that way. But if we're not fully cooperative with each other on Friday, we're going to lose, no matter how good we are." he said to Tory and the others. Then, he broke free from Brendan's grasp and went down the hall.

"Ash, wait!" May cried, running after him. Brendan turned to Tory.

"You know, he's right. The real reason we win all of those battles is because we cooperate with each other. Without cooperation, we're going down. And we're going down fast." he said. Then, he turned and walked off. Tory thought for a minute. Was he taking this too far? What if Ash and Brendan were right? He sighed.

"I guess they're right." he admitted. "It doesn't matter what group you're in, or what clique you hang out with. We're all the same, just like Ash said. I guess we'd better find him and apologize." Tracey and Brock nodded. "Let's go." Tory said, walking down the hall.


***

Later that day, at lunch, Tory, Brock and Tracey approached Ash, Brendan and May as they were eating. They slid into the seat across from them. Tory started.

"Look, Ash I'm sorry. You're right. We're all the same, no matter what clique we hang out with or what group we're in. Even if you don't forgive me, I'll still be there for you all the way. We all will." he said. Ash looked up.

"It's ok. I know me signing up for a musical must have been pretty surprising. I'm glad you finally realized what I was saying." he replied.

"Yeah. So am I." Tory said. Ash looked up at the clock.

"Gotta go. See you guys later." he said. "C'mon May!" He got up and ran out the cafeteria door, May at his heels.


***

In the drama club meeting, Ash and May met up with Misty and Chad again.

"Glad you didn't forget about this." Misty said, sitting in a seat on the front row. The seat just happened to be in front of Ash's. Chad was sitting in front of May.

"Don't worry. We never forget about Drama Club meetings." Ash said as Pikachu climbed into his lap and layed down.

"That's good. Because if you miss a meeting, Ms. Hotaru might kick you out of the Drama Club." Misty warned.

"Tch, yeah right." Ash said.

"Yeah. Right. I've seen it happen before." Misty told him.

"Are you sure it wasn't you that it happened to?" Ash asked sarcastically.

"I've never been kicked out of anything, let alone the Drama Club." Misty snapped, then turned around.

"Ash, don't you think that was a little uncalled for?" May asked.

"At least it shut her up." Ash replied.

"Ash, why are you acting like this all of a sudden?" May asked.

"I'm sick of people teasing me and mocking me because I joined the Drama Club. Just because I'm in some musical doesn't mean I'm not the Ash Ketchum everyone used to know. They think they can just run over me now, but I'm not gonna let that happen." Ash replied.

Ms. Hotaru walked into the room.

"Ok students, quiet down. We need to continue preparing the stage for this Friday's musical, so chop, chop! Let's go!" She ushered everyone backstage and assigned everyone a job that involved setting up the props.

Ash sighed as she handed him a large paint brush and a bucket of red paint.

"Please finish painting the red parts into the background of Misty and Chad's stage props." Ms. Hotaru instructed. She threw a white jacket/apron looking thing over his head. Ash pulled his arms through it and dipped the paintbrush into the paint. This was going to be one long afternoon.
____________________
Ok, hopefully that was longer than my previous chapters. Everyone, please tell me what you think!

Flashfire
22nd July 2006, 5:36 AM
Pokemon and HSM...hmm? Pretty good so far, except, could you try to change it up a bit? Like instead of "said" have the character "exclaim" something? That's getting real dull. So far though, decent fic.

UltaFlame
22nd July 2006, 8:06 AM
i realy liked tis EVEN THOUGH i never saw the movie i haven't even heard of it before now.

on a different note not all people get suddenly better or watever after readin just one commment or readin 1 forum and i'm not going to use a name but acertain reviewer always makes me fell like someone shot a bullet threw my heart when i read them i like the way i write and i noticed something everytime the reviewer reviews a fic it always has a mainly negative side and apparently i got a special 'saying' from him/her it's something like "half ***ed". and unmentioned person deliberatly said "i dont care if i come over as mean"

jessieneese
22nd July 2006, 11:36 PM
i realy liked tis EVEN THOUGH i never saw the movie i haven't even heard of it before now.

on a different note not all people get suddenly better or watever after readin just one commment or readin 1 forum and i'm not going to use a name but acertain reviewer always makes me fell like someone shot a bullet threw my heart when i read them i like the way i write and i noticed something everytime the reviewer reviews a fic it always has a mainly negative side and apparently i got a special 'saying' from him/her it's something like "half ***ed". and unmentioned person deliberatly said "i dont care if i come over as mean"

Yeah, that same unmentioned person reviewed here. I felt the same way at first, but then I realized that behind all of that critisism, they're actually trying to help you get better. They may not have the nicest way of saying it, but they're really just trying to help.

The best thing to do, I guess, is to read what they say, take a minute to let the reasonably helpful parts sink in, and then try to improve. Trust me, I've been critisized so much it made my head spin. I don't think I've improved that much, and they probably don't either, but, at least I'm trying. Every chapter I write that's not unusually short takes at least a hour to write everyday, so you can't really say I'm making an attempt at a "half ***ed" fic. I may not be that great at descritpion and such, but at least I don't only spend like 10 minutes or less on my fic like some begginers do.

UltaFlame
25th July 2006, 3:06 AM
i am not so sure i agree with him or hers intention being helpful i mean everytime i go into a fic that is of someone who HASN'T been on for only a few day/weeks or a month (and almost noticed unsaid persons favorite thing to go on about in one or two description) so i think he or she watever is just trying to start a flame war between the newbies

i can't wait for the next part to be up

EDIT: *goes into a state of hyperactcity and insanitry for no real rewasona at all and out of nowhere summons a ballistic missile launcher and fires it at no destinaton whatsoever missile heads into outerspace and blows up a comet that just randomly appeared hurray hyperactivity induced insanity induced randomness*

(if you didn't notice i'm unhealthily hyper

jessieneese
25th July 2006, 8:47 PM
Chapter 16: Another tragedy

Later that day, Ash was in the upstairs bathroom of Prof. Elm's house, scrubbing red paint off of his face with a rag. (He still didn't refer to Prof. Elm's house as 'home' yet. Even if he is going to be there a year almost)

There was a soft knock on the door.

"What is it?" Ash asked while still scrubbing his face. His voice came out muffled by both the door and the rag over his face.

"Say that again?" Monica's voice came through the door. Ash took the rag away from his face.

"I said, what is it?" he replied.

"Oh. I was just wondering why the bathroom light was on. You've been in there for like an hour. What are you doing?" Monica asked.

"Scrubbin' paint from my face. Any other questions?" Ash asked, resuming his activity from before.

"Nope. I'm gonna be out really late tonight. Don't come looking for me, okay?" Monica said.

Why would I want to? Ash thought to himself. "But it's a school night."

"So? There's no adults around to tell us what to do and what not to do. Why not have a little fun?" Monica replied. After that, it became quiet. Ash threw the rag onto a small hook above the sink and walked out of the bathroom. The faint sound of the front door closing could be heard downstairs. May walked down the hall and up in front of Ash.

"Why is your face so red?" she asked.

"I had a hard time scrubbing that paint from my face." Ash replied.

"There's a thing called soap. You should try it." May said, laughing. Ash made a face at her. This made her laugh harder. "That boy sure did get routy with the paint." she said.

"Yeah. A little too routy. It's going to take forever to get these stains out of my jeans." Ash said, looking down at his paint-stained jeans.

"I thought that apron thingy covered your whole body." May said.

"Nope. Only to my knees." Ash replied. He walked down the hall and into his room. He searched through his closet and found a pair of regular blue jeans. He slid his shoes off and changed into them. A few minutes later, he went to the laundry room downstairs and threw the paint-stained jeans into the washer. After putting all the necessary things in, he started it. Pikachu scampered up behind him.

"Pika pika pika chu pi?" it asked. Ash looked down at it and nodded.

"Sure, why not?" he replied with a smile. He pulled his phone from his belt and dialed in a few numbers. Brendan's voice came over the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hey Brendan. Did you want to have any practice battles today?" Ash asked.

"Um..actually yes. I was just about to call you to ask about it." Brendan replied.

"Ok. You want me to come over now? Or wait til later?" Ash asked.

"Uh, we can't practice at my house today. My parents are back, and they need the basement for something. Meet me in the field?" Brendan replied.

"Ok..see you there." Ash answered slowly. He hung up and clipped the phone back to his belt. May came down into the laundry room.

"Hey Ash. You goin' somewhere?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm going to the field a few feet behind the house to practice with Brendan. You wanna come?" Ash replied. He suddenly noticed the sad expression on May's face. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." May replied. She quickly lost the expression. She tried her best to look happy and normal, but Ash could see right through it.

"Come on, May. I know something's wrong. What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing. I'm gonna stay behind this time. See you when you get back." May replied. Then, she turned and walked back up the small set of stair leading into the kitchen. Ash looked down at Pikachu.

"Something's wrong. I should try and find out what it is." he said. Piakchu scurried up his body and onto his shoulder. Ash heard the front door open and close. He ran up the small set of stairs and into the kitchen. Making his way through the living room he glanced up the stairs. If May had gone upstairs, she wouldn't have gotten that far by now. Ash ran through the living room and out the front door.

The bright afternoon sun shined brightly in his face. He held his hand above his eyes, shielding them from the blinding sun.

"May!" he called out. He spotted her walking across the tall, weed-like grass in front of the house. "May!" he called out once again. He ran and caught up with her. "May....what's....wrong....?" he asked between gasps for breath.

"Ash, I told you, nothing!" May answered. Her voice cracked. Ash knew that sound. A person's voice only cracked if they were crying or really scared. He put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

"Come on May. Please tell me what's wrong." he pleaded. May finally turned around and faced him. Her eyes were red, suggesting she had been crying, and her face was tear-stricken.

"It's my mom." she said, half whisper, half regular voice.

"What about your mom?" Ash asked.

"She-she's really sick. Like Mrs. Hale was. Dad said he didn't think she was going to make it." May answered. Ash bit his lip. Obviously, there was a virus or something going around, and it was contagious.

"I'm gonna call Brendan." he said softly. He took his cell phone from his belt. Right as he was about to dial Brendan's number, the phone rang. Ash answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ash. My dad's really sick. My mom doesn't want me to catch it, so she wants me to come over to your house while she takes care of him. That ok?" Brendan asked from the other end.

"Uh, sure." Ash replied.

"Great. Thanks." Brendan said, then hung up. Ash put the phone back on his belt and turned to May.

"Come on. Let's get back in the house before you catch a cold." he said, putting an arm around May's shoulders and leading her back inside the house.

A few minutes later, Brendan knocked on Ash's front door. Ash yelled for him to come in. Brendan came through the door and walked into the living room. Ash and May were sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"So, what's up with your dad?" Ash asked as Brendan sat down in a chair.

"He's really, really sick. Mom was wanting to take him to the hospital." Brendan replied. Ash heard something in Brendan's voice that he hadn't heard in a long time - fear.

"Yeah, the same thing's going on with May's mom." he said, looking over at May, who had fallen asleep on the couch. Ash picked up a blanket from on top of the back of the couch and layed it across her. He sighed.

"It looks like everyone's coming down with some kind of virus." he said.

"Yeah. From what I know, it's pretty contagious. That's why my mom made me come over here. She must not be worried about herself." Brendan said. Pikachu jumped up onto Ash's lap and curled up into a ball. Ash stroked its fur.

"I hope they're all gonna be ok." he said.

angel_fire101
27th July 2006, 7:38 PM
Great chapter. It sort of revealed Ash's sensitive side. And a little of his feelings toward May. Great kob! Keep up the good work!

Zephyr Flare
27th July 2006, 10:20 PM
Man a crapload of these "Reviews" are happy little spam peices aren;t they? If you can;t be bothered to show any relevence to the fic then why the hell are you posting?

"Good chapter, can't wait for more"

That's the heavy load of the posts, useless, pointless and damn annoying to delete so do stop.

These "long" chapters are actually rather short by most standards and there is this inkling that all critque isn;t being used to it's full, heck you've already pulled a defending flamer. I do admit thouugh you took her lot betetr than most people I end up dealing with which is nice.

Keep striving to improve, ignore the idiots all too happy to improve their post counts and continue.


Sandra

jessieneese
6th August 2006, 2:04 AM
Chapter 17: In sickness and in health

Ash woke up drearily the next morning. All of them had fallen asleep in the living room. Brendan was asleep in the big chair on the right side of the couch Ash was lying on, May was still asleep on the other end of the couch and Pikachu was curled up beside Ash on the couch. Ash glanced at the clock on the wall. 7:50. Yikes! They were all going to be late for school!

"May! Brendan! Wake up!" Ash said, jumping up from the couch. Brendan sat up right and May's eyes shot open. Pikachu fell off the couch.


"What is it, Ash?" Brendan asked, rubbing his eyes.

"We're going to be late for school!" Ash said, picking Pikachu up off the ground.

"What? Late?" Brendan asked, jumping up from the chair. Ash nodded and headed toward the kitchen to get his pants from the dryer. (He had put them in the night before.)

May threw the blanket off of her and stood up. She slid her shoes on and grabbed her backpack. Brendan did the same.

"Ash, let's go!" both of them called into the kitchen. Ash ran out of the laundry room, slipped his shoes on and grabbed his backpack. He was wearing his usual teal blue pants again. Pikachu jumped on his shoulder as the trio ran out the door and toward New Bark High.


***

"Ash, this is the third time I've caught you dozing off in my class. One more time, and you're going to te principal's office." Ms. Hotaru yelled at Ash in History class. Ash sat upright and looked up at his teacher.

"I'm sorry ma'am." he said softly. Ms. Hotaru turned around and started giving the class a lecture about sleeping in class.

Later that day, at lunch, Brendan tapped on Ash's shoulder.

"C'mon man. Quit dozing off. What's wrong with you today?" he said. Ash forced his tired eyes open and looked at Brendan.

"I don't know. I'm just really - " Ash was cut off by a yawn. "-tired." he finished when his yawn was over.

"Ash, your eyes look glassy. Are you sure you're feeling ok?" May asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Ash replied. When the trio sat down to eat lunch, though, Ash hardly even ate. He just pushed his food around on his tray. Before long, the shrill school bell rang, signaling the end of lunch and the beggining of a drama club meeting for Ash and May.

"Ash, May, please have a seat over here." Ms. Hotaru instructed as they walked into the auditorium. Ash and May sat where she pointed.

"Ok, as you all know, the Winter Musical will be held this Friday at 2:00 p.m. That's two days from now. I trust you have all been practicing hard and will be ready to give an outstanding performance." Ms. Hotaru said. Ash hid a yawn behind his hand. Why was he so tired? Misty turned around in the seat that was in front of Ash.

"Tired, huh? I hope you're not tired like that on Friday. It might ruin your performance. We wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?" she said in a sarcastic voice. Ash gritted his teeth as she turned back around. That girl could be so annoying!


***

That night, Ash, May and Brendan were in Prof. Elm's living room, watching TV. (Remember, Ash doesn't call Prof. Elm's house home yet.) Well, at least May and Brendan were watching TV. Ash was busy flipping through a book on sicknesses. He looked up the virus that Brendan's father and May's mother had and looked at the symptoms. He wanted to be able to spot them if one of his friends came down with it.

"Ash, what are you doing?" Brendan asked, looking at the book Ash was reading.

"I'm reading up on that virus that's going around. If someone catches it, I want to be able to know that they have it." Ash replied.

"So, what are the symptoms?" May asked, leaning over to look at the book.

"Um, sudden tiredness; the person yawns a lot, glassy eyes, coughing frequently, and sudden change in attitude; the person suddenly becomes less enthusiastic, and loss of appetite." Ash read aloud. May and Brendan exchanged looks.

"Ash?" Brendan asked.

"Yeah?" Ash replied.

"Weren't you really tired today and yawned a lot?" Brendan asked. Ash nodded. "And May said your eyes were glassy."

"Yeah and you were less enthusiastic today. You were just dull and emotionless." May added.

"And you hardly ate a thing at lunch." Brendan piped up.

"Oh no." Ash said, glancing at the book. "Guys, I'm coming down with the virus!"

UltaFlame
6th August 2006, 6:01 AM
on noez! ash got it!

anyway when you said that was reading a book on sicknesses you said 'a book a sicknesess' it was a typo probably.

also shoulda been longer you could have made tomorrow wherew ash goes to the nurses at school about it and stuff that would've solved part of the length issue.

anyway still good needed to be longer and a typo spotted but other than that still as good as ever so keep it up and improve you don't need to alot but theres always room for improvement!

jessieneese
6th August 2006, 5:41 PM
Oops! I see the typo you were talking about, UltraFlame. I'll go back and fix that later.

In the meantime, here's the next chapter!
_______________________
Chapter 18: That sick feeling

"What? There's no way! You haven't even been around anyone who has it!" Brendan cried.

"Brendan, chill. There's a cure right here. Obviously, Prof. Hale doesn't have this book, or he would've found the cure when Mrs. Hale got sick." Ash replied calmly.

"Well, what does it say?" May asked impatiently.

"Um, it says to go to a natural herb store and look for the mixture labeled "Magnolium Cure." That must be the name of the virus." Ash answered. (The name Magnolium just came off the top of my head. Had to think of something!)

"Well, what time is it? Maybe we can go find the store and get the cure before it's too late." Brendan said. May looked at the clock.

"It's 8:50. Ash, does it say anything about where the store is located?" May asked.

"Yeah. Just outside of New Bark." Ash replied. "It even gives us the phone number."

"What would we need the phone number for?" Brendan asked.

"To call and ask when they close. Duh!" May replied. Brendan stuck his tongue out at her. He turned to Ash.

"I'll call them. Just give me the phone number." he said, taking his cell phone out.

"Ok. 845-9320." Ash replied, saying the phone number slowly so Brendan could dial it.

A few seconds later, Brendan started talking into the phone.

"Hi, this is Brendan Stone. A friend of mine has come down with the Magnolium virus, and we just read up on the cure for it and found out that your herb store has a mixture called Magnolium Cure...yes. Yes it's the contagious one. How late does your store stay open?...Really? Ok, we'll come by in a few minutes. Ok. Bye." Brendan hung up.

"So, how late do they stay open?" Ash questioned.

"They stay open until 10:00, and the man on the phone said they were having a sale on the Magnolium Cure mixtures, since the virus seems to be so contagious and everyone's catching it." Brendan replied, a smile spreading across his face.

"Awesome! Let's go then!" May said, getting up off the couch. Brendan got up soon after, and Ash got up slowly. He layed the book down on the couch and followed the others out the door, Pikachu at his heels.


***

Not long after, the trio arrived at the Natural Herb store located a few miles away from New Bark Town. Once inside, they saw a small room filled with all kinds of different herb mixtures sitting on shelves that went all around the room. A small, brown counter was placed across the room, and a chubby man was standing behind it.

"Oh, hello. You must be Brendan Stone and his friends. Nice to meet you. Now, I understand one of you has the Magnolium Virus." the man said. He was talking to Ash.

"Um, actually he's Brendan Stone, and yes, one of us has the virus." Ash replied.

"Is it you?" the man asked. Ash looked surprised.

"How could you tell?" he asked.

"Well, your eyes are sort of glassy, and you look unusually tired; two of the symptoms." the chubby man replied. He turned to Brendan. "The Magnolium Cure is right over here." he said, walking out from behind the counter and over to one of the many shelves on the right hand side of the store. He pulled a red and white bottle down from one of th shelves and held it out to Ash. "One bottle cures it all in a matter of time." he said with a smile.

"Thank you, sir." Ash said, taking the bottle from the man's hands. "Um, can we have two more bottles?"

"Why would you want two more? One will cure you in just a couple of days." the man replied.

"Well, two more people are really, really sick with this same virus, and I'd like to get a bottle for each of them, so they don't have to suffer through it while I get better." Ash replied. Immedietly, Brendan and May knew who Ash was talking about.

"Such a caring young man." the man mumbled to himself as he pulled two more bottles from the shelf and handed them to Ash. He turned and walked back to the counter, Ash and the others close behind him. The man began pressing buttons on a small cash register in the corner of the counter.

"$12.95." he said, looking up at Ash, Brendan and May.

