View Full Version : Rocket's Ambition (V2)

Zephyr Soul
12th July 2006, 3:58 PM
XD I am back!

...with a MUCH better fic. :P Compare this with the old thread and marvel at the differences! :D

So... here we go.

...oh yeah, forgot this last time. The copyright crap. >.>

Pokemon and almost everything belong to Nintendo/ whoever made it. :P HOWEVER, the names of the Legendaries, my big secret plot twist (:D), and basically my entire story belong to me. :K

...also, there are some references to other things as well, and they will be revealed once they appear.

So... NOW you can see Prolougue V2 in all its' glory! :D

In the Heart of Rocket

In the deep, dark depths, a darkened creature opened his eyes and heaved a sigh. He closed them again, and contacted with ancient power a being. Within a minute, a small form glided by him.

“What troubles you, Tempest?”

The bigger form blinked. “I try to see what will come, but it is hazy.”

“You know how inaccurate it is.”

A rumble began to grow in the figure’s throat. “Of course I do... Spirit.”

The figure twirled, eyes closed and a small smile on their mouth. A shining purple flash came from the form, shedding off the dark and bathing them both with light.

The first was immense; he towered over the other. He had four scales on his back that were folded in to have minimum resistance to what they were floating in. Most of his body was white, except his scales and underbelly. Two pointed scales, like eyebrows, was what his wisdom- filled eyes rested upon. Two flat feet which he only used for taking off were folded in, so he would be streamlined. Huge wings rested at his sides; they were long, thick, and powerful. Five finger- like eagle feathers protruded from the end, allowing him to correct his course easier in flight.

The other was tiny; barely over one foot tall. The only way her size affected her, however, was greater flexibility. She had very small ears and arms. Her entire body except her eyes were pink; her eyes were a pure crystal blue. She had long feet which were meant for running, but she never ran. Her final feature was an extremely long, thin tail that was about one and a half times her size. She looked rather like a cat.

Despite their appearances, they treated each other as equals. And it was fitting; they were rather close in power.

The dragon- eagle, Tempest, raised a wing to fend off the light. “I wish you would stop showing off your power, Spirit. I am quite used to the dark; i can see quite fine”, he muttered grumpily.

The smaller, Spirit, smiled.”But it’s fun”, she said simply.

He sighed. Spirit would be wise and respected as he was if she wasn’t so playful.

She flicked her long tail, as if to ward off the remaining silliness. “Why have you called me, Tempest?”, she asked, face growing serious.

He sighed. “I have seen something... something you may not recieve well.”

She blinked, then smiled playfully, twirling in the lightened depths. “Why would something scare me, Tempest? I can always prevent it, you know.” Her gaze suddenly flashed with a piercing power. “Or do you doubt my abilities?”

Tempest sighed. “No, I do not”, he murmured. “But, it would be better if you saw... come, share my vision.” It was more request than order, but she did so anyway. After all, what could possibly happen to me anyway? she thought with amusement.

Spirit went and touched a tiny pink paw to one of Tempest’s finger feather, which were about twice her size. Both stiffened, and both eyes glowed blue- the color of Future Sight.

Instantly, before their eyes were a gallery of images- most very, very filled with static, the ones whichhad next to no chance of happening. There were even some which were simply white, never to be seen again. Others were quite clear, save for a small occasional fizzle.

Tempest sighed and concentracted. Spirit gazed at him; he was concentrating on what he wanted to see. Instantly, the images lept before them with great speed; one image suddenly fit into place, then another, and another. Swiftly, others followed until the gallery was filled up once more before their eyes.

Spirit blinked at the image. One showed a human- female, she guessed- pressing odd things on a white object, in front of a very odd screen.

She blinked and turned her gaze. This one showed an odd view of three humans in white suits, walking toward an undetermined destination. They seemed to be speaking intently to another; one was making marks on an odd objects with a pointed yellow thing.

Tempest turned to her and motioned silently to an image. Eyes suddenly fearful, she floated to it slowly, as if cautious of what it might hold.

There were two images, signaling that ther was split realities. One showed a boy, among a-

She gasped in horror. The entire structure was covered with Pokemon, who were battering away fiercely at each other. The boy was watching with sorrow in his eyes the one who was not- a small, yellow mouse facing one identical to him, except for the other being ferocious. The other threw his short arms in the air in anger, shouting something. The calm one slowly shook his head. Angered, the ferocious one charged him, throwing him to the floor hard.

The boy’s eyes widened, and he scurried down stone, falling heavily down. Two other humans rused over to him with worry on their faces, but he brushed them off and slowly stood up to see something.

Spirit’s heart skipped a beat.

Two giant orbs- pink and blue- encased two creatures. The one under the blue was tall, almost human[ like with a purple body and long, thick tail. He faced the other challengingly, the one in the pink who looked equally determined.

The only thing was...

The one in the pink orb...

Was Spirit.

Cold sweat came from the watching Spirit’s neck. She continued watching, unable to break her petrified gaze.

The boy walked slowly to the two.

Both, on unspoken signal, dropped their orbvs and were incased with azure and rose flame. Both fired beams at each other at the same time-

To meet the boy who had run in, trying to stop them.

The picture fizzled, and then replayed again.

Spirit felt moisture gathering in her eyes, ad odd thing she was not accustomed to. She felt a great pull on her heart, though, and it enveloped her in its hopeless embrace.

It seemed like a very long time before she felt a soft something on her. She turned, to see Tempest, his eyes filled with remorse. “I am sorry”, he murmured. “I didn’t see that one... I was too interested with the other.” He sighed, then turned her gently to the other image.

It was greatly shorter. There was only a small image, which replayed over and over again. She stared, once more held in an iron grip.

It was the same scene, except the humans in the othe rpicture were not there. There was only one human girl, who looked with sorrow at the same being that had been encased in the blue orb in the other image. There was a light...

