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Nylf
19th June 2006, 11:30 PM
Okay then, yes I restarted it. For the following reasons:
1) The thread was becoming SPAM central.
2) I’m suffering writer’s block, so I figured I’d just touch up some old stuff to help it wear off.
3) I’ve finally got the plot about 100% worked out, so the first chapters needed changing a bit.
4) I felt like it.

So without further ado, Emerald Lands, The Legend Reborn, is…reborn.


EMERALD LANDS, THE LEGEND REBORN


Prologue

The hot winds of the desert storm blew fiercely, battering stones, rocks, people, anything in their way. Pokemon were few and far between, the ferocious conditions forcing them underground to avoid the immeasurable heat and powerful sandstorms. Yet, in this seemingly inhospitable wasteland, three small figures stand out. A young boy, no older than ten, in a baggy green hoody, at least five years too big was sitting in the sand, not bothered at all by the burning heat. Next to him, a small bug, pitch black, with gigantic jaws. Hi Shiny Trapinch. And thirdly, his Torchic, it’s tiny orange body amazingly resistant to the heat and winds.

The boy and Trapinch casually toyed around with the sand, much like the desert were a beach. The Torchic however merely sat around, staring into the horizon longingly, almost hoping for someone familiar to him to appear. No-one came, except a recognisable sight for the little black bug.

Through the shimmering heat, a tall green dragon emerged. The red spheres which covered it’s eyes kept them safe from the sand, and it’s wide, paper thin wings served to release as much heat as possible, much like the long green antennae that ran from it’s head far down to the edge of it’s back. It landed next to the green haired boy, who now had half the desert down his big white shorts. Both he and the Trapinch smiled innocently at the large dragon, and, with it’s comparatively dainty three clawed hand, it waved down to them with a motherly smile. The gentle scene was swiftly interrupted, though, by the roar of metal blades.

Out of the sky, a huge navy blue helicopter descended, easily large enough to carry a whale. On it’s side door, an elaborate design of a skeletal 'A' and crossbones was printed in large white letters. It landed, large clouds of sodium crystals blown into the air as the blades skidded to a halt. The boy and his Pokemon slowly crawled closer, their curious getting the better of their instincts to run. The large dragon however, with narrowed eyes flew off.

Out of the helicopter came several people, all dressed in a similar uniform of blue and white striped T-shirts and jeans. They all wore blue bandannas with the same ‘A’ and crossbones icon as their helicopter. Some were carrying elaborate machines, none of which the boy or the Trapinch knew the names of. They went over to a gigantic rock, which despite being an almost ordinary rock, was unusually weathered, and appeared to be almost in the shape of the entrance to a temple or a similar structure. Several pebbles stuck out the front, in an odd pattern. The men scanned the rock using the machines, seemingly searching for something. The boy couldn’t place his finger on what though, but he could’ve sworn his grandfather had told him. Eventually, a large burly man with a beard let out a sigh, and signalled for the others to go back to the helicopter. However, at this point the dragon from earlier landed in front of them, blocking their path. The boy, his Trapinch and his Torchic all ducked down further, now curious as to what the Flygon was planning. They became very worried however when the bearded man let out a cold laugh.

“So, the infamous guardian of the tomb huh? Well we came prepared for you, go Glalie!” he threw forwards a red and white sphere, a Pokeball. In a flash of red light, a large, spherical creature emerged. It’s body was black, and it sported enormous horns of a similar colour. Around it’s body was a thick white armour made of ice, which somehow did not melt despite the extreme heat and battering winds. With a sneer, the man issued a command, which he didn’t know at that time was about to change the future for all concerned.

