View Full Version : adventures of N00bster, the Spammy trainer

1st July 2006, 4:59 PM
What would happen if a spammy n00b was to embark on a Pokemon journey? Meet n00bster, the spammiest and n00biest of all, as he embarks on his journey to become the greatest pokemon master:
"Z0MG i sl3pt through t3h alarm!!!!11!one11!"
After realizing he had slept in, n00bster wrestled to escape from his blankets
"i is be laet!!" n00bster squealed.
After finally escaping the blankets, he hurried to get dressed and rushed down the stairs.
"What do you want for breakfast" n00bster's mother asked.
"i dotn has te time, mom" he replied
Mom started blankly at him for a second, and then asked "What?"
"i said i dotn has te time!!!1"
Deciding she didnt feel like arguing with her grammar-challenged son, Mom let him go empty-handed.
"Good luck" she called as he stumbled out the door.
Wher3 does i go now, n00bster thought. He pulled out his map and studied it for a second. You'd think he'd have been able to find the Proffesor's house, considering he lives next door, but that's beside the point.
Deciding that Prof. Maple's house must be North, n00bster pulled out a taco.
"..." n00bster thought aloud. So our idiotic hero pulled out his real compass, and nibbling on his taco, started treking North.
Suddenly, he was surrounded by tall grass. n00bster didnt know where to go. Out of nowehere he was ambushed by a wild pokemon.
A giant blue battle screen fell down and said "Wild CATERPIE appeared". There were 4 commands, Fight, Bag, PKMN, and RUN.
Realizing he was in danger, n00bster said "i has no pokemans". n00bster looked around and spotted a lost Ultra ball sitting in the forest. Not knowing what else to do, n00bster went to sleep. Yes, he is a moron.
Minutes later, he was awakened by the sounds of a battle. n00bster looked up and saw the Professor's grandson deafeating the caterpie with a Squirtle. "WoW u is de most PWNness trianer ev3r!!1!!one!!"
"I beat a caterpie," he said, "Its not that difficult. What were you doing out here anyway?"
"ZOMG i forgetted, i needs to gets my pokeman from the prof!"
"Oh. You're that guy getting the Pokemon. Gramps must be going senile..."
"hEy! wats taht suposed to meen! i is gonna be teh greatEst trainer 3ver!"
Sean Maple laughed, "Yeah right. You cant even say Pokemon right! And your name is n00bster!"
"yoU'll see, i'll beat joo 1 dae!" n00bster walked to Maple's lab feeling defeated. When he got there, however, his spirits were lifted slightly by the sight of the Professor waiting with 2 pokemon choices.
"Welcome, welcome. n00bster, is it? I can sense great potential in you. Go on! Choose one of these leftover Pokemon. My grandson already took his." n00bster walked over to the Pokeballs and inspected them carefully.
"i watn teh Charmander."
"Hm...I'm not supposed to tell you this, but actually, picking Bulbasaur is he best choice by far. In your first gym battles, you will have a type advantage."
n00bster blinked twice and stared dumbly, not comprehending a word of what was just said.
"i watn teh Charmander."
"You dont understand, Bulbasaur is much easier to train and will help you more along the way!"
"i watn teh Charmander!!"
"Er...are you sure? Bulbasaur is much better an-"
"Uh...Well the thing is...we're out of Charmanders..."
"UR OUTTA CHARMANDERS!!! Wat kinda PKMN lab are u"
"Eh...the...legal kind...?"
A man in a black suit walked up, "Are you Leroy Maple?"
"Eh...eh..." Maple muttered nervously, "Oh look over there, its a convieniant distraction."
The man and N00bster turned. Nobody ever heard from Professor Maple again.n00bster grabbed the pokeball off the table and walked out the door, pumped to make it to PWN town for his first gym battle...

