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~*Nobody*~
25th June 2006, 6:55 AM
All I Need is a Home is dedicated to all the children, and animals that live on the streets. Here’s hoping that they all find a good, loving and caring home. PG.


Chapter one: Blazing house burning soul

“Come on boy!” A young boy said running in front of a Poochyena. The Poochyena’s eyes were a green, his body an odd brown. The paws were a snow white as well as the tail.
The boy, by the looks of it only five, had light brown hair. It was very short, his eyes were a sky blue. He wore a red T-shirt and black shorts.

“Pooch go fetch!” The young boy said throwing a small stick for the Pokemon. The sun was starting to set, as the soft patter of the Pokemon’s feet came closer to the boy. The sun’s glow started to soften as it set over the horizon.

“Dan, time to come inside!” A female voice called to him.
She was a thin female, around the age of 36. She also had light brown hair, it went down to her lower back. She was wearing a long purple dress, it one you would see a stay at home mom wears. Her eyes were a emerald green.

“Coming mom!” Dan yelled back at his mom. “Just one more throw!”

“Ok dear!” His mom yelled back, turning around and going back into the house.
That last throw soon turned into another two hours of playing. Again Dan heard the soft patter of the Poochyena’s feet ageist the grass Pooch dropped a stick at Dan’s feet and looked into the boys eyes.

“Oh, it’s getting late. We should head home.” Dan said looking at the silvery glow of the moon ageist the blackened sky. Pooch turned his head at this and then followed the boy back to his house. After five minutes Dan started to see red, yellow and orange flicker ageist the sky. As Dan got closer he saw that the red flicker was his house burning. Dan starred in fear, Pooch ran behind a bush thinking his master would follow. At last Dan found his voice.

“NO!” He yelled with tears running down his cheeks. He saw many water Pokemon trying to put out the massive fire. The blaze started to get to powerful and the smaller water Pokemon ran off. The fire fighters released stronger and bigger Pokemon to try and put out the blaze.

“Look, their kid!” One of his neighbors pointed out. Dan was too shocked to react.
No one noticed him though, they were to busy thinking that he and his parents were dead. The one person that had pointed him out soon thought he was seeing things because Dan soon hid himself behind a bush.
After an hour Dan saw two men pulling two bodies out of the house. They placed them in a bag and zipped it up. His parents had died in the fire, Dan was glad that he had not been in the house at the time but wished it had never happened.

“Mom, Dad…” He sobbed from behind the bush. Pooch licked his face, also knowing what pain Dan was having. Dan started to cry even harder. Pooch laid down beside the crying boy, and licked his hand until Dan heard some voices.

“We couldn’t find the kid. I guess he died in one of the areas that clasped.” One of the confused fire men said looking at the burnt down house. “Poor kid, it had to happen to a nicer family.”

“Ya, Eve was such a nice lady to.” The other one agreed. “Come on Mudkip.”

“MUDKIP!” The Pokemon said ready to go home. The Pokemon got returned into its Pokeball. The last two men at the sight left.

“Why? Why now?” Dan sobbed, he slowly cried himself and Pooch to sleep. Dan was awoken by the glittering sun. His cheeks were stained with tears. He looked at Pooch, he was already up. Dan slowly got up and looked at the ruble of his burnt house. He started to walk to wards it and started to search through it. He found a torn and burnt picture of his mom and dad at their wedding. Dan took the picture and hugged it. It seemed to be his last glitter of hope before his life would turn for the worst. Pooch stood beside him soon Dan turned and ran into the forest. People thought he was dead. His parents were dead. Nothing mattered now.
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I didn't really do much to that one but make it a little more descriptive. Chapter two is allready done Chapter three almost done so I'll update as much as I can. Oh and ya I do know that its short but the next chapter isn't so I guess it sort of makes up for it....

Yami Ryu
25th June 2006, 7:18 AM
... either get a beta reader, or run this through a spell check program :/ And maybe taking the time to make everything fit more smoothely such as:


“Ok dear!” His mom yelled back, turning around and going back into the house.
SPACE
That last throw soon turned into another, and another, untill it had turned intp two hours of playing between the young lad and his pokemon. Again Dan heard the soft patter of the Poochyena’s feet ageist the grass as Pooch brought the stick back to Dan to drop at his feet before looking up into the boys eyes, seemingly to silently beg the boy for one more throw.