Then it changed back to the start.

Spirit blinked in confusion as Tempest sighed once more. “Let us go back”, he murmured gently. He blinked, long and slowly, and the image falshed past once more, in the opposite direction of last time before they ran out.

He turned with sorrow to the figure beside him... then he grew very confused.

Spirit had fled, the images too much for her.

He sighed.

“So it shall be.”


Thump, thump, thump, thump...

The endless marching filled the human walls.

A small girl looked around, bewildered, as another human, shaded in black, smiled nastily.

“It has begun.”

12th July 2006, 4:46 PM
Wow. this fic is great! i cant pick up on any mistakes so far etiher. so i take it tempest is Lugia and Spirit is Mew? and the scene where spirit is fighting is from the first movie?
keep up the good work, cant wait till the first chapter!
(first post WOOT!)

Zephyr Soul
12th July 2006, 8:10 PM
*goes insane* POST! A POST IN MY THREAD!!!!

...*calms down somewhat*

Yes. Like the names? It's a bit obvious.

13th July 2006, 3:00 PM
Yeah the names are cool, it took me a while to get who tempest was, i got spirit straight away.

Zephyr Soul
14th July 2006, 5:41 PM
I surprise myself. :3 [/smileythatIusewaytoomuch]

The prolouge's as plot- ridden as it can get. O.O And I thought I sucked at plot...

Oh, yeah, lookie at this and try to guess what it is. :P

Spirit blinked at the image. One showed a human- female, she guessed- pressing odd things on a white object, in front of a very odd screen.


Edit: Yes, I have both chappies 1 and 2 completed. :P The long gap between this thread and the old one gave me loads of time to write; in fact, I just wrote more of chappie 3. XD

I'll post chappie one when I get a sum of two more people's replies. :3

16th July 2006, 9:41 PM
could it be possibly *GASP* a scientist working for Giovanni, in front of a computer, creating Mewtwo blueprints?? and if you ahve the first 2 and a half chapters written, that probably gives you an advantage of being able to fine tune it before you post it.

Zephyr Soul
18th July 2006, 6:51 PM

I sadden myself.

You posted, and I DIDN'T SEE. >.>

...anyway. The computer part is right...

Just think this: there are multiple realities. :3 (I don't know why I've been doing that smiley tons recently...)

-.- *walks off*

18th July 2006, 9:28 PM
i thought of that, when tempest and spirit were talking and it showed the two screens that spirit watched.

Zephyr Soul
25th July 2006, 3:18 PM
Hi. -.- I'll just go ahead and post Chapter 1...



Chappie. :P

...wait, there's a scene in here that I hope isn't too bad. :/ I hope it's not too descriptive...

Version 2 of Chapter 1. Apparently changed on Wednesday, August 23, 2006... changed the part of her being actually ten instead of ‘about eight or nine years old’ . Also made the part where ‘he’ gets angry seem much more angry. Ice shards flying from eyes are awesome. :P The Rattata is now revealed to have injured on of his legs... and the Charmander drew some blood with the Scratch. I seem to be getting more descriptive in places I never thought I would describe... and the Rattata also realizes what the Poke’ Ball is, and tries to run. I feel sorry for the little rat now... and ‘he’ shows up with the R actually over his heart. Hey, anyone wanting to kill them conviently has a target for the heart. Joy. I added emphasis to his voice being ‘alluring’; it was needed. That part was really fun to write... it is true that pi has never been fully completed, but the Friday the 13th is pure nonsense. Pure nonsense is fun. I added a small possible backstory for ‘him’, giving the impression he might’ve experienced this himself. Which I’ll probably have in the story. ‘He’... erm, this gives the idea that it’s not a ‘him’ at all, and that’s ‘he’s’ a Ditto or something. O_o I just say that because, erm, his first name is originating from... painful memories. :/ ...anyway, I’m having him say alot of stuff. He thinks about nobody appreciates him and stuff... pfft, as if anyone would care about him, in Team Rocket. -.- He speaking to his Gengar more powerfully now, saying ‘don’t mess this one up’. Gengar actually is submissive... and makes you wonder what happened to him to make him like that. :P Makes me wonder too... which proves that I haven’t completely thought out the story yet. >.> The Kadabra (I’m going to describe her as one now :P... oh wait, don’t have Internet, so I can’t since I describe from serebii.net :/) speaks about ‘don’t you remember what they did to us?’ with ‘a hint of felt suffering’, which REALLY makes you wonder. Other than those changes, I had a spell check thing. Yay. :P ...actually, I id it just now, after the sentence after this. O_o

That huge thing was all made on Thursday, August 24, 2006. ^^ *spell checks and goes to next V2*

Chapter 1

Of Mind and Thoughts

Thump, thump, thump, thump...

A single file marched down an endless blank hallway.

A small child, of about ten years, looked about fearfully, black hair moving with her head. Her green eyes looked bewildered. The last thing she remembered, she had been with her mommy...


”Mommy? What are you doing?” she had asked, watching as her mommy held the door shut with locks.

Her mommy turned to her. “There are bad people here, honey. I’m just protecting us from them.”

The girl smiled and then sat down on a couch with her Game Boy, inserting her newest game which she had gotten to like.

She was sure her mommy would make everything safe...

After ten minutes with no sound from the door, her mother visibly relaxed, and then sat down in front of the computer, which was in front of the back door.

A door she had forgotten to lock...

With a mighty bang, the door splinted, and dust flew everywhere. The girl froze, petrified, as her Game Boy continued with the happy sounds it made.

As the dust settled, figures in pure black save for a red R stepped into the household.

One stood in front. He had dark hair, penetrating ice blue eyes, and a long cloth trailing behind him.

