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Danisuke_San
2nd July 2006, 10:09 PM
Sorry for the delay here folks. My computer's been wacky lately, so anyways here's my feature presentation...

>>

<<

Where's the popcorn!

SHHHHH!

sorry

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Pokemon Mew: Kanto Revelation

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---Table of Contents---

Updates on the chapters will
Be on my signature.
--------------------------------------
Chapter 1. The Town of New Awakenings! *

Chapter 2. Walloping Weedles! A Face-Full of Nature!>

Chapter 3. The Great Pokemon Escape! And Giant Caterpie!?

Chapter 4. History’s Comes Alive!

Chapter 5. Nerves of Steel or Stone: Brock’s Battle in Pewter Gym!

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~Chapter One: The Town of New Awakenings!~

The sun is crackling its way above the fields of a quant town. The farm workers are happily picking their crops as the small children play a small game of tag. The many houses that make up Pallet are all white. Pallet Town holds many small homes surrounded by gardens and farms. There was also a small market place just down the street of Dani Niwa, the hero of our story. Dani has just graduated his local Pokemon Academy and is not able to become a Pokemon Trainer. He has always been the slacker, and prankster of his friends.

“Honey! Wake up! Now!” A young women’s voice seeped through the hardwood floor and led up to lump. The lump was on the bed and was merrily snoring. The sudden scream of his mother’s voice startled him and he fell to the floor. A loud thud was heard. He is face flat on the floor with his feet in the air, his hair in his face.

“Yeah, yeah...” Dani said still half asleep. About five minutes later Dani poked his head through his cover and saw the sun and almost immediately jumped up. He put his covers back on his bed. He looked at the bed and thought to himself,

‘Well, I’m not gonna be here any longer. She won’t care.’ Dani went to his closet and opened the small double doors. He grabbed a shirt and layed it on the bed. He pulled the shirt he was wearing over his head and put his signature black, collared one on. He changed into his blue jeans, and black and white tennis shoes. He put on black sweatbands and grabbed a small bead from his dresser and put it over his head, on his neck. He looked out the window into the gleaming sun and said,

“Now! Off to my Pokemon Journey!!” He said pointing dramatically out the window. Suddenly, his stomach growled and he sweatdropped.

“Right after breakfast.” He said. Then he walked out eh door downstairs sluggishly. He took one step on the marble floor of his kitchen only to be hugged by his mother!

“Hello Sweetie!! I’ll Miss you!!” His mother hugged him tightly. He escaped her clutches to catch his breathe. His mom was a woman with hair down to her shoulder blades. Her white apron fits well with her black shirt and blue jeans. A Meowth purrs happily at her feet as she is drinking milk.

“Well Belle, today’s the last day I’m gonna see you.” Dani hunched down to see the Meowth house helper.

<Yeah, yeah, just let me drink my milk human!> Meowth said slurping her milk.

“That’s what I get for trying to be thoughtful.” Dani said looking at the ceiling. Suddenly the front door started pouring out dozens and dozens of girls. They headed straight for Dani then tackled him down. They were all from the Pokemon Academy he just graduated from.

“We’re gonna miss you, Dani!” Every single girl yelled and hugged, and kissed him, while they were ruffling his hair. All the girls did exactly reverse of how the came in when they left.

His mother simply giggled, “O.k. Dani. Now that you’re done fooling around I got your things.”

His mother said turning around. She picked up a regular sized yellow and black bag from the kitchen table.

“Here’s your bag that I prepared for your journey tomorrow. It has everything you’ll need. It has a compass, some rope, pokeballs, a potion, 1000 yen.”

Dani nodded and grabbed his bag putting it on. “It also has some extra boxers.” His mother whispered into his ear.

“Mooommm!” He whined. He grabbed the black leather belt his mother handed to him and then grabbed some toast and orange juice. He ate it faster than you can say Pokemon. He let out a giant burp and then headed out the door. He was halfway through when he remembered something,

“Bye Belle!” He exclaimed shutting the door. But he could hear a faint whatever from Belle.