I can see you are trying, but take your time to actually re-write the fic :/

~*Nobody*~
25th June 2006, 7:31 AM
Thank you for the constructive Criticism. I am trying to re-write most of the parts. I do type on MS word so it does spell check. But I'm still not the best at spelling Pokemon names unless I memorized them. I'll do my best to make everything fit beter and maybe get my friend to reveiw it over for me so she can help make it better. (OMG I didn't throw a fit! *Throws small party*)

Treeckoman7
25th June 2006, 7:20 PM
This is a really good fic so far. It has good potential in my opinion. I'm gonna keep my eye in this fic. Very sentimental.

shadowlight
25th June 2006, 7:50 PM
I agree with Treeckoman7 this has potential
This was a good Prologue I hope the next chapter is just as good

~*Nobody*~
25th June 2006, 9:29 PM
Thank you! The next chapter is sad and done but I'm still tweeking with it. With any luck I say it will be up later today or tomorrow.

~*Nobody*~
26th June 2006, 2:04 AM
Well I'm going to my granma's now so here is chapter two:


Chapter two: Tough luck

7 years later…

“Seven years of living on the street. No one even knows I exist!” Dan complained bitterly, looking at Pooch, who had become a Mightyena.

“Grrr.” Pooch growled, lying on the cold flat stone floor of the cave.
Pooch had the same colors he had as a Poochyena nothing but his body shape really changed.
Dan’s hair had grown longer and gotten darker. His clothes were either stolen or torn ripped and dirty. His sky blue eyes’ no longer glittered with hope and life, they had become filled with fear and anger. They weren’t even sky blue anymore, a slate blue was the color his eyes were now.
Dan’s and Pooch’s personalities had also taken a turn for the worst. Both were snappy and very rude. Pooch was mean and snapped at every one but Dan. He was also very mean, doing what ever it takes to get food, water and clothes.

“Come on Pooch, its time to get you and me some food.” Dan said standing up in his ragged dirty clothes. Dan walked about five feet, and then stopped waiting for his loyal friend. Pooch ran up to him and together they started the long path to the restaurant.
On the way there he spotted a girl playing in the yard, the yard Dan had played in the night of his parent’s death.
~Flash Back~

“NO!” He yelled with tears running down his cheeks. He saw many water Pokemon trying to put out the massive fire. The blaze started to get to powerful and the smaller water Pokemon ran off. The fire fighters released stronger and bigger Pokemon to try and put out the blaze.

“Look, their kid!” One of his neighbors pointed out. Dan was too shocked to react.
No one noticed him though, they were to busy thinking that he and his parents were dead. The one person that had pointed him out soon thought he was seeing things because Dan soon hid himself behind a bush.
After an hour Dan saw two men pulling two bodies out of the house. They placed them in a bag and zipped it up. His parents had died in the fire, Dan was glad that he had not been in the house at the time but wished it had never happened.

~End of Flashback~

“Mom, Dad…” Dan whispered to himself, not realizing that the little girl had gone up to him.

“Big boy, I have seen you run back and forth from that cave. Please tell me where are your parents? Mine would never let me stay in a cave!” The girl said giggling at her last remark, she looked to be about 8 or 9. Dan couldn’t tell. All he knew was that some one was talking to him, it was nerve racking because he had never talked to any one but Officer Jenny since his parents died.
The girl had asked about his parents. This brought a tear to his face, Dan ran back to the cave with the intent of moving his location. Pooch growled at the girl then ran after Dan. The girl was confused. All she had done was ask him a question.

“We have to move Pooch! And we have to do it now.” Dan said packing every thing he had left into a cloth bad he had stolen a few months earlier. The only thing he had left were some old clothes and a picture of his Mom and Dad he found in the ruble of his old house. The picture was old an ripped but it held the memory of when he was happy.

“Come on Pooch, we can find some where else deeper in… I hope.” Dan whispered the last part to himself.
Pooch barked as Dan went further in.