"Wow. That is cheap." Ash said as he pulled thirteen dollars out of his jacket pocket and handed it to the man.

"Five cents is your change. Please come again!" the man said, handing Ash a nickel.

I don't intend to, Ash thought to himself as he thanked the man and led the others out the door. Hopefully, no one else would get sick with this virus.


***

"Ugh! This stuff tastes awful!" Ash exclaimed, sticking his tongue out.

"Come on, Ash. You have to take it. There's just one spoonful left." Brendan said, handing a spoonful of yellow liquid to Ash. Ash groaned and took the spoon from Brendan. After gulping it down and gagging a couple of times, he put the spoon into the sink. Brendan threw away the red and white bottle and turned back to Ash. May walked into the room.

"Ash, thank you for getting a bottle for my mom." she said.

"And my dad." Brendan added.

"Ah, no problem." Ash said, gulping down a few mouthfuls of water to get the nasty taste from the medicine out of his mouth. Brendan glanced at the clock.

"We'd better get to bed guys. It's pretty late. We don't want to sleep in tomorrow." he said.

"Yeah, you're right." Ash said as he drank the last of the water in his glass and putting it in the sink. "Ugh, the taste's still there." May and Brendan laughed and walked out of the kitchen. Ash followed.

Hopefully, this stuff would work and he'd be cured. Then, tomorrow, they could give some medicine to May's mother and Brendan's father, and all of their problems would be over. But, they wouldn't know that until a few days from now, when the medicine was supposed to take effect.

UltaFlame
6th August 2006, 6:08 PM
oh no! the guy who works at the store works for team rocket
! methinks so atleast! anyway still a length problem... but your doing great! keep improving and make sure o have it be longer! maybe you could have put the last two chappies together (thats what i think) so whatever you choose i will be along wit this glad you finally put some new chappies up!

soul of legonds
8th August 2006, 2:23 AM
Yes, Yes very good. the chapters were short(not that i do any beter) but you got the point across. I will wait before making any gusses.

jessieneese
9th August 2006, 6:50 PM
Thanks for the comments. Oh, and UltraFlame, here's an answer to your theory about the man in the store being a Team Rocket member. It might spoil one of the upcoming chapters, so I made it a spoiler.

The guy from the store does not work for Team Rocket, but Team Rocket will appear in the store in one of my later chapters.

Next chapter, ahoy!
_______________________
Chapter 19: The Magnolium problem

The next day, Ash, May and Brendan were all up in time not to have to rush around the room like the day before.

"Brendan, May, since we've got like half an hour until school starts, why don't we head over to your houses and give your parents the medicine now? I don't think I can go all through the school day worrying about them." Ash asked when they were all heading out the front door.

"Sure. Sounds good. My house is pretty far away, though. At least to go to before school starts." May replied.

"Ah, we'll make it in time. That is, if we go right now." Ash said, walking outside. May and Brendan followed close behind him.

It was unusually cold out that day. The sky was snow white, and looked as if snow could fall out of it at any moment. A chilly breeze was blowing through the fields, causing the tall grass and weed-like plants to sway back and forth as if they were doing some crazy dance. Pikachu shivered on Ash's shoulder. Ash took it down and held it in both arms against his chest. The warmth from Ash's body caused Pikachu to stop shivering. All three humans were wearing a coat. Ash's was blue, Brendan's was green and May's was pink.

Not too long after they'd set out, Brendan's house came into view. Brendan took the lead and led Ash and May to the front door. He knocked on it sharply, even though it was his home. A blonde headed woman with blue eyes like Brendan's answered the door. She looked down at the three teenagers standing at her door.

"What is it, Brendan? I'm taking care of your father right now." she said.

"Mom, Ash, May and I went out to the Natural Herb store last night and bought some medicine for that virus that Dad has. It's supposed to take effect and cure the person within a couple of days." Brendan replied, taking one of the red and white bottles from the store out of his coat pocket. His mother took it from him and examined it.

"Well, thank you Brendan. And thank you, uh.."

"Ash and May." Brendan said.

"Yes, thank you Ash and May." Brendan's mother said. She then shut the door.

"Ok, let's get to your house, May." Ash said. May nodded.

"C'mon. I'll show you the way." she said, walking out toward another field.


***

A couple of minutes later, May had led Ash and Brendan to a small, wooden house in the middle of a large, empty field. She knocked on the door. A boy with bluish-black hair answered the door.

"Oh, hey May. Dad's still treating Mom in the living room. Do you need anything?" the boy asked in a sweet voice.

"Yeah. Last night, Ash, Brendan and I went out to a Natural Herb store and bought some medicine for the virus Mom has. Could you tell Dad to give it to her? It's supposed to take effect in a just a couple of days." May replied, holding out the last red and white bottle to her little brother.

"Sure. I'll see you later. Bye!" the boy said, then shut the door.

"I'm guessing that was Max?" Ash asked. May nodded.

"He's usually a real pain, but ever since Mom got sick, he's been acting all sweet and loving. I don't know why." she replied. Brendan glanced at his watch.

"Guys, we've got 10 minutes to get back to New Bark and into school!" he exclaimed, showing them his watch.

"Why does the morning always have to start like this?" Ash mumbled, turning and running back through the field and toward New Bark Town, Brendan and May at his heels.


***

A few minutes later, Ash was sitting in History, listening to Ms. Hotaru give a lecture about being on time. He suddenly started feeling drowsy. He forced his eyes back open and tried to pay attention to what Ms Hotaru was saying. There was a tap on his shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. He turned around.

"Jumpy much?" Brendan asked while smiling slightly. Ash rolled his eyes and turned back around in his seat, only to feel someone tap on his left shoulder, causing him to jump again. He turned to see who had tapped him, and saw Courtney, Monica, and a bunch of other girls giggling quietly.

Brendan leaned forward and whispered, "There's something on your left shoulder." Ash looked down at his shoulder. A piece of paper was taped to it. It said, "Hit Me". Ash rolled his eyes and ripped it off. He kept it in his hand until after class, when Courtney, Monica and all of the other girls walked up to him at his locker. Before they could say anything, Ash started.

"Look, I'm tired of you stupid little pranks, alright? Why don't you just back off and leave me alone?" he asked angrily through gritted teeth. Courtney smirked.

"What if we don't want to?" she asked smugly.

"Well, then let me assure you, this school year's not gonna be all happy and merry like you expect it to be. One day, someone's gonna get you back for all of the stuff you've done to us. And trust me, it's not gonna be pleasent." Ash replied.

"What, are you threatening us?" Courtney asked, taking an intimidating step toward Ash. She did this because she was quite taller than Ash, and she sort of towered over him. Ash wasn't intimidated in the least.

"Maybe, maybe not." he said, opening his hand where the note hung off his palm by the piece of tape. He took the note off of his hand and stuck it on Courtney's forehead. All of the other girls gasped. "Have a nice day." he said mockingly, then walked off. Brendan, who had seen the whole thing from the doorway of the History room, ran to catch up to him, May right behind him.

"Whoa, what was that all about?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've never seen anybody stand up to Courtney like that." May added.

"I told you, I'm sick and tired of people thinking they can just run over me. I'm gonna put a stop to it." Ash said, not even glancing up at them. May and Brendan exchanged looks.

"Ash, are you sure about that?" Brendan asked.

"Positive." Ash replied as he walked through the cafeteria doors.


***

That night, May walked up the stairs and knocked on Ash's bedroom door softly.

"Ash? Are you in there?" she asked. When there was no answer, she opened the door and stepped inside. Ash had fallen asleep at his desk. May walked over to him and gently put a hand on his back, shaking him to wake him up. Ash slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Just seeing if you were hungry or anything. Brendan called in and ordered some pizza incase you are." May replied, removing her hand from his back.

"Thanks. I'll be down in a minute." Ash said. Pikachu had fallen asleep on the desk beside him. Ash stood up and gently shook it awake. It looked up at him.

"Pika pi?" it asked.

"You hungry, buddy?" Ash asked.

"Pika!" Pikachu exclaimed, jumping to its feet. Ash laughed.

"Alright then. Come on." he said, leading the way out the door.

On the way downstairs, Ash almost ran into Monica. She glared at him and threw him a dirty look.

"You know, what you said to Courtney today made her very angry. I'm sure you don't want that." she said.

"I don't really care. I'm not scared of her anymore. You, either. It doesn't matter to me if she's mad. That's her problem. Maybe she shouldn't go around teasing people and sticking signs on them." Ash replied, then went down the stairs, leaving Monica shaking with anger.

UltaFlame
9th August 2006, 8:52 PM
good but still a length problem... maybe you should have shown some other parts of school. and is ash still sick? cuz it doesn't seem so...

you definitelyt should've made ash appear sick if he still is cuz at the end of the lst chapter you said supposed to work... and you said it was only the day after...

other than those points good chapter! an i was first to review!

jessieneese
9th August 2006, 9:11 PM
Yes, Ash is still sick. That's why he appeared tired in History class and also why he fell asleep at the desk in his room when May woke him up at the end of the chapter. The other symptoms haven't taken effect yet, so the only thing that's getting to him at the moment is tiredness.

angel_fire101
9th August 2006, 9:17 PM
Ooh, Ash blew up on Courtney. Go Ash! I thought it was funny when he stuck that sign on her forehead and walked off. Is that one of the sickness symptoms, or has he really had enough?

If so, Courtney better look out. Ash'll get her. ^_^

UltaFlame
9th August 2006, 9:40 PM
or someone else... anyway i'm curious as to why you vsaid inthe other chapter that ash had glassy eyes and all that? and length is a problem here... eh i have a bad point as well description... yeah just try to make it seem hes remotly as sick as he was in the other chapter...

soul of legonds
10th August 2006, 10:36 PM
length is your magor problem right now, but you could do good to expsnde on the other carctors in the story. and give a bit more deapth to some of the carecters, some apper shallow. but in other aspect your getting better.

jessieneese
11th August 2006, 3:57 AM
Thanks for the comments (and advice). I'll try to make this chapter longer and put a little more into the characters. If I mess up in some area, I wouldn't mind anyone giving me a few pointers if they want to. (Like how to lift my characters out of their shallowness.)

Anyway, here's the next chapter.
___________________

Chapter 20: The big day (Part one)

The next day, Ash, May and Brendan were up and at school on time. There were two reasons for this. One: The Winter Musical was held that day, and two: the big battle for Ash and his others teammates was also that day. So, in other words, this was a HUGE day for Ash. He had to participate in a musical, and a big battle. And, of all the rotten luck, he was still sick. The glassiness had come back to his eyes, and he was more tired than ever. He had also started coughing, which was bad for his voice.

In History, Ash was yelled at once again for dozing off in class. Someone tapped on his right shoulder. Ash turned to look at May.

"Are you sure you want to do the musical today? I can always ask Ms. Hotaru to reschedule it." she whispered. Ash shook his head.

"No. We've waited too long for this. I'm not gonna let a little coughing and tiredness cause me to back out that easily." Ash replied.

"Mr. Ketchum, since you insist on talking at the moment, perhaps you can tell me the answer to the question I just asked." Ms. Hotaru's voice boomed across the room as if she were right by Ash's ear. Ash turned and looked up at his teacher. "How did the Pokemon Anorith, Lileep, Cradily and Armaldo all become extinct?" Ms. Hotaru asked him.

"Um, the island they used to dwell on became isolated from the rest of the land, which cut them off from food and the other things that they needed to survive, causing them to almost become extinct." Ash replied. Everyone stared at Ash in surprise. He had never volunteered to answer any questions Ms. Hotaru asked, so they had all assumed he was dumb or stupid. But, he was actually smart.

"Very good. I see you figured out that was a trick question. Anorith, Lileep, Cradily and Armaldo are not extinct yet. Some of them still dwell on a lone island a few miles away from Mosdeep Island. Ash, would you care to tell us the name of that island?" Ms. Hotaru said.

"Wales Island." Ash answered. Ms. Hotaru nodded. She went over to the board at the front of the room and pulled down a map of the Hoenn Region.

"See class, Wales Island is located right here. Of course, we're in the Johto Region, so it's pretty far from here, but if you were to go to the Hoenn Region and surf the waters a few miles away from Mosdeep, you would find this small island and possibly one of these endangered Pokemon." she stated.


***

At lunch that day, Ash didn't bother to check out the lunchline. He went straight to a table near the middle of the cafeteria and rested his head in his hands. After grabbing some lunch, Tory, Tracey and Brock joined him. May and Brendan were still caught in the line.

"So Ash, ready for the big battle today?" Tory asked as he sat across from Ash, Brock and Tracey on either side of him.

"Yeah. With all of the practice we've been putting in, we'll definetly win." Ash replied with fake enthusiasm. Tory noticed that Ash wasn't feeling the way he was acting.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Ash glanced up. Tory noticed he was looking paler than usual. "Ash, are you sick?" he asked. Ash coughed a few times.

"Yeah, but only a little. It's nothing, really." he replied. Brendan and May sat down on either side of Ash. May also noticed Ash was looking pale.

"Ash, are you sure you're feeling alright? Like I said, I can always ask Ms. Hotaru to reschedule the musical." she said.

"And I told you, I'm not backing down from something that we've been preparing for all this time. The same with the battle. I'm not gonna let you guys down." Ash replied. May felt a rush of nervousness. As did Tory and all of the others. They were all thinking the same thing: Is Ash pushing himself too hard? "Guys, don't worry. I'm not pushing myself too hard." Ash seemed to read their minds. "I'm fine, really. Just forget about it, ok?"

Everyone nodded, but deep down, none of them believed Ash, and they weren't going to forget about it.


***

Two hours later, Ash and May stood backstage in the auditorium, looking around at all of the props and costumes the littered the floor. Ash had gained some color back into his face, but his eyes were still glassy and he coughed every now and again. May was still worried about him, but with how much he had insisted on going through with the musical, she had finally given in.

"Hey guys. Why aren't you in costume?" Ash and May both whirled around. Misty and Chad stood behind them. Misty was wearing a blue dress that was regular velvet with silver sequins from the waist up, but turned into a bunch of feathers at the bottom. The dress only came down to a little above her knees in the front, and a little below them in the back. Her red hair was pulled up into a short ponytail and had a Hawaiian-lookin red and white flower on the left side. Blue earrings that dangled down in silver lines with a blue water drop looking thing hung from her ears and were long enough to touch her shoulders. She had three silver dot sequins at the corner of each eye and bright red lipstick on. Her shoes were silver high heels that looked a little like sandals. A matching blue headset microphone with silver sequins on it completed the look.

Ash raised his eyebrows when he saw her. Misty had never dressed this way for anything, and it was quite a surprise to see her dressed this way. Chad, however, looking plain and normal compared to her. He had a white dress shirt with black swirly designs on it and a pair of brown dress pants with black dress shoes. On his head there was a black hat with a white stripe encircling it. A black headset microphone completed his look.

"We don't wear costumes." Ash replied, holding back a yawn. Misty rolled her eyes.

"Well, I hope your singing makes up for what you lack in looks." she said smugly. Then, she turned away and walked toward the velvet curtain that separated them from the stage. "Wow. A lot of people came this year. There's way more out there than last year." she said, peeking out through the curtain.

"Probably because one of the most popular students in the school is going to sing this year." Chad said. Misty whirled around and glared at him.

Suddenly, Ms. Hotaru's voice could be heard over the speakers that were placed up against the walls. "Hello everyone and welcome to New Bark High's Winter Musical. I hope all of you will enjoy yourselves as well as the brilliant performance that the students have prepared." Ash didn't listen to what else was being said. He was too busy watching some of the drama club members set up Misty and Chad's props. A big, red setting was stood up. He had all kinds of different designs on it and sparkled whenever the stage lights shined on it. It was going to look great with all of those lights shining on it once the curtain opened.

Ms. Hotaru finished her speech and came backstage.

"Alright, Ash, May. You two step back a little so you won't be visible during Misty and Chad's performance. Ash and May did as they were told and stepped back until she told them to stop. Ash could see Chad standing on the other side of the stage, hands on his hips and tapping his foot with a mixture of nervousness and impatience.

Ms. Hotaru stepped back onstage.

"Now, please put your hands together for Misty and Chad!" she cried out. Ash and May had moved to the wall that was near the stage, but not on the stage, so they could see the performance from the audience's viewpoint. All of the lights except for a few dimmed down or cut off, leaving most of them shining on the stage.

A salsa-like tune began playing, and Chad half ran, half jumped or bounded onto the stage.

"Mucho gusto." he said in a voice that was a mixture of a Spanish accent and a deep man's voice.Then, Misty ran onto the stage as if she were in a hurry and made a gesture like she was fixing her hair; all part of the song.

"Ay, que fabulosa!" she said, also in a SPanish accent, and a fake voice. Chad trilled (or made a high pitched sound while rolling his tongue, whichever you want to call it)

"Ay, ay, ay."Misty continued the Spanish act.

"Arrrrriba!" Chad cried, rolling his tongue as he did it.

"Quieres bailar?" Misty asked, half singing, half talking.

"Mirame" Chad replied, still using his deep, Spanish accent.

"I believe in dreaming and shooting for the stars" Misty finally started singing. The way she was moving and dancing caused Ash to open his mouth a little in surprise. He had never seen Misty act or dance like this before.

"Baby, to be number one,
you've got to raise the bar" Chad sang, acting a similar way.

"Kickin' and a scratchin'
grindin' out my best" Misty sang.

"Anything it takes to climb the ladder of success

Work our tails off everday
we gotta bump the competition
blow them all away" At this, Misty put a hand to her mouth and petended to blow at Chad. Chad bounded across the stage, as if she really had, then came dancing back to her.

"Cariente

"Suave" Misty ruffled the feathers on her dress as Chad arrived beside her again.

"Yeah we're gonna
Bop, bop bop
bop to the top
Slip n' slide n' ride that rhythm
Jump and pop
hop til we drop
And start again
Zip, zap, zop
pop like a mop
Scoot around the corner
Mover it to the groove
til the music stops
do the bop, bop bop
to the top
don't ever stop
bop to the top
Gimme, gimme
Shimmy, shimmy
Shake some booty and turn around
flash a smile in their direction
Show some muscle
Do the hustle
Yeah, we're gonna
Bop, bop bop
bop to the top
Wipe away your inhibitions
Stump, stump stump
do the rump
And strut your stuff
Bop, bop bop
straight to the top
Going for the
glory
We'll keep steppin' up and we just won't stop
stop" At this, a ladder "appeared" on the stage and Misty and Chad began climbing up it.
til we reach the top
bop to the top" Misty and Chad were now at the top of the ladder, posing. The audience clapped and a few occasional whistles could be heard. Misty and Chad took a few bows and pranced off the stage.

Ash and May rushed up the few stairs leading to the back of the stage. Misty and Chad arrived at the back when Ash and May did. Both seemed to be out of breath. Who could blame them? They had been jumping and dancing around the stage so much, it had surprised Ash that they hadn't run out of breath a few lines after they started. Ms. Hotaru walked back out onto the stage.

"Wonderful performance, Misty and Chad. Bravo. Now, please put your hands together for Ash and May!" she cried. The audience began clapping. Ash coughed a few times before walking out onto the stage with May. Unlike Misty and Chad's song, their's wasn't the jump around and get hyper type. A piano began playing a slow tune, and a dark blue setting replaced Misty and Chad's flashy red setting. Ash and May's setting was also on the sparkle side, but it had a dark color, with the black outlines of a city on it. The ladder was gone now, since neither Ash or May was going to climb on it.

The time for May to start off the song came and went, and she didn't say a word. Ash held up a hand to the person directing their song. The song stopped and Ash walked over to May.

He lowered the microphone in his hand and said in a low voice, "What's wrong?"

"I can't do it, Ash. Not in front of all these people." May replied, and started to walk off. Ash gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Hey, hey hey. Don't look at them. Look at something else." he said.

"Like what? Nothing's going to take my mind off of that huge crowd out there." May replied.

"Alright then. Look at...me." Ash answered, saying the only thing he could think of at the moment.

"You?" May questioned.

