View Full Version : Pokemon: Reality Collision

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 2:18 AM
PG-13 on the safe side
By the way, words such as Gotta and Gonna in a sentence, it been used the way the characters say it, not the way I wrote it (But only when the character speaking that happens).
Pokemon: Reality Collision

“Aggron! Metal Claw!” a voice boomed to a large dinosaur creature like Pokemon. The Pokemon was taller then an average human and stood on two feet, covered in mental from the head to the tail, the front part was bare with grey flesh. Two blue eyes gleamed from the metal as the monster roared, it’s left claw glow as Aggron charged at a small round pink creature with huge green eyes, known as a Jigglypuff.

‘Go Aggron” a voice cheers, a boy around the age of seventeen stood in front of a television showing the Pokemon fight. The boy had brown short hair with light brown eyes and tanned skin. He was known as Charles, the second.

“Charles! Hurry up or you are going to be late!” a female voice called from downstairs. Charles groaned as he realized it was time to go to school.

‘Great, and Aggron was about to beat the pants of Jigglypuff!” he moaned, Charles was skinny for his age, with glasses to accompany it. He got the remote off his single bed and turned the TV off.
Charles stared at some Pokemon figurines on his desk. As he picked his bag off from the floor, he gazed down at them.

“Aleast if I was in the Pokemon World, I would already be training and not going to school” he mumbled himself. He didn’t like the school, only one other person liked Pokemon and was best friends with Charles, and they both were nerds or geeks of the school.

Charles opened the door and jogged downstairs to a darkish blonde hair woman who couldn’t be more then thirty-five years old. Everyone had always said his mother was real pretty, or hot like his best friends Ritchie said. His mother had fair skin and dark blue eyes that seems so comforting.

“Are you ready for school?” His mum asked, Charles nodded his head.

“Well that’s good then, have a good day okay,” she said in her soft voice. Charles hugged his mum and left the house and got on a red coloured bike and went to school.

Meanwhile, in Charles’s room, a figurine that was a Pokemon called Torchic started rocking around gently. The very small figurine was a small chick like Pokemon with black beady eyes and orange body, the wings and crest were yellow. The figurine fell off the desk and onto the yellow carpet. A minute later, a life-sized Torchic was standing.

‘Torchic!” she replied with a chirp.

Charles parked his bike into the bike rack and chained it up, on the handle was a Jigglypuff plushie that Charles chained on so it wouldn’t fall. The bike rack was outside of the school.

“Now stay here until I come back,” Charles told the Jigglypuff.

“Hey man, are you talking yourself again?” a red head freckled boy called out. Charles looked up to see his best friend Ritchie called out as he walked towards them. Ritchie had tanned skin and blue eyes but was a few pounds more then Charles, but they both still couldn’t find a girl.

“No, did you see the rest of Pokemon?” Charles asked.

‘No man, I had to tape it because there was a Chess club meeting” Ritchie told him. The two walked into the big building known as “West Field High School”. Charles walked a few feet when he saw the girl he had the hots for. Her name was Kirstie Davis, she was taller then both him and Ritchie with pale freckled skin, dark short red hair and sparkling green eyes. Kirstie was one of the popular girls in the school, and never noticed Charles, he tried talking to her, but every time he does, a friend seems to drag her away.

‘What you doing? Checking out girls now?” a female voice jolted him as she put a hand on his shoulder. Charles turn to find Lane Parks, his other best friend who just got to school, Lane was also into Pokemon as well, although mainly because there were hot guys in Pokemon.
Lane was your average pretty teenager with long black hair, brown eyes, sort of pale skin, and glasses. Lane was a bit taller then Charles but not taller then Ritchie, Charles was 158cm. Lane is a straight A student and top of the class.

“I just seeing Kirstie that’s all” Charles said trying to not show that he jumped.

“You seriously have the hots for her, you should ask her out man” Ritchie suggested.

‘No can do Ritchie, I heard that boy over there is dating her” Lane told them, pointing in Kirstie’s direction. Charles looked over to see a tall guy with spiked black hair kissing her. Charles’s face fell, but what did he expect? Kirstie would never go for someone like him; she probably thought he was a baby.

“Sorry man, but there are plenty of fishes in the sea” Ritchie comforted.

‘Yeah, but none like her” Charlies said walking to his locker, which happened to be across from Kirstie, the two best friends followed him. As Charles neared, Kirstie’s boyfriend put out his foot and tripped Charles. Everyone in the hall laughed.