“Glalie, Icicle Spear!” the demonic snowball opened it’s mouth, and sucked all the heat from the air around it, turning the little moisture in the air into a dangerous, glistening weapon. The Flygon backed away slowly, ice attacks were very bad news for a dragon Pokemon like herself. However, she knew this time that Glalie averaged to fire a spear. It was a rapid fire attack, the spears were supposed to shatter upon contact with the foe, they weren’t meant to be strong. However, this one was meant to be. Her heart raced, as the enormous spear was formed, large enough to go clean through a person, and sharp enough to pierce through most things. Especially dragon hide. She backed away, but it was too late. The Glalie fired it’s weapon on it’s master’s order, and it didn’t just knock out the Flygon. It’s speed, doubled with the sharpness and excessive size, caused it to pierce her chest cleanly. With a cough of blood, she fell to the floor. As she fell, she glanced over to her son, letting out a near silent cry, then hitting the sand, dead. The man now had his Pokemon freeze the dragon solid and it was loaded into the helicopter.

In the background, a man with thick black stubble's mouth curved into a sneer, before he let out a maniacal laugh. His black suit, the boy thought, likened to his heart. He had been the one to give the order to kill the Flygon, the bearded man had merely been the means to do so. The boy collapsed to the floor, beating his fist against the sand, infuriated at not being able to do anything. His Trapinch however, just stood there, it’s jaws clamped shut. A trickle of blood ran down it’s teeth.

Three months later, the boy, his shiny Trapinch, and the Torchic were casually in their home. The light was dim, and in the poorly lit room, several leather chairs could be seen, all with someone or something sat on them. A large green dragon, with several vine like tails, the Trapinch, the Torchic, and an intimidating large blue dragon all filled the category of ‘somethings’. What came up on the news next however, devastated the gentle atmosphere.

“News just in from Lilycove Port. A Flygon with a gaping wound in it’s chest has just been washed ashore. The Elite Four member Drake Skyler Dragonheart I immediately identified it as his own. We have his reaction on the horrible sight,” a woman with short black hair said on the screen, with a very monotonous voice. Everyone, and everything, in the room immediately became engrossed by the TV as a relatively old man with a large white moustache appeared on screen.

“This is a ****ing outrage! Don’t you ****ing censor me either, whatever ******* did this to my Flygon is a heartless son of a *****. He killed a ****ing mother without any worry whatsoever! What am I going to tell my grandson and his Trapinch when I get home huh?! That some psychopath brutally murdered that poor Trapinch’s mother!?!? The thing’s father is already dead! I tell you, whoever that ******* is I hope he knows what the ****ing repercussions of what he’s done are, and if he doesn’t he hasn’t seen the my fury yet! When I find out who you are, there will be hell to pay, you hear me you…” the blue dragon turned off the television, and turned to face the comparatively tiny black bug. He was huddled close to his trainer. The room was silent.

A week later, the Flygon was buried atop Mt. Pyre. As the coffin slowly descended into the whole, it finally set in that the Trapinch’s mother was now lost. What they didn’t know was that the Trapinch’s sanity had been taken with her.

Four years later, the boy, now nearly big enough to fit the hoody, his Trapinch and Torchic all look to the sky with a goal in sight. However, alongside that aim, something else could be seen. Two trainers were battling, but they were to far away for the Pokemon to be seen. However, one of their attacks was painfully clear.

“Go, use Ice Beam!” the Trapinch’s eyes widened, as the freezing cold beam could be seen. Internally, his heart beat faster, and tears welled in his eyes. He ran behind the tracksuit bottom covered legs of his trainer, and collapsed, terrified.



Read, enjoy, review.

katiekitten
19th June 2006, 11:58 PM
Very good, Nylf! It is even better tha the earlier version, great job!

A few typos here and there, but they always appear. I'll point those I spotted...


ferocious conditions forcing them underground to avoid the immeasurable heat, and powerful sandstorms.

I don't think the comma after immeasurable heat is needed. :)


Hi Shiny Trapinch.

His. :)


The boy and Trapinch casually toyed around with the sand, much like the desert were a beach. The Torchic however merely sat around, staring into the horizon longingly, almost hoping for someone familiar to him to appear. No-one came, except a familiar sight for the little black bug.

A little bit repetitive with 'familiar'. Sorry, its something that always bothers me. >.< You don't have to change it, don't worry. :)


The red spheres which covered itís eyes kept them safe from the sand, and itís wide, paper thin wings served to release as much heat as possible, much like the long green antennae that ran from itís head far down to the edge of itís back.

I'm not all negatitive! XD I really like the description here, well done!