He smirked and pointed at the girl. She felt her limbs freeze in place, her shoulders become rigid, her breath suddenly stopping.

He spoke.

“We want the girl.”

This simple sentence, spoken with such authority, provoked an outburst. Her mother stood up, shaking, and faced them.

“You are NOT taking my only child, Rocket scum!” she yelled at them, eyes flaring in anger.

The man’s smirk dropped instantly as he swung his now- flaring gaze to the defiant mother. She winced, penetrated by ice shards flying from his eyes. “You, pitiful wretch, should NEVER speak to us that way! Get her!”

Two behind him ran out to her mommy, eyes blazing from the insult. They charged her, knocking her to the ground, and then pinned her arms behind her back. One got a rope and tied her hands together. She let out a yelp as the rough substance rubbed away at her skin.

Then the one with the ice blue eyes growled, “Get rid of her; she will only prove a hindrance.”

The remaining one clothed in black came and raised a heavy pipe onto her mommy’s head. A sickening crack was heard, and her mommy dropped, suddenly not moving.

And all her child could do was stare.

The man with the icy gaze turned to her, then walked over to her slowly. “We’ll be needing you”, he said shortly, and then suddenly grabbed her up into his arms, where she could not break free.

Though, she still had her Game Boy, which continued to make sounds. He quickly turned it off, and they marched away...

She swiftly took her mind off of the painful memories by observing her surroundings.

All she saw were blank walls, with harsh yellow lights hanging from the ceiling. The constant sound of marching feet reached her sensitive ears; she had always had better hearing than others her age. She heard a fan whirling somewhere nearby; she looked around for it, and was mesmerized by the constant movement...

The line moved onward, and her eyes were focused on the bare walls once more.

The line moved endlessly onward; her young legs couldn't take much more. She felt if she moved another inch, she would crumple into a heap...

As she was feeling such weariness, her thoughts turned to when she had felt exhilaration in her body; running. She loved to run, to race; she wasn't the fastest, but she was the most determined by far. She loved the feel of the adrenaline; she loved the wind her speed whipped up. When she was outside in the night, she felt so energetic, she felt she could run forever. Remembering that feeling, she felt energy again; her eyes lit up, ready to race, ready to run...

But the ever- marching stream would not allow any other pace than what it was moving with. She sunk back unhappily. She looked around once more, and noticed something that greatly perplexed her.

There was no living creature here. She had always been able to see a Rattata or Venonat in a building, but this... place was bare. What more, she could even feel a forbidding air in the place. Since she was outside so much to run and race, she could sense what the Pokemon felt about the place. She went to a field very often, and the Pokemon there had gradually learned to trust her, or at least not let out an alarm call when she approached. When another human came into the spot, one would give out a warning call and all things would seem to freeze. She remembered scampering to a bush, frightened by the sudden lack of noise. When the footsteps faded, everything seemed to hold its' breath to see if it would come back again. Then, something would make a noise, and, realizing the thing they had heard wasn't coming back, the noise would gradually come back until it was the level it was before. She would relax then, not realizing she had been tensing. She never realized why this happened they did until one day...

She had been sitting in the middle of the clearing, enjoying the simple pleasure of listening to the Pokemon go about their daily life. Suddenly, a Pidgey let out the alarm call, and all scampered back into the trees. She remembered scrambling up and heading into the bush, watching with wide eyes. A Rattata was running back, then suddenly it tripped on a stray tree root, letting out a cry as it went down. She could hear the footsteps now, and they approached, bringing the figure of a human into focus. He had a odd red and white sphere in his hand- she remembered it was called a Poke’Ball- and he threw it, calling out, “Go, Charmander!”

An orange lizard popped into existence, its’ tail suddenly sprouting flame. It was rather small, with bright blue eyes. When it saw the Rattata, it seemed to ready itself, holding its’ small claws in front of it. The boy called out, “Scratch!” and the lizard slashed at the small rat with its’ claws. The Rattata let out a confused cry as the claws drew a red mark with three lines, drawing a small bit of blood. It fell into a heap, confused, and the Charmander stepped back, preparing for another attack. The Rattata blinked, and then it seemed to understand something. The boy muttered, “Is this thing even going to fight? It’s no fun that way.” She remembered being shocked- how could this be fun?! The boy, impatient at waiting any longer, called out irritably, “Come on and fight!” The small lizard cocked its’ head, seemingly waiting. The Rattata blinked, realizing the thing that had attacked it wasn’t going to do it again, and suddenly scampered off. Suddenly, it stumbled, letting out a strangled cry as it realized one of it’s legs were injured. Having no hope left of escaping, it painfully crawled back to the boy, and glared at him. Suddenly, it pounced at the lizard, whose eyes widened in surprise at the attack. The flame lizard was knocked back, looking winded. The boy grinned. “I thought it wasn’t going to come back, but it seems to have some fight after all.” She remembered being very confused when he said, “I might as well get it...” Then, he turned to his lizard and called, “One more Scratch!” Again, the lizard lunged, attacking the small rat with its’ claws. The Rattata was knocked back, panting now. It made a final effort to get up, then fell in a heap. The boy grinned, then said something that she didn’t understand at first:

“Poke’ Ball, go!”

He tossed another red and white sphere at the helpless rat, whose eyes widened suddenly and scrambled in the grass in a final, futile effort to escape-

But it was too late.

She watched as the sphere engulfed the rat, turning it into red energy. It was sucked in, and the sphere fell to the ground. It began rocking furiously as its’ contents tried to break out. She was not sure how long it lasted- it seemed like an hour, at least. Finally, the rocking seemed to slow, then stop, and as the button on the middle of the sphere glowed red, she thought she heard a shriek. Grinning, the boy jumped happily. “Yes! I’ll be the best Pokemon trainer ever!” He picked up the ball, and placed it on his belt. He held out his other one, and said, “Return, Charmander.” The Charmander- as it was apparently called- was sucked back into red energy into the sphere. The boy walked away. As soon as he had gone, a wail broke out form the bushes, and a Raticate, who appeared to be the Rattata mother, ran out, calling the piercing wail, pouring out the being’s sorrow for all to hear.

