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Mario Man
16th July 2006, 4:06 AM
In Kanto, there lives a boy and a girl. Brother and Sister. Bart & Lisa. In Kanto, they start there own journeys, with their own Pokemon, and become known rivals of the Kanto Region. With their friends, they all have one reality: Becoming The Kanto Region Elite Four Champion. What will happen? Who Will Win? Welcome to:

Bart Or Lisa? Rivals At Pokemon.


Chapter 1: Reach For the Sun

The Kanto region is home to many pokemon, people, places, and trainers. In the sunlight there holds one task for trainers of all kind: Reach For The Sun.

"Bart! I'm getting my starter Pokemon today and I want to look nice for it! Do you have to keep turning the shower water Hot and Cold as you flush the toilet?" Moaned Lisa, loudly in the shower.

"Sorry Lis. They come as they go." Bart Told Lisa as he continued to flush the Toilet.

''Kids! Stop fighting up there! Don't make me get Manchoke up there!" Screamed Marge.

"Sorry!" Said Bart and Lisa at the same time.

Meanwhile, in the other room...

"Slowking!" Homer screamed! "Can you go to work for me instead?"

"Now Homer! I told you that I am your Pokemon and that I help you at work but, For The 7,239th Time! I do not go to work for you!" Slowking Hollered just like he does everyday.

"But I Want to see my kids leave and become Pokemon Masters! Doesn't me making you evolve good enough!" Homer Hollered.

"Homer, I want you to know three things! Number 1! Why don't you call in late and tell them that your kids are leaving to become Pokemon Masters. Number 2, I want to see Bart and Lisa leave too! Were all good friends! And Number 3! You did make me evolve! Carl Did! Even when he showed you, you still didn't understand it! So, He did it for you!" Slowking Hollered for the second time today.

As Slowking, left the room, Homer hollered under his breath "Go Figure."
_______________________________________________

Later, in Pro Oak's Lab, Six Kids, Bart, Lisa, Sherri, Terri, Nelson, and Milhouse were picking out their started Pokemon in the Lab. While the parents were talking with Pro. Oak. Here were the six starter Pokemon to choose from.

;155; ;113; ;025; ;147; ;133; ;261;


"I'll choose Cyndaquil!" Lisa Said.
"I'll choose Dratini!" Bart Said.
"I'll choose Pikachu!" Milhouse Said.
"I'll choose Chansey!" Sherri Said.
"I'll choose Eevee!" Terri Said.
"I'll choose Poochyena!" Nelson Said.

Once The Kids Picked There Starter Pokemon, It was time for them to go. But, before they left, Pro. Oak wanted to see how they can battle. So, every kid battled each other.

Bart vs. Milhouse
Lisa vs. Nelson
Sherri vs. Terri


First Battle: Bart vs. Milhouse

"Okay Dratini, show them what your made of! Dratini-Dra!" Dratini said it was released.

"Pikachu, Kick the pants off that Dratini! Chu-Chu Pika!" Pikachu Cried in an Odd way.

"Dratini! Pikachu! Use Thunder Wave!" Bart & Milhouse Screamed at the Same time! But in the End, it was clear that Dratini Dodged the Thunder Wave and Pikachu was hit with it.

"Dratini, let's Finished the Battle! Used Dragon Claw!"Bart Commanded. It hit Pikachu so hard, that smoke cleared the Stadium! But, When The Smoke Cleared, Pikachu stood right in it's spot. A minute passed, and just as Milhouse was gonna Command a Thundershock attack, Pikachu fell and fainted.

"Dratini Is The Winner! The victory goes to Bart!" Pro. Oak Cried.

Second Battle: Lisa vs. Nelson

"Cyndaquil, you can't lose! Cynda-Cynda!" Cyndaquil Cried.
"Poochyena, take the field! Poochyena!" Poochyena Cried.

"Cyndaquil, use Ember and then use Scratch!" Lisa Cried.
"Poochyena, Dodge and then use Tackle!" Nelson Cried.

Both attacks hit and did half damage to each pokemon. But, Poochyena was more weak from Dodging Ember.

Cyndaquil, Finish this with Fire Spin! Lisa Cried.

Cyndaquil was trapped in the Fire Spin! But, just as the battle seemed over, Poochyena broke free from the Fire Spin and used Bite without Nelson even Commanding it. In The End, it was just to much for Cyndaquil and it was knocked out!

"Poochyena is the winner! The victory goes to Nelson!" Pro. Oak said.


Third Battle: Sherri vs. Terri

"Chansey! Come on out! Chansey-Chansey!" Chansey Cried!

"Eevee! Win this for me! Eevee!" Eevee Cried.

"Chansey! Use Egg Bomb on Eevee!" Sherri Cried.

"Eevee! Use Take Down!" Terri Cried.

Just as Eevee was an Inch away from hitting Chansey, Chansey Released it's Egg Bomb on Eevee, sending eevee into the Air and making it very weak.

"Chansey! Finish The Battle with Doubleslap! Sherri Cried.

Chansey Attacked Eevee at Full-Force when using Doubleslap. Eevee was confused and bruised so much, it fell to the ground, Knocked out.

"Chansey Is The winner! The victory goes to Sherri!" Pro. oak said.
_______________________________________________

Everybody was now ready to leave Pallet Town!

Bart and Lisa said Goodbye to Homer, Marge, Maggie, and Slowking.

Milhouse said goodbye to his Mom and Dad.

Sherri & Terri said goodbye to there Mother and Father.

Nelson said goodbye to his Mother.

Pro. Oak gave Each kid a PokeDex, 5 PokeBalls, and 3000 Pokedollars to each kid. Except, he Gave Bart, Nelson, and Sherri 5000 Pokedollars because they won their Pokemon battles.
_______________________________________________

Later, I will Post Chapter 2: Brock. Onix Or Geodude?

