View Full Version : The Birds and the Beedrills (the completely remastered edition)

21st July 2006, 4:55 AM
and by completely remastered, I mean a single word was changed since I don't feel like doing anything else.

(guess which part was changed and you get a prize)


The Birds and the Beedrills

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

The words that came out of his daughter's mouth almost made his heart jump to his throat. How could he explain “the birds and the beedrills” to his innocent daughter?

“Umm... let's see...” He was straining on what exactly to say to his little girl. “When a man and woman love each other...”

“Which man and woman?”

“Errrr... why do you ask Olivia?”

“Olivia needs to know what the man and woman looks like to complete Olivia's mental picture.” The way his precocious little girl said what she said could easily soften even the hardest of hearts. How could he refuse?

“Well... um... who do you suggest?” He asked, only to find Olivia wasn't paying attention to him, instead her eyes appeared to be following something he couldn't see at all.

“Sweety? Are you listening to me?”

The words snapped Olivia back into reality. “Olivia's sorry daddy, Olivia was following a piece of dust as it was dancing in the sunlight.” While adorable, it was kinda hard to keep her attention for too long, with her ADD and all. “How about daddy and mommy?” She said as she remembered the question her father asked.

His heart leaped to his throat a second time. How can he explain how he met his wife and expect his daughter to understand? The circumstances of how they met were most unusual, but his daughter was so eager to know, he couldn't refuse her at all.

“Well, it all began with a pokemon battle...”


A young man was walking down a road on his way to the next town, he appeared to be about fifteen years or so, but he seemed confident enough in his abilities as a trainer. Suddenly something rustled in the bushes nearby. Perhaps it was a pokemon of some kind. Being the rash individual he was, he threw the pokeball. His aim was on the mark as he whipped the pokeball straight at the hidden target.


“Yes! Bullseye!...” The the trainer rejoiced until he realized something. “...Wait, did I just hear what I thought I heard?”

Suddenly whatever the trainer smacked with the pokeball revealed itself from the bushes. It wasn't a pokemon, but a human being. A human girl to be precise.

“Oww... what did you do that for!” She yelled as she adjusted her glasses.

The man quickly apologized for his mistake. “Sorry about that, I thought you were a pokemon and...”

“Enough talking, let's battle!” The girl proposed.

The man gazed in utter shock. “What? But why?”

“You owe me one for knocking me upside with that pokeball.” She rubbed her head where the ball beaned her. It looked like it had to hurt. “Besides, you look weak.”

“I'm not weak at all, and I'll prove it by beating you!” He instinctively chose a pokeball. He always relied on his gut in battle, and it was telling him that the pokeball he chose would be a real winner.

“Go Pan! I choose you!”

The trainer flung the pokeball, as it was flying through the air, it opened and a brilliant white energy materialized and took the form of a pokemon. It wasn't a big pokemon by far, it was one of the small pink ones that are often the pets of little girls.

“Clefairy!” The creature's battle cry was a bit deeper then your average clefairy's, suggesting that it was a male member of the species.

The female trainer could help but laugh at her opponent's choice, this should be a cakewalk. Even for her weakest pokemon, which was just who she chose.

“Here we go, Gallica!” She cried as she tossed her pokeball, just as the first, a bright light flashed as the energy materialized into another pokemon, it was another small pokemon, green in colour this time, with red and blue roses for hands.

“Rozlei!” Was this creature's cry. It waved it's roses around in what looked like a curtsy of some kind.

Pan was keeping an eye on his opponent as he awaited for his trainer's command. It may be small, but you can't underestimate any pokemon, regardless of size or typing.

“Use pound Pan!” as fast as his short stumpy legs can move, the clefairy hustled towards the roselia to take a swipe at it. However at the very last second, the roselia dodged it and Pan missed.

“Gallica, try a mega drain!” the girl commanded, the roselia aimed her rose at the clefairy, and a strange feeling overcame him, it felt like energy was being sapped from his body as a green wisp of energy came flying out of his body. The sparkling green wisp flew right towards the roselia's rose and instantly disappeared once it made contact with it.

“We won't lose! Use a doubleslap!” right at the command, Pan went straight towards the grass type, this time he managed to land a hit, two of them to be precise, but the opponent didn't seemed to be fazed too much by them.

“Mega Drain again! Now!” Gallica's trainer was really getting into the heat of battle. At once the roselia aimed her rose right at the clefairy.

“We'll have to get really creative now... Use Metronome!”

Metronome!? The clefairy thought as another bit of his energy got sapped by the mega drain. This special move honed by his species was extremely risky, since any single pokemon technique can come out of it. Since his trainer believed it can help win the battle, Pan had little choice. He stuck out his index fingers and waved them in the air. The roselia just watched the fingers as Pan waved them back and forth in an almost hypnotic motion. Suddenly they stopped as the clefairy's arms gave off a bright blue glow. This is the moment of truth...

A strange feeling overcame the clefairy, even though he was in the middle of a battle, he started to make a soft purring noise. He was using a technique that he wasn't able to use on his own, but the power of the metronome had temporarily taken over his mind. As he purred, a bright pink heart shape object escaped from Pan's lips. The object temporarily fluttered in mid-air until it flew straight into the face of his opponent.

The maneuver he had pulled off was Attract, a move which makes the enemy fall into love!

