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angel_fire101
24th June 2006, 2:47 PM
Chapter 1: So many losses

He staggered into the deserted city. Everything lay in ruins. The sickening stench of death and blood filled the air. He couldn't help but gag at the horrible smell. The battle that has been raging on for so many years, the battle between good and evil, has not perished. That's what had caused all this.
***
Mewtwo, the super cloned Pokemon, had come back. But this time, it's anger could not be silenced. It was once again angry with all humans for their careless actions and their dominating nature. It wanted revenge. But this time, the revenge was on humans and Pokemon.

It had come into the city known as Scarlet City. Which, by now, lived up to its color name. Mewtwo had killed any living thing that caught its eye - human or Pokemon. Only a few people and Pokemon had escaped.
***
He looked around, hoping to see someone, something, alive. He heard footsteps coming toward him.

"Ash!" A female voice called out into the silent night air. He looked up. He recongnized the girl running toward him immedietly.

"May!" he cried. She ran into him, crying uncontrollably.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It got my parents." May replied.

"What? But, how?" Ash asked. "I thought you evacuated with everyone else!" Anger rose into his voice with the last few words.

"We- we tried, but Mewtwo... was too fast and it-" she started crying all over again, burying her face into his jacket. Ash wrapped his arms around her and embraced her.

"I'm sorry." he said. "I'm so sorry." May's crying filled the silent night air.

When she finally calmed down, Ash said, "Come on. We need to get out of here. Before it comes back." May looked up at him and nodded. Her sapphire blue eyes were now red from crying, and her face was dirty and tear stricken. Ash was dirty himself. He himself had nearly escaped Mewtwo's wrath.

May followed Ash down the deadly silent street.

"What happened to Pikachu?" she asked.

"It got separated from me when we were trying to get away from Mewtwo. I know it's ok, though." Ash replied. There was a distant scream up ahead. Ash looked up. An explosion erupted from the far side of the city, and the screaming died away.

"Come on! We have to see what's going on!" Ash said, running toward the end of the city. May hesitated, then followed. For some reason, she felt safe around Ash. It must have been his protective spirit and bravery that made her feel that way.

When they reached the far end of the city, the sight they saw was like that of a horror movie. Which was perfect to describe how their life was going currently. Like a horror movie.

The purple and white Pokemon known as Mewtwo was hovering over a spot on the ground. It, along with the ground that it was hovering above, was charred and black. Three bodies lay below it. Ash had no idea who they were, but the sight of three more lost lives made him angry.

"Mewtwo, why are you doing this?" he asked.

"I want revenge. Revenge for everything they've done to me." Mewtwo said.

"Violence is never the-" Mewtwo cut Ash off when it formed a dark energy ball in its hands.

"I thought you were dead, too. I guess i was wrong. Ah well. I can fix that now." it said, the ball in its hands growing larger. Ash turned to May.

"Run." he said.

"What?" May asked.

"Run!" Ash cried. He grabbed May's wrist and pulled her along after him as he ran back down the street, away from Mewtwo. He heard the crash of the energy ball hitting the ground behind him.

"You can't run forever, humans! You'll have to face me sooner or later!!" Mewtwo cried from behind them as they ran down the streets. Ash looked behind him. Mewtwo wasn't coming after them for some reason. It was just floating there, in mid air. But, no matter how hard he tried, Ash couldn't drown out the terrifying voice of Mewtwo in his head. There wasn't any way to drown it out. Mewtwo was speaking into his mind. You can't cut your mind off.

***
Mewtwo watched the two teenagers run down the street. It wasn't going after them. It wanted them to run. It wanted to track them down. A hunt before the kill.

"It doesn't matter where you go, or what you do. I will find you." it said. "Let me assure you, the battle has just begun."

_________________________

I'll try and post the next chapter soon. In the meantime, tell me what you thought of this chapter, anyone who reads it. This is my first shot at a horror fic, but I'm trying my best.

crystal-zephyr
24th June 2006, 2:57 PM
Wow pretty good. It seems like it'll get better as it goes. I can't seem to find anywhere that there is things that could need changing.

