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Flashfire
25th June 2006, 4:46 AM
REVISED

Seth ran as fast as he could down the dirt road, his auburn hair swaying in the wind (at least that hair that managed to get out from under the boy's cap. Upon reaching the lab twenty minutes early, he realized he had forgotten his potions he left at home.



When he furiously kicked a tree, a flock of Spearow eyed him unpleasantly. That is how he started off on a fast-paced sprint back home, with rocks and bird droppings barely missing him, as angry Spearows releived themselves and dropped rocks high above his frequently-changing location.



"Whaa-ow-ow!" cried Seth, as several rocks bounced off of his plain white cap that had a picture of a Lugia on it when turned backwards, as it was at the moment. Two Spearows swooped down and attacked with their fierce talons. Several pecks at his hands and face followed.



"Quit it," pleaded Seth, forcing the anger out of his voice, then finally, "ARGHHHH!"



Seth was fed up. He was pushed to the point of forcefully swatting away the birds and landed an anger-fueled punch directly on the left wing of one bird. He despised hurting pokemon, but in this situation, he couldn't stop himself. He leapt over a ledge, slipping, snagging his backpack on a branch that gave way after a few seconds, and tumbling to the ground half a block from home.



"Almost there, c'mon..." he whispered, urging his tired muscles, as he felt talons scratch his calves, causing him to wince as he stood. In a burst of energy and speed he never knew he had, Seth darted forward, turned, dodging a can somebody had carelessly dropped, and after several yards he knocked five times in quick succession on the front door of his big, well-kept house. His mother opened the door, and gasped as the oncoming Spearow saw her.



"EEEKK!" she shreiked, yanking Seth inside by the collar of his vest. Caught by surprise, he crashed onto the floor full-force, and then rolled several feet, until stopped by the table. A door was slammed, and his mother helped Seth to his feet frowning.

The beaks of four Spearow tried to ram the door and create an opening, but they were too weak. They left for now, but when evolution came...

"I'm so sorry honey," she begged. "Please forgive me, but you know how I am with ticked off pokemon."



"Yeah mom," he replied, "And you know how I am with unexpected greetings with tile and wooden table legs."



That said, Seth stormed out of the living room, proceeded up the stairs, and reached his now welcoming filthy room. Seth jerked his brother away from his pokemon merchandise, out of patience. His pickpocket pest of a brother Luther ran from Seth's room, dropping Seth's pokemon books so he wouldn't be chased for them.



The family pet, Houndour, known as Ember, nuzzled Seth's wounded legs, as he packed away some potions and other cherished belongings.



"Hey there Ember," Seth exclaimed, smiling as he petted the loyal pokemon. "Watch my room for me allright little guy?" he continued, and the dog nodded obediently, responding with a cheerful howl.



Seth hurried to the closet, grabbing some gauze pads and band-aids, using one band-aid on a wound on his knee, and cramming the rest into a half-full compartment in his now badly sliced bag, which was durable enough to stay together and not spill all of the contents onto the floor.



His father Keith, expert pokeblock maker, entered, and handed Seth a bag of pokechow cans. Seth hugged his father, and headed downstairs after saying goodbye. His sisters, Mimi and Lily, pushed past him, their resilient five-year old twin bodies allowing them to continue upstairs as they fell many times. His third sister Elaine, who had come to visit before Seth began his journey, handed him a dive ball and embraced him.

He told his mother and fifteen year old sister why he had returned, and cautiously turned the knob on the door.

As Seth checked the area for Spearow and stepped out, the family, and even his quiet Uncle Chet, gathered at the door waving goodbye. He tripped on a rock, and forced himself to stand, keeping on a smile even as his aggrivating twin sisters giggled rudely at his hard landing (probably the fifth that day) on the pavement.



Seth finally was not able to see his house as he turned right on the path, and began to jog. His jeans were now torn, but who would worry about that at a time like this? All he wanted was a starter pokemon. Stealing a quick glance at his friend Andy's house, he kept running. Andy had left already, he figured, seeing Andy's door was closed. His entire family always left the door open when in the house, and they, surprisingly, always slept soundly, without fear of intruders.

And just as surprisingly, nobody had ever stolen any items! Andy was sure that there was a pokemon watching over them all.

Seth, excitement at the thought of a beginner pokemon filling his mind, tore through the forest, taking a shortcut, and caught up with Andy after several yards' distance. They gave each other the thumbs up sign, now racing to the lab. A spiky-haired boy passed them and touched the wall of the lab.

It was Andy's cruel cousin Eric who had surpassed their running speeds on purpose to annoy the two. It definitely worked! Andy and Seth combined two swift punches, creating a powerful fusion hit, that made Eric double over, dazed and hurt.

Eric stood, dusting his pants off, and glared at them, begining his lying rant as he approached Professor Oak inside the ornate, well-organized lab. Ducking as a sliding bar magnetically holding a pokeball slid past, Andy and Seth followed.

"PROFESSOR!" yelled Eric with a clearly fake whiny voice.

"Yes...Eric?" replied a rather peeved Prof. Oak, who was not fooled.

"They beat me up! I didn't do anything and th-"

"Lying is among the worst qualities of a trainer Eric, so quit the act. I've got starters to hand out." Finishing the sentence without hiding boredom in his words, the Professor calmly walked over to a lone table, where six pokeballs sat, magnetized still from the inside of the hollow table.

Eric's mouth gaped, and he folded his arms, muttering angry replies, as he turned away from the educated man. Andy grinned devilishly.

"What was that? Huh Eric?" Inquired Andy, murdering the sudden silence.

"Yeah, repeat that Eric?" Seth chimed in, chuckling between words. "Could ya speak up so we can hear you?"

"I'm fine being quiet, thank you," responded Eric hotly.

"Great Eric," a voice exclaimed sarcastically. Professor Oak. "Well I'll just assume that you want no part in the choosing of the beginner pokemon? Very well then..."

"NO WAIT," shouted Eric, and rushed over to stand with Andy and Seth, as Oak's computerized system showed, through a kind of light slide show, the available starters.

Starter 1: Eevee
CURRENT RARE CATCH
Starter 2: Gastly

Starter 3: Heracross
CURRENT SPECIAL
Starter 4: Horsea

Starter 5: Dratini
CURRENT SPECIAL
Starter 6: Cacnea

Andy stepped up, just as Wendy and Celia entered, Victor Davison following behind them.

And grabbed Heracross' pokeball and walked over to grab one of the many pokedex's stacked one on top of the other a few feet away on a smaller table. On that same table was a belt sack holding five pokeballs for six trainers.

