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Mew-100
9th July 2006, 5:44 PM
3 10 year old Good friends; Luke, Richard and Kark have made it to the Inashu League, hoping to win the cup but what trainers, what Pokemon are in store for them?

Were Gonna win the tournament,Beating everyone we face 1 2 3 4ADVANCED TOUNAMENT!
Gonna Win, Gonna Win!There may be 400 Pokemon to capture, but thats not our des-ti-ney ADVANCED TOURNAMENT Gonna Win, Gonna win! ADVANCED TOURNAMENT, ADVANCED TOURNAMENT, POKEMON!

Nurse Joy: Hello are you here for the Inashu league?
Luke: Shure!
Nurse joy: I will need you pokedex' boys.
All (Boys): Ok here you go.
Nurse joy: Thank you! Here is your room key Room Number 111.
Klark: Thanks Nurse Joy!
Luke: OK Bouysel Lets win this!
Boysel: Sel!
Richard: Here we go room 111.
Luke: Woah Its nice and cosy huh bouysel?!
Bouysel: Bouy, Bouysel!
Announment: Luke Please report to the stadium for your first match
Luke: Did you here that Bouysel? Our First Match!
Bouysel: Bouy!
Lukes enemy was girl called Simonia who specialised in Normal Types!
Simonia: Go, Clefable!
Clefable: Clef, Clef!
Luke: Bouysel go!
Bousel: Bouysel Bouy
Luke: Bouysel use Hydro Pump
It was a cricital hit! But Clefable was still in the fight!
Simonia: Clefable use Meteor Mash!
Luke: Meteor Mash?! Bouysel dodge and use take down!
Bouysel: Bouysel! BouyyyySEL!
Clefable was badly hurt
Anouncer: Oooh looks Like Clefable is out!
Simonia: Clefable, Return, Go! Wigglytuff!
Richard: Uh oh a Wigglytuff Luke better be carefull!
Klark: Wigglytuff Huh.
Pokedex: Wigglytuff the Ballon Pokemon, The evolved form of Jigglypuff, Wigglytufff uses a Sing attack to put enemys to sleep, then uses Double slap to defeat them
Klark: LUKE WATCH OUT FOR THAT SING ATTACK
Luke: Sing huh? We can beat that!
Simonia: Sing Now!
Wigglytuff: (Singing)
Luke: Bouysel Trap the notes with Bubble!
Bouysel sent out a blast of bubbles, but the notes were so strong, Bouysel had been hit!
Luke: Bouysel NO!

Will Bousel fall out of his sleep before Wigglytuff beats him? Find out next time on: Pokemon Advanced Tournament!

Were Gonna win the tournament,Beating everyone we face 1 2 3 4ADVANCED TOUNAMENT!
Gonna Win, Gonna Win!There may be 400 Pokemon to capture, but thats not our des-ti-ney ADVANCED TOURNAMENT Gonna Win, Gonna win! ADVANCED TOURNAMENT, ADVANCED TOURNAMENT, POKEMON!

Hahahabvc87
9th July 2006, 5:55 PM
-_-
Please do read the rules thread first before posting a fanfic. Rule number nine is the one you just rammed into, and it concerns the use of scripts in fanfics.

Besides that, check out the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread, and of particular interest is point No.4 in post No.1... The way you described your attacks was very flat and bland, to say the least. Perhaps you might want to PM a few reknowned reviewers with your chapters for improvement before a mod shoots it down in flames...

Yami Ryu
9th July 2006, 5:59 PM
Hahahabvc87: why not let a mod shoot it down in flames anyways? >>

Anyways, here I was, thinking pure half assed scripting was dead and gone and low and behold- I run into this. I doubt even advice for aspiring authors will help someone like you, as I doubt you like putting effort into anything. If you want to prove me wrong, do what Hahahabvc said: Go read Advice for Aspiring Authors, and the Rules. And maybe some real script fics.

Then make something more then half assed.

Haruhi Suzumiya
9th July 2006, 6:16 PM
I'll blame your writing's atrocity on your age and make my life easier.

It's rushed, I've detected several errors regarding the script format, and you overall presented the least of your potential. It's disappointing and discouraging. You could have done better.

Try again.

The Burnt Shadow
9th July 2006, 7:02 PM
Not to put you down or anything, but this one needs a bit of work. First of all scrip writing would be a big no no, unless you do it right. Second describe your character and background, tell them how they look how's everything, etc. Plus I just found a few spelling mistakes. Just try harder next time...

RaZoR LeAf
9th July 2006, 10:15 PM
Bad scripting is against the fanfic rules. Please refer to them before your next attempt.

http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993