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chrisivy
6th July 2006, 7:33 PM
Luka the Aipom Catcher

The beginning might seen strange but when Luka arrives at this mysterious place... he finds out how he got to the mysterious place at the end of the chapter... this chapter is short...maybe too short... And again thanks for reading ....folks....?
Chapter Two
Luka the new pokemon trainer?

Luka’s eyes were still closed tight. Not aware where he was, he was unconscious for awhile.

“He’s dead. Stone dead, you can’t hear his breathing Madam Maguire.” A man said.

But Luka heard him. His ears were twitching.

“Aye,” Madam Maguire’s voice rumbled.

She was in a rocking chair rocking back and forth. Her gray hair was tangled into a ball as other pieces of it covered her face. Her eyes were hidden from sight as her heart was covered by a black cloak that made her mysterious.

“He is going to be a pokemon trainer…” Madam Maguire smirked and she faced Luka lying on a small cot.

“You fortune-tellers know everything these days…” the mysterious man retorted.
“Go fetch some firewood,” Madam Maguire simpered and then threw some spices into the hearth before her.

“Very well, I’ll get the firewood,” the man said and opened the padlock guarding the door. Soon he turned the knob and opened the door slamming it behind him when he got outside.
Then it grew very silent. Until, Luka slowly opened his eyes and noticed Madam Maguire gazing straight at him.
To be continued...
I felt a bit scared when I started writing again... I thought I would do bad job again...;078;

Jetx
6th July 2006, 7:35 PM
It's okay, but it's way too short as you said. And all the chapters go in the same thread.

Yami Ryu
6th July 2006, 7:39 PM
... yes you did a bad job again as all you did was post chapter two! So instead of improving chapter one and reposting it, you wrote this up and posted it! It's too short- people that don't bother digging about for the closed thread will be wtf. The characters are a bit BLEH, overall I don't see any real improvement. And stop double posting, for fecks sake.

Overall I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt you actually read the Advice and Rules thread. GO READ THEM NOW. It's not hard to find them. They're the two stickied topics saying FANFICTION RULES and ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS.

:/ sheesh.

Edit: Chrisivy, go read general rules too. Maybe it'll help you understand to not spam :/

Owneik
6th July 2006, 7:55 PM
...seriously? chrisivy, what the **** are you doing? Each time you post something, it's utter crap with Aipom tossed into it. It's too short, it's horribly annoying and even with that little text and only two chapters, you've managed to make it driven by clichés. Seriously.

Also, over and over, you keep saying 'waah I'm not good waah I'm bad so have mercy'. No one gives a ****. If you're bad, don't post. Delete it, write something else, and if that's bad too, delete that and try again. Keep doing it...and once you have something at least three pages long and not half-assed, THEN post it. And you've said you're going to read the stickies about four times now, and you continue to say so...yet you show no sign of doing it, and then when someone tells you to do it again, I'll predict you'll say the same and not do it.

For god's sakes...-_-

Jonouchi
6th July 2006, 8:06 PM
Seriously though. The rules and the advice thread are not for pain. They're to make you better.

We're trying to help you, yet you ignore all of us. It's getting annoying now

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 8:10 PM
Ok, I'll quit this aipom crap and just do a simple nice one -shot thing. If you came to bug me again stop it! Your just making me feel worse! Ok... ok~.And people, if you are looking for me again, I will be writing a simple short stories because I like short stories. Humph!
I hope you all readers have a good life... I'll be traveling around serebiiforums and look at other writings.
I hope we meet again, because even though you don't care about me, I will care.
Have a happy... life.
Farewell,
chrisivy

Owneik
6th July 2006, 8:11 PM
"Waah waah dont hurt my feelings waah". no u. You silly goose, I may hurt your feelings, but it's all the truth. You should be happy, at least it's just your feelings getting hurt, when I read your 'work', it hurts my eyes, my brain and probably whatever IQ points I have left after the underhanded mental attack you have commenced on, most likely, various users following the posting of this 'fic'.

Seriously, go read the advice topic, go read the rules, go read some other people's work, and just follow my advice; try again, if it sucks (which it will at first, trust me), delete and try again, if it sucks again, delete and try again, rinse and repeat. If you can't figure out whether it sucks or not and decide to post it, we will tell you why and how it sucks, and work from that when you try again.

Owneik
6th July 2006, 8:13 PM
Good then.

