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MegaMeow
30th June 2006, 10:32 AM
;194;Nichole (main character) is going to the pokeomon lab to see Prof. Conner to get her first pokemon and see her best friend Ricky. She soon arrives at the pokemon lab, excited. She walks in and greets the professor."Hello Prof. Conner!" Nichole says."Hello, Nichole!" said the prof. "I've come to get a pokemon." Nichole said. "Oh, i'm so sorry Nichole I just gave the last pokemon away kids got here real early their probably sleeping right now!" the prof. said.

"What! Well... don't you have another pokemon left?" Nichole asks. "Well there is this injured Wingull that appeared on the doorstep of my house this morning. I think its trainer abandond it." said the prof. "Well let me have it!... I mean its better than nothing!" Nichole says positiveley. "OK. This is the pokeball I caught him with so he wouldn't run away." said prof.. He hands her the pokeball. "Thanks Professor!, come on Wingull!" Nichole says excitedly. Wingull turns its head in disrespect. "Hold on while I get it will ya?" says the prof. "Come on now, go with nice girl,Wingull!" He shouts as he struggles with Wingull.

A few minutes later he manages to get Wingull to go with Nichole. "Finally!" Says the Prof. "Thank You for the Pokemon, Professor Conner. By the way do you know where Ricky is?" Nichole asks. "Oh Ricky? I think he said he was go to the Dark Woods." the Prof. said."Ok thanks for the info. Goodbye Professor!" Nichole shouts as she wlks down the road to the Dark Woods.

This story begins in the Serebii Region.

MegaMeow
30th June 2006, 11:18 AM
Nichole looks like the female protagonist in pokemon D/P and Ricky has black short hair and wears black jeans and a white t-shirt with a blue jacket covering it. He has dark blue eyes and is 13 years old, a year older than Nichole. Hes a great pokemon trainer better than Nichole and strongest pokemon is his Sneasel. Professor Conner is like professor Birch with longer pants and full head of hair and no beard.

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 11:47 AM
Where do I begin? Story is real short, the second chapter is barely a chapter, I saw grammer and spelling mistakes, althought the descprition seems okat


Nichole (main character) is going, Don't ever put author notes in the middle of the story unless ben narrated, may I suggested you read the Aspiring for Authors thread and the Author cafe before writing anything else

The Burnt Shadow
30th June 2006, 12:00 PM
Okay I have to agree with Willow's Tara. You're story needs to be at least one page, the description is so little, I can barely visualize how something look. Plus describe Wingull like how it looks like and what it is. There are some people who don't even know what a Wingull looks like. Your second post was a chapter? I thought that was just extra detail. But anyways just follow our advice and you'll be doing well...

MegaMeow
30th June 2006, 12:08 PM
actually the way they make it look like when your writing it it seems long but when you post it its short and what second chapter???? That was only a description of the characters shown in this part. It takes up too much time to write the whole thing and a whole bunch of people make more mistakes than I do go to www.gametalk.com and go to pokemon games and search for Wanderer Prologue. And if you wanna see something real good check out the famous pokemon fanfic Under The Moonlight With Umbreon Author: Shiny Blastoise (Danielle).

P.S. When I read I imagine how the person sounds like and you sound like and old english jackass.

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 12:12 PM
Actuallyy no, it is still long, your story has to be long, aleast a page,
By the way, who are you caslling an jackass? He, or me, or both were just trying to help.

MegaMeow
30th June 2006, 12:13 PM
That post was for Willow's Tara. And if they dont know how a pokemon looks like Shadow they shouldn't be on this website and plus THIS IS THE BEST POKEMON WEBSITE WITH A POKEDEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They can look at what a wingull is and if you want more description...FINE!

katiekitten
30th June 2006, 12:25 PM
O.o Calm down, Meow! You have gotten one of the nicest reviews I have seen! Most people wouldn't be half as nice to something like this. So please don't insult Willow, for he is a better writer than you by far, at the moment. Learn to take constructive critism.

So please go to the top of the fanfic forums, and look at the stickies, (the ones that stay: 'sticky' before the titles), and read the ones called FANFIC RULES and ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS. Go on. It won't take you that much time.

If you want to see how a real story is written, I would advise you to look at some of the five star rated fics in this forum, and read them. Read them well. Or if you can't be bothered to search, look at Dragonfrees fic, (the mod of this forum, easy to find, she created at least one of the stickies, or her name is in bold at the bottom of the page under 'moderators'), and read hers.

I can't wait for Yami to get here... XD

Willow's Tara
30th June 2006, 12:27 PM
Okay calm down, okay, people like to read a story, now not everyone looks at the pokedex, and you have to pretend that they don't know, what if it was a guest who was passing by and read your story? Or you pit it on fanfiction, not everyone would know. And we aren't just talking about the Pokemon, the characters need it too.

And I am nowhere near english
And if you can't handle cristizm then maybe you shouldn't be here
Edit: Hey thanks katiekitten, I just didn't want to be too harsh, of course something liek that might sound harsh to him.
Can't wait for Dragonfree to get here, which means Meow, you might wanna be a longer chapter before DF gets here and closes it

Pinecone Tortoise
30th June 2006, 12:48 PM
Hey, dude!

