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Ladyumbra
25th June 2006, 11:43 PM
Title: The culled
Note: Despite the tone of the prologue this is fic is not always dark in nature though it does have it's moments

prologue

The night was quiet as Divisi padded softly along the worn dirt path on forest floor. The male Absol knew it was his doing that no other creature stirred during this time because he was there to execute his mission. Giving a soft satisfied growl, he continued down the way that lead to the village , to his target. The moon peeked out from behind the cloud littered sky, illuminating the way for him as if giving him permission to tread upon the land.

Not that Divisi required anyone else’s permission to do anything - the rogue Absol had a reputation for doing things his own way. Of course, his way tended to end in death so he wasn't surprised that those who guarded this particular area had kept him away from it for they didn’t desire the destruction that he provided. Inexorably, however, his travels had taken him here and after a brief show of force, the guardians had backed down and given him leave to do as he willed so long as no children were harmed.

Divisi had accepted those terms - after all, the children were not at fault here - they were but victims of a cruel fate. Those children were born of unions between masquerading Ditto and humans; born cursed with a trait that no man or Pokemon would want to have. This unkind trait granted them erractic DNA that could cause attributes or traits of Pokemon that they came in contact with to become part of them, imparting upon them the dash of most children’s greatest desires – to become a legendary Pokemon Master. Belonging to nor man or Pokemon, Divisi would not harm them and he would not allow them to be caged creatures any longer.

Too long had the adults kept the children locked away from the world and from Pokemon for fear of them becoming abominations of the supposedly pure and benevolent world; too long had they been denied the rights all young ones should have – the right to aspire, to accomplish, to admire others. It was a parent’s place to protect a child, not imprison them. Yes, they were terrible accidents and creatures that should never have been born but it had been happening for hundreds of years and would continue to do so, regardless of human intervention. Divisi had decided that no longer should families be uprooted and forced to move to secluded locations in fear of becoming outcasts in the face of the truth about them.

This village that Divisi was heading towards was not the only one of its kind, but the others were smaller and better hidden so for now Divisi would deal with this one. Reaching the outskirts of the forest he paused and eyed the defenses surrounding the community. There was a high wooden wall that surrounded the village, or so he had been told. That wooden wall also contained four guard towers with armed sentries and no way in or out except via a currently closed door that was built into the wall. All in all, the defenses were strong and even Divisi would be hard pressed to get past them unscathed.

There was the possibility of working from outside the village, but Divisi hated such cowardly ways – he preferred doing a job by himself if he could. He took a step forward only to see an obviously lost and confused Zubat picked off in the blink of an eye, making his grim mood even worse. As he watched the dead body fall to the ground, he considered his rather limited options. He could charge and attack the nearest sentry and climb the wall. This was the most dangerous way in as he was unsure of how far the other sentries could shoot from their respective towers. He could use Shadow Ball on the door and blow it in - this would create confusion and panic allowing him to move into the village undetected. However, once the dust settled he'd be an easy target for the guards. His final option was to attack from where he stood, the most advantageous as it would create an air of confusion and cover for him to advance.

Deciding that the final was the wisest course of action, Divisi cleared his mind and took a deep breath. As he released it a haunting, mournful wail filled the air. Perish Song was a skill Absol were well known for, however the fact that Perish Song could indeed kill (if that was the intent of the user) was not a well known fact. Crimson eyes glowed and observed in the inky black darkness as the deadly melody echoed.

It took great effort from Divisi to kill this way; to kill only those considered adults – there had to be an exact tone and quality to it in order to target a certain group. He knew that the villagers been smart enough to open the door and send people to hunt him down after the sentries fell – they knew that no man could make that kind of song; in fact they knew only an undomesticated and skilled Absol could – which would mean him, Divisi. In order to maintain this Perish Song's particular traits, however, he couldn't afford to be off key by moving, and he would have had to silence himself if he were to move so he stayed, taking in another deep breath before beginning another chorus of misery…


Twenty minutes later, Divisi trotted back and forth about the still shut door, the moonlight’s shimmering beams revealing ruffled layers of white fur. With his keen ears he could hear children milling about, crying and questioning each other within the walls but he moved about still, knowing they would look outside. Suddenly, a small portion of the door creaked open and a pair of soft brown eyes peered through, taking in the sight of the now still Absol. "It's a Pokemon of some sort; I'm not sure what it is. In fact, I've never seen it before – but its beautiful, with white fur, red eyes and a black horn," the owner of the eyes whispered to the children behind it.

Divisi turned his head the child’s way and locked his eyes into the other peering pair. They stared at each other for a moment before Divisi turned and walked away - his mission was over; the adults were dead and the connection was made. That unwitting child would change and lead the others out into the world, where no one knew what was in store for them.

