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Chareon
6th July 2006, 7:05 AM
***

Price of Freedom


All right! This is my second try for Price of Freedom, I do hope you all like it!

Now, Price of Freedom is going to be long. Yes, quite long. It's also going to be fully posted in this thread, no more stopping-and-making-new-thread-because-it-sucks things. If I find I want to edit, I'll do just that, even if there are drastic changes. Price of Freedom is going to be finished here, so if you want to read everything, rest assured you WILL read everything. Bare with me, folks.

It is also the same basic plot as the last one, revised to a practically unrecognizable state. So, don't give anything away if you've read my first try. (I know it's hard!)

Now.
Let's play a game, shall we? It's the repeat after Chareon game! Now, repeat after me: This is not a journey fic. *waits for response* Okay, now: This is an original trainer fic/legendary fic. *listens to readers say "This is an original trainer fic slash legendary fic"* Heh. Now that you've learned those two lessons in a fun educational environment, let's move on.


***


PM List:


Chibi Pika
Blue_Mew22
Libie
Demi
shadowlight
duncan


***


Rating in General: I'd have to say... Pg 13. Maybe Pg 14, if it matters. Not much blood, no cursing (how vulgar), but maybe some romance. That remains to be seen.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Pokemon or anything, but I do claim my plot, characters, and some of my settings as my own. So no stealing. *bares fangs* Or I shall have to hunt you down.


***


Chapter Links


Introduction (scroll down a bit...)

Chapter 1 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=3769032&postcount=10)

Chapter 2 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=4128937&postcount=18)

Chapter 3 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=5206433&postcount=27)

Chapter 4 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=5622253&postcount=29)

Chapter 5 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=6900612&postcount=34)



***


So, here's the introduction. Yes, I know it's short. It's supposed to be. It's an introduction. You don't dive into introductions expecting them to be as long as chapters. Introductions serve to give BRIEF insight into the plot. Don't worry, the actual chapters will be long and juicy. ^_^
Oh, and those really long, boring looking paragraphs at the beginning of the intro? They really aren't boring. Or really that long, for that matter. Please, just read them!

Now, to the fun stuff!


***



Introduction



“I tell you, they are taking advantage of us!” A voice, filled with anger and hatred, rang through the woods like the song of a clear brazen bell. “We have to put a stop to this!” The follow up was softer, though, more pleading and more reminiscent of the wind rushing through the trees. The creature who had spoken was standing defiantly in the shadow of a towering pine tree, bristling with anger. Her angled eyes glinted, her blue and white speckled coat accentuating their deep amethyst color. Her twin tails rippled along either side of her as if by an invisible wind, as well as the violet cape sprouting from the nape of her neck. She shook her head irritably, her blue, diamond shaped crest glittering. Her slender wolf-like body and condescending air proved her the incarnation of storms, of waves, of wind.

“I know,” came the response, a deep earthshaking growl, “Too long has this gone on. But what can we do? There are only three of us.” He stood in the sunlight, reveling in the heat of the day. His thick brown legs seemed as trees sprouting from the earth, pillars holding up his mighty body. The crown sprouting from his brow added to his majestic bearing, his red plated whiskers and long, luxurious mane as well. As with the wolf standing near him, a cape billowed out by his back, white and cloud-like; his was not stirred of his own doing, though. Pale, spiky ridges, like mountains, sprouted from his sides. He was the incarnation of fire, of earth, of anything between.

“We could recruit our cousins, any of them. I’m sure they are feeling the same way.” The she-wolf spoke again, her voice a growl.

“Never.” The last of the trio finally spoke up, in a mellow voice that held just an edge of an electric crackle that could strike out at any time. His power held sway over the leftovers of the other two, the incarnation of lightning, of light, of the power in thunder. His yellow and black striped body was configured more like a cat, with sharp claws and long, knife-like fangs. Catlike eyes peered past the stiff white whiskers and the black, helmet-like forehead of his face, while a purple cape and white zigzag tail completed his features. “What would our Mother say if she heard such things? Never shall we go against the people. This is only temporary, to be waited out by those smart enough to understand!”

“Mother isn’t here right now!” The wind stirring the wolf’s cape became a violent storm, centered around her. Not a bit of her wind struck the tree next to her, though, for her wrath was her own for now. “She’s probably hiding under the ocean, or in a cave, or something of the like! She could care less about us and our problems!”

“Not true!” the lightning-cat shot back. “She would never leave us when we’re in trouble. You know she always appears to straighten things out!” His voice crashed like thunder around the clearing.

The fire-dog stepped forward. “Maybe not this time. Perhaps she will sleep too long.”

“Exactly,” the storm wolf cried. “We can’t always rely on her. We can always fall back on her if we must, but we have to step out on our own! Even Entei agrees with me, we must do what we see fit!” The fiery dog nodded calmly in acquiescence.

“Mother will fix it, if we just be patient and wait. We mustn’t do anything brash, Suicune,” the tiger had calmed down somewhat, and was now trying to appeal to the wolf’s rational side. “Not everything in the world can be fixed by a fight.”

For the first time, Suicune looked speechless. She opened her mouth as if to respond, but instead, she snapped it shut and looked thoughtful.

“This can,” Now the brawny dog gave Suicune a glance that put the spark of rebellion back in her eyes, causing her to forget her rational thoughts. “You know it too, Raikou. You know we are right.”

“Let us summon our cousins, and make our plans for war!” howled Suicune, as easily swayed as the waves by the wind.

Raikou looked back and forth between his insistent brother, Entei, and his eager sister, Suicune. Finally, with a sigh, he nodded his assent.

The war had begun.


***

She opened her eyes, knowing the time had come. The Mother, the Creator, the Protector, all names that did not befit the small figure they applied to. Her name did, though. Mew.

That name definitely suited her. The noise a baby cat makes as it squirms and wriggles by its mother’s side. Or at least, the sound it made before the cataclysm. Now it would be the sound a baby meowth makes near its mother’s side.

She stretched and yawned, her slender, pink, cat-like body as supple as a whip. Yet she heaved a sigh, one filled with all the sorrow of a mother thinking of her lost young ones. Because that’s what she was. That’s what she was doing.

She pushed those thoughts away, focusing on the present. She had work to do. Lots of work. And she couldn't be late in doing it. The unrest had already begun to spread.

She closed her large, cerulean blue eyes, opening her other eye, her minds eye. She peered out into the world, searching for one mind in particular.

There! She found it. The mind was undeveloped, the kind that usually belonged to a small child. Which it did. A star-crossed young girl of about six.

Mew smiled to herself, happy. It was perfect. She knew exactly what to do. She turned her mind’s eye to the future, following the path she wanted to take out to the end. She flinched as the ending hit her like a stone wall. It would work, oh yes, it would work.

But was she really willing to pay the price?



***



SO LIKE.
THE INTRO'S OVER.

*cough* Ahem... anyways.

Like it? No? Reply, please, constructive criticism is welcome!

As soon as I get more readers, I will also start a Private Message list, in case you want to be notified when each chapter goes up. Just let me know in your posts if you do!

Yay! Revisions are fun!

;196; ~Chareon

Yami Ryu
6th July 2006, 9:05 AM
Hm I've always seen Entei as a lion, but it's nice someone writing about the trio does aknowledge Raikou is a tiger/sabertoothed cat. So kudos to you for that.

Overall this seems to be an interesting story, or atleast the makings of it. I don't see many errors, and it flowed pretty well throughout the fic ... so keep up the good work.

Chareon
6th July 2006, 6:52 PM
Hmm... Entei as a lion... Nice thought. Later in the story, he is more leonine than canine, but as of now, he's a dog. Yes, other than his mane, his configuration hints towards dog.

Thanks for the review. Thanks muchly! *smiles* Good reviews for intros are good, foreshadows well for the rest of the story.

The next chapter will be a while coming, though. Maybe two weeks or so.

Yar.

;196; ~Chareon

Demy
7th July 2006, 7:05 AM
this is a lot better then the frist intro Chareon, keep going.

Demy

Chareon
14th July 2006, 12:10 AM
Uhh... Thanks, Demy, but... Please make your replies longer and more in depth. It makes me happy to know you still like my fic, but I would like to know WHY you like it, what parts are good, and what parts need work. That's what authors look for and are delighted with.

But thank you for the reply, and I look foreward to your future reviews.

Chapter One will be up this weekend.

;196; ~Chareon

Demy
14th July 2006, 11:56 AM
Ok , sorry I was sort of skimming though it sorry I was tied when I was reading it.

Silentvibrava
15th July 2006, 9:29 PM
Hello there, you have a good fanfiction. I was delighted with the whole story.


“Not everything in the world can be fixed by a fight.”

Do you mind if I put this in my signature, with a link to your story with it? This is something that I've been trying to tell people for a long time.

Individual Description

I never see a lot of people pull off description with metaphors, and similes. Kudos for that, my fellow writer. Best of all, it was understandable. It wasn't too much, or too little. You have a good grasp of description.

Plot

It is too early to judge the plot, because it hasn't been thoroughly revealed yet, but everything so far was interesting.

Grammar

You have a good grasp of grammar as well. I didn't find one mistake, but I was too much in the story to notice.

Character(Development)

I could already see that Raikou is loyal, and the other two of the legendary trio think differently than it. Keep making differences in the characters, like you are doing.

Advice

All I can say is learn some new, yet comprehensible, words.

For an example:

plead=beseech
violent storm= turbulent storm

Also, try some adjectives as well as sensory details

For example:


“I know,” came the response, a deep earthshaking growl,

Let us add one adjective to deepen the effect it will have on the reader.


“I know,” came the response furiously, a deep earthshaking growl,

That is all the advice I have to offer.

I'm wondering why you haven't had anymore reviews. The way this story is written is so individual, yet acceptable, that everyone would love it if given a try.

Chareon
21st July 2006, 2:48 AM
Hello, Silentvibrava!


Do you mind if I put this in my signature, with a link to your story with it?
Sure, go ahead. :3 I like that quote too...!


“I know,” came the response furiously, a deep earthshaking growl,
That'll be a good idea in the future, except that in this scene, Entei isn't furiuos. He rarely DOES get upset. That's just the way he talks. But I'll keep your idea for more adjectives in mind.


I'm wondering why you haven't had anymore reviews. The way this story is written is so individual, yet acceptable, that everyone would love it if given a try.
Heh. Yes, I agree... </endconceitedness> Just kidding. But anyways, thanks. You're a good morale booster.

The next chapter will be posted as soon as I get one more review... *hinthint*

;196; ~Chareon

Chibi Pika
21st July 2006, 6:56 AM
Okayokayokayokay!!! Sorry it took so long!!! *crashes into thread on giant mystic Lugia plushy.*
Silverwing;249;: So...might I ask why you're replying NOW, at midnight, when you just as easily could have a week ago when Chareon was standing right next to your computer?
...

Okay, okay, enough nonsense, on to the review!!!

I said it before and I'll say it again: your descriptions = <3 I never use metaphors because I can never handle them effectively.

I still think the first paragraph should be split. *shot* Yeah, just so other readers can know, I was the reson behind that "pargraph explanation" thingy. *shot again.* xP

Plot!!! WAR!!!!! *spazz attack* Okay, I'm done. I can't remember what I thought the war was about before we had out little midnight secret plot discussion thingy...

It's funny how the Legendaries from both PoF and LC have the same goal, but they just...go about it differently...with different intentions.
Silverwing;249;: Chibs, might I bring up this quote:

CHIBI PIKA, how dare you put an ALMOST spoiler in MY thread!? That's just mean. Very very mean. 'Cause this is my thread. Myaaa! *sticks out tongue*
Silverwing! That almost spoiler in CoF was your fault. And what I said here reveals nothing; NOTHING, I tell you!!! Mwahaha!


I like the Mew part. I know you told me that one part was filled with plotty goodness, but you know me--Plot Bits make my head confuzzled. @_@
Silverwing;249;: Do you realize how contradictory that is? I swear, there is no way that you're LC's author.
Myaa! >=P

BTW, is it just coincidence, or am I thinking too hard? Miyah sounds like myaa. Or meow...if you say it really fast.
Silverwing;249; I bet you can't say it five times fast.
Argh!!! No more spam, Silver!!!
Zion;157;: Chibi, you suck--this wasn't a review so much as incoherent rambling.

Urk. >> *pulls out giant rubber stamp, stamps thread, and then quickly ends her spammish review.*

"This thread hath been Chibified!"

~Chibi~;249;;rukario;

Chareon
21st July 2006, 10:42 PM
Wow... er... thank's for the review, Chibi Pika... I guess... Just kidding! Really, thanks. You say the first paragraph should be split? Where? As far as I can tell, my paragraph has the sam epurpose throughout, therefore making it a true-to-grammar paragraph... but perhaps it would flow better... *mumbles and goes to edit*

Okay, men. And women. This is it. The big one, the one we’ve all been waiting for...
(that’s from Harry Potter, in case you couldn’t tell. which you probably should, considering everyone has read those books. it fit... I just had to use it... *is knocked down a notch for using a Harry Potter quote in pokčmon fan fiction thread*)

Er... anyways...

READ THIS STUFF OR I SHALL HAVE TO THROW A PINEAPPLE AT YOU.

Before I post chapter 1, I need to explain the way I do things. I suppose you all know how grammar works, but I shall go in to this anyways:

When I was naught but a munchkin, my teacher told me that when you write ‘my mom,’ you don’t need to capitalize ‘mom’. But when you use the title ‘mom’ as a name, it just becomes ‘Mom’.

I consider pokčmon animals, in a different sort of way, which you should also know.

You are probably now wondering how these have any effect on each other, so I will explain now. You don’t write animal ‘Animal’ (capitalized) unless it is at the beginning of a sentence. Say I was to name an animal of any type ‘Animal,’ it goes without saying that I should capitalize it. So... When a pokčmon is called by its breed, say, ‘the charizard,’ I do not capitalize it. But if that was what I called it, as some trainers will do, I WILL capitalize it. Thus, ‘Use flamethrower, Charizard!’ No offence to the pokemon company. It's their stuff, and I'm not diminishing their products and creations in any way.

This is just how I write. Yes, it is a change from the original Price of Freedom, but that is another reason I did a revision in the first place. The way I do this HAS AN EFFECT ON THE PLOT LATER ON. So, please, don’t criticize it.

BUT... If you see an incorrect capitalization that goes against the aforesaid, don’t hesitate to notify me.

One more thing. This is not a journey fic. Do you all remember that? Good. Please, don’t think I’m bossy or anything ‘cause of this. I’m just trying to cover all the bases so I don’t have to say it over and over again.

^^^^^ THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. IF YOU SKIMMED OVER THIS PART, GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS. NOW, ROLL DOUBLES AND READ IT AGAIN. Good job. Now you can read onward.

*gets tomatoes thrown at for using a Monopoly line in a fan fiction thread* At least I didn’t get knocked down a notch... *gets knocked down a notch* Dang it!

^^ You don’t have to read that, though. I’m just babbling.

All that being said, here’s the chapter.

Rating: FIVE STAR!! Just kidding. It’s PG.

Also, this chapter is a long‘un. Just thought I ought to mention... *gets tomatoes thrown at for delaying chappie post* Aargh... Okay, okay, here it is! (sheesh. such impatience...)



CHAPTER 1


“Happy Birthday, Miyah!” I nearly fell out of bed as I was rudely awakened by a extremely unwelcome shout. I sat up, blinking the sleep from my eyes.

“Wh—what? Whozzat?” I peered groggily at the people who had awakened me from my slumber.

“Happy birthday,” my dad repeated, a huge grin plastered across his features. His smile was somewhat like the words painted on the banner on my wall across from my bed, which stated the same announcement in bright, cheery letters. I was surprised to see it, for it meant that someone had been in my room without me hearing them. Usually I awoke with a start at the sound of anyone opening my door.

“Rise and shine,” my mother added, “someone very special is here to see you!”

I looked around. No, it wasn’t my grandpa, he lived with us. As I was about to ask who when my mom stepped aside, revealing a girl about my age who had a smile rivaling my fathers on her face.

“Jaymi!” I yelled happily, leaping out of bed to snag her in a huge hug. Being 6 months older than me, she had left on a quest on her fifteenth birthday and I had not seen her since. She brushed a strand of her wispy blond hair out of her face and laughed at my surprise. One of the things I had always loved about Jaymi was her laugh. People say yawns are the most contagious thing there is, and I agree, but Jaymi’s laugh is a definite runner-up. I finally released her from my embrace, smiling.

“Wow, you look so different! Have you caught any pokčmon yet? When did you get here? Where have you been? Oh, I’m so glad to see you!”

Her eyes widened slightly, teasingly, at my bombardment of questions. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said lightheartedly. “I think I forget...”

“Hey!”

She looked on the verge of telling me everything when my dad interrupted. “Hey, how come we don’t get a hug?” He gestured to himself and to my mom and grandpa, who were trying their best to look depressed. They weren’t doing a very good job though, because they were overjoyed at how excited I was to see Jaymi. I rushed over and gave them each a big hug in turn.

“So,” my grandpa said when I hugged him, “are you ready for some big adventures?”

“Yeah,” my mom agreed, “what starter pokčmon are you gonna get?”

Now it was my turn to go on a quest, like all fifteen year-olds. Three years and a few months ago, the old law had stated that twelve was the youngest age anyone could become a pokčmon trainer. That had changed. Now the minimum age was fifteen, and I was devastated. From that time onward, I had raided the public library and bookstore for any pokčmon books I could lay my hands on, determining that I would be the best trainer ever.

It was only when my father had gently reminded me that there was more to being a trainer that books that I had dropped it, leaving my room a cluttered mess of books and magazines.

My room was my pride and joy, the only thing I would be sorry to leave behind when I departed. The light sea foam green walls, the sky blue curtains, the ivy patterned bedspread, the many posters hung upon my walls, my lime green clock, the white lamps, doors and windows; all I would miss. I had even picked out my favorite pillow that I would bring along the previous night so I could have some memory of my bedroom. My parents had dubbed it “the den”, since I had spent most of my time locked up in it, with the windows and door shut, reading.

“I’m not sure,” I answered, “probably a water pokčmon, though.” Water types had always been my favorite.

“Ooh, like me?” Jaymi said. “I got a Squirtle as my starter pokčmon.”

“Can we carry on with this discussion later?” My grandfather interrupted. “Miyah has some birthday presents to open!”

“Cool!” I exclaimed as the five of us trooped out into the living room. I gasped when I saw that the entire coffee table was covered in presents, some even overflowing onto the beige carpet.