"Cool," Andy whispered, admiring his pokemon, Heracross, as it observed him as well.

Everyone began choosing their preferred starter pokemon.

Victor decided on Dratini, and Wendy chose Horsea. Celia proudly gripped Eevee's luxury ball, and walked over to log in the trainer data into her new pokedex.

Eric snatched Gastly's pokeball from the tray-type pokeball holder built into the table, and sauntered off towards the pokedex area.

"Hello new friend," greeted a cheerful Seth, to his new Cacnea.

"Cac-cac-cacnea!" It cried out, jumping happily.

All six trainers soon partnered up to fight.
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"C'mon Andy," said Victor, allowing Dratini to slither over in front of him, ready to fight.

"Ok then Vicky," teased a playful Andy, placing Heracross down in front of him, smirking. "Let's go."

"Quit calling me that," complained Victor, soon after ordering a tackle attack.

"DODGE THAT," pleaded Andy, "And follow up with headbutt."

Heracross smoothly ducked as Dratini hissed over top of it, and rammed Dratini up into the air.

"Rapid spin now," commanded Victor.

"Bullet Seed," shouted a determined Andy, and Heracross sucked in air.

Dratini spun, slowly gaining force with each spin, and easily sailed through the seed assualt, knocking Heracross back into a nearby wall, and attempting another rapid spin. Dratini's constant bumping against equipment caused a few sparks to emmit from the machines it hit.

"Gust," Andy told Heracross, who obeyed, twirling Dratini upward and smashing it down with a great big 'swoosh' of air. Dratini hit the marble floor hard, and bounced back like the strong dragon-type it was!

"Now double team and dragon rage," Victor urged.

Dratini multiplied copies of itself until ten Dratini bounced around Heracross' location.

"Use bullet seed quick," spat Andy, hoping he would say that fast enough.

Just as Dragon Rage attacks met where Heracross would've been, it floated up fast, and turned with succession as it fired a shower of seeds, eventually hurting the real Dratini.

"Good, now headbutt," Andy spoke, following up with another attack.

"DRAGON RAGE," shouted a frustrated Victor.

"Oh no, stop!" pleaded a desperate Andy, but to no avail. The blast struck a speeding Heracross, sending him careening in the air into Andy's chest, who fell when knocked into. The two frowned, as they both felt pain surging through them. Emotional pain.
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"Now needle arm," said Seth, hopeful. "Then twineedle!"

A volley of needles pounded into Gastly, ten at a time.

Gastly's ditch effort to use night shade proved useless as an absorb attack sucked out all remaining energy, fueling Cacnea's power.
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"Eevee/Horsea, Quick attack," ordered both girls, and their loyal starter pokemon collided several times before stopping the blow-for-blow cycle.

"Bubble," called out Wendy, and Eevee was sent backwards as many bubbles penetrated it's soft fur.

"Don't give up now! Bite Eevee," squealed Celia, and her pokemon tore small pointed fangs into Horsea, and broke away.

"Water Gun, and continue the attacks with smog and headbutt," ordered Wendy.

"Avoid that and use Growl," shouted Celia, yet seeming patient through it all.

Eevee was again pelleted with Bubbles, but she quickly moved out of the path of smog, as a trail of posoin clouded her vision, and also missing its mark by a lot.

A blinding ink-jet of smoke blinded Eevee temporarily, and without orders, Horsea tackled Eevee. Celia smiled, a plan forming.

She began with, "Tail whip!"

Eevee jumped over the smoke cloud and whacked Horsea onto the floor with a well-aimed Tail whip.

"Finish it up now, pound!"

Horsea quickly avoided Pound. It propelled itself up into the air, moving back, by lifting itself off the ground with its tail.

"Great! Smog!" praised a pleased Wendy.

"Tackle," began Celia, "While using quick attack!"

A lightning fast charge rushed at Horsea, forcing it to the floor yet again, this time for good. Celia shook hands with Wendy, and they left together, the battle in no way having affected their friendship with each other.

Victor gritted his teeth, and grinned, shaking hands with a sad Andy, who later brightened up, and began to talk happily again! Victor left alone. He had no time to hang around. There were pokemon in the wild calling his name, and he was gonna catch them...

Seth left with Andy, glaring back at an angry Eric. Then he and Andy reached Viridian in a matter of minutes. The journey had begun. Just what that had in store for each of them is what's so mysterious...

Yami Ryu
25th June 2006, 5:02 AM
Seth ran as fast as he could down the dirt road, his unkempt brown, and as close to red as possible without being red, hair swaying in the wind. Upon reaching the lab twenty minutes early, he realized he had forgotten his potions he left at home.

With a bit of more planning out:


A young man in his teens ran down a path resembling a dirt road with all the speed his body could muster. Unkept, auburn hair swayed a little from the breeze he was creating from the running the teen, also known as Seth, was doing. It was only when he reached the lab out of breath, did he realise that the mad dash he had done to get their early, was wasted as he forgot his potions at home.


When he furiously kicked a tree, a flock of Spearow eyed him unpleasantly. That is how he started off on a fast-paced sprint back home, with rocks and bird droppings barely missing him, as angry Spearows releived themselves and dropped rocks high above his frequently-changing location.

So he suddenly went from being by the lab, to being assaulted by bird pokemon trying to crap on him like seagulls and drop rocks on him? I'd expect Spearows to be more of the 'I'll PECK YOUR EYES OUT >D' sort.


Starter 1: Eevee

Starter 2: Gastly

Starter 3: Heracross

Starter 4: Horsea

Starter 5: Dratini

Starter 6: Cacnea

These starters make no sense. Heracross is way stronger than unevolved basic pokemon. Being a non evolving pokemon. Dratini is SUPER RARE and Horsea can't battle well on dry land.

Overall this feels like a badly done mesh of Anime, Game and Original characters. I suggest you give your next chapter some more thought :/



"Finish it up now, pound!"

Horsea quickly avoided Pound.

How the feck did Horsea do that? :/ you half *** describe the battle in places, or leave out description entirely. Overall atm you have a one star fic or a two star fic :/ reading the Advice thread will help you get better, and maybe reading a few 4/5 star fics will also help.

Flashfire
25th June 2006, 2:41 PM
These starters make no sense. Heracross is way stronger than unevolved basic pokemon. Being a non evolving pokemon. Dratini is SUPER RARE and Horsea can't battle well on dry land.