"Hey, if it'll take your mind off of all those people, then do it." Ash replied. May smiled slightly. Ash slowly released her wrist and signaled for the music to start playing again. The piano played the slow tune again, and the cue came up. Instead of making May start off, Ash took her place.

"We're soarin'
flyin
there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach" He held his hand out to her because she was slipping over to the right side of the stage instead of standing in the middle where she was supposed to be. May took a few steps forward and gripped Ash's open hand.

"If we're tryin
so we're breakin' free" she sang softly. Her eyes never left Ash as she sang.

"You know the world can see us
in a way that's different than who we are
Creating space between us
til we're separate hearts" Ash and May back away from each other as May sang this line.

"But your faith
it give me strength
strength to believe"

"We're breakin' freeAsh's voice became less soft and nervous and a little louder. As he sang, he moved in toward May.

"We're soarin'" May also moved toward him. Pretty soon, they were standing a few inches away from each other, and facing each other.

"Flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're tryin'
Yeah we're breakin' free
Oh, we're breakin' free
ooh
Can you feel it building?
Like a wave the ocean just can't control" Ash now faced the audience.

"Connected by a feeling
ooh in our soul
very soul..ooh
Rising til it lifts us up
so everyone can see..
We're breakin' free
We're soarin'
Flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're tryin
So we're breakin' free May was getting a little more comfortable now that Ash was moving around and dancing a little bit. She led Ash across the stage, half running, half skipping.

"We're runnin'
Climbin'" Ash sang as he followed. to get to that place to
be all that we can be
Now's the time
so we're breakin' free
We're breakin' free
ooh, yeah
More than hope
more than faith
This is true
this is fate and together we
see it comin'
More than you
more than me
Not a want,
but a need
Both of us breakin' free"Ash took May's hand and spun her around. May continued singing as she spun, causing the audience to shout and clap a little.
Soarin'
Flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
if we're tryin'
Yeah, we're breakin' free
breakin' free
we're runnin'
Ooh, climbin'
to get to that place to
be all that we can be(be)
Now's the time(now's the time)
So we're breakin' free
Oh, we're breakin' free(oh) May and Ash came to the middle of the stage and faced each other. They got quieter for the last line.
You know the world can see us in a way that's
different that who we are" Ash finally got May to look at the crowd, who were going wild; on their feet clapping and cheering. May looked back at Ash and smiled. Ash returned the smile. Both were panting from running around the stage and singing at the same time. They took a few bows and exited the stage. Ms. Hotaru walked back on the stage.

"Ash and May everyone." she said. "Thank you all for coming. I hope you had a wonderful time. I'll see you again for the Spring Musical." Everyone exploded into applause, cheers and whistles. Ms. Hotaru exited the stage and went backstage to Ash, May, Misty and Chad. "You all did wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better performance." she said, smiling at them. All four smiled back. Ms. Hotaru walked down the small flightof stairs. Ash could see all of the people from the audience pouring out either door that led back into the halls. He spotted Brendan running toward him.

"Ash, we've got to get to the gym! The battle starts in ten minutes, let's go!" he cried. Ash took a few more seconds to catch a little of his breath before running out after Brendan. May followed them, walking instead of running.
_____________________
So, was it long enough? It took me like two hours to write. I hope it was good.

I've got two questions for everyone. Should this story continue after the big battle and the musical, or should I just...stop?

And, those of you who have seen the real High School Musical movie, should I put the song, "We're All in This Together" in the story?

The next chapter should be up soon. Everyone tell me what ya thought!

soul of legonds
14th August 2006, 3:22 PM
Much better on the length. you brought the carecters somewhat in to focuse. but try duscribing their thoughts, felling, movements, and location(location can seem diferent depending on the mood of a person) better. Like is sted of saying "Ash fround" try "Ash made a face of displasure at those words" but still try to Keep the origenality in you fic. and for going on,(remember i have not watched HSM before) the vires problem still needs to be solved, as well as your hade mentioned TR early so that must come, and your only halve way though the schoole year, finish it up. you really did better on this chapter.

UltaFlame
14th August 2006, 7:27 PM
i agree with Soul of Legends. better much better could be longer but good nonetheless. i don't really get the concept of 'shallow characters' and i could care less about if they are or not they all seem the same to me... but thats why i like fics that don't go in to much detail.

most people here ask for perfection.

but i go with with a different approach of everything could use improvement and description and character depth take side line to plot. all you really need to do is get a good plot and i'd like it not much more than that althoughif it isn't long enough then its not very good as it can't hold much plot. so long story short. description and character depth aren't really anything to me but plot and length have a major role to my tastes.

so yeah and this is a story centering around plot and your working on length so thats why i like it so much!

Silent Conversation
19th August 2006, 2:30 PM
I've still been reading the chapters since your last review. I really them!

I'm happy your chapters are getting longer, but I think that was enough.

To answer your "We're All In This Together" question, I think you should put that song in. You've been putting good effort into all the songs, why just stop?

Why think that I found since the beginning of the story, which seems to be getting worse, is the bracets. You're putting too many bracets.

Well, I hope you use my ideas. Even if you don't I'll still be reading!

Gradius
19th August 2006, 2:47 PM
Well there are two things I'd like to say.
1) It would be nice if this was ACTUALLY A MUSICAL INSTEAD OF A PLAIN OLD STORY
2) I see no connection between this story and the original HSM, except that it's at a school.

jessieneese
25th August 2006, 7:46 PM
Thanks for all of the comments, guys.

BTW, did y'all see the real High School Musical movie last night? It came on at eight on disneychannel.

Anyway, here's the next chapter:
____________________
Chapter 21: The Big Day Part II - Brock's battle

Brendan led Ash and May down the halls toward the gym.

"Wow. What a turn out," May commented once they were inside the gym. Ash nodded slowly.

"We've never had this many people watching the battle before," he said. "What's so different about this year?"

"Well, I see a bunch of drama club members up there," Brendan said, pointing up to the top of the bleachers across the gym. "Maybe your singing thing attracted a bunch more people."

"Well, good luck guys. I'll be cheering for you!" May said, then ran across the gym to find a seat in the bleachers before they were all full. Brendan took a deep breath.

"Let's go. Tory and the rest of the team are waiting on us," he said, grabbing Ash's arm and guiding him through the crowds of people gathered along the sides of the gym.

"Hey Captain, what up?" Tory said cheerfully once Ash and Brendan made it to the other side of the gym.

"Have you figured out who's gonna battle first?" Tracey questioned.

"Yeah. I guess Brock can go first," Ash answered. Everyone looked at Ash confusedly.

"But, don't we usually start off with Tracey?" Brendan asked.

"Yeah, but I decided to start off with Brock this year to throw the other team off guard. See, Tracey battles at a slow pace and goes in for the kill whenever he feels is right. But, Brock battles first with speed then with power, so that should be enough to throw the other team off guard and get us in the lead," Ash explained. Everyone smiled in approval.

"Pretty good idea, Ash," Tory said.

"Ok, is everyone ready over here?" the judge asked as he approached the group. Everyone nodded. "Ok good," the judge said. He took a microphone from one of the teachers standing on the side of the gym and flipped it on.

"Hello everyone and welcome to the New Bark and Littleroot High Battle!" The crowd erupted into cheering and applause. When they finally quieted down, the judge continued. "For our first battle, we have Brock from New Bark High and Jared from Littleroot High." Brock and another boy stepped forward. A white box had been painted on both sides of the gym, marking the place where the battlers were to stand. The boy, on the other side of the gym, had black hair and green eyes. He wore a green t-shirt with black jeans and black tennis shoes.

"This will be a three on three battle. Pokemon may only be substituted when they have fainted or are no longer able to battle. The battle will be over when all of either battler's Pokemon are unable to battle or eliminated from the match. Let the battle begin!" the judge cried out.

"Salamence, let's go!" Jared cried, throwing a Poke Ball into the air.

"Swampert, go!" Brock yelled, doing the same.

"Salamence, start off with a Flamethrower attack!" Jared commanded. Salamence opened its mouth wide and sent out a stream of red-orange flames at Swampert.

"Evade it!" Brock shouted. Swampert jumped out of the way just in time. "Great! Now try a Quick attack!" Brock commanded. Swampert allowed Salamence to cease breathing fire, then charged at it with lightning speed. It hit Salamence square in the face with its head, a pretty critical hit. Salamence stumbled backwards, but quickly regained its composure.

"Salamence, use Dragon Claw!" Jared called out. Salamence charged foward, beating its wings furiously to gain speed as it flew toward Swampert, glowing claws in position. Brock didn't get a chance to call out anything to Swampert before Salamence hit it with a very powerful Dragon Claw attack. Swampert cried out in pain and stumbled backwards. "Follow up with Steel Wing!" Jared yelled.

Salamence flew toward Swampert again, this time with its wings glowing. Swampert was still dazed from the Dragon Claw attack.

"Swampert! Try and dodge it!" Brock shouted. Swampert looked up and saw Salamence charging toward it. It attempted to jump out of the way, but Salamence was too fast. It charged into Swampert, hitting it in the stomach one of its wings. Brock bit his lip. At this rate, Swampert was going to get creamed.

"Salamence, let's finish this up with Flamethrower!" Jared yelled.

"Counter it with Hydro Pump!" Brock suddenly called out. Salamence sent out another stream of red-orange flames at Swampert, and Swampert sent out a powerful stream of water. The attacks collided in mid air. "Keep going Swampert!" Brock encouraged his Pokemon.

"Do let 'em beat you, Salamence!" Jared yelled to his Pokemon. The attacks continued to meet in mid air, neither side giving an inch.

"Alright Swampert, give it all you've got!" Brock commanded.

"Full power, Salamence!" Jared shouted. Both Pokemon increased the amount of fire/water coming out of its mouth. Finally, Swampert grew weaker, considering it had taken a pretty bad beating from the rest of the match. Salamence's Flamethrower prevailed, and Swampert was hit directly. It fell to the ground and its eyes turned to little swirls.

"Swampert is unable to battle!" the judge called out, signaling for Brock to recall his Pokemon to its Poke Ball. Brock sighed and pulled out the Poke Ball Swampert belonged to.

"Swampert, return!" he said, holding the ball out at arm's length. A red beam came out and engulfed Swampert, then sucked it into the ball. Brock attached the ball to his belt and took out another. On the other side of the gym, Jared also returned his Pokemon and took out another Poke Ball. On a scoreboard above the gym, a 1 appeared under Visitor. (The scoreboard is like that of a basketball game.)

"Come on out, Ludicolo!" Brock shouted, throwing the Poke Ball in his hand.

"Typhlosion, let's go!" Jared yelled, doing the same. Obviously, he was a fire-type trainer.

"Ludicolo, use Water Gun!" Brock commanded. Ludicolo shot out a stream of water at Typhlosion. Luckily, this Pokemon was slower than Salamence, so the Water Gun hit it directly.

"Yes!" Brendan cheered from behind him.

"Typhlosion, use Flame Wheel!" Jared yelled. Typhlosion shot out a circular shaped fire attack. Ludicolo danced out of the way just in time.

"Now Ludicolo ,try another Water Gun attack!" Brock yelled. Ludicolo sent out another stream of water, which also hit Typhlosion directly.

Man, that Typlosion's a whole lot slower than his Salamence,Brock thought.

"Typhlosion, use Fire Blast!" Jared called out.

"Dodge it!" Brock yelled. Ludicolo once again danced out of Typhlosion's attack range. "Now, use Water Gun one more time!" Brock shouted. Ludicolo sent out one last stream of water at Typhlosion. Again, it was hit directly. Typhlosion fell to the ground and its eyes turned to swirls.

"Typhlosion is unable to battle!" the judge yelled.

"That seemed too easy," Ash muttered to Brendan as Brock and Jared recalled their Pokemon. Brendan nodded in agreement. A 1 appeared under Home on the scoreboard.

"Ok, let's go, Foretress!" Brock yelled, throwing a Poke Ball into the air for the third time that day.

"Blaziken, come on out!" Jared yelled.

"Foretress, use Rapid Spin!" Brock yelled. Foretress obeyed and started spinning around wildly and heading toward BLaziken.

"Blaziken, dodge it and use Double Kick!" Jared yelled. Blaziken jumped out of the way and then came down on Foretress, kicking it first with its left foot, then with its right. "Now use Sky Uppercut!" Jared commanded. Blaziken's claws on its left hand began glowing and it hit Foretress with an upward motion, causing it to fly into the air. "Flamethrower, now!" Jared yelled. Blaziken shot out a powerful stream of red-orange flames at Foretress, who seemed helpless as it flew up into the air.

"Foretress, counter that with Rapid Spin!" Brock commanded. Foretress started spinning rapidly in the air. The Flamethrower hit it, but Foretress's spinning caused it to bounce off and fall back down on Blaziken. "Great job! Keep it up!" Brock yelled. Foretress continued to spin until Blaziken finally stopped shooting the Flamethrower attack at it. By now, Foretress had reached the ground and safely floated above it.

"Now, Foretress, use Headbutt!" Brock yelled. Foretress charged at Blaziken, who was still sheilding itself from the falling flames from its Flamethrower. It was hit, full force. It fell to the ground. Everyone watched anxiously as it lay there, not moving an inch. The audience were all on the edge of their part of the bleachers. Ash, Brendan, Tracey and Tory all leaned forward and watched Blaziken carefully. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Blaziken's eyes turned to swirls.

"Balziken is unable to battle! Foretress wins! The victory goes to Brock from New Bark High!" the judge cried out. The crowd erupted into wild applause and cheers. Brock breathed a sigh of relief and returned Foretress to its ball. The one under Home turned to a 2 as Brock turned and walked back to Ash, Brendan, Tory and Tracey.

"Yeah, you did it!" Tracey said, giving Brock a high five.

"Awesome job, Brock!" Ash exclaimed, doing the same. Brendan and Tory did and said similar things.

"Ok, who's gonna battle next?" Tory asked, and at once, all eyes were on Ash.

"Well, I guess you can, Tory," Ash replied.

"Alright. I won't let you down," Tory said, grabbing a Poke Ball and walking foward. Another boy stepped into the box on the other side of the gym. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes. He wore a white t-shirt with beige jean shorts. His shoes were also white.

"Again, this shall be a three on three battle. The battle will be between Tory, from New Bark High, and Jake from Littleroot High. Pokemon may only be substituted when they are unable to battle or have been eliminated. Now, let the battle begin!" the judge cried. He had turned the mike back on to say this.

"Tropius, go!" Jake yelled, throwing a Poke Ball into the air.

"Plusle, let's go!" Tory cried, doing the same.

"Tropius and Plusle, huh? This should be interesting," Brendan said. The others nodded. It didn't matter what Pokemon would be fighting who. All of the battles that were to be held that day were going to be interesting. And, each and every person from New Bark High was praying the same thing Ash, Brendan, Tracey, Tory and Brock were all praying: Please New Bark, pull through!

________________
Ok, now to clear up some things. I've been told that I'm putting too many brackets and author's notes in the story, so I've decided to tell it all to you here.

The reason both trainers recall their Pokemon when a match is over is because the rules at New Bark High are supposed to be different. Instead of one Pokemon staying out until it loses, trainers are directed to recall their Pokemon after the match is over, fainted or not. That is one of the terms of eliminated here.

Next chapter should be up soon. Please r&r! (Read and review)

UltaFlame
25th August 2006, 8:38 PM
good chapter. no i missed the hsm thing. oh well. anyway length isn't a problem chapter-wise but the battles could've been longer. something i see alot is how are the pokemon feeling and such. anyway i enjoyed myself reading this.

~()~WOBBUFFET~()~
26th August 2006, 12:58 AM
Oh, I thought for a minute that Brock was gonna lose!

jessieneese
28th August 2006, 11:49 PM
Chapter 22: The Big Day Part III - Tory's battle

"Plusle, hit it with a Shockwave!" Tory called out to his Pokemon.

"Tropius, Bullet Seed, go!" Jake shouted. Plusle sent out a bluish-white bolt of electricity at Tropius, and Tropius sent out a stream of yellow glowing seeds. The attacks collided in mid air, and an explosion occured. Both Pokemon were hit by the blast, but neither seemed to have taken too much damage.

"Plusle, Quick Attack!" Tory commaded.

"Dodge and use Razor Leaf!" Jake yelled. Plusle charged at Tropius with lightning speed. At the last minute, Tropius jumped out of the way, causing Plusle to fly past it. Plusle skidded to a stop and turned around - right into a Razor Leaf attack. It cried out in pain and staggered backwards. "Now, Tropius, use your Vine Whip attack!" Jake called out.

Tropius sent out two strong vines at Plusle. The vines wrapped around its body, making it nearly impossible for it to move. Plusle struggled desperately to get free, but Tropius had it wrapped up tight with the Vine Whip attack. "Bullet Seed!" Jake cried. Tropius then sent out another stream of glowing yellow seeds which hit Plusle directly. Tory bit his lip. How could he get out of this? Suddenly, it hit him.

"Plusle, use Shockwave!" he called out. Despite the situation it was in, Plusle managed to send a blue-white blast of electricity down the vines protruding from Tropius' body. Tropius first ceased firing glowing yellow seeds, then cried out in pain and dropped Plusle. Both Pokemon looked pretty wore out; they were breathing heavily and their legs were shaking as if it was hard to stay standing.

"Tropius, give 'em an Aerial Ace attack!" Jake yelled. Tropius flew up into the air using its leaf shaped wings and charged at Plusle. It disappeared right before reaching it, then reappeared and tackled it. Plusle tumbled backwards as Tropius landed gracefully a few feet in front of it. "Now, let's finish this with one last Bullet Seed attack!" Jake commanded. By now, Plusle was back on its feet.

"Counter with Thunderbolt!" Tory called out. Tropius once more sent out a stream of glowing yellow seeds. Plusle sent out a regular colored lightning bolt at the same time. The two attacks collided in mid air.

"Give it all you've got, Tropius!" Jake yelled.

"Come on Plusle! You can do it! Full power!" Tory shouted. Both Pokemon increased the amount of electricity/seeds coming from its body. Finally, a huge explosion erupted in the middle of the battlefield. Smoke rose up everywhere, making it almost impossible to see. When the smoke finally cleared, both Pokemon were sprawled out on the floor, their eyes turned to little swirls.

"Plusle and Tropius are both unable to battle!" the judge declared. A 3 appeared under Home, and a 2 appeared under Visitor on the scoreboard as Tory and Jake recalled their Pokemon.

"Ok, Sceptile, let's go!" Jake yelled, throwing another Poke Ball into the air.

"Minun, come on out!" Tory exclaimed, doing the same.

"Sceptile, use Bullet Seed!" Jake cried out. Tory sighed. He was getting sick of that attack.

"Minun, evade it!" he yelled. Minun jumped out of the way just in time. "Now, use Thunder!" Tory commanded. Minun then shot out a huge bolt of electricity at Sceptile.

"Dodge it!" Jake cried. Sceptile tried to dodge, but it was too slow. Minun's Thunder attack hit it, full force. And it was in the air, too, so that made the attack even more powerful.

Sceptile fell to the ground.

"Follow up with Quick Attack!" Tory shouted. Minun charged at Sceptile as it struggled to get up. Sceptile held out a hand and grabbed Minun, stopping its attack. Tory gasped.

"Great! Now send it flying!" Jake cried. Sceptile threw Minun up into the air. "Bullet Seed, then Razor Leaf!" Jake commanded. Sceptile hit Minun first with a Bullet Seed attack, then with Razor Leaf. Minun fell to the ground. Its eyes turned to swirls after about a minute.

"Minun is unable to battle!" the judge announced. Tory sighed and recalled Minun to its Poke Ball. Jake did the same with Sceptile. A 3 appeared under Visitor on the scoreboard.

"Alright, Electrike, let's go!" Tory yelled, throwing the last Poke Ball.

"Roselia, come on out!" Jake cried, doing the same.

"Electrike, use Charge!" Tory commanded. Electrike lowered its head. Electricity began sparking around its body.

"Roselia, use Magical Leaf!" Jake commanded. Roselia sent out a flurry of leaves at Electrike. But, they all bounced off, leaving now damage whatsoever. "Try a Petal Dance!" Jake yelled. Roselia shot out pink rose petals instead of leaves this time. Again, they bounced off and left nothing as a result. Tory smiled to himself.