“Happy fifteenth!” Jaymi said simply, grinning at the stunned look on my face.

“It’s a special birthday, the day you leave us, so we wanted you to be well prepared,” added my dad. “Go ahead, open them up!”

I did so with gusto, ripping off the wrapping paper to expose the presents within. Slowly, I revealed a new backpack with a bunch of handy pockets, a new belt with clips to hold pokčballs, six pokčballs, four potions, and antidote, some new clothes, and last of all, a pokčdex.

I sighed as I cut it out f its plastic cover. I had been looking forward to getting one for so long that it almost seemed like a dream to finally be holding my own.

“It’s perfect,” I murmured to myself, delighted. “Thank you!”

“Now I can show you my pokčmon,” said Jaymi in the pause that followed, pulling out four pokčballs. “Come on out: Splash, Skitty, Wingull, Murkrow!”

First to pop out of a pokčball was the squirtle, Splash. It was a small turtle-like creature, with a blue body and a hooked beak. In my opinion, it was quite ugly, but I held my tongue.

In the next three flashes of light, a cute pink cat, a seagull, and a crow popped out, all at the same time. I looked at the skitty and wingull with interest, but when I turned to the murkrow...

I had a strange feeling... almost like hatred combined with fear. It was almost like I had hidden instincts which decided to come forth at that moment. The middle of my forehead started to ache, making me dizzy. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, a shroud of blue mist blinded me, and I knew no more, except for an intense fury, and a strange burning sensation in my eyes...


***

I regained consciousness slowly. I tried to move, to sit up and open my eyes, but to no avail. Deciding that I had nothing better to do, I started thinking.

I couldn’t fathom what had happened, and strangely, I didn’t care. All I could think of was my dream. It felt like some unseen force was pushing me to think about it. So I did.

The previous night, I had a dream. I had always had a dream the night before my birthday, the same one. It all started on my seventh birthday, when I had a dream about a girl walking through a forest. I thought nothing of it at the time, that is, until my next birthday.

Then I had another dream about a young girl walking in a forest, the same exact dream, except in that dream, I got to watch a little longer. And so it continued, up until now, my fifteenth birthday. Now I knew that I had finished the dream.

A young girl, possibly six in age, was walking in a forest. It was impossible to tell who she was because she was walking away, with her back turned. Suddenly, a pink, flying, cat-like pokčmon flew out of the trees and confronted her, giggling. As the awed girl reached out with her hand to touch her, Mew took her by surprise by ducking under her hand and poking her in the middle of her forehead with one stubby arm. As Mew flew away, giggling again, the words echoed around in her mind: “You are marked. We will meet again someday”. Suddenly the girl became frightened, and as she turned around to run away...

...I realized that it was me. I was the girl in my dream, in the dream that wasn’t a dream at all. It was a memory, my memory, of when I was six years old.

I had run away, angry with my parents for some trifle. I had gotten lost in the woods, wandering around, and trying to find my way back. I was on the verge of tears when I heard a rustling noise. I walked over to check it out, and was confronted by Mew.

I was pondering this, wondering what it meant and how it affected what had just happened just now, when I heard voices. They must have been arguing, because now they were louder than before, the reason I could hear them.

Suddenly, I realized I could see slightly through the all enveloping blackness, though it was just a slit at the top of my face. I could also move. I was about to reach up and remove the blindfold when I heard voices.

I had never really eavesdropped before but I figured these circumstances could warrant a little bit of it.

I heard Grandpa laughing fit to burst, and this stood out to me the most considering my parents’ tones of voice.

“She has the power!” gasped my grandpa in between bursts of laughter.

“No, she doesn’t, she can't!” my dad disagreed.

“How can you be so blind? You saw what happened!”

“There must be another explanation!”

“There isn't! Just face it, your plans didn’t work!”

“Then what are we going to do?” added my mom, finally butting in.

“There’s nothing we can do except have grandpa explain everything to her, I suppose.” My sighed, a sign that he had given up.

I just couldn't take the suspense any more. I ripped off my blindfold and sat up, at which time everyone gasped in surprise that I was awake. “Explain what?” I demanded, “What’s going on here?!”

My mom, who it turns out, was sitting next to me on the bed, stroked my sweaty forehead and brushed a few wet strands of hair out of my dark brown face. “Honey, just let Grandpa explain, okay? Everything will make sense in a little while.”

I turned to Grandpa. “Well?”

Grandpa wiped the tears of joy from his face and smiled at her. “This will take a while, so you might as well sit back and relax.”

I obliged. I was too curious to do anything else; plus, my fluffy pillow was just the right treatment for my aching head.

“Long ago...” My grandpa started to tell his tale with these exact words; the same he had started every other story he told me with. “...a group of scientists got together and figured that they could make a race of super humans by implanting pokčmon DNA in them. Everything failed, until one scientist mentioned that perhaps they should use the DNA of all pokčmon and inject it into humans. Everyone scorned the idea because they knew if you went and put too much DNA that wasn’t a human’s into a human, they would develop traits undesired for humans to have. The scientist who proposed this left the others in search of the one pokčmon who could fulfill his wish. Can you guess which that one was Miyah?”

“Mew,” I breathed, finally understanding. They say Mew is the mother of all Pokčmon, holding all of the different pokčmons’ DNA within her small body.

“Yes,” my grandpa smiled, proud I had worked it out so fast. Of course, I had just been thinking of her, so I suppose I cheated. He continued. “The scientist succeeded in getting a bit of Mew’s DNA and injecting it into three unrelated embryos. But the scientist’s work failed you see, or so he thought. The three embryos turned out to be normal humans, and the scientist died thinking his life was a failure. But, the three people’s children, on the other hand, each had an element that they had a sort of control over, just like pokčmon.”

“Oh, I see, so I’m one of the people who have pokčmon powers? That means...” I tried to think around my aching head. “... so do you! What element did you get?”

He smiled, raised his hand, concentrated hard, formed an ice cube in midair, caught it in his hand and handed it to me.

“Ice, I assume?” I said, chomping on the ice cube. “What type am I then?”

“You, my dear, are the one and only psychic-type human!”

“What’s so special about psychic?” I asked. “And how come I am the only one?”

“You’ve already answered your first question.”

It was then that I realized how stupid my first question was, although I didn’t show how embarrassed I felt as I asked, “Well then what about my second question?”

“Alas,” came his answer, “I have no idea.” Such a helpful answer!

I thought for a second about what I had forgotten to think about earlier, and then asked, “What happened earlier? I can't remember.”

“You went berserk,” he said simply. “All pokčmon of one type will always have a deep-rooted hatred for any pokčmon whose type is stronger than its own, such as fire hating water. Your instincts were aroused by the feeling of a dark-type pokčmon weaker than you, so you tried to attack it. Your parents are explaining everything to Jaymi as we speak, so she shouldn’t be that mad at you for nearly savaging her murkrow.”

“I see,” I said, “but what exactly happened? What could I have done to a Pokčmon?”

“Well...” said my grandpa, chewing on his shirt collar, just as he always did when he’s agitated. Whatever I had done, must have been really bad! “Your eyes started to glow, the blue glow of a psychic Pokčmon powering up. Then everything in the room was lifted up and started swirling around the room in a vortex around you and Murkrow, then you kind of...” He trailer off, swallowed, then said, “... directed all of the furniture and such at Murkrow, burying it, then you turned on us and the same thing would have happened to us if your mom hadn’t snuck up behind you and blindfolded you. Then you just kind of... fainted, just like an overworked Pokčmon, so we brought you back here, to your room.”

“I'm sorry,” I said pathetically.

“Don’t worry,” said my grandpa with a grin, “when I first encountered a low leveled fire Pokčmon, I froze everyone and everything around me in a twenty foot radius.”

“So it’s normal?” I asked, relieved.

“That part is.” said grandpa, “Here’s is the catch though: some scientists would kill to experiment on us, which we can't let happen. You must never tell anyone about or show anyone your powers.”

I sat there, kind of just thinking about everything, until I realized my Grandpa was staring at me expectantly, although I didn’t quite know what he expected.

“Okay, enough with the boring story-telling; let’s boogie down to the Professor’s and get you started on your journey!” said my dad, barging in, always the awkward silence saver.

“Yay!” I said, happy once again, “but where’s Jaymi? I want to apologize.”

I found Jaymi in the wrecked living room, perched on the edge of an overturned sofa. I approached her cautiously, suddenly afraid.

The moment she turned around and saw me, I burst into uncontrollable tears and rushed over to her and hugged her, sobbing and apologizing over and over again.

“Hey, Miyah, it’s okay, I forgive you!”

I gave a start and looked at her. “Really?”

“That’s what friends are for!” she replied, smiling. “Now let’s go get your pokčmon!”


***

As we drove north to see the Professor, I was still trying to decide which starter I wanted. I knew that mudkip would be one of my top choices, along with cyndaquil. Although I didn’t much like cyndaquil, I loved its evolution, quilava.

The Professor that we were going to was special. Instead of carrying just the three native starters for his continent, like the other Professors, he carried all nine. Even though the drive was longer to see him than the original Professor of Johto, Professor Elm, my family decided it was worth it to have all of the choices for me.

“Aren't we there yet?” Ever the impatient one, my grandfather complained for what seemed the hundredth time.

“Actually, yes,” our navigator, Jaymi, surprised us by saying. “His driveway is just a couple miles away to the right.”

“Finally!” I said, excited to be one step closer to leaving on my journey.

A couple of minutes later, we had pulled up to the professor’s house after crunching along his long, winding gravel driveway.

As soon as I jumped out of the car, I ran up to the Professor’s door and knocked excitedly three times.

“Yes?” He said as he opened the door. “Ah, Miyah, I presume? Come on in.”

I grinned at my parents as we walked into a foyer-like room.

“Miyah, come with me. The rest of you are free to make yourself at home right here,” the Professor said, beckoning me to follow him into an adjoining room.

“Sit right there,” he ordered, pointing to an old velvet peach colored chair, “while I release the pokčballs in front of you.”

“Okay,” I said, smiling at him.

He returned the smile before turning and taking some pokčballs out of a box. His smile immediately disappeared as he counted them. “Um, I believe I'm missing cyndaquil, is that okay? If you want, I can reorder one but it will take me a couple of weeks.”

“That’s okay, Professor,” I said. Even though cyndaquil was one of my top choices, I didn’t want to have to postpone my journey for one.

“Oh, good,” the professor said, releasing the first five pokčballs at once, “Well, take your time!”

The first pokčmon to emerge was a chicorita, a small, light-green colored dinosaur pokčmon with a leaf on its head and a necklace of flower buds sprouting on its neck.

Next to emerge was a blue bipedal crocodile pokčmon. As soon as the totodile came out, the chicorita turned and whacked the totodile harshly on the head with its leaf. After blinking a couple of times to clear its head, the totodile turned and clamped its sharp teeth on the chicorita’s leg.

While this was happening, the three Hoenn starters had emerged from their pokčballs and also started fighting; the torchic used ember on the treeko, the treeko used bullet seed on the mudkip, and the mudkip used water gun on the torchic.

Since these attacks were all super-affective on the pokčmon they were used on, all three Hoenn starters winded up fainting.

“Oh, dear!” exclaimed the Professor, “I'm so sorry! I forgot to send this batch out one at a time!” As the Professor said this, he dropped the last three pokčballs on the ground, and cursed loudly as they popped open.

Out of one of the pokčballs came a bulbasaur, a blue frog with a bulb on its back. The bulbasaur immediately sent out long vines and started to try to pull the totodile and chikorita apart.

Out of the next came a squirtle. To my disappointment, it turned its back on the melee, curled up, and started sleeping.

Last to come out was a bipedal orange lizard with large expressive eyes and a small fire on the end of its tail. Unlike the rest of the pokčmon, the charmander turned its attention to me. Its expression seemed to say, “Please pick me! Just get me away from them, and I promise I will do anything for you! I will love you, and if it is your wish, I will fight for you until my last breath leaves my dying body!”

I gasped as I heard this, for I realized that the charmander really had said that. I was just wondering why I understood, because I had never taken any pokčspeech lessons, but some loud laughing behind me interrupted my thoughts.

I turned around to behold that my family and Jaymi had heard the ruckus and come to see what was happening.

I tried my best to make myself heard over their laughter as I called, “Professor!” then louder, “PROFESSOR!!”

At which point he stopped chasing the chikorita around the room and panted, “Yes?”

“I’ll take the charmander,” I said, deciding on the spur of the moment.

“Phew,” he sighed, recalling the other pokčmon. “Now I can get you your license for your Pokčdex. Come on, you two, follow me.” He beckoned to Charmander and me.

Charmander shot me a look of pure happiness and gratitude as we made our way into the next room, which contained boxes of pokčdexes along with two computer-like machines. The Professor walked over to one of the machines and started typing.

“How do you spell your name?” he asked, still typing.

“M-i-y-a-h,” I said, then, as an afterthought, “A-s-e-n-t-i”

“Okay,” he said, “When is your birthday?”

“March 1st, 2021”

“Hold on.” The Professor had been typing all of this information down on the computer as I spoke. A whirring sound was emitted from the machine, and then a disk popped out of it. The Professor took the disk, took my proferred Pokčdex, and proceeded to scan the disk into it.

“Here you go, Miyah,” he said, handing me my Pokčdex. “Your pin number is 030121130047.”

I stared at the number on the screen for a moment before I realized that the first part of the number was my birthday. The Professor noticed me staring blankly at the rest of it.

“You are the thirteenth person (13) to get a charmander (004) from me (7).” He explained, pointing to each part in turn.

“Why are you seven?” I asked, befuddled.

“No idea,” he responded, chuckling. “The other Professors are one through three, but I just up and get some random number. Such is the curse of my prowess!” He put a hand to his forehead, feigning weariness.

He then recalled the charmander to its pokčball and held it out in front of the pokčdex. The pokčdex made a beeping noise as the charmander’s stats were shown. A strange female mechanical voice read them off, “Charmander, male, level 5, moves known: Scratch, Growl, and Tackle. Charmander is the Lizard pokčmon. Obviously prefers hot places. When it rains, steam is said to sprout from the tip of its tail.”

“Could you turn the voice off for me before we go please? It’s quite annoying.”

The Professor laughed as he turned a switch at the back of the pokčdex. “Sure thing. Come now, its time for you to go. I have another appointment in a couple of minutes.” He escorted me back into the foyer-like room, which now seemed to me to be a cleverly disguised waiting room. My family and Jaymi had evidently come back in after seeing the ‘incident’ and were now standing up and shaking the Professor’s hand.

“Bye!” We waved as we got into the car and began the long drive towards home.

***

^^ FIN.

Well, What do you think? Good, no, maybe so?

Like I said, this is a long chapter. One of the longer ones. But most of them are around six page on Microsoft Word, the lowest so far being four pages, the longest, ten. Without the entering between paragraphs, that is. So maybe some of them will have to be in two posts. That remains to be seen.

*sigh* Please post nice, long, in depth reviews for the benefit of future readers and yours truly.

Yay!

;196; ~Chareon

Demy
22nd July 2006, 11:02 AM
I like it, I think it have improved isne the frist one.

Demy

Chibi Pika
23rd July 2006, 4:32 AM
Bwahahaha!!! *crashes into thread yet again.*
Silverwing;249;: Geez, at this rate the thread'll collapse by the third chapter.
Speaking of the third chapter, you combined the first three into one this time around! The chappie didn't seem too long to me.

And...and...you stole my pineapple!!!!!!

Anywho, you already explained the whole capitalizing thing to me, and I didn't notice any inconsistancies. ... ...I always felt like I should have not capitalized Pokemon, but was too lazy to change. My excuse is that Talking Animals' species are captialized in Narnia, so...yeah.[/crappyexcusethatChibiuseswaytoooften] Actually, I captalize way to many things. >< Rockets, Legendaries as a term, Pokemon elements,

Harry Potter quote!!! That I remember. But that I can't remember which part or book it's from! ><

Rating: FIVE STAR!! Just kidding. It’s PG.
xD That quote ftw. Best line ever.
*Points and laughs* You got knocked down two notches! xD And now people are throwing tomatoes at you...you stole my tomatoes, too!!!
Silverwing;249;: I can't believe what I'm hearing. >> *knockes Chibi down three notches.*

Alright, now to write something of quality.

I actually had the old thread open while reading the new one so that I could pick out the new stuff. Its weird how sticking the three chapters into one, completely rewriting thee intro, moving the dream, and spoofing the desciption here and there made so much of a difference! In any case, when new readers come and see this instead of the original, they'll be much more likely to stick around.

Unless they gets scared away by the super-human paragraph. People are fruits like that. >< Heck, JADE once got accused of mary-sue-ism. Readers are paranoid of that sort of thing. So... Anyone who flees of assuptions of 'sue-ism will have ME to seal with!!! Sic 'em, Zion!!!!
Zion;157;: *Snarls rabidly and shoots flames everywhere.*
*Backs away slowly.*
Silverwing;249;: Brilliant Chibi, now you sent her on a rampage and scared away all the other readers.
Ack, no!!! I can fix it! Everyone come baaack!!

Chikorita got misspelled once.[/Random]

Rereading the beginning makes the whole embryo thing make more sense now. *brain still spiraling from the mayor's lab explantaion.* So, a question--she's descended from one of the original experimental humans. How many generations back was that?

Ahahahaha!!!!! Continuity issue!!!! *immature spazz* In the new one, she opens hew b-day presents and gets a Pokedex. But she also gets a Pokedex from the Professor, just like in the old one! xD

Having the age limit at 15 makes way more sense than 12 *dies* Actually, the only reason I set the age limit at 12 for LC, was because anything higher would make some other characters too old. Even still...for quite awhile I've considered chagining it to 13. I just wondered how everyone would respond. ><

Heehee, I like the "Radnom-number-Professor" quote. xP

Now that you've explained Blaze's personality, his first quote is that much funnier. ^^

Anyway...I can't wait to see how the rest ends up getting revised! ^^

~Chibi~;249;;rukario;

Chareon
23rd July 2006, 5:21 AM
Yay! Chibi Pika's long review of doom! I've been dying for one of those for a long time!!


