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Allyson
9th July 2006, 9:06 PM
Chapter 1: The Pen.
The sky was gray, like if a thunder storm was comeing, there was red pikachu on top of a old iron slide in an abanded play ground. The pikachu was looking at a black helicopter with a red R on it, then the pikachu went in a hole neer the rusted swings. In the hole a red pen like thing, the pikachu knew that if the pen was broken or shadered he would die. "The pen." the pikachu said talking with talafap(like how mewtwo talks).

Then he telaproted away. When Team Rocket got there they found an red hire from the pikachu. The pikachu was at a mountian, where an mew was. "Mew, I found my pen!"he said wakeing up mew.
"Good, now you don't have too be nervse about dieing every day,Psy"mew said wakeing up more.

Then it was night a they were sleeping. "Psy?"mew said wakeing psy up
"what?" he said as his cheeks glowed a blueish red.
"Telaport to Pallet Town now, some one is comeing to catch us, I'll go to a Island"mew said, and they telaported away.

Deathborn_606
9th July 2006, 9:12 PM
God would you please read The Advice for Aspiring Authors please. All 5 of your stories S-U-C-K. Why can't you noobs {You are a noob Allyson} understand that not any fanfiction can go here.

God I wish I could rate this 0 stars but since I can't I'll just rate this 1 star.

Jonouchi
9th July 2006, 9:13 PM
....and I saw you looking through those threads too.

You have now proven that you choose to ignore any advice or rules given.

trust me, you'll be banned for not following the rules, just to warn you now. READ THE RULES!!!!

Nightcat
9th July 2006, 9:21 PM
....and I saw you looking through those threads too.

You have now proven that you choose to ignore any advice or rules given.

trust me, you'll be banned for not following the rules, just to warn you now. READ THE RULES!!!!
Yeah.

MAYBE, if you just learned how to write somewhat to a lot better, you could make this interesting. The plot seems genuine and ok, but everything else is bleagh.

~Nightcat ;197;

Deathborn_606
9th July 2006, 9:36 PM
I saw your edit but still won't be enough to keep this story open I'm afraid.

PRAISE THE LORD SHE IS READING The Advice for Aspiring Authors!

Haruhi Suzumiya
9th July 2006, 11:17 PM
My eyes hurt. You're not consistent with your writing. Please do better.

blazemxx
9th July 2006, 11:24 PM
Also, this was mostly likely not written on a word processor. It took me a couple of seconds to read; stories are suppose to be at least one page on Microsoft Word. The entire thing has a lot of grammatical errors along with spelling errors too.

"Telaport" is spelled " Teleport." "Comeing" is suppose to be "coming." I suggest you write this on a word processor and use spell check.

nashie1
9th July 2006, 11:43 PM
GOD! you just totally ignore any and all advice given to you. you continue to make thread after thread when they are banned! this isn't a fun little game. Read the advice and use it or you will get banned!

EDIT: i've also noticed tht you aren't just making new threads because the old ones were locked. Pikatwo wasn't locked and yet you still decide to clutter up the forums withthis rubbish instead of improving that story before it gets added to your "Pointless pieces of chat talk i think are stories" list. At first i thought "Oh well. maybe she can improve." but now i realize you are just an ignorant author who will no doubt go on to use the "but i'm new" excuse.

(Sorry for being a mini-mod but this really takes the biscuit.)

Draconis
10th July 2006, 5:20 AM
You have made numerous fics, all of which are pure garbage. You apparently chose to ignore the rules, and advice for aspiring authors, which is a very bad choice, especially when you need all the help you can get, just to make any of your fics halfway decent. You absolutely need to read the rules, and advice for aspiring authors thread, they're conviently located at the top of every page in the fic section.

Zephyr Flare
10th July 2006, 8:25 AM
You have been warning pmed twice, once by me. You said you'd read both rules and I see absolutely no trace of this, just complete ignorance and I'm starting to get sick of having to close all these threads of yours which are no better than the alst.

While you're away, read the damn things.


Sandra