Exactly. That is why I chose to make Heracross and Dratini, the pokemon with advantages, battle each other. Also, Horsea lost because of it's bad battling on land. And you bolded 'Eevee'. Can you tell me what's bad about Eevee?

The reason I have these weird starters it because I like to differ from the normal starter sets, and bring exotics and rares into the mix. And Victor has Dratini for a reason. That will come much MUCH later.




How the feck did Horsea do that? :/ you half *** describe the battle in places, or leave out description entirely. Overall atm you have a one star fic or a two star fic :/ reading the Advice thread will help you get better, and maybe reading a few 4/5 star fics will also help.

Thanks, it's just that this place has way higher fic standards than I'm used to. I will revise some of the battle scences, so come back and give me more tips when I'm done. I'll have put REVISED big like that and bold at the 'begining' of the fic. I'm off to the advice thread now!

Pokémon Guard
25th June 2006, 2:47 PM
Well, you need to be a little more descriptive. I really don't like how you ripped-off the very first episode of Pokemon, what with the spearow and all.

Also, the unbalance of starters is very odd. I realize why you matched-up Heracross and Dratini, but you need to be thinking a little more outside the box here. What if Victor had chosen a much weaker Pokemon instead? You have to make it more balanced, such as Charmander - Bulbasaur - Squirtle. Even if Heracross is fighting an equally strong Pokemon, you have to take into account the others.

In my fanfiction, I chose my starter lineup to be Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, Pikachu, and Eevee. Not exactly the best lineup (Squirtle doesn't look too good in this format), but it's okay. That's how you improve. :)

Astinus
25th June 2006, 2:54 PM
I'm really blind after reading your chapter. First, the spaces between each paragrah in the beginning annoyed me. Then...it was just the lack of knowing what was going on that lost me at the end. I mean, you jump way too fast between things. Like, the characters go from getting their Pokémon, to suddenly in a battle. Nothing was really fleshed out.

Yami Ryu bolded Eevee probably for the simple fact that whenever a new trainer receives one as a starter, it spells Sue-ism for that character. She might have her own reason though. I don't know. :/

At least you listened to her though. ¬¬

I'll edit my post with all the grammar mistakes that you made.

Exoctis and rares aren't given out in the world due to the fact that they are exotic and rare. The starters are easy for the professors to get.

Yami Ryu
25th June 2006, 3:05 PM
Oh I forgot about Eevee :/

Hanako: Not only that reason, but Eevee's are supposedly rare and hard to find pokemon. I've seen few fics with good ways the trainers came about them. One was a GSC era set fic, and the two main characters had been talking with Bill, and one was all OMGURMYIDOL at him as she was an aspiring pokemon researcher, and Bill had let them in on a secret, he was attempting to breed eevees, so they could be wild pokemon, and trainers might have an easier time of getting one, but since females are so rare, he was keeping it under wraps.

As I bet TR would be like kjrfvgergfuioer OMG FEMALE EEVEE OMG EEVEE BABIES!! :x

Flashfire
25th June 2006, 3:17 PM
Well, you need to be a little more descriptive. I really don't like how you ripped-off the very first episode of Pokemon, what with the spearow and all.

Also, the unbalance of starters is very odd. I realize why you matched-up Heracross and Dratini, but you need to be thinking a little more outside the box here. What if Victor had chosen a much weaker Pokemon instead? You have to make it more balanced, such as Charmander - Bulbasaur - Squirtle. Even if Heracross is fighting an equally strong Pokemon, you have to take into account the others.

In my fanfiction, I chose my starter lineup to be Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, Pikachu, and Eevee. Not exactly the best lineup (Squirtle doesn't look too good in this format), but it's okay. That's how you improve. :)

This may seem like a revised ripoff, but boy will it change! Just wait (until your eyes recover from reading my boring first part), and you'll see, lol

I intentionally made an unbalanced starter set, so that I could take the characters in different directions, character and plot-wise. This will also be revealed.

Flashfire
25th June 2006, 3:22 PM
I'm really blind after reading your chapter. First, the spaces between each paragrah in the beginning annoyed me. Then...it was just the lack of knowing what was going on that lost me at the end. I mean, you jump way too fast between things. Like, the characters go from getting their Pokémon, to suddenly in a battle. Nothing was really fleshed out.

Yami Ryu bolded Eevee probably for the simple fact that whenever a new trainer receives one as a starter, it spells Sue-ism for that character. She might have her own reason though. I don't know. :/

At least you listened to her though. ¬¬

I'll edit my post with all the grammar mistakes that you made.

Exoctis and rares aren't given out in the world due to the fact that they are exotic and rare. The starters are easy for the professors to get.

I know all this, and will improve. Okay, moving to the exotics and rares:

They will all have their own stories of how they were captured. (Pretty weak spoiler) This will come in time.

Flashfire
26th June 2006, 12:15 AM
Well, you need to be a little more descriptive. I really don't like how you ripped-off the very first episode of Pokemon, what with the spearow and all.

Actually, believe it or not, that episode didn't even cross my mind when writing this fic. And I find it hard to describe things when my scenes are in the starter lab. I need to improve on that.

Flashfire
26th June 2006, 1:59 AM
Andy walked to the pokemon center at dawn, when Seth was still sleeping. He picked up the green pokemon center phone and dialed Oak.

A few buzzing noises and the screen was fuzzy. Andy looked around impatiently at the blue-tiled floor and the ceiling fans that were placed here and there in the pokemon center lobby. Streamers decorated several areas in the lobby.

One banner Andy read said, "Second year with Chansey!"

Then Oak picked up, causing Andy to jump at the long awaited sound of the man's voice.

"Is that you, Andy?" asked Oak, as he observed the back of Andy's head.

"OH! Finally," exclaimed Andy, as he turned to face the screen.

"What did you want?" asked Oak, looking very tired. Andy thought he must've woken Oak.

"I'm sorry Professor! I'll call back after you get more sleep, in like two hours, if I'm near a phone."

"Andy, no! You misunderstood the situation," said Oak, lifting a Graveler with much difficulty. "Egh-...egh...my grand-s-son caught this pokemon." He dropped Graveler off to the side, happy to not be holding such a heavy creature anymore, and it rolled away from the screen.

"I've been lifting it all morning," he concluded. "That pesky Graveler keeps messing with my supplies."

"Why don't you put it outside?" inquired Andy. "Or in a pokeball?"

"I have. It uses rollout, breaks my fence, and tries to escape whenever I do. I had to use my Dragonite to fly after it and get it back. When I return it, it releases itself. My God, what I put up with these days!"