“Watch where you are going, geek!” Kirstie’s boyfriend laughed. Charles, embarrassed got up and opened his locker, trying to not look at anyone.

“Why do you have to be such a moron Drake!” Lane glared at him. Drake took no noticed of her and kissed Kirstie, Lane looked away and went over to Charles.

‘Hey man, don’t let him put you down, he’s just been a jerk” Ritchie told him. Charles just stared at a picture of a yellow mouse like creature known as Pikachu in his locker.

“Hey, Drake an jerk anyway, I heard some girls in the bathroom saying he wasn’t going to last with Kirstie the way he keeps treating her, no matter how big his muscles may be” Lane comforted him, she turned and glared at Drake again who took no notice, the two walked away with a bunch of other guys and girls following them.

“Does he turn you on?” Ritchie joked with Lane; she gave him a playful slap.

‘Hello, I am a Bisexual!” Lane exclaimed, she liked both genders but muscles never turned her on really, Lane always thought this type was always just looking for sex. Lane turned back to Charles.

‘Hey, it’s like fifteen minutes before we have a class, why don’t we pretend to a Pokemon battle? I got figurines” Lane asked Charles. Charles thought for a second and then turned to his female best friend.

‘Okay!” Charles agreed.

The three now stood in a grassy area of the school, Lane and Charles stood on different ends, Ritchie stood on the side, the two battlers held a fake pokeball with a figurine inside it.

‘Okay, this is a one on one battle between Lane Parks and Charles Heavenison, let the battle begin!” Ritchie shouted.

“Okay, Ralts, I choose you!” Lane called out, she threw her pokeball on the ground, as expected it broke in two and the figurine was now on the floor.

“Pikachu! It’s time to turn what you are made of!” Charles yelled getting into the game; he threw the pokeball as well.

‘Okay Thunderbolt!” Charles yelled, he could picture the yellow red cheeks mouse jumping into the air and throwing electricity from it’s body onto the small white child like Pokemon with green hair and a red hair sticking out.

‘Oh no you don’t! Ralts! Use Teleport and then Confusion” Lane commanded. She pictured the white child Pokemon disappeared as the lightening stuck, and then reappearing behind Pikachu, it’s eyes hidden beneath the hair, glow a blue colour and picked Pikachu from the air.

“Pikachu!” Charlies pretended as he could picture the pokemon been lifted in the air and then thrown onto the floor.

“Are you okay buddy?” Charles asked his mate. He could picture the Pokemon standing up, with determination in his brown eyes, ready to strike down the Ralts.

‘Okay, Ralts lets show Pikachu what we girls are made of, Psychic now!” lane commanded. Before Pikachu could dodge, he was once again lifted in the air and then dropped on the ground again.

‘Okay Pikachu, use Thunder!” Charles commanded, Lane had always seemed to beat Charles and Ritchie out of everything, Pokemon Cards, Pokemon games, no matter what she always seems to win.

The overgrown chicken that had come to life in Charles’s room was chirping away trying to find a way out.
The mother, Katie Heavenison was home alone, the father was always out and Charles was at school, so she became a bit worried when she heard a chirping sound.

‘Hello?” Katie called out from her living room. She heard more chirping, like a bird, but it sounded like it was saying Torchic. Katie went to the end of the stairs and looked up.

“Hello?” Katie called out again, not knowing what it was, upstairs in stored for her. Katie started up the stairs and approached her son’s room, but not before seeing the other room that belonged to the sister of the house. Katie stared at the name on the door, Tierra it read. Her sixteen year old daughter who was raped a year from now, and then went missing six months before had left a hole in the mother’s heart, and her husband, Chris had worked all day and almost night to keep the distraction away.

Katie put her hand on the door that hadn’t been opened six months ago. Tierra was the most beautiful girl; she had a slim body and tanned skin with her mother’s eyes and long red hair.

“Torchic, Torchic!” the sound came again from her son’s room. Katie turned to the sound and walked towards the door.

‘Hello?” Katie called out, the sound was heard again, Katie put a hand on the doorknob and opened it.
Katie stared to only see Pokemon posters, toys and figurines in Charles room, she really didn’t mind what Charles liked, after all, and he had to have a hobby. Katie felt something on her foot as she looked down to see a small bird on her foot.

“Hello little fellow, how did you get here?” Katie asked, it looked like a small chicken but it was the wrong colour. The chicken walked a few feet outside and then let out fire some its mouth. Katie’s eyes widened and screamed.