Nightcat
24th June 2006, 3:10 PM
Chapter 1: So many losses

He staggered into the deserted city. Everything lay in ruins. The sickening stench of death and blood filled the air. He couldn't help but gag at the horrible smell. The battle that has been raging on for so many years, the battle between good and evil, has not perished. That's what had caused all this.


Make sure your tenses match.
I will do the rest later.

~nightcat ;197;

Yami Ryu
24th June 2006, 5:08 PM
Mewtwo, the super cloned Pokemon, had come back. But this time, it's anger could not be silenced. It was once again angry with all humans for their careless actions and their dominating nature. It wanted revenge. But this time, the revenge was on humans and Pokemon.

So Mewtwo has come back a third time? He never really came back a second time. How is Mewtwo angry again? Ash showed him in the first movie, not all humans are evil, and yet again in the Mewtwo Returns movie, with the help of his friends. Why does Mewtwo hate Pokemon now. And why does it feel you turned Mewtwo from a possible deep character to a shallow two dimensional thing :/ And Mewtwo wasn't angry with humans for that reason. It was because he was used, lied too. Betrayed and basically told he was the shadow of a creature, and was just a souless tool of man.

I'm sorry but your interpitation/version of Mewtwo ... sucks.


It had come into the city known as Scarlet City. Which, by now, lived up to its color name. Mewtwo had killed any living thing that caught its eye - human or Pokemon. Only a few people and Pokemon had escaped.



.... and no one had a dark type with them? Not one of those people had a Sableye, Umbreon, Houndoom, Murkrow, Sharpedo, Tyranitar, Absol, Cacturne, etc. Or even a steel type? And don't bring that episode into the picture, Magneton was pure electric. But I find it a bit unrealistic that none of the trainers in this city, or pokemon, were dark type.

Or does your Mewtwo also know Kung Fu :/

Overall your fic is flat. Mewtwo comes off as a bad 2D rampaging killer. There is no reason Mewtwo should suddenly go psychotic and decide everything has to die.

:/ maybe you should go read some real horror fics or learn how to put emotion into characters before continuing.

angel_fire101
26th June 2006, 2:25 AM
Didn't I mention that this is my first shot at a horror fic? It's not going to be that great.

This is a made up story. I know Mewtwo wouldn't come back as a rampaging killer after what happened in the first movie and in Mewtwo Returns. I know what reasons Mewtwo was angry for in the first movie also. Again, this is a made up story, and is fake. None of this would really happen, I know. But, when you write a fanfic, why not put a little imagination into it?

The people and Pokemon that died aren't a big part of the story, so I didn't see any reason to state whether they had dark or steel type Pokemon or whether the Pokemon themselves were dark or steel. Besides, this all happened in the past. I was supposed to be telling you what had happened before the story started.

angel_fire101
26th June 2006, 2:36 AM
Chapter 2: The battle begins

Ash led May down the streets and into a deserted building. They were in the main room or the lobby. The building had collapsed after being attacked by Mewtwo hours before. Ash leaned against the remains of a wall. It wasn't very big, but it was big enough to sit down and hide behind. May sank to the ground beside him. Ash sank down.

"I'd like to know what happened to make Mewtwo do all of this." Ash said. May remained silent. There was the sound of distant screams and explosions behind them. "I thought the town was deserted." Ash said, standing up. May pulled him back down.

"Obviously not." she said. Ash started to stand back up, but May held him down. "We don't need to get mixed up with Mewtwo. We need to stay as far away from it as possible." she said when Ash turned to look at her. Ash understood why May would be scared of Mewtwo. Watching your family be killed right before your eyes was enough to make anybody terrified of anything. Ash's mom hadn't been killed. Nor had any of his Pokemon. He wasn't as scared of Mewtwo as May was. He was scared of it, but not like that. He wanted to stop Mewtwo however he could - before it killed anyone else.

"May, I need to try and stop it." Ash said, gently taking her hand off of his shoulder.