Andy stared blankly. He had never heard the Professor talk like this.

"Well uh..." Andy whispered, then spoke up louder, "I was wondering if you'd tell me where this Heracross was caught?"

"In Johto."

"I know," spat Andy rather rudely. Then with a calmer tone he said, "But what city or town?"

"I was on a trip to see my colleague, Elm, and found it hopping on branches near Azalea. I thought it would be nice to have as a begginer."

"Thank you Professor," Andy said, grinning with satisfaction. He felt better knowing his Heracross wasn't captured by an evil group and rescued. If this had been the truth, his Heracross may have been more likely to turn on him! This Heracross had been safely caught, knowing Oak. Probably with a disabling attack, because Andy knew Oak's battle style. Oak would render a Pokemon useless by using stat reduction moves or status problem attacks, then use a forceful move before throwing a pokeball.

Then the memories came.

Oak was tending to the Ponyta as usual, when Andy entered.

"I'm here Professor. Can I help you now?"

"Yes Andy, as long as this summer job is accepted by your parents."

"They said it was fine."

Then Andy was back to reality. Helping Oak when he was eight had been fun, but hard work. He observed his now fairly built figure, as he remembered all the jobs he'd had while being Oak's temporary aide over the summer. That was when Gary and Tracey came along. The two were older, and out-did Andy with each task.

Andy was bigger now, but was not interested in helping out. The humiliation of being outdone had lowered his enthusiasm. Now he just wanted to catch pokemon with his friend Seth.

"Bye Professor," exclaimed Andy happily, and placed the phone back where it belonged. He walked over to Nurse Joy.

"Hello," she said, while waving at him with a smile on her face.

"Hi Nurse Joy," said Andy. "I saw the banner and I wondered-" Andy pointed. "...is this really your second year with your Chansey?"

"Yes," she giggled, hugging the pink pokemon, as three others of its kind rushed around with stretchers. "It is."

"Oh, well take a present then," said Andy politely, giving Nurse Joy a bag of his pokeblocks he had made when he visited Mossdeep recently.

"Thank you," she exclaimed, and fed a pokeblock to Chansey, who ate it, smiling with satisfaction.

Andy left the Pokemon Center, and when he reached the tent he and Seth had put up, a sticky note was on the front. He plucked it off, and it read; "Went to train in grass. Come find me."

Andy dashed down the path to the grassy area, his shoulder length black hair flowing freely. He stopped when he saw Seth battling.

"Attack with Arm thrust," ordered a pleased Seth, as Cacnea extended one arm, attacking air with its arm that swept clean through an area without an opponent. It looked up, just as Rattata used super fang, hurting Cacnea and itself at the same time as it bit down with its humongous teeth, and the two backed away from each other, Rattata landing smoothly with thorns stuck to its face.

"NEEDLE ARM," shouted Seth, frustrated that he couldn't even beat a weak Rattata.

Rattata dodged several needles, but three nailed it, and the beaten rat tumbled backward, crashing into the ground. Andy nodded.

"Nice battle pal," he congratulated warmly, and saw Seth's shocked look. "Yeah," he started to say, then continued with, "I was watching you."

Seth high-fived Andy, and they both examined the twitching Rattata. Andy had to do something. He placed an Oran Berry in front of it, which the wild Pokemon sprang up to eat.

Both boys left as the Rattata swallowed the berry and regained health, Cacnea following behind them. When they got to their campsite, they saw Eric fighting a Pidgey.

"Gastly Lick," he commanded.

The two watched as Eric's creepy ghost pokemon licked the Pidgey eerily, slime dripping from its tongue. The bird was then assaulted with Night Shade, a purple blur enveloping it, leaving it on the ground cawing weakly. Eric then reached for a pokeball, and threw it. The orb opened, sucking in a surprised bird pokemon. The ball vibrated three times, and finally the lit button turned silver again.

"Yeah!" shouted Eric, jumping for joy.

"Gimme a break, you captured a Pidgey." That was Seth.

"Hey, where'd you come from?" asked an annoyed Eric. He turned to face them both.

"We followed the yellow brick road," spat Andy with a wry smile.

"Whatever," said Eric, walking off in another direction. "AT LEAST I HAVE TWO POKEMON," he yelled over his shoulder, and much to the two trainers' releif, dissapeared into a thicket.

Then Seth decided what his next move would be. He walked over to Viridian Gym with Andy, and entered. Andy shook his head.

"Seth..." he pleaded.

"I'm ready Andy," he assured his still doubtful friend. He walked inside further.

"You have come to challenge me," said a boy's voice. Seth looked into the face of Wally.

"I came to fight the gym leader."

"That's me. I came from Hoenn to be Viridian's gym leader."

"You're kidding. You are so short! Where is the gym leader?"

"Right here," Wally insisted.

"Fine then," whispered Seth, and walked onto a platform. The platform raised until it was level with Wally's, which was a battlefeild's distance from his.

"Go Kirlia," Wally announced, and his Psychic pokemon obeyed, appearing in a red flash of light.

"Kir-lia," said the Pokemon.

"C'mon Cacnea," ordered Seth, and his cactus pokemon bumbled over onto the arena.

"Begin," shouted a man wearing a referee's outfit. "The battle will be between-uh..."

"Seth from Pallet," Seth finished.

"Seth From Pallet," yelled the man, "And Wally from Petalburg. This will be a one on one match! Let the battle begin."

"You said that already," shouted Andy impatiently.

"Go Cacnea, tackle," ordered Seth, ignoring the referee.

Cacnea rushed at Kirlia.

"Psychic," said Wally calmly.

Kirlia lifted Cacnea and forced it back with it's mental powers.

Cacnea slammed into the raised platform, causing Seth to almost fall. Seth glared angrily at Wally. There had to be a way to win.

"Needle arm," he suddenly shouted.

Spikes closed in on Kirlia.

"Confusion and Calm Mind," yelled Wally.

Kirlia dodged the spikes by floating out of their path, and fired a violet mental beam that struck Cacnea hard. It then began to glow, and shut its eyes.

Cacnea turned to Andy, and used Needle Arm.

Seth gasped. "Cacnea, stop it! You're confused!"

Wally asked, "How do you expect a confused pokemon to obey you?"

Andy dove behind Seth's raised platform, one needle cutting his left leg. Cacnea was brought to reality when it hurt its master's friend. It turned back to Kirlia, anger rising.

"AGH!" Andy managed to say, as he cowered behind the platform holding his injured leg. Seth gritted his teeth and ordered, "Absorb!"