Chapter 2:

n00bster was lost. Having wandered a perilous 8 feet into the wilderness, he completely lost all sense of direction.
"gah! where is teh town!" n00bster cried. He pulled out his map and studied it for a second. Deciding on a way to go, he marched on.
Eventually, after much marching, n00bster unknowingly walked in front of another trainer. Everything went black except for a Pokeball shaped hole in the center and battle music started playing from nowhere.
'dangit, i dont watn teh train3r battle!!', n00bster thought. Suddenly the same battle menu as before came crashing down and said, "HIKER ALEX would like to battle!". n00bster mechanically threw out a pokeball. The screen said "n00bster sent out BULBASAUR"
"d`oh!" n00bster said, "i didnt wahnt teh bulbysour! oh well, at least i'll have a type advantage..."
n00bster's jaw dropped. He pulled out his FR/LG guide book and said, "b-but it saids rite hear taht hikers have teh rock types!"
"This is real life kid," Alex said, "We dont have to play by the rules." He smirked.
n00bster stared stupidly, "real.....life....?"
But it was too late for n00bster's idiocy, at least for the time being, because Flareon attacked.
"liek ZOMG waht do i do," n00bster said nervously, "eh...bulby, just...dodge it or sumthing..." Flareon came in with an aggressive Tackle , knocking Bulbasaur over. Recovering quickly, and realizing his trainer was too incompetant to instruct him, Bulbasaur countered with a Tackle, temporairily knocking the wind out of Flareon.
Both Pokemon stood with slightly stressed breathing. n00bster went over to the battle menu and pressed the "Fight" command. His options were Tackle, Growl, --, or --. Obviously, n00bster picked --. Bulbasaur sat there motionless.
"wTh!11! where is teh double hyphen attack!?!?!" n00bster yelled. Bulbasaur rolled his eyes.
Flareon used a Tail Whip attack, lowering Bulbasaur's defense. After sudying his FR/LG guide, n00bster realized that double hyphen was in fact not an attack, and again pressed the Fight command. Refering to his guide one last time, n00bster chose Tackle. Bulbasaur again sprinted toward Flareon and dealt a devestating blow, K.O.ing it instantly.
"teh sweetnzz, i wonz!!one!1" n00bster proclaimed.
"n00bster recieved 250 money" The text box exclaimed.
Leaving his opponent to tend to his Pokemon, n00bster moved on to PWN town.

After finally mastering the forest, n00bster emerged in the luxorious paradise known as PWN town. The immense waterfalls and astounding sandy beaches were incredible sights to see. And n00bster ignored them all.
n00bster headed straight to the gym, and after stumbling over a rock, imerged to take on his challenge. However, as he approached he noticed a sign on the door that read, "Forclosed due to massive debt."
"d`oh!" n00bster screamed.
"If you're looking for a badge, I hear that the leader went into a cave just east of here," said an annonymous voice from nowhere.
n00bster turned and saw a town resident.
"tahnks!!" n00bster said.

n00bster started traveling east, and, still wondering what the heck a cave was, embarked on the next part of his journey....

Chapter 3:

n00bster needed more pokemon. Although he ironically now loved his Bulbasaur, even n00bster knew that one Pokemon wouldnt cut it in a gym leader battle. So he went to the nearest patch of wild grass and started walking around, waiting for a Pokemon to appear.
After 30 minutes of waiting, the familiar darkness and music that accompanied battles began, followed by the battle menu.
"ZOMG teh menus on mi legg!!!1" n00bster squealed. Unfortunatly for n00bster, he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and had been caught under the menu. Or perhaps it just doesn't like him.
Anyway, upon releasing himself from the infernal menu, n00bster realized that he was battling a Shroomish.
"hoLY crap! i needz to catches me teh grass pokeman!" And so n00bster started throwing Pokeballs at the Shroomish, not even attmepting to weaken it first.
After throwing about ten, n00bster said "gar! y cant i catch it!!!" Suddenly he realized he had never bought any Pokeballs. He looked down and noticed that he was in fact throwing rocks. So he set off again for PWN town to buy some.
Upon arriving at the Mart, he told the clerk "i needz teh pokeballs now plz"
The clerk stared for a moment and then said, "Huh?"
"i needz teh pokeballs! geez waht is u ppls, def?" n00bster replied.
"Excuse me," said a man in the store, "I speak n00b. waht is it u wantz 2 buys?"
"i wantz teh pokeballs." n00bster replied, relieved to have someone who understood. The man told the clerk what n00bster wanted. The clerk gave them to him and he was on his way.

n00bster returned to the grassy area, and after walking around for yet another half hour, the battle sequence began. Carefully avoiding the battle menu, n00bster sent out Bulbasaur.
Upon realizing he was battling a Ralts, n00bster said, "gah i ne3ded teh grass type." But his guide had said that Ralts is a decent Pokemon, so he went over pushed Fight, and chose Tackle. Bulbasaur aggressively sprinted towards ralts, hitting it square in the chest. n00bster repeated this process a few more times and then started throwing Pokeballs, until he caught it on the 3rd try.
As he was walking towards the cave to get his first badge, he met a blue Ralts that was shining. "i already gots 1 of dem," n00bster said as he ran away.