"Ash, you'll get killed!" May said, tears appearing in her eyes once more.

"I promise, I'll be as careful as possible." Ash said. An explosion erupted a few feet behind them, causing the wall they were hiding behind to rock back and forth. Ash noticed it was about to fall. He grabbed May and jumped out of the way. The wall fell to the ground. Behind it stood Mewtwo, an energy ball in its hands.

"You weren't hoping to get away from me were you?" it asked. The evil tone in its voice sent a chill down Ash's spine. He couldn't help but shudder. Now to finish you off and get this over with." Mewtwo said. It shot the energy ball in its hands at Ash and May. Both jumped out of the way. The energy ball crashed into the ground. Mewtwo immedietly began charging up another. Ash spotted a small Poochyena walking down the street. Mewtwo also spotted it. Ash wanted to shout out "Run!", but he knew he couldn't. It would be too late, even if the Poochyena did run away.

Mewtwo aimed the energy ball at it. The dark energy hit it, and the scene that followed was just horrible.

The little dog Pokemon literally exploded. Limbs went everywhere. Its insides spilled out on the ground. The ground became stained with crimson red blood. The blood also flew in every direction.

A sick feeling came over Ash, and he felt paralyzed for a few seconds. May started crying, her face in her hands. Mewtwo turned back to Ash and May.

"Now it's your turn." it said, an evil smile spreading over its face, and a dark energy ball forming in its hands.

About Ash not being that scared of Mewtwo. Forget it. He was terrified. Although almost frozen with fear, he managed to grab May's hand and pull her farther down the street as Mewtwo's dark energy ball crashed into the ground.

A little of the Poochyena's blood had splattered onto Ash's arm, since he'd been the closest to it. He realized this, but did nothing about it. He had to get himself and May away from Mewtwo. As far away as possible.

"You can run, but you can't hide. No matter where you go, or what you do, I will find you. I will not rest until I have slayed you both!" Mewtwo's voice bellowed in their minds.

Ash heard something that sounded sort of like a distant gunshot. He felt a sharp pain in his back, and then, darkness.

___________________________

Ok, I know that was shorter than my last chapter, but I'm kinda tired right now. I'll write the next chapter tomorrow. Tell me what you thought!

Yami Ryu
26th June 2006, 3:24 AM
Didn't I mention that this is my first shot at a horror fic? It's not going to be that great.

First fic excuse is no excuse :/ if you're going to write something, study it. It's why I don't make fics exclusively of any genere as I can't hold to one single main genere for any length of time.


None of this would really happen, I know. But, when you write a fanfic, why not put a little imagination into it?

Because without real and good reason, people will feel you OOC'd Mewtwo, or as I pointed out, made a shallow character. Imagination is one thing, but don't leave yourself open to gaping plot holes.



The people and Pokemon that died aren't a big part of the story, so I didn't see any reason to state whether they had dark or steel type Pokemon or whether the Pokemon themselves were dark or steel. Besides, this all happened in the past. I was supposed to be telling you what had happened before the story started.

:/ ever think that it'd have a biiiiig impact on the story? Past or not, Mewtwo is powerless to Dark and Steel type pokemon. Pluse there are other legendaries. Why are they not trying to stop Mewtwo? Why aren't trainers excelling in dark and steel type pokemon such as Tyranitar, Sableye, Metagross and Scizor trying to do anything to stop Mewtwo? Why are they basically letting him have free riegn over killing everything?

And with how you say he's trying to kill pokemon and humans alike, he's had to run into dark types sooner or later, as it's proven dark and steel types are rampant in places. And since this is now set in the 'present' when dark and steel types are about...

:/ see. Plot. Hole.

Oh wait. Now you try to correct your blunder.


The little dog Pokemon literally exploded. Limbs went everywhere. Its insides spilled out on the ground. The ground became stained with crimson red blood. The blood also flew in every direction.

Ok so Mewtwo either a: Kasploded a Poochyena with a psychic attack. Or b: used Shadow Ball. :/ but both aren't that effective. But fine I'll give you the benifit of the doubt since it was RANDOM DARK TYPE POKEMN BABY APPEARENCE!

