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Haikuoftheblazingwing
25th June 2006, 2:53 AM
Ok, right now I'm only gonna give the first chapter and if you hate it, or love it I want to hear feedback.

Introduction,

The story is set 27 years after Ash and the gang. All of the pokemon world has increased dramatically in technology. Instewad of trainers beginning with a pokedex, trainers now start with what is called a pokereader. This new device not only serves as your dex, but also has many other features that will be revealed later. Thogh technology has advanced many things are still the same, yet many things are different aswell. One of the new laws is that all trainers must start there journey when they are fifteen, the reason for this is all the trouble with past teams such as the Rockets. Another new thing is that for someone to be a trainer they must have an area disk that is given to you by any of the Prof. Next to these things much is the same.

Chapter 1

Haiku awoke to an early sun, he opened his eyes and looked around. His eyes then stopped at his alarm clock which read 8:30 am. He then slowly got up and began to dress, as he walked around the room he began to wonder about the pokemon he would choose. Charmander, Squirtle, or Bulbasaur. "Well I'm gonna go with Squirtle, It may look wimpy now but when it evolves I'll be awesome."

Haiku crept down the steps and out the door, only he new that he was leaving, he hadn't told his mother. Then he walked next door to Jay's house. Jay was the only person Haiku truely hated, Jay beat him in practically everything, but Haiku decided it would change when he got a pokemon. Before Haiku made it to the door Jay busted out of the front door. 'Well, well, well. If it is'nt the weakest person ever."Shut up Jay, or I'm gonna beat you to a pulp!" Replied Haiku. "Like you could." Snapped Jay. Jay then raced forward pushed Haiku down and started toward the lab. "Why did I even bother to see if Oak was there." Thought Haiku. Haiku then got up and ran after Jay. He knew Jay had a good head start and was going to get there first and claim his pokemon, he began to pray that Jay would not choose Squirtle.

When Haiku had gotten there it was to late, in Jay's hand was the pokeball with the water droplet on it, meaning that Jay had chosen Squirtle. "Looks like there's only one pick left, that wimpy Charmander. Even grandpa says it's weak!" Haiku slowly walked over and picked up the pokeball with the flame on it, he than started out when Jay yelled. "Go! Squirtle! Come on Haiku, Bring it"
........to be continued

Yami Ryu
25th June 2006, 3:18 AM
Three paragraphs does not a chapter make

To be honest there is nothing going for it. It's like reading a bad version of the anime or a bad take at the game. Try for something original, flush out the characters, put emotion and depth into them too :/

Go read Advice for Aspiring Authors T_T