“Pikachu!” Charles yelled out as he pictured Lane’s Ralts taking Pikachu out with a final Confusion attack. Lane smiled as Ritchie declared her the winner.

‘Sorry Charles, but you really gotta choose a Pokemon besides Pikachu” Lane nodded.

“Well, I can’t help it that I like it” Charles grinned; the two picked up the figurines and put it in their bags. Charles had a Pokemon bag with a Pikachu, Totodile and Charmander on the back. Lane just had an ordinary blue and white bag.

‘Well, that the match of the century” Ritchie exclaimed.

“Please Ritchie, you say that every time, there are some matches that don’t rock that much” Lane corrected him; a bunch of guys and two girls approached them.

“Oh look, it’s the Pokefreaks” one boy with a Mohawk exclaimed.

“Oh look, it’s the I think I am cool freaks” Lane retorted back, the leader, Dustin glared at her.

‘Watch your pretty mouth girl” Dustin threatened.

‘You flirting with me?" Think Saria would like that?” Lane challenged him; she looked at a blonde girl who sneered at her.

“Don’t get your hopes from, you will never be good as us” Saria sneered. Lane laughed.

“Yeah because I want to be an anorexia model who dates guys with big muscles” Lane chuckled. The others laughed, Dustin gave them a glare.

‘Aleast we aren’t a nerd” Saria said rudely.

“Aleast I am not a ****” Lane commented. Saria glared at her.

‘Come on Babe, lets leave these pokefreaks to bathe in their own filth” Saria snarled, the group left, but not before Lane took the last word.

“Yes, Aleast I bathe and known how to not look like some plastic girl with a nose job” Lane called out, the group kept going but Lane knew Saria was ****** as hell.

“Man, you just insulted the hottest girl in the school” Ritchie commented, lane gave him a look.
‘I thought Kirstie was the hottest and popular girl in the school/” lane asked.

“I mean, second hottest” Ritchie blushed. The two looked at Charles who stared after Kirstie, who walked to the bike rack with Drake.

“She is my kinda of girl,” Charles whispered.

‘Come on Romeo, the bell gonna go” Lane smiled taking the two guys in each arms and walking into the building.

“I dunno Drake, I am not sure if I want to go to the second base just yet” Kirstie protested as they entered the bike rack.

“Come on Babe, this isn’t the 19th century” Drake pursued her, Kirstie smiled.

‘I guess” Kirstie said, Drake started to make out with her, unknowing that on Charles’s bike was the Jigglypuff, it started to grow bigger, the chains snapped off as the balloon like Pokemon became life size.

‘Jigglypuff” Jigglypuff replied to itself happily. The pink pokemon turned away and saw the two couple making out. Jigglypuff jumped on the bikes to them. Kirstie could Drake necking her, but she saw the pink round thing coming towards them.

‘Drake” Kirstie said scared.

‘What babe?” Drake, the pink Pokemon jumped onto Drake as Kirstie screamed.

Okay, I know it’s short, but I make chapter 2 longer, I thought to introduce the characters and their lives first, now that Pokemon is alive, we can focus on the plot. So please review, and be honest too, don’t be afraid to tell me what you think. Hopefully I should have chapter 2 up today, but it may take a while.

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 5:58 AM
Pokemon: Reality Collision
Chapter 2:
Katie had run into her own room and shut the door when the thing had spewed fire out of its mouth.
She huddled herself on the queen sized bed and stared at the window, hoping that it was her imagination, because Katie was known as a great mum for no reason, she knew very well what that creature was. She had played Pokemon with her son when he wanted someone to play with and Lane and Ritchie couldn’t make it. Sometimes they did and they made a team, Ritchie and Charles verus her and Lane.

“Torchic!” she could hear the chicken chirp, the small bird sounded like it was right outside her door, and she knew the attacks of a Torchic include Flamethrower. She ran over to the window and opened it up; she stared down and estimated how far she would fall.

‘Torchic!” the creature said happily again, Katie climbed out of the window, a small ledge was under it, Katie put her feet on it and looked down.

“Oh, this is going to hurt” Katie whispered to herself, she was scared out of her wits, either go back in and be a toasted marshmallow or be a flat road on the road. Katie decided to jump, the tow story house wasn’t that tall compared to the house across the street, or the mansion two Neighbourhoods away. Katie jumped off and found herself landing on her two feet.