But are the titans of the dark and steel classes going to explode? :/ hm. Exploded Registeel.

Eh overall this doesn't fit the bill for horror to me. Drama, gore, violence, some suspence and etc but not really horror. Sorry but Mewtwo comes off as too melodramatic and the all too powerfull human creation gone mad and wanting to kill everything.

etherealhaze
26th June 2006, 9:22 AM
Why don't you wait for a few more chapters of this fic to come out before making such a rash judgement of it? I mean, its the first fic angel_101 is doing. Give everyone a chance before saying things that puts one down. =/

Yami Ryu
26th June 2006, 2:25 PM
Why don't you wait for a few more chapters of this fic to come out before making such a rash judgement of it? I mean, its the first fic angel_101 is doing. Give everyone a chance before saying things that puts one down. =/

Actually it's the users second, and the 'first fic' excuse is never an excuse that should be used :/ fine it's your first, it can be bad. But pussy footing around telling the user never helps them get better.

angel_fire101
26th June 2006, 7:35 PM
Chapter 3: Reunited

Ash slowly opened his eyes. He was lying on the hard pavement of the street. May was standing over him, gently shaking him and saying his name. She noticed he was awake.

"You're ok!" she said.

"What happened?" Ash asked, his voice hoarse.

"I don't know. Something hit you in the back." May said. Ash felt around on his back. He brought his hand back around in front of him. Blood covered his palm and the side of his fingers facing him.

"Well, something obviously hit me." Ash said, showing May his hand.

"Are you going to be ok?" May asked.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." Ash said.

Suddenly, Mewtwo's voice invaded their thoughts.

"One down, one to go." it said. There was a hint of satisfaction in its voice.

"What is it talking about?" May wondered out loud.

"I don't know, but we might want to get a head start and get out of here." Ash said.

"Right." May said. She grabbed one of Ash's arms and started to help him up.

A sharp pain ran down Ash's back, and he jerked his arm back.

"What is it?" May asked.

"Something's wrong with my back." Ash replied. May suddenly understood what Mewtwo was talking about. Since Ash couldn't move, Mewtwo was sure to get him.

Mewtwo suddenly appeared over a hill.

"It looks like I won't have to hunt you down this time after all." it said. A dark energy ball formed in its hands. "Now to finish this!" Mewtwo hurled the energy ball at Ash and May.

Suddenly, a pink ball of energy appeared in front of them. The dark energy ball disappeared inside of it.

"What was that?" Ash asked. A pink Pokemon appeared in place of the ball.

"It's Mew!" May said.

"Mewtwo, I will not let you harm these humans." Mew said. It also spoke into your mind.

"Humans have caused me nothing but pain and misery. Why shouldn't I harm them?" Mewtwo asked.

"The humans that created you and used you for their own selfish purposes are gone. You destroyed them long ago. These humans love and cherish Pokemon. The would never hurt a Pokemon." Mew replied.

"Perhaps you would like to take their place," Mewtwo said. Mew didn't reply. "That's what I thought." Mewtwo said.

Suddenly, a small yellow Pokemon came running up the hill toward Ash. Mewtwo aimed a dark energy ball at it.

"No!" Ash cried, realizing the small Pokemon was his Pikachu. Mewtwo fired the energy ball. Mew quickly fired one at the same time. At first, Ash thought Mew was helping Mewtwo. But, the pink energy ball that was Mew's canceled out Mewtwo's dark ball. The two balls of energy exploded in mid-air. Ash and May shielded their faces from the blinding light that came out of the explosion. The light faded, and Pikachu jumped into Ash's arms.

"Pika!" it said, hugging Ash tightly. Ash started to scratch Pikachu behind the ear, but stopped, realizing his hand was still covered in blood.

"You dare interfere? This is my battle!" Ash looked up as Mewtwo's voice boomed in his head, giving him a slight headache.