Speaking of the third chapter, you combined the first three into one this time around! The chappie didn't seem too long to me.
Yeah... :3 Most of my chapters are either two in one or three in one now. I've just found better places to cut them off, that's all. *chuckles* Except for one. You know, the ten page one that was randomly inserted into the four page average PoF thread? I left that alone. *purrs*


And...and...you stole my pineapple!!!!!!
*glances around slyly* So what if I did? You gonna make sumthin' of it?
In actuality, I've been saying "Or I'll whack you over the head with a pineapple" quite often. *gigglesnort* (<- heh. that's yours too!)


*Points and laughs* You got knocked down two notches! xD And now people are throwing tomatoes at you...you stole my tomatoes, too!!!
*is puzzled* I don't remember you having tomatoes thrown at you... I thought that came from Garfield?


Ahahahaha!!!!! Continuity issue!!!! *immature spazz* In the new one, she opens hew b-day presents and gets a Pokedex. But she also gets a Pokedex from the Professor, just like in the old one! xD
*screams* Oh no!! How could this happen? I've read and reread and revised and edited and double checked so many times that I could probably recite the whole fan fic by heart AND I MISS THAT???? *dies* *revives long enough to scurry away and fix error*


Now that you've explained Blaze's personality, his first quote is that much funnier. ^^
Hey, now... No subliminally bragging that I've told you WAYY too much about PoF! And ESPECIALLY no giving away stuff that the readers shouldn't know yet! *tsk tsk*

Well... Now that I've responded to and analyzed every bit of Chibi Pika's post, does anyone have any questions? I can't answer things that are past chapter one, as of now, but feel free to clear things up if you need. A lot of things that aren't clear now will be later on, though, so I may tell you to wait! xP

Also, anyone for the PM list? As of now, there are 0 people on it... Just tell me at the end of your posts if you want to be notified.

Well, that's that. Buh bye! *leaves to fix broken parts of thread thanks to Chibi Pika crashing onto it so hard*

;196; ~Chareon

Demy
23rd July 2006, 1:09 PM
Can I go on your PM list.

Demy

Chareon
29th July 2006, 1:28 AM
*nods coldly*

PM list:
Demy

Demy
29th July 2006, 3:52 PM
"Bows till head reaches the ground"

Saying: Thank you, Thank you

Dragonfree
5th August 2006, 6:40 AM
Demy, please don't spam. Your replies are really on the short side. Try to say something useful for the author when you reply.

Chareon
2nd September 2006, 1:00 AM
*dance* *dance* Look loook look! Chapter 2!

Rating: Pg (not that I want your parents reading over your shoulder...)


CHAPTER 2

By the time we had driven home, dusk was beginning to fall. I was especially glad to get out of the car, because although like the others I wanted to stretch my legs, my mom wouldn’t let me take Charmander out of his Pokčball in the car.


“His tail flame will set the car on fire!” she had said.

So now that I was home, I released him into the newly cleaned living room.
“Charr!” he said, popping out of his Pokčball. Then, he said in real words, “I wonder where I am?”

“You’re at my house er... Charmander,” I answered, not knowing exactly what to call him.

Charmander gave me a surprised look. “You took pokčspeech lessons?” he asked. “You were supposed to tell the Professor if you had. He’s taking a poll of all of the people who have, you know.”

“I know,” I said, “Its part of the registration process. ‘It is the trainer’s responsibility to inform the pokčmon Professor that you get your starter pokčmon from if you have taken any introductory pokčspeech or pokčspeech courses.’” I had memorized this information way back when I was twelve. “I didn’t do my duty because I really never have taken any lessons.”

Charmander looked even more surprised at this, although he looked slightly relieved at the same time. “Oh. Well then, why do you know pokčspeech?”
I then related to Charmander all that had happened today, and what my grandfather had explained to me.

“Wow, I had always hoped for a special trainer, but I had never imagined anything like this! Although,” he added as an afterthought, “for a second there I thought I had gotten a lying trainer!”

I laughed, which must have wiped away any remaining doubt he had left, for he grinned, a broad grin which exposed his pointy charmander teeth.

“So,” I said, suddenly curious, “what about you? Now you know some stuff about me, so I want to know some stuff about you!”

“Well,” he told me, “I'm just a normal charmander from a normal family. Nothing special like you. I was the eldest of three other siblings, two males and a female. They and I used to talk a lot at night when we should have been sleeping about what an ideal trainer should be. Our ideas got wilder and wilder, such as being trained by a legendary pokčmon, until our mother, who by then obviously knew of our discussions, told us to ‘shut up and go to bed’. Once I got to level five, my mommy flew me to the Professor’s. There I waited with those other tyrannical pokčmon, excluding bulbasaur of course, until you came. I'm guessing you know the rest,” he finished with a laugh.

“Charmander,” I said, struck by a sudden thought, “what’s your name? I'm not sure I want to call you Charmander all the time. It gets kind of old, hearing other people calling their pokčmon by their breed all the time, you know what I mean?”

“Glad you mentioned it, I don’t much like the thought of that either. My name’s Blaze.”

“Cool!” I said.


Throughout the time that I was talking with Blaze, my parents and Jaymi apparently had packed all of the stuff for my journey that was to begin the next day, and now came filing into the living room, collapsing on the other sofa.

“Thanks guys!” I said, upon hearing of their accomplishment.

“Oops!” said my mom randomly, smacking herself with her hand, “Miyah, dear, the only thing we forgot is the money for you. Could you go get it?”

“Of course, Mom,” I said, “Where is it?”

“In the dresser in my room— the one that’s the same as the one you have, top shelf.”

I got up and walked into my parent’s room, closely followed by a curious Blaze. I spotted the dresser in question almost immediately. As it was dark in the room, even with the small table lamp on, I couldn't see into the drawer. Reaching in confidently, (having reached the same way into my own dresser for years) I was surprised when my hand hit the bottom much earlier than expected.

“Ouch!” I exclaimed sucking on my jammed fingers. “Hey Blaze, could you jump up here and use your tail flame as a light for a second please?”

He obliged, and with the newly added light, I saw the money almost immediately. I grabbed the many bills, and as I did, I saw a small finger-sized hole in the bottom of the drawer under the spot where the money had been.

“Look!” I said excitedly to Blaze. I removed the rest of the junk that had also been in the drawer, stuck my finger into the hole, and lifted. There, in the real bottom of the drawer, was a yellowed scrap of paper, which upon closer inspection was revealed to be a newspaper article, dated three years ago:


Scientists discover way to merge people with Pokčmon!

For a long time, writes Lisa Carson, people have been wondering what the scientists in Kounei forest have been up to. Now, at last, we know! “We've been working on this for years,” one scientist explains. “Although we know exactly how to merge people with pokčmon, it will take a couple of years for us to find someone who is enough like a certain pokčmon that we can merge them.” The scientist further explained that the pokčmon and human who are to merge have to have similar characteristics and both have to agree to the merging. None of the scientists, however, would tell exactly how they could achieve this, for fear of their idea being stolen by their rivals in...
Continued on B4

And that was all there was. I flipped it over, but there was only an advertisement for a coin laundry.

“Miyah! What happened, did you get lost?” my mom shouted from the living room, while everyone else laughed at her quip.

“Coming!” I yelled, quickly replacing the article, the false bottom, and all of the junk. Blaze followed me as I quickly walked back to the living room.

“Sorry,” I said, knowing that even if I didn’t want to, I had to lie, “I was just astonished by the amount of money you guys are giving me! There’s like...” I started to count the pokčdollars in my hand but my mom interrupted.

“... Twenty-five hundred,” She finished, “We know that you have five hundred saved so you can start off with three thousand.”

“Wow,” Jaymi remarked, “I only had two! But look,” She pulled out her pokčdex, “There's a compartment on the back for your money!” she pulled it open, revealing some bills. “And your pokčdex will keep track of the money in there for you.”

“Cool,” I said, pulling out my own Pokčdex and adding the money my parents gave me, before dashing off to retrieve my own from my room, followed, yet again, by Blaze.

“Is this your room?” he asked, looking surprised.

“Yeah,” I said, “why?”

“It’s just that,” he paused, then continued, “you didn’t seem like a very smart trainer, yet you have so many encyclopedias and such.”

“Oh,” I said, slightly abashed, “After they changed the age limit for beginning trainers, I decided to try and become the best trainer ever. I studied for almost a year before my dad gave me a talk about how ‘a good trainer isn’t made from books’. I haven’t really studied since.” I walked to my dresser, grabbed my Sproink bank, smashed it on the ground, and grabbed the pokčbucks that were scattered amongst the shards.

“Hmm...” Blaze looked at the shards of ceramic on the ground.

“What?” I asked.

“Do you think you could fix that with, you know, your powers?”

I frowned. “Lemme try.” I concentrated as hard as I could, but nothing happened.

“Maybe if you imagine the pieces reassembling?” Blaze suggested.

This time, I concentrated hard while imagining the pieces floating in midair.
Suddenly, the spectrum took on a very bluish tinge as the pieces lifted up into the air. I reassembled them in midair, holding them there, while asking Blaze, “Could you sort of melt this back together?”

Blaze nodded, and by grabbing his tail and blowing the flames towards the held together pieces of ceramic, he welded the pieces back together.

I laughed, grabbing the newly fixed, but slightly funny looking sproink bank and putting back on my dresser. “We did it!” I exclaimed. Then I looked up at the clock. “We should get some sleep,” I said. Blaze and I walked out into the living room to say good night to my parents and Jaymi, explaining that we wanted to get an early start the next morning.

As I got into bed, I heard a “Good night!” from Blaze. I smiled, replying, “Good night!” as I recalled him to his pokčball.


The next morning, I woke up very early, grabbed my new belt, with Blaze’s pokčball on it, and backpack, with all of the new stuff in it, put on my bandana, and left while my family was still sleeping. I had never been one for goodbyes, so I avoided them at all costs.

I had decided last night, after viewing the newspaper clipping, that I would seek out the scientists and see if I qualified to be merged with a pokčmon.

I set out into the woods near my home; they were a branch of the Kounei forest, and followed a trail that had been cut through the forest from years of forest pokčmon following it. I knew it had to lead somewhere, so I followed it, calling Blaze out of his Pokčball to keep me company.

We walked along in silence for a while, savoring the quiet of the deep woods. Suddenly, as we stepped into a clearing, we saw what looked to be a young, deer-like pokčmon chewing on a clump of sage. It appeared to be a stantler, but as soon as it looked up, I could tell that it wasn’t one. I whipped out my Pokčdex and scanned it. ‘Fawneer, the fawn pokčmon. Fawneer is a pre-evolved form of stantler. Fawneer are reclusive Pokčmon, who like to live in deep forests.’ I read.

When the fawneer saw me, it turned, which exposed the pale spots on its back, and started to run away.

“Wait!” I called, “Want to battle me?”

The fawneer stopped running and turned, shaking its head before bounding off into the forest.

“Darn,” I said, “I was hoping to have our first pokčmon battle.”

“Next time,” Blaze laughed, “challenge it to a battle before it starts to run away.”

“Oh,” I said, “I forgot about that.” Then, I laughed, “I wasn’t thinking; I guess I was too excited.”

We continued to walk along the path, sometimes encountering and battling wild pokčmon, but no others that I might want to try and catch.

Then, as we rounded a bend in the path, a wild eevee leapt out of the bushes and stood right in the middle of the path.

“Battle me!” it said, although I figured that it didn’t know I could understand.

“Sure thing,” I replied, “Go! Blaze!”

Blaze leaped out in front of me, calling out, “Charrrr!!”

“Blaze, use tackle!” I shouted, as Blaze charged at the eevee. As Blaze got close, the eevee jumped out of the way, and used its own headbutt attack which hit Blaze squarely in the side. Although the attack winded him, I could tell that he wasn’t hurt too badly.

“Er,” I said not entirely sure what to do next, “Use scratch while its close!” I yelled, hoping that Blaze wouldn’t miss.

Sure enough, Blaze scored a direct hit on eevee’s back leg with his sharp little claws as it tried to get away from the attack.

The eevee limped away quickly so Blaze couldn't get a chance to scratch it again. It turned and with surprising speed launched a quick attack towards Blaze.

“Blaze, step aside and use scratch again when it gets closer!”
Yet again, Blaze scored a direct hit on the eevee, this time on its face. Purely by accident, the Eevee’s momentum after the quick attack was so much so that, even skidding along, it ran straight into a tree. As the eevee was staggering around, trying to clear its head, I grabbed an empty pokčball from my belt and tossed it at the eevee. The ball rocked as the eevee tried to escape, once, twice, thrice! Then, it was still.

“YES!” I shouted, “I caught my first wild pokčmon! Nice work Blaze!” I said as I let out the eevee.

“You did all the work,” he said modestly, but he was interrupted by a loud wail.

“NOO!!” another pokčmon came running into the clearing, obviously distraught. “After all of the warnings I gave you, you just had to battle someone, didn’t you Kara, and now look what happened! You got caught!” By now I recognized the cream colored, fiery dog that was yelling at Eevee, who was obviously its pup. It was a flareon, the fiery evolution of eevee.
“I'm sorry, mom,” said the eevee in an obviously female voice, “But the only reason I did run off and fight a battle was because you never let me do anything. I have no regrets that I got caught, because now I can get away from you and all of your stupid rules!” The eevee turned to me, “Thank you for capturing me, now, can we go?” it asked.

“Of course,” I said, “But only after you apologize to your mom, and say goodbye.” Eevee glowered, but did as I ordered.

“Sorry mom, see you around,” it said before turning away.

“Thank you,” said the flareon, and as it said this, I heard a sizzling noise. The noise turned out to be flareon’s tears evaporating as they hit her fiery fur.

“No, thank you,” I corrected, “for allowing me to take your daughter.”

“J-just take good care of her,” she said, before turning and bounding off, crying harder than ever.

“Sorry I made you do that, Eevee, but I didn’t want you to have any regrets later, you know what I mean?”

“I know,” said Eevee, “But please do call me Kara. By the way, how did you learn pokčspeech?”

“I’ll explain while we eat lunch,” I said, setting out a picnic blanket that my parents had given me.

After explaining everything to Kara (who had a very good appetite and ate all of her own food plus half of Blaze’s) she said, “Prove it, put away all of the picnic supplies.” I did, resulting in a very happy Kara when I picked her up too.

“Whee!” she cried happily, “I’m flying!”

“Me too,” shouted Blaze, holding his arms up, so I picked them both up and flew them around for a while.

“I can’t wait until I'm a charizard and can do that on my own!” said Blaze, when I set them back down.

“Oh, yeah, that reminds me,” I turned to Kara, “What do you want to evolve into? I know eevees can evolve into jolteon, flareon, vaporeon, espeon, and umbreon, and I was wondering which you liked.”

“I think I like vaporeon, but I guess we’ll see. I don’t want you to have to spend money on me, you know, for a water stone.”

“Don’t worry, Kara, I’ll spend the money if that’s what you want, but for now, I don’t quite think you're ready to do anything other than think about it.”

“Oh,” she said, looking thoughtful before turning and limping towards the path.

“Hey Kara, get back here,” I said, picking her up and floating her back. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a potion, squirting some on both her and Blaze. “There,” I said, before walking out onto the path with both of them walking happily after me.


We walked for another day before anything happened. Kara pointed out that the trees seemed to be thinning slightly, and when we rounded a bend in the trail, the three of us stopped dead, too astounded to speak.

There, before us was the most beautiful lake I had ever seen. The surface of the lake was so still it reflected the trees on the other side.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” said a voice from behind us. We whipped around, ready to fight, but it was only a guy that was perhaps a smidgeon older than me, smiling disarmingly.

“Er, yeah,” I said hesitantly, then, in a much more confident voice, “Who are you?”

“I'm Rick,” he stated simply. “And you are...”

“Miyah, and this Blaze and Kara.”

“Cool,” he grinned devilishly, “fancy a battle?”

“Two on two?” I asked.

“Sure!” he took out two Pokčballs. “Go, Chikorita and Metapod!”

“Go and kick some butt, Blaze and Kara!”

“Metapod, harden up, Chikorita, use a vine whip and throw that eevee for a loop!”

“Kara, avoid the vines and headbutt the metapod! Blaze, tackle the chikorita and then while its stunned try an ember!” I yelled, praying that the ember attack would work; it was our only advantage that could lead to victory.
Kara meanwhile was avoiding one of the long, leafy tendrils that Chikorita was maneuvering about very well until the other one snaked around behind her and grabbed her, hauling her straight up into the air. Chikorita had just started to twirl Kara in circles when Blaze tackled her. Kara was dropped, rather than thrown; therefore she immediately ran up to the metapod and headbutted it, looking at me for more instruction when nothing happened.

“Keep headbutting!” I shouted.

Blaze, while this was happening, was trying to figure out how to use ember as Chikorita tried to regain her wind.

“Imagine yourself doing it Blaze!” I shouted, feeding his words back at him.
Once more, he tried, and succeeded magnificently, burning the Chikorita with a cluster of flamey embers that he spewed from his mouth. To his astonishment, the Chikorita got back up.

“Good job Chikorita!” Rick yelled, “Keep it up! Pick up Metapod and hit that annoying eevee with him!”

Kara stopped headbutting Metapod as it was suddenly picked up by Chicorita’s vines. Chikorita swung Metapod along the ground at a high speed.

“Jump, Kara!” I shouted, and Kara obeyed with alacrity, jumping over the
Metapod, regaining her feet as Chikorita swung Metapod around again.

“Keep jumping!” I shouted, and would have laughed at the strange jump-rope game if I didn’t have more pressing matters on my mind.

“Blaze, burn the vines!”

Timing it just right, Blaze shot out more embers at the swinging metapod, which, although they didn’t really hurt the metapod, snapped the vines holding it. The metapod went sailing through the air majestically, only to be stopped by a tree.

“Metapod, return!” Rick called, as his chikorita drew its vines back in, panting.

“Kara, headbutt, Blaze, use ember while it’s distracted.”

Kara ran towards the seemingly done for Chikorita, excited by her first pokčmon battle and the upcoming win. But the Chikorita had one more trick up her sleeve. It swung its head around and released a razor sharp leaf from off its head, right into Kara’s face. Although Kara fainted, her distraction proved a winner as Blaze caught Chikorita in another devastating ember attack.

Rick and I recalled our fainted Pokčmon at the same time, congratulating each other on the well played battle.

“Good job, Blaze!” I said as I called Kara back out of her pokčball to heal her.

When she came out, she looked utterly depressed.

“Kara,” said Blaze, ever the one to cheer someone up, “You do realize that I
couldn't have won the battle if you hadn’t distracted the Chikorita, right?”

“I know,” she replied, “but I still wish I hadn’t fainted.” She still looked sad.