‘Ouch!” Katie said to herself when she landed, her legs had hurt a bit when she did it. Katie ran down the road to her best friend’s house, they had been best friends since they were little, and she was also the mother of Lane Parks.
Lane had a huge family going from siblings to relatives and grandparents, but none of them were home. Katie stumbled onto the yard and slammed on her fist on the brown door, she hit the side because in the middle was a glass window with a picture of a rose. A minute later a woman with short born hair, brown eyes and fair skin opened the door.

‘Katie, what’s wrong?” Susie masked immediately, Katie didn’t answer so Susie helped her into the kitchen and gave her a glass of water.

‘You won’t believe me if I tell you” Katie said after she drunk the water.

‘Try me, I been your best friend for years” Susie told her. Katie hesitated and then opened her mouth.

“You know the Pokemon that Lane and Charles likes, and Ritchie, well I saw a Torchic, alive and walking around Charles’s room” Katie told her, Susie sat down on the other side of the small bench they were at.

‘Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t Torchic the red chicken that given to Trainers as a starter Pokemon? That the character May of Pokemon has?” Susie asked, Katie nodded her head.

‘Are you sure?” Susie asked, she knew that Charles was more obsessed then Lane, Lane only liked the character Ash and any only guys who were hot, but she liked the Pokemon in general as well.

‘Definitely, chicken and orange and all, and fire” Katie replied, Susie didn’t go on as she realized another presence was in the room. The two looked over to the archway without a door that led to the bedrooms and saw a long blue and white snake like create with a blue ball under it’s mouth and a white horn, the Pokemon known as Dragonair, and Lane’s favourite, was staring at them. Katie gulped

“Yeah, I am sure” Katie said.

The bell had rung, signalling that class was over. Charles and Lane got up to leave, Lane looked over to Kirstie who had come in late with her hair messed up,

‘You know, Kirstie doesn’t seem to be much in shape, like something happened” Lane told Charles as she watched her hurried out of the class.

“I don’t know, come on, Ritchie probably waiting” Charles replied, he was worried about her too, but wasn’t sure, unknown to the two teens, the figurines in their back slowly started to grow.
They reached a rea under a tree where Ritchie was waiting.

“Well, it’s about time, lets eat and play Pokemon Cards” Ritchie exclaimed, he held a cinnamon bun in his right hand, Pokemon cards were laid out in front of him, the two teens sat and put their bags aside, in Lane’s bag, Ralts had come to life and was struggling, finally it unzipped the bag and crept away. Lane watched Kirstie as she stood in the middle of a crowd, Drake had vanished off to who gods nowhere.

“There’s something up with Kirstie, she seems scared of something” Lane said, showing concern for her fellow peer, and Charles’s love interest.
Charles and Ritchie looked over to her.
“Meh, she popular, why would she be scared” Ritchie shrugged it off, Charles continued to stare at her, she did seem frazzled, like something happened. Charles eyes widened, as Kirstie looked this way, she said something to one of her friends and walked towards them, Charles looked down at the Pokemon cards, pretending he wasn’t watching her.

‘Hey man, she coming over, this might be your big chance” Ritchie encouraged him, but Charles didn’t feel convinced.

‘Charles Heavenison, if you do not stand up and look at that girl in the eyes, I am gonna still your holographic Deoxy and Mew card and not give it back until you talk to you” Lane threatened, Charles smiled at her, she was always a good friend, really encouraging people, even if it means threatening to take something away. Charles stood up with Lane, although Ritchie still sat eating the cream bun. Kirstie stopped in front of them. Lane combed a bit of Charles’s hair to make sure he looked decent in front of Kirstie.

‘Uh hi, um I know we haven’t spoken before, but I heard that you were a expert on Pokeyman, or it’s Pokemon?” Kirstie asked.

‘Pokemon” Lane corrected her. Kirstie nodded her head, like in agreement and stared at them.

“Um, is there a Pokemon with big green eyes and looks like balloon with a pink curl?” Kirstie asked, afraid of the answer. Charles was still speechless, on the count of the hottest girl was talking to him. Lane covered for him.

‘Yeah, it’s known as a Jigglypuff” Lane answered.

“If you want to join the club then pick a Pokemon card” Ritchie added, Kirstie looked disgusted when Ritchie spoke with his mouth full, Lane looked away too.

‘Ritchie, swallow before talking” Lane replied. Ritchie made a face.

“Well, I saw one, in real life and it attacked me and my boyfriend” Kirstie revealed, Lane looked at her like an idiot,

“Um, Pokemon isn’t real” Lane told her. But Kirstie was watching Charles’s bag move until a Pikachu popped out.

“Is that a” Ritchie trailed off, he dropped his bun.

