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Cipher_Admin
18th June 2006, 4:06 AM
Note:I have made some improvements and I promise you this will be a good episode.


Poke’mon Adventures
Episode 3: The Breeding Center Disaster


After Chris’ win from Sanjay in Millennium City and obtained the Toxin Badge, he felt really happy for himself.
Anna and Davis said, “Congrats Chris, you are going to be a true champion soon.” They were walking to Plague City, but there was some breeding center they can rest at.
They knocked on the door and asked, “Is anybody home?”
After they asked, they barged right in to find the owner, but he was unable to answer because he was tied to a chair. The kids untied him and the old man said, “Thanks kids for saving my life.” They sat down and watched TV.
The old man said, “I am the Day Care Man, Do you know anything about Eggs?”
He gave the kids one Poke’mon Egg each for $5.00 each. Anna got an Egg that looks like a Slakoth’s fur. Davis got an Egg that looks like Shroomish’s dots. Chris got an Egg that looks like an Eevee’s body.
They said, “Thanks for the Eggs you gave us!”
He said, “No problem because lots of Eggs pop up everywhere in my backyard anyway, Those are what Eggs are, they hatch into new Poke’mon.”
They all had lunch at McDonald’s. After that, they were cleaning the center and replanting some new plants for Poke’mon to hang out in.
After they finished, he looked and said, “Ah… That looks beautiful, just the way I wanted it to look like.”
After working in his backyard for 3 whole hours, they all watched South Park. Chris was laughing his guts out when he saw some very funny scenes. Before dinner-time, Charlie and Sandra were spying on the kids. They want their hands on the Poke’mon in the backyard. They knocked on the door with their disguises as kids.
The Day Care Man asked, “Who the hell are you kids?” They said in a High-Pitched voice, “My name is Billy and her name is Eileen, we need to pick up our Poke’mon that we left here.”

The kids were spying on them hoping that they are not Team Rocket.
Anna heard one of them said some dirty things, “If we get these damn Poke’mon and butcher them, we’ll be millionaires!” The kids said, “Aha! You guys are Team Rocket!”
They took off their disguises and said, “Dammit! How did you know it was us all along?!”
Davis Explained, “We knew it all along because you forgot to disguise your faces!”
The two yelled, “Let’s battle now!”
Charlie and Sandra yelled, “Go Croconaw and Shedinja!” Chris and Anna Yelled, “Go Oddish and Ponyta!” The battle has started. Chris yelled, “Oddish, use Sunny Day!”
Anna yelled, “Ponyta, Use Flamethrower!” Then all of a sudden, Chris’ Oddish evolved into a Gloom.
They all said, “Wow, this is cool!” Team Rocket was defeated once again and blasted off to somewhere that won’t hassle the heroes during their journey.
The Day Care Man said, “Thanks for everything!”
Now our heroes are heading to Plague City for Davis’ first Poke’mon Contest.

To be continued……

Neko Godot
18th June 2006, 4:10 AM
Erm... this was bad. First off, the battle only lasted for about two sentences, and you didn't even describe how the good guys won. Product placement is always bad too. And you aren't supposed to post individual chapters seperately.

Yami Ryu
18th June 2006, 4:20 AM
RULE #6) Do NOT post separate threads for each chapter, it is extremely annoying and no one will ever find the fic start. I watched this lesson learnt the hard way on Pojo's.

I wonder how many other rules you've broken :D

Anyways way too ****ing short, not paragraphed properly. I suspect no improvement at all from the past two chapters. Rushed, tacky and overall pathetic.

:/ it's not even worth a burning critic it's that bad. Go read the damn Rules and Advice for Aspiring Authors thread before you get yourself banned for being stupid.