She had never seen anything so revolting.

Wrapped up in her thoughts, she almost didn't notice that the mindless line had begun to come into a different room. She blinked, startled, and looked around. The room was very big, and full of chairs. The line was moving to the chairs, and she was put on the second row. A man in a black uniform walked up to the front, a stitched red marking flashing on his chest, where his heart should be located.

Though, most doubted this so- called ‘heart’ even existed in him...

There was a microphone there, and he looked down upon the silent crowd, with the others in black uniforms surrounding them. He ran a hand through his black hair, looking over all of them. They were all children, acquired from their homes by a group of their people, and all the age of ten. There were many instances like this, yet they all seemed to be the first...

She saw his gaze go over the crowd uninterestedly, then it settled on her.

She suppressed a gasp; he was the one who had carried her, there was no mistaking it. His eyes widened a small amount, and then he smiled, a bit.

The smile seemed to take away some of the sharpness of the gaze, but she still felt very scared about him...

He blinked, then turned and addressed the whole crowd although his gaze did flicker to her every now and then. He then started his speech, allowing a smile to encompass his features to make him seem all the more convincing.

"Welcome, every one of you! I welcome you to a place of greater good!"

The crowd stared at him. Silently, he flicked his hand as a signal. A few in black silently began to follow the instructions.

"We have rescued you from a place of chaos, and brought you to an oasis of order. Here, you will work to restore peace."

His voice was so alluring, smoothly flowing from one word to another... it carried no hints of being the rehearsed speech it was. She forgot about what he had done. Then she thought of that awful boy and Rattata; that must have been what he was talking about. Some part of her, under the voice’s spell, nodded thickly in agreement. What she didn't know was that he was saying random things; if his plan worked, no, when[I], none would remember what he was saying.

"Today is a great day... We have rescued you from the claws of defeat."

He nearly laughed at the blanking looks that were directed at him, yet carefully maintaining his flowing voice and having no sharp spikes in noise...

It was working.

"Every day the sixteenth hour will become the exact value of pi. Pi has never been accurately calculated, and we will make an important scientific discovery..."

She felt memories become fuzzy; something in the air was causing memories to fade...

He was now rambling about the relationship between pi and Friday the 13th.

"Every Friday the 13th, a small cluster of numbers appear. Scientists have researched this, and found they were numbers that make up pi. They have put the numbers together, and today they will reveal the discovery they have made to us."

He was careful not to raise his voice; what he was saying was supposed to make them fall under the silent sleep quicker. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of them begin to take shape, and he glared at it. The vaporous ghost quickly shrank back, becoming invisible again.

"In fact, pi is truly..."

He paused, trying to come up with something random; he was enjoying this.

"...2 plus 2, the equivalent of fish. Long years of research have come to this... now!"

He muttered the last word out of the corner of his mouth, and the ghosts began to form. The crowd was so disoriented, they didn't notice.


He still kept his quiet, calm voice, yet he was frustrated that nobody realized how hard it was to do this. [I]I’m the reason why we have so many members, yet nobody appreciates it... then again, the majority are the victims, so I can’t expect them to know, he reasoned within himself.

The Gastly began their sleep- inducing waves on the crowd. The first row fell into sleep immediately. Instantly, a few of the Gastly came upon those and began using Nightmare on them, sapping away their memories and replacing them with memories of the base.

So they would think they were born here...

The second row was next. A fresh wave of ghosts were sent out, this time some Haunter. The more solid- looking evolution were better at the job. One Gastly and two Haunter approached the girl...

She felt her eyelids drop, and barely saw three things approach her. The Gastly was using Hypnosis; the two Haunter waited until she was asleep to use Nightmare on her.

The Admin didn't want to take any chances.

So he sent one more.

He smiled, then sent out his own Gengar.

As the purple demon materialized, grinning nastily as always, he quietly instructed it.

"Get the girl... make sure it works. You hear me? Don’t mess this one up." he said, adding the last like a warning.

The Gengar nodded, lowering his head a small bit in submission. Then, remembering what he was to do, grinned as only a Gengar could grin.

It floated over to the girl, motioning the others away.

She felt her memories being blown away...

Then, suddenly, it stopped.

She opened her eyes in a small bit of confusion as she was waking up, and saw the great ghost.

The other three were standing back, in wonder of this stronger form of themselves.

The great demon nodded to them silently, and they turned and used Hypnosis on her.

She was asleep instantly.

They kept up the waves, as the purple demon ghost stepped up...

And used Nightmare.

Her memories weren't being swept away anymore; they were being brutally torn apart. Her memories were caught up in the swirling dark tempest, being recuced into mere fizzes of sound and light from the sheer force of the winds. Then, her mind was filled with a strange building she was inside, always...

Suddenly, there was a clash with the black force that was tearing her mind apart. A white flash appeared, and a odd Pokemon appeared, eyes glowing fiercely. Let the girl go, growled a voice, distinctly female. She stared in shock at the figure as she figured out it was what was speaking. Then she blinked in confusion; the mind attack had stopped, and the two were glaring at each other with hatred.

The other growled something angrily that she could not recognize. The other’s eyes flashed. Yes, I know the consequences. But you, taking control of her memories... don’t you remember what they did to us?!? the apparent female growled in warning... and a hint of felt suffering.

The demon’s eyes clouded, and he nodded slowly. The other, apparently female one, sighed. We cannot let the same happen to this child, she said.