Owneik
6th July 2006, 8:20 PM
...what the **** are you on about? You're just sucking up now, I wasn't being nice at all in those comments. Stop spamming a bunch of 'lalala' crap and go make an attempt at improving. Jesus.

Tale
6th July 2006, 8:23 PM
Just continue, chrisivy, you know what the insults and the critisism that you recieve means? Nothing.

When people say "This hurts my eyes" (which is a physical IMPOSSIBILTY btw) they are saying that, amongst other flat-out insults, because for some odd reason, seeing bad work makes them angry. It means nothing, what they're saying means nothing.

What you need to concentrate on is everything else they say. When someone says you're crap, skip that bit and get to the bit of the 'review' where it says "do this...". Ignore the insults, forget them and continue, that way you'll improve and that way you'll find it easier to accept the things people feel the unneeded urge to say. You're not the only one either, think that to yourself.

Anyway, take in all the advice given and use it. Read those threadas, all the authors have, and use the things you've learned from the advice you've seen and put it into your work. You can only improve.

What I see in your fic, btw, is fantastic compared to many people who post their works. You DO have the ability to write, and you are not bad at it at all. You're inexperienced, not bad. You have decent grammar, a decent vocabulary, your storytelling is mildly entertaining. You have the ability, from this point, to get the 'decent' and the 'mild' up to 'fantastic' and 'extremely'. Keep going, you can do it.

You have my support.

EDIT:

Owneik, I adore your writing and everything, and please don't feel angered but;


Stop spamming a bunch of 'lalala' crap and go make an attempt at improving


Good then.

That was spam right there. Chrisivy is thanking you, he's happy that he got some nice advice, let him, we should all be able to thank and praise anyone we want, who says its sucking up? But yeah, lets lift the harshness a bit.

Owneik
6th July 2006, 8:28 PM
*slaps forehead* One second you say my comments are so cool and I'm so nice, and the next you tell me to be nice for once.

I, for one, am abandoning the prospect of reviewing or responding to any of your work until you are able to show anything that uses the advice we have given you over and over (only to face comments like "arrg stop bugging me" and "alright, your so cool!").

I leave you with one piece of advice, though; for god's sakes, all chapters go into ONE thread.

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 8:30 PM
Sorry!
Owneik!
Sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily
6th July 2006, 8:34 PM
I ask of you to stop spamming up the own thread with irrelevant posts. Also, please don't double post. If you messed up, it's not too late to go ahead and fix it. Don't disregard what reviewers tell you; your story really does need mproving.

My advice is to get a BETA reader, someone who will look over your work before you post it (someone in the author's cafe should help). Please be aware that all your chapters go in one thread. If you keep making separate threads, people will simply get aggravated as it will clutter up the forum.

Lily
6th July 2006, 8:56 PM
I ask of you to stop spamming up the own thread with irrelevant posts. Also, please don't double post. If you messed up, it's not too late to go ahead and fix it. Don't disregard what reviewers tell you; your story really does need mproving.

My advice is to get a BETA reader, someone who will look over your work before you post it (someone in the author's cafe should help). Please be aware that all your chapters go in one thread. If you keep making separate threads, people will simply get aggravated as it will clutter up the forum.

Do you not get what I type? ;-;

shadowlight
6th July 2006, 9:20 PM
Shadowlight: It's improving my eyes don't burn anymore
It's only a mild stinging
;218; : It is getting better good job
And shadowlight say sorry
Shadowlight: sorry

Yami Ryu
6th July 2006, 9:44 PM
Sorry... ahhhhh!(So sorry noble-one!) Hey, how do you do that? To fix it? I just started this thing two days ago and I need some help. I'll go to authors cafe. Thanks.

... it's called Editing or Rewriting and etc. It means you FIX your chapter to look better! Arg just gah since you seem to be blind-

http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993 <- Link to the RULES

http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19 <- Link to ADVICE

:/ and Shadowlight just ... >> you're not far off from being spamlike either

chrisivy
6th July 2006, 9:48 PM
Ok, I looked at them. I'll improve. And I now know not to Double Post because it's annoying. Thank you for your advice and your help.I'll try to make the next chapter longer. I'll improve for sure.

Zephyr Flare
6th July 2006, 9:55 PM
SPAMHOLE

Please read the Adice, please read the rules, please don't try and have your threads reported so much they're filling my inbox rather quickly. Start from scratch, all chapters in ONE thread this is, as well to save me deleting every single ickle post.


Sanda