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The morning sun was now high in the sky and seemed to be staying in the air like a dead fly. It was very windy that day. As the harsh wind whipped around his body, rustling his loose clothes and making his teeth chatter, Dani couldn’t help but wonder why it is so windy in the summer. Crossing his arms and grabbing his shoulders, Shrike tried to shrug off and overcome the cold in the vain hope that the weather would turn nicer within just a few minutes. A sharp, cold breeze whipped around Dani as he trudged along the unkempt trail. The temperature had lowered considerably in the past few hours as the city prepared for heavy snow. A whipper-whorl of freezing air twisted around Dani's body unmercifully, shrieking as it went past, leaving an unpleasant chill in its wake…


“How could it be snowing in the summer?” Dani shrieked. He looked up and saw a bird-like shadow with a wavy tail soaring through the sky leaving behind this snow. As it flew away Dani ran faster trying to reach the lab. He wondered what that figure was. The dirt road gave its self away to grass fields. The ground of Pallet soon turned into one giant blanket full of snow. He saw the tallest spire mill of Prof. Oak’s farm/lab. Dani went charging up the hill that led up to it. And then stepped through the sliding glass doors. He passed many of Prof. Oak’s aids studying books from the many wooden book shelves. When he reached the back of the room he spotted many machines along with two tables. One had books stacked up like the Rocky Mountains, with a man behind them. This man has a fairly large, white lab coat on with a red collared shirt under it. He has brown pants with a black belt holding them tight, above black dress shoes. His graying hair signifies his age.

“Professor... is that you?” Dani asked peeking over the books. The old man looked up with joy and stood up.

“Ahh, Dani! There you are!” Oak said stepping up and giving Dani a handshake.

“I thought I was late.” Dani saw wiping the unexisting sweat off his forehead.

“You are.” Oak said mumbling as he ate his breakfast. Dani facefaulted then jumped up.

“But so is everyone else.” Dani looked at Oak, and said,

“Prof. who are these other two trainers?” Dani asked. Oak looked at him.

“Well the two other trainers that scored highest in the Final Exam.” Oak said.

“Which are…” Dani said rolling his hand continuing the professor.

“David Akio and Rose Inari.” The professor told him. David was in shock, he could move, ROSE INARI! She was the class snot. But she was also the pretty one. Mostly all the boys would fall for her. Dani was propably the only one of two kids who didn’t fall for her evil plan. They met awhile back, along with David. She had light brown hair, covered by a white brimmed hat. She was pretty short for her age. She wore a hot pink tang top, and a black mini skirt. She was “The Fashion Queen” of the school. She is so conceited.

Suddenly the sliding doors let out a ping sound and in came a short, young 14-year old girl. She came stomping in at the sight of Dani. And then David came in nervously. David hat dark, brown hair with an official Pokemon League Hat he ordered. He wears baggy purple cargo pants with a fanny pack. And his eyes are normally squinting, like Brock’s eyes.

“Hey David!” Dani raised his arm and waved. Only to be pushed aside by Rose.

“Gramps! He’s going!” She said pointing at David on the ground.

“Why yes, Rose.” Oak said. She sighed as David came up behind her helping Dani up.

“You all get acquainted and choose your pokemon as I go get your pokedexs.” Oak said. The three looked at each other. Rose and Dani were staring into each others flaming eyes. Dani sweatdropped and broke it up.

“Come one guys, if we’re gonna be stuck doing this…” David was interrupted by Rose,

“We should make the best of it. This is why I’m proclaiming my self leader of us.” She said as she raised a flag with a chibi form of herself and shot a pose. The other two sweatdropped, when Dani said,

“A shrimp like you can’t be leader of us!”
“What did you just say?!” She shrieked.

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!!!!!!!” She shrieked.

“Never mind!” Dani yelled. He walked over to the pokeballs and looked in them. There was Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Charmander. He looked at the fire pokemon. He reached it when David got it,

“David, as your friend I’m protective of you safety. So I’m telling you for your own good, LET GO!” Dani grabbed the ball and kicked off David. Dani grinned mischievously at the ball as Rose got the Squirtle. David stood up mad and got Bulbasaur. Mostly everyone in Pallet could’ve heard their screams. Prof. Oak stepped into the room and was checking if he could hear,

“I see three have talked. Infact all of Pallet known you three talked, so here are your pokedexs. Oak handed them a strange black device. And when each of them grabbed one it glowed with a blue glow.