The gentle scene was swiftly interrupted though, by the roar of metal blades.

A comma after interrupted?


On itís side door, and elaborate design of an ĎAí ,made to resemble bones, and crossbones was printed in large white letters.

This sentence is a little confusing... I think it needs a quick once over. :)



However, she knew the time that Glalie averaged to fire a spear. It was a rapid fire attack, the spears were supposed to shatter upon contact with the foe, they werenít meant to be strong. However, this one was meant to be. Her heart raced, as the enormous spear was formed, large enough to go clean through a person, and sharp enough to pierce most things.

This, instead of the in 'she knew the time'. It always doeesn't really make sense...

Also, sharp enough to pierce through most things. :)


With a cough of blood, she feel to the floor, dead.

Fell, not feel. :) Also, here is a little opportunity to splash out a little with description, described the shock in her eyes as she fell, perhaps how she gazed in the direction of her son. Unless it was through the brain, it would take ehr a second or so to die, so you can describe her final breaths. It's fine without it, it would just add a little horror aspect in it. :D


In the background, a man with thick black stubble let out a sneer, followed by a maniacal laugh.

You can't really let out a sneer. XD How about making his lips curve into a sneer? :)


The light is dim, and in the poorly lit room, several leather chairs could be seen, all with someone or something sat on them.

Was instead of is, maybe?


Four years later, the boy, now nearly big enough to fit the hoody, his Trapinch and Torchic all look to the sky with a goal in sight. However, alongside that goal, something else could be seen.

Maybe don't repete goal? It is a hard word to replace, so you can leave it if you like. How about aim?


Again, I really enjoyed this! Keep up the good work!

Jase the Dragon tamer
20th June 2006, 12:34 PM
Go NYLF
Go NYLF
Go go
Go NYLF

Review time
um well. Excellent for a prologue. i should know. i read more books than all my relatives combined. anyway i like how youve changed the prologue, indicating Nylf's sanity loss, and the better explenation of the flygons death *takes a couple of minutes to make memorial for flygon* ummmmmm thats all. cant wait to read the revised chapters.

Nylf
20th June 2006, 6:01 PM
Right then, lesse:

KK: Thanks, I'll fix those typos, and see what I can do with the death bit. The prologue isn't really for horror, it's just to cover exactly why Nylf flips girls' skirts, wears a thong on his head and is basically insane. But I could do with improving that death scene.

And yeah, that sentence was confusing. I couldn't quite work out how to describe their symbol, I'll take another crack at it.

Thanks again for pointing out the typos, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll try, to keep it up.

JTDT: Umm thanks? Which Nylf? Me, or Nylf Schwarz Draconis I?

Yeah, chapter 1 is getting major overhaul. Battle's gone. Instead, I'm thinking...ketchup. I'll let you figure it out.

EDIT: Done fixes.

katiekitten
20th June 2006, 6:51 PM
Much better. =D

*hugs* I'm glad you are reposting this!

Jase the Dragon tamer
22nd June 2006, 5:48 AM
Nylf: Both of you

by the way just call me Jase in teh future

YAZAH

~*Mudkip Fantastic*~
27th June 2006, 11:22 AM
Hooray for Nylf! I am so glad that it is being remade and will follow it as much as I did the original. I didn't really notice any difference between this and the original prolouge but I will look. Keep it up

Nylf
27th June 2006, 11:42 PM
MF: Thanks.

First chapter, rewritten.

Chapter 1: Where In Which Fate, Boredom and Lunch Collide

The sky was blue, the clouds were white, and from his point of view, it seemed like the perfect way to start a journey. Of course his view was straight up. Looking down, the tiny buildings and trickles of blue that were rivers proved him wrong.

This was a surprisingly common sight. A man, clearly in his early forties, and his green-haired son riding atop a large brown dinosaur with wings made of leaves. Yes, this was a common sight. Though a detail was missed. Desperately hanging from a bunch of yellow fruit that dangled from the dinosaur’s neck was a large, black bug. A Shiny Trapinch. The green-haired boy’s Shiny Trapinch. And I know, you’re thinking why’s he hanging from a bunch of bananas? I doubt even he could tell you. But I digress.