“I know what will cheer you up!” I said, “A picnic lunch! Want to join us Rick?”

“Sure,” he replied, releasing his three Pokčmon (Chikorita, Metapod and Pikachu) to join in, as the ever hungry eevee perked up.


“So,” I asked Rick while we cleaned up after the picnic, conventionally of course, “How far is it to the nearest town?”

“Only about a half of a day’s journey on the same path you’re traveling on now. The town’s a small one, not on any maps or anything; it’s called Brookdale.”

“Cool,” I said, happy at the idea that we could refresh our supplies and get cleaned up. “Are you headed that way?” I asked him, “You’re welcome to join us if you want.”

“Sure, I guess. I wasn’t originally headed that direction, but its not too far out of the way to escort a pretty trainer like yourself.”

“If you think I’m pretty you must be a cross-eyed politoed!” I replied. I had never been too good with compliments. “So what’s this lake called anyways,” I asked, changing the subject abruptly.

“The Lake of Reflection,” he said, still smiling slightly at my comeback.

“Wow,” I said sarcastically, “I wonder how it got that name?”

“I dunno,” he said, playing along, “maybe some old guy who likes to think a lot named it.”

We broke out into laughter as the two of us and our pokčmon set off towards Brookdale.


***

Well? What do you think? I had to re=space the paragraphs, so if there's a really wierd separation, be sure to point it out... xD I'm pretty sure I got them, but... Heh.

;196; ~Chareon

Libie
25th November 2006, 9:37 PM
ARGH, my computer is so annoying. It didn't lag today, but decided to randomly log me out when I tried to post a reply. *is very close to hitting screen but knows that no computer is worse than slow computer. Marginally*

Okay, right, phew. Firstly, I think some bits sound rushed, as if you're racing to get it done on time. (I can't exactly talk, but I think I only end up with typos/small grammar errors.) For example, the Pokémon Professor isn't named or described, which could be fine if you'd made the dialogue more *tries to think of a synonym for 'descriptive' and fails* descriptive, ie with more personality/character, like with Rick. I know the Professor's only a minor character but it helps to flesh out the story *cringes at saying - been watching too much Torchwood*.

Secondly, I think the main character (Miyah? read story yesterday and forgot destails -_-''') develops her powers AMAZINGLY quickly. I mean, repairing a piggy-bank just when she's discovered her powers? We've all seen how small some bits of shattered pottery/glass can be, right? Unless she's got a male brain (or a rather huge testosterone surge), she wouldn't have anything near the spacial ability to consciously replace the pieces. I understand that it's fiction, but it bugs me. Soz. Oh, and the fact that she can lift an Eevee, I accept, but Charmander too? It'd be like holding them both with one hand, which, to be honest, would be quite heavy. Nevermind flying them around.

Oh, and just a suggestion, but I don't think the elements inside the special people do ANYTHING to their personalities. I mean, for someone who could freeze 'everything around [him] in a twenty foot radius', he seems rather 'normal,' the sort of grandpa that'd lie on the ground yelling at kids that he hasn't had his dose of caffeine (although I'm not quite sure, since he doesn't make too much of an appearance). Either make their personalities really affected (ie make Miyah a bookworm lacking severely in social skills (Aspergers? *been reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time", or whatever it's called*), or her Grandpa really cold and aloof, although 'tis a bit late for that), or polar opposite to their element (ie Grandpa have a really short temper, smoke coming out his nostrils when he's angry). It'd make everything really interesting.

Finally, good points. Yipee!

(1) Big dose of originality. VERY good reason for how she can communicate with Pokémon (she can read their minds. Full stop. Clean and efficient).

(2) Well written, although (yep, more crit *waits for readers to groan*) Miyah appears to be something of a Mary-Sue (Eevee, pretty (?), sympathetic and caring towards her Pokémon and not (yet) showing any bad traits), and I have to tut you for that. *Tuts*

(3) Good character development of Charmander and Eevee! With full background stories and stuff! Although why would Charizard give their young to humans? If they did wouldn't PokéLabs overflow with babies? Expansion on PokéBehaviour = GODLY.

(4) Interesting plot, that newspaper cutting will come back to haunt us, in your own words, I believe ;)

(5) Oh yeah, another point about originality: nice description of the new PokéRegion (yay for words beginning with Poké!). And great stuff with the Legendary *Whatevers*, although I suspect some person somewhere will be mortified at the descriptions of Entei as a dog, Suicune as a wolf and Raikou as a tiger. I usually avoid using them even though I luff Suicune for this reason only. I personally heartily agree *ducks flying vegetables thrown by angry readers* with you, though (apart from Entei. He is SO a lion!), as well as the genders *ducks another volley of assorted fruitables (fruit+vegetables = tomatoes! No, not really, fruitables, I mean)*

(6) Stuff about the Mother is nice, always thought of Mew as a child, but this radically changes my perception. Good interpretation! Although the Mother stuff sort of less impresses me now because of AEON, lol. Still great concept, though ;)

Right, I'll stop now. Hope I haven't forgotten anything!

Chareon
25th November 2006, 10:06 PM
Okay. So, at the moment, I am madly in luff with you, for I thought that this thread would wither and die and sink into the abyss. Thanks for reviewing!

-dances-

Okay, down the business.


Secondly, I think the main character (Miyah? read story yesterday and forgot destails -_-''') develops her powers AMAZINGLY quickly. I mean, repairing a piggy-bank just when she's discovered her powers? We've all seen how small some bits of shattered pottery/glass can be, right?
It's pottery, first of all - it wouldn't be that small, but... Yeah, I can fix that. I'll say when she broke it it like, split into four pieces or something. -mumbles and wanders off to fix-


Oh, and the fact that she can lift an Eevee, I accept, but Charmander too?

And yeah, the point of her throwing pieces of furniture around with telekenisis is to show how their powers come to them in one giant surge, and once they get them, all they have to do is refine them to use them. Also, in a lot of thing that have people with psychic abilities, they can lift themselves, can't they? If Miyah could lift herself, she could definately lift a Charmander, if that gives you more perspective.


Either make their personalities really affected (ie make Miyah a bookworm lacking severely in social skills (Aspergers? *been reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time", or whatever it's called*), or her Grandpa really cold and aloof, although 'tis a bit late for that), or polar opposite to their element
I thought about that when I first started writing the fic, but the position that her grandfather plays in relation to the plot and such is so important that I just couldn't have him be all "cold and aloof". So, if I couldn't do it to him, I couldn't do it to Miyah. -shrugs- It's too late to fix it anyways.


Miyah appears to be something of a Mary-Sue (Eevee, pretty (?), sympathetic and caring towards her Pokémon and not (yet) showing any bad traits), and I have to tut you for that. *Tuts*
Did I really say she was pretty? -can remember, goes off to reread- Meh. Yeah, my cousin warned me about that. I have no idea who this Mary-Sue is that you speak of, but I understand your point. She does have downsides (especially with the charisma thing. you'll see that later), and of course she's caring towards her pokemon! They're her friends! Don't you care about your friends? -tuts at readers who think Miyah is a Mary-Sue thing- So if someone likes pokemon, they are Mary-Sue? That doesn't leave a very broad range of character traits left open... But maybe if someone told me who she was, I'd understand better.


Big dose of originality. VERY good reason for how she can communicate with Pokémon (she can read their minds. Full stop. Clean and efficient).
Thanks muchly! -bows-


(apart from Entei. He is SO a lion!)
Aww, I got that earlier, too. -feels outnumbered- But do you really think I should change those descriptions? One of those Legendaries is quite a major character... -shuts up- Anyways, I think on that account, I'll leave that be. Author's opinion, you know.

Well, thanks again for reviewing. Shall I Pm you for the next chapter? At the moment, my Pm list is down to one... (last revision there was like six O.o) ...so it's okay if you don't want me to.


Good character development of Charmander and Eevee! With full background stories and stuff! Although why would Charizard give their young to humans? If they did wouldn't PokéLabs overflow with babies? Expansion on PokéBehaviour = GODLY.
I forgot this bit. Thank you muchly! I love Kara's personality. -winks- She's funny. Kind of a foil is you know what I mean... xD

Alright, done now. The next chapter is almost done, just got some editing to you. In the meantime, au revoir!

-flies away-

;196; ~Chareon

Libie
25th November 2006, 10:45 PM
Mary-Sues are 'prefect' (ie pretty, intelligent, talented) women. In Pokémon fics, I believe that includes the fact that they possess rare Pokémon as well.

Oh, and that stuff of powers all coming at one is cool. But if they were so powerful (as they should be... no?), wouldn't they overwhelm her, at least? But your explanation makes sense ^_^

Oh, I luff you too. French is so cool. *jumps around the room*

Chareon
2nd December 2006, 2:09 AM
Oh, and that stuff of powers all coming at one is cool. But if they were so powerful (as they should be... no?), wouldn't they overwhelm her, at least? But your explanation makes sense ^_^
Uh huh! They do - that's why she faints!

And thanks for clearing up that dratted Mary-Sue deal for me...


In Pokémon fics, I believe that includes the fact that they possess rare Pokémon as well.
O.o Ooh..... Well, then. People aren't going to like a chapter or so later on if that's the case. BUT. Later on, it is explained why, though, so don't jump to conclusions, all of you (closet or not) readers!


French is so cool.
Juez sue anana! Man, I think my spelling stinks... But pronounce it!

I am a pineapple!

Yay!

shadowlight
5th December 2006, 1:19 AM
I enjoyed this chapter a lot.
I liked how rick hit her pokemon with a metapod.
Kara seems like a good charactor.
I was wondering if you were going to use the 4th gen pokemon.
And if you would use a 4th gen Eeveelution.
Can I please be put on the PM list.
I can't ait for the next chapter.

Chareon
20th December 2006, 2:11 AM
Thanks so much, shadowlight! I've been working on this for so long, that it's nice to have new people read it and comment. On to you questions...


I was wondering if you were going to use the 4th gen pokemon.
And if you would use a 4th gen Eeveelution.
No and no. I started writing this before all of that and will continue without such things. I hope this will not make you falter in your future reading. I can assure you - this is still a good fic without them! xD


Can I please be put on the PM list.
Sure thing!

PM list:
Demy
shadowlight
Chibi Pika
(I added her because she ish mai cuzin and shee haz disapeered so shee wontt notice. Okay, n00b moment over. O.o)

I don't know when the next chapter will be up. What did I say last time? I don't remember. Look at that, it'll probably be the same plus a week. OR. I think I'll post it as a WINTER HOLIDAY present. Yes.

Come back and look for it then.

Chibi Pika
21st December 2006, 3:10 AM
(I added her because she ish mai cuzin and shee haz disapeered so shee wontt notice. Okay, n00b moment over. O.o)
Guess again! *Dives into thread on giant mystic Lugia plushy, narrowly avoiding crashing into it.*
Ha, see? I am improving. xP

For the past few months I've been telling myself "it's only one chapter, I can read and review it tomorrow," only...'tomorrow' never came...
Silverwing;249;: ?Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'll--? *Clobbered.*

*Cough* Anywho!

Ya HAH! Told you people were paranoid about 'sue-ism. *Nods* In fact, if it weren't for the background and character development yada, that same Eevee-catching scene would have been poison in a n00b fic. And yet, only because it's Eevee...? It's weird how things like that work, and I don't even care whether or not a Pokemon is "overused." (I HATE it when people complain about that!)

I still love the battle between Rick and Miyah, although it, like before, feels rough in transition. Like one minute they're talking and the next, battle! I don't mean that it wasn't introduced well, because it was, but... From the time the Pokeballs are opened to the second set of instructions, there's no action, so it still felt like part of the conversation, if that makes sense.


No and no. I started writing this before all of that and will continue without such things. I hope this will not make you falter in your future reading. I can assure you - this is still a good fic without them! xD
Heh, I like your resolve. I'm so flimsy that I ran LC through the meathacker to make it completely 4th gen.
Silverwing;249;: I thought you said you didn't have to change anything.
Er, that is...all the changes were in my head. ^^;


I forgot this bit. Thank you muchly! I love Kara's personality. -winks- She's funny. Kind of a foil is you know what I mean... xD
*Falls on floor laughing at the...um, blunt description of Kara that you told me. xD

Btw, I don't mind being on the PM list. Just clarifying that. ^^; You're on mine, anyway. =P Although mine is sorta unofficial.

So...yeah, uh hurry up with the chappie! Don't be like me! xD


And by the way: Merry Christmas: Clicky (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v607/ChibiPika/PFbanner.jpg)
Silverwing;249;: Christmas isn't until Monday you dolt.
I know, but I can't wait to give it to her, it took so long to make!
Silverwing;249;: By "so long" meaning Chibi was bored this afternoon and needed something to do. >>

Well? Suprised? I wasn't sure what to have as the tagline, so I browsed the prologue and found something simple and concise *coughunlikeminecough*. And...I realize I'm not as good as the banner masters, but it is only my second one.

~Chibi~;249;;448;

Chareon
21st December 2006, 5:16 AM
OH MY GAWD! Thanks so much! -fondles new banner-

It's so pretty...


Guess again!
You know, when I clicked open this thread and spotted that you had posted, I actually shouted "Oh my God!" And then I said it again with my Christmas present! -cuddles-


So...yeah, uh hurry up with the chappie! Don't be like me! xD
If I ever had so long between chapters as you, I'd need to start like 8 more fanfics. But then again... I don't have a job. Neither am I packing anything. /referencetoconnections

xD

Heh. Of course, I write short stories in my spare time, when I should write PoF. -whacks self over head-

So. I'll probably come back here monday... You'll see why... ;]

-flies away on CP's left behind mystical lugia plushie-

Hahaha I stole it from you!

;249; ~Chareon

Chareon
1st January 2007, 11:40 PM
Yeah, so I think this is Chapter 3.

-dashes off to check-

Yup. Okay, here it is! Sorry for the delay. Happy New Year!

Oh, and just a warning? This chapter is cliche, and sappy, and all of those things I don't like. I redid it, but it still isn't my favorite. Ah, well. Tell me what you think!

Rating: Pg13?



Chapter 3



“How much further is it?” asked Clover, Rick’s Chikorita. “We’re way off course you know! It’s almost morning again! You said it would be less than a day!”

“Hush, Chikorita,” responded Rick in Pokčspeech, figuring I couldn't understand, “We’ll be there soon. Besides, we still have a week to get there.”

Chikorita snorted, turning and muttering under her voice to Pikachu.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, remembering my grandpa’s words about not revealing my powers, which included Pokčspeech without studies.

“Don’t you know?” he asked, looking surprised, yet strangely relieved, “You work so well with your Pokčmon; I'm surprised you can’t understand.”

“I understand mine fairly well, just not other people’s. Besides,” I added with a look at Clover, “you don’t seem to get along very well with your Pokčmon even with Pokčspeech.”

“Oh, her? She’s just jealous that you get more attention than she does.”

“Why don’t you tell her the truth?” said Clover harshly in Pokčspeech, “That I'm not actually your Pokčmon and that if it wasn’t my master’s wish I wouldn’t be within ten miles of you!”

“Shut it!” hissed Rick through his teeth (in Pokčspeech of course), “I’m not sure I trust her, and I'm sure you don’t at all. I just want to see her safely through these woods. When she gets to Brookdale and hears about the ‘guardian’ from those superstitious villagers, she won't be coming back this way. We can’t let her discover either of the labs!”

“We should just let the guardian get her!” responded Clover.

“You know the guardian is a fake!” he laughed.

“What's up?” I inserted, feeling wary of my ‘new’ traveling companions, though I did my best not to show it. We had been walking this whole time throughout Rick and Clover’s conversation, and I had just started to feel uncomfortable eavesdropping. Besides, I would be lost without Rick and couldn't risk a confrontation now.

“Clover just has a bit of a stomach ache,” he replied, while the Chikorita attempted a pained face. Knowing what actually occurred, the grimace seemed to be very fake, although I probably would have believed them in other circumstances.

“That sucks,” I said, then, “Where are we?”

I had stopped walking and looked around. We had been traveling through flat woodlands for most of the day before, but the landscape had become increasingly uneven, with more and more valleys, cliffs, and hills. Without Rick, I would have been so lost. As it was, he had led us fairly well, taking the flattest routes and avoiding most of the major obstacles.

“Um,” Rick stopped and looked around. “We’re a bit off course, but if we just walk through this thicket over here...” he turned and walked off the right.

“Wouldn’t it be smarter to go around the thicket?” asked Chikorita incredulously.

“Shouldn’t we go around the thicket?” I asked to save Rick translating.

“No,” he said, “It’s easier to get off course if you don’t go in a straight li—aaaaaaaaaaaahhh...!”

All the pokčmon and I gaped in astonishment at the place where Rick had just disappeared.

“Rick!?” I called out, moving forward to investigate.

“Careful,” said Kara, looking worried.

When I got to the spot where Rick had vanished, there suddenly wasn’t any ground beneath me!

“Eeeeekk!” I screamed, falling off of the edge what appeared to be a cliff, like the ones I had seen around but hadn’t stopped to worry about. Obviously, I should have. All this I thought in the millisecond before I really started to fall. But when gravity took its toll, my only thoughts were to grab on to something, anything... when suddenly, I did. The most wonderful, beautiful, best placed tree root I had ever seen in my life was suddenly in my hands, stopping my descent.

After a moments pause, my head had cleared enough to take in the situation. I was hanging from a tree root coming out of a small ledge about fifty feet down the side of a cliff, with a hundred or so more feet between me and the valley floor below. To my surprise, when I looked down, I could see Rick hanging in the same fashion as I from a tree root about ten feet below me and ten feet to my left.

“A little assistance please?” he called plaintively.

“Hold on,” I said, swinging up onto the ledge. As soon as I had secured myself onto the branch, I desperately tried to use my powers, but to no avail. I opened my pack and started digging around frantically for my rope. I had just gotten my hands on it when I hear a loud CRACK! From below me.

“HURRY!” shouted Rick in a panic as his tree root snapped and he was left suspended from the fraying bark.

I hurriedly pulled out the rope and fastened it to my far more secure tree root. I then threw the rope down to him. Unfortunately, his tree root was about ten feet to the side of me, so the rope didn’t get remotely near him.

“Oh no!” I moaned, quickly pulling the rope back up.

***

All throughout this ordeal, I could hear our Pokčmon’s voices drifting down to us from above, although I tuned them out because there were more pressing matters at hand.

After the first moments of panic before I caught hold of the tree branch, they were discussing how to get us back up.