“Wooooowwwww.” They all said in amazement.

“Pretty light.” Rose said.

“These are known as Poke-Dex Advanced. Short for Poke-Dex Advanced.”

Dani looked at Oak and said, “Well if they’re so Advanced, what can they do different?”

Oak looked at Dani pleasantly, “I was hoping you would say that, these new Poke-Dexs have many new features. You see, I made a discovery just recently. There are existing Pokemon that have been born strangely. Their skin or fur, has been made a different color. This doesn’t mean that they’re trash pokemon. This means they are rarer. I have named them Shiny Pokemon. They leave behind some kind of glow, or particles behind them.”

At that moment Dani remembered what happened this morning, when he looked into the sky he saw that bird. The bird which let behind the glow which became snow.

“So I have input a program just for the Shining. So I want you three to not only come back with your pokedex complete, but you Shiny-Dex too. And I didn’t stop at that; I input a special chip that can make special events happen to phycic abilities, or other pokemon types. Such as transferring from Poke-Dex, to Poke-Dex through Cyber Space. And it can also show you your Pokemon’s stats; it can print out your Personal Trainer Card. It can show you a map of the region, it can send E-Mail, and you can even personalize it!”

The trainers stood in awe, in what they heard. They slept through most of it.

“Well, I guess we’re off!” Dani said. He started walking off to the door along with the other two.

“WAIT!” Oak shouted from behind them. They all facefaulted.

“Don’t fall for the Teachy T.V. scam in Viridian!” Oak said.

“You’ll never even use it!” Oak shouted again.

“O.k.! Now we’re off!” Dani said smiling. David trailing behind him, with a mad Rose.

“I said I’d be leader!” Rose complained.

“No one cares!” Dani said. Followed by a chuckle or two from David.

They are now on the outskirts of town and they are deciding something,

“Well, where are you guys heading off too?” Dani asked.

“Well, I might head on the West side.” David said.

“Well I’m going north.” Rose said. Dani nodded as he headed his way. The three headed their own ways. This reminded him of what happened when they were 7.

~~~~

Heavy rain was pouring down, as children huddled with their parents poured out of the front entrance of the Pokemon Academy. It was the first day of 1st grade, as a small 7 year old David was on the front steps alone. A young 7 year old Dani walks up to the boy while he is under an umbrella his mother was carrying.

“What are you doing alone, where’s your mommy?” Dani asked

The boy suddenly burst out in tears and tried to rub them away with his tiny fists. He looked up,

“I have no mommy!” He said still crying. A sudden gasp was let out by Will’s mother.

“Or a daddy!” Dani sat besides the David,

“Dani honey, I’ll be waiting in the car.” Dani nodded and looked at David.

“Well, if it’ll help I have no daddy either. So wanna stay with us? I’m sure my mommy will help you.” Dani said. David nodded still crying, they walked over to the car and in about 5 minutes they were at Dani’s house. Inside Dani’s mom made hot cocoa and pancakes. It soon stopped raining as Dani and David walked into their front yard to play. Outside they met a young girl by the name of, Rose.

“Ew! Are you two playing in the mud?!” The small Rose was all pretty and cute, her arms folded across her chest in her snotty position.

“Yeah! Wanna join us!” Dani asked.

“No way! Not even five dollars can make me go in there!” She kept complaining and ranting on about that. Dani stood up and pushed Rose into the mud.

“Mommy! The boy pushed me in mud!” Rose yelled. She threw mud at Dani, and Dani threw mud at her. She starts giggling. At the end of the day, it turns out David has been put in a foster home, as Rose has to move farther away from Dani. The three are separated and don’t see each other during the day. The only time they ever saw each other until they turned 10 was during the Pokemon Academy.
But then when they turned 10 David was put in another foster home with a different family, and Rose moved into the town once again. Dani never moved and stayed. They soon ended up living next to each other.

Dani has always been the kid with an endless bound of energy in him. He has always been the leader of the three and has always had a strange felling for Rose, but has always hated her. His father died when he was 5 one day. He was deathly ill until the final moments in the hospital. He was struck with a dangerous dieses which had caused him to break into a high fever and have seizures every now and then. It scared Dani to death sometimes. HE died when scientists had figured out the cure about 2 days later. He had always thought it was his fault why his father died. His father went to the market about a mile away when it was raining. Their car had broken down. Dani, that same morning, had finished all the milk and cereal. So his mother send his father to get the milk.

Rose on the other hand has been the girly girl of the group. She has always been the one who has had the sense of fashion. The boys have had an influence on her which has helped her personality. She lives with her father, when her mother left them. She was born in the same hospital which Dani’s father would soon die in. About a month later her mother had left to get some baby food for her, but she never returned. Her father filed a police report but the police found out she wasn’t taken away, but she had run off to a far off land across the waters. It was a horrible day for their family, and Rose had to learn all this through her big sister.

David is the fiery little boy between the three kids. When David was 4 he was simply watching TV when his father came in drunk, his mother told him to go upstairs. He fell asleep soon and after he fell asleep something happened… something… horrible. The next mother his mother was found dead in their living room, David saw his mother’s bleeding body on the ground and called the police. His mother had taught him the number if his father did anything. His father was convicted of the murder and sent to prosecution. He died and David was left an orphan, the police send him to the local orphanage. He was there about a year when he escaped and kept running. He ran as far as a city he remembers full of water. Blue… gleaming water, which is his only memory of his freedom as a child. A man found him in a ditch and he gave him a ride back to pallet where David was put in foster care.

So they were separated for awhile but they came back together. It was as if, their souls were connected by fait… as if their hearts were intertwined.