“Dad, why have I got to start at Littleroot Town? It’d be easier if I started at Lavaridge,” the boy asked, staring blankly at the sky. He corrected his green hoody as he did.

“Drake, I told you, you’re not ready. You may have plenty of skill, and Zel may be strong, but Nylf’s…”

“Crazy?”

“I was going to say very under trained, but that too. You said it yourself, this journey’s as much for him as it is you. That means you need as much time as possible.”

Drake turned away from his father. Yeah, he had a point. Ever since his mother’s funeral, Nylf hadn’t been the same. For one thing he was hanging from a bunch of bananas while at least two hundred metres in the air.

“Yeah, just, if I go from Littleroot I’ll probably run into Uncle Birch, and after saying I didn’t want to take part in the Pokedex challenge, well it’d be awkward to bump into him in his home town,” Drake sighed, putting his hands behind his back. He also had to account for the fact that Zel hated his uncle. Why though, he’d never specified. Something about taking him away from ‘her’. They landed with a bump.

The place they were in was relatively tranquil. There were only a few houses, and it was surrounded by thick groves of evergreens, glistening in the morning dew. Drake leapt off his father’s Tropius, and removed Nylf from his hang-out, and, much to the leaf-coated dinosaur's displeasure, ripped off a banana in the process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, while Drake had been on his way to Littleroot, someone else had already arrived. She skilfully rode into the small town on a wave-patterned skateboard. Her short turquoise skirt fluttered as she turned, and stopped at the largest building in the village. It was very high tech, with large amounts of windows, and chrome plated walls. The roof was flat, and, as she had seen riding round there was a concealed door on the side. She guessed it was for emergency exits.

She walked in, and couldn’t help but cringe a bit. The place stank of bleach and chemicals. She hated labs, but kept telling herself it was worth it. She couldn’t count on her father to give her a Pokemon like most kids, and her mother, well she was too busy keeping her brothers out of trouble. It was a good thing she could get her this without having to deal with those two whining and wanting a Pokemon as well.

She eventually came to a desk. A woman with blonde hair was casually combing and looking in a hand mirror. Why do female receptionists always do that, she wondered? She pulled out her water bottle, flipped it open, and started brushing her blue hair and looking at her reflection. Nope, still no clue. Maybe it only worked for secretaries, or people without pony tails.

She continued to the desk. The woman put down her brush and hand mirror, and turned to her.

“A blue sweater? You must be Suila Tsunami, am I right?” the woman asked, in a fairly monotonous tone. Suila rolled her eyes. She found these sort of people dull.

“Yeah, I’m here about the Mudkip.” She repressed the urge to giggle. She’d always wanted a Mudkip.

“Okay then, just wait there for a little while, the professor will be with you shortly,” Suila sighed, and sat down, leaning back on the chair. It was…kinda weird, just sitting there. In a little while, she was going to be going on her journey. HER journey. Not the one her father wanted her to take. She couldn’t tell if she liked the feeling or not. She was worried about her mother, back home with her brothers. But, she was finally getting away from the house, her name. She could make friends, besides Tac, and she could actually live her life free.

She changed her mind. Despite the pangs of guilt and worry, this feeling was brilliant.

“Would Suila Tsunami please see Professor Birch?” the same monotonous voice of the receptionist said. Suila got up, and desperately resisting the urge to give in to her hyper active giggling girl side, she went in…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back with Drake, he and Nylf were quietly walking past the same building that Suila had gone in before they had arrived in Littleroot. Drake was already past the building and near the town outskirts. Nylf however, was not. A certain skateboard had caught his eye. Drake quickly ran over to find out what was keeping the Trapinch preoccupied.

Before he could do anything, the Trapinch, somehow, picked up the skateboard, and, in one bite, ate half of it. And the worst was yet to come. At this point, Suila left the lab, cuddling the Pokeball containing her now precious Mudkip in her arms. She turned to get her skateboard, as Drake desperately tried to rip the remaining half out of his Pokemon’s gullet. As Suila turned, Drake leapt back in shock, and the what was once a skateboard had now been reduced to a Trapinch’s snack.