IceKing
16th July 2006, 4:23 AM
I know you've posted fanfictions before, so posting stuff this horrible is really not as excusable.

Read the rules first hand! the standards at Serebii are kinda high, so crap is generally not tolerated =/ You have to make this is a somewhat good piece of writing, not slop mixed in a few minutes. To improve writing, read the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread, if you need more help, post in that thread .

And please acknowledge the fact your using Simpsons charachters. Which is why I'm posting, I can't bare to see my favorite charachters defiled!


So yeah, you have to put real effort into what you write

Mario Man
16th July 2006, 5:27 PM
Now iceKing, this is not horrible writing, I am writing more.

Here is The First Pokemon they catch

Bart catches a Kangaskhan (Not Kiddding)

Lisa Catches a Beautifly

Nelson catches a Manchop

Sheri & terri Both Catch Clefaries

Milhouse catches an Voltorb

HarleyScarow
16th July 2006, 5:36 PM
Let me lend you a hand...

Later, in Pro Oak's Lab, Six Kids, Bart, Lisa, Sherri, Terri, Nelson, and Milhouse were picking out their started Pokemon in the Lab. While the parents were talking with Pro. Oak. Here were the six starter Pokemon to choose from.

"I'll choose Cyndaquil!" Lisa Said.
"I'll choose Dratini!" Bart Said.
"I'll choose Pikachu!" Milhouse Said.
"I'll choose Chansey!" Sherri Said.
"I'll choose Eevee!" Terri Said.
"I'll choose Poochyena!" Nelson Said.

Said, said, said, said, said, said, said is f*cking crap, so get rid of that part. For example, in the first sentence, it was Bart, Lisa, Sherri, Terri, Nelson, and Milhouse. So you could have said respectively.

And the smilies you added were sh*t. Take them out and DON'T DO THAT.

Here's what you did wrong with the battle, and I'll fix it for you.


First Battle: Bart vs. Milhouse

"Okay Dratini, show them what your made of! Dratini-Dra!" Dratini said it was released.

"Pikachu, Kick the pants off that Dratini! Chu-Chu Pika!" Pikachu Cried in an Odd way.

"Dratini! Pikachu! Use Thunder Wave!" Bart & Milhouse Screamed at the Same time! But in the End, it was clear that Dratini Dodged the Thunder Wave and Pikachu was hit with it.

"Dratini, let's Finished the Battle! Used Dragon Claw!"Bart Commanded. It hit Pikachu so hard, that smoke cleared the Stadium! But, When The Smoke Cleared, Pikachu stood right in it's spot. A minute passed, and just as Milhouse was gonna Command a Thundershock attack, Pikachu fell and fainted.

"Dratini Is The Winner! The victory goes to Bart!" Pro. Oak Cried.
When a trainer commands their respective Pokemon, you don't hafta say who commanded it, because we're smart enough to know who has who. HOWEVER, if it was someone in the crowd giving advice, like "so-and-so, use so-and-so!" you can end with "advised person. You're misusing diolouge direction.

All in all, go to the ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS. This looks like it has potential, but do more than tell us the obvious.

42
16th July 2006, 5:59 PM
In Kanto, there lives a boy and a girl. Brother and Sister. Bart & Lisa. In Kanto, they start there own journeys, with their own Pokemon, and become known rivals of the Kanto Region. With their friends, they all have one reality: Becoming The Kanto Region Elite Four Champion. What will happen? Who Will Win? Welcome to:

Bart Or Lisa? Rivals At Pokemon.


Chapter 1: Reach For the Sun

The Kanto region is home to many pokemon, people, places, and trainers. In the sunlight there holds one task for trainers of all kind: Reach For The Sun.

"Bart! I'm getting my starter Pokemon today and I want to look nice for it! Do you have to keep turning the shower water Hot and Cold as you flush the toilet?" Moaned Lisa, loudly in the shower.

"Sorry Lis. They come as they go." Bart Told Lisa as he continued to flush the Toilet.

''Kids! Stop fighting up there! Don't make me get Manchoke up there!" Screamed Marge


^
I'm a Simpsons fan. But this, is horrible. You gave no detail. You didn't tell anyone if it took place 2 years later in the series, which would have had happen so Lisa was old enough to get a Pokemon. If someone never watched the Simpsons before, they would hate this.

HarleyScarow
16th July 2006, 6:01 PM
That's right, SHOW don't TELL!

Leon Phelps
16th July 2006, 6:02 PM
This was lacking in description. I didn't know what the characters looked like at all. Were Bart, Homer, and Lisa yellow? Did Bart have a spikey head? Did Homer have a beer belly? Describe!

The battle scene was lacking and inaccurate. Wow, I didn't know Dratini had claws. Dragon Claw? Dratini and Pikachu used T-Wave. I couldn't tell what the hell happened because you didn't describe. I'm going to pretend like I know nothing about Pokemon. What does a Thunder Wave look like? WHAT DOES A DRATINI LOOK LIKE?

Read the Advice thread and other fics m'kay Mr. Mackey.

~Leon P.

ShamanJewel
16th July 2006, 6:08 PM
How come you didnt put the original starters and maybe the other three from Johto instead of putting all those pokemon that cant even be found close to pros lab. And you cant even get Cyndaquil or Poochyena in Kanto!

Leon Phelps
16th July 2006, 6:17 PM
How come you didnt put the original starters and maybe the other three from Johto instead of putting all those pokemon that cant even be found close to pros lab. And you cant even get Cyndaquil or Poochyena in Kanto!
Maybe he wanted to be original.

Zephyr Flare
16th July 2006, 7:26 PM
Dude, read the TWO treads I put up for writers. There is no excuse for rule breaking.

Going down.


Sandra