~~~~

The dirt road is rough on Dani’s feet.

“My feet hurt! Man, I gotta sit down!” Dani said. But there was nowhere to be seated. He took out his Poke-Dex Advanced from his back pocket and flipped it open. He was flipping through all the options until he found the pokemon search. On the screen it said its resources are the sightings of pokemon by people. He input Route 1 and the Poke-Dex started making sounds.

[Brrr-yzing*****DING!] It let out a chime like sound.

[Pokemon Located: One: Pidgey-Common, Two: Rattata-Common, Three: Unknown, Four: Unknown, Five: Unknown] Dani looked at the black blobs with mystery mark on it. What kind of pokemon was an unknown one? He looked down at his black, leather belt and saw the red and white capsule on it. He un-hooked it and saw the small fire lizard in it.

“Hey little guy! Wanna come out side?” I asked it as the small red creature nodded. I clicked the circle marking in the center of the ball and it opened, releasing a small smoke explosion and revealing a Charmander. It looked at me with its large blue eyes. I pointed the large blue bulb at the Charmander and created a profile on it. Dani was amazed at the speed. A question appeared on the screen:

Would you like to create a Nickname for Charmander?

I looked at the question and then looked at Charmander,

“Hey Charmander, what do you think your nickname should be? Oh I got it! How about after my childhood dog? Popo! I know, it’s a retarded nickname but hey, its better than nothing.” Dani said as he inputted the name.

They continued trotting along the dirt route which soon let way for tall grass. A small object darted in front of Charmander and tripped him. It was a small rat creature, with large teeth.

“Rattata!” It yelled out.

“Alright! It’s Showtime, Popo! Try a scratch!” I yelled out, Popo jumped up and hit Rattata. It hopped on its feet and hit Popo with its large teeth.

“Come on Popo! Uhhh….” Dani sat on the floor looking in his Poke-Dex.

“What other attacks does Charmander have?” He read on the screen: EMBER.

“Alright, let’s give it a try! Popo! Ember!” Popo stepped back and opened its mouth to release a giant row of flaming spheres. It burned the Rattata and left it on the floor.

“It’s the perfect time for… the POKEBALL!!” Dani yelled as he threw the sphere capsule. The two colors of the sphere were separated and then shrunk the rat to a puny ant size. The two sides closed together to trap the rat.

Dani ran over to pick up the ball. When he did he shot his signature rock on sign, Popo ran over besides Dani and shot the same sign.

~~~~
David was now ravaging through the large branches of the tree dwelling Viridian Forest. His Bulbasaur by his side,

“Hey Bulbasaur! Can you see the exit?” David asked his companion. His squinting eyes searching for the dullest light. Bulbasaur darted ahead.

“Hey Bulbasaur! Wait up! Sheesh, you like the green bullet!” David complained. Bulbasaur soon crashed into the trunk of a tree dropping about 5 Kakunas on the floor.

“Don’t move Bulbasaur!” David yelled, Bulbasaur sneezed which woke the Kakunas up. David facefaulted,

“Never mind! Just RUN!” David said as tons of Beedrill fly down from the tree and chase after them!

<Hey! Wait up David!> Bulbasaur yelled.

“Sorry!” David said going back and grabbing Bulbasaur. The Beedrills chased them half way through Viridian.