The Trapinch proceeded to smile quite contently and rub his belly in pleasure, clearly ignorant of the now infuriated girl standing about five feet away from both him and his trainer. And who was armed with a Mudkip. Not that the Mudkip had a choice, for the moment her anger had been unleashed, she had released the poor blue fish, grabbed it around it’s short neck, and was now holding it like a pistol. Drake desperately tried to plead innocent, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t working.

“YOUR FREAKY BUG JUST ATE MY SKATEBOARD!!”

Drake took his chance, grabbing Nylf by his right leg and placing him a headlock, and ran, his tracksuit bottom-wearing legs doing their best to propel him from the, as far as he could tell, psychotic blue-haired girl in a mini skirt. His white trainers reduced to a blur, and a dust cloud in his wake, the girl quickly followed screaming murder.

He turned the corner, and ran out into Route 101, the place where most trainers started their journey’s with friends, Pokemon, and fond memories.

Right now, Drake would be glad to start his journey with his life…



There we go, Chapter 1, version 2. Read, enjoy, review.

I know it’s shorter than the prologue, this is just to build some suspense for Chapter 2.

Astinus
28th June 2006, 12:32 PM
Nylf, I'm so glad that you started this over! Now I can be one of the constant readers. =3 I started to read this before I joined, and once I did join, I kind of...forgot. (Besides, Flygon is one of my favorite Pokťs! *hugs her plushie*)
Hope you don't mind me pointing out your mistakes. I'll just do chapter one, if you don't mind.


It was a surprisingly common sight this.

The "this" at the end seems to dangle.


A man, clearly in his early forties, and his green haired son riding atop a large brown dinosaur with wings made of leaves.

"green haired" needs to be hyphenated: "green-haired".


The green haired boy’s Shiny Trapinch.

See above.


It’d be easier if I started at Lavaridge?”

Doesn't seem like a question, more like a statement. So, the question mark at the end should change into a full stop.


“I was going to say very under trained, but that too. You said it yourself, this journey’s as much for him as it is you. That means you need as much time as possible,” Drake turned away from his father.

Change the comma after "possible" to a full stop, and have that dialogue as its own paragraph. So, "Drake turned away from his father" and everything after that gets its own paragraph. (Basically, just split that one paragraph into two at the end of the dialogue.)


For one thing he was hanging from a bunch of bananas while at least two hundred metres in the air.


"metres" is a possible typo. (Unless I'm just assuming, and it's spelled that way where you are...)


“Yeah, just, if I go from Littleroot I’ll probably run into uncle Birch

Capitalize "uncle", as it is part of his title.


Drake leapt off his father’s Tropius, and removed Nylf from his hang out, and, much to the leaf coated dinosaur, ripped off a banana in the process.


"hang out" and "leaf coated" should both be hyphenated. Also, I feel that you should have something after "dinosaur", because it makes no sense without it. "Sadness", perhaps? "Anger"? Something needs to go there. I think...


She skilfully rode into the small town on a wave pattern skateboard.

"wave-patterned" is how it should be. (I was unsure on whether or not to hyphenate wave and patterned... So I threw it in there, because it's the same as "green-haired".)


Se continued to the desk.

"Se" needs an "h" plopped down in the middle.


“Yeah, I’m here about the Mudkip,” she repressed the urge to giggle.

"She repressed the urge to giggle" is not a dialogue tag, so the comma after "Mudkip" needs to be a full stop.


“Would Suila Tsunami please see professor Birch?”

Capitalize "professor" because it's part of his title.


A certain skateboard had caught his eye/

That slash at the end...? Yeah, change it to a full stop.


While the Trapinch proceeded to smile quite contently and rub his belly in pleasure, clearly ignorant of the now infuriated girl standing about five feet away from both him and his trainer.

Either continue the sentence, or drop the "while" at the beginning.


grabbed it around it’s short neck

Wrong "its". "It's" is the contraction of "it is". "Its" is the possesive. The last one is the one you are looking for.


