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kitsune_boy389
26th June 2006, 8:10 PM
Well here's my first try at a Fan-Fic. I hope you like it.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1 - As If By Fate ----- Continue down the page



CHAPTER 1 – AS IF BY FATE

Koji couldn’t believe his eyes. It had jumped out of the waves and then went straight back under.

Koji was young; ten years old to be exact, but he had always been afraid of Pokémon; apart from his own Vulpix, until now. He pulled off his backpack; his parents had told him to carry around some pokéballs, in case a Pokémon attacked him. He rummaged around inside it, trying to find it.

He pulled out his father’s old Pokédex and held it in front of the Pokémon he was staring at. A male, computerised voice suddenly began to come from the small device. “Lugia: the diving Pokémon. This legendary Pokémon spends it’s time at the bottom of the sea because it’s powers are too great.”

“I knew it,” Koji though, tip-toeing up towards the small baby Lugia, which was frolicking in the waves. He pushed the small button at the front of the pokéball, the ball doubling in size. “Go, Vulpix,” he whispered, throwing the ball into the air. The ball opened up, sending out white light which shot it’s way down, hitting the ground and fading away, revealing a small Vulpix.

The baby Lugia leaped out of the water landing on the ground in front of him. “Go, Vulpix,” Koji yelled. “Use your Ember!!” Vulpix fired small balls of fire at Lugia. It tried to move out of the way, but was not fast enough. The flames hit Lugia in different places all over the body.

Lugia flew into the air, levitating a few feet from the ground. It flapped wildly, sending a gust of wind at Vulpix. “Dodge it, Vulpix!” Koji commanded. He really wanted to catch this Lugia now. Vulpix got hit head on, and was thrown back, landing in a bush.

Lugia began to move towards where Vulpix was. “Vulpix! Quick attack!” Vulpix leaped out of the bushes at lightning speed, tackling Lugia and pinning it to the ground.

“Will-o-Wisp, Vulpix,” Vulpix opened it’s mouth wide and began charging up a purple-blue flame. Vulpix fired it at Lugia, hitting it in the face, badly burning it. Lugia cried out again, still pinned to the ground.

“Ember! One last time, Vulpix,” It opened it’s mouth again and fired many balls of fire at Lugia. Lugia cried again, but then fainted. “Now’s my chance,” he cried, throwing the empty pokéball at Lugia. It hit the Pokémon on the left wing, turning Lugia’s body into red light that entered the pokéball. The ball fell to the ground and began shaking violently.

Come on; come on, Koji thought, desperately hoping to catch the Lugia. A ding was sounded, signalling a capture of the Pokémon.

“Yes!” he yelled, returning Vulpix to it’s pokéball as he ran over to pick up his new addition to his party.

Yami Ryu
26th June 2006, 8:25 PM
Ohmaigawd

You have no idea how to write a fic without making the character a gary stu? Koji is afraid of pokemon, untill suddenly he gets a vulpix! You go from having a good character quirk to dismissing it in what, one/two scentences.

Then you have a 10 year old spot a baby legendary.

You have the ten year old defeat and capture the baby legendary in one chapter which is short and flat at best. WHERE IS THE MOTHER LUGIA? HMM? Seriously if her baby is so pathetic one low level vulpix can defeat it with ember, will o wisp and quick attack, I would expect big bad mama ready to EAT whatever dare harm her baby.

:/ god this is just... go read the damn Advice for Aspiring Authors thread, put more effort into a real plot, or atleast making it realistic, and the same for your characters.

God.