~~~~


Rose is happily trotting through the pretty side of Route 1. Squirtle happily on her shoulder, they past apple trees. And the summer sun high in the sky. Everything is right in her path. Until Squirtle falls from her shoulder. She looks back and looks on the ground. A small brown bird is pecking at Squirtle’s shell as its upside down.

“Hey you! Bird! Leave Bubbles alone!” The bird looked up and continued pecking. Rose kicked the Pidgey and it started pecking at Rose.

<Hey you, bird brain! Leave Rose alone! Taste my water gun!> The water jet propelled the bird high into the sky, but then flew back down. It looks like Rose and Bubbles are in for a fight.

~~~~


Dani and Popo are walking along the tall grass as the Rattata is fumbling in his pokeball. He took Popo back in its pokeball. Soon a giant figure flew right besides Dani. He felt something dart besides him but taking his soul along with it. It burned him slightly and sends him flying. It was a giant, yellow, flaming bird!

“MOLTRESS!” It yelled out. Dani was in horror as another object darted behind it and gave him a shock and sends him flying. It was a giant, yellow and black bird,

“ZAPDOSS!” It yelled out as well. Dani was in pain on the ground when a giant, blue bird hovered above him giving him a chill in his spine as well as darting him into the ground like a nail.

“ARTICUNOO!” It yelled out. The three birds hovering above the ground.

‘Pokemon Unknown!’ He thought.

All three birds were turned into a black light and then sucked into black spheres held by people in uniforms. They all had red R’s on their chests.

“What were those things?!” Dani yelled.

“That doesn’t concern you twerp! Now does it?” A sharp but gentle voice said. A lady with green hair appeared from the mob. She had a black strand hanging in her face, she wore the same uniform everyone else was wearing but she had a skirt.

“We are Team Rocket! You shall fear that name! My name is, Nannette! Lex and I are the most feared members of Team Rocket!” She said as she gestured towards a man with brown hair covered by brown hair. He wore black boots,

“Say goodnight.” Lex said as he took out a net launcher. A small blue shape darted and hit the man besides the head. A small shell spun on the ground and a Squirtle popped out.

<Hey you big meanie! Mess with my friend you mess with me!> The Squirtle said.

Rose ran behind and appeared, she looked at Dani,

“This doesn’t change anything, your still the pathetic worm I know.”

Dani nodded and released Popo. David appeared with Bulbasaur, they had red blotches all over.

“Wait a minute…” Nannette said as she looked at a small ripped up paper.

“You three are the ones Team Rocket has been looking for!” Nannette said.

“Great, one day and we’re already wanted.” David said. Nannette threw a small capsule revealing a Gloom, while Lex released a Machop.

“Gloom! Stun Spore!” She commanded, Gloom danced around spraying out a light, yellow spray. It left our heroes unable to move! Lex chuckled then took out the net launcher, this time successfully capturing them.

“Come on Machop, drag the net!” Lex ordered, the human-shaped pokemon grabbed the net and dragged it.

“Frenzy Plant!” A girl’s voice was heard shrieking that. Suddenly under the mob of Rockets came two giant, green vines thrashing about and throwing everyone.

A girl with a sleeveless blue top, white hat, and red skirt walked up.

“It is best if you left these three alone.” She said.

“You and what army!” Lex yelled. Two boys walked up from behind her with a Charizard, and Blastoise. Our stunned heroes were in awe.

“Damnit, it’s those three who left awhile back!” Lex said.

“Come on let’s go!” Nannette said. They fled as the three freed them from the net. Dani, Rose, and David were healed of the stun spore along with their pokemon.

“So you the kids who left before us?” Dani asked.

“That’s right, and you must be Dani. The kid who picked the fire one.” Said one of the boys.

“Yeah, and you have a Charizard.” Dani said as Popo went to go talk to the Charizard.

<So how long did it take you to grow those wings?>Popo asked pointing the giant wings.

<It doesn’t matter how long it takes. If you and your trainer have a good bond, you’ll be a dragon in no time.> The Charizard said with a calm voice.

<Well my trainer’s awesome, he treats me good. Even though I just hatched about two months ago, I think I’m pretty strong> Popo said.

“Come on Charizard! Let’s go.” The boy said.

“Well we have to go, we’ll see you around.” The girl said as she hopped on Venasaur. She started riding it towards Viridian, as did the boy and his Blastoise. Charizard and his trainer flew away, leaving Popo and Dani in awe. Popo looked over at Dani and hopped up on his chest.

<Dani, you think we have a good friendship?>

“Of course we do buddy.” Dani said giving him a noogie.

<I was hoping you’d say that.> Popo said.

“Well you think we should E-mail Oak about this?” David asked.

“You think he’ll be o.k. with this?” Rose asked.

“Of course he will…”Dani said. He sends him the E-mail.