“Clover, use your Vine Whip!” shouted Pikachu, “We’ve got to get them back up here!”

“Do you seriously think my Vine Whip is that long!?” she said, “I couldn't reach them even if I wanted to!”

“Can anyone evolve into anything useful?” Blaze, ever the sensible one, asked.

“As a Bayleef my vines wouldn’t be any longer,” said Clover; then speaking for the mute Metapod, “And a Butterfree wouldn’t be of much help either, seeing as they can’t lift anything heavier than a toothpick...”

“Raichu?” said Pikachu, “Wouldn’t be any more helpful. Besides, I’d need a thunderstone...”

“If I could skip Charmeleon, Charizard would be helpful, but, seeing as I can't...”

All of the pokčmon turned to look at Kara, an eevee.

“I’d need a stone to evolve,” she said, looking utterly depressed. “Darn it!” she wailed suddenly, “my master’s life depends on me and I can’t do anything!! AARGH!”

Suddenly, she started to glow with a shimmery light, which at first the other Pokčmon contributed to the sun, casting the first rays of dawn onto the ground; before they realized that she was evolving.

“She’s evolving with friendship!” exclaimed Blaze, “she’ll either turn into an Espeon or an Umbreon, depending whether it’s night or day, but with it being like this, she probably gets to choose for herself!”

The Pokčmon gasped as, a few moments later, Kara reappeared into the sun-bathed morning in all the glory of an espeon.

***

I tied the rope around my waist, cinching it as tight as I could before jumping off of my branch. I rappelled down to just about the same height as where Rick was.

“Hold out your hand!” I called as I started swinging back and forth, getting closer and closer to Rick each time. The branch above me swayed and groaned threateningly, but not nearly as loud as Rick’s tree root.

The root he was clinging to had snapped, then frayed, down to its last miniscule fibers. As I swung towards him on my last swing, almost there, the root broke. Rick seemed to hang there, in midair, for an hour, a millisecond, I wasn’t sure. With my last ounce of strength, I dove towards him, reaching out for his outstretched hand as he started to fall...


“Gotcha!” I shouted triumphantly as I caught Rick by the hand. Laughing (somewhat hysterically), I painfully pulled him up to where he could reach the rope. He then proceeded to climb up to the stable tree branch. I climbed up after him, and when I got close to the top, he reached down and offered me his hand. He pulled me up, and we sat there on the small ledge, where I wrapped my arms around him so he would not fall again. I had the rope, so I had no thoughts for my own safety. We were just grateful to be alive.

After a few minutes of just enjoying life (and the wonderful view), Rick turned to me. “You saved me!” he said, with awe in his voice, “Thank you.”

“I-it was nothing,” I said, faltering as I realized how close he was and how deeply grateful he was. I hadn’t even meant to do it, or thought about doing it, it had just happened.

“But it was something! I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you,” he said looking into my eyes, “Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?” he asked.

“Um, yeah, I-I'm pretty sure...”

“Miyah!”

We both started and looked up. It was Blaze. “We have a way to get you up!” he shouted, grinning slightly, thinking that he’d interrupted.

“What's that?” I called.

“Kara,” he said simply as a dainty purple cat-like face peeked over the edge of the abyss. With long, silky ears and long, elegant whiskers, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

“Oh, wow,” I whispered softly to myself, then I shouted up, “Kara, I'm glad you evolved and all, but you still can’t use Psychic or anything helpful like that. You aren’t a high enough level.”

“Oh, really?” she said, sounding amused. Even her voice was different, more of a tinkley sound rather than rough like it was. “You never scanned me into your Pokčdex, Miyah, how would you have any idea what level I am?”

She was right; I never did scan her in. “What level are you then?”

“You'll just have to fly up here and find out!” she said as her eyes started to glow blue. Suddenly, we were both lifted up into the air, as if there was no more gravity in the space around us. Pulling a pocketknife out of my pack, I severed the rope and we drifted freely upwards to come to rest on the patch of clear ground the Pokčmon had found not too far away from the edge of the cliff. As soon as she released us, I pulled out my Pokčdex and scanned her ball into it.

“Twenty-four!” I exclaimed, “How, how...”

“When Pokčmon evolve, they gain ten levels,” she explained.

“But Blaze is only five!”

“Twelve,” coughed Blaze, shooting an odd look at Kara.

“Oh!” I was astonished. I never thought Pokčmon could gain levels so fast.

“I need to go home...” said Rick suddenly. “I almost died back there. Miyah, the trail is due east, you can’t miss it.” He recalled his Pokčmon, standing there awkwardly, shaking like a leaf. “I really want to repay you, but... Well, I’ll do it later. I guess I’ll see you around!”

He turned and started to walk away, but then he stopped. He turned, walked back and threw his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks again for saving me,” he said, winking, “That should go towards paying you back.” And with that, he was gone.

***

Blaze giggled. “Shut it,” I said blushing.

“But it’s so funny,” said Kara, giggling as well.

“Miyah’s got a boyfriend,” they both chanted, squealing as I started chasing them along the path. “When I catch up to you guys, I swear I’ll bash both of your heads together,” I yelled, but then even I started laughing as Blaze tripped over a tree root, skidding along the ground, with the ‘graceful’ espeon crashing full on into his backside.

“HA!” I shouted, tackling them both in one pounce, getting grass stains all down my front, not to mention a mouthful of dirt.

“Is that any way for a young lady to be acting in the Mayor of Brookdale’s back yard?”

The three of us froze, looking to see where the voice had come from.

An old man, perhaps seventy-five years old or so was standing nearby. He wore a dapper grey suit with quite a clashing tie (yellow with red polka dots). Overall, he wasn’t too much taller than I was. Despite his stern tone of voice, he had a smile on his wrinkly face, his eyes crinkled under his thick glasses.

I got up, dusting myself off (spitting out some dirt and grass blades too) before apologizing, “Sorry, sir, I didn’t realized the trail ended. I don’t normally tackle my pokčmon on people’s back lawns.”

“Don’t worry, it happens all the time,” he said reassuringly. “Wait,” he said, realizing his mistake as Blaze, Kara and I started giggling. “I don’t normally have people tackling pokčmon on my back lawn, but people walk right into my backyard all the time.”

“Oh,” I said, still laughing slightly.

“Here, you look like you’ve been traveling for a while. Why don’t you come into my house and freshen up? I don’t normally have visitors, but I love it when I do,” he said, gesturing for us to follow before turning and walking off.

“Sure,” I said without hesitating.

Blaze gave me a stern look. “Seriously, you are way too trusting.”

“He seems nice enough,” I said, following him.

Blaze rolled his eyes before following Kara (who was also quite trusting) and I after the man.

To our surprise, the man led us right into the adjoining house. “Oh,” I exclaimed, surprised, “You’re the mayor!”

“Nice, Miyah,” said Kara sarcastically, waving her long forked tail in amusement.

“Heh,” I said, laughing at my own stupidity.

As soon as we had entered the house, a mouthwatering aroma greeted our noses. “Mmm... What’s that smell?” I asked.

“I bet you’re hungry. It’s mushroom pizza, do you want some?”

“Yes, please!” the three of us chorused at the same time.

***

“So,” asked the mayor, watching us stuff ourselves, (he had already eaten) “What brings you into our neck of the wood?”

“Well,” I said, after a considerable amount of chewing to finish my bite enough to speak, “It was my birthday, and my friend Jaymi brought out her Murkrow and I went berserk and my grandpa told me I had this special power...” I randomly decided to spill my guts to a perfect stranger, (much to Blaze’s dismay) but to his surprise, the Mayor quite understood.

“And you clearly overheard the boy say that the guardian is a fake?” he asked.

“Of course,” I affirmed before starting to stuff my face again.

“You see,” he said, explaining everything, “there are two labs around here, and both work on the same thing; genetics. Ever since I can remember, they have been rivals, racing each other to come up with the better ideas first. I read the article you mentioned; as soon as it came out, people flocked from all over to see if they could be merged with Pokčmon. No one fit the right description until one boy came along. Soon after, both of the labs refused visitors, as they were too delighted with the discovery of the boy to deal with anyone else. To discourage anyone who might try to spy on them, the two labs joined together for the first time in centuries and selected a guardian. The guardian’s job was to keep all travelers off of the path leading to the labs, and to keep the rivals away from each other.”

“So both of the labs got to share the boy?” I asked.

“No,” said the mayor, “The lab known as Lab-S got the boy, the other lab, Lab-that-isn’t-S, were only kept happy because of some top-secret information the boy imparted on them as an ‘I'm sorry for choosing the other lab’ sort-of-thing.”

“What did the ‘S’ stand for?” I asked, smiling slightly at the name of the other lab.

“Scyther, the pokčmon the boy merged with.”

“Oh.” I said, before asking, “What was the ‘top-secret’ information?”

“That there are two other people out there who could definitely qualify to be merged with other pokčmon.”

“That makes sense!” I exclaimed, “My grandfather told me that there were three unrelated embryos that started off with the power. If the powers kept to each line descending from those people, that means I’m one of the other ones!!”

***

This chapter kinda De-Mary-Sueifies Miyah, or at least it's supposed to. She's not the smartest grape in the bunch, just impulsive.

So. Um. Let me know what you think!

Chibi Pika
20th February 2007, 11:43 PM
*Walks into thread, due to lack of plushie.*

This is gonna be a short review cause I can't think of much to say. But then, my reviews aren't ususally very substantial when you consider that it's mostly Silverwing blabbing.
Silverwing;249;: It's not my fault that you say stupid things I have to comment on.

One thing I definately noticed was how much better the cliff scene was. The parts leading up to it helped smooth things over and make it less random.

I also liked the lab explanation and how Miyah's line on the end was changed ever so slightly to clarify that she descended from one of them. (I still love the name "the-lab-that-isn't-S" it's just fun to say. xD

Darn...I can't remember enough about the original to effectively comapre it to the revision...oh well.

*Steals back plushy and flies off.*

~Chibi~;249;;448;

Chareon
25th February 2007, 10:05 PM
Yay!
-claps for review-
That's okay if it's short, I really don't mind.
Actually, I'm debating on putting spelling mistakes in on purpose, so people have reasons to review! xD

ANYWAYS.


One thing I definately noticed was how much better the cliff scene was. The parts leading up to it helped smooth things over and make it less random.

I'm SO glad about that. -wipes forehead- ...I tried so hard to make sure it wasn't...


I also liked the lab explanation and how Miyah's line on the end was changed ever so slightly to clarify that she descended from one of them. (I still love the name "the-lab-that-isn't-S" it's just fun to say. xD
-grins- Yeah, the name's definitely in there for comic relief. So is Scrap. But... -looks around- Oops. SAY NO MORE.

Here is the next chapter, I'm too lazy to wait to post it.


Chapter 4


I woke up the next morning to the sounds of the Tailows chirping and the Pidgeys cooing. Soft morning sunlight streamed in through the window of the spare bedroom the mayor had lent us for the night. I yawned and stretched, lying down, too comfy to get up. With my movement, Kara also awoke. She had been sleeping curled up at the foot of the bed, and now she stretched as well. Standing up, she stretched, daintily and gracefully, fore and aft.

Finally done, she turned to me. “Good morning!” she exclaimed brightly.

“Same to you!” I said, grabbing Blaze’s Pokčball off of the bedside table, releasing him from within.

“Gah, stupid tail flame!” he said grumpily, emerging in a flash of blue light, “I wish I could sleep on the bed like you, Kara!”

“Isn't it comfy inside the Pokčball, Blaze?” I asked, always figuring Pokčmon didn’t mind them.

“Not as comfortable as that bed looks,” he said longingly.

“It’s like suspended reality,” Kara explained, “you remember coming in, then you come out as if no time passed, healed to whatever degree depending on how long you ‘slept’.”

“Oh,” I replied, just as a knock sounded at the bedroom door.

“Come in!” I called.

“Ah, I see you’re all awake,” said the mayor, walking in. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, wonderfully,” I answered gratefully as Blaze snorted.

“Great,” he said, smiling. “I'm guessing you'll want to stock up on supplies before you set off for the labs? There’s a great Mart down the street that’s got everything you'll need. I’m just warning you though; it might be a little bit crowded, with it being Sunday and all.”

“Thank you,” I said, getting up out of bed as he smiled and walked away.

“So you are going to one of the labs then?” asked Blaze.

“Yes, if you guys don’t mind that is,” I answered.

“So you’re going to try to merge with Kara then?” he asked, catching me completely off guard.

“Um,” I looked at him uncomfortably. “I never really thought of that.”

“Well, it makes sense now that Kara evolved and all. She’s Psychic now too. Of course,” he said, looking at Kara, “if you had any objections, then...”

“Blaze,” said Kara, “you know I wouldn’t. It’s you who might!”

“Why would I?” he asked incredulously.

I now realized where Kara was heading with this.

“Well,” said Kara hesitantly, “you were her first pokčmon and I was hoping you wouldn’t feel jealous or left out or anything...”

“I...” Blaze cut himself off and paused for a moment. “I’ll be fine. I know you weren’t thinking of this when you evolved, Kara, and I know that I will be able to continue to be Miyah’s friend and companion no matter what happens.”



After a hearty breakfast (pancakes), the three of us meandered down the road to the Mart. As soon as we walked through the sliding doors, the number of people there stunned us in such a small town.

“The whole village is here, huh?” said Blaze.

“Looks like it,” I said, raising my voice slowly over the hubbub.

“What’s on the list?” asked Kara. “We are getting some of those squishy white thing-a-ma-bobbers, right?”

“You mean the marshmallows? Of course, they’re on there. You’ve been badgering me to get more since we ran out two days ago.”

“Good,” said Kara, a look of rapture in her eyes.

“We aren’t going to last long in the woods on just marshmallow, Kara,” said Blaze, slightly accusingly. “We need things slightly more substantial.”

“Like what?” Kara replied as I grabbed a shopping cart. “Just because you burn the marshmallows into ashes before eating them doesn’t mean they aren’t yummy. I bet you can’t even taste them!”

“We charmanders always like our food well done. You barely even get it warm!”

“Guys, guys, rather than arguing over how to properly roast a marshmallow, let’s go restock on supplies, okay?” I turned and walked off, pushing the cart in front of me. Blaze and Kara shot each other quizzical looks before turning and following suit. After making an exaggerated show of not seeing the marshmallows (over which Kara started to get frantic because she couldn’t reach), I proceeded to grab some staple foods, along with matches, water, evaporated milk, toothpaste, a brush for Kara’s silky fur, and some ointment to keep Blaze’s scales from getting flakey.

“Anything else?” I asked, checking the list. “I think that’s all.”

“No,” said Blaze thoughtfully, “that’s not all. You ought to get yourself something special. You already got Kara and me something, so why not treat yourself?” He gestured to the brush and ointment.

“Ooh, yes, great idea Blaze! Get something cool, Miyah!” Kara bounced up and down in quite an unseemly way for an Espeon.

“Hmm, okay, I guess I could do that, if you guys insist. But what should I get?” I looked around thoughtfully. My eyes came to rest on a display of reading material.

“Hey, you know what? I had forgotten, the next book in the series I like just came out...” I wandered over and started looking through the books.

“What is it called?” asked Kara curiously.

“Umm, let’s see, I thing the last one was number twenty or so, called The Prophesy... no wait, the last one was called The Revival...”

“Yes, but what is this one called?” Kara asked impatiently.

I strained my memory, trying to remember. Finally, it came to me. “The Guardian!”

Suddenly, the silence was absolute. The ruckus of everyone doing their Sunday shopping of half of a second before was gone. All of the shoppers had stopped in their tracks, looking at me with a sudden fear in their eyes.

“What did you say?” asked the clerk in a hushed voice.

“Er, The Guardian? Do you have that book? It’s supposed to be quite go...”

“Shh!” said a man standing near me, while a woman nearby covered her young daughter’s ears. Realization suddenly dawned on me.

“What’s wrong with me saying guardian?”

“DON’T say it!” said the man who had shushed me previously, his eyes widening in fear. “They say he has ears everywhere, the sound of that word draws his attention, spies, spies, he’ll kill our young ones!!” The man’s eyes now had a maniacal glint to them. “Leave, leave our town! Don’t come back! Maybe he’ll just take you. Maybe he’ll spare us over this sacrifice! SACRIFICE!” He screamed, spittle flying out of his mouth as he pointed a shaking finger at me.

I suddenly began to be afraid as I noticed that most of the other villagers looked like they agreed with him, the same maniacal look in their eyes. “Can’t I just finish buying my stuff first?” I asked warily. “I’m just about to leave anyways...”

I started as I heard the clerk’s voice in my ear, “Just take the stuff, leave. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Leave the cart at the second turn in the path in the woods, I’ll get it later.”

He had scarcely finished speaking when Kara, Blaze and I were out the door, the shopping cart making a loud, clattering noise over the cobblestones as we sprinted away like mad creatures, out of the fear-tainted town.

Chibi Pika
5th March 2007, 7:52 PM
Short chappie. Yet definately one of the most hilarious of them. xD

“Umm, let’s see, I think the last one was number twenty or so, called The Prophesy... no wait, the last one was called The Revival...”
Typo. Only error I caught.

Actually, I'm debating on putting spelling mistakes in on purpose, so people have reasons to review! xD
XDDDDDD That is the most hilarious ploy to get readers i have ever heard.


“Guys, guys, rather than arguing over how to properly roast a marshmallow, let’s go restock on supplies, okay?” I turned and walked off, pushing the cart in front of me. Blaze and Kara shot each other quizzical looks before turning and following suit. After making an exaggerated show of not seeing the marshmallows (over which Kara started to get frantic because she couldn’t reach), I proceeded to grab some staple foods, along with matches, water, evaporated milk, toothpaste, a brush for Kara’s silky fur, and some ointment to keep Blaze’s scales from getting flakey.
xDDD Was the "exaggerated show" line in the original? Cause if so, then I can't remember it, while it definitely caught my attention this time. xP I can see it now...
Miyah: "Where oh where are the marshmallows? I sure wish I could find them, but if not, then I guess we can go without them."

I strained my memory, trying to remember. Finally, it came to me. “The Guardian!”

Suddenly, the silence was absolute. The ruckus of everyone doing their Sunday shopping of half of a second before was gone. All of the shoppers had stopped in their tracks, looking at me with a sudden fear in their eyes.

“What did you say?” asked the clerk in a hushed voice.

“Er, The Guardian? Do you have that book? It’s supposed to be quite go...”
You know I always loved that part. xD Especially the confused/naive sort of feel to Miyah's last line.

