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View Full Version : D/P chronicles, capter 1



Haikuoftheblazingwing
23rd June 2006, 10:47 PM
Hey guys I can't do much becuz I don't know squat sbout the D/P starters but plz give me feedback thanks!

Late one night in a small quiet town a father caries his six year old son to his room. The two get in the room and the young boy asks his father, "daddy whats it like being a trainer?" "well Trey, it's alot of hard work training and stuff." "Daddy?" "Yes Trey?" "When I grow up I'm gonna be just like you." "I'm sure you wi-." The man's sentence is interupted by a yawn and soft snoring.

7 years later

BEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEP. "ugh!" Suddenly a hand slides up and bashes the alarm clock off. Trey now thirteen puts his pillow over his head and tries to ease back into sleep. BAM!! Trey's door slams open and his twin sister Nayomi begins to scream. "I guess your not gonna get a pokemon huh?! Would it have killed you to get up an hour earlier, 9 o clock is'nt that early!" Suddenly the boy tumbles out of bed covers and all. "I forgot! Todays the day we get our pokemon!" Trey quickly pulls the covers off and begins dressing "Get out Nayomi!" "Fine." Nayomi leaves and slams the door behind her. Trey then races around the room getiing his clothes on, in a flash he was dressed. "all I need now is my cap." He reaches and grabs the hat opens his door and runs down the hall. Then Trey bangs down on the floor. "Nayomi! Pick your bag up!" Nayomi dashes up the steps and snatches her bag. "You colud've broke something you idiot!" "Yeah well you cuold've broke me!" "wait." Trey whispers. "I need my bag!" Trey runs to his room his pants beginning to fall, he takes his bag out of the closet pulls up his pants and dashes back out and down the steps. "Hey, smart one, get a belt!" But before Nayomi colud get a reply his brother had left. Nayomi then reaches in her bag and pulls out a belt. "Sucker."

Trey speeds quickly to the lab in which all beginning trainers in the country get there starters. He then stands breatheless in front of the lab. Adjusting his cap and pants, he prepares to go in....To be continued

Yami Ryu
23rd June 2006, 11:12 PM
Ok, why, if you know NOTHING of D/P, the plot, or the pokemon in it even, are you making a story in the first place? Or worst of all a chapter that is so pathetic?

So what will you have for your next incredible short excuse of a chapter? Them standing around waiting for 2+ months before the information on D/P is released completely?

Or are you going to wait that long before posting again?

I suggest you read the ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS thread and the RULES thread before attempting anything again :/

Haikuoftheblazingwing
24th June 2006, 12:17 AM
Well sorry, I really just kinda thought while i was trying to go to sleep last night. But do you think I should just let this go and continue when we get more info?

Jonouchi
24th June 2006, 12:41 AM
Well sorry, I really just kinda thought while i was trying to go to sleep last night. But do you think I should just let this go and continue when we get more info?

It'd be good if you had more info to work with, like the villains and Gym Leaders (Which we know squat about)

Hold this off till it's ACTUALLY released. We still don't know a lot about D/P

And while you're at it, read the two stickies Yami Ryu gave you

Haikuoftheblazingwing
24th June 2006, 12:49 AM
Allright thanks for the help. I'll start over when we have more news.
I have thought of a story taking place in Kanto, do you think I sholud post it?

Jonouchi
24th June 2006, 1:13 AM
Allright thanks for the help. I'll start over when we have more news.
I have thought of a story taking place in Kanto, do you think I sholud post it?

Not yet, seeing as you'll probably get the same responses here. Try to make your stories longer. Look at some of the 5 star rated fics here for an idea on what to do (Don't take them though).

Also, read the two stickies. The rules and the Advice for Aspiring Authors sticky. Those will help.

Do try again, though

Haikuoftheblazingwing
24th June 2006, 2:47 AM
Well, ok though I have had the entire story for some time now.