Kirlia was brought out of meditation as energy slipped away from it, while a green bubble squeezed tight around, finally letting up and returning to Cacnea.

"Now finish it, Cacnea! Needle arm!"

Several needles bombarded Kirlia, who was not prepared for the assault, and fainted, floating down to the floor, defeated. Cacnea hopped around joyously, and was returned.

"...no...I was beaten." Wally gaped, then laughed. "Finally! I've beaten everyone so far who has challenged me. Here is your badge Seth," continued a stunned Wally, and when the platform's sank to floor level, he walked up to Seth and handed the gleaming item to him.

"Cool, it's shiny," said Seth in awe. "Thank you," Seth told Wally. They shook hands firmly, and Seth left, satisfied, with Andy. Cacnea was resting inside its pokeball.

He had removed the blood-stained needle and used Heracross' string shot attack as a makeshift bandage until he could get some medical care. As soon as the boys exited, Andy limped his way to the Pokemon Center entrance. Seth watched as a panicking group of more experienced Chansey's than Nurse Joy's newest one rushed his friend inside. When he was sure Andy was inside safely, he began to sprint toward the grassy feild again to see what other pokemon he could find.

Almost instantly, A girl with red hair walked over to him. "Hi Seth, said a familiar voice, as she approached him, having obviously acquired a Pokemon. Trainers had a look about them. Seth focused his vision and gasped.

"Amber?" inquired a surprised Seth. Amber had been his secret 'girl next door' crush, and he couldn't beleive he was seeing her here in Viridian. She giggled, nodding.

"That's me," she replied, her bubbly personality getting to him, as usual.

"You got a pokemon too?"

"Sure did," she said, showing him her Vulpix. "I went out and caught it myself. My dad loaned me his Lotad, and I went into the forest searching. That's when I rescued her from a group of Zubat near Diglett's cave. I brough her home and then, after we fed her and she was well rested, I went to get my trainers' liscense from Oak."

Seth smiled, happy to see someone else friendly would be around, at least for a while.

"After that was taken care of, I headed here. I'm glad you're here too, Seth."

Those words penetrated Seth's emotions. He had butterflies in his stomach as he looked at her. She was glad he was here, with her.

As she spoke, the ground began to shake.

The two looked up and saw a group with vicious looking Pokemon glaring at them.

"I'm Flare," said a well-dressed lady.

A man wearing a red outfit with a crescent symbol on it, stepped forward menacingly. A younger man followed.

The first one shouted, "I am Bruce, the fearless warrior of Team Lunacy!"

The younger man whacked him on the back of the head. "Oh c'mon," he said, embarrassing his partner.

"Oh, who am I kidding? He's Bruce, I'm just Oliver, the tall weakling."

The girl laughed jovially. "You've got that right," she agreed. "These are our pokemon, Mawile, Sableye, and Xatu."

"Why should we care," asked a blunt Amber. "You sound more like Team Loony!"

"Because we're about to defeat you and take all your goods!" shreiked Flare, impatiently, her blonde hair rising up due to her angry state. "Now Xatu, Psybeam!"

A tall green bird pokemon levitated forward, eyes glaring, and materialized a violet beam, that landed in front of Vulpix, causing the ground underneath it to crumble. Vulpix was pushed back by the sheer force, as the blast was moved upward, into her face. Amber ordered quickly, "Agility!" Vulpix jumped away from the attack, and began to dart from area to area in a quick frenzy.

"Speed is our advantage," shouted Seth. "Cacnea, help out!" His Cacnea materialized, and bombarded Xatu with needles, stopping the force of Psybeam. Xatu fell, and caught itself in midair. Cacnea stared down Xatu, and surprised everyone by fainting! It had used way too much energy recently, and returned itself.

"Oh my god," complained Seth, stomping the ground. Suddenly, Amber took Seth's pokeball, freed Cacnea from its resting area, and used a revive on it.

"Good thing I bought this," she said, smiling. "Vulpix tackle!"

Seth chuckled with delight. "Now Cacnea, Pound!"

The unfed Xatu was hit with two moves at once, fainting instantly.

"Oh darn," said Bruce. "Let's go Sableye, Shadow ball!"

Andy ran over to the scene, calling out, "Endure now!"

Heracross flew in front of the black sphere, and took the damage, barely surviving.

"Now," he told Heracross, "Bullet seed!"

"Ember," shouted Amber.

Seeds hit Sableye, and then it took a painful dive into the ground when forced backwards by a scorching hot ember attack, causing it to faceplant into the ground. Sableye attempted to get up, but gave in after several seconds of protest from its muscles.

Seth finished up the trio's last pokemon. "Hit Mawile with Arm thrust!" he commanded. Cacnea sprang forward.

Mawile's headbutt was no match for Cacnea's spiky arm, which slammed it backwards.

"Run away!" shouted the cowardly Oliver, calling back his Mawile and dashing away. Flare followed him, returning Xatu and starting a mad dash after Oliver. Even the tough Bruce gave up, attempting to leave.

"Stop right there," yelled Amber. "Vulpix Will-o-wisp!"

A purple flaming streak shredded the distance between the two groups of people, and an explosion replaced Oliver, Bruce, and Flare's locations. Seth and Andy laughed. The three were sent into the air painfully, and landed somewhere far off.

"So, what's been going on with you two," asked Amber.

"Come with us," said Andy, and we'll tell ya all about it. That said, the three teens ran back to the campsite, leaving behind the goofy trio of 'bad guys'. A new day was just begining, and the group was not planning on wasting on second.

Yami Ryu
26th June 2006, 6:07 AM
Triple Posting is rule breaking :/

Johto. not Jhoto. :/ wtf is a jhoto.

Meh I see no real improvement. This is just so rushed I get confused as you throw characters about like they're pop corn! you rush over things that could be stretched out atleast a paragraph, and you leave your characters as flat as a piece of paper :/ I suggest you take your rear on over to Advice for Aspiring Authors, plonk it down, and read the thread.

Twice.

:/

Diddy
26th June 2006, 10:25 AM
i noticed a mistake.

Where a gastly used lick on a Pidgey. but a lick attack wouldn't affect a Pidgey.

Its just wierd if the pokemon can break the rules of pokemon

Astinus
26th June 2006, 10:50 AM
Grammar review!


Then Oak picked up, causing Andy to jump at the long awaiting sound of the man's voice.

"Awaiting" should be "awaited".


"Is that you Andy?"

Comma after "you".