Electrike finally lifted its head.

"Alright Electrike, give 'em a full power Thunder attack!" Tory shouted. Electrike sent out a juge blast of lightning at Roselia. The attack was too big to dodge. Roselia cried out in pain as it fell backwards from the impact of the attacks.

"Try another Petal Dance, Roselia!" Jake cried out. Roselia obeyed its master and shot out another flurry of pink rose petals. This time, though, the petals hit Electrike and caused a good bit of damage. "Now, try a Magical Leaf!" Roselia sent out a flurry of leaves. The leaves surrounded Electrike and kept hitting it from every direction.

"Electrike, use Quick Attack!" Tory commanded. Electrike charged at Roselia. "Thunderbolt!" Tory yelled when Electrike hit it. Electrike unleashed a huge blast of electricity and shocked Roselia. Roselia fell to the ground. After a few seconds, its eyes turned to little swirls.

"Roselia is unable to battle! Electrike wins! The victory goes to Tory from New Bark High!" the judge shouted out. Tory and Jake recalled their Pokemon as the 3 under Home changed to a 4.

The crowd cheered and clapped as Tory turned and walked back to Ash, Brendan, Tracey and Brock.

"Great job Tory!" Tracey and Brock exclaimed at the same time, giving him a high five. Brendan just smiled and slapped him on the back. Ash was busy observing the other team across the gym.

"Ok Captain, who's next?" Brendan asked as the judge turned to them, a signal meaning, "You ready yet?"

"Tracey, I guess," Ash replied. Tracey looked surprised.

"Me? Why me?" he questioned. Ash sighed.

"Just do it," he said. Tracey looked nervous, but walked out into the white square. Another battler faced him from the other side of the gym. But, unlike the last two battles, this one was a girl. She had shoulder length blond hair and green eyes and wore a pink tanktop with a white mini skirt and white boots.

"Ok, our next three on three battle will be between Tracey from New Bark High, and Zoey from Littleroot High. Substitutions are only permitted when one of either battlers Pokemon has fainted or has been diqualified. The battle will be over when all of either trainer's Pokemon are unable to battle. Now, let the battle begin!" the judge cried, once again amplifying his voice with the microphone.

"Go, Alakazam!" the girl cried, throwing a Poke Ball.

"Let's go, Scyther!" Tracey yelled, doing the same.

Oh, I hope I can pull this off, Tracey thought to himself. I've let New Bark down so many times- I don't want to do it again. I've just got to win this!

jessieneese
28th August 2006, 11:56 PM
Chapter 22: The Big Day Part III - Tory's battle

"Plusle, hit it with a Shockwave!" Tory called out to his Pokemon.

"Tropius, Bullet Seed, go!" Jake shouted. Plusle sent out a bluish-white bolt of electricity at Tropius, and Tropius sent out a stream of yellow glowing seeds. The attacks collided in mid air, and an explosion occured. Both Pokemon were hit by the blast, but neither seemed to have taken too much damage.

"Plusle, Quick Attack!" Tory commaded.

"Dodge and use Razor Leaf!" Jake yelled. Plusle charged at Tropius with lightning speed. At the last minute, Tropius jumped out of the way, causing Plusle to fly past it. Plusle skidded to a stop and turned around - right into a Razor Leaf attack. It cried out in pain and staggered backwards. "Now, Tropius, use your Vine Whip attack!" Jake called out.

Tropius sent out two strong vines at Plusle. The vines wrapped around its body, making it nearly impossible for it to move. Plusle struggled desperately to get free, but Tropius had it wrapped up tight with the Vine Whip attack. "Bullet Seed!" Jake cried. Tropius then sent out another stream of glowing yellow seeds which hit Plusle directly. Tory bit his lip. How could he get out of this? Suddenly, it hit him.

"Plusle, use Shockwave!" he called out. Despite the situation it was in, Plusle managed to send a blue-white blast of electricity down the vines protruding from Tropius' body. Tropius first ceased firing glowing yellow seeds, then cried out in pain and dropped Plusle. Both Pokemon looked pretty wore out; they were breathing heavily and their legs were shaking as if it was hard to stay standing.

"Tropius, give 'em an Aerial Ace attack!" Jake yelled. Tropius flew up into the air using its leaf shaped wings and charged at Plusle. It disappeared right before reaching it, then reappeared and tackled it. Plusle tumbled backwards as Tropius landed gracefully a few feet in front of it. "Now, let's finish this with one last Bullet Seed attack!" Jake commanded. By now, Plusle was back on its feet.

"Counter with Thunderbolt!" Tory called out. Tropius once more sent out a stream of glowing yellow seeds. Plusle sent out a regular colored lightning bolt at the same time. The two attacks collided in mid air.

"Give it all you've got, Tropius!" Jake yelled.

"Come on Plusle! You can do it! Full power!" Tory shouted. Both Pokemon increased the amount of electricity/seeds coming from its body. Finally, a huge explosion erupted in the middle of the battlefield. Smoke rose up everywhere, making it almost impossible to see. When the smoke finally cleared, both Pokemon were sprawled out on the floor, their eyes turned to little swirls.

"Plusle and Tropius are both unable to battle!" the judge declared. A 3 appeared under Home, and a 2 appeared under Visitor on the scoreboard as Tory and Jake recalled their Pokemon.

"Ok, Sceptile, let's go!" Jake yelled, throwing another Poke Ball into the air.

"Minun, come on out!" Tory exclaimed, doing the same.

"Sceptile, use Bullet Seed!" Jake cried out. Tory sighed. He was getting sick of that attack.

"Minun, evade it!" he yelled. Minun jumped out of the way just in time. "Now, use Thunder!" Tory commanded. Minun then shot out a huge bolt of electricity at Sceptile.

"Dodge it!" Jake cried. Sceptile tried to dodge, but it was too slow. Minun's Thunder attack hit it, full force. And it was in the air, too, so that made the attack even more powerful.

Sceptile fell to the ground.

"Follow up with Quick Attack!" Tory shouted. Minun charged at Sceptile as it struggled to get up. Sceptile held out a hand and grabbed Minun, stopping its attack. Tory gasped.

"Great! Now send it flying!" Jake cried. Sceptile threw Minun up into the air. "Bullet Seed, then Razor Leaf!" Jake commanded. Sceptile hit Minun first with a Bullet Seed attack, then with Razor Leaf. Minun fell to the ground. Its eyes turned to swirls after about a minute.

"Minun is unable to battle!" the judge announced. Tory sighed and recalled Minun to its Poke Ball. Jake did the same with Sceptile. A 3 appeared under Visitor on the scoreboard.

"Alright, Electrike, let's go!" Tory yelled, throwing the last Poke Ball.

"Roselia, come on out!" Jake cried, doing the same.

"Electrike, use Charge!" Tory commanded. Electrike lowered its head. Electricity began sparking around its body.

"Roselia, use Magical Leaf!" Jake commanded. Roselia sent out a flurry of leaves at Electrike. But, they all bounced off, leaving now damage whatsoever. "Try a Petal Dance!" Jake yelled. Roselia shot out pink rose petals instead of leaves this time. Again, they bounced off and left nothing as a result. Tory smiled to himself.

Electrike finally lifted its head.

"Alright Electrike, give 'em a full power Thunder attack!" Tory shouted. Electrike sent out a juge blast of lightning at Roselia. The attack was too big to dodge. Roselia cried out in pain as it fell backwards from the impact of the attacks.

"Try another Petal Dance, Roselia!" Jake cried out. Roselia obeyed its master and shot out another flurry of pink rose petals. This time, though, the petals hit Electrike and caused a good bit of damage. "Now, try a Magical Leaf!" Roselia sent out a flurry of leaves. The leaves surrounded Electrike and kept hitting it from every direction.

"Electrike, use Quick Attack!" Tory commanded. Electrike charged at Roselia. "Thunderbolt!" Tory yelled when Electrike hit it. Electrike unleashed a huge blast of electricity and shocked Roselia. Roselia fell to the ground. After a few seconds, its eyes turned to little swirls.

"Roselia is unable to battle! Electrike wins! The victory goes to Tory from New Bark High!" the judge shouted out. Tory and Jake recalled their Pokemon as the 3 under Home changed to a 4.

The crowd cheered and clapped as Tory turned and walked back to Ash, Brendan, Tracey and Brock.

"Great job Tory!" Tracey and Brock exclaimed at the same time, giving him a high five. Brendan just smiled and slapped him on the back. Ash was busy observing the other team across the gym.

"Ok Captain, who's next?" Brendan asked as the judge turned to them, a signal meaning, "You ready yet?"

"Tracey, I guess," Ash replied. Tracey looked surprised.

"Me? Why me?" he questioned. Ash sighed.

"Just do it," he said. Tracey looked nervous, but walked out into the white square. Another battler faced him from the other side of the gym. But, unlike the last two battles, this one was a girl. She had shoulder length blond hair and green eyes and wore a pink tanktop with a white mini skirt and white boots.

"Ok, our next three on three battle will be between Tracey from New Bark High, and Zoey from Littleroot High. Substitutions are only permitted when one of either battlers Pokemon has fainted or has been diqualified. The battle will be over when all of either trainer's Pokemon are unable to battle. Now, let the battle begin!" the judge cried, once again amplifying his voice with the microphone.

"Go, Alakazam!" the girl cried, throwing a Poke Ball.

"Let's go, Scyther!" Tracey yelled, doing the same.

Oh, I hope I can pull this off, Tracey thought to himself. I've let New Bark down so many times- I don't want to do it again. I've just got to win this!

jessieneese
6th September 2006, 3:44 AM
Chapter 23: The Big Day Part IV - Tracey's Battle

"Scyther, give 'em a Fury Cutter!" Tracey commanded.

"Alakazam, use Psybeam!" Zoey called out. Scyther flew at Alakazam, ready to slash it with one of its blade-like arms. But, Alakazam quickly sent out a rainbow colored beam, hitting Scyther full force, and knocking it backwards. "Now, follow up with Psychic!" Zoey shouted.

Alakazam's eyes turned a light shade of blue. Soon after, an aura of the same color surrounded Scyther's body, and it was lifted into the air. Alakazam swung its arm to the right and brought it down. Scyther, who was under Psychic's power, was slung to the right and slammed into the ground. Alakazam then swung uts arm to the left and brought it up. Scyther skidded across the floor in the left direction, then flew up into the air and floated there.

"Alright, let it go," Zoey said to her Pokemon. Alakazam lifted Scyther higher into the air, then released its psychic hold on it, causing it to fall to the ground.

"Scyther! Are you alright?" Tracey yelled to his Pokemon. Scyther slowly got to its feet. There were numerous scuff marks on its body and it was breathing heavily.

Darn! It's really weak already. What am I supposed to do now? Tracey thought to himself.

"Alakazam, let's go ahead and finish this up," Zoey said coolly, flipping a strand of her blond hair behind her shoulder. "Psybeam once more!" Alakazam sent out another rainbow beam, which hit Scyther directly.

Scyther fell to the ground, its eyes turned to swirls.

"Scyther is unable to battle!" the judge declared. A 4 appeared under Visitor on the scoreboard. Tracey sighed and recalled Scyther to its Poke Ball. Zoey did the same with Alakazam.

"Ok, let's go, Venonat!" Tracey yelled, throwing another Poke Ball into the air.

"Go, Wingull!" Zoey shouted, doing the same. "Use Wing Attack!" Wingull immedietly charged at Venonat and hit it with its wings.

"Venonat, use Stun Spore!" Tracey yelled. Venonat obeyed its master and sent out a cloud of golden spores at Wingull.

"Is that the best you can do?" Zoey teased. "Wingull, blow it away with Gust." Wingull flapped its wings vigorously and blew away the golden spores coming toward it. Instead, the spores blew over to Venonat and fell over it. Venonat cried out in pain for some reason, and stood still.

"Now Wingull, hit 'em with a Peck Attack!" Zoey yelled. Wingull charged into the paralyzed Venonat with its beak. "Follow up with Aerial Ace!" Zoey commanded. Wingull charged at Venonat once again. It disappeared right before it got to it, then reappeared in front of it and bashed it with its beak.

Venonat fell to the ground, and its eyes turned to swirls.

"Venonat is unable to battle! Wingull wins! The victory goes to Zoey from Littleroot High!" the judge yelled.

"What? Don't we have another battle left?" Tracey asked.

"Nope, sorry. Zoey won two out of three matches. It's pretty clear who the victor is," the judge replied. Tracey sighed and recalled Venonat. A 5 appeared under Visitor on the scoreboard.

A series of groans erupted behind Tracey. He turned and walked back to his teammates. Ash was the only one who had something to say.

"It's ok, Tracey. You did your best. They're only one point ahead of us, anyway," he said, putting a hand on Tracey's shoulder. Tracey gritted his teeth.

"No, it's not ok. Every year, I lose and the other team gets ahead. Every year! I was hoping I could change that this year, but I guess I was wrong. I'm just going to drop out of the team. You'd all be better without me," he said.

"What? Tracey, you know that's not true," Ash protested.

"Really? Who's the one who always costs the team a point? Who's the one who can't ever win even one battle? Me, Ash, me. I have nothing to give to this team. I'll help you guys out a whole lot more just by sitting out in the bleachers and cheering you on. So, I hereby resign from the battling team. I'll see you guys later," Tracey said, then turned and walked away.

"Tracey, wait!" Ash called after him. He turned to Brendan. "Brendan, captain the team while I'm gone," he said.

"But, Ash-" Brendan started.

"Just do it," Ash said sternly."I have to get Tracey back." Then, he ran after Tracey. Soon, his image was lost in the crowds gathered along the sidelines. Brendan turned to a boy standing beside Tory.

"Kyle, let's go," he said. The boy nodded and stepped up into the white box in front of him. On the other side of the gym, there stood a girl with long black hair and green eyes. She wore a pink fuzzy sweater and sort of burgandy colored pants. Her boots matched the rest of her outfit.

"Our next three on three battle will be between Kyle from New Bark High and Sam from Littleroot High. Substituitions are only allowed when the current Pokemon is unable to battle. The match will be over when all of either trainer's Pokemon are unable to battle. Now, let the battle begin!" the judge shouted into the microphone.

"Let's go, Hariyama!" Kyle yelled, throwing a Poke Ball into the air.

"Umbreon, come on out!" Sam yelled.

"Hariyama, use Arm Thrust!" Kyle commanded.

"Dodge and use Night Shade!" Sam called out. Hariyama threw out a bunch of punches at Umbreon, but it dodged them all and sent out a black beam with a purple outline, which hit Hariyama directly. Kyle gritted his teeth. This is exactly how Tracey's battle had started out.


***

"Tracey, please! Can't I at least ask you something?" Ash called out after his friend. Tracey said nothing, but kept going, weaving his way in and out of the people that were blocking his way to the gym's exit. Ash squeezed between two people who had moved closer together after Tracey had walked through.

"Excuse me," he murmured. A few seconds later, a clear path stood between him and the exit. "Tracey!" he called out again.

From the bleachers, May spotted Ash running after Tracey. He disappeared through the gym's doors and into the hallway.

What in the heck is he doing? she thought to herself. She quickly got to her feet and pushed her way down to the gym floor, then ran the distance between the bleachers and the gym's door, where she had seen Ash chase Tracey out of.


***

"Come on Umbreon, hang in there! Use Psybeam!" The battle between Sam and Kyle was still raging on. Umbreon and Hariyama had both taken a lot of damage and were about ready to faint.

"Hariyama, counter it with Focus Punch!" Kyle yelled. Umbreon sent out a rainbow colored beam at Hariyama. Hariyama's hand began glowing and it punched the Psybeam, breaking it up. It kept going and hit Umbreon, scoring a direct hit. Umbreon fell to the ground, and its eyes turned to swirls.

"Umbreon is unable to battle!" the judge declared. A 5 appeared under Home on the scoreboard as Sam and Kyle recalled their Pokemon.


***

"Tracey..." Ash's voice trailed off as he stopped to catch his breath. Tracey finally stopped. He turned to face Ash.

"What?" he asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Tracey, please. Don't quit the team. We need you," Ash said.

"Need me?" Tracey scoffed. "What could you possible need me for? I'm the worst battler on the team. The only thing I'd be good for is showing how great all of the rest of you are," he answered.

"Tracey, that's not true," Ash said. "You may not be the greatest battler in the world, but you sure as heck ain't the worst. To tell you the truth, I think you're the best battler on our team."

"What?" Tracey asked, confused.

"Sure, you don't win every battle you fight-" Ash started.

"I don't win any battles I fight," Tracey interrupted him.

"-but at least you try. And you try your hardest. To me, that makes you an awesome player," Ash replied.

"But, I've never won a single battle since I joined the team," Tracey retorted. "How could I be an awesome player?"

"Tracey, it doesn't matter if you win every battle you fight or not. What matters is that you fought, and you tried your best. Your Pokemon work hard for you, and they don't want to lose any more than you do. But, when defeat comes, you take it and move on. Don't dwell on it your whole life and certainly don't quit," Ash answered. Tracey finally started to realize what Ash was saying. He smiled.

"Thanks Ash," he said. Ash returned the smile.

"No problem. Now, are you ready to go back in there and watch us win?" Tracey grinned.

"Absolutely!" he replied. Then, he and Ash walked back into the gym. At the door, Ash bumped into May.

"Oh hey," he said, smiling at her.

"Hey. What happened? Why were you and Tracey out here?" May asked.

"I'll tell you later. Right now I've got to get back to the team," Ash replied. May allowed him to walk by her and into the crowd of people to the left of them.


***

"Ok Sneasel, let's finish this up with Metal Claw!" Kyle yelled to his final Pokemon.

"Raichu, try and dodge it!" Sam cried out. The battle was drawing to a close. Both Pokemon were extremely exhaughsted. Sneasel's claws began glowing and it charged at Raichu, slashing it with the sharp claws. Raichu fell to the ground and its eyes turned to swirls.

"Raichu is unable to battle! Sneasel wins! The victory goes to Kyle from New Bark High!" the judge yelled. The five under Home turned to a six as Kyle and Sam recalled their Pokemon. Kyle turned and walked back to his teammates, who all either slapped him on the back or gave him a high five. Ash and Tracey came up to them.

"What'd we miss?" Ash questioned.

"Kyle won two more points for our team and that Sam girl got the other team another point," Brendan replied.

"How'd it go with Tracey?" Tory asked.

"We cleared everything up," Ash replied.

"Is he still on the team?" Brock asked.

Ash smiled and replied, "Yep, he's still on the team."He then turned to Brendan. "Alright, you're up. Show 'em what you're made of," he said.

"Oh, I will," Brendan replied, grinning and taking a Poke Ball out. He stepped up into the white box in front of him. On the other side of the gym, a boy with light brown hair and hazel eyes stood in the other white box. He wore a black sweater and brown jeans. His shoes were black with white laces.

"The next three on three battle will be between Brendan from New Bark High and Justin from Littleroot High. Substitutions are only allowed when the current Pokemon is unable to battle, yada, yada, yada." Little ripples of laughter came from the audience as the judge said this. "Let the battle begin!" the judge then cried out.

"Go, Mightyena!" Brendan yelled, throwing the Poke Ball in his hand.

"Dusclops, let's go!" Justin cried out, doing the same.

SilverCloudCatcher02
9th September 2006, 3:47 AM
I've been reading this story from the beginning and I have to say it's not so bad. I've never seen the movie and I really wanted to know what it was about. So I guess I have to say thanks for a story I wanted to hear!

soul of legonds
9th September 2006, 12:42 PM
Really this is preatty good, but there is one problem, insted of saying Eyes turned to swirls. that tecnecly fainted so put that in there

jessieneese
18th September 2006, 4:42 PM
Thanks for the comments, guys. :)

Here's the next chapter!
_________________
Chapter 24: The Big Day Part V: Brendan's Battle

"Alright, Mightyena, use Take Down!" Brendan commanded.

"Dusclops, Psybeam!" Justin yelled. Mightyena charged at Dusclops, but Dusclops hit it with a rainbow colored beam, knocking it backwards.