~~~~
Oak is happily checking on the pokemon in his lab. His computer let’s out a giant ring.

You got Mail! You got Mail!

A picture with a small Spearow appears and opens the E-mail; Oak reads it and nearly falls down.

“What! Those three are gonna stick together from now on!” Oak furiously typed back…

~~~~
The three have read the message and are traveling to Viridian in hopes of meeting those other three again…

END

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So how'd you like it? Post all comments, concerns, or anything like that. THe next chappie will probably be a rough one. Because of summer school, I'll probably post it on Tuesday. That's when I'm going to the beach! B )

~Danisuke_San~ ;059;

Yami Ryu
2nd July 2006, 10:18 PM
“These are known as Poke-Dex Advanced. Short for Poke-Dex Advanced.”

A bit redundant, no? >>

Overall it comes off as a bit bland/cliche, and like a bad soap opera :/ how can the birds be captured when it's sorta proven they are the balancers of the weather? I get the feeling you tried but ... the characters just come off as flat, the story comes off as another general run of the mill trainer story. And TR has legendaries. Oh gasp.

Edit: Wtf, trainers able to understand pokemon also? ... that is one of the most overused things out there :/

DarkAbyssWolf
2nd July 2006, 11:29 PM
This seems a lot like pokemon revelation:cross of fates

-.-

Danisuke_San
3rd July 2006, 1:27 AM
A bit redundant, no? >>

Overall it comes off as a bit bland/cliche, and like a bad soap opera :/ how can the birds be captured when it's sorta proven they are the balancers of the weather? I get the feeling you tried but ... the characters just come off as flat, the story comes off as another general run of the mill trainer story. And TR has legendaries. Oh gasp.

Edit: Wtf, trainers able to understand pokemon also? ... that is one of the most overused things out there :/

thanks for the comments


This seems a lot like pokemon revelation:cross of fates

-.-

I did follow the footsteps in the story, do you think I overdid it

DarkAbyssWolf
3rd July 2006, 2:37 AM
No i mean I say it's really close to xXSaberXx's story characters place stuff like that

Yami Ryu
3rd July 2006, 2:41 AM
No i mean I say it's really close to xXSaberXx's story characters place stuff like that

Then what this person maybe did, Wolf, was plagurise :/ and that's against the rules

Tale
3rd July 2006, 9:10 AM
I was also strongly reminded of Sabers fic, not only because of the title, but for the following reasons:


I knwo Serebii has alot of great authors, and I wanna be like them someday.


Wow. Okay, this is new! Serebii.net has so many kick butt authors, I WANT TO FOLLOW IN THEIR FOOTSTEPS!

The first line reminded me of Sabers.


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Pokemon Mew: Kanto Revelation

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~~~Table of Contents~~~

Updates on the chapters will
Be on my signature.

Or just follow this key
----------------
> = in progress
* = Finished
] =writers block, or is in planning
----------------



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Pokemon Revelation: Cross of Fates

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~~~Episode Index~~~

*=indicates that it is done and posted.
+= indicates that it is in progress.
nothing=indicates it has been planned out and needs to be started on.


The decoration and the layout reminded me strongly of Saber's.


1. The Town of New Awakenings! *

2. Walloping Weedles! >

3. The Great Pokemon Escape! And Giant Caterpie!?

4. History’s Comes Alive!

5. Nerves of Steel or Stone: Brock’s Battle in Pewter Gym!



1. To Begin! A new wind blows! *

2. When things turn foul! I am the old man! *

3. It's a Bug Eat Bug World! A promise to fight and the second sighting! *

4. History Ahoy? The Haunted museum tour! *

5. My will is Stone: Brocks Battle in Pewter Gym! *

6. Mt. Moon Showdown! A Concert to remember! *

And the chapter titles were just like Saber's.