‘A Pikachu” Charles finished off. The Pikachu came over to Lane and sniffed her shoes, lane was too shocked to move, and Kirstie took a few steps back in fear. Pikachu sniffed the grass and saw the dropped bun, Pikachu squealed in delight and ran to munch on the bun, and Ritchie jumped up and went behind Kirstie, putting some cream on her shoulder. Kirstie had barely noticed it thought.

“Tell me I am seeing things” Lane asked,

‘Somebody help! A girl screamed, the four looked behind and saw girls running away from a big balloon creature. The guys were trying to swat it but it puffed itself up when it angry. A white child creature, Ralts used Confusion on a few people and sends them a few feet; they immediately got up and ran.

‘We got to get out of here” Kirstie said worriedly. Lane ran to her bag and rummaged to it, until she found a real life pokeball, she found one in Charles’s bag as well and gave it to him.

“What are you going to do with that!” Kirstie stammered. Charles stared at her, there must be more then meets the eye he thought, did Kirstie even like been popular? Charles remember watching Buffy, the vampire Slayer with Lane and in an episode, a popular girl named Cordelia Chase didn’t like been that popular all the time.

“I am gonna see if they are real or not, or if this is just some sick prank, now if they are robots, the Pokemon won’t return to this pokeball, but if they are real, they will” Lane explained the wide eyed red head girl.

‘Reminds me of Flannery” Charles said dreamily, Kirstie noticed the look he was giving her.

‘Charles! See if you can return that Pikachu, I am gonna find Ralts, you are coming with me Kirstie” lane commanded, she grabbed Kirstie’s pale up and dragged her with her.
Charles snapped out of his trance as he stared at the Pikachu.

‘Dude” was all Ritchie could say, he stared at his cards, seeing if they would come to life as well.
‘Um, Pikachu, return?” Charles asked, feeling a bit stupid, not that playing pretend Pokebattles were any different. To their amazement, Pikachu vanished into a red light and disappeared into the red and white ball.

‘They are real” Charles and Ritchie said at the same time.

Kirstie was still in shock as Lane dragged her to find something called a Ralts. Kirstie had heard about Pokemon and what it was, but it was just an anime, how could they be real? Unless if the government is hiding something.

‘Damn, I can’t see it” Lane cursed, she turned to the popular girl.
‘He really likes you” Lane told her, Kirstie looked at her in confusion.

‘What? The Pokemon likes me!” Kirstie exclaimed, lane laughed a bit.

‘No, Charles, he liked you for a real long time, but just afraid” Lane said. Kirstie stared at her.

“Of what? Me?” Kirstie asked, Lane nodded her head. “Just because I am popular, doesn’t mean I am going to shove people off like that, and not all of us were like that, one of my males friends had a thing for you before he moved” Kirstie answered, Lane looked taken back.

‘He did?” She asked, Kirstie nodded her head. Lane smiled as she thought of someone liking her.

‘Ralts” a voice said. Kirstie stared behind Lane.

‘Please tell me that just some child” Kirstie asked, Lane turned around and saw Ralts was standing there indeed.

“Nope, it’s a Ralts, a psychic Pokemon” Lane confirmed, she held her pokeball high and pointed it at Ralts.
“Ralts, return” Lane said, the Pokemon disappeared into a red light. Kirstie stared at the pokeball and poked at it.

‘How in the world does a Pokemon fit in a pokeball like that” Kirstie asked.

‘You know what, I wouldn’t have a clue” Lane confirmed, stared at the pokeball until a familiar voice was heard.

‘Jigglypuff, Jiggly, Jigglypuff” the pink pokemon’s voice entered the school.

‘Don’t…fall…asleep” Lane yawned, the two girls fell and were now sprawled onto the ground, the rest of the school followed, although Ritchie and Charles had left the school when Pikachu broke out of the pokeball and ran off.
The pokeball containing Ralts rocked a bit before Ralts too fell asleep from Jigglypuff’s song.

The two best friends ran out of the house as the Dragonair entered their house.

’Okay, that’s confirms they are real, either that or some joke” Katie panted when they were halfway down the road. Susie looked back up at their house, the snake like creature didn’t seem to follow them. Katie looked up to see Kirstie’s mum jogging towards them. She was a beautiful dark blonde woman, aleast thirty-seven years old, with tanned skin and light icy blue eyes, opposite of Katie.
Katie knew Charles loved her daughter Kirstie, but never seemed to do anything about it, the woman, known as Jasmine Ryan.