The demon suddenly flinched and screamed something, the shot a ball of dark purple at the female figure. Her eyes widened, then she swiftly turned to the watching girl and pressed a clawed hand to her forehead-

Then she slumped to the floor, unconscious, as the the ball of shadow took its’ toll.

The ghosts laughed maniacally, then turned and attacked their unprotected target.

So, she was left with two things to remember.

One was the odd creature who tried to save her...

The other...

Was her name.

My name is Crystal.

I put a little funny thingy in the memory thing. :P Her Game Boy is still playing... XD

EDIT: REVISION! :D This is better, I think... :P I also added a thing that says what was changed, if you wanted to know. :P

26th July 2006, 4:42 AM
Zephyr Sole love the prologue and Chapter 1.


26th July 2006, 11:18 AM
wee new chapter! no mistakes i can pick up, although parts of this chapter are kind of confusing (pi = Fish??XD) any way here comesw the usual spoiler tag.the demons that rescued her. are they Mewtwo and Mew, except since this is an alternate reality Mew is known as Crystal. and did Mewtwo use a shadow ball? i liked the way that the girls mother was murdered in front of herm without even a hint of remorse from the Grunts.

Zephyr Soul
26th July 2006, 5:15 PM
Please spell 'Soul' right Demy. :P

It's odd how you like the Grunt thing. Notice the Game Boy? It actually plays a part in the story... XD

...the demon was a Gengar. O_o Interesting theory, though. :P

I have Chapter 2 done, of course... I started over Chapter 3, though. I got too much into one part and wrote a huge thing about it. :P I'll probably post it as a one- shot... later...

I'll post Chapter 2 when there's more posts. (Meaning new reviewers. :P COME ALL YE NON REPLIES! O.O)

26th July 2006, 8:13 PM
Game Boy, eh?? XD. so is my Crystal = mew theorum correct??

Zephyr Soul
28th July 2006, 3:35 PM
Nope. Besides, Mewtwo hasn't even been created yet... :/
Well, tommorrow I'm going to be leaving until a week from today. O_o Does that make any sense?

BTW, Pirates of the Carribean rocks. *listening to the trailer... again...*

Anyway... I hope for tons of replies and possibly a new reviewer while I'm gone. *goes off to prod non- reviewers with a pineapple borrowed from LC*

28th July 2006, 3:52 PM
hey i read this before but my post wasn't in here (weird). anyway i like it can't wait for next chapter!

29th July 2006, 9:11 PM
yes, it makes perfect sense. so huxxah, i can wait for new chapters!!

30th July 2006, 10:08 AM
How in the hell could I have spelt Soul wrong ? OOww well must of been tired.


Zephyr Soul
5th August 2006, 2:03 AM
HI, I'm back. :)

...actually, I checked on this thread twice while I was gone. :/ But that was unexpected Internet access, so it's okay. :P

ANYWAY. Since I've been gone awhile, it's time for a new chappie. *small sound of clapping from reviewers... then sound of a non- reviewer*

...WHAT WAS THAT?!? *prods with the borrowed pinapple*

...that's better. I've had an insane urge to go and prod someone all the time I was gone. O_o

Well, without much further ado, (what the heck does that mean? O_o) there will be CHAPPIE. Never seen before, actually. (Not planned either. >.>)

This chapter isn't very bad, I don't think. There is an amusing thing... imagine young kids running around with two eggs, then hunching over a third like a chicken or something. XD

...anyway. HERE WE GO.

FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS... this isn't a car... O_o

'Kay, never mind, here ya go. :P

This V2 was apparently also made on Wednesday, August 23, 2006. I rewrote alot then. :P Well... let’s get onto the changes. I greatly extended the part when the sandy haired boy tries to get the Eevee egg. I also gave her a wound I actually have. *holds up right wrist to show very faded scar* The scar looks awesome. ^^ ...anyway, my scar bled alot. I got it from, erm, running with a sharp stick in my pocket. I accidentally put my right wrist too close to it... and got the scar. If you want to know why I was running with that... some other time, ‘kay? :P Well... the sandy haired boy is like, insane about the egg and stuff. He actually knows that the egg is an Eevee, and he only got the Pidgey egg to convince her to trade for a supposed Ho-oh egg. :P He despises Pidgey ‘cause he thinks they’re extremely weak. Which is true, but I love Pidgeot so he sucks. ^^ I added more description to the ‘trick Crystal into thinking a Pidgey is a Ho-oh and trade Eevee for a Pidgey’ part. She now realizes it in a more smart way, instead of the answer randomly appearing. :P There are also some references to her wrist hurting... erm, I never washed my cut. :/ It’s fine though. I just picked the scabs ‘till there was a scar. I wanted the scar ‘cause it looks awesome. *looks around shiftily* Erm... the scar was made from the Eagle Talon, the name of the stick. ^^ *scurries away*

That up there and this was made on Thursday, August 24, 2006. *does one final spell check in case I missed doing it again*

Chapter 2

Starting Over Again

In the auditorium, there was a noticeable change in the new recruits. They looked back at the head Admin with expecting eyes; the Gastly, Haunter, and his Gengar had been returned shortly. A moment before, they had been yelling in confusion as their memories had been sapped away, to be replaced by unfamiliar ones which were filled with images of endless blank halls and watching Pokémon fight. A feeling was placed in them, too; a burning desire to have a Pokémon of their own. One ‘memory’ stood out in their tampered minds; today, they would achieve that desire.

Crystal set her eyes upon the figure, who began to speak.

All pretense had vanished now; he spoke with a cold voice.

“You all know why you are here. You will start to serve the same Team that raised you, taught you everything you know.”

A few of the children shifted; they had odd memories they didn’t how how they could have. The head Admin set a cold gaze on them.

“If there is any confusing ‘memories’ in your head, it is because a Kadabra has lost control of her powers somewhat. Rest assured, however, she has been disciplined.