"Try a Shadow Ball!" Brendan yelled. Mightyena charged up a black ball with a puple outline inside its mouth. It sent it toward Dusclops. The Shadow Ball attack his Dusclops full force. It fell to the ground.

"Dusclops, get up! It didn't hit you that hard!" Justin yelled to his Pokemon. Dusclops struggled to get up off the ground. Brendan had obviously trained that Mightyena to be really strong. "Get up!" Justin yelled to his Pokemon once again.

"You shouldn't show insensitivity toward your Pokemon. It makes them trust you less, and without trust, you might as well just forget about getting anywhere with your Pokemon," Brendan called across the gym. Justin gritted his teeth.

"What would you know? It's none of your buisness how I treat my Pokemon!" he yelled at Brendan. Brendan shrugged.

"Whatever you say," he said. "Mightyena, finish this up with another Shadow Ball attack!" Mightyena obeyed and shot out another black and purple ball. It hit Dusclops full force. Dusclops, who had been trying to get up the whole time, fell back to the ground. It didn't get back up.

"Dusclops is unable to battle!" the judge declared. Justin glared at Brendan as he recalled his Pokemon. Brendan returned Mightyena to its Poke Ball. The six under Home turned to a seven.

"Ok, Tyranitar, come on out!" Brendan yelled, throwing another Poke Ball into the air.

"Gardevoir, let's go!" Justin yelled, doing the same.

"Tyranitar, use Hyper Beam!" Brendan yelled.

"Dodge and use Psychic!" Justin commanded. Tyranitar began charging up a yellow-orange beam inside of its mouth. It hurled it at Gardevoir. Gardevoir jumped out of the way. Its eyes turned a light shade of blue. Tyranitar soon had a blue aura around it. Gardevoir then moved its arms in all sorts of directions, but Tyranitar never moved.

"It's too heavy to lift!" Ash exclaimed from behind Brendan. Brendan smiled to himself.

"And that exactly why I chose it. Tyranitar, another Hyper Beam!" Brendan called out. Tyranitar quickly charged up another Hyper Beam attack and hurled it at Gardevoir. Justin didn't have time to shout a command to his Pokemon. The Hyper Beam hit, so hard in fact that Gardevoir was pummeled into the ground, making a large hole in the floor.

The principal's not gonna like that, Brendan thought to himself. The audience gasped as the smoke from Gardevoir's collision with the floor cleared. It was pretty clear that Gardevoir could no longer battle.

"Gardevoir is unable to battle! Tyranitar wins! The victory goes to Brendan, from New Bark High!" the judge yelled.

"No, wait! Gardevoir can still battle! It's my strongest Pokemon! There's no way it could be down in one hit like that!" Justin yelled. Everyone glared at him in digust. That boy had absolutely no concern for his Pokemon whatsoever.

"No, your Gardevoir can't battle! I mean, just look at it! Even if it is your strongest Pokemon, that doesn't mean it can keep fighting in that condition!" the judge argued. Everyone turned and looked at Gardevoir. Inside the large hole it had made, it had numerous scuff marks on its body, and was breathing uneasily. It looked badly injured; too injured to do anything, let alone battle some more. Justin angrily pointed a finger at Brendan.

"But it's his fault! He's the one that ordered that stupid Tyranitar to use Hyper Beam on my Gardevoir!" he yelled. Brendan looked surpised. Ash stepped up beside Brendan.

"Hey! First of all, Brendan's Tyranitar is not stupid. And second of all, he couldn't control how powerful that Hyper Beam was. Neither could Tyranitar. It just charged up a normal Hyper Beam and launched it, like it was told. There wasn't anyway to tell how strong it was going to be. And even if that Hyper Beam had been too strong, and purposely made that way, you should be disqualified for pushing your Pokemon too hard!" he yelled. Everyone, including the judge, nodded in agreement.

"How would you know how I should and shouldn't treat my Pokemon?" Justin asked Ash.

"Because, everyone could see that Gardevoir couldn't battle after being hit by a Hyper Beam that powerful. It can barely move, for Pete's sake! It doesn't matter if Gardevoir is your strongest Pokemon. Even the strongest of Pokemon fail every once in awhile," he replied. Justin now had tears in his eyes. He fell to his knees, sobbing.

"I-I just wanted to win this for my team. I didn't mean to push Gardevoir so hard. I just-" he was cut off by his sobs. Ash sighed.

"I think we all have to learn the main lesson about battling the hard way at one point in our lives," he said softly.

"What lesson is that?" Justin questioned, looking up at Ash, tears still streaming down his face.

"That winning isn't everything. I mean, if you win, it feels great, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to win every single battle you fight in. The joy of battling and bonding with our Pokemon is what we're all in this for, right?" Ash answered. Justin nodded slightly, but he didn't look as if he fully understood. Ash decided to go ahead and continue. "Battling is a great way to bond with your Pokemon. But, like Brendan said earlier, if you mistreat your Pokemon and their trust for you fades, you can forget about going anywhere with them. I'm sure your Gardevoir will forgive you, but it might take a while for it to trust you as much as it used to," he said. Justin stood to his feet and walked over to Gardevoir.

"Gardevoir, can you hear me?" he asked. Gardevoir slowly opened its eyes. "I'm so sorry, Gardevoir. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. Could you ever forgive me?" Justin asked it. Gardevoir smiled weakly.

"Gardevoir," it replied. Justin smiled. Like Ash, he could understand his Pokemon when they talked, and he realized that Gardevoir was saying, "Of course I forgive you, Justin." He crawled down into the hole and embraced the Pokemon lovingly.

"C'mon," he whispered in its ears. "Let's get you healed up in the nurse's office." Gardevoir nodded and Justin returned it to its Poke Ball. He then crawled out of the hole and started walking toward the gym's doors.

Finally, the seven under Home turned to an eight. The judge turned his microphone on.

"Well, this has been quite an unusual battle we;ve had today, and I thank you all for coming. Sadly, this will be the last battle today. Now, here to wrap it all up, it's Ash Ketchum from New Bark High and Michelle from Littleroot High! The two captains of the teams are going to face off for the ending of today's battle! You should all know the rules by now, so let the battle begin!" the judge announced. Brendan quickly recalled Tyranitar and stepped out of the white box, allowing Ash to step in. The girl on the other side of the gym had black hair and icy blue eyes. She wore a navy blue sweater with white pants and shoes.

She frowned at Ash from across the gym. She and Ash had never gotten along, and probably never would. She hated him more than ever now for opening Justin's eyes to the real battling ways. She had told him the winning was everything, no matter what the cost. But, Ash had opened his eyes to how it really was, making Justin a more careful battler because he didn't want to let his Pokemon get too hurt. She clenched a fist. Because of Justin, their team was going to lose whether she beat Ash or not. New Bark was already ahead of them by like four points.

"Let's go Grovyle!" Ash yelled, throwing a Poke Ball into the air. Michelle was snapped out of her thoughts.

"Go, Machoke!" she yelled, doing the same. She smiled evily to herself.

I'm going to make sure I take Ketchum down, she thought. Even if ir means I'll get disqualified for it.

jessieneese
18th September 2006, 7:41 PM
Chapter 25: The Big Day Part VI - Ash wraps it up

"Alright Grovyle, give 'em a Bullet Seed!" Ash shouted to his Pokemon. Grovyle immedietly opened its mouth and shot out a stream of glowing yellow seeds.

"Dodge that, Machoke, and use Karate Chop!" Michelle commanded. Machoke jumped out of Grovyle's attack range and its hand started glowing. It brought its hand down hard on the top of Grovyle's head. Grovyle cried out in pain and staggered backwards. "Now, hit with a Focus Punch!" Michelle called out. Machoke's hand once again began glowing, but this time it was balled into a fist. It charged at Grovyle.

"Dodge it!" Ash yelled. Grovyle jumped out of the way just in time. "Great, now use Leaf Blade!" Ash commanded. The three leaf-like things on Grovyle's left arm merged into a blade-like object, and began glowing. Grovyle charged at Machoke, its left arm pulled back, ready to strike. It slashed Machoke with the blade-like thing before Michelle could even call out a command. Machoke stumbled back. Michelle gritted her teeth. "Alright, now, follow up with another Bullet Seed attack!" Ash shouted. Grovyle opened its mouth wide and released another stream of glowing yellow seeds, which hit Machoke directly.

"Machoke, don't let them beat you like that! Fight back with Vital Throw!" Michelle yelled. Machoke grabbed Grovyle and jumped high into the air. It came back down and pounded Grovyle into the ground, right in the hole Gardevoir had made. Ash suddenly felt nausous. He felt as if he was about to upchuck the few things he had eaten in the past few days.

Come on, not now, he thought to himself. I can't throw up now. It'd ruin everything!

"Mr. Ketchum, is there a problem?" Ash recognized Ms. Hotaru's voice coming from his left side. He started to answer, but his voice caught in his throat.

"Ash, are you ok?" Brendan's voice came from behind him, and Ash felt a hand on his right shoulder. He took a few deep breaths and swallowed a couple of times, then finally answered the others.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ms. Hotaru and Brendan stepped back and Ash turned his attention back to the middle of the gym, where Grovyle had been pounded into the hole from the previous battle. "Grovyle, are you ok?" he called out. Grovyle's head appeared above the hole and it climbed out. Ash breathed a sigh of relief. "Ok then. Use Quick Attack, then go into Leaf Blade!" he shouted.

Grovyle charged at Machoke with lightning speed. It hit it, then turned right around and hit it again with a glowing blade on its left arm. Machoke fell to the ground, motionless.

"Machoke it unable to battle!" the judge declared. Ash and Michelle recalled their Pokemon. The eight under Home turned to a nine.

"Ok, let's go, Bulbasaur!" Michelle cried.

"Pikachu, show 'em what you're made of!" Ash exclaimed, and Pikachu leapt off his shoulder and into the middle of the gym.

"This'll be over quick," Brendan mumbled behind him. Pikachu was Ash's strongest Pokemon, and had never been defeated in any battles before.

"Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip!" Michelle commanded. Bulbasaur sent out two powerful vines at Pikachu.

"Dodge 'em!" Ash called out. Pikachu jumped out of the way. Bulbasaur's vines kept going straight. It stopped them in mid air, and looked up to Michelle for commands.

"No, keep going straight," she said quietly. Bulbasaur obeyed and pushed its vines foward. Finally, the vines struck something. Or somebody, for that matter.

"Ow!" Ash cried. "Hey, watch it!"

"Please keep the Pokemon attacks between the Pokemon. I don't want to have to disqualify you," the judge warned Michelle.

Ash rubbed his leg where the Vine Whip had struck him, then yelled, "Pikachu, hit 'em with an Iron Tail!" Pikachu's tail began glowing and it ran at Bulbasaur. It jumped into the air and brought its tail down hard on Bulbasaur's back - or the bulb on its back, for that matter.

"Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf!" Michelle shouted. Bulbasaur sent out razor sharp leaves at Pikachu. Pikachu cried out in pain as the leaves hit it. "Now use Petal Dance!" Michelle commanded. Bulbasaur then sent out a flurry of pink rose petals, which surrounded Pikachu.

"Pikachu, Thunderbolt!" Ash shouted. Pikachu sent out a bolt of electricity, which hit the leaves heading toward it and caused them to vanish, leaving behind a bunch of sparkles, shimmering under the bright lights of the gym. "Good, now use Iron Tail on Bulbasaur's feet!" Ash commanded. Pikachu knew what he was getting at. They always used this tactic to finish up a fight with a grass/bug type. It's tail began glowing, and it ran at Bulbasaur. But, instead of jumping up and bashing it like it normally would, Pikachu swung its tail along the ground, like it were tripping someone, and placed it under Bulbasaur. It then pushed as hard as it could and hoisted Bulbasaur into the air.

"Great job! Now, while it's in the air, give 'em a full power Thunder attack!" Ash yelled. Pikachu then sent out a powerful bolt of lightning, which hit Bulbasaur full force. Since Bulbasaur wasn't on the ground, it couldn't convert the lightning into the ground or whatever was around it, so it got the full impact.

Bulbasaur fell to the ground. It's body had turned black, and it wasn't moving.

"Bulbasaur it unable to battle! Pikachu wins! The victory goes to Ash from New Bark High!" the judge yelled. "New Bark High wins the battle!" Although he wasn't on microphone, the crowd heard him loud and clear, and they all erupted into wild cheering and whistling. The sound of applause also filled the air.

Ash knelt down and Pikachu leaped into his arms. "You were awesome out there, buddy," Ash said to it as he embraced it tightly.

"Chaaa!" Pikachu cooed in his ear. Ash felt someone slap him on the back. He looked behind him. Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock all stood behind him. Ash stood up and faced them.

"That was really great, Ash. I've just got one question," Brendan said.

"What's that?" Ash asked.

"How come you stopped and stood there for a few minutes? You had us all worried," Brendan replied.

"Yeah. You wouldn't talk, and it looked as if you weren't breathing normally," Tory added.

"Oh that. Just forget about it, ok?" Ash answered. He didn't really want to talk about how he had almost thrown up in the middle of a battle. Thinking about it made him feel queasy all over again.

"Ok..." Tory's voice trailed off.

"But, on the bright side, WE WON!" Brendan exclaimed.

"And that's a surprised to you?" Ash asked, giving Brendan a cocky smile.

"No, not really. But, this year was certainly different than all of the other years," Brendan replied. Ash felt a hand gently rest on his shoulder. He looked behind him.

"Great job out there," May said, smiling at him. She turned to the others. "All of you." Everyone returned her smile.

"Thanks," Ash replied, smiling back at her. The two stared at each other for a moment, then abruptly looked in another direction once they realized what they were doing. Brendan walked over to the other side of Ash.

"Ash and May sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," he said into Ash's ear. Ash turned bright red and elbowed him.

"What'd he say, Ash?" Tory questioned once he saw Ash blushing.

"Nothing," Ash replied quickly. Brendan smirked and headed toward the bleachers. "Where ya goin'?" Ash called after him.

"I'm sitting down. I've been standing up for hours," Brendan replied. Tory, Tracey and Brock all considered this, then followed Brendan to the bleachers a few feet behind them. This left only Ash and May standing.

"So, you never told me why you and Tracey were in the hallway after his battle," May said, breaking the awkward silence between them.

"Tracey told us he was quitting the team, and I followed him out the door to try and talk to him," Ash said, giving a short summary of what had happened. He started getting a sick feeling in his stomach again. "I think I'd better sit down," he said, and walked over to the bleachers. May followed. Ash sat down beside Brendan on the bottom bleacher. May took a seat beside Ash.

"Congratulations, New Barkers! You won! ....Again!" Everyone looked up to see the judge walking up the them, holding a large, golden trophy. He handed it to Ash. Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock all lept to their feet. Ash and May stood up slowly.

The crowd began chanting, "New Bark! New Bark! New Bark!" over and over as Ash took the trophy from the judge's hand.

"Thank you, sir," he said. He held the trophy by one handle, and Brendan took the other. Brendan led Ash up to the top of the bleachers and they stood up, holding the trophy high above their heads. The crowd erupted into wild cheers and applause. New Bark High had once again won the championship. Then and there, the crowd, and everyone else in the room knew for sure that they always had and they always will. The championship had been in New Bark's clutches for as long as anyone could remember, and, as long as they had Ash, Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock, that wasn't about to change.
____________________
Note: This is NOT the end of the story. I still have a few problems I have to solve, and from what I'm told, everyone's wanting me to put "We're All in This Together" in the story, so I'll get started on that too. Hope you enjoyed this! Please R&R!

~()~WOBBUFFET~()~
18th September 2006, 8:33 PM
OOOH, me tinks Michelle's a b*tch!

soul of legonds
18th September 2006, 10:53 PM
Umm, we all now you love this chapter but no dobel posting the same chapter. Good chapter. Finaly a new plot turn. Please fell free to smack branden in the next chappter.

Endoplasmic Reticulum
19th September 2006, 1:16 AM
very good chapter, it would of been cool although if ash passed out in the end of the chapter do to the virus still being with him.

Ash_Fan_#1
25th September 2006, 8:18 PM
OK great story. I never read and I look forward to reading this. But I have to say I also think Ash should have passed out at the end of the chapter. ? I think you should post the next chapter ASAP. Good job.

jessieneese
26th September 2006, 9:06 PM
Thanks, everyone. I guess you're all waiting anxiously for the next chapter, huh? Guess I'd better post it then.

Oh, elekible addict, you've just given me an idea...
_________________________

Chapter 26: Magnolium Cure - Helpful or Useless?

The crowd continued to chant until Ash and Brendan stepped down from the top of the bleachers and walked down them and lowered the trophy. The people from the audience then started pouring out the gym's doors, talking amongst themselves. \

"Well, I guess should head on outta here, huh?" Brendan said once all of the people were gone. Everyone nodded. Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock then headed toward the door.

"Ash, are you ok?" May asked softly to Ash. "You're starting to look like you did in the battle earlier when you wouldn't talk or anything." Brendan turned around when he heard this.

"What's wrong?" he asked, walking up beside May. Tory, Tracey and Brock remained where they were. Ash's face had suddenly turned pale, and he looked as if he were struggling to stay standing.

"I don't know. Ash? Ash, can you even hear me?" May asked worriedly. She placed a hand on Ash's shoulder.

"Y-yeah. I feel really weird," Ash replied. His legs felt weak, as if they were about to give out. He realized he had started shaking. Brendan put a hand on his other shoulder.

"C'mon. We need to get you to the nurse," he said.

"That's a good idea, Brendan. The nurse'll probably know what's wrong with him," May stated.

"Guys-" Ash's voice went out before he could say the rest of his sentence. He now had a headache, and he felt really dizzy.

"Yeah, what is it, Ash?" Brendan and May asked in unision. When Ash didn't reply, they each took their hand off of his shoulder and motioned for him to follow after them. Ash opened his mouth to tell them that he couldn't, but no words would come out. His throat had grown sore, so even if he could talk, he wouldn't have said much.

Brendan and May, not knowing the pain Ash was in at the moment, started walking forward, supposedly trying to lead Ash to the nurse's office. Ash decided to try and follow them. He steadied his trembling body and took a step forward. At first, it seemed as if he could do it, but as soon as he put his weight on the foot he stepped forward with, it gave out and he collapsed to the ground with a pained grunt. The trophy he had been holding hit the ground beside him. May and Brendan whirled around.

"Ash!" they cried. They ran to him and knelt down on either side of his body.

"Ash, what happened?" May asked. Ash lifted his head and tried to speak, but his voice was still out.

"I think his voice went out," Brendan observed. May looked down at Ash with worried eyes.

"Is that what it is?" she asked. Ash nodded weakly. May turned to Brendan. "Do you think it's the virus that's making him like this?" she asked, her voice becoming shaky.

"I don't know," Brendan replied. "But either way, he needs to get to the nurse's office." With that said, he slid his hands under Ash's upper body and pulled up. He now had Ash sitting on his knees. Brendan then turned around with his back facing Ash. "Grab on to my neck and hold on tightly. I'm gonna have to carry you to the nurse's office," he said to Ash. Ash nodded and wrapped his arms around Brendan's neck. "You holdin' on tight?" Brendan asked him. Ash nodded once more. Brendan then put his arms under the back of Ash's knees to hold him up. He slowly stood. Ash held onto him tightly, but not too tight; he didn't want to make it hard for Brendan to breath.

"C'mon, May. Let's go," Brendan said to May as she stood up slowly and faced him. May nodded and followed Brendan toward the gym's door, picking up the trophy along the way.

"Brendan! What happened?" Tory asked when Brendan walked past him, Tracey and Brock.

"Can't talk right now. I'll tell you later," Brendan replied as he rushed out the door and into the hallway. Curious and worried about their friend, Tory, Tracey and Brock ran after them.

A few minutes later, Brendan, May, Tory, Tracey and Brock all stood in the nurse's office, trying to explain what was wrong with Ash.

"The Magnolium Virus? That boy shouldn't even be in school!" the nurse exclaimed.

"We know, but he took this medicine that was supposed to cure him, and we thought it was working, so he came to school, and now something is really wrong with him," Brendan said, talking unusually fast because he was growing impatient.