"I'm sorry Professor, I'll call back after you get more sleep, in like two hours, if I'm near a phone."

Comma after "sorry". And make the comma after "Professor" a full stop.


My god, what I put up with these days!"

Capitalize "god", unless it's not meaning the Christian God.


I thought it would be nice to have as a begginer."


"begginer" should be "beginner".


"I'm here Professor.

Comma after "here".


Then Andy was back to reality. Helping Oak when he was eight had been fun, but hard work.

Comma after "hard".


He observed he now fairly built figure, as he remembered all the jobs he'd had while being Oak's temporary aide over the summer.

The "he" after "observed" should be "his".


"Yes," she giggled, hugging the pink pokemon, "It is."


Comma after "pokemon" should be a full stop.


He plucked it off, and it read; "Went to train in grass. Come find me."


The semi-colon would work better as a colon.


"Gastly Lick," he commanded.


Comma after "Gastly".


he yelled over his shoulder, and much to the two trainers' releif, dissapeared into a thicket.


"releif" should be "relief", and "dissapeared" should be "disappeared".


The platform raised until it was level with Wally's, which was a battlefeild's distance from his.


"battlefeild's" should be "battlefield's".


"Seth From Pallet," yelled the man, "And Wally from Petalburg.

No need to capitalize "and".


This will be a one on one match!

"one on one" is hyphenated: "one-on-one".


Kirlia lifted Cacnea and forced it back with it's mental powers.


No apostrophe in "it's". "It's" is the contraction of "it is." "Its" is the possesive.


"...no...I was beaten."

Capitalize "no". It's the first word of your sentence.


"...no...I was beaten." Wally gaped, then laughed. "Finally! I've beaten everyone so far who has challenged me. Here is your badge Seth," continued a stunned Wally, and when the platform's sank to floor level, he walked up to Seth and handed the gleaming item to him.


We already know Wally is the one talking. No need to tell us again. Get rid of "continued a stunned Wally".


Seth watched as a panicking group of more experienced Chansey's than Nurse Joy's newest one rushed his friend inside.

The plural of "Chansey" is "Chansey." It's the same for all Pokémon names.


Almost instantly, A girl with red hair walked over to him.

No need to capitalize "a".


"Hi Seth, said a familiar voice, as she approached him.

Finish off your quotations after "Seth".


Amber had been his secret 'girl next door' crush, and he couldn't beleive he was seeing her here in Viridian.

"beleive" should be "believe".


I brough her home and then, after we fed her and she was well rested, I went to get my trainers' liscense from Oak."


"brough" should have a "t" at the end to make it "brought", and the apostrophe for "trainers'" should go before the "s".


"You've got that right," she agreed.

No need for the "she agreed" at the end. We already know she's the one talking.


"Oh my god," complained Seth, stomping the ground.

Again, capitalize "god", unless it is a different god than the Christian one.


"Vulpix tackle!"

Comma after "Vulpix".


The unfed Xatu was hit with two moves at once, fainting instantly.


"Unfed"? It lost because it was hungry? What does that have to do with anything?


"Vulpix Will-o-wisp!"


Comma after "Vulpix".


"Come with us," said Andy, and we'll tell ya all about it.

Need quotes around "and we'll tell ya all about it."


A new day was just begining, and the group was not planning on wasting on second.

Should be "not planning on wastine one second."

=

Grammar review: Simple proof-reading needs to be done. Use some word processing program that can catch your spelling mistakes. Then read over your chapter to make sure that you have proper punctuation where needed. Also, capitalize the names of Pokémon, the word Pokémon itself, and the attacks the creatures use.

Overall: I find that you tend to repeat information. You will say in one paragraph that "Seth returned Cacnea to its Pokéball." In the next paragraph, you say "Cacnea was in its Pokéball." Well, no duh. You also repeat who says something. If the sentence before the dialogue is an action taking by the character who will soon speak, then there is no need for the dialogue tag.

You crammed way too much into this one chapter. Four battles in a chapter that is only six pages is a little much. Why? Because you don't describe the battles. You should have full descriptions of attacks, how the Pokémon move and feel, how the trainer feels. There was nothing of that sort in your battles. In the battle against Wally, Cacnea was confused one second, fine the next. Describe everything!

Another problem is the lack of emotions in dialogue. When someone shouts, yells, commands, exclaims, the proper punctuation is an exclaimation point. This thing: ! That way, your characters' dialogue will seem more...shall we say...human.

Your characters don't feel human because you don't describe them. Like why was Andy so concerned how Heracross was captured. Why does he have reason to question that?

All in all, this is moving way too fast. Slow down and describe some more. Read some of the five/four-star fics to see how they became so highly rated. Then practice your description for the next chapter.

Flashfire
1st July 2006, 2:09 AM
The unfed Xatu was hit with two moves at once, fainting instantly.



"Unfed"? It lost because it was hungry? What does that have to do with anything?

I clearly said nothing about that being why it lost

Flashfire
1st July 2006, 11:01 PM
Next Chapster-->(I claim this new name for 'chapter!')

Chapter 3: Explanations & Confessions

Andy was thinking hard about Heracross' capture. He was glad to know it hadn't been saved from abuse and caught the natural way. He felt that if a Pokemon were abused, he would not be able to give it the proper care it needed. After all, he thought to himself, I've got barely any experience in the ‘being a trainer’ department.

The trio was about to get to the edge of the forest, unaware of what they would find there. Within the outskirts of Viridian, trouble awaited them.
__________________________________________________ ________________________________________

Three Fearow quietly flew over Viridian, scouting the area with their alert eyes, a hunger for revenge building, causing their pointed beaks to tremble with anticipation. The boy had gotten away. When these three had a target, they never got away. These were the best in their entire flock, and the thought of an escaped prey damaged their pride greatly. The three former Spearows were followed by the less built Fearow’s in the group (They had all honed their new skills and strength before coming here). This menacing flock, darkening the city with their shadows, conjured a few gasps from the people who dared exit their homes to gaze upon the large birds, flying in formation.

The other younger birds were just as eager to find and attack their escaped prey, and the only satisfaction would be drawn from the image of this young boy, battered and broken, at their mercy. Just then, three kids came into view as they burst clear of the forest, and stopped at a large tent. One boy, his smooth locks swaying in the wind, stared up at them. ‘Seth.’ Was this the name they had heard his apparent mother call him from the opposite side of the door they attempted to knock down with fierce fury attacks in order to get to the boy?