“DON’T say it!” said the man who had shushed me previously, his eyes widening in fear. “They say he has ears everywhere, the sound of that word draws his attention, spies, spies, he’ll kill our young ones!!” The man’s eyes now had a maniacal glint to them. “Leave, leave our town! Don’t come back! Maybe he’ll just take you. Maybe he’ll spare us over this sacrifice! SACRIFICE!” He screamed, spittle flying out of his mouth as he pointed a shaking finger at me.
He sounds like some sort of ancient tribal spirit-banisher, or something. XDDD


And augh!!! I wondered on Friday if I had forgotten if it was Wednesday, but then I couldn't get on over the weekend, so then I had to check today, but now it is Monday, you see??? *_*
Zion;157;: What in the hell are you babbling about Chibi? >>;

Argh! *dies*
ZOMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111one 8P

*Sneaks in really quick and hides life-size plushies of Blaze, Kara, Scrap, and Cael in various parts of your room.*

And so what has this review proved?
Silverwing;249;: That you laugh too easily?
Zion;157;: That you're a moron.
NO. >>

I love Chapter 4. =3

~Chibi~;249;;448;

Chareon
1st August 2007, 7:01 PM
HOKAY.
So. In case anyone was wondering, (doubtful, at best) I have not posted on here for quite some time due to several reasons, the first and foremost of which being the most annoying. Serebii is just not working for me. The site's lag is so bad that it takes 10 minutes for the page to load, and that's only when it works. So I'm taking advantage of this lil moment of fastness to post and say that as soon as my computer is fixed, (hopefully the hard drive is okay) the one with PoF on it, I will be posting like mad, reviews or no.

MMKAYTHANKSBYE.
;196; ~Chareon

SapphireRose
2nd August 2007, 10:11 PM
Don't worry, Serebii isn't working for me either...*grumbles because Serebii forums are favorite site on computer*
As for your fic, one word: "WOW!" This is the kind of fic I always wanted to write, but I just can't seem to make it work. You have just written the best fic I have read here so far. I can't get over how well put together it is, how descriptive it is, and how, how...*moseys over to thesaurus looking for proper adjective*
Literally no mistakes, no grammar "issues", perfect plot...*rambles on and on about how more fics need this kind of quality*
Anyway, you got me hooked and now I must continue reading. Nice title, BTW...
Can I be on the PM list, please?
Keep on truckin'!

myu_2
12th August 2007, 4:20 PM
sweet fic. you know my charizard's name is blaze =D

*givescookie*

Chareon
21st September 2007, 5:54 AM
-stumbles into thread like a weary desert nomad-
-eats cookie-

HOKAY. In case anyone was really wanting to hear my excuses, though to me they are mere reasons and to you they are b.s., here goes:

I just got PoF off of my hard drive, finally, thanks to a wonderful physics teacher who is working on fixing it completely, though with not much success yet.
Secondly, the obvious lack of a working computer has left me without the tools to keep writing. Fortunately, I'm far enough ahead of myself on my lovely Price of Freedom that there's no need to panic. ^.^

So, without further ado...
-rolls back red curtains-

CHAPTER... aw crap... -forgets chapter number-
-scurries off to check-
FIVE. YES, FIVE.

Rating: Five stars, as usual. Ahem. No, really, it's about PG 13 because it has a very yummy battle and a bit of hatred. You'll love it. ^.^


Chapter 5




Finally, we slowed down, panting hoarsely after our run.

“Any idea where the second turn in the path was, guys?” I asked, looking around. We were still on a trail, a dirt trail, a little like the one we had taken to get into Brookdale, although this one was much less trodden upon. The noon sun spilled through the canopy, creating waterfalls of sweltering heat.

“I dunno,” said Blaze. “I forgot to count them. If I had to make a guess though, I’d say we passed it already.”

Kara hopped up into the shopping cart, landing in the part where you put little kids, and began grooming her face. “Yuck, I'm all sweaty! Don’t worry guys, we haven’t gotten there yet.”

Blaze gave her a curious look. “And how exactly do you know that?”

“I’m psychic. Of course I know.” Kara looked primly down at Blaze from her perch in the cart’s basket.

“Well, it doesn’t really matter how she knows, Blaze, as long as she does. Here, let’s pack away all of this stuff.” The three of us stuffed all of the cans and things into my backpack. “Uff!” I said as I hoisted it up onto my back. “This is heavy!”

“Sorry I can’t help, Miyah,” said Blaze.

“It’s okay, it’s not that bad. About half as light as my school backpack was!” I joked. “And if you really want to help, the two of you can push the cart!”

We continued walking, me, trudging along with the heavy backpack, Kara and Blaze both pushing the cart by the bar at the very bottom. The clattering of the cart broke the stillness of the forest. I looked over at it, worried.

“I bet every creature in the entire forest can hear that. I hope we can drop it off soon.”

“You’re worried about the guardian, huh?” asked Blaze perceptively.

“A little,” I admitted. “Even though Rick said the guardian was a fake, what if we can't get past him? Then what will we do?”

“We’ll try again later, when we’re even stronger, that’s what we’ll do. Don’t worry Miyah, we’ll do our best.” Kara nodded fervently in agreement to Blaze’s statement.

“All right,” I said, shaking off my fears, “Let's keep moving.”

We dropped off the cart in the woods as the path made a second turn, altering its course more westward. We followed the trail, glad to be rid of the noisy cart, but slightly unnerved at the stillness of this part of the forest. The sounds of our feet made crunching noises on the dead leaves that littered the ground, while there was an occasional ping of Blaze’s claws striking a rock. The canopy above us became thicker as we continued northwest, with only occasional patches of sunlight to be seen, pillars of light holding up the leafy canopy.

Finally, we came to the edge of a clearing in the trees, a lake of sunlight amidst the shade.

“Can we eat, please? Lunchtime was three hours ago!” I could hear Kara’s stomach gurgle, reminding me that I was hungry too.

“Sorry, Kara, since you weren’t complaining as usual, I figured you weren’t hungry yet. Sure, we can eat.” I smiled as the irrepressible Kara bounded into the center of the clearing, stopping near a nice sized rock.

“Here, we can use this as a table!”

“Cool!” I walked into the clearing, with Blaze following close behind me. When I reached the rock, I set down the pack with a groan, rolling my shoulders to relieve the ache. Almost as an echo of my groan, a hugely magnified growl shook the clearing around us, shattering the tranquility of the dell.

“WHO DARES AWAKEN THE WRATH OF THE GUARDIAN!?” The sound seemed to coming from all around us.

My eyes widened with fright, and I could feel my pulse quickening. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Kara shaking freeze. Gathering up my courage, I shouted, “Uh, Mr. Guardian sir, we just um, wanted to get to the labs. Is that all right? Please?”

“NONE SHALL PASS!”

As the next rumbling proclamation occurred, I noticed that Blaze was no longer behind me. Looking around, I saw him creeping out of the clearing towards a large oak tree. When he saw my puzzled glance, he held a clawed finger to his lips and winked. My fear dissipated immediately. Understanding that he wanted me to distract the guardian, I turned back and shouted, “Well, that’s just great, Mr. Guardian dude, because to answer your first question, my name is None. May I go now?”

As I watched, Blaze reached the tree and started scaling it. As he reached the lowest branch, he reached into the leafy foliage and pulled out a small black box with cords hanging out of it. As the guardian shouted again, I realized it was a speaker!

“NO!!” Blaze winced and rubbed his ear, or the place where his ear should be, considering his apparent lack of appendages. Frantically, I gestured to him that he should pull the cord out. He shook his head and hopped out of the tree, still holding the speaker. Then, he started following the cord, signaling me to follow. With Kara following behind me, I crept after him, out of the clearing and towards a thicket of tall bushes. Blaze grinned at me, exposing his small pointed canines. I mimed us jumping into the clearing and started counting down on my fingers: three, two... one! We leapt into the thicket, shouting, only to stop in surprise at whom we saw there.

“How... what... why...?” I stuttered, shocked. Blaze and Kara looked as shocked as I felt.

Looking slightly ridiculous sitting in a swivel chair at a desk with a computer and stereo equipment on it in the middle of a forest was the Mayor. He cursed loudly when he saw us, leaping up from his chair, sending it rolling to the edge of the concrete slab that the small sound studio was sitting on.

“You’re the guardian?” I asked incredulously.

“Did you listen to anything I told you? I’m a fake! A fake! The point of all of this scam is to keep people away from the labs!”

“Well, you know why we want to go there, and I'm sure we’d be welcomed at the labs. Aren’t I exactly what they’ve been looking for this whole time?” I queried.

“Well, you see, there’s a problem. Lab-that-isn’t-S wants you, but Lab-S doesn’t want Lab-that-isn’t-S to have you. I just so happen to get paid more by Lab-S, a little bonus if I can keep people like you away from Lab-that-isn’t-S... So you see, I just can’t let you pass.” The light of greed danced in his eyes, so different from what I remembered of him before.

“And how’s that? And old geezer like you couldn’t stop all three of us!” Blaze clenched his paw into a fist in from of him, his threatening pose conveying his meaning perfectly, even if the Mayor couldn't understand.

Surprisingly enough, he could. “I think it’s more like three on three!” He reached down and opened a drawer to his desk, and as he did, I could hear a rolling sound. He reached in and pulled out two Pokčballs, shouting, “Go, Bayleef, Houndoom!”

In twin flashes of light, a green, leafy dinosaur popped out, the evolved form of a chikorita, the main difference being size; and a large, dog-like Pokčmon. It was black, with a tan muzzle and belly flattering its pelt. The most shocking part of its form was the twin horns sprouting from the top of his head, in place of its ears. Matching off-white bands striped its back, like ribs. It also had a necklace type bone coming around the back of its neck, meeting in the center of its chest with a skull, which complimented the double bone bracelets on each of its four paws.

I felt a familiar rage in my stomach, like when I had first seen murkrow, I closed my eyes, hoping not to go berserk, but surprisingly, nothing happened. I remembered that Grandpa had said it only happened if the pokčmon’s level was lower than mine was, so I inferred it was a rather high-leveled pokčmon.

The houndoom looked around, slowly acquiring a morose look as it took in its surroundings, putting its spaded tail between its legs as it saw the Mayor, whimpering. “Shut up, pathetic thing!” snapped the Mayor, kicking out at it harshly.

It leaped back, yelping, barely avoiding the tip of his boot. The bayleef looked at him scornfully, saying, “I agree!” in a voice I recognized with a jolt, though it was deeper than I remembered.

“Clover!? It’s you! Where’s Rick?” Kara looked up at me, shocked, before turning to scrutinize the bayleef, looking more and more surprised when she began to recognize her.

“He returned me to my real owner, thankfully. Although, he was an unpleasant surprise when I returned.” She nodded her leaf topped head towards the houndoom.

“Oh, so that’s who you guys were talking about that one day! The Mayor is your owner?”

“You can understand me? You know Pokčspeech?” Clover looked scandalized. She cursed. “You heard all that about the guardian? And that’s why you’re here, to see if it’s true?”

“Not exactly, Clover,” said the Mayor, “but I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to explain after we kick their butts! Houndoom, use Shadow ball on that espeon!”

I belatedly remembered that espeons were at huge disadvantages to dark type houndooms. Kara obviously had known that from the start, for she immediately looked to me for instructions. “Um, Kara, use Reflect, Blaze, get behind it too.”

The houndoom meanwhile rose its muzzle to the sky, letting loose an ear-splitting howl as an orb of darkness formed over his snout. His howl trailed off, and he brought the sphere down, aimed for Kara and spat it towards her.

The pulsating black globe floated towards her like a dandelion seed while she concentrated her powers and created an invisible glass-like wall about four feet in front of her.

Blaze meanwhile hadn’t gotten behind the shield. He looked at me, panicked. Quickly he ran towards Kara. The shadow ball had just reached the shield and rather than being deflected as I thought it would, it floated right through. “Kara, dodge it!”

Kara stepped a few feet to the side as if to let it float past, but it altered course and continued drifting towards her. By now, I had panicked as well, completely out of my realm. Clover was lying on the ground nearby, rolling around and laughing fit to burst at our attempts.

The ball was about to hit Kara when Blaze jumped in front of her, his back to Houndoom and pushed her away, taking the attack in the back for her. I watched him convulse, horror registering on Kara’s face as she realized he was taking this for her. “Blaze! NO!” I yelled, distraught. He shrieked in pain as the darkness ate away at him.

Suddenly though, a bright light seemed to radiate from within him, causing the blackness to shrivel away into wisps of smoke.

“Wha...?” Then I realized what was happening as his form, now completely engulfed in light, grew larger. The light faded, revealing my new charmeleon.

Now he was about three feet high, with bigger claws and teeth than he used to have. His large expressive charmander eyes had been replaced with smaller and more angular ones, giving him a perpetually angry look. He also had a new horn sprouting on the back of his head, the same burnt orange color as the rest of him.

“Oh,” I said in wonder, as he looked at me and said, “Now I can carry the backpack!” His eyes radiated pride before he closed them and fell over in a faint. “Blaze, return.” His new charmeleon body dematerialized as I wondered what to do. Kara wasn’t going to last long with the houndoom there, and my only hope had just blacked out.

Suddenly, the bushes to my left rustled and a small teal and cream colored figure bounded out in front of me and started speaking to me, so fast I couldn’t understand it. “Wait, wait, speak more slowly please! I can’t understand you!” I said, quite loudly to make myself heard over its jabbering.

“Oh, sorry sorry didn’t mean it just wanted to fight for you gotta get that houndoom. Ooh, gotta get’im gotta git’im he killed my little brother he did, killed him dead dead as a doornail, didn’t even think twice oh no please please lemme fight?” This was still delivered at a blistering speed, but it was at least understandable. The little quilava looked up at me, his burgundy eyes begging me as he clasped his ferrety paws in front of him.

I looked to Kara, and she nodded vigorously, realizing we desperately needed the help. I turned back to the quilava. “If you want to, go right ahead!”

The quilava squealed in happiness, jabbering a bunch of what I guessed were ‘thank you’s’ as he bounded out onto the battlefield, loathing in his eyes as he looked at the houndoom. He stomped his foot and fire suddenly flared up like quills on top of his head and on his rump.

“Er, Kara, use Psychic on Clover, Quilava, use, um...” I realized I didn’t know any of his moves but I could only hope he had what I read he should have. “Use Dig on Houndoom!”

Kara’s eyes glowed blue as Quilava jumped up and dove into the earth as if it were water. The bayleef, who had probably broken a rib from laughing so hard earlier, was lifted into the air, the spectrum around her going blue. She thrashed about, yelling. Meanwhile, Houndoom was looking uneasy, looking at the ground to see where Quilava had went.

Quilava popped up out of the ground and up into the air. “Flamethrower!” I called, as Quilava heard and let loose a stream of fire from his mouth, which engulfed the houndoom from behind. He yelped as the flames washed over him in waves of burning pain. The acrid stench of burnt fur reached my nose as Quilava dove back underground. “Keep doing that, Quilava!” I called as I redirected my attention to Kara and Clover.

Kara was bashing the Bayleef against a tree with Psychic while doing an odd tap dace to avoid the razor sharp leaves Clover was hurling at her from her head-leaf at high speeds. “Bash her against the ground too!” I encouraged. I looked at Kara, and realized that her eyes were blazing with something more than just the blue that accompanies a Psychic attack. Loathing was etched onto her features, contorted into a snarl of hatred, directed at Clover. I briefly wondered why before I realized that not all was going according to plan in Quilava’s half of the battle.

Instead of continuing to wear down at Houndoom as I had directed, Quilava had jumped out of the ground right in front of Houndoom and giving him a piece of his mind. He was speaking too fast for me to understand, but Houndoom obviously did, by the look of horror on his face. He looked like he was on the verge of apologizing when the Mayor shouted, “Use Flamethrower!” With a look of the purest regret, he took a deep breath and (“Quilava, you too!” I shouted) blasted a torrent of flames towards Quilava who responded with his own version. The twin streams of flame met between them, spewing out sideways as they connected in the middle. Kara foresaw this, and, dropping the long since unconscious Clover, set up another Reflect.

Quilava and Houndoom continued to fight it out, the place where the two flamethrowers met fluctuating back and forth, as one or the other renewed their efforts. “You can do it Quilava!” I cried, willing him to push himself just a little bit harder...

The flames coming from Quilava’s mouth suddenly widened and shot towards Houndoom’s now wimpy looking Flamethrower, pushing it back, slowly at first, then faster and faster until it engulfed Houndoom, throwing him backwards, end over end where he smacked into a tree and the flames cut around either side before slowly reducing in strength. Houndoom slowly slid down the tree, flopping limply on the ground at his master’s feet.

“Stupid dog! Stupid, stupid thing, and to think I spent so much time training you! Take that, and that!” The Mayor kicked the already half dead Houndoom, viciously, over and over again. “Worthless fool!” he half screamed, spittle flying from his mouth in his rage.

“Stop, stop it, please, it’s not his fault!” I cried, but the mayor kept on kicking. I snapped. I ran over to them, pushing to old man with all the strength I had, causing him to fall back and crack his head painfully on the tree. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around the houndoom, comforting it. “Oh, poor baby, my poor baby, are you okay?” I cradled his head on my lap and glared up at the Mayor accusingly. He took the Pokčball out of his pocket, throwing it on the ground and stomping on it furiously, breaking it.

“Worthless scum!” he spat before recalling the half savaged Bayleef and storming off in the direction of Brookdale.



I gathered up the pokčmon, all of them fainted except for Kara, and healed them all. Blaze’s damage was immaterial, but it still needed a potion to fix it, Quilava was just exhausted, and Kara’s feet were cut up. Houndoom took two potions and some salve made for burns to fix, but he turned out okay, except for being mentally scarred from being beaten. At first, Quilava wouldn’t even sit next to Houndoom, but then, after he apologized, Quilava and he eventually fell into a deep discussion about the pros and cons of being fire type. Kara’s bond with Blaze seemed to have strengthened as well, I thought, they rarely left each other’s sides while I was setting up camp for the night. I filled in Quilava and Houndoom about our adventures so far. It was unanimous that we should rest up before Kara, Blaze and I set off for the lab the next day.

“Hey Kara! I’ve got marshmallows!” I called as I got the fire going. “Kara?”

“Huh? Oh, coming!” Kara bounded up, followed by the rest of them. I handed them all sticks that I had previously cleaned and put marshmallows on, except Houndoom and Kara, for whom I put them into their mouths to wield.