Ladyumbra
28th June 2006, 5:17 PM
Alrighty chapter 1 should be up in the next couple of days. Thoughts on the prologue are always welcome. Also character art will frequently be shown here becuase well it amuses me and I think helps the story.Also anyone wishing to is free to leave a guest character profile along witha review.

The Smore
28th June 2006, 6:46 PM
Grammar needs to be worked on a LOT. The sentences are either blocky or far too long.

"It took great effort from Divisi to kill this way, to kill only those considered adults and he knew that had the villagers been smart enough to open the door and send people to hunt him down after the sentry fell they might have survived since in order to maintian this perish songs particular traits he couldn't afford to be off key by moving and he would have had to silence himself.."

TOO LONG ! I would do this :

It took great effort from Divisi to kill this way, to kill only those considered adults. He knew that had the villagers been smart enough to open the door and send people to hunt him down after the sentry fell, they might have survived. In order to maintian this perish song's particular traits he couldn't afford to be off key by moving, and he would have had to silence himself..

And too blocky :

"Not that Divisi required anyone elses permission to do anything. The rogue Absol had a reputation for doing things his own way."

Should be:

"Not that Divisi required anyone elses permission to do anything, and/because rogue Absol had a reputation for doing things his own way."

It seem's to be quite original, but work on grammar

Breezy
29th June 2006, 5:40 AM
!!

Ladyumbra! *poke, prod, kick, glomp* Where have you been?! >=O

Yeah. =3 Anyways...

The Smore not a smore, but THE smore) is right on the first sentence he quoted. It is much too lengthy. I had to re-read that line several times to understand what you were getting. Then reading it out loud was quite... difficult too.

Though I disagree with him on the second part he quoted. I think hooking those clauses together sounds plain awkward in my opinion. At least it sounds better as different sentences. But eh.

So the Perish Song.... it killed the adults yet the children remain unharmed? And are the adults the parents of the children or just adults? Even so, wouldn't the children feel connected to the adult through the bond only a parent and child can muster? So wouldn't he want to stay with the adult or what? They're still kids and they still need protection.

I've got more questions too. But I'm sure they'll be answered in a couple of chapters anyways.

I like it so far. ^_^

LaTeR dAyZ!

The Smore
29th June 2006, 1:57 PM
Yeh I know it was the best I could come up with quickly though =3. I'm still new to writing. But I also agree with Breezy. it needs to be explained better with the Perish Song and all.

~TS~

deadlyrose
29th June 2006, 6:22 PM
it is really good, other than a few gramme mistakes, it is lovely, the descriptions are a bit lacking but je adore ca. i love it!

Ladyumbra
30th June 2006, 12:48 AM
All right thanks for the reviews so far. chapter 1 is coming along nicely.
1. My grammar is apparently no better than last year so I'll be looking for a beta if chapter one appears to have the same problems the prologue did.

2. *smothers the Breezy* longtime no see and I've been highly distracted by gaiaonline, but after many failed attempts to get A Pokemon? Master rewritten I decided to heck with it I'd work on this instead. Took me a year but Im back. May I bounce idea's off you from time to time?

Yes the perish song killed only the adults and the children are all suffciently traumatised by this. Explanations as to how/why they leave the village are coming in the next chapter.

3.description shall get better next chapter just let me know if I over do it , my writings a bit rusty.

Ladyumbra
8th September 2006, 6:51 PM
well I've edited the prologue so hopefully it looks somewhat better than before. Inspiration left me but is returning so you should see some sort of update soon.

Kiyohime
9th September 2006, 6:21 AM
;_; Gaiaonline ate your soul. *hug* Good to see you again. And this time, STICK AROUND. And I still can't believe you can write two, three fics at the same time. No fair. ._.

Very interesting concept you have too, with the Ditto-hybrid children.

Ladyumbra
9th September 2006, 6:42 AM
Gaia owns my soul it really does, but I'm here to stay I promise. For now i'm sticking to just two fics at a time and only two that will cross over a lot since they run in the same timeline and tell part of the same story. though each is still highly seperate in it's own right.

I try to be original but you so have me beat. I hope I can keep your interest as this progesses.

ClowSui
9th September 2006, 6:22 PM
...i suppose i'm gonna be working overtime, ne? the culled and a pokemon? master....i enjoy the job so yay for me! that is, if you want me to be a beta xD

Ladyumbra
9th September 2006, 7:15 PM
You are my beta of greatness ^-^.

The first chapter is at the beta's so it shouldn't be too long before it's up. Said chapter mentions someone named Arrow. Here's a picture of Arrow.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v290/ladyumbra/thing.png