“Now, the time has come.” The new recruits began buzzing excitedly. “In a few moments, you will be able to choose three Pokemon eggs in which you will be able to hatch, then train. It is essential that they are hatched, so they will obey commands more easily.” The murmurs of excitement grew louder, and the Admin put his hand, signaling the need for quiet. They were silent immediately. “I and others will be overseeing to make sure no one gets... injured. We have been through this long enough to know that many are... eager to get their own Pokémon. You might obtain more as you go on, but only if you have been proved worthy.” Crystal stared at him with wide, happy eyes; she was imagining what Pokémon she would get... “On the count of three, the eggs will be revealed.” People were pushing past her in an effort to get to the eggs first. “One...” Crystal stood, dumbfounded, before she regained sense to move along. “...two...” People were pushing to the front. “...three.” Instantly, a curtain, previously unseen, drew up behind him. With a wild cry, all the recruits surged forward as one.

Behind the curtains, there was a massive amount of Pokémon eggs, all differently marked. They were placed in strategic positions, so that they wouldn’t get jostled around as much by the eager young legs running between them. Crystal ran blindly, looking down at the eggs, trying to see an egg that appealed to her. There were ‘guards’ placed around the eggs, occasionally stepping forward to break up scuffles. She tried to think of something that she liked; she’d like something, plain, simple... Ah! She saw a dusty brown and creamy white striped egg, and stooped down to pick it up. Instantly, she felt another pair of hands grasping the egg. She looked up to see a dusty haired boy glaring at her, panting, eyes wild.

“MINE!” he shouted, taken by some strange notion, pulling in an attempt to get the egg. She hugged it close to her; she didn’t want the poor creature inside to get damaged. His pulls grew more and more vigorous, his desire to get this particular egg driving him to extreme measures. Eyes flashing seemingly burning desire, he let go with one hand and madly scratched down Crystal’s arm. She cried out in pain, and let go with one hand to look at the red welts that were rising below the right wrist. One, near the vein, looked deep; through her watering eyes with pain- induced tears, she saw it was bleeding deeply. With merely one arm participating in the tug- o- war, the boy let out a triumphant cry and yanked powerfully on her egg, when he was suddenly pulled sharply with twice the force he had just emitted. With a startled cry, he looked up to see the head Admin glaring at him.

“No fights”, he growled, tossing him aside and stalking away. Then, he looked back, and she thought she saw a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. With a smile of thanks, Crystal held onto the egg carefully, favoring her wounded arm. She looked around again; the scuffle had taken some time. Some had already gotten three eggs, and were hunched on the ground, giving a look to challenge all that said ‘just try to take them from me!’

Some were trading eggs, some were running awkwardly with two eggs in each hand. Crystal quickly adverted her eyes to the ground once more; she needed to find the eggs, and fast. She saw the boy again, grasping another dusty tan egg, but not striped. She swiftly looked for an egg she liked. She found a dark colored one with a fire shape on it, and picked it up without hesitation. Next to that one, she saw an olive green one with a jaw mark on it. She ran over to it, picked it up, carried it over to her other two, and hunched protectively over all three of her eggs. The scurrying around her was fading as more and more found their eggs. Carefully, she looked around to see what the others had gotten. The sandy- haired boy that had fought her for the first egg had the dusty tan one with a feather shape on it; she hadn’t noticed it before. He also had another black one with a fire symbol on it, but this one had a bone shape on it that was on fire. His third egg was purple, with and odd sword- like mark on it. He saw her, and his eyes took in her eggs. He seemed to be about to get up, when, suddenly, the head Admin’s voice rang out.

“Now that you all apparently have your eggs, I will come and tell you what Pokémon will hatch out of them. Since I know I cannot stop it, you are free to trade eggs once you learn of what it contains. But be sure you are prepared to use all means necessary to make it loyal. There is no room in this Team for weaklings and those unloyal to our main goal.”

There was muttering after he spoke. Crystal was confused; what was the Team’s main goal?

Heedless to the mutterings, he announced, “I will start now.” Walking to a black- haired boy, he began telling him what his black eggs with a pink feather symbol on it was.

Crystal watched with interest. With her great hearing, she could her what he was saying. “This egg is a Sneasel”, he said to the boy. “A Dark Ice type.” He turned his attention to a blue egg with red spike symbols on it. “This is a Totodile. A Water type, it will evolve into Croconaw and then Feraligator. It has very good... biting skills.” He winced a bit, as if from a memory, then looked at the last one, another purple one with a coil symbol on it.

Crystal was interrupted by a nudge. She turned around in confusion, and saw the sandy- haired boy who had tried to get the first egg. “Hey”, he said. The wild light was still in his eyes, she noticed, though it had dimmed somewhat. He had brought his three eggs with him. He was holding the brown one, only he had turned it so that the feather symbol was on the back. “Would you like to trade your egg there?” He nodded towards her tan egg.

Crystal winced, remembering the pain he had inflicted upon her. The wound was still bleeding. “Wouldn’t you like to know what the eggs are first?” she asked, confusion overriding her instinctive urge to get away.

He smiled slyly. “I already know what our eggs are”, he boasted, grinning now. “Would you like me to tell you?”

“Yes, please!” she said, eyes shining with hope, pain momenttarily forgotten. She was hoping to get a good one...

“Your egg”, he stated with a smirk, “is a puny Pidgey. It’s a tiny bird, and very weak.” Crystal’s face fell. “However, I’m willing to trade you my Pokémon.”

Surely his is better than mine... “I might. What is it?”

He grinned. “This”, he announced proudly, “is a legendary Pokemon!” Her eyes widened in dismay. “Want me to explain?” he asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “This is the legendary Ho-oh. It watches from the skies, ready to descend when the world is in a state of great need.”