Blaze and Kara rediscovered their squabble over how to cook the marshmallows and were arguing happily, but Houndoom and Quilava were both just sitting morosely, gazing into the fire, their marshmallows untouched. “What’s wrong, Quilava, Houndoom?”

“Please call me Scrap,” said Quilava, looking up.

“Please call me anything but Houndoom!” said Houndoom pleadingly. “That’s what the... he called me. Anything else will do, just not that.”

“Hmm...” I thought for a second. “I'll call you Cael.” I had remembered my Latin lessons. I had thought of calling him Umbra, or shadow, but people would just think I was talking about an Umbreon, so I decided on just the opposite, heaven. Heaven was caelum in Latin, so Cael seemed perfect.

“Good enough for me!” he grinned, but his grin soon faded, and he continued to look morose, as did Scrap. Scrap threw him a look, so he stood up on his four midnight black paws, his bone bracelets glinting in the firelight. He looked up at me hesitantly. “Do, do you think...” he trailed off, looking to Scrap for assistance.

“We were wondering if we could um yeah uh well go with you tomorrow maybe you know to the uh the labs,” Scrap spilled out rapidly.

“It sounds like fun!” Cael interjected. “And then you could be my new master! I'm sure you would never kick me or...”

“Please please?” begged Scrap, looking up at me pleadingly with his cute ferrety face.

“Sure!” I answered, beaming.

“Yay!” Kara left off eating for a moment to put in.

Everyone grinned broadly as I pulled out two pokčballs. “This’ll just take a second...” I said, touching the Pokčball gently to Cael’s nose. As he dematerialized, the ball held still for three counts before the light glowed on the front. I took my Pokčdex out of my pocket and scanned him in. Quickly I read through his details while releasing him from the ball. He was level twenty, and his moves were Shadow ball, Flamethrower, Bite and Confuse Ray. As I looked into the information, I realized my mistake in the battle earlier. Shadow ball was a ghost type move, not a dark move, as I had guessed. That’s why the reflect didn’t do anything.

I picked out another Pokčball and touched it to Scrap’s nose in the same fashion. Surprisingly, the ball rocked once while I waited, before stopping and sitting still for two more counts. I scanned him into my Pokčdex as well, his level being twenty-one and his moves being Flamethrower, Dig, Smokescreen, and Sunny Day. I let him back out.

“What happened? You struggled.” I asked, curious.

“Sorry I’ve just never been in a thingy... uh Pokčball before yeah. I didn’t mean to I just sorta freaked out sorry.”

“Its fine, it doesn’t matter.” I ‘picked’ up the marshmallow bag and floated it slowly past Kara’s nose. She swatted at it with her paw, just like a kitten. When she realized she missed, she pounced on it, lashing her tail and glaring around as though daring anyone to take it from her. I took up the challenge. By the time I had gotten the bag from her, everyone was laughing, including me. I counted the marshmallows. Five! Perfect!

I unrolled one of the sleeping bags, spreading it out so the pokčmon could sleep out of their pokčballs, and clambered into my own. I called out goodnight and received four replies. I smiled to myself in the partial light of the half-dead fire. Soon, I would be at the labs. Soon I would know if I was truly special to the world. Soon. All was good.


-----


So. That was it. Like? No like?
I'm not sure personally if I like this chapter. I think I don't. It has comedy, a battle, new charries, and a plot twist, but... I think I like the next few better. Oh yesh.

Review!
-goes to PM people a day late-

;196; ~Chareon

Chibi Pika
21st September 2007, 9:35 PM
>>

...

Wanna hear -my- story of the day?

Alright, very late last night, while everyone else in Gaming club was either playing Magic or stabbing their brain with 4-way modified Chess, I decided to come hear, and actually yelled "Yay, Chareon!" when I saw PoF at the top of my subscriptions list.

So I came here, typed up a review, yada yada.

And *somehow* (God knows how <<) I managed to hit Ctrl+W. Try it for yourself...with a blank window preferably. It took me a few seconds to register what had happened. So now, thoroughly annoyed, because retyping things is my worst pet peeve in the world, I started out my new review with "I. HATE. CTRL. W."

And then my computer froze. Froze, froze. It died so bad I had to get a new one on loan while they fix it. *_*

So there. I'ma gonna type this now, and hope nothing happens to it. x_x

…Who the hell came up with ctrl+w anyway?!?! Isn’t Alt+F4 bad enough? T_T

To discourage anyone who might try to spy on them, the two labs joined together for the first time in centuries and selected a guardian.
I just remembered this. Centuries? The Labs have been around that long? The study of genetics had been around that long?

Understanding that he wanted me to distract the guardian, I turned back and shouted, “Well, that’s just great, Mr. Guardian dude, because to answer your first question, my name is None. May I go now?”
...

...You know what I'm gonna say.

Yeah, you know.

Best. Fic. Quote. Ever

At first, Quilava wouldn’t even sit next to Houndoom, but then, after he apologized, Quilava and he eventually fell into a deep discussion about the pros and cons of being fire type.
That's one of those parts that I think would have worked better if shown instead of put in the transition paragraph.

“Good enough for me!” he grinned, but his grin soon faded, and he continued to look morose, as did Scrap. Scrap threw him a look, so he stood up on his four midnight black paws, his bone bracelets glinting in the firelight. He looked up at me hesitantly.
On the other hand, I quite liked this part. Very pretty.


Oh yeah, and...I like Clover. x3 I don't know why, but just...how she is in this chapter, combined with reading through Chapter 3 again...I just like Clover. =P


Blaze meanwhile hadn’t gotten behind the shield. He looked at me, panicked. Quickly he ran towards Kara. The shadow ball had just reached the shield and rather than being deflected as I thought it would, it floated right through.
Okay...Miyah thought it was a Dark attack--makes sense. But either way, why'd she have Kara use Reflect? An attack like that would surely be Special, requiring Light Screen. Although...in 3rd gen, Shadow Ball actually was physical, in which case Reflect would have worked (although 3rd gen special/physical was illogical).

“Not exactly, Clover,” said the Mayor, “but I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to explain after we kick their butts! Houndoom, use Shadow ball on that espeon!”
Yeah...there's something about a man in his seventies saying "kick their butts" that just sounds...out of place.

“Oh, sorry sorry didn’t mean it just wanted to fight for you gotta get that houndoom. Ooh, gotta get’im gotta git’im he killed my little brother he did, killed him dead dead as a doornail, didn’t even think twice oh no please please lemme fight?”
Would a wild Pokemon know the expression "dead as a doornail"?

Come to think of it...where did that expression come from, anyway? :p


Btw, over-rating. I dun think it was PG-13. Would take a fair bit more violence, and Cael's burns weren't particularly grotesque.

So yeah...this is the part where I don't remember what happens next. Did I even read what happens next ever? Ah well, keep it up.

~Chibi~;249;;448;

Chareon
22nd September 2007, 4:08 AM
I decided to come hear, and actually yelled "Yay, Chareon!" when I saw PoF at the top of my subscriptions list.

I bet you got some pretty strange looks. xP
Fortunately, I was secluded in my room when I squealed, "FWEE!" when I saw that it was you posting!

-dances in happy circles-


I just remembered this. Centuries? The Labs have been around that long? The study of genetics had been around that long?
Hmm. Well, I guess in my brain, the existence of Miyah's kind and labs studying them both being the same length of time just kinda clicked in my brain, but you have a point. I really need to go back and word this chapter a bit more eloquently, I was just so excited to have PoF back al safe and sound that I just HAD to go and post the next chapter. ^.^ I'll look into it.



Oh yeah, and...I like Clover. x3 I don't know why, but just...how she is in this chapter, combined with reading through Chapter 3 again...I just like Clover. =P
Oddly enough, I like Clover, too. I think I put just a bit of my own 'bad side' in her on accident. O.o she's made to be Kara's foil, too, so maybe it's the contrast?



…Who the hell came up with ctrl+w anyway?!?! Isn’t Alt+F4 bad enough? T_T
I'm officially afraid. @.@ -hides under pillow and avoids the 'w' button-


Would a wild Pokemon know the expression "dead as a doornail"?

Come to think of it...where did that expression come from, anyway?
We think so alike, it's creepy sometimes.
I was totally debating on changing that as I skimmed the chappie over before posting. But I was like, "nah. too lazy."
Next time I'll listen to the little Chibi Pika in my head.
xDDD

5 negative bits and...
3 poitive. -counts your comments-
Nuuuu, I'm slipping. -.-
-goes to edit-


Oh, and bytheway, I shall be posting the next chapter quite soon, within a week or two, depending on reviews and whatnot.

Thanks for reading, dear cousin!

;196; ~Chareon

duncan
26th September 2007, 10:43 PM
Finally I get to post! I've spend the last two days trying to read this all, but every thirty seconds or so I got cut off... Anyway, it's working now.

Okay, my first impression is that this is pretty good. But I can also tell that it's a rewrite (the reason being that I've done way too many rewrites myself). I didn't read the first one, but I can tell you did a good job. I have nitpicks, but those'll come later. First, the good.

The plot is pretty good so far, but we're not far enough in for me to say much about that just yet.

The description is well above average. You do a good job building the world up and explaining who does what, etc. But always remember, there's room for improvement (though probably not much in a rewrite).

Miyah is a fairly interesting character so far. It's always hard to comment on someone's personality, espescially with it being fairly early and all, but Miyah seems to be a good base to write a story with.

Now to my quotes:


In the next three flashes of light, a cute pink cat, a seagull, and a crow popped out, all at the same time. I looked at the skitty and wingull with interest, but when I turned to the murkrow...

I had a strange feeling... almost like hatred combined with fear. It was almost like I had hidden instincts which decided to come forth at that moment. The middle of my forehead started to ache, making me dizzy. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, a shroud of blue mist blinded me, and I knew no more, except for an intense fury, and a strange burning sensation in my eyes...

The description in this paragraph was excellent. You really get a good sense of what she was feeling. Good job!


“Oh, I see, so I’m one of the people who have pokčmon powers? That means...” I tried to think around my aching head. “... so do you! What element did you get?”

This part annoyed me. I really can't see how she would just accept that she had powers that quickly, and not be worried at all about it. That's probably my main gripe in this whole fic.


Out of one of the pokčballs came a bulbasaur, a blue frog with a bulb on its back.

One of the more interesting descrptions of Bulbasaur I've seen.

Anyway, overall I like this. Rewrites are difficult to do, and kudos to you for making this so interesting and fun to read. I'm defintely interested, and would be grateful if you'd add me to your PM List.

Chareon
4th October 2007, 2:51 AM
CHAPTER 666666666666
Pg 13.



On the fifth day of our journey north, we came to a rocky outcropping near the edge of the woods.

“This is a perfect place to set up camp for a few days,” commented Blaze as he peered around the clearing.

I immediately agreed. There were probably plenty of caves in the rocks, and if not, a towering pine tree could provide some sort of shelter from the elements.

I set down my backpack and was about to open it up when a growl issued from the top of the jumble of rocks. The earth shook at the sound, the very ground quaking in fear. Looking up, I was startled to see the silhouette of a huge pokčmon that was looking down at us, the fires of the sun shining from behind it.

“Blaze...” I started to become wary, recognizing the pokčmon, recognizing the danger.

“I know,” he answered, knowing it too. We had stumbled upon a legend, and nothing good was going to come of the encounter.

Entei leapt down from the rock, landing with a jolt that made the ground shudder once more. “What is a filthy human doing on this sacred land?” He demanded, his voice roaring like the fires in a blacksmith’s forge.

I was about to stammer a response when he interrupted. “No matter, you won't be here long.”

Blaze recognized the threat in his words, as did I. He jumped out in front of me, his battle cry issuing forth from his mouth, as at the same time, I pulled out my other three pokčballs.

Blaze didn’t wait for my instructions. He shot a stream of fire at the huge legendary, trying to catch it off guard.

But to no avail. Entei watched the seemingly puny flamethrower come towards him, until the last instant, when he leapt straight up into the air, avoiding it and coming down right in front of Blaze.

Blaze bravely lashed out with his claws, but one blows from one of Entei’s hefty paws and he was out cold.

I knew I didn’t have the time to recall him, so I sent out Kara.

“Reflect!” I shouted, and she complied, setting up a psychic shield that I figured would hold him off for a minute.

I quickly recalled Blaze, then grabbed Cael’s ball. But I hesitated. Entei was watching me, completely ignoring Kara and her reflective shield.

I knew at that moment that sending out two of my pokčmon would be cheating, and that no matter how bad the circumstances, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Kara shot me an understanding glance before turning back to more pressing matters. “Kara, use psychic!” I cried, hoping to hold off Entei for a while.

I should have known better. Kara’s eyes glowed blue, and a halo of blue light glowed around Entei as well. He snorted in disgust, and with one shake of his head, broke off the attack completely.

I stared, astounded. I was straining to think of another attack when Entei drew in a deep breath.

“Brace yourself, Kara!” I shouted, barely in time. Kara heard me and concentrated hard, the red gem on her forehead flashing as she strengthened her shield.

Entei spat out a ball of molten flames at Kara, a veritable meteor.

Kara’s shield shattered at the impact, barely slowing the progress of the fiery blast at all. She tried to jump out of the way, but she wasn’t fast enough.

I quickly recalled her, before the fire had even died out. “Go, Cael!”

Now I was afraid. I knew that if Entei won, he would not hesitate to kill me. I could tell my pokčmon knew that too, for they fought twice as hard as I had ever seen them do.

“Shadow ball, flamethrower,” I cried, hoping Cael would understand. He did. He gave a howl, towards the not yet visible moon, his howl going silent as a black pulsating orb formed over his muzzle. He had barely spat it out at Entei when he unleashed a huge stream of fire, pushing the shadow ball at Entei as fast as it could go.

Entei jumped out of the way, only just in time. I could smell the scent of scorched fur from where the flames had scorched his side, could see him quiver slightly with the effects of the ball of darkness.

“Do it again, Cael!”

But Entei was not to be outdone. He let loose a huge flamethrower, the largest I had ever seen, straight at Cael.

I recalled Cael and sent out Scrap, my last chance of survival.

He shot out of his ball, chattering wildly. “Dig!” He dove underground at my command as if the ground was made of water.

But Entei simply stomped on the ground, causing an earthquake. I had seen smaller actual earthquakes. I was thrown to the ground, holding onto a weed for dear life until the shaking stopped.

I immediately knew that the underground Scrap wouldn’t have stood a chance. I got to my feet as I recalled him, facing Entei, prepared.

I thought I was to die, but Blaze had a say in the matter. In a flash of light, he popped out of his ball, looking all the worse for wear.

“I won't let you kill her!” he growled at Entei, his growl seeming quite small in comparison to Entei’s. But he tried.

“Foolish charmeleon, why do you bother defending this weak creature? I’m sure you have better things to do. Why don’t you just give up? If you let me kill this insolent human, I swear upon my honor that I’ll let you live.”

“Never!” growled Blaze. “What type of pokčmon would I be, what type of friend would I be if I turned on Miyah like that?! She would do the exact same thing that I'm doing for her if she could. I would give my life for her!”

“So be it!” roared Entei, stung by his refusal. But as Entei sucked in a breath to shoot Blaze with a fire blast, Blaze quickly spewed out a flamethrower, right into Entei’s mouth.

Entei choked, then started coughing. As he did, Blaze dashed up, sinking his claws into his side and hoisting himself onto Entei’s back.

By this time, Entei had recovered sufficiently to roar his hatred to the skies, rearing back onto his hind legs like a horse, trying to shake off Blaze.

But Blaze held on grimly, the light of determination sparkling in his eyes. He sunk his claws deeper into Entei’s back, blowing a flamethrower at the back of Entei’s head.

Entei sprinted around the clearing as fast as he could, the ground trembling as he did so, still trying to get Blaze off his back. Blaze continued to gouge at his back and scald his neck. Finally, exhausted, Entei stopped running, and stood panting in the middle of the clearing. Once more, he reared up on his hind legs, but he didn’t stop at vertical this time. He toppled over backwards to land with a sickening crunch on Blaze.

I recalled him again, shocked. I faced Entei once more, but this time, I wasn’t ready to die. I would go down fighting, just like my loyal pokčmon. I quickly reached down and picked up a handful of dirt in one had, a rock in the other.

As Entei advanced, I threw the dirt in his face, momentarily blinding him. Then I threw the rock, as hard as I could at him.

It bounced off of his yellow crown with a crack to land with a thump at my feet. I was about to reach down and pick it up once more when Entei charged, knocking me down onto my back.

I groaned at the pain, but desperately tried to sit up. Suddenly, I felt a huge weight on my chest as Entei put his foot down, pinning me to the ground. I glared up at him, defiant, as he drew in his breath for the final time, to smote me from this planet.

Stop! A voice echoed around the clearing. Or rather, around the minds of all those in the clearing. Even the trees held still at the sound of the voice.

Entei’s eyes widened, he looked almost fearful.

Are you going blind, my son? Or does your hatred veil your vision?

Now Entei was definitely afraid.

Do you not see the mark upon her brow?

Entei was forced to look at me, forced to agree. He nodded meekly, daunted by the voice echoing though his head. I briefly wondered who could made a legendary submit to their power before the voice continued.

Have you no faith in me, my son? Did you think I had abandoned you? Or did you think I was gone forever, never to return?

“No, never!” Entei stammered. “I just though you wouldn’t come in time! Suicune was the one who thought you wouldn’t come at all, not me!”

And was it Raikou who believed I would come. Was he right?

“Yes, Mother,” Entei bowed his head in shame. “I understand. What do you want me to do?”

But the presence was gone, as if the breeze had brushed it away. I felt empty without that voice in my head. It was like having your clothes taken away in the snow.

“Forgive me, blessed one,” Entei said to me, “How may I be of service?”

“Wh- what? I- I don’t know... I-”

Entei saw the confusion in my eyes, and his own eyes softened in return. “I know,” he said, looking at something on the ground a few steps in front of me. He walked over to the object, which I saw at the last minute was a pokčball. One of my empty ones must have fallen out of my pocket during the fight.

He leaned down over it, gently touching his nose to the ball.

I watched in disbelief as the pokčball blinked three times before sitting still. I walked up to it, bending down and picking it up respectfully.

I released Entei. “Why did you do that? Why do you call me blessed one? Who—” But he cut me off.