Yah, I know there's a pokedex at the ready, but readers around here seem to like things handed to them on a platter and don't bother a lot with stories that make them do the work. I know it's a tough crowd to please (I've written stories here, so I do know what it's like. It's a LOT of work. @_@) but you'll probably have a lot more writing success if you really try to pamper the readers rather than get frustrated cause they're so demanding. Plus, most of the readers around here are writers, too, so they'll know what you're going through and appreciate your effort all the more. ^^

Also, with the description and stuff, I know you can picture it in your head - but your readers can't. Because there's so many ways people imagine the same thing, if you don't tell your readers exactly what you're seeing, they might be picturing something completely different to what you want them to. So whilst spelling out every detail of the scene may seem pointless to you, it has a big effect on your readers.

Same applies for spelling, grammar and punctuation - other writer/readers go to a lot of trouble to keep those sort of mistakes away and just ASSUME that you will too... then tend to get cranky if you don't. This is, of course, REALLY rough if you're not familiar with spelling/grammar/punctuation rules - but if you aren't, just find someone who IS and ask 'em real nice if they'd beta (proof read chapters before you post 'em and make corrections) for you. ^^ Plenty of people on the forums are willing to give new authors a hand, so feel free to ask! That way, they get a relatively error-free read and you don't have to stress about doing things you're not practiced at. ^^

Anyway, if you need a hand, let me know! Your idea has much potential - an injured wingull is a really original choice for a starter - VERY interesting to see how you progress this. And, however much 'Dark Woods' might be a cliched name for a wood, it nevertheless has that aura of ominous mystery around it. o.o Much excitement ahead, it seems. ^^ So don't let this little mess get you down. It's easily fixed. In fact... here. Here's a spelling/grammar/puncutation checked version of your story. Have a look at the changes I made and if you don't feel comfortable doing that sort of thing yourself for next time, let me know and I could try to beta for you. ^^


Nichole is going to the pokemon lab to see Professor Conner to get her first pokemon and see her best friend Ricky. She soon arrives at the pokemon lab, excited. She walks in and greets the professor.

"Hello Professor Conner!" Nichole says.

"Hello, Nichole!" said the professor

"I've come to get a pokemon," Nichole said.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Nichole, I just gave the last pokemon away. Kids got here real early - they're probably sleeping right now!" the professor said.

"What! Well... don't you have another pokemon left?" Nichole asks.

"Well, there is this injured Wingull that appeared on the doorstep of my house this morning. I think its trainer abandoned it," said the professor.

"Well, let me have it!... I mean it's better than nothing!" Nichole says positively.

"OK. This is the pokeball I caught him with so he wouldn't run away," said professor.

He hands her the pokeball.

"Thanks, Professor! Come on Wingull!" Nichole says excitedly.

Wingull turns its head in disrespect.

"Hold on while I get it will ya?" says the professor.

"Come on now, go with nice girl, Wingull!" he shouts as he struggles with Wingull.

A few minutes later, he manages to get Wingull to go with Nichole.

"Finally!" says the professor.

"Thankyou for the pokemon, Professor Conner. By the way, do you know where Ricky is?" Nichole asks.

"Oh, Ricky? I think he said he was going to the Dark Woods," the professor said.

"Ok, thanks for the info. Goodbye, Professor!" Nichole shouts as she walks down the road to the Dark Woods.

This story begins in the Serebii Region.

^^ Good luck and fun to you! Let me know if you need a hand!

Piney.
;204;;324;

PS: I know I've said a lot about pleasing the readers - reason why: they're the ones who review, so they're the ones you need to please if you want positive reviews.

Yami Ryu
30th June 2006, 1:10 PM
I can't wait for Yami to get here... XD

If the noobs post it Katie, I shall come :3


That post was for Willow's Tara. And if they dont know how a pokemon looks like Shadow they shouldn't be on this website and plus THIS IS THE BEST POKEMON WEBSITE WITH A POKEDEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They can look at what a wingull is and if you want more description...FINE!

Oh yes damn the readers if they can't get to your GODLIKE website for a pokedex. Oh the wonder. Oh the sparkles. Oh the cute little red box when someone clicks it and can't see what the hell a Wingull looks like.

Stop making excuses for being a lazy ***. You don't want to do the descriptionl, don't ADVERTISE a link.

Just say you're damn too lazy to help out your readers in knowing if you're talking about a Wingull or some DRUGGED UP SEAGULL. With a waterpistol shoved down its throat.

Ah-ha~

If this was your first chapter, it's way to frellinging short. If this is your prologue, I fear you still haven't grasped the concept of writing, and didn't even put an effort into this. I BET I WRITE BETTER THAN YOU ON A BAD DAY TOO.

And that's just sad, cause the crap I write on bad days, well it's just bad.

Before I edit it of course :3 rewriting teh <3.

You aren't though. You are teh </3. Your writing is craptastic. I wouldn't poke it with a stick.

Also...


This story begins in the Serebii Region.

I smell a kiss ***.


Edit: Ooh forgot this: Listen to what EVERYONE IS TELLING YOU. And maybe let someone hit you over the head with the rules and advice threads too. Maybe that will help as it almost feels like you did not use your little eyeballs to read the threads. So the info's gotta make it to your brain somehow :/