At least that explains the feather... but why is he hiding it? Crystal was confused. “But I thought there was only one Ho-oh”, she protested. In her mind, she imagined thousands of Ho-oh flying in the skies, and her watching as they gracefully curved in the air...

“There is.” The picture silently combusted. “But you thought Legendary Pokemon were immortal, didn’t you?” She nodded. “That’s what most think. The truth is, just before death, Legendary Pokémon lay an egg. Then, it dies, and the egg hatches instantly with the memories infused within it. I think that the Legendary Pokémon’s body has something to do with it. There’s some special fluid that attaches the memories to the hatched one’s brain.”

Crystal blinked, suddenly finding a flaw. “...but, if that is the legendary Ho-oh, then why is it not hatched?”

His eyes widened. “Uh... Um... Err...”

She smiled as a possible answer presented itself. “Actually, I think that you have the Pidgey, and I have something else.” She felt an odd sense of pleasure when he winced at her realization.

There was a slow clapping behind them. “Well done. Indeed, his is a Pidgey.” Startled, they turned around to see the Admin, his black hair standing out. He nodded, amused by their surprised expressions but not showing it. “You both want me to tell you what eggs you have, do you not?”

Crystal nodded, but the boy shoved in front of her, holding still his Pidgey egg. “Tell me!” he demanded hotly, the wild look in his eyes raging.

The Admin looked curiously at those eyes. He seemed to like the look in them... “Alright. As you know already, that egg is a Pidgey. A Normal Flying type, it will evolve into Pidgeotto, and then Pidgeot. Pidgey is rather weak, but once it’s Pidgeot, it will be very, very fast- one of the fastest non- Legendary Pokemon.” He smiled.

As the boy looked on, awestruck, he added, “And I will tell you that no Legendary Pokemon will be hatched from the egg by humans.” Crystal thought she heard a small, displeased sigh. “It has already been tried. Now, show me your other two eggs.”

The boy happily got them, setting his Pidgey egg on the floor, eyes daring anyone to take it. He got his black and purple eggs, and turned so the Admin could see them.

The Admin’s eyes widened. “Those are some good eggs there”, he commented. “That black egg is the Dark Fire type, Houndour. It is very strong, and will evolve into Houndoom.” He nodded toward his other egg. “This is a Seviper, the Fang Snake Pokemon. It will have no evolutions, but it is very strong. The only complication is that you should never let it be near a Zangoose. They have a never ending feud that passes down through the eggs, since Zangoose hunt the Seviper eggs and Seviper in turn slash away at the Zangoose. However, each side has adapted to this; Zangoose are immune to poison, which Seviper specialize in, and a Seviper can shed its’ skin swiftly to get away or get rid of a old status alignment.” The boy nodded, his face still aglow, and hurried back to his Pidgey egg with his other two eggs, and hunched over them as if he could hatch and protect them with his own body.

The Admin sighed and turned to the other child. He blinked in surprise, a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. Well, he did help me before... she thought. “Do you want to know yours, too?”, he asked her. She nodded vigorously. “Yes!” she said excitedly. If that boy had gotten good ones, she could only imagine what she would get...

She brought the eggs out one at a time. First, she brought out the brown egg. Again, the Admin’s eyes widened. “I can see why he wanted that egg”, he commented. “That egg is an Eevee; it’s the only Pokemon ever that can evolve into five different creatures. Flareon, the Fire type, is from a Fire Stone; it can breathe extremely hot flames. Vaporeon, the Water type, is from the Water Stone; it has very high defense and can actually melt into water if you train it well enough. Jolteon, the Electric type, is from the Thunder Stone; it’s one of the fastest Pokémon ever! Then, there’s two special evolutions that aren’t from any Stone. Espeon, the Psychic type, and Umbreon, the Dark type. When the Eevee is... loyal enough, it will evolve into Espeon at day, and Umbreon at night. Espeon has very strong Psychic abilities; it can also sense things a very far distance away. Umbreon is very resistant; it can smell things the same distance away.”

Crystal’s eyes widened. No wonder he wanted that egg! Grinning, he put her Eevee egg back and got her black and red egg.

He smiled. “You’ve gotten good eggs too, from what I see. That right there is a Cyndaquil. It will evolve into Quilava, and then Typhlosion. When you train it to become Typhlosion, when it’s strong enough, it can rub the flames on it’s back against its’ combustible skin to make a massive explosion! It’s fire attacks are a sight to behold.”

Grinning again, Crystal put the Cyndaquil egg back and brought out her last one. I wonder what this one is?

His eyes widened considerably. “Actually... i have no idea.” She sighed. “I think I might know, but... well, I think it must be some other specie”, he muttered to himself. He sighed, then added to her, “You may want to keep a close eye on that one, actually. There’s no telling what kind it is, and when it’ll hatch.”

She nodded silently. One can’t get all good eggs, I suppose. She smiled slightly, looking over her eggs.

XD I like this one... hope you liked it too. :P

...again, Pirates of the Carribean rocks. *listening to credits now*

Edit: Second revision. :P Hope you enjoy...

5th August 2006, 1:12 PM
Not bad a little confusting when there where bith finding out what pokeon eggs they had.

But overall 4/5


Zephyr Soul
15th August 2006, 2:33 AM
No chappie now, sorry. ^^ <-- my new smiley :D

I'm going to require more replies before I post it. XD I've been too chappie- giving.

I'm working on chapter 4, by the way. XD

Soo.... more replies, please. ^^ <-- soon-to-be overused smiley

Edit: I'm obsessed with Pirates. O.O I have the soundtrack, and I listen to it endlessly. ^^

15th August 2006, 2:51 PM
well I hope so more reviews come along because I want chapter 3 to be put up.

