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Haikuoftheblazingwing
12th July 2006, 1:05 AM
Ok peeps and critics, I've tried writing a fan fic several times before and this time I hope you enjoy. Plz go easy on me :)

Chapter 1

Haiku sat alone in his house watching the beautiful 4 Island sunset, as he did almost everyday. His parents and his pokemon were all at their family breeding center. Haiku had what he thought to be an extrordinary team of pokemon, two Charizards, a Blastoise, a Venusaur, an Alakazam, and a Raichu. and though he had no badges he was a seasoned trainer and breeder. Suddenly something caught his attention, in the bay a large boat was speeding toward the harbor. "Visitors at this time of day? No that couldn't be right." He then got up slipped on his jacket and raced outside.

Haiku ran as fast as he could towards the breeding center, when he got there he called for his charizards and began back out the door when he was stopped. "Son whats going on?" asked his father "Dad there are visitors!" "Oh ok well if you must see who it is, go ahead. But don't be out to late." Just then The two Charizards came through the back door. "C'mon guys visitors!" Both Charizards began to quickly follow Haiku. When the trio was outside Haiku mounted on his male Charizard and all of them began to fly to the harbor

Haiku and the two Charizards landed just in time to see an old man walk out of the boat. "Is that Prof. Oak?" Suddenly the old man looked down and saw Haiku. "Ah, just the person I wanted to see!" He then walked down to Haiku and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Good to see you Haiku! How are you?" "I'm fine and you?" "Never better, say can you take me to the center? I've got something important to tell you and your family." "Sure thing Professor." As the the two began walking the two Charizards flew home. Haiku had known the Professor for as long as he could remember, his families breeding center supplied the three Kanto starters. The two then walked in the center. Oak went ahead with his breif case that he brought set it on the table and opened it.

"Haiku, have you ever heard of the legendary Pokemon Celebi?" "Oh you mean the one that controls time?" "Yes the exact one! Well have you ever heard that Celebi can teleport to an alternant world! I'll bet you haven't." "Never heard of anything even similar." Well I have been experimenting for sometime now and have actually created a portal there. Now my question is would you like to come with me to the alternant world?" "Would I ever! That we be awesome!" replied Haiku "Because I'm giving you the chance." " Really!! No way!" "Yes and we'll be departing soon."

Within twenty minutes Prof. Oak had a strange machine running. Oak then turned to Haiku and said "Now I don't think we can bring any Pokemon but if anything happens I have this watch to take us back ok?" "Allright." Oak then turned to the machine and went over it. "Allright ready?" "Yeah." replied Haiku. "Go!" Oak and Haiku jumped in, inside Haiku was spinning violently around. He screamed but heard nothing, and suddenly lost consciousness.

Haiku awoke with a start and looked around he was in the middle of a field of lush grass. Suddenly out of the grass a small Pichu jumped out and latched onto his face. "You poor thing you must be scared." Haiku looked around and saw nothing else. "Did I scare you, I'm sorry." The Pichu then let go and Haiku picked up the little electric mouse. He then stood up and decided on a direction to go, he looked up and around and decided to go east. As he walked it slowly began to rain. "Great." He said In the distance he could see a forest. "Well lets go." he said to the Pichu and then began to run.

Yami Ryu
12th July 2006, 1:11 AM
... yawn.

Information/plot that could have developed over 2/3 chapters was rushed and squashed down into an amazingly boring and short chapter. There's little emotion to the people, and pokemon. Professor Oak makes me want to WTF as if this is anime based, I think he wouldn't send someone after Celebi or the other legends. I mean come on he rescued the damn thing from evils hands :/ so he's going to give it to a GOD LIKE TRAINER?

Yes, omgasp, your trainer character is a bloody damn Gary Stu.

Got it? Good. Now improve his character and make it more realistic. But sadly I don't think there's much you can do to improve short of ditching most of his history in lue of something else and etc.

I suggest you haul your rear over to the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread and read it. AND READ MANY TIMES. >>

chrisivy
3rd August 2006, 12:56 AM
It might turn out nice if you made it feel exciting and realistic like Yami Ryu said. But then...I don't know... the writer can change how they write...I'm just writing some comments...

Dratiny
3rd August 2006, 3:22 PM
It was very short
and no thing were really described it just happend...
But it seems very intresting still!