When he arrived at the cave, he met Lando the Gym leader. He heard him mutter, "...all because of that stupid loan."
Realizing he had company, Lando spun around, "What do you want."
"i wantz teh gym badges"
"Oh great, another spammer..." Lando muttered under his breath, "Well alright, you'll have to beat me first."
Lando sent out a Sandshrew.
n00bster looked around, "wheres teh muzic and darkness?"
"Oh, that. They took that away with the gym. But they did leave this!", Lando said as the battle menu fell down
"eek!" n00bster squealed in fright. Then he sent out Bulbasaur whom, having leveled up a bit since its last battle, could now use Leech seed and Vine whip.
n00bster, of course doubting the usefulness of Leech seed, used Vine whip. It was effective enough, however, rocketing Sandshrew backwards. Sandshrew lashed back with a fearsome Scratch. Then Bulbasaur used another vine whip, followed by a Sand attack by Sandshrew.
Not wanting to have to attack with lowered accuracy, n00bster switched to Ralts. After Sandshrew powered up with a Defense Curl, Ralts attacked with Confusion, causing sandshrew to faint.
"ZOMG ralts is teh psykic tipe?!?" n00bster said moronically
How is this guy beating me, Lando thought as he sent out his last Pokemon, Trapinch. n00bster switched back to Bulbasaur. Trapinch attacked first with bite, taking Bulbasuar's health down to 1/4. n00bster went over to the battle menu, but on the way tripped and accidently pressed Leech seed.
"no! i didnt wanted teh useless leach se3d!!11!" But Bulbasaur still used Leech seed, reviving some of its health. Trapinch used another bite, leaving Bulbasaur with a tiny sliver of health. Bulbasaur attacked again with vine whip, taking Trapinch's health down to about half. Bulbasaur regained some health at the end of the turn, but it wasnt enough. Trapinch's next bite knocked it out. n00bster sent out Ralts and used Confusion, leaving Trapinch's health in the red. However, Trapinch's bite was super effective, almost OHKOing Ralts. Luckily for him, n00bster had accidently dropped a Focus band on Ralts, allowing it to retain one hp. Ralts used Confusion again, defeating the Trapinch, and earning n00bster his first badge.
"Wow, I honestly didn't expect such power from you! Here," Lando said while handing him the badge.
"dont i getz teh TM? it says so rite hear," n00bster asked, paging through his guide book yet again.
"Er...how about no?"
"o, ok" n00bster replied, as gullible as ever.
At this point in time, the man in the black suit walked up and said, "Excuse me, Lando, we have recieved reports saying that you have been using you're battle menu while under probation again. It would be easier if you would come quietly and pay the fin-"
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!!!" Lando screamed, laughing manicially as he smashed a hole through the cave wall.
"How did i know it was oging to be like this..." the man muttered as he leaped through the Lando-shaped hole.

Being too busy inspecting his shiny new badge to notice anything, n00bster walked out of the cave, and towards his next destination: Chuck Norris city.

Next Chaper soon;355;

The Doctor
1st July 2006, 5:08 PM
This. Is. Pathetic. You do not just start a thread, type anything that has what barely resembles a plot in, post it and call it a fanfic. There is no double-spaced paragraphing, so we can barely read it. The way you use 1337 speech is immature and amateur. And the plot is lost among the mix of bad grammar and posting multiple chapters. That is a no-no on this forum.

I am not softening the blows here; this is abysmal stuff. I'm not doubting your abilities as an author because everyone can improve but this is ridiculous. There are magical things here called Advice For Aspiring Authors and Fanfiction Rules. They're not there for decoration but some seem to think so. Read them please, as you are, rather ironically, considering your story, SPAMming up the forum.

Smile Guy
1st July 2006, 5:27 PM
It's tongue in cheek, doctor. He's writing like that (1337, bad spacing, etc) on purpose. Because it's the style of the fic.

I tried a trick like that a few monthes back and it was also shot down. I think if you're going to do it, you've got to do it in style and this ain't style. Hmm... I don't mind parody like this but I know a lot of people who will flame (and ironically spam) this to hell and beyond.