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chrisivy
6th July 2006, 6:42 AM
;190; Luka the Aipom Catcher
Chapter One
Luka was just beginning his journey across the Johto Regions. (Luka the stupid dude.)He was neither a pokemon trainer nor a coordinator, but he was an Aipom Catcher. He loved Aipom since he was a little kid and he adored their funny Aipom calls. Usually you would see him sitting in a tree inspecting it to have Aipoms hiding in the branches. (What a weirdo…)
And when he found an Aipom he would simply catch it with his Aipom traps or battle it with his pokemon. But his big dream was that he would catch a really powerful Aipom and travel around with it. But he knew that dream would never come true because…
Luka’s pokemon weren’t that strong, his team was pretty weak. And if Luka tried training with his pokemon, he still wouldn’t have the confidence to start training. He was mainly scared of trying something new in his life. So all the pokemon he got were the pokemon he had received from his friends.
First of all, he received a Kadabra from Professer Oak. And then he borrowed a Golem from Ash’s rival, Gary. Then he caught a Magby and he received a Kraby from his father. Then one day, he ended up with his pokemon of his dreams, Aipom. But this Aipom was not like any other Aipom, it was a powerful Aipom.
“Wow, an Aipom! I better catch it!” Luka said and stared at Aipom.
Aipom overheard Luka and suddenly got angry. Aipom used sand-attack on Luka and began to surround him. Luka sensed Aipom getting angry and then saw it using Sand-Attack on him. Soon the sand flew into his eyes and began to irate him. Making Luka a bit annoyed.
“Ow my eyes, so you want to battle, huh?” Luka smirked rubbing the sand off his face. He grabbed a pokeball from his belt and tossed it in front of him. Then out came a red shimmering light from the ball creating a shape of a bolder.
“Gol!Gol!”
It groaned revealing himself as a Golem. Soon, Aipom then grew nervous. But it knelt down glaring at Golem ready for battle.
“You can do it Golem! Help me catch that Aipom!” Luka shouted.
Golem confidently gazed at his trainer and then at the Aipom. Aipom snickered and hopped in the air trying to attack the opponent with a tail whip. Golem narrowed his eyes and quickly grabbed Aipom’s tail, and released a powerful Rock Blast. And the Rock-Blast gave a bulls-eye attack.
“Golem!” Golem groaned and saw Aipom’s mouth glowing yellow. Aipom’s mouth was wide open ready to use his best attack, Swift.
“Aipom!” Aipom squirmed. Golem lost his balance and let go of Aipom’s tail as they both crashed down to the ground. Luka panicked and then grew a bit tense. He had to catch Aipom. He stared at Aipom snickering again expecting that this was just a warm up.
“I’m not finished with you just yet!” Luka roared. He already tried his best, He just hoped that some kind of luck would come soon. So he ordered Golem to get up and get ready for Aipom.
“I better make this a quick knock out…Golem Rollout!” Luka said unsure that this would be the end of it. Golem curled into a hard rock ball and began to roll quickly. But Aipom stood there paying no close attention to his opponent. Until Golem came toward Aipom’s way and began rolling very quickly.
“Yeah! Get um! Golem your doing great!” Luka cheered Golem expecting that he had gotten the victory.
Aipom used Agility figuring out that Luka ordered a lame move. Golem passed Aipom while it rolled uncontrollably. But Aipom, who was now hanging upside down by its tail in a tree.
Luka thought it would be easier if he used an attack that would also attack his surroundings. So the then thought…
“Err! Earthquake, Golem!” Luka ordered. And then Golem quickly obeyed. As the ground shook fiercely, Aipom hopped into the air and then jumped into a nearby tree.
“NO, AIPOM! Oh, man!” Luka thought that he had missed the chance of catching Aipom and then, threw his pokeball at the purple monkey. But Aipom wasn’t that stupid, he just whacked the pokeball back with his tail, thinking it was a fun game to joke Luka around with.
Luka didn’t give up that easily. It was his dream to catch an Aipom that was very wise and powerful. But lately decided of becoming a pokemon trainer, and enter the Johto League. But he still wanted to catch that Aipom of his dreams though…
To be continued…

-So how do you think… And I probably made a lot of mistakes. Well I hope you write some comments. If the comments are well, I’m deciding that I might start a next chapter. But you know, I’m not that good at writing… (^_^;)

Chapter Two A stupid comtinued version of Luka....
So did you think Luka the stupid aipom catcher caught his stupid aipom? Findout.

Ok, Because I'm flat on my ways of Luka feels... So I'll make it better.

(Sorry readers, I still need some more comments.... I'm still going to write the next chapter.....)

I don't think I could actually become a good writer but I'll try. I'll really try....(I really need to work on writing....)
Dear comment writers don't hate me! i don't want to scare you off! I'm sorry... (I always use sorry on anything!)
I just want some comments, folks!!!!!

Yami Ryu
6th July 2006, 6:59 AM
http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19

...

Go there. Read. READ ALL OF IT.

Your chapter hurt my bloody eyes, and I don't care if you're four or a hundred and five, AGE does NOT matter! Just dear god. Your description is eh at best. Your characters feel flat, from what I can force myself to read your battle scene is sub par and it appears you have Aipom doing crazy **** without explaining said crazy crap.

So SPACE OUT the chapter into REAL paragraphs and try not to rush the next 'chapter' you make if you do make one.

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 5:37 PM
Maybe I do suck. I'll practice writing, again. I guess I suck , alot. You know I don't care if you don't care about me ok? shut up!

Uchiha Itachi
6th July 2006, 5:51 PM
You need to indent and spell check.


You know I don't care if you don't care about me ok? shut up!

Also please don't spam. Its very annoying to listen to n00bs spam. Plus you could get reported.

shadowlight
6th July 2006, 6:38 PM
Shadowlight: owwwwwwww my eyes

;218; :PLEASE follow the advice given in the link Yami ryu gave
This could be an interesting story

Shadowlight: owwwwwwww

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 6:51 PM
Thank you, I did edit my story about the part about I don't suck. Because I don't want to get reported... I'm very sorry. I'm actually a honest person...
I'm very sorry.

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 7:12 PM
I don't like typing to myself but it keeps me happy...
I'm flat at the characters and I do need to keep on working onmy spelling. I thank all! But, I need some more comments to keep on going, but I you hate this story...I would be pretty upset... (sob)
What do you mean spam?? What ever I did I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!! (SOB!!! NO DON"T GO MY FELLOW FRIENDS!)

The Dean of Suds
6th July 2006, 7:30 PM
Don't double post and please read advice for aspiring authors, please!
Over and out,;198;

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 7:54 PM
So your saying I'm a fool? I'm sorry! Ok I'm sorry i said I was better than everyone!I'm so sorry!

Yami Ryu
6th July 2006, 8:03 PM
You keep spamming and whining and yeah you're gonna come off as a fool. Stop whining, stop spamming, stop double posting, stop trying to make excuses or be all oh I'm bad I'm bad pity me, and go read the damn rules thread and advice for aspiring authors.

SHEESH. It's not that hard.