“Hi Miss Parks and Miss Heavenison” Jasmine said as she reached them, she stopped jogging for a moment.

“I told you to quite calling me Miss” Katie exclaimed, irritated, she always hated been called that. But Jasmine was talking to them now, her eyes were widened at something behind them, the two girls looked behind and saw the Dragonair.

‘Oh my, is your husband home?” Susie asked, Jasmine shook her head.

‘Ritchie’s father isn’t far from here, lets go!” Katie said hurriedly, the two ran, dragging the stunned Jasmine with them.
When they finally reached Ritchie’s house, they knocked on the door, a man around his early forties answered. Dean Conqoern was a decent looking man, with muscles and blue eyes under short brown hair and tanned skin. Katie looked at him, he had grown a small beard, ever since his wife died three years ago, and he hadn’t been the same.

“There something out there, and we need to get away,” Katie explained, but before their very eyes, something purple smashed threw the roof and flew away.

‘What in the hell was that?” Jasmine asked snapping to attention after she had checked Dean out.

“I think it’s our cue to get our kids and ask them, after all, they are the Pokemon fans, aside from yours” Katie said to Jasmine realizing Kirstie never been a big fan of Pokemon.

‘Get in my car” Dean said as he stared at the thing that resembled like a cat, like his wife’s cat Fluffy except more of a human stand and a long tail. The parents got into Dean’s blue four wheels drive and raced to get their kids.

Ritchie and Charles chased after the Pikachu through the neighbourhood; their town was pretty small so they knew where to go. The Pikachu thought it was a game and kept darting all over the place, laughing in a cute way as it waited for them to catch up.

“Man, I never knew Pikachu was this annoying!” Ritchie exclaimed as they tried to catch it.

“Well, that why Team Rocket failed every time” Charles answered; he was still confused on why Pokemon was even real? How did they get here?
Five minutes later the boys gave up, Charles noticed they were almost near his house.

“Come on, I want to see if my mum is okay” Charles said, puffing from the running, the two boys came into the yard to see a red chicken on the front lawn.

“Is that a Torchic?” Ritchie asked.

‘Mum!” Charles called out, more worried about her then a chicken, he ran inside and searched the place, but no one was home, he came downstairs to Ritchie.

“She’s not here, she must have gone out” Charles confirmed, he just hoped there wasn’t any ashes anyway/

‘Dude, did you check” Ritchie started to say

‘No” Charles simply said, he knew very well what Ritchie was going to say, but he knew his mother wasn’t going into that room, it was too painful for all of them. Charles was going to walk out until he saw the legendary Pokemon Mewtwo standing before them. Ritchie turned and saw it.

“Oh dude, this certainly isn’t a dream” Ritchie said.

Kirstie woke up with a start realizing she had woken up. The rest of the school started to wake up along with her. Lane sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“What happened?” Kirstie asked, lane looked at her then over to her pokeball, it was open, meaning Ralts had escaped.

“Well it’s Jigglypuff’s ability, she, or he depending on the gender, can sing and put others to sleep, thank god the Pokemon can’t draw on you” Lane said, knowing that her face, and Kirstie’s hadn’t been drawn on. Kirstie gave her a confused face.
“In the anime, there was a Jigglypuff that followed Ash Ketchum and his friends, and whenever it sung, people fall asleep, so Jigglypuff would draw on their faces for it” Lane explained. Lane stood up and looked around, suddenly an explosion boomed through the air, making Lane jump.

‘Oh my god, that creature, whatever it is just blew that car up” Kirstie exclaimed pointing to a car on the road that had exploded into flames. Lane’s eyes travelled to a roaring orange dragon, a Charizard no less.

“That’s Charizard, a powerful evolution from a Charmander, this thing, it spew fire” Lane said softly. Lane saw a catlike creature flat to Charizard, the dragon stopped and looked like it was listening to it, *Mewtwo* Lane thought. The dragon flew elsewhere as Mewtwo stay, the cat Pokemon stared at Lane with its purple eyes. The Pokemon flew away.

‘What was that one and how does it fly?” Kirstie questioned.

“Mewtwo, a legendary Psychic Pokemon that was manmade, not in this world that is” Lane told her. Just as she sighed, a black ball with electric energy flowing around it slammed into the school making parts of it explode, the students and teachers screamed, a four wheel drive screeched in front of them to a stop.

“Lane?” a voice said in the backseat, the window rolled down and Lane’s mum head popped out. Kirstie could see her own mum in the front passenger seat.