This was where a certain subject arose; English. The language humans used to communicate with their kind, the Pokemon. A language this now frightened boy would no longer speak when they were done with him! Heck, the teen would be broken into bits, so how could he speak any language at all?

After some savage thoughts, the entire flock swooped downward, in excellent formation. They were as one. Their next actions were as if they had combined double team with other flying attacks, as the many Fearow tore through shelter and knocked over people and enslaved Pokemon (Why did they keep their brothers and sisters in those darn Pokeballs?) in a ruthless attempt to reach Seth. He dove inside the tent, barely dodging two birds. Two Fearow, having soared from two different angles, collided painfully, their heads and beaks smashing together unpleasantly.

Seth

I ran, barely staying stable as I sized up (with much delight, and five times over) Amber’s great appearance. Andy, the crazy clown, cracked jokes that seemed to be sat on far too long, as Amber remarked politely, yet a tinge of disinterest entered her quick replies. She was remarkably good looking, and I wasn’t too sure what she thought of me and my unattractive ruffled hair. All I knew was I was determined to develop a relationship with her. I found myself on the ground in a matter of seconds.

"Great," I said in a muffled voice, spitting out dirt. I had tripped over an Oddish that was planted into the ground. Andy hoisted me up, since I couldn't stand yet.

"Ow-OW!" I yelped, as I sat on a big white rock, while Amber rubbed something horribly painful against my open wound. She ignored my cries of discomfort, and continued.

"Now," she told me, her heavenly voice soon forgotten, "Hold still..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

When we finally started off on the trail again, my leg all bandaged up, I felt miserable. It wasn't just my throbbing leg either! I had screamed like a sissy in front of my crush! She didn't act phased at all, yet I knew she must have felt something like shame or embarrassment. My head hung low as we emerged from the dense forest that blocked the low grass by wedging in between it and Viridian. I felt my hair rise as I looked up at the mass of Pokemon causing the humongous shadow.

The thought of the fantastic scenery left my mind. All I saw was birds. No tall Oak trees or sparkling lakes along the path were visible anymore...

The Spearow had returned! The now evolved birds had come to shred me to bits. I gasped in shock, feeling limp, as I was now completely exposed to them.

"Head for the tent," ordered Amber, her voice quavering yet certain. The three of us, me two feet behind them both, dashed for the campsite, hearts pounding. I stared in desperation at the opening to the tent which seemed so distant.

"SETH," called out a panicked voice, and I noticed Amber was pointing from the semi-transparent tent.

I turned to look, and dove on instinct for the opening once I saw the entire 'army' charging from the sky at me. I heard surprised squawks, and whipped around in time to see a collision of a couple of Fearows before Andy zipped up the tent. They clearly had been after me.

"Phew," I sighed. "Those birds sure were scary!"

Ignoring my unnecessary obvious comment, Amber spoke.

"Okay," she began, shivering as she looked wide-eyed at the fast growing holes in the tent. "We need a plan now!"

"I've got one," said Andy. We both stared impatiently in his direction.

"We make...a peace offering with bags of pokechow."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Hey," I shouted, "Amber...remember that old game we made up?"

"Oh, you mean-"

She was cut off by a loud tearing noise. The tent was ripped open on one side, and angry Fearow forced their way through. The three of us nodded at each other, and hid just before the birds came inside.

Three Pokeballs were thrown from our hiding places, crashing together and sucking each other in, along with the several Fearow's that had entered the spacious tent. This was a made-up game Amber, Andy and I had made up one day at a camp we visited for upcoming trainers. We like to call it 'Pokebomb'. We decided this game should be played

Then Andy leapt from his secret hiding spot, grabbed the piping hot Pokeball, and tossed it through the forced rip in the tent. A dazzling explosion of blue light erupted from the sphere, and the Pokeball blew up, along with the other Pokeballs within, just as the four younger Fearow were released.

Many squawks were heard as the entire group was assaulted by the unexpected sneak attack, and several flew off into the distance, like cowards. Ten older Fearow, however, stayed to fight, glaring at the three of us as we exited to face them.

"That's too many," admitted Andy, "we can't-"

"Giving up already?" asked a voice.

"Yeah," a girl's voice said. Then another female spoke.

"Then we'll have to clean up your mess."

Victor, Celia, and Wendy walked up to us, allowing their Pokemon to come out, a red flash emerging from the three Pokeballs.

"We're still out numbered," I made sure to point out.

"Yeah," Victor said, "But we share a bond with our companions, the pokemo-"

"WE JUST got them," I yelled at him, ruining his heroic monologue.

"Whatever man, just battle!" he shouted back. "Dratini, attack now!"

Dratini slithered over in front of us all, and unleashed a powerful Dragon Rage, which wiped out four Fearow when used twice. I gaped. How could Professor Oak give this out as a BEGINNER Pokemon?

Victor ordered, "Bide!"

His Pokemon did not obey, much to his surprise, and was hit with a wing attack that forced it backwards. It was much too strong to listen to him, I figured it must have realized. Dratini slithered off into the forest, ignoring calls to come back and fight. Victor said something inaudible as he backed away, and Celia and Wendy prepared to take over and fight. I took one last look as the blue tail disappeared behind a bush.

I got into the action, ordering a Needle Arm attack from Cacnea. It bumbled over next to me, and fired a useless volley of needles at the non-phased birds. The sharp objects sliced the Fearow, who all blinked to show their disappointment with Cacnea's power level, their beaks gleaming in the sunlight. Three of them rushed in with peck simultaneously, knocking down my Cacnea, who was at a disadvantage. The three giant beaks rammed Cacnea with force unimaginable, managing to scrape some skin, and also causing some of its spikes to detach from it.
I felt like a rag doll, looking on as I watched an uncontrollable moment, since I was useless to Cacnea. There was no way these cruel birds would move back a few seconds, telling me in their language, “Oh sure, we’ll just float a few feet back in the air and gaze upon the two of you as Cacnea is treated with a potion so it can hit us with more prickly objects!” I looked to Amber and Andy, who were pale.

“NO! Try Razor Leaf Cacnea, do something!”

“Stop,” Amber interjected, grinning. “This…is my department. Vulpix, help Cacnea out!”

Her red fox glared at the brutal Pokemon. They were giving all Pokemon bad names. It had to stop now, before other Pokemon began to think this was acceptable and attack other humans and their Pokemon.
“VULLLL-PIXXXX!” it cried out, angrily rushing forward, jumping just above Fearow. It let loose a flaming hot sphere that evaporated as it met skin, horribly singing the bird’s feathered head and back as it did. Smoke began to spread as it fired multiple ember attacks, catching several Fearow off guard.