“What is it Pooch?” Dan said turning his back to the forest so he could see Pooch. A rustle came from behind Dan. A deep growl was heard soon after that.

“Wha?” Dan wasn’t able to finish what he was saying before another Mightyena jumped on Dan, its weight kept him from getting up. The Mightyena bared its fangs, a paw on Dan’s neck. It was as if it had killed before and knew just what to do.

“Pooch, help me!” Dan screamed trying not to look at the Mightyena that loomed over his body. The Mightyena growled at Pooch, as if it wanted Pooch to help.
It scratched Dan’s face, blood ran down his cheek slowly. Dan could see that Pooch was considering helping the other Mightyena. Pooch could then have some food, the flesh of Dan would keep him satisfied. Pooch finally lunged at the other Mightyena, getting it off Dan’s chest.
Pooch and the other Mightyena lay on the ground fighting back and forth. In the end Pooch won, but he was covered in blood and had many wounds. Bite marks were all over his legs. A patch of fur on his back left leg was torn off. A horrific battle it was. Dan had suffered many wounds.

“Thank you Pooch, I’m glad you’re still on my side.” Dan said grateful Pooch hadn’t helped the Mightyena kill him. But still Dan didn’t smile, he hadn’t smiled since the day his parents died. Deciding going further in was a bad idea, Dan went back to his cave.
Dan and Pooch still needed to steal some food, to eat. Hoping that the little girl was gone; Dan headed for the restaurant in town.

“Good, that girl is gone.” Dan bitterly muttered, under his breath. Goldenrod was fairly empty because it was around the time of day people were at work or at the Pokemon School. The other trainers’ that were there though starred at Dan’s appearance. No one was used to seeing such a broken, dirty boy. Blood was still on his face, arms and legs, this startled most people because seeing dried or drying blood on a boy, especially, was startling. If you saw him walking down the street you would be shocked to.
At last he reached the restaurant. There weren’t many people in there, but just enough to make it hard for Dan to get food.

“Oh great, this wont be easy Pooch.” Dan muttered, he knew Pooch had heard him because Pooch was getting ready to burst in and distract every one.

“That’s right Pooch, ready set GO! Dan said giving Pooch the signal. Pooch ran through the door, snarling and growling. Many people screamed, that was unusual for most of the time they just left. But the site that Pooch was covered in blood must have been frightening to them.

“AHHH!! He’s a killer now!” One man screamed running out as fast as possible. Other people did the same. One cook ran out of the place screaming even.

“Good Pooch.” Dan muttered under his breath while he sneaked in to the back.

“Tough luck kid!” A man in a officers outfit said. Dan stopped, where was Officer Jenny, and who was this man blocking his way? These and many other questions rushed through his head. But one thing in his mind played over and over again, GET OUT OF THERE FAST!
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Hope you enjoy!

The Great Butler
26th June 2006, 2:17 AM
I like it. It's not often you see this kind of character in the way you're presenting him, so I like it. Bonus points for using Mightyena.

You're doing well, so keep going! :)

~*Nobody*~
26th June 2006, 2:44 AM
Why thank you! I'm at my granma's so I won't be writing more until tomorrow. That means that I probably wont be done until... maybe... wednesday my time. Considering summer Vacay (Summer Vacation) is coming up so soon chapter will come up faster but for now I'm still in school. And now back to a chapter wise note:
At least in each chapter second Dan might have a slight flash back of before the fire. Like more about his mom and dad. But not in ever single chapter just in most of them.

Yami Ryu
26th June 2006, 3:42 AM
Ug can you please either use spaces correctly between scentences and paragraphs, or build the paragraphs correctly and not stack scentences? Seriously it's not that hard, you just double press the enter button for a space :/


“Seven years of living on the street. No one even knows I exist!” Dan complained bitterly, looking at Pooch, who had become a Mightyena.

He has a Mightyena that's loyal to him. It had to get that way some how. What, did he not understand the concept of battling? Fine he was a small and frightened boy when he was younger, but he should be wise enough now that battling could equal money for him.