I can garuntee, Danisuke, we're not going to be the only ones who notice this. Its not necessarily plagerism, there's no need to get too worried - at least, from what I've seen, but one thing that every author on Serebii is unique, and you basically look like you're a Saber clone, or a Saber worshipper here.

I'm pretty sure you'll get worse and harsher opinions on your apparent similarity, so I suggest a change in everything I've noted at least, of course, you can't change the title; but the first part of the story, as soon as we enter the thread, everyone whos even glimpsed her fic will be reminded of Saber and therefore accuse you of things you could do without. So yeah, I suggest a swift change in decoration, layout and chapters. You're a new author, make yourself original, make yourself unique.

Edit: Oh yeah, and you've even got that little sunglasses smiley beside your title - just like Saber.

Danisuke_San
3rd July 2006, 6:29 PM
There, I'm really sorry guys. But the rest won't be like this I promise

Danisuke_San
6th July 2006, 5:30 AM
Sorry this is late, actually I'll have to be gone for about a week so I wanted to atleast post the parts I've written...

~Chapter 2: Walloping Weedles! A face-full of Nature!~





Dani and Rose were arguing too much to be traveling together. So the three decided to travel separate patch and keep telling Prof. Oak that they are traveling together. Dani sees to be lost. He has traveled into the forest part of Route 1. He checks on the map and he is off the Main Road. (Small yellow line on the Town Map)

"Why did I take that right turn?" asked Dan.

Suddenly a small purple creature hops out of the bushes. And then a bigger, furrier white monkey with a pig nose thing hops out.

”O.k., I’m not trying to hurt you little guys…” Said Dani stepping back. Nidoran M comes in with its Poison Point and Dani ducks, only to get hit in the stomach by Mankey’s whole body.


"Alright, you wanna get your asses kicked, then come on out Popo!"
Dani said releasing his Charmander.

The Charmander jumped out of its Pokeball ready to fight.

”Use Ember on Nidoran!” The giant flaming balls knocked it down, but it came back up and launched itself against Popo. Popo jumped but was hit on the foot. Popo couldn’t move! Mankey used the same attack it used on Dani on Popo.

“Aww man!” Dani said as Popo was launched behind him. HE went to his aid and returned him.

The two pokemon now are going against Dani, they were about to hit him when they were stopped in time! Dani saw as they were in mid air. And then lunged backwards and hit the tree.

“This is a weird way of catching pokemon, but I’ll take it!” Dani said throwing a pokeball.

A familiar ding! Was heard. The were both caught! Dani looked over to his side to see a small Abra. He noticed it was hurt. The Abra came up to Dani’s side and used Cure on Popo!

“Wow, thanks a lot! Wanna climb on my back?” Dani asked. The Abra nodded.


Dani and Abra were trailing the path when swarms of rouge Pidgeys attack!

“Come on Popo! Use a spiraling Ember!” Commanded Dani as he released Popo. As Popo came out he used an Ember while twirling in the air to burn all the Pidgeys. They all flew away except for one. It started pecking them all.

“This is exactly how I wanted to spend my 4th of July, being attacked by a freaking bird! Popo, Growl!” The pokemon let out a screech which distracted Pidgey.

“Now, Ember!” The flaming ball went completely through the small body of the Pidgey. IT is dazed and confused in the air.

<Abra! Teleport me up into the trees!> Popo said. The creature nodded and pointed at Popo. And in a blink of an eye, it was gone! Popo was in the highest branch of the tree above Pidgey.

“Now, Ember it into the ground!” Dani ordered. The lizard shot out a flaming sphere which hit the Pidgey into the floor.

“GO Pokeball!” The capsule hit the Pidgey and with a puff of smoke, it was captured.
Dani shot a Rock On! Sign as Popo dropped down from the branch and joined in the sign.

Abra sweatdropped as it was sitting on the floor.