"Yes, something is indeed wrong with him," the nurse replied. "If he is having this much of a problem only a day or two after he took the medicine, then he is either allergic to it or it's just not working." Brendan looked back to Ash.

"Ash, are you allergic to the medicine or something?" he asked. No reply. "Ash?" Brendan asked, a little louder. "Ash!"

"I don't think he can hear you," May said softly.

"Why not?" Brendan asked angrily.

"He passed out," May replied.

"What!?" Brendan exclaimed. The nurse walked over to them.

"Lay him on the bed," she told Brendan calmly. Brendan gently layed Ash on the bed behind him. It turned out Ash hadn't really been holding on to Brendan's neck for a while. Brendan had been holding him up the whole time. This was found out when Ash's arms lifelessly fell onto the bed beside him when Brendan leaned back. The nurse ran a few tests on him. Finally, she was able to approach Brendan, Tory, Tracey, May and Brock with a report.

"Ash has gotten no better over the past day. The medicine seems to be completely useless," she said softly. Brendan bolted up from the bench he was sitting on.

"But the storekeeper said it took a couple of days, not just one!" he argued.

"Yes, but I ran a test on him and studied the medicine, and I can tell that it's not going to work," the nurse replied. "I'm going to call the hospital and see if they can come and pick Ash up." She then walked off, clutching the clipboard in her hands tightly. Brendan stared after her.

"This can't be happening," he muttered.

Ash_Fan_#1
27th September 2006, 2:15 AM
Whoa!! Awsome chapter not realy long but way to keep us waiting anxiously. Please get the next chapter up! Best chapter yet.

omnimon206
27th September 2006, 4:19 AM
I congratulate you. I just read the whole story, and it's great! I have been a giant Pokemon and HSM fan since the day they first appeared, and your using them perfectly together.

The Doctor
27th September 2006, 4:15 PM
Don't double post Ash_Fan_#1. The edit button isn't there just to look good. And as for you, jessieneese, in Chapter 25, there were three things wrong straight off the bat; 1) Mightyena used Take Down, which wouldn't have affected Dusclops; 2) Dusclops cannot use Psybeam; and 3) Psybeam wouldn't affect Mightyena.

But issues aside; don't live on mindless praise. A true reviewer would point out things that were wrong in the story, not merely say "OMG IT WAS SOOO GOOD 10/10 LOL". Unfortunately, the majority of the "reviewers" are doing just that. Your ego gets inflated and you confidently expect yourself to reach the standards of all the best authors on Serebii...only for your ego to be punctured.

Critics, please try and point out errors; no story is perfect. So don't pretend this is.

Skye-kun
27th September 2006, 5:41 PM
I have to say, it's a great fan fic, but a little critisism
Try and stay to the main plot of HSM, cos Chad and Misty, protraying Sharpay and Ryan, are supposed to plot, and Misty's supoosed to be quite cold, so yeah

jessieneese
27th September 2006, 8:02 PM
Do you plan to Make HSM into a fanfic whenever it comes out in January?

Do you mean the sequel? And I think it's supposed to come out next summer...

If so, then yes, I most definetly will make a High School Musical - Pokemon Style 2. I'll just have to watch High School Musical 2 a million times and get the soundtrack for it like I did the first one.

I know this wasn't my longest chapter, but I sort of had a writer's block; I ran out of ideas for that chapter at the last minute. The next chapter will be longer, and hopefully better. So, be looking for it I guess. :)

jessieneese
30th September 2006, 7:21 PM
Chapter 27: Team Rocket appears

A few hours later, Ash was in a hospital room with a bunch of nurses crowded around him. May, Tory, Tracey, Brock and Brendan stood outside the room, awaiting a report. Brendan constantly looked down the hall on both sides.

"That's it! I can't take it anymore! I'm going down to the Natural Herb store to see what went wrong with the medicine. Anyone coming with me?" he said. Brock and Tracey came up off the wall.

"I'll go!" they both said. Brendan nodded.

"You can both come. I have this weird feeling that something or someone is waiting on us there, and we'll need our Pokemon," he said. Tracey and Brock each grabbed a Poke Ball.

"Let's go!" Brock exclaimed. Brendan nodded.

"May, you and Tory stay here and keep an eye on Ash. Call us if anything happens," he said, turning to May. She nodded.

"Good luck you guys!" Brendan, Tracey and Brock then took off down the hall toward the elevator. Simultaneously, the door to Ash's room opened, and a nurse came out. May and Tory looked up at her, waiting for any news on Ash's condition.

"He's still really sick, but not as sick as he could be. We'll continue to keep an eye out for any changes," she said, never taking her eyes off of the clipboard in her hands. After that, she walked down the hall, followed by a stream of nurses coming out of Ash's room. May and Tory slipped in before the door shut. May was the first to reach Ash. She sat on one of the stools beside his bed. Tory drew up another and sat beside her. The machine beside the bed beeped every other second, letting them know that Ash's heart was still beating properly. May took Ash's hand in her own.

"Ash, I'm so sorry this happened to you," she said softly. Her eyes began watering. Tory stared at Ash.

How could this have happened? he wondered to himself.


***

"C'mon, just a little farther!" Brendan yelled as he led Tracey and Brock toward the Natural Herb store, which, by now was in view up ahead.

"Brendan, are you sure that's it?" Tracey called out. Brendan nodded.

"Positive," he replied. Pretty soon, they were at the store's door. Brendan took a deep breath and opened it, causing a small bell to ring.

That wasn't there before, he thought to himself. The chubby man from before appeared behind the desk.

"Oh, hello Brendan! How've you been?" he said cheerfully. Brendan approached the desk, Tracey and Brock on either side of him.

"I've been fine," he replied. "It's my friend I came here to talk to you about."

"You mean the black headed one?" the man asked. Brendan nodded. "Well, what seems to be the problem?" the man questioned.

"That medicine you gave him? Yeah, it didn't work," Brendan said.

"Really?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow as he leaned against the desk.

"Yeah, really. He's up in the hospital right now, probably on the way to death!" Brendan exclaimed.

"So, what do you expect me to do about it?" the man asked in a rude manner.

"Well, you made every medicine in here, right? Can't you tell us of any other cures for the Magnolium Virus?" Brendan questioned.

"No, I didn't make the medicine, and I don't think there's another cure for that Magnolium Virus," the man replied. "So, I suggest you get out of my store before I'm forced to-"

"Lenny! What's going on out there?" a woman's voice bellowed from the back of the store, causing the man to stop in the middle of his sentence.

"Uh, um n-nothing! Nothing at all!" the man shouted back.

"Better not be. Remember what I told you about problems with customers?" the voice shouted back. Finally, a woman appeared in the doorway. She wore a black jumpsuit with a red R embriodered on the front. Her hair was a golden yellow, and her eyes resembled a purple color. She froze when she saw Brendan, Tracey and Brock standing on the other side of the counter. "Oh, so it was you causing all of the commotion," she said, an evil smile spreading over her face. "Well, we have just the place for trouble makers like you." She turned to the back. "Jessie! James! Get out here! I've got another assignment for you!" she yelled. She stepped aside, and a man and woman stepped into the room.

The woman had long red hair that looked as if it had been smothered with hair gel and struck into a ridiculous shape with a curl at the bottom and blue eyes. She wore a white shirt with a red R on the front of it with a black tanktop underneath. A white mini skirt was worn on her bottom half, along with long, black boots that came up a little above her knees. Long, black gloves covered her arms.

The man had a similar oufit, except with shorter boots that only came to his ankles and white pants instead of a skirt. His shirt was also longer, covering most of the top part of his body, except for a small part that revealed the black shirt underneath, unlike the girl's, which showed her middle. He had shoulder length purple hair and green eyes. A Meowth also appeared between the two.

Brendan and the others gasped.

"Jessie? James? Meowth? What are you all doing here?" Brendan questioned.

"Isn't it obvious? We took over this dinky old shop and got Chubby here to sell medicine to cover us," Jessie replied. Brendan tured to Lenny.

"You were working for Team Rocket?!" he asked angrily.

"No, I was more of a slave, serving as a cover-up for them," he replied.

"What about that medicine we gave to Ash?" Tracey questioned Jessie, James, the blone headed girl and Meowth.

"Well, the other two bottles were real medicine, but the one that was meant for the Twerp, we put something in it before it was sold to make sure his sickness got worse instead of better," the blonde headed girl replied.

"But, how did you know which one Lenny would give us?" Brendan questioned.

"We put something in a certain bottle and ordered him to give it to you," Jessie replied.

"How did you know about Ash's sickness in the first place?" Brock questioned.

"We were watching you when you walked in, plus we heard the whole conversation," James replied.

"One more question," Brendan said. "How did you know that that specific bottle would be given to Ash?" The blond headed woman smiled sheepishly.

"We didn't. We just got this sucker to sell it to you and hoped for the best. Luckily, our plan worked," she replied. "Now, enough questions! Jessie, James! Get them!" With that, the red headed girl and the purple headed boy jumped over the counter and grabbed one of the boys. Tracey was left uncaptured. "Nick! Get him!" the girl cried, pointing at Tracey. A man appeared from the back. He had brown hair and brown eyes, and wore an outfit similar to the girl's. He grinned evily and jumped over the counter. He came for Tracey. Tracey backed up slowly.

"Tracey! Run! Go get help!" Brendan yelled.

"But what about you?" Tracey asked.

"Don't worry about us! Go get help!" Brendan yelled. Tracey stood where he was, staring at Brendan. Nick continued to walk toward him. "GO!" Brendan yelled. Tracey then turned and bolted out of the store's door.

"Should I go after him?" Nick questioned. The girl shook her head.

"Nah. These two are enough. C'mon. Let's get them to the back," she said. Jessie, James and Nick then walked around to the back of the counter and into the back room, Brendan and Brock captivated in their arms.


***

Tracey ran through the feilds toward New Bark, hoping to find someone, anyone to help him. He ran into the town and toward New Bark High. The teachers and students should still have been there, so he decided to find one of them and tell them what was going on in the store just outside of town.

He ran through the school's doors and down the hallway toward the cafeteria, where everyone was supposed to be.

He burst through the doors and yelled, "I need help!" Everyone turned and looked at him as if he were crazy.

"Tracey, what is the meaning of this?" Ms. Hotaru approached him with a stern look on her face.

"Ms. Hotaru, you've gotta help me! See, me and two friends of mine, Brendan and Brock, went down to the Natural Herb store to talk to the owner. Well, it turns out Team Rocket is there, and they've got Brendan and Brock, holding them captive! Please, you have to come with me. There's no telling what they're gonna do to them!" Tracey cried. Ms. Hotaru looked at him blankly. Then, he face turned into a stern, teacher's gaze.

"This had better not be a trick, Tracey," she said firmly.

"It's not! I promise you! Brendan and Brock are in danger!" Tracey cried.

"Alright, I'll buy it," Ms. Hotaru said. She then turned around. All of the teachers and students were still staring at Tracey with a weird look. "Alright, I need about four or five teachers along with a bunch of students to come with me. We have two students in danger down at the Natural Herb store outside of town. Who want's to come?" Ms. Hotaru called out. Five teachers stepped forward, and a bunch of students' hands shot up into the air. "Ok, all of you. Let's go! Tracey, lead the way," Ms. Hotaru said.

"Yes ma'am!" Tracey said. He then turned around and bolted out the cafeteria's doors, Ms. Hotaru, five other teachers, and half of the student body following him.


***

Back at the hospital, May and Tory were still in Ash's room. It was growing into the dark hours. May was worried because Brendan, Tracey or Brock hadn't called yet.

"Do you think we should call one of them?" she asked Tory. Tory looked at the cell phone in his hand.

"No," he said. "I know we should call one of them." May nodded. Tory then dialed in a few numbers and held his phone to his ear. May heard another voice on the other line.

"Brendan?" Tory asked. After listening for a few moments, his face showed a puzzled expression. He hung up and clipped the phone to his belt.

"What is it?" May asked.

"Something's gone wrong at the Natural Herb store. That wasn't Brendan who anwered the phone. It was some woman. I could hear screaming and yelling in the background, so unless some teenagers are in the store pitching a fit, then Brendan, Tracey and Brock are in big trouble," Tory replied. "We should probably go down there and help them."

"But, what about Ash?" May asked, glancing back at the young boy in the hospital bed.

"Tell you what," Tory started. "I'll go down to the store to help the others, and you stay here with Ash. Ok?" May nodded.

"Good luck," she said, giving him and encouraging smile. Tory returned the smile and ran out of the room. May sighed and turned back to Ash. His red and black hat had been removed and was lying on the small table beside the bed. May reached foward and ran a hand through his dark, messy hair. "Come on, Ash," she whispered. "I know you can make it through this."

omnimon206
1st October 2006, 4:27 AM
Great chapter! It's about time TEam Rocket did something right

Mario Man
5th October 2006, 11:20 PM
I've read the last few Chapter's and Ihave to say, Great Job Jeeseneese! Ohh, and for all those loversof Eureka 7, I'm writing a Fan Fiction on Eureka 7 with Eureka, Renton, Ash, Brock, Misty and A New Mystery characther i'll release later! Stay tooned for it!

jessieneese
10th October 2006, 12:28 AM
Yes, as a matter of fact, here's the next one. :D

____________

Chapter 28: Revival?

"This way!" Tracey yelled as he led all of his followers to the Natural Herb store.

"Ok, now some of us need to stay out here," Ms. Hotaru said once they reached the store.

"Actually, most of us should stay out here," another teacher said. "There's like 200 of us."

"Yeah, she's probably right, Ms. Hotaru," Tracey stated. "I'll only need about 10 people to come in with me."

"Well, one of them's gonna be me," Ms. Hotaru said, flashing Tracey a quick smile.

"Alright then. Step over here," Tracey ordered. It felt wierd telling his teacher what to do. "Alright. I need about nine more people over here. The rest of you stay out here and guard the store. Now, who wants to come with us?" he yelled to all of the people gathered in front of him. Four girls stepped forward. "Courtney?" Tracey asked in astonishment. "You actually want to help?"

"Yeah. I sort of felt bad about the way I treated Ash and the rest of you. Now he's sick and two are in there in danger, so I decided to help out," she replied. The other three girls nodded in agreement. Tracey shrugged.

"Alright. Step on over here," he said. Courtney and the other girls walked over beside Tracey and Ms. Hotaru. "I need four more people," Tracey called out to the others. "Anyone else want to come?" Two boys and two girls stepped forward. Tracey motioned for them to join him and the other five people around him. Ms. Hotaru then took charge.

"Ok. The rest of you, release a Pokemon if you have one and guard the store. Don't let any suspicious people in or out of it. Got it?" she yelled to the remaining students and teachers. All nodded, and about a hundred Poke Balls were thrown into the air. Tracey then led Ms. Hotaru, Courtney and the others into the store, all with a Poke Ball in hand.


***

Tory ran as fast as he could from the hospital to the store; a very long run. He stopped only for a second to catch his breath, then continued running toward his destination.

Pretty soon, he could see the store up ahead, with about a hundred people standing around it.

Oh, I hope all of them aren't Team Rocket members, he thought to himself. When he reached the store, he was relieved to see that it was just a bunch of students and teachers from New Bark High. Although he was confused as to why they were all there, he ran ahead still, until he approached one of the teachers. She held out her hand and stopped him.

"And who are you?" she asked sternly. When Tory looked up at her, she recognized him. "Oh Tory!" she exclaimed. "I suppose you're here to help?" Tory nodded. The teacher nodded and turned to everyone else. "It's ok everyone! It's Tory! Let him through!" Tory then made his way through the cleared path of people toward the store. Pulling on the handle, he entered.

There in front of him was Tracey, Ms. Hotaru, Courtney, the "Courtney zombies" and four other kids he didn't know. Tracey turned around.

"Tory!" he exclaimed. "You're just in time. Send out a Pokemon to fight Team Rocket!" Tory then realized that Tracey and all of the others were facing Team Rocket, ready to battle. Brendan and Brock were nowhere to be found. Tory threw a Poke Ball into the air and his Plusle appeared.

"Plusle, use Shockwave on the nearest enemy!" he shouted. The Pokemon obeyed and sent out a blue-white bolt of electricity at a Seviper.

"Marill, Water Gun!" Tracey yelled.

"Gengar, Hypnosis!" Ms. Hotaru shouted.

"Kingler, Water Pulse!" two boys shouted in unision.

"Beautifly, String shot!" two girls comanded at once.

"Flareon, Fire Blast!" Courtney called out. The "Courtney zombies" seemed to not have any Pokemon.

Team Rocket's Pokemon seemed paralyzed as the barrage of attacks came at them. The trainers didn't seem to be able to call out a command. All of the Pokemon ended up fainting, and the Rocket members were left gritting their teeth and cursing under their breath.

"Oh, just take the stupid kids! I don't even know why were captured them in the first place," the blonde headed girl stated. She then threw down a ball and a cloud of smoke appeared. Everyone shielded their faces as the smoke filled the room. When it finally cleared, Team Rocket was gone. Everyone recalled their Pokemon.

"Tracey, Tory, you two go get Brendan and Brock. I'm going to go ahead and lead the others back to the school," Ms. Hotaru said. Tory and Tracey nodded. "Alright everyone, move out!" Ms. Hotaru called out, shooing everyone out the door.

Tory and Tracey jumped over the counter and ran into the back. Brendan and Brock were tied up in the middle of the room, their mouths taped shut. That was probably a good thing for Brendan, since he was muttering something unpleasant behind it. Tory rolled his eyes and he and Tracey untied them. They carefully took the tape off of their mouths. Brendan leaped up as soon as everything was off of him, followed by Brock.

"Stupid kids!?" he cried. "She called us stupid? Boy, if I'd have been able to talk at that moment-" Tory cut him off.

"Save it for the debate club," he said. Brendan scowled.

"C'mon! We have to get back to the hospital!" Tracey cried. With that, he and the other ran out of the room, jumped over the counter and ran out the door toward the hospital.


***

"Ma'am, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave," a nurse was arguing with May in Ash's hospital room.

"But, you don't understand. I can't leave him," May stated, never moving an inch as the nurse tried to push her out of the room.

"I believe we'll be able to take care of him without you around til morning, little missy," another nurse stepped in. May gritted her teeth.

"No, I'm trying to tell you-" The first nurse cut her off.

"You ain't stayin' and that's final!" she yelled. May was about to say something when a low groan caused them all to look toward Ash.

On the hospital bed, he slowly opened his eyes and looked around the room.

"What happened?" he muttered. At once, nurses surrounded his bed, all asking him questions like, "How do you feel? Does your head hurt? Do you need anything?" Ash seemed a little overwhelmed as he looked from nurse to nurse, trying to answer all of their questions. May smiled to herself. At least he was awake and alive.

"PIKA PI!" Everyone grew silent and turned around to see a small yellow Pokemon with a lightning bolt shaped tail leap onto Ash's stomach on the bed. It crawled up to his chest, nuzzling its head against his neck.

"Hey buddy," Ash said quietly.

"Chaaa," Pikachu cooed. Ash looked up at the nurses.

"Um, could all of you come back a little later? You're making me feel a little uneasy," he asked them. They all nodded and filed out of the room. The one from before started to push May out of the room. "Uh, she can stay," Ash called out. The nurse reluctantly left May alone and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. May walked back over to Ash's bedside.

"So, you're feeling better, huh?" she said, sitting on the stool she had been sitting on before.

"A little. Still a little dizzy," Ash answered. "Where are Brendan and all of the others?"

"Um, they went down to the Natural Herb store to see what wnet wrong with the medicine, and I haven't seen them since," May responded. "Tory was here, but he left a few minutes ago to go see what was going on with the others." Ash coughed a couple of times. May got a worried look on her face.

"Don't worry," Ash laughed. "I'm ok." May smiled uneasily. Then, seemingly forgetting all about Ash's contagious virus, she moved forward and took him in her arms, embracing him tightly. Pikachu had moved down to Ash's stomach by now, so it didn't have to worry about anything.

Ash was a little surprised by May's actions at first, but afterwards put his arms lightly around her and hugged her back.

"Ash, you have no idea how much you scared all of us," May said into his ear. "I'm really glad you're ok."

