View Full Version : Ash's REAL! Adventure!

Mario Man
13th July 2006, 2:55 AM
This is Ash's real Adventure! He doesn't have Pikachu in this story, but better thing's happen. So Here we Go!

Chapter 1: Charmander Chills

"Wake up, Ash"! Called out Delia. "You'll be late for your Pokemon adventure"!

"I'll be downstairs in 5 minutes mom"! Hollered Ash.

"I can't believe my little boy is growing up!" Delia said in her mind. Soon after that, Ash walked Downstairs.

"Well, I'm ready". Said Ash as he was walking out the door.

"Well, bye Ash! Come back in visited me anytime you want". Delia cried.

"Bye Mom". Ash Said. Then, He walked up to Oak's lab.

"Well, hello Ash"! Pro. Oak said as Ash walked into his lab.

"Hi, Pro. Oak"! Ash said excitedly. "Where's my Pokemon?"

"Ready for you, as you requested!" Pro Oak Said. Pro. Oak then pointed to the Pokeball, Ash then threw the pokeball and a Charmander Came out. "Char-Char!" The eager Charmander Cried.

"Hey, Pro. Oak, what's wrong with that Charmander? Ash said dispointed. The Charmander was a Very Bright Orange Charmander.

"Well Ash. This is a Shiny Pokemon. A Shiny Pokemon is Very Rare! It is harder to find than a Legendary Pokemon!" Pro. Oak said.

"Wow! Thanks Pro. Oak!" Ash Cried.

"Ash. While you are out on your journey, I want you to do something for me. I want you to find this Pokemon." Pro Oak Then pointed to the PokeDex. It had this to Say.

Dragonite: the Mythical Pokemon. "Dragonite is so rare, very few people ever see it."

"I want you to find this Pokemon and catch it for me Ash. In reward, i'm giving you this shiny Charmander."

Thanks Pro. Oak!" Ash Said.

"Well, good luck!" said Pro. Oak Excitedly. But, before Ash had a chance to say goodbye, he was out the door. Ash then walked down a path and into Viridan City. Quickly, He left Viridian City to try to go into the Viridian forest. Just as he was about to enter the Forest, A Young Kid, about his age, was blocking the enterance.

The Young Boy Said "Are you a pokemon trainer?"

"Yes. Why?" Asked Ash.

"HA! My name is Gary, and I want to challenge you to a battle!" Gary said.

"Bring It On!" Said Ash.


Tomorrow, I will Post Chapter 2.

Here are somethings that happen in Chapter 2

Ash Battles Gary Against his Blastoise
Ash Gets Stung By A Beedrill
Ash Battles Brock

There are some errors in Quotation Marks But I will fix that tomorrow.

Get Ready To Read Chapter 2!!!!!

Yami Ryu
13th July 2006, 2:59 AM
Paragraphs: Use these as your basic unit of composition. Each paragraph should be used to set forth a single idea. If a paragraph seems to long, it probably contains multiple ideas, and should be split up for clarity. If it seems too short, expand on the idea.

Sentences: A sentence should contain exactly one action or statement of existence. If it contains more than one, split it into two or more. If it contains less than one, finish the sentence. Run-on sentences are often confusing, while fragments make the reader feel that something is missing.

Description: Make sure that your reader can visualize what is happening. Don't just say something like "Joe walked along enjoying the scenery". This gives no indication of whether the scenery he is enjoying is a redwood forest, a beach at sunset, or the Grand Canyon.

A description is not just a list of attributes. When describing a character, don't just list their name, age, height, weight, hair color, and current pokemon team. Bring this information out gradually when the person appears in a story. Don't have Joe meet a trainer named Fred who is 12 years old, has green eyes and red hair, is three and a half feet tall, and whose pokemon are squirtle, pikachu, butterfree, grimer, tauros, and krabby. Have Joe see a short, red-haired kid with startlingly green eyes, and talk to him. Have names mentioned early in the conversation. The pokemon may be either revealed in a battle, or introduced individually during the conversation.

:/ I think this covers it nicely. And I don't think I have to point out how bad this first chapter was. Or flat. Or how shallow it was. Or just how overall it was just plain trash worthy.