Didn't notice this before but:


“Look, their kid!” One of his neighbors pointed out. Dan was too shocked to react.

No one noticed him though, they were to busy thinking that he and his parents were dead. The one person that had pointed him out soon thought he was seeing things because Dan soon hid himself behind a bush.

Ok then how did one of the neighbors point him out and no one notice him? Did the Nieghbor have five second memory problems or something?


Dan couldn’t tell. All he knew was that some one was talking to him, it was nerve racking because he had never talked to any one but Officer Jenny since his parents died.

Alright so why did the Officer Jenny let him go, when he was a kid on his own. How could no one have noticed him, when the Jenny had. It just, you condridict yourself so many times.


It scratched Dan’s face, blood ran down his cheek slowly. Dan could see that Pooch was considering helping the other Mightyena. Pooch could then have some food, the flesh of Dan would keep him satisfied. Pooch finally lunged at the other Mightyena, getting it off Dan’s chest.

Pooch isn't so loyal is he. Sad considering, he should consider Dan his alpha, and be loyal to Dan. I mean if wolves can be loyal to people, and dogs, and loyal enough to fight to the death with bears, the pokemon equivalents should be the same, ne?

The ending is .. anti climatic. Why would Dan want people to think Pooch is a killer? Killer animals are usually captured and put down, meaning he just about celebrated the fact is loyal buddy can be taken away from him...

Overall I still doubt you actually have rewritten this. There are MAJOR spelling erorrs of things you should easily be able to get yourself. SITE is not what you use when you spot something. It's sight and I used MS Word a few times and it offers SEVERAL spelling choices for you :/ so it's not the programs fault. It's your own.


Eh, I don't feel this is a rewrite, but already said that before. The characters feel well flat still :/ and the situation a bit far fetched, or unreal. Maybe both. LSGoP, take your time with the next chapter and try to correct the mistakes I pointed out. :/

~*Nobody*~
26th June 2006, 4:00 AM
(Still not having fit) Dan doesn't want people to think that Pooch is a killer. If you really payed attention to the fight sene Pooch was covered in blood, had bite marks and patch of fur was ripped of his leg. That scared a lot of people in the restaurant making them think that he killed someone or something. Pooch and Dan often storm into that restaurant to get food, Pooch scares them off.

The person who noticed Dan thought they were seeing shings because Pooch pulled him behind a bush. Other people had such a short attention span that they didn't really notice with the fire and all.

Dan battles he just doesn't like it. Why? It's because of:
1. He is depressed
2. He hates talking to other people

Officer Jenny often gives up on Dan because he never tells him who he is or why he is stealing. You'll see how easy she goes on him in the next chapter.

Pooch is loyal in that sene he had a choice between eating and his best friend. And the Mightena pack comes up again later. Anyway if Pooch chose to help kill Dan the other Mightyena would let him join his Pack. But in the end Pooch did defend Dan instead of joining the other Pack.

Wow that was a lot off typing. At least I've got three happy reviewers.

Yami Ryu
26th June 2006, 5:22 AM
... I would think Officer Jenny would throw him in jail for stealing, terrorising the people in the restruant and etc. And i knew Pooch was bloody because of the battle, but with the people screaming 'omg killer Mightyena', you'd think that Dan would be a bit concerned incase 'pokemon controll' ever came around. Or Officer Jenny took Pooch from him.

Like they do irl with 'killer' animals.


Pooch and Dan often storm into that restaurant to get food, Pooch scares them off.

And man those people must be stupid to not hire someone with a fighting type pokemon :/

Treeckoman7
28th June 2006, 7:24 PM
Excellent as usual! I thought the part where the Mightyena attacks Pooch was awfully sad. It almost made me cry and at school I'm a jock on the football team! ;252; I really am looking foward to seeing this story get good ratings, because I absolutely love it.

~*Nobody*~
29th June 2006, 3:09 AM
WOA 5 stars? That seems a little far fetched but I'm still working on chapter three to tell the truth. So ya don't know when I'll finish but I'll try to get one once a week or so.

Demy
30th June 2006, 10:46 AM
Wow this si a great fic it has character. I like it very muck.

Demy