"Yeah," Ash said. "I am too."

Ash_Fan_#1
10th October 2006, 2:23 AM
Great chapter. I'm was wondering were Pikachu went. Anyhow keep going this is great. One question, what happened to Misty?:surfpika:

Kyuubii
10th October 2006, 3:30 AM
...I'm back to check up on you!

Might I say: I'm impressed. It seems you took my, Yami, and Quackerdrill's advice seriously from a few pages back (Zephyr Flare too). The length and description have definitely improved from earlier chapters, although there is still much more to be gained in the latter category. Also, there is little grammar mistakes, although I don't remember it being much of a problem back then. You've strayed from the storyline a bit, while still keeping the same basic feel and style, for which I must commend you. Few authors are able to do that in a fic like this. (I also seem to remember that one of the main problems before was that you stuck too much to the storyline)

In closing I'd like to say: Good job on improving. There is still much more to improve on, *cough*description*cough*, but overall you are doing better.

Kyuu

AerialAce!
17th October 2006, 3:43 PM
"Wow. I don't know what to say. You're a Pokemon, so you can't be in the Musical, but I'll certainly give you a prize. Some Yellow Pokeblocks, maybe?" Ms. Hotaru said.
Be careful with the yellow Pokéblocks. You don't want Pikachu to be too tough, or it'll look like this:
http://www.creativeworlds.net/Artwork/pokeyblox.PNG

Skitty
20th October 2006, 6:43 PM
I have just starting reading this story (on Chapter 19) and I would like to point out that in the beggining of the story Brenden's last name was Birch and in Chapter 18 it says it was Stone

jessieneese
20th October 2006, 9:34 PM
I have just starting reading this story (on Chapter 19) and I would like to point out that in the beggining of the story Brenden's last name was Birch and in Chapter 18 it says it was Stone

Ooh, that's a big mistake, isn't it? I'll go back and change that in a little while. As for now, I'm gonna get that next chappie up!
______________

Chapter 29: Patching everything up

Tory, Tracey, Brock and Brendan ran into the hospital. Brendan accidently bumped into the front desk, which probably didn't feel too good.

"May I help you?" the young woman behind it asked him calmly, peering over the counter at Brendan. Tory, Tracey and Brock walked up behind him, all panting from the long run. Brendan leapt up, seemingly unharmed.

"Yeah. Can you tell us which room Ash Ketchum is in?" he asked her. The nurse gave him a quick nod and turned to the computer placed near her on the right. After typing in a few keys and clicking on a few things, she turned back to the group of boys gathered around the counter.

"I'm sorry," she gave them a sympathetic smile, "but he passed away a short time ago."

"WHAT?!" Tracey, Brendan, Tory and Brock cried. Many people in the lobby turned and looked at them strangely. The nurse glanced back at the computer.

"Oh, you said Ash Ketchum? He's in room 316. Made a great recovery. Sorry about that," she said. Brendan clenched a fist.

"I'm guessing you're new to this job?" he asked through clenched teeth. The nurse nodded and gave a sheepish smile.

"Yeah. I just started a couple of weeks ago. But, that's not the problem. I thought you said Dash Kelpler," she told him. Brendan sighed.

"Room 316, right?" he asked her. She nodded once more. Brendan turned to the others. "Alright. Let's go."


***

May finally released Ash and sat back, blushing slightly. A soft knock sounded from the door across the room.

"Come in," Ash called out hoarsely. The door opened, and Misty and Chad stepped in. They were still dressed in their stage clothes, suggesting they had just found out about the incident and rushed over to the hospital without changing.

"We heard about what happened Ash," Misty said. "Are you ok?" Ash nodded and smiled at her.

"Yeah. They'll probably be letting me out in about a day or so," he told her.

"Listen, Ash. I'm sorry about all of those rude remarks I gave you about the musical. When I saw you and May up on that stage singing, I realized that that was wrong of me. Um, just to let you know, you won." At this, Misty glanced at May. "Ms. Hotaru's gonna give you your prize whenever you get back to school." May smiled at Misty.

"You know, I never really got the chance to meet you and talk to you, but I have a feeling that you're a very sweet and kind girl," she told her. Misty smiled back.

"Thank you May," she said. "I'm sure you're the very same way."

"True that," Ash said, causing everyone to laugh, and May to blush.

Just then, Tory, Brendan, Tracey and Brock all ran in through the open door.

"Ash! You're alright!" Tory cried.

"Uh yeah," Ash responded. The group of boys added to the trio of people already gathered around Ash's bed.

A nurse then walked in.

"I'm sorry, but all of you are going to have to leave. Ash needs his rest. We'll test him again tomorrow and see if we can get him back in school before Monday," she said. Everyone grumbled different things, then slowly filed out the door, all uttering good-byes to Ash. "Alright son, let's get some tests over with, and then you can go to sleep, alright?" the nurse asked Ash. She had an unusually rude tone to her voice, and Ash had a strange feeling that she was going to hurt him. Despite this fear, he nodded slightly, watching the nurse pull out a needle.

Aw man, he thought. I hate shots!The nurse then stuck the needle in his arm. Ash felt a small sting as the needle sunk into his skin, then, he suddenly fell asleep.


***

The next day, May and Brendan awoke rather late. Glancing at the clock, May realized it was after ten. She glanced over at Brendan, who was sitting up and doing a combination of yawning and stretching.

"Do you know if Ash is home yet?" she asked him, mainly out of curiousity. Brendan shook his head.

"Nope. I fell asleep pretty much right after I sat down," he told her. May then leapt up and went upstairs, listening and looking for any signs of Ash being home. She spotted Monica entering the bathroom, her hair messy and ruffled. She had obviously just gotten up, too.

May continued down the hall toward Ash's room. She knocked on the door softly. Getting no reply, she pushed it open and found nothing. Ash's room was empty. He had obviously not returned home the night before. This was also concluded by his untouched bed which was placed near the middle of the room. The blankets and pillows still lay messed up and out of line, as they had been since Friday morning.

May sighed and walked out of the room. She walked back down the hall and down the stairs.

"Anything?" Brendan asked when she arrived back in the living room. She shook her head.

"No. He's obviously still in the hospital," she responded. Brendan sighed and dropped back on the couch.

"Well, they're probably not going to let us in today, so all we can do is wait," he said, flicking on the TV and begginning to flip through the channels.

"Yeah, I guess so," May muttered. She plopped down onto the couch and crossed her legs, watching Brendan flip through the channels. Monica walked down the stairs in her pajamas, her hair still messed up. May and Brendan glanced up at her, then put their hands over their mouths. Stiffled laughs could faintly be heard escaping theirs lips.

"What's so funny?" Monica demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Got a hint for ya," Brendan said, ignoring the girl's question. "Next time, use lots and lots of hair spray. Maybe you'll get that frizzy mess to lay down straight then." He and May then burst into laughter. Monica let out a frustrated growl. A hint of an embarrassed blush crept across her face as she marched back upstairs to fix her hair.


***

A day later, May, Brendan, Tory, Tracey and Brock all walked into New Bark High.

"Man. They kept Ash in that hospital all weekend, and never notified us of anything," Brendan muttered. The others nodded in agreement.

"I hope he's alright," Tory mumbled. Everyone was looking at the floor glumly. Footsteps filled the hall behind them. May was the first to turn around. Her spirits were immidietly lifted.

"You're alright!" she cried, leaping into the person's arms. Everyone whirled around.

"Ash!" they all cried in unision. They couldn't recognize him by his clothes, just his face. He now wore a bluish-black, yellow and white sweatshirt with darker jeans and red and blue shoes. His gloves were the same, and his hat had only changed in one color. The shirt underneath his sweatshirt was no longer black but white.

May finally released him from her hug.

"How come they didn't let you out til today?" she asked.

"Well, the night you guys left, that nurse gave me a shot, and I sorta passed out again. I guess they figured I was still really sick, so they kept me over the weekend. I woke up this morning and they told me I was free to go if I was ready," Ash explained.

"Awesome!" Brendan said. "Glad to have you back, buddy." He gave Ash a slap on the back. Ash smiled and finally returned the slap to Brendan.

"Thanks. It's really good to be back," he smiled.

Misty and Chad suddenly came running down the hall toward the group.

"Hey guys! There's some sort of party going on in the gym. Are you coming?" Chad asked them. Everyone looked to Ash. He nodded.

"Yeah. I guess we are," Brendan said to Chad. He and Misty smiled.

"Let's go then!" Chad exclaimed, running down the hall with Misty at his heels. Ash and the others followed close behind.

"What exactly is this party for?" Ash muttered as he ran after Misty and Chad.

"I think it's to celebrate the musical, and the battle," Chad answered, putting a finger to his cheek as he thought. Ash shrugged.

"Ah well. A party's a party," he smiled. Everyone muttered something in agreement.

"Hey Ketchum, nice to see you again," Ms. Hotaru greeted Ash when he walked through the gym's door. "I believe this is yours." She then pulled May up alongside Ash and held a small trophy out to both of them. "For your excellence in the Winter Musical," she smiled. Ash and May returned the smile. Ms. Hotaru then walked off. Ash turned to May.

"Y'know, I've been thinking. How did you overcome your stage fright when we were singing?" he asked her.

"Well, I guess when I looked at you, the audience seemed to disappear, and it was like I was just singing alone with you, with no one else in the room," May answered, blushing a little. Ash smiled at her.

"Believe it or not, I was scared when we got up on that stage," he told her.

"Really?" May asked.

"Yeah. I was afraid that I would start coughing or something and ruin the performance," Ash answered. "But, when I started looking at you, I sort of had the same results, but was able to look at the crowd after a while." Brendan popped up between them, startling them both.

"Looks like you two like each other," he stated.

"Brendan, now's really not the time," Ash whispered to him.

"It's never the time with you," Brendan argued. "I'm just stating the obvious." Ash sighed.

"Well could you state it a little quieter?" he asked, eyeing all of the students gathered near them. Brendan rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he muttered.

Suddenly, a bunch of students started playing giant drums in a rythmic beat, as if they were playing some sort of music for the "party". Ash bit his lip, then started singing, first quietly, as if to himself, then louder, where everyone else could hear.

"Here and now,
it's time for celebration.
I finally figured out.." A Pokemon Battler approached him, and slapped him on the back. Ash smiled at him, recognizing Brendan's smile. A group of boys had gathered and were moving around to the beat the drums were playing, as well as Ash's singing.

"Yeah, yeah
That all our dreams
Have no limitations
That's what it's all about" Ash found himself being slapped on the back once more and high fived by another boy. May then started singing. She had somehow gotten across the room and was making her way through a group of boys and girls toward Ash.

"Everyone is special in their own way
We make each other strong.
We're not the same, we're different in a good way
Together's where we belong" She finally reached the last boy, who took her and spun her around, as Ash did before. She bumped into someone. Looking up to apologize, she realized the person was Ash. The two stared at each other until everyone else starting singing, prompting them to do so also.

"We're all in this together
once we know
that we are
we're all stars
and we see that
we're all in this together
and it shows
when we stand
hand in hand
make our dreams come true...(oh) Chad's voice was then heard from somewhere up in the stands.

"We're all here
and speakin' out with one voice
we're gonna rock the house
yeah, yeah
the party's on
now everybody make some noise
come on scream and shout" He then jumped off the stands and landed in a group of people, who lifted him up over their heads. Misty walked alongside the stands and under Chad, coming out on the other side, being greeted by Ash, Brendan, May, Tory, Tracey and Brock, who had all found their way to each other.

"We've arrived
because we stuck together
champions one and all" Everyone then joined in and started singing again.

"We're all in this together
once we know
that we are
we're all stars
and we see that
we're all in this together
and it shows when we stand
hand in hand
make our dreams come true
We're all in this together
when we reach
we can fly
know inside
we can make it
we're all in this together
once we see
there's a chance
that we have
and we take it." The drums kept beating, but the singing stopped. Everyone then began walking around the room, greeting each other and talking excitedly. Brendan, Tory and Tracey all wandered off toward the snack table, and Brock wandered over to one of the girls standing nearby and began flirting with her. Misty and Chad were hanging out near the stands. This only left Ash and May. Not sure of what to say to one another, they stood beside each other silently, a sort of awkward feeling between them. Ash finally decided to speak.

"You know, I've only been going to New Bark High for a year, and I've already experienced a bunch of ups and downs, and good and bad things, but I can see now that my years at New Bark are going to be even better...now that I have someone like you around," he said, turning to May. The girl blushed and turned to face him.

"R-really?" she asked. Ash nodded.

"Absolutely," he smiled. He then found himself drawing closer to May. May also felt herself doing this. Pretty soon, the two had their lips pressed against each other, sharing for each of them, their very first kiss.

Brendan snuck up behind them and waited a few moments before popping up beside them, placing a hand on both their shoulders. Both jumped and turned to look at him.

"Yeah, sorry to interrupt your little moment, but do you think we could go see if that medicine worked on my dad and May's mom?" he asked. Ash blinked a few times.

"Oh, right! Let's get going!" he exclaimed. He then grabbed May's hand, pulling her along behind him. "Um, Ms. Hotaru? We really need to go somewhere. Can we be excused for the day?" he asked timidly as he approached his History teacher. She turned to him.

"Of course," she smiled. "School is being cut short today, so that's perfectly fine. Just be sure to take your trophies with you." Ash smiled.

"Thanks Ms. Hotaru," he said. He then ran toward the door, grabbing the Musical trophy on the way. Brendan followed closely behind, grabbing the Battle trophy as he ran.

Pokedex
20th October 2006, 11:32 PM
Nice ^^
I've been reading this from the first chapter, and although you may not be the best of writers (don't take that personally), the story certaintly was interesting.
Good job, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Endoplasmic Reticulum
22nd October 2006, 5:26 PM
Is this the last chapter? And here is a mistake you made:


Everyoen grumbled different things, then slowly filed out the door, all uttering good-byes to Ash.

This is what it should be:


Everyone grumbled different things, then slowly filed out the door, all uttering good-byes to Ash.

~()~WOBBUFFET~()~
22nd October 2006, 5:57 PM
Yes, as a matter of fact, here's the next one. :D

____________

"Alright. Step on over here," he said. Courtney and the other girls walked over beside Tracey and Ms. Hotaru. "I need four more people," Tracey called... No, that should be 5, not 4, more. Courtney's gang only has Courtney & 3 others, not 4 others.

jessieneese
24th October 2006, 8:49 PM
Alright. After reading over the chapter, I went back and edited it. I corrected all spelling errors, and added more scenes to the story. For instance, instead of skipping from Friday I went to Saturday and decscribed part of May and Brendan's morning, and then skipped to Monday, and edited some things there. Please read it over again if you want, and tell me what you think of it now. Also, the brackets are gone. :)

soul of legonds
25th October 2006, 11:49 PM
Interesting. but under standable. I know that this is the HSM styal but you could easly elabrate on this and take it to sore on to greater hights. you got time tell 2 comes if it ever dose. so feel free to put other things in here as well.

SilverCloudCatcher02
26th October 2006, 2:04 AM
Man it's been a while since I posted here. So far the story's not bad it's just that about the sickness thing, is it in the movie? (remember I've never seen it before)

jessieneese
26th October 2006, 9:14 PM
No, the sickness thing isn't in the movie. I just added that in as an interesting twist.

You know, I've been thinking. Do you guys think I should just keep going with the story and turn it into like a school thing, going through the months and such at New Bark High? Just a brainstorm. 'Cause nobody seems to want it to end, and I sort of don't either. I'll try not to go too far, though, because HSM 2 will be coming out soon, and I don't want to pass the point where that story starts out.

Endoplasmic Reticulum
29th October 2006, 1:14 PM
Yeah, do it during New Bark High. That would be interesting. Maybe there could be a spring musical, and you could make up some songs?

pokemaster3000
29th October 2006, 8:10 PM
You know, I've been thinking. Do you guys think I should just keep going with the story and turn it into like a school thing, going through the months and such at New Bark High? Just a brainstorm. 'Cause nobody seems to want it to end, and I sort of don't either. I'll try not to go too far, though, because HSM 2 will be coming out soon, and I don't want to pass the point where that story starts out.

My answer will be yes .Because i bet in HSM 2 it will be in school as well(i think,not sure).So it will be better with the spring musical too!

jessieneese
31st October 2006, 2:14 PM
I have just been informed that HSM 2 takes place during the characters' summer vacation, so I can go through the whole school year with Ash, May and all of their friends. How great is that? Though the HSM plot will be finished, so it'll just be a regular school year at New Bark High with all of the characters. Maybe another musical or two, also....

pokemaster3000
1st November 2006, 3:58 AM
I have just been informed that HSM 2 takes place during the characters' summer vacation, so I can go through the whole school year with Ash, May and all of their friends. How great is that? Though the HSM plot will be finished, so it'll just be a regular school year at New Bark High with all of the characters. Maybe another musical or two, also....

I think its great cuz like the way the HSM-Pokemon Style has been with the characters in school in HSM its the same still you could probably put a plot twist and in HSM 2 they(Sharpay and Ryan) will make Troy and Gabriella so why not do the same but better,but its just a suggestion and i also heard that the will make a HSM3 so that could be cool too if you make it into a story but like i said before its just a suggestion,anyway keep up the good work!

jessieneese
16th November 2006, 9:12 PM
Chapter 30: Pros and Cons

"Ok, Brendan's house is closer, so why don't we go there first?" Ash asked as the trio ran across the field. They all still had their backpacks, seeing as how they had just left the school.

"Yeah, sounds good," Brendan said.

"Fine with me," May stated. Ash nodded and turned to the left, leading the others toward Brendan's house.


***

A few short minutes later, all three were standing on Brendan's porch, waiting for his mother to answer the door. Instead, a young girl with bleach blonde hair and dark blue eyes answered it. She wore a tight red long sleeved shirt and tight faded out blue jeans. Black shoes covered her feet. Shiny lip gloss decorated her moderately large lips, and dark black eye liner circled her eyes.

"Yeah, what do you want, runt?" she asked Brendan rudely.

"Is Dad doing any better?" Brendan responded, ignoring her rudeness.

"Yeah. Doin' a lot better since Mom gave him that medicine. Is that all you wanted?" the girl asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. Uh, ask Mom when she wants me to come back home, alright?" Brendan answered.

"Alright. HEY MOM!" the girl yelled, turning back toward the house.

"Yes, yes, what is it?" Brendan's mother appeared at the door. "Oh Brendan! What do you need?"

"Um, I was wondering when you wanted me to come back home," Brendan told her.

"Well, later on today, maybe at five," Mrs. Stone replied.

"Ok. Thanks Mom," Brendan said. She nodded and closed the door.

"Hey Brendan, was that girl your sister?" Ash asked as they made their way across the field in the direction of May's home.

"Yeah. She's a total- uh, I'm not gonna go there," Brendan answered.


***

A few minutes later, May opened the door of her home and walked in. Brendan and Ash remained on the porch. A little boy came to the door. He had blue-black hair and brown eyes. Thick, black glasses framed his eyes. He wore a green shirt with brown shorts and green, black and white shoes.

"Hi," he said cheerfully. "Are you Ash and Brendan?" Both nodded slowly.

"My sister's told me a lot about you. Come on in," the boy said. "I'm Max, by the way." Ash smiled down at him.

"It's nice to meet you, Max," he smiled. Max returned the smile.

"Are you Ash Ketchum?" Ash looked up sharply at the intimidating voice.

"Um, y-yes sir," he answered, trying to avoid eye contact with the large man in front of him.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, son," the man's face broke into a smile and he extended a hand to Ash. Ash managed a small smile as he shook his hand. "Name's Norman, and I'm May's father. 'Course you prob'ly figured that out when you saw me, huh?"

"Dad used to be the leader of the Petalburg Gym back in Hoenn," May stated, suddenly appearing behind her father.

"Really? That's great, sir!" Ash commented.

"Indeed it is. Perhaps you and I could have a friendly one on one sometime, huh?" Norman asked.

"Yeah, that'd be great!" Ash answered. Norman then turned to Brendan.

"You must be Brendan Stone," he said, surveying Brendan. "From what I know, your name suits your personality. You're as hard headed as can be." Brendan just smiled politely. "Well, nice to meet you," Norman said, extending a hand to Brendan. He shook it.