Zephyr Soul
20th August 2006, 9:14 PM
*returns from prodding non- reviewers with the pineapple endlessly*


Annnndd... this post is on page 2! yay! =D <- better than the puny :D
*has a small celebration which involves sitting endlessly and scratching a cat*

Anyway, I'm at my grandparent's house, so I can't write. :( Or post a chapter... not that I would anyway. XD I am evil.

Soo... I hope I'm allowed to bump my own thread. ^^ If not, too bad, ha! :P

*Leaves a note saying "REPLY EVERYONE" and returns to the endless prodding with the borrowed pineapple*

20th August 2006, 11:56 PM
geez i forgot about this... anyway nice new chapter. and you should post your new one when you can. see what happens when you procrastinate! now you can't post the next chappie even if you wanted to!

Zephyr Soul
27th August 2006, 3:02 AM
WHEE. My Internet was down for five days. >.>

...BUT I finished Chapter 4 and started Chapter 5. ^^ And, I rewrote some of some chapters... and put a thing where it listed the changes. :P I might put it up soon... now I have to go somewhere else. *scurries off to other site I go to* ^^

6th September 2006, 8:26 AM
EDIT: Uber long review alert!

Fine, fine. You wanted more replies? Well, here's one more for a start. :)
Sorry for the delay though, I have a rather long list of fics to catch up on... o.o"

First, some error-checking:

Wincing, she took her mind off f it with looking at her sourroundings.

Three anomalies in one sentence! Get rid of the stray "f", "with" should be "while" and "sourroundings" is spelt as "surroundings".

One Gastly and two Haunter the girl...

Something is missing between "Haunter" and "the"...

Then she blinked in confusion; the mind attack had stopped, and the two were glaring at eachother with hatred.
Separate the Siamese twins, please!

They quieted immediately.

Well, it's not wrong, but that choice of words really does sound strange...

There is in room in this Team for weaklings and those unloyal to our main goal.

I think you mean "no" there. :p

He nodded toward her tan egg.
"Towards". One of the words that always has an "s" behind it.

(Note- I accidentally forgot the ‘g’ the first time. XDDD)
Author's notes like these are better left off until the end of the chapter, since they REALLY interrupt the mood and flow of the story. You could always quote out the part which you are referring to when you do notes like these after telling us the story.

On with the review...

Well, my review in the old thread still holds for the prologue and chapter 1.
Now, about chapter 2...

You could use a little improvement in your description department. "Show, don't tell" is what many great stories offer, and alot of your sentences here "tell" what is happening, for example:

Crystal was interrupted by a nudge. She turned around in confusion, and saw the sandy- haired boy who had tried to get the first egg. “Hey”, he said. The wild light was still in his eyes, she noticed, though it had dimmed somewhat. He had brought his three eggs with him. He was holding the brown one, only he had turned it so that the feather symbol was on the back. “Would you like to trade your egg there?” He nodded toward her tan egg.

I'm not the best author around, but this is how I would have worded it to "show" what was happening:

Suddenly, a nudge from behind broke her attention on the Admin's interesting appraisal. Whirling around in confusion, she noticed that annoying sandy-haired boy who had tried to rob her of her precious egg earlier, eyes still burning with a wild fire, though now slightly dimmed. He still seemed eager enough to try and snatch her egg away, but now he had his hands full holding his own brown egg which, oddly enough, had been turned so that the feather symbol was hidden from her view.

"Hey, would you like to trade your egg there?" He asked while nodding towards her tan egg.
:/ A little long, but I think you'll get what I'm trying to say. The main difference here is that I've replaced alot of the "was" and "had" with action verbs. Those two words there tend to give a "picture comic book" feel instead of a "flowing movie" feel.
Don't get me wrong, you're already pretty good at writing stories! It's just that I feel that you still have potential for improvement, but don't try to force yourself into writing with a different style... Just improve as you go along, and all will be fine. :)

Enough of the bitter advice, now for some sweet praise! :D

“If there is any confusing ‘memories’ in your head, it is because a Kadabra has lost control of her powers somewhat. Rest assured, however, she has been disciplined.

What a smooth liar! >:O

"Now that you have all gotten your eggs, I will come and tell you what Pokémon will hatch out of them."
Gee, that seems awfully nice for a hardened Rocket Admin!

His eyes widened considerably. “Actually... i have no idea.” She sighed. “I think I might know, but... well, I think it must be some other specie”, he muttered to himself. He sighed, then added to her, “You may want to keep a close eye on that one, actually. There’s no telling what kind it is, and when it’ll hatch.”
This one just screams "LEGENDARY EGG. WAITING FOR RIGHT OWNER." Hopefully it's not what I think it is... :p

She nodded silently. One can’t get all good eggs, I suppose. She smiled slightly, looking over her eggs.
Nope. One can't get all the good eggs. She just got the best ones. :D

6th September 2006, 10:02 AM
How many reviews do you want Zephyr Soul ?

6th September 2006, 8:14 PM
i was gonna say something then i realized something else!

anyway zephyr you could post your next chapter some people get no reviews and still post chaps... so i will post here again whence the chap is up only...

Zephyr Soul
6th September 2006, 10:02 PM
I didn't post a chapter yet, because of advice from a certain author... :P

ANYWAY. Thanks for the amusing review. :P

IT'S NOT A LEGENDARY EGG. :/ I really HATE people who write stories, with them training legendaries... unless it's realistic, like something happened to that one causing them to basically serve the stupid trainer. :/ Besides, it's already explained that they don't hatch for humans. ^^

Well... I'll just go and fix the mistakes, then... I'LL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER. XD You people will really like it... I hope.. well, I liked it, and that's good enough for me. :P

Edit: YAY. I did it... but since I'm evil, I'll wait for someone else to post so I can post the chapter. :P *posts and waits*

Edit #2: YAY! Revisions of Chapters 1 and 2 are up. :P GO READ... and also reply so I can post Chapter 3. :P