“Oh my goodness, are you okay? Where Ritchie and Charles?” she asked.

‘They went after a Pikachu mum, I know this is going to sound insane, but Pokemon are real!” Lane exclaimed.

‘We know, we saw a Torchic and a Dragonair and a weird catlike creature” Charles’s mother called from next to Susie.

‘Quick get in” Kirstie’s mum called out, Susie opened the door and Kirstie got into the very back of the four wheel, Lane followed and sat next to her mum who moved over to the middle.

“Okay, everyone all set?” Dean asked from the driver seat, Lane could see a big Pokemon behind the car; she didn’t get a good look at it.

‘Just go! There something behind us!” Lane exclaimed, Dean started the car and raced away before a Pokemon hit them. Lane stared out as many Pokemon came to life and wondered the street, but why were they attacking them randomly Lane wondered. She looked over to Kirstie.

‘Don’t worry, we will find Drake for you after we find Ritchie and Charles” Lane promised.

‘Don’t bother, we broke up” Kirstie said sadly. Lane turned around when they stopped in front of Ritchie and Charles.

‘Quick you two, get in, then we need to find a place to talk!” Lane said, she got out to allow the two to climb over the seats into the back, and then got in herself.
Charles got in the middle and put his belt on, as he heard the belt click, he saw a pale arm and looked up until he was staring at Kirstie’s face.

“Hi” Kirstie said.

‘H-Hi- Charles stuttered, he remembered Lane had been with her when they went after the Pikachu, and was glad that she was okay.

“Where are we going?” Jasmine asked, it was a good question; the town was swarming with Pokemon, and possible the entire world. Dean saw a dragon type Pokemon open it mouth in the air and blast out fire, before they knew it, the car drove through fire and came out, unharmed.

‘Oh gosh, just go anywhere!” Susie said terrified,

‘Not without my Husband!” Jasmine argued

“Nor mine, lets call them” Katie suggested.

“There’s a hiding place that I know, no Pokemon can get into, go past our house, in between the Richardson’s and Harrison’s family is a dirt trail leading to my hideout where I go to think” Kirstie told them. The adults agreed and got onto their mobiles, Jasmine only had to call her other daughter and husband, but Susie had to call her entire family.

‘You better hope it’s big enough for my family” Susie replied.
Lane, Ritchie and Charles looked at each other, they knew ground Pokemon like Diglett could find a way from underground, and if it were dark, Spinaraks would have plenty of fun. They just hope, they could figure out what to do before anything happened to them.

Okay well, I am gonna take a rest and I may put up chapter 3 tomorrow, I can only do this on my sister's computer because mine is getting fixed so yeah, I might not able to or feel like it, but I can't do any tonight. And please review, if anyone wanna beta test this story, then I am all for it, nice to try new things. Afterall, if I do have the potential to be a writer, then I can publish one someday if I try very hard.

30th June 2006, 6:37 AM

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 6:39 AM
Thanks, I was hoping it would be, but um, do you think there needs to be improvement or anything?

30th June 2006, 7:17 AM
Well... I DID see alot of parts in both chapters where you only had one qutation mark (you had ' instead of ") and a few other parts where you had no marks at all...

OH... and you get ten extra points for liking Buffy (I think - I mean - You do have Willow and Tara everywhere on you). Haha!

30th June 2006, 7:22 AM
...covered in mental from the head to the tail, the front part was bare with grey flesh.Oh deary, he's a loony. ;-; This sentence is also not parallel either. Get rid of the "was" in that sentence.

Two blue eyes gleamed from the metal as the monster roared, it’s left claw glow as Aggron charged at a small round pink creature with huge green eyes, known as a Jigglypuff.
*its, not it's. It's = it is.
And "glow" is incorrect. I think it should be glowing. But eh, idk. o.-

‘Go Aggron” a voice cheers, a boy around the age of seventeen stood in front of a television showing the Pokemon fight. Be consistent with your writing. Pick a tense and stick with it. Therefore, since the majority of your writing is past tense, cheers should be cheered. And I think you should end the sentence after "cheer[ed]" too.

...he moaned, Charles was skinny for his age, with glasses to accompany it.Gah, end the sentence after "moaned" (ooh moaned ;D lol jk) otherwise it's a run-on.

So this is like the first... 3 paragraphs or so. And already I caught so many mistakes. Not good. ;-; Re-read your work. Several times. And if you don't get the basic rules of grammar, I suggest forking this over to someone who can so they can proofread for you.