"Nice to meet you too, sir," he smiled.

"Maybe you and I could also have a one on one battle sometime," Norman said. Brendan grinned.

"Yeah. I'd love that," he answered.

"So, how's your Mom?" Ash asked May.

"She's doing great," May responded, giving Ash a warm smile. "Already up and walking around her room." Ash returned her smile.

"That's great," he said.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going," Brendan announced. "C'mon guys." Ash and May nodded and followed him.

"Oh, Dad. What time you want me back home tonight?" May asked.

"Eh, about five, I guess," Norman answered.

"Ok. See ya then!" May said.

"Well, at least the Magnolium Cure worked on them," Ash said.


***

Half an hour later, the trio arrived at Prof. Elm's home. Ash walked in and tossed his backpack over by the staircase. May and Brendan dropped theirs by the door. Monica came down the stairs, a worried look on her face.

"Ash," she called out. Ash had made his way into the kitchen. Pikachu was searching through the cabinets for any Pokefood.

"Yeah?" Ash called back. Monica came into the kitchen. Brendan and May took seats on the couch in the living room. Ash felt icy hands on his shoulders. Pretty soon, he was spun around, and was facing Monica.

"There's been an accident," Monica told him.

"An accident? What kind of accident?" Ash asked her. Pikachu stuck its head out of the cabinet it was in. It hopped down onto the counter and onto Ash's shoulder.

"You mom, she-" Monica couldn't seem to tell him.

"What? What about my mom?" Ash's hearbeat increased - a sign of fear. "Did something bad happen to her?" Monica nodded weakly. "What? What happened to her?!"

"Just call Prof. Hale," Monica told him. Ash quickly took out his cell phone and dialed Prof. Hale's number.

"Hello?" Prof. Hale's voice came over the other end.

"Professor? I was just told something happened to my mom. Please tell me it was a lie," Ash said. Silence. Finally, the Professor spoke.

"No Ash. I'm sorry. What you were told was a hundred percent true," he told him. Ash swallowed down the lump forming in his throat.

"Wh-what happened to her?" he asked.

"I'll tell you later. Just get to Greenfield as soon as you can," Prof. Hale responded. The line then went silent. Ash took the phone away from his ear.

"What's happened now?" he whispered.

omnimon206
16th November 2006, 11:05 PM
You're pure evil. What happened to his mom?

SilverCloudCatcher02
17th November 2006, 12:38 AM
There were some spelling errors by the way, but somehow this kind of like sounding my story lol. Anyway great job!

Silent Conversation
17th November 2006, 9:48 PM
~()~WOBBUFET~()~, don't double post.

Jessinesse, your PM was wrong. The chapter wasn't at all, it was just a little too short though. I wonder what happened to Ash's mom. Did she get the sickness as well?

Mario Man
17th November 2006, 9:53 PM
Very good, solid, and dramatic chapter, even though it was short. It's nice that your getting the word out to everybody about your story.

Anyway, My Eureka 7/Pokemon crossbread story will be up in december sometime. I'm just writing down the rest of my Chapters. There will be around 80-90. So it might even be a little longer. But I promise it won't be after christmas.

Yami Ryu
7th December 2006, 5:23 PM
Also, I think I should report Yami Ryu's posts for foul language!

Off Topic: Lol my original posts here are old that's like reporting someone for spitting on you, five months after the fact.

On Topic: Wow look at all the mindless praise, so I am not suprised, at all, that this chapter, let alone the past ones, have had any improvement put upon them, or made, or probably even dreamed about. Just more skimped, rushed things dreamed up in five seconds and written in five minutes? These chapters have barely just enough effort to scoot underneath the rules radar, yet show the author of them doesn't want to put much heart or soul into it beyond that.

Yes writing is hard, but to not try and make something better when you know it can be? Shame. Shame on you, and shame on your mindless praise reviewers that don't want to see you blossom into an awsome writer, and stagnate as a rancid bud that won't ever bloom into anything.

So yeah, continue on your merry little I shall dig me a ditch of pathetic writing, ignore any and all attempts to get better and pray for the endless, mindless praise even though I don't do any work to deserve it.

And you mindless praisers, keep right on praising, it's not me digging a grave and breaking writers before they even have a chance. It's you all for not exposing the truth and helping them see they can be better than something worse than lack luster, someone that doesn't even try to be lack luster.

Zephyr Flare
7th December 2006, 6:20 PM
I've just had to kill an insane amount of posts as they were pure spam in this thread. Don't post unless you have something more relevent than "Omg i liek it lolol" because that was the majoeirt of postngs. Nor pester the writer to writer, we do when we do.

Just fair warning.

On the fic however, while skimming through killing these posts your length seems to bounce all over the place, at a glance look 2 1/2 if a bit more. Quality is more important than quantity, it's true but ending chapters on cliff hangers just to excuse shortness and "keep people reading" is not the most advisable.

Other than that I cannot comment since I have no idea about the series so would be unfair judgement.

Sandra

jessieneese
7th December 2006, 8:37 PM
I've noticed what you said about the length of my chapters, Zephyr Flare, and I admit, sometimes I do use cliffhangers as an excuse for shortness, but here lately it's been because of a writer's block. Sometimes, I can come up with good, lengthy chapters, and sometimes I get a sort of 'block', and the chapters end up being too short.

And Yami Ryu, you may be right, but it's not as if I'm the worst writer in the history of the world. I actually spend at least an hour on these chapters, even though they sometimes turn out to be somewhat crappy. I may not be the best writer in the world, but at least I'm trying, whether it shows or not. Yes, my chapters may sometimes be short or crappy, or seemingly effortless, but that doesn't mean I just spent five minutes or less on it. I've never been an awesome writer, and I probably never will be, but I can at least be given a little credit for trying.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 31: The Accident

Ash clipped his cell phone back on his belt and ran out of the kitchen. Monica at his heels. May and Brendan turned around when they heard Ash enter the living room.

"What's wrong?" May asked, seeing the fearful expression on his face.

"Something bad has happened to my mom. I have to get to Greenfield!" Ash answered. May and Brendan both leapt off the couch and ran to catch up with Ash as he bolted out the door, Pikachu jumping on his shoulder as he ran. Monica silently followed them all out of the house.

"We've gotta get to the train station before 3:00," Brendan yelled to Ash.

"What do you mean 'we'"? Ash asked him.

"Ash, you really think we'd let you go to Greenfield without us? And especially when something happened to someone we all know and love?" Brendan answered.

"Well, I-" Ash started to answer, but May cut him off.

"We're all in this together, Ash. Even if whatever has happened has nothing to do with us, we're not going to let you go through this alone,"she told him.

"That's right." Everyone turned around and looked at Monica, who was running behind them.

"Monica? Why are you coming?" Ash asked.

"On my first day at New Bark High, you were so nice to me; showing me around, introducing me to all of your friends, and most of all, becoming my first possible friend. But, when I met Courtney, all of that seemed to be erased. Although she seemed like it, Courtney wasn't a good friend. All she did was use me for her dirty work, then laugh if I got caught. You were the only one who showed me real friendship, and I didn't realize that until today," Instead of just answering his question, Monica gave Ash a full fledged apologetic story. Ash, May and Brendan all seemed surprised. Ash then slowed down, allowing May, Brendan and Monica to all catch up to him.

"Thanks guys," he smiled at all of them.

"Look, there's the train station!" Brendan cried, pointing up ahead.

"Great!" Ash exclaimed. "C'mon!" He then picked up his pace and ran into the station.

"Hello. What may I assist you with today?" the train attendent asked politely, giving Ash a warm smile.

"Um, is there any possible way this train can get us to Greenfield in under an hour?" Ash asked. He was trying his best not to let his lack of breath get the best of him.

"Well, we don't usually try anything like that, but in this case, we can make an exception," the train attendent smiled.

"Are you serious?" Ash asked, bewildered. He didn't think someone like this guy would try and take a teenager's request.

"As I can get," the train attendent replied. "You and your friends are the only ones boarding the train at this time anyway."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" Ash felt like hugging the man, but he held back.

"No problem. Now please go and find yourselves some nice seats so we can get moving," the train attendent told him. Ash nodded and hurriedly led the others inside, sitting in a seat placed near the window up front. May slid into the seat beside him, and Brendan and Monica sat in the seat behind them. After fastening his seat belt, Ash turned around to look at Monica through the gap between his and May's seats.

"So, no one told you what happened?" Monica shook her head.

"No, nothing," she answered. Ash looked supposedly toward the ground, which he couldn't see at the moment.

"Man, this just isn't my day," he muttered, turning back around and leaning against the seat.

"It's alright Ash," May's voice came to Ash's ears. "I'm sure she's going to be fine, whatever's happened." Ash sighed.

"I sure hope so."


***

A couple of minutes later, the train arrived in Greenfield. Ash, May, Brendan and Monica all shot out of the station, heading toward the Hale's Mansion. When they finally got there, fear and nervousness began to develope in all of them. The surroundings of the mansion no longer seemed as beautiful or as big.

Ash ran straight to the front door, nearly tripping over one of the stairs on the way up to the porch. He knocked rapidly. Prof. Hale opened the door seconds later, worry written all over his face.

"Oh, hello, Ash, May, Brendan. Please, come in." He noticed Monica, but didn't seem to know how to greet her at the moment.

"Professor, can you tell me what happened?" Ash asked, diving right into the subject.

"Well, you're mother was going out for a drive, and there was this drunken driver, and..." Prof Hale couldn't seem to continue. The lump was back.

"She's not-" Prof. Hale shook his head.

"We don't know that yet. We haven't even seen her. We were trying to get ahold of you all afternoon, but for some reason, we couldn't," he told him.

"Do you know where she is? Or what they're going to do with her?" Ash inquired.

"That, we're about to find out," Prof. Hale responded. He turned to the giant staircase descending from the above floor. "Molly! Let's go!" Molly appeared at the top of the stairs. She began to descend them as quickly as she could. When she reached the floor, she ran into Ash's arms. Ash knelt down to her level and looked her in her eyes. They were red, as if she had been crying, and bloodshot, from lack of sleep. How long ago had this happened?

"Ash, I'm so glad you're here!" Molly sobbed into Ash's sweatshirt.

"Come on, we need to go now," Prof. Hale said sternly. He headed toward the door and opened it, letting in a cold rush of air. The temperature had suddenly dropped, making it cold outside.

"Molly, do you have a coat?" Ash asked the sobbing girl in front of him. She shook her head.

"I lost it a couple of weeks ago," she answered.

"Well here." Ash then stood and removed his sweatshirt and placed it on Molly. It sort of dragged the floor, since she was so much shorter than he was, but it was pretty much guaranteed to keep her warm, with the warmth Ash's body had already put in combined with her own body heat.

"Thank you, Ash," Molly smiled up at him.

"No problem," Ash responded.

"Yeah, but what are you going to do about a jacket?" Monica asked Ash. He looked down at the plain white t-shirt he was wearing.

"Ah, I'll be fine," he told her.

"Nonesense." Everyone turned to see Prof. Hale reaching for a jacket on the coat rack - the only one left. It was a light brown color. Almost caramel, in fact. A thin, red stripe ran across the chest part. It jolted up in one spot, looking like someone's heart beat from one of the machines at the hospital. The hood had a sort of fuzzy fur-like fabric surrounding the edge. "Use this," Prof. Hale told Ash.

"Uh, thanks," Ash said, taking the jacket from Prof. Hale's hands. He put it on and zipped it all the way. It was unbelievely warm, considering the fact that it had just been hanging on a coat rack, with no heat put into it whatsoever.

"Seems to fit you perfectly," Prof. Hale observed. "You may have it if you'd like."

"Thank you Professor," Ash smiled. "Now, we need to get to the place where the uh, wreck happened. Can you take us?"

"Of course," Prof. Hale smiled. "Come on. We can take the car." He then lead the others outside, Ash picking Molly up along the way. It had started to snow slightly outside, which wasn't surprising, with how cold it had been. The small flakes floated down from above, landing on anything and everything below. Ash felt a few hit the top of his head as he followed Prof. Hale around the mansion to a garage-like place near the backyard. How come he'd never noticed that before? "Well, here's our car. We rarely use it, except for special occasions," Prof. Hale said. He walked up to the garage-like place and pressed a button to the left of the large, metal door. With a loud whirring sound, it slowly began rising up off the ground, revealing the car inside. It was a brand new SUV, painted completely in black. "You think we can all squeeze in here?" Prof. Hale asked Ash.

"Yeah, I think we can manage," Ash answered. The SUV was really big, he didn't see why Prof. Hale thought they'd have to squeeze anywhere. Prof. Hale then hurriedly went around it and opened the driver's door. He climbed inside and beckoned for the others to follow. Ash helped Molly get situated in the backseat between Brendan and May, then climbed into the passenger's seat up front. After everyone, including himself had fastened their seatbelts, Prof. Hale started the car and began backing out of the driveway. Pretty soon, they were on the road, heading toward the wreck scene that Delia had been involved in. Hopefully, they weren't too late.

Endoplasmic Reticulum
7th December 2006, 9:35 PM
Yay, Monica is important again! But seirously, why is she in the story anyway. Why did you create her? So far she has no point.

Forretress Fan
7th December 2006, 10:04 PM
Very good it adds to the drama of what happened to his mom.

A little short but keep going!

And its nice that Ash and May don't have any awkardness between ech other after their kiss.

I always thought Monica would come back in.

;munchlax;
;444;

Yami Ryu
7th December 2006, 11:07 PM
I've noticed what you said about the length of my chapters, Zephyr Flare, and I admit, sometimes I do use cliffhangers as an excuse for shortness, but here lately it's been because of a writer's block. Sometimes, I can come up with good, lengthy chapters, and sometimes I get a sort of 'block', and the chapters end up being too short.

If you have Writers block, leave the chapter, do something, come back, and get to work again. Don't use writers block as an excuse for poor chapters like you use cliffhangers, yes it can be hard to deal with but if you know the chapter ain't up to snuff, don't post it.


And Yami Ryu, you may be right, but it's not as if I'm the worst writer in the history of the world.

Yeah but you're still pretty bad atm :/


I actually spend at least an hour on these chapters,

.. I want to lol. I'm finding myself spending atleast 3 days, unless it's for prologues, and once I spent a week writing out a chapter, and a week and a half writing another chapter. Writing something in an hour is nothing to be proud of if all it contains is dialogue and poor action.


even though they sometimes turn out to be somewhat crappy.

See this is what rushing gets you.



I may not be the best writer in the world, but at least I'm trying, whether it shows or not.

If you were really trying there would actually be some improvement, there's nothing different betweeh what you posted now, and what I reviewed earlier, you've even fallen back onto the bad formatting I got at you earlier.


Yes, my chapters may sometimes be short or crappy, or seemingly effortless, but that doesn't mean I just spent five minutes or less on it.

No you rush it out in an hour :/


I've never been an awesome writer, and I probably never will be, but I can at least be given a little credit for trying.

I would, I really would, if what trying/effort of trying you've been putting into this, actually showed. So far all I see is you turning a blind eye and deaf ear to what advice was given to you way back, and claiming you have been trying, it just doesn't show- when there is no difference, or if there is difference it is so slight it is not even noticeable, between your newest chapters, and your last ones. Being a poor writer is no excuse, everyone is poor at something one time or another, I was a poor spriter, I got better. I was a poor artist, I slowly have gotten better. Using 'I am a poor writer' is one of the worst excuses in the book.

omnimon206
8th December 2006, 1:53 AM
I hate suspense. The only thing keeping me interested is how you've described what Molly and Prof. Hald were acting. How long ago did it happen, and why did he ask such a ridiculous question?

And guess what Yami Ryu. If you don't like the writing. DON'T READ IT! I know you're trying to help these writers, but you're doing nothing but crushing their self esteem. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything!

Ash_Fan_#1
8th December 2006, 3:05 AM
And guess what Yami Ryu. If you don't like the writing. DON'T READ IT! I know you're trying to help these writers, but you're doing nothing but crushing their self esteem. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything!

See Yami, I'm not the only one who tells you this.

elite4ex
8th December 2006, 6:39 AM
Great fanfic. However, I think the chapters are quite long already. And I also think Misty and May should switch roles. As in the Pokemon show, Misty likes Ash and May is just an apperentice to Ash.

sapira
8th December 2006, 7:29 AM
And guess what Yami Ryu. If you don't like the writing. DON'T READ IT! I know you're trying to help these writers, but you're doing nothing but crushing their self esteem. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything!

There is nothing wrong with constructive critisim. It is better than saying mindless praise with no advice what so ever. And there are going to be times where the truth hurts but that doesn't mean you should whine about it.

Endoplasmic Reticulum
8th December 2006, 12:58 PM
There is nothing wrong with constructive critisim. It is better than saying mindless praise with no advice what so ever. And there are going to be times where the truth hurts but that doesn't mean you should whine about it.

if yami used constructive critism, she wouldn't say that jesseneise was a terible writer.

Zephyr Flare
8th December 2006, 1:26 PM
If you post on a public area, you get crit. Mindless praise like the majority of you are posting makes writting WORSE so whose actually doing the bad thing here?

If you have writer's block why the heck are you writting? Forcing it maks it come out a mess which you even admit it does. Rushing makes it worse. An hour is how long you spend? It can take me months to write a chapter as I go over it again and again to ensure quality.

Stop pandering to the whiners going "I want chapter now plz" and take your time with it. Making them learn paitence will only do them a favour.


Being told you're terrible can kick start making you better. Nobody starts out perfect, they usually start out terrible (Trust me, looking at my stuff I wrote at 14 sucks 5 years on) so you have to WORK to achieve. Some are harsh crits that are not fluffy hugs as people whine they want. Disguising facts doesn;t help anymore than the mindless praise or "Don't you dare say anything negative you mean eprson D:".

Some writers and artists respond far better when they have the facts laid down to them and they stop makign excuses, stop pandering and try everything in their ability to shut that person up VIA IMPROVING THEIR WRITTING. I'm one of them, s'always worked a lot better than the trying to sugarcoat.


elite4ex - Quit mini-modding. Negativity does not equal swearing.


Now please, can we take this onboard.

Don't force yourself to write when you don't feel up to it.
Don't pander to your readers, it is done when it is done and not before.
Ensure you check repeatedly for mistakes and stems of flow for better writting, maybe an area needs reworking.
Mindless praising and excuses do not make a good author.


If you feel you must, take a break from this a little while and give yourself chance to get your energy back. Look at the areas commented that need work and even if the chapter is already in the works use that advice and go over it NOW. It's no good looking after a chapter is complete as it'll be next to useless, the start or in production is where you nail it to makke it better.

I hope you take this on board, the improvements will be quite drastic.


Sandra

soul of legonds
16th December 2006, 8:01 PM
Not bad, but the sence of ergance wasn't there. and even in times of caose there is time for humor. Now if i remember right the train normaly takes 3 hours getting there is 10 minutes would have made me regergetate my last meal. and you can add a bet more discription too. but still a nice chapter.

Fire_Gem
25th December 2006, 9:38 PM
I have one thing to say... this was a fairly good fan fic but your two latest chapters aren't as good as some others. Keep trying and I will keep reading.

xXPorygonXx
14th January 2007, 9:48 PM
I really don't know about this fanfic. It kinda seems like you're trying to delay the end of it. Maybe, once the second HSM movie comes out, you should try writing again. I'm not saying you should quit, just take a break for a while, read some other fics, and recuperate from your writers block. 'Til later, xXPorygonXx. out! ;137;

lunic
21st January 2007, 7:25 PM
well, xXPorygonXx, I think this fic is a nice adaption of the originle HSM. When I see the last song, if I like it, I'll say that this fic makes the first HSM look like c***, no offence jessieness if that sounded like an insult.

leafy-the-hedgehog
22nd January 2007, 7:26 PM
I like your fic it's quite good and i agree with everyone. I think you should read all the long reviews but the long reviews should have something good to say to make them fell better about there writing. Dont say all the bad things because the'll loose there confidence in writing which ends up with a very bad fic. thats just my opinion. I should tell my english teacher that.