“YOUR FREAKY BUG JUST ATE MY SKATEBOARD!!” Drake took his chance, grabbing Nylf by his right leg and placing him a headlock, and ran, his tracksuit bottom wearing legs doing their best to propel him from the, as far as he could tell, psychotic blue haired girl in a mini skirt. His white trainers reduced to a blur, and a dust cloud in his wake, the girl quickly followed screaming murder.


Suila's yell goes in its own paragraph. "tracksuit bottom wearing" and "blue haired" need to be hyphenated.

Ta-de-da. That's all the mistakes with corrections, to the best of my knowledge. Don't let them deter you from continuing with this story. Aside from those mistakes, there isn't anything wrong with your plot.

Nor is there anything wrong with crazy shiny Trapinch. XD


Hanoko sorted out most of the typos, but I think I found one... XD

It's two "a's", one "o", katie. Oi... XD Yeah, I knew I missed a few, but I was choking on some chocolate, and couldn't breath... xP

katiekitten
28th June 2006, 2:18 PM
The revision is looknig very good so far, Nylf. Much better. :)

Hanoko sorted out most of the typos, but I think I found one... :p XD


keeping her brother’s out of trouble.

No apostraphy. :) The appostraphy there is used in possesive terms, such as: 'It's my brother's.' Meh, bad explanation and I don't get it myself... It was probably just a typo anyway. :) 'Brothers' not brother's. It confused me a little... XD

Anyways, brilliant revised chappy! I can't wait for the next. =D

~*Mudkip Fantastic*~
28th June 2006, 2:19 PM
Great chapter Nylf. Much better than the original. I noticed one mistake though
She heated labs,

Nylf
28th June 2006, 6:00 PM
Hanako: Never worry about correcting my spellings, seriously, my spell check sucks. I'm stuck using Microsoft Works Word Processor, I'll correct all those shortly.

And glad you like Nylf. And to hear you like it.

I'll edit them shortly.

KK: You won't have to wait long. Glad you like the revision. I'll fix that error too.

MF: Thanks for pointing that out, and glad you think that.

EDIT: FIXED!!

Jase the Dragon tamer
29th June 2006, 1:44 AM
Well done.
i like this chapter a lot better than the other chapter one.
i dont like to correwct other peoples spelling and puncuation mistakes in stories, unless they are so bade i cant understand the story, so yeh ill leave that to the other reveiwers. But i couldnt help noticing that wen you mentioned nylf ripping off that banana, Tropius' like to share their fruit, im sure i read it somewhere. any way time to rate it so far,
16;330; out of 10

YAZAH

~*Mudkip Fantastic*~
29th June 2006, 10:46 AM
I just noticed something about the prolouge. Glalie cant learn Icical Spear. But don't bother changing it as it seems good that Team Aqua have an abnormal Pokemon.
BTW Happy Birthday Nylf!

Nylf
29th June 2006, 9:41 PM
Thanks, and to answer questions:

MF: Meh, Icicle Spear suits Glalie, so frankly I let them use it. I don't stick too firmly to movesets, I go with what suits a Pokemon.

Jase: Tropius like sharing their fruit, they don't like having them ripped off they're neck by a huge mouth of teeth. It was painful for the Tropius.

~*Mudkip Fantastic*~
6th July 2006, 2:20 PM
Yeah I think so too. Anyway Ice Beam wouldn't have sounded as good.

Jase the Dragon tamer
19th July 2006, 5:02 AM
Oh, thanks fo teh explanation.
yeh sheer cold would have been even better

Nylf
19th July 2006, 7:34 PM
Not really, Sheer Cold is a blast of negative thermal energy so strong it shocks the system into shutting down automatically, making the Pokemon faint. That's the way I see it.

Icicle Spear in my opinion is the only ice attack brutal enough to kill a Pokemon quickly. It's a giant spear of ice, it can and probably would be easy enough to kill someone or something with. Sheer Cold couldn't kill anything, and it would take a long time for most other Ice attacks to kill a Pokemon because they would need to work on hypothermia.

Icicle Spear, it's overdone to the point it could pierce skin, clean stab and job done.