- What does being fatter that Charles and having tanned skin have anything to do with finding a girl. Randommmm.

Lane was a bit taller then Charles but not taller then Ritchie, Charles was 158cm. Lane is a straight A student and top of the class.So this is montonous. Lane was this. Lane was that. Let's vary the sentences a bit. Something like. "Although Lane was taller than Charles, she wasn't taller than Ritchie. She did better in school that the two combined though." (just making stuff up eh >>) And we don't need to know exactly how tall Charles is. Just tell us Lane is taller than Charles. No one is going to ask by how much taller Lane is to Charles and whatnot like that.

“Does he turn you on?” Ritchie joked with Lane; she gave him a playful slap.

‘Hello, I am a Bisexual!”...so? >>; Like you said after that, Lane isn't attacted to Drake, but that's a pretty pathetic excuse to not like someone. I'm going to try that to see what happens. I'm sure people will react the same way I did too (because I know someone is going to ask, no I'm not bi -.-)

Eh well. Too lazy to pick on stuff so I skimmed the rest of chapter 1 and 2. While your plot is rather interesting and pretty original, everything else is rather... shaky. Personally, while I would be fine with people carting around Pokémon cards, games, backpacks, etc, I have never met anyone that have used the figurines to battle. Frankly I find that odd. How old are these people anyways? Sounds like between 8th or 9th grade when kids think they're the bomb when really the upperclassmen just want to push them to the side to get them out of the way.

Tee hee. =X That kid that I pushed fell in the trashcan by himself, I swear.

Now there has to be a reason as to why the figurines are coming to life. So I hope someone explains that in later chapters. o.-

Your characters are so... cliché. I hate this stereotype that all popular people are mean-hearted *****es. And that all guys with muscles are cocky mother effers too. I don't know. It's always bothered me when movies do that.

Charles, Ritchie and Lane are... pfft too. Boring. Bland. Nothing. Give them some sort of personality other than liking Pokémon.

It's not that bad. But it could use helluva lot of work too.

LaTeR dAyZ!

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 7:51 AM
FS- Ah yes,, I always press the ", but sometimes it ends up with the ' button, maybe I press shift too quickly before I pressed the other button.
Breezy- Hey it's Breezy;), thanks for helping, I correct these mistakes, um...Do you want to proofread my story? I think you are a really good writer so I won't mind.
Ah yes, why the Pokemon has come to life, I decided this this time, I won't let the entire how be known in the first chapter, so yes, you will find out later in the chapters.
Oh, and I don't believe that all popular girls and guys are meanhearted either and such, I just thought to make two of the characters like that, and Kirstie, as you can see in chapter 2 isn't that mean, Drake is just one of these guys who want to get into girls pants, althought I may introduce two other popular people who aren't mean either.
Okay, I guess Lane, Charles and Ritchie are boring, do you have any ideas of what kind of personality I should give them?,

Edit: Okay, Chapter 3 may be a long while, I am gonna try and work real hard, even harder on it, so it may take a while 9If I had my computer I could do it all day and almost all night)

Also, there is a scene I just saw I forgot, I was gonna add a mysterious character who may be or may not be Charles's missing sister.

30th June 2006, 7:57 AM
It's your characters. o_O You make one for them lazy boy. :P

And I guess I'll proofread for ya. It's summer anyways.

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 8:04 AM
Heh, I will, Actually, I was thinking of Lane personailty to be the sweet kind (Only when you don't mess with her friends) but can be bossy, Ritchie to be the kind totally in girls.
Um, do you want me to send you chapter 3 when I get write it? 9May bea while as I said before)....
I think because I was so used to using my characters based on my friends/family, or fanfics based on Tv shows, I didn't do so good with the characters, althought Lane is kinda based on another fictional charavcter, and Kirstie in a small way is based on one of my ex friend, or frined, whichever (Execpt she issn't the popular girl and her name spelt differently, inf act I don't know who is even the most popular girl/guy at outr school is, if we have one)

30th June 2006, 8:15 AM
Send in chapter three whenever you can. Doesn't matter to me.

That's good. Do it. o.o And there is nothing wrong with basing characters off your family and friends either. It might be easier for you to write personanality into and you know how your character will react in certain situations if your family or friend went through it.

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 8:22 AM
Okay, cool
I see, well I wanted to try something new, but I kinda failed at it, but I know I can do it, I could even do it when I decide to publish a book (But that won't be for a while, a long awhile), based it on them, then rename the characters, I sometimes base them off celebrities too and seem to doa good job of it