Cacnea bobbed back and forth, unsteady, finally managing to get back to me, its head lowered in shame. I looked over at Cacnea before I returned it, telling him,

"It’s all right. We'll just get you to a Pokemon Center and go train so you can be powerful."

I will never forget that face. Cacnea's disapproving stare pierced my soul. Cacnea hated me for allowing it to lose. That was when I realized one of my dislikable traits. Actually a couple of traits. I was selfish and rash. Maybe mildly, but it was there nonetheless. My Pokemon had just been beaten to a pulp several times over my two hours of being with it, and I insisted that it heal and continue to battle?

As I evaluated myself, placing Cacnea's Pokeball in my belt sack, I picked up on some of the battle. Focusing on two things at once was a skill I was glad to have inherited.

I heard Celia say, "Use pound Eevee!"

I heard Wendy's Horsea spraying water at one Fearow, which, burned and doused, fell to the ground defeated. Eevee used Horsea's tail to spring it into the air, and it landed hard on one of the two remaining Fearow's neck, causing it to face plant, or rather, beakplant into the dirt. By this time I was fully paying attention again.

Heracross met Fearow when it yanked its face from the dirt, with an unexpected Razor Wind, which blew it away several miles into the distance. This new move had been learned after it beat one of the burned Fearow.

Several minutes later, only two Fearow remained. Both teams of Pokemon were tired, yet persistent. Eevee was snuck up on with drill peck, and skidded back on the ground, unable to continue battling. Celia ran off in the direction Victor had gone, searching for his Dratini.

I had given the last trainers standing room to fight. Amber and Wendy teamed up with a dual Ember/Water Spout attack that did little damage to the strongest and swiftest Fearow in the flock. It cawed viciously, darting forward at Horsea with quick attack. A stream of air kicked up dust behind it, and it knocked over Horsea, proceeding to attack Vulpix.

If I was so bad a trainer, I felt I needed to balance out my karma with a good deed. I rummaged through my backpack and pulled out a vile. It was time to send these birds packing. What had Viridian done to deserve this? I had started this whole mess, so I was going to help stop it.

Amber was panting from exhaustion, as she constantly called out moves to dodge or attack the mean birds, and her voice had become raspy. Vulpix was weak and would give in to defeat any second now. Andy and Heracross finally were beaten, in a double K.O. between the second best Fearow and Heracross, when their wing attacks collided.

Cacnea was definitely not in the mood to listen to me, so it would not take a potion. There was only one very risky option. The trainers nearby and their Pokemon were hurt bad, since they had been caught off guard, so they couldn't help out.

"HEY VULPIX!" I yelled, and it weakly looked over at me. I popped the cork off, and tossed. I threw the vile with an aim I hoped was good enough for Vulpix. Fearow's quick attack missed this time, as Vulpix leapt, flipping into the air backwards, catching the green liquid in midair in its mouth, swallowing, and landing refreshed.

"I know this is supposed to be instant relief potion, but gosh!" I said, chuckling with happiness as Vulpix stood straighter, fire in its determined eyes, which had recently been lifeless. The fox spun around in time to duck when Fearow bolted at it with peck.

Amber, surprised and pleased that there was hope, shouted, "Will-o-Wisp!"

Fearow, having avoided a fatal burn, squawked in shock as Vulpix lit up. An explosion expanded outward, pushing everyone nearby (oh yes, even me, Mr. Inconsiderate!), back a few feet. Some were scalded, but only cared about these pesky Fearow being defeated!

Dust spread quickly, and I shut my eyes.

The sounds of fire crackling and cries of anger and pain stopped all at once. Everybody opened their eyes to see Vulpix crawling limply over to Amber. The crowd bursts with excitement, and chanted the individual names of our Pokemon!

I plopped down at the same time as Vulpix. Wendy, Amber, Horsea, Andy, Heracross, Vulpix and I all sat together laughing, as the last Fearow flew away reluctantly with what little energy it had left. The residents of Viridian all invited in to separate houses, where we rested, and were treated as saviors. Next, we all ate in the richest person in Viridian's, mansion. He was grateful to us and gave us whatever we requested, though each and every one of us was modest and only asked for what we could not bear leaving without. Celia soon joined us, without Victor. She said she did not want to talk about what happened just yet, and was given a room to stay in until the next day came. She never left the room.

Once we had all eaten and healed our Pokemon with the generous Dylan’s Pokemon Healing Machine in his mansion, we were allowed to let our Pokemon loose in the Pokemon Play Room he had in his mansion. Our Pokemon met his, and lounged around for a while before we all left the mansion, once we had talked about our separate past events as trainers. Dylan gave each of us one Dive Ball. In addition, he gave Celia a heart scale (even though hers wasn’t a parting gift), me a Green Shard, Amber a Fire Stone, Andy a Moon Stone, and Wendy received a Dragon Scale. He gave Celia a Soothe Bell for Victor, in case she crossed paths with him again.

Celia

I confess. I screwed things up for Victor. My actions got him hurt really bad, and now I may never find him. I told the others this, who attempted to comfort me, but gimme a break! I will always feel guilty, even if I find him. His Dratini was startled when I came running and spewed Dragonbreath attack everywhere. It caused a 2nd degree burn on Victor’s torso area, leaving a black-rimmed hole in his shirt.

“Get back, go!” He spat as blood stained his shirt. He grunted violently, and I insisted on him coming back with me to see Nurse Joy. That’s when he ran after Dratini, and fell down a rocky hill, disappearing into the dangerous part of the forest. I didn’t dare go there. My mother said it was haunted and scary and gave me explicit instructions to steer clear of that area, for the ghosts of wild Pokemon that resided there would take me away if I explored this area.

I grudgingly started back toward Viridian, sulking all the while. My Heart Scale reminds me of my secret love for him. I can only hope he will be found. Dylan is nice, but I cannot stay here forever and cry. I must get help for Victor. A search party! That’s it! I will consult Officer Jenny, and her team will find Victor. All I can do is hope for the best.

NEXT-The Dragon Prince Chronicles

Probably the name of next fic (Based on Victor's destiny), but for now that is chapster 4's name;384; ;330;

OJG
2nd July 2006, 4:42 PM
Ok, I have read all 3 chapters and wonder how baby Cacnea and Vulpix can beat Xatu and Fearow. It doesn't make sence.

Also the sence of time is wierd. All three chapters all seem to be set on the same day.