Next chapter soon, hopefully Friday at the latest. Though Saturday I'm off to Scotland for ten days, so they'll more than likely be one or two chapters when I get back. I'm taking my laptop with me so I can type them, but I won't be able to use my wireless internet so I won't be able to post them.

Also, I would like to thank Kiyohime for being a lot of help in developing the Pokemon of Emerald Lands. Thanks.

~*Mudkip Fantastic*~
23rd July 2006, 7:41 PM
Ok. I can't wait till then.
Pointless fact 1: My grandad lives in Scotland.
Pointless fact 2: I am a relative of Robert the Bruce, a King of Scotland on my dad's, dad's, mum's side.

lazyslothboy
23rd July 2006, 9:11 PM
pointless fact 3: I am distantly related to the 6th president of the United States, John Quincy Adams

This looks really good. I enjoy the new twist that you placed in the games. Insane Trapinch is awesome.

JB239874
26th July 2006, 5:18 PM
;328;-Great Nylf!

As you can see my Nylf is estastic.

katiekitten
26th July 2006, 5:34 PM
Pointless fact four: Could you please stop spamming up the thread with your pointless facts? If they are pointless, why say them? XD Nylf closed the last thread because of Spam, so let's try and keep it to a minimun...

Thank you! =D

Felix Feral Fezirix
8th August 2006, 8:28 AM
I am late.

;025; I'm on an agreeing spree. Yes, you are f*cking late.

I see a revolution.

So you rewrote it. ^_____^ Suila is now more violent, Nylf is twice as weird, and everything is like...Twice as detailed? ^______________^

Well, they are a lot longer than the originals, so I wouldn't expect less.

You're doing a great job, so keep writing.

Meanwhile, I too, need to rewrite FTMP. >_<

Pika out.

;025; Of the thresher.

Screw yur double-thresher.

-is re-threshed-

JB239874
29th August 2006, 1:19 PM
katiekitten, I am not doing that stuff any more.I have matured(mentally).So, I'm
saing sorry to all the people that I did it to.There!

Rani Fernleaf
29th August 2006, 2:48 PM
I think someone bumped this with a spammy post. Bad whoever-you-are, bad! Oh well. At least there's a new reviewer-type person dropping in here.


Next to him, a small bug, pitch black, with gigantic jaws.

A small bug what? Maybe it should be 'Next to him, there was a small bug' or suchlike? Eh, I'm not an evil nitpicky person. Usually. I think.


ďGlalie, Icicle Spear!Ē the demonic snowball opened itís mouth, and sucked all the heat from the air around it, turning the little moisture in the air into a dangerous, glistening weapon.

It isn't the Glalie issuing the command, so the 'the' in 'the demonic snowball' should be capitalled. And 'it's' should be 'its.' Incidentally, 'demonic snowball' is a weirdly laugh-worthy way of describing a Glalie...XD

Nylf keeps getting referred to as 'the little black bug.' Maybe a different metaphor might be effective, methinks. The scene in the prologue was cruel...a little Trapinch and a boy watching their mother figure being impaled to death. 'Her death was quick and painless,' indeed. Luffs for the comic relief with Nylf and the skateboard, too.

-departs fastly-

Hoenn Warrior
2nd September 2006, 3:59 PM
Ahhh, its good to see Emerald Lands back into action. Nylf seems to be even funnier than back in the past. Drake's Grandfather snapped on live televison at the death of his Flygon who was his friend and a mother aswell. I cant wait until the next chapter is up to see more of Nylf eating off anything he can get his jaws around.

JB239874
7th December 2006, 10:19 AM
I have this great idea for a fic:



May gets kidnapped by these aliens and becomes a Psychic
Ash,sad that May is gone,becomes friends with Misty again
May sees this,becomes jealous and thinks of a plan to get them apart....


Well,what do you think?

The Doctor
7th December 2006, 12:05 PM
I think you should STOP SPAMMING AND BUMPING UP THE THREAD.

~*Mudkip Fantastic*~
27th December 2006, 5:59 PM
It hasn't been a month so I am not disobeying the rules by bumping this. I just don't want this fic to die. It is one of my favourite fics and it is writen by a great writer. I just hope Nylf sees this.