Abra was happily on Dani’s back yet again as Popo pointed at a faint light that tears through the darkness.

“Come on, it’s Viridian!” Dani shouted as he started running. Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks as did Popo and they rise into the air and Abra went flying backwards! Into the hands of a mama Alakazam!

“Hey, we weren’t going to hurt it!” Dani said.

<Don’t hurt us!>Popo pleaded.

The Alakazam looked at Abra and then nodded, it swooped them right onto a tree right next to the exit. The tree uncovered a Beedrill, on Route 1? David and Popo ran out of the forest. The Beedrill had given up and David and Popo were out in the open. The tall skyscrapers of Viridian were in the horizon.


Dani is walking through the grass and saw the City Gate’s Sign:

Welcome to Viridian!
The city of New Beginnings!

Popo is happily gazing at the large building while he is lying on Dani’s head. Dani looked over at the Pokemon Center and motioned Popo over to the Center. They entered the sliding glass doors and stepped on the yellow marble floor with a Pokeball sign on it.

Dani looked up and saw the Nurse with her pink curled hair. And her gentle voice.

“Welcome to the Pokemon Center, will you like me to heal your pokemon?” She asked.

I nodded as I put Popo in a pokeball along with Rattata, Mankey, Nidoran M, and Pidgey. He looked around the Center and sat down on the near by table. He flipped open the Dex and read what it said:

Seen: 9

Own: 5

“Oh boy, I gotta step up my game.” Dani said. Suddenly he heard the ER Room doors slide open.

“Take care of your pokemon Dani!” Nurse Joy said.

“Wait, how do you know my name?” Dani asked, slightly scared.

“You left this at the front desk.” She said slightly laughing while she stock out her hand holding his Pokemon Trainer ID.

He sweatdropped then walked over to a small PC computer at the corner of the center. He turned it out and selected the Deposit Object.

Yami Ryu
6th July 2006, 5:54 AM
....... You're supposed to posrt all of a chapter. NOT part of one.

Overall I see no improvement and your battle scene .. left me WTF.


“Now, Ember!” The flaming ball went completely through the small body of the Pidgey. IT is dazed and confused in the air.


Not only do you not describe whatever is attacking it, launching said attack, you have the attack do something .. that should leave the poor bird DEAD. A flaming ball of embers going through something would LEAVE A HOLE. MEANING IT IS DEAD OR- seriously injured.

Not dazed and confused in the air.

...

Did you even read the Advice thread atleast? Because atm I would say a Big Fat No would suffice.

xXFallenButterflyXx
28th July 2006, 1:15 AM
... Wow, xXSaberXx much? You even used xXSaberXx's "word", snot. :/ Seriously, this is a poor rip off of Pokemon Revelation: Cross of Fate.

And a burning ball of fire going through a tiny bird does not leave it dazed and... confused in the air. It would leave it burnt, and DEAD. On the ground. Not in the air.


The giant flaming balls knocked it down, but it came back up and launched itself against Popo

Knocked what down and what came back up?


Popo jumped but was hit on the foot. Popo couldn’t move!

HOE NOES!! BECUZ I GOT HIT ON THE FOOT I CANT MOVE!!111

I didn't even bothering reading the whole entire chapters. And title.

Pokemon MEW: Pokemon REVELATION?!

CHeSHiRe-CaT
28th July 2006, 3:54 AM
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Pokemon Mew: Kanto Revelation

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Oh wow, that changed a lot -.- Seriously, stop plagiarizing and come up with something more original. Look up the laws of physics, too O.o It'd do you some good.

Chaos Rush
28th July 2006, 4:36 AM
Oh hi Danisuke! I think you just made another account, to copy Saber again!!! Well, FORGET THAT IDEA, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER EARN ANY FANS THAT WAY!!!!
(I think it is xXCrazy SlimXx)

DarkAbyssWolf
28th July 2006, 2:47 PM
WTF???? STOP PLAGERIZING AND GET YOUR OWN IDEAS
Thank you