"What battle? All I see is a destroyed town, and two humans and a Pokemon! There is no battle!" Mew cried. It was starting to lose its patience, which was unusual for Mew.

"Maybe the battle could be between you and me. If you win, the humans are saved. If I win, I can do whatever I want with them." Mewtwo said. Mew hesitated to answer.

Don't we get a say in this? Ash thought, but he didn't say anything. Mew finally made a decision.

"Fine." it said. Ash glanced at May. She had a horrifed look on her face. Who can blame her? Two legendary Pokemon are going to fight to the death, and the winner controled her fate. That's enough to make anybody scared.

Pikachu was shaking in Ash's lap. Ash put his arms around it, securing it from the chilling breeze that was blowing through the town.

Mew and Mewtwo each charged up an energy ball in their hands. And then the battle began.

angel_fire101
28th June 2006, 2:11 AM
Chapter 4: Mewtwo and Mew - Battle for the Humans

Mew and Mewtwo charged at each other, an energy ball forming around both of them. (Pink on Mew, Blue on Mewtwo.) They collided in mid-air, neither taking any damage. Ash and May watched the battle from a dangerously close distance.

Suddenly, when Mewtwo and Mew charged into each other again, images went through Ash's mind. Images of Pokemon and clones fighting. Images of Mew and Mewtwo fighting each other, and him running in between. He was remembering the day he had first met Mewtwo. When it had forced all of the Pokemon to fight with their identical clones. But, Mewtwo had become good after that, hadn't it?

Another set of images flashed through Ash's mind. Giovanni attacking Mewtwo's secret island where it and the cloned Pokemon had lived peacefully for years. Domino threatening with a baby Nidoking. All the pain and misery Mewtwo had gone through that day. But, Mewtwo was still good after that. Or was it?

"Yes, human. I turned back to my old ways after that horrible day." Mewtwo said after blasting Mew with an energy ball.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Ash asked.

"I'm the one who put those thoughts in your mind. You see, after Giovanni attacked my secret island, I was still calm and peaceful for a while. But then, all the anger and rage that had been building up inside of me broke free, and I went back to my old ways." Mewtwo explained while blasting Mew once again. Mew sent a light energy ball back and hit Mewtwo in the stomach. Mewtwo quickly got up, and attacked Mew once again. Ash's heart was beating furiously in his chest. Mew was losing. If Mewtwo won, it was all over for them.

Come on, Mew. You can do it, he thought.
***
The battle was now drawing to a close. Sadly, Mewtwo was still winning. Mew was becoming too weak to fight back. Mewtwo began charging up one last dark energy ball.

"Did you really think you could beat me?" it asked in a mocking voice. "Now that you have fallen, I can kill these humans and move on to another town, thus extending my world domination. You didn't help anything. You just made it all worse." It turned to Ash, May and Pikachu. "Right?" it asked, an evil smile spreading over its face. It turned back to Mew. "Good-bye, pesky feline. " it said. It shot the dark energy ball at Mew. It was the Poochyena scene all over again. May covered her eyes, and Ash got that sick feeling. Pikachu gagged and buried its head into Ash's jacket.

The small flame of hope that had been burning inside of Ash, May and Pikachu died. There was absolutely no hope for them now. All they could do was run and hide, and they couldn't do that for very long. Mewtwo would kill them eventually.

Mewtwo turned to the humans and the small Pokemon.

"Your turn. it said.

"Ash, what do we do?" May asked.

"Run." Ash said.

"What?" May asked.

"Just run!" Ash cried. May jumped up and took off down the street. Pikachu climbed onto Ash's shoulder. Ash jumped up. A sharp pain went up and down his back, tempting him to fall back to the ground. But instead, he ran down the street after May.

Mewtwo sighed as its energy ball pummeled a hole into the ground where Ash and May had been.

"I guess we'll just have to do this the hard way." it said, heading down the street.

Demy
30th June 2006, 11:09 AM
I like your version of the events of Mewtwo, well done,.

Your chapters can be longer IMO

Demy 4/5

Riva
8th July 2006, 2:59 AM
Awsome! I like it!