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Psychic Umbreon
11th July 2006, 3:32 AM
Rated M.

Prologue: Hardships
Kanto had won the war against Johto... but they had paid a price for the victory. Ash Ketchum was dead. Shot in the heart by a bullet from a Johto sniper.

Since Ash's death, things had been awfully quiet in Pallet Town... until now. “Johto?!!!” A girl's voice screamed. “Are you out of your mind?!?!” The voice belonged to Ash's daughter, Josephine, a twelve and a half year old trainer with red hair and green eyes. Josephine was shaking uncontrollably and tears threatened to run down her face. She had been speaking to Paul Oak, the boy she'd fallen in love with. The feeling was mutual but, at the moment, Paul wasn't paying any attention to Josephine. He was in the middle of planting a rose in the grave of his Ninetales. Maggie had died in her sleep, from a severe illness, a week ago.

Similar to the love Josephine had for Paul, Bree, a cloned Umbreon, had loved Maggie. From the moment he learnt of her death, Bree grieved in his own way. He went off his food altogether and only drank water. A week later, it was obvious Bree was still grieving; his yellow skin, which was normally quite bright, was now dull-looking. Two days ago, Gary Oak, Paul's father, checked Bree over and eventually told Josephine to take her partner to Nurse Joy in Viridian City.

Paul finally finished planting the rose and looked at the photo of Maggie that was leaning against the cross. He closed his eyes in memory of the beautiful Pokemon. He then remembered that Josephine had spoken to him and, after a deep sigh, he opened his eyes and stood up. “No. I'm not out of my mind,” he began. “It's what my father wants us to do. You remember how we began our journey in Autumn? Well, there was a trainer who started his journey before us, in Spring. I can't remember his name, but...” Paul trailed off when he saw his father with a trainer walking beside him. Beside the trainer was a Blastoise and a Persian.

“Paul, Josephine – this is David. He started his journey before the two of you started your journeys. I'd like the three of you to go to Johto and earn Gym badges there. Is that okay?” Gary asked.
“Yes, dad. It's fine with me.” Paul said.
An angry “Yes,” came from Josephine.
A quick nod from David and it was an agreement that was signed and sealed.

“Oh, one more thing. Paul and Josephine – you can only take one Pokemon from your original teams to Johto. You had better make your choice today, because the three of you will be leaving for Johto tomorrow.” Gary added.
“Sh*t!” Josephine swore under her breath.
“Why is it only us, father?” Paul asked.
“Because I want you two to catch, train and evolve Johto Pokemon.” Gary explained.

...
That night, Josephine had an extremely hard time choosing which of her Pokemon she would take for her new journey. Eventually, she chose Duchess, her Pidgeot. Paul was also having problems in choosing his new partner. After covering his eyes and blindly picking a Pokeball, he uncovered his eyes, released the Pokemon and out popped Drake, his Dragonite. Both Pokemon, seeing no opponents, asked their trainers what was going on.
“Josephine,” Duchess said. “Why have you sent me out if there are no opposing Pokemon?”
“This is hard to explain, Duchess, but we are...” Josephine hesitated. How could she tell her new partner they were going on another journey?
Duchess seemed to read her trainer's thoughts. “Why? Why do we have to leave again?”
*****
At the Oak residence, Drake was asking the same questions. “I'm sorry,” Paul sighed. “It's what my father wants Josephine and I, along with David, the new trainer, to do.”
“I see. And when are we all leaving?” Dragonite queried.
“Tomorrow morning.” Paul answered.
*****
“We better get some sleep then.” Duchess said.
“Too true,” Josephine replied. “Good night Duchess.”
“Good night Josephine. Thanks for picking me. I feel honored to go to a new region with you.” Pidgeot retreated into her Pokeball.
“... Honor? What's that got to do with anything?” Josephine muttered darkly. “I don't want to go to Johto!! That's where my father was killed.”
*****
At the bottom of a whirlpool filled ocean, a white draconic creature raised its long neck and its eyes glowed blue. The trio are coming. Ho-oh will probably already know, but the Cats won't. I will tell them, but not tonight. I will tell them first thing tomorrow.

Elsewhere in Johto...
Three cat-like Pokemon stood motionless in three different locations. On the top of a high mountain, covered with trees, stood a light blue feline, with white diamond spots on its body. A crown-like crystal shape grew backwards out of its head. Two long, white ribbon-like tails floated in mid-air by its sides. A purple mane, which appeared to sprout from the base of its neck, moved gracefully, like the ocean's waves.

A huge tiger-like Pokemon, yellow in colour, stood on a ledge in a forest in which the tiger ruled over other Electric type Pokemon. The tiger had unnaturally long claws and fangs combined with the fact that its face was all hidden made it look scary; a black triangular plate covered the forehead and nose, four metallic-looking whiskers spread out from the front of its muzzle, and tufts of creamy white fur were on the sides of its head.

A reddish-brown, bulky, lion-like Pokemon stood at the base of a volcano. A star shape covered its face, yellow at the top, white at the bottom and red at the sides. A greyish-white mane kept changing its form on the Pokemon's back.

Each of the Cats sensed the disturbances in the energies that they controlled. But for now, they couldn't do a thing about it. They had to wait for the Chosen Trio to actually come to Johto.

= To be continued =

Yami Ryu
11th July 2006, 4:22 AM
...

http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19

.. maybe that'll help.


“Paul, Josephine – this is David. He started his journey before the two of you started your journeys. I'd like the three of you to go to Johto and earn Gym badges there. Is that okay?” Gary asked.

“Yes, dad. It's fine with me.” Paul said.

An angry “Yes,” came from Josephine.

A quick nod from David and it was an agreement that was signed and sealed.

Overall it feels rushed and well, I see you try but eh. There's no spacing between scene changes, the characters still feel .. flat. And 'true love' at 12 and a half? That sounds ... >> well that sounds more like infatuation than true love. If the characters were older, like 15/16 atleast then I could begin to believe maybe they loved eachother.

And why would anyone send someone so young to a place well, they were fighting? :/ this doesn't really seem well thought out, I'm sorry to say.

Demy
11th July 2006, 1:35 PM
It is not bad, might need some more work. There are some sentents that sound to furmelue to the amine.

Demy Overall 3/5

Psychic Umbreon
12th July 2006, 4:00 AM
Can someone get Dragonfree to close this, please?

Yami Ryu
12th July 2006, 4:05 AM
... if you want your thread closed, you could just PM said mod :/ or if one of them isn't on, pm a Super Moderator to close your thread, instead of just posting 'could a Mod please close this thread'.

TheTurquoiseTauros!
12th July 2006, 4:29 AM
Why would you want it closed? Its going to be a good fic, it just needs work.
Dont close it just because you got constructive crit!

Demy
12th July 2006, 5:38 AM
Yeep keep goign with this The Dark Evolution.

Demy

Dragonfree
12th July 2006, 10:34 AM
Closing on author's request.