“All will be explained in time. But for now, I suggest you get on my back. We need to get help for your charmeleon immediately. I’m afraid I hurt him quite badly.”

I picked up my backpack before I walked to his side, pulling myself up onto his back. I settled down just behind his shoulders, just in front of his billowing cape and the ridges on his sides. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, though, for I didn’t want to hurt him by touching the deep scratches and burns on the back of his neck.

“Grab my mane,” he instructed. I complied, amazed at how soft and silky the brown fur on his head was.

“Now hang on tight!” he roared, bounding forward.

It was a wild ride. I clenched his mane between my hands as tight as I could, and squeezed my legs around his torso, but it still didn’t keep me from bouncing up and down horribly. A few times, as well, the spiky ridges on his side stabbed me in the backs of my legs, but I thought nothing of it.

After a while, I settled down enough to realize we were headed west. “Where are we going?” I called out to him.

“Goldenrod!” He shouted back between breaths.

I was worried for a moment, thinking that being seen riding on a legendary pokčmon’s back might bring unwanted attention, but my worry for Blaze overrode all others. Grimly, I tightened my hold on his mane and silently urged him to faster speeds.



A half hour later, Entei and I arrived at the outskirts of Goldenrod. I would have stopped to marvel at the city’s skyline, if I didn’t have more pressing matters to deal with. Pushing aside my thoughts of my first trip to a metropolis, I clung as well as I could to Entei’s mane as we galloped into the city.

At first no one noticed us, perhaps because there weren’t many people about to do so. But as we made our way deeper into the city, to where the pokčmon center was bound to be, I could hear shouts. And I could see why they were shouting.

The greatly feared Entei, a human killing legendary, dashing wildly through the crowded streets of Goldenrod with a dazed and injured human clutching his bloody mane was bound to catch attention.

We dodged around cars, people, anything stupid enough to get in our way. Finally, we arrived at the center.

I hopped off of Entei’s back. He gave me a knowing look as I whipped out his pokčball. He would be killed if I left him outside. I hastened in, holding Blaze’s pokčball in my hand, not caring that the cuts in my hand were bleeding onto it.

The nurse at the counter was obviously alarmed at my appearance but maintained her composure. “What can I do for you, er, miss?”

“Fix him!” I practically shouted at the poor lady in my haste. Frantically, I shoved Blaze’s pokčball into her hand. “He’s been badly injured! Hurry!”

Thankfully, the nurse took my rudeness for panic and turned to a nearby chansey. She ordered the fluffy, pink nurse pokčmon to fetch the doctor, gesturing at me to follow before turning and scurrying away.

I followed her into a operating room that was filled with gadgets and the like. The nurse released Blaze onto the table that stood in the middle of the room just as the doctor walked in.

Blaze was in a horrible shape. He was covered with bruises, cuts and burns on every inch of his body. His tail flame was decreased to a slight ember, and his left arm was obviously broken. His head too, lay at a grotesque angle.

The doctor and nurse both gasped in unison. I had expected something like this, so I wasn’t as surprised. The nurse turned on me.

“What have you done to this poor pokčmon!?” She shrieked loud enough for the entire hospital to hear.

“I’ll explain when you fix him! All you need to know is that I didn’t do this, it happened in a battle!”

Fortunately, the doctor was unruffled and immediately began to inspect Blaze thoroughly, every inch of his battered body.

I realized that tears were running down my cheeks just as the doctor finished up. “Missy, I’m afraid there isn’t much I can do. His neck is broken, his skull fractured, there’s a deep, six inch long gouge in his side and he has a broken arm,” the surgeon looked at me sympathetically, “His tail flame shows just how weak he is. He’s lost a lot of blood, as well. If we don’t put him down, he’ll probably pass on tomorrow at around noon.”

Suddenly, the room was swimming before my eyes, my tears flooding my eyes and splashing down my face. Blaze, my beloved Blaze, was dying? My Blaze who had given everything to defend me, so I could live? No, there was no way Blaze could die. He was too courageous, to special to me to die! No!

With a sob, I somehow made my way to the side of his bed, his deathbed. Perhaps the nurse helped me. I grasped his left paw in my hands, the only part of him somewhat unscathed. I stroked his hand, wishing there was something I could do. I reached for my powers, hoping beyond hope that I could do something.

The spectrum turned blue as I concentrated. I could hear the gasps of the two other people in the room, but I ignored them, siphoning as much of my life energy into Blaze as I could.

When I was done, I could tell it didn’t work. Nothing had changed, except perhaps that I had lengthened the time of his suffering. I cried harder, ignoring the doctor as he hesitantly offered to put Blaze out of his misery.

I sat with him through the night, never leaving his side, not even when the nurse came in to make me come and get my own wounds cleaned up. I refused, tears pouring silently down my cheeks in streams as I watched Blaze slowly wither away.

Just before dawn, I had the mind to let Kara out. She had known him the longest out of my other pokčmon, and I figured she would relish a chance to say goodbye.

“Blaze...” She padded lightly over to the bed, tears running down her cheeks as well. “I’m going to miss you. I’m sorry I never got to tell you...” Kara cut herself off, a light flaring up in her eyes.

“Miyah...” I wiped my eyes and looked at her, suddenly hopeful. “I have an idea.”

“What is it?” I asked, my voice hoarse from weeping.

“Do you know of the pokčmon move, morning sun? It’s a psychic type attack, so I’m sure I can do it. I think we should take him outside, before the sun rises. When it does, we could have Scrap and Entei both use the move sunny day to strengthen the sunlight. Just before we commence, you try to contact Blaze.”

“How do I do that?” I interrupted frantically.

“Telepathically. Reach out for him. All you need to do is convince him to evolve.”

“But he’s much to low of a level to do that! There’s no way!” I was crushed. Here I thought that Kara had the beginnings of a great plan, all but for one major flaw.

“You don’t understand! Pokčmon use levels as a guideline. But if we truly want to, we can evolve whenever we want. Like when I evolved to save you and Rick! Remember?”

I did. Now it all made sense. I was yanked from my pool of despair so suddenly that it left me shivering and wet in the cold, cruel wind of hope.

Now I knew what to do. I knew that now I could try, try to save Blaze’s life, to repay him as well as because I would do it without any reason. Blaze was my friend, my first pokčmon. I couldn’t let him die.

Kara’s eyes glowed blue as she carefully lifted him up, trying not to jostle him at all. My vision tinged blue as I chipped in, helping to carry him. We made our way into the garden in back of the Pokčmon center, just as the sky was beginning to turn pink. I called Cael, Scrap, and Entei out of their balls and began to explain everything to them.

“We know.” Cael interrupted me.

I didn’t question how, I just accepted the fact. Then I began my part.

I knew I would have to hurry, to contact Blaze before the sun rose. I stretched my mind out beyond it’s mental cage, into the nothingness beyond. I grabbed Blaze’s left paw blindly, trying to find where he was, mentally as well as physically.

But I couldn’t. It was as though someone turned out the lights of my brain, and of Blaze’s, sending me to drift away. I pressed the back of his paw to my brow in anguish. That was when it happened.

It was like someone had opened the floodgates to his mind. All of his memories swirled around me, combining and distorting themselves to an unrecognizable state. I searched around, seeking his consciousness, brushing aside past thoughts and recollections with a mental hand until I found him. It was like a hot stone was in the corner of his mind, frightened and lost. A little glowing sphere that was Blaze. I reached out to him, feeling the very cores of our beings touch. His confusion seemed to swirl through my mind, so I focused on one word.

Not the word itself of course, but the blatant, true meaning of it. I sent it echoing around his mind, like the call of an eagle in a canyon: evolve!

I pulled away sharply, leaving me gasping for breath. I looked at Kara. “Now!” I wheezed.

Everything happened at once. Kara’s eyes glowed just as the first rays of the rising sun struck Blaze’s prone form. Scrap, Entei, and surprisingly, Cael, all opened their jaws to the heavens, sending a combined, huge pillar of light towards the horizon, towards the sun.

The sun rays strengthened, as if a godly being had held up a huge magnifying glass. The pool of sunlight surrounding Blaze glowed bright white with the combined forces of all of my pokčmon pouring out energy into him. Just before I added my own strength to Kara’s morning sun, I noticed that Blaze was glowing with his own light, not just from the sun.

I poured out my dwindling energy, making the light unbearable to look at. I closed my eyes, tipping out the last of my usable strength just as Kara, Cael, Scrap, and Entei stopped as well.

I opened my eyes to behold my Blaze, my charizard, good as new except for a thin pale scar across his side.

I fainted.




-----

I luffles dis chappie. ?
So. Review, etc..
^.^

Chibi Pika
4th October 2007, 4:29 AM
This chapter was one big "Zomg!"

Zomg, Entei!
Zomg, Mew!
Zomg, captured! o_o
Zomg, Blaze! ;_;
Zomg, evolution!


Entei leapt down from the rock, landing with a jolt that made the ground shudder once more. “What is a filthy human doing on this sacred land?” He demanded, his voice roaring like the fires in a blacksmith’s forge.
Hur hurr, so she wandered into sacred land...will that area have later significance? Or is it just taken as "sacred"?

I thought I was to die, but Blaze had a say in the matter. In a flash of light, he popped out of his ball, looking all the worse for wear.

“I won't let you kill her!” he growled at Entei, his growl seeming quite small in comparison to Entei’s. But he tried.

“Foolish charmeleon, why do you bother defending this weak creature? I’m sure you have better things to do. Why don’t you just give up? If you let me kill this insolent human, I swear upon my honor that I’ll let you live.”

“Never!” growled Blaze. “What type of pokčmon would I be, what type of friend would I be if I turned on Miyah like that?! She would do the exact same thing that I'm doing for her if she could. I would give my life for her!”
While Blaze was great here, I think Miyah's emotions (or rather, reactions) should have been more pronounced, whether the fear in the beginning, or her reaction to Blaze's loyalty.

“Forgive me, blessed one,” Entei said to me, “How may I be of service?”

“Wh- what? I- I don’t know... I-”

Entei saw the confusion in my eyes, and his own eyes softened in return. “I know,” he said, looking at something on the ground a few steps in front of me. He walked over to the object, which I saw at the last minute was a pokčball. One of my empty ones must have fallen out of my pocket during the fight.
I liked how this was handled. Mew's intervention made everything quite plain and logical to happen.

“You don’t understand! Pokčmon use levels as a guideline. But if we truly want to, we can evolve whenever we want. Like when I evolved to save you and Rick! Remember?”
Well, Espeon is friendship evolution, and with her, wasn't there also some thing with her saying her level was lower than it really was?

Either way, a bit deu ex machina-y, but meh.


But yeah...Mew involved! Entei captured! Blaze evolved! Zomg!

~Chibi~;249;;448;

SapphireRose
4th October 2007, 5:25 AM
Haha!

Chareon, excuse moi, but I don't recall Cael or Scrap coming into this. What breed are they?

Yes, yes, Chibi Pika, "ZOMG's" all throughout this one... Indeed...

ZOMG, now I sound like a guru atop a mountain. O_O

Whoa, Entei just caught himself. W-I-E-R-D. But, I should think, neccessary(sp?) to the fic, as it is a revamp.

Me tinks Chibi Pika doth coveredth it all...

-checks-

Yup, yup, done here.

P.S. Do ya remember me, Chareon? ;196;

Chareon
4th October 2007, 6:14 AM
ZOMG!

Ahahaha. FIRSTLY. -pokes you with the stick of 'spoiler tagging'-

Put this:

Well, Espeon is friendship evolution, and with her, wasn't there also some thing with her saying her level was lower than it really was?
in tags! Silly, you aren't supposed to know that!

Anywho. (I might just call you to tell you that. xP)


Either way, a bit deu ex machina-y, but meh.
-sighs- Damned if you do, damned if you don't with levels, huh? Well, Kara does have levels issues, but that's not in the story yet. So if I get more responses after that chapter, I'll fix something (as of yet unknown) then! -writes a sticky note and sticks it to head-


Hur hurr, so she wandered into sacred land...will that area have later significance? Or is it just taken as "sacred"?
Ooh, I guess I can say this now, it's already been significant, you see!
It's the same place as the first scene, in the prologue! Ahehehehehehe. -devious-


I liked how this was handled. Mew's intervention made everything quite plain and logical to happen.
Yay, thank you! xD
I was hoping that this would be the case, otherwise people are like, 'legendaries? no way? say what?' and that's no bueno. x3

8 positive to 2 negative crits! -dances-
I'm on my way to fame again! Yay!
Thanks for reviewing, dearest Chibi Pika!


P.S. Do ya remember me, Chareon?
Yeah, I do! You've reviewed at the beginning and on the last version, too, right?


Chareon, excuse moi, but I don't recall Cael or Scrap coming into this. What breed are they?
They come in in Chapter 5, Scrap is a Quilava, and Cael is a Houndoom. (Before you judge, go see the circumstances. ^.^)


Whoa, Entei just caught himself. W-I-E-R-D. But, I should think, neccessary(sp?) to the fic, as it is a revamp.
Hehehe. Yeah, I actually wrote this part AFTER all the revamping, but I bet if I wrote it before it would be WAYHARD to edit. x.x -faints at thought-

-revives-


Yes, yes, Chibi Pika, "ZOMG's" all throughout this one... Indeed...

ZOMG, now I sound like a guru atop a mountain. O_O
ZOMG. Zomgs! Methinks it's just a 'zomg' type of chapter, then? Teehee. ('methinks' sounds pretty guru-ish too, huh? xP)

Anywho. Now I'm off to PM everyone else! Thanks, guys.

;196; ~Chareon

duncan
4th October 2007, 5:31 PM
Cool new chapter! Wow, this was sure filled, wasn't it? First of all, I loved Entei's part. The way he tried to kill Miyah, then Mew told him not to and he just captured himself? Good stuff! I wonder where Raikou and Suicune are... Anyway, I loved the part where Blaze evolved. I really though he was a goner, but I'm really glad he isn't.


“Blaze...” I started to become wary, recognizing the pokčmon, recognizing the danger.

“I know,” he answered, knowing it too. We had stumbled upon a legend, and nothing good was going to come of the encounter.

Entei leapt down from the rock, landing with a jolt that made the ground shudder once more. “What is a filthy human doing on this sacred land?” He demanded, his voice roaring like the fires in a blacksmith’s forge.

*shakes head* I knew we should have taken a left back there...


A half hour later, Entei and I arrived at the outskirts of Goldenrod. I would have stopped to marvel at the city’s skyline, if I didn’t have more pressing matters to deal with. Pushing aside my thoughts of my first trip to a metropolis, I clung as well as I could to Entei’s mane as we galloped into the city.

At first no one noticed us, perhaps because there weren’t many people about to do so. But as we made our way deeper into the city, to where the pokčmon center was bound to be, I could hear shouts. And I could see why they were shouting.

Now that's a vivid image. I love it!

Great chapter, definitely my favorite! Keep it up!

Chibi Pika
4th October 2007, 7:32 PM
ZOMG!

Ahahaha. FIRSTLY. -pokes you with the stick of 'spoiler tagging'-

Put this:

Well, Espeon is friendship evolution, and with her, wasn't there also some thing with her saying her level was lower than it really was?
in tags! Silly, you aren't supposed to know that!

Anywho. (I might just call you to tell you that. xP)


Wait...that was spoiler-ish? But I thought that one of the other Pokemon shot a suspicious glance at her, and that was how--

Or maybe you told me, and I'm just thinking of that part, even though I didn't figure it out from there. Eh heh... xP

~Chibi~;249;;448;

momo1204
18th June 2008, 6:40 AM
Hello...
i happend to stumble on your story "Perish Song" and loved it. But this is about "Price of Freedom" not that 1.

Here is my review of all of the chapters (A.K.A. chapters 1-4 couldnt review other chaps yet too sleepy) since i wanted to wait till i read all of the current chapters. So here it is!

*drumroll*

Review


“Never.” The last of the trio finally spoke up, in a mellow voice that held just an edge of an electric crackle that could strike out at any time. His power held sway over the leftovers of the other two, the incarnation of lightning, of light, of the power in thunder. His yellow and black striped body was configured more like a cat, with sharp claws and long, knife-like fangs. Catlike eyes peered past the stiff white whiskers and the black, helmet-like forehead of his face, while a purple cape and white zigzag tail completed his features.
Great description. I could see this perfectly in my mind.


The first pokčmon to emerge was a chicorita, a small, light-green colored dinosaur pokčmon with a leaf on its head and a necklace of flower buds sprouting on its neck.

Next to emerge was a blue bipedal crocodile pokčmon. As soon as the totodile came out, the chicorita turned and whacked the totodile harshly on the head with its leaf. After blinking a couple of times to clear its head, the totodile turned and clamped its sharp teeth on the chicorita’s leg.

While this was happening, the three Hoenn starters had emerged from their pokčballs and also started fighting; the torchic used ember on the treeko, the treeko used bullet seed on the mudkip, and the mudkip used water gun on the torchic.

Since these attacks were all super-affective on the pokčmon they were used on, all three Hoenn starters winded up fainting.

“Oh, dear!” exclaimed the Professor, “I'm so sorry! I forgot to send this batch out one at a time!” As the Professor said this, he dropped the last three pokčballs on the ground, and cursed loudly as they popped open.

Out of one of the pokčballs came a bulbasaur, a blue frog with a bulb on its back. The bulbasaur immediately sent out long vines and started to try to pull the totodile and chikorita apart.

Out of the next came a squirtle. To my disappointment, it turned its back on the melee, curled up, and started sleeping.

Last to come out was a bipedal orange lizard with large expressive eyes and a small fire on the end of its tail. Unlike the rest of the pokčmon, the charmander turned its attention to me. Its expression seemed to say, “Please pick me! Just get me away from them, and I promise I will do anything for you! I will love you, and if it is your wish, I will fight for you until my last breath leaves my dying body!”

once again great description. one of my favorite parts of the story.
Great charicter(sp?) development. i could easily see their personalities.

Im gonna stop quoting before this gets too long.(too late!)

Sorry but i seem to run out of good words to describe this story. there are many good things but it is getting late for me and im kinda sleepy. there are probably more reviews coming but probably when i find more words.

well... here is some final words (Brakes open the "Emergency Words" box).

this is one of my most favorite stories that i have read.
Keep up the good work!

PS: plz put me on the pm list. thx
PS+S:cant wait for the next chapter!
PSx3:... bye!

@MeRoNo@
5th February 2009, 2:04 AM
Wow! I really like your story and i really think you should finish it. its been a year and I want to see the ending :)