The effects of the attract instantly took effect on the roselia. She simply stared in wonder, the only sound she made was a slight gasp of breath, her cheeks were also flushing a colour similar to her right rose. Her trainer on the other hand, only made a gasp of horror.

Pan's trainer couldn't believe it. ”Hehe... this is perfect, I got this battle in the bag now, that attract will keep that pokemon from attacking while Pan lays the smackdown on it.”

“Gallica! Try to use a Grasswhistle or something! Come on, snap out of it!” Gallica's trainer panicked as her pokemon simply stood there staring at the clefairy.

Without skipping a beat, Pan's trainer commanded his next attack “Alright Pan, now that it's immobile, use doubleslap!” The clefairy made his move towards the awestruck roselia. He was about to strike her when it suddenly dodged without warning. ”Dammit, I guess even attract is not enough... alright, then, it's very risky, but I have no choice... He was ready to command once again. “Let's use metronome again!”

”What? Again?” the shocked clefairy thought, [I]”Alright, but it's still a bit risky...”. Once again, the clefairy waved his fingers for a moment, he noticed that the roselia's eyes were fixated on them as he preformed the mystic attack. As his fingers shone blue once more, the clefairy went into auto-pilot mode once again. This time, his body felt extremely light, as if he weighed almost nothing. He simply thought to be in another place and he was there almost instantly, the wind slightly stung his eyes as he sped around the makeshift battleground. Pan wasn't used to traveling at high speeds all by himself like this. Their opponents were just as amazed as Pan himself was at his newfound speed. Gallica's trainer was the first to snap out off the clefairy's mastery of flight to call out a command.

“Gallica, follow and stick close to that clefairy, use magical leaf to finish it off!” she cried out in desperation, for Gallica was still under the spell of attract, and was completely enthralled in the clefairy. The spellbound roselia did manage to move after a long time in a single place, she moved as fast as a roselia's roots could move to get close to the clefairy. However, under the infatuation placed upon her, she only heard a part of her trainer's command.

“Let's finish it Pan!” Yelled his trainer as he was being overcome by the intensity of the battle. “Use metronome once more, this time I'm sure it's a winner!”. Pan didn't think so, but he had no choice but to do as his trainer commanded. He waved his fingers once more, after a moment they shone a bright blue as the clefairy's mind went into the trance of metronome. He felt like his body came to a complete full stop. He then experienced the strangest thing that had ever happened to him in his five-year life.

His legs became completely rigid, his hips and knees were completely locked in place. The clefairy's feet appeared to dig themselves underneath the ground of the battlefield. The most astonishing of all was something that no one could see, but Pan could feel it. It felt as if his toes were growing longer and twisting and turning in their apparent quest to grope the soil under him. Even though his feet were doing things that his bones normally wouldn't allow, such as his toes splitting up to grip more ground, it felt completely painless.

Pan's Metronome had turned into Ingrain, a move that anchors the user to a single place!

On the plus side, it did manage to heal Pan's wounds he received from the battle. Pan couldn't believe what had happened to him, he went from being the fastest monster in the battle to being completely immobile. The lovestruck roselia that was his opponent was closing in on him, but now that he was completely immobile, it looked like she was moving even faster then before, it didn't take long until she caught up with him. Instead of attacking the stuck clefairy, she embraced Pan with her arms.

Both trainers were completely stunned by the turn of events, Pan's trainer was speechless because the metronome had the disastrous effects of making the clefairy permanently stuck in the ground, while Gallica's trainer was completely shocked because the roselia was still under attract's spell. She managed to call out one more attack.

“Please! It can't get away now! Use petal dance!” screaming with all her might. Those efforts were completely in vain, instead of using any sort of attack, the roselia leaned forward towards Pan's face, and dealt the most tender of kiss on the cheek. Pan's trainer had no idea what to do at this point, his pokemon was completely stuck in the ground, and his opponent's was too busy smothering Pan with affection.

“I think we should end the battle right here.” He said as the will to battle left him like the air leaving an opened balloon.

His rival was also giving up on the battle. “Well... I guess you're right.”

The two trainers approached their pokemon who were locked together in a snuggling embrace. “Come on Pan, I give in, let's go now.”

But I can't get out, I'm stuck! Pan moved his legs in vain, but his newly formed roots held fast to the soil under him. It wasn't helping that the roselia was still holding onto him and her roses were getting into his face.

“Aw man, how am I supposed to get my clefairy out of ingrain?” He looked towards his former enemy “You have a roselia, do you know?”

“What? How should I know...” She was too busy adjusting her glasses once more.

This really annoyed Pan's trainer. “Dang it! If you hadn't challenged me to a battle, my clefairy wouldn't be planted now!”

“If you hadn't hit me in the head with that pokeball, I wouldn't have had to battle you!” She looked at him straight in the eye as she said this. She clearly didn't hated to be nagged at like this. “Come out Gallica, let's go home” she said to her roselia. However, she was still busy snuggling against her newfound companion. Perhaps the infatuation of attraction hadn't worn off yet. “Come on! You can let go of the clefairy now...” but her pleas fell on deaf ears as Gallica refused to let go of Pan.

Meanwhile, Pan's trainer was desperate for help. “Alright, if you won't help me free my clefairy, I'm going to a pokemon center. Where is the closest one?”

“It's about a day's walk in that direction.” She pointed west, in the direction where Pan's trainer was headed initially before the battle.

“A day's walk?! I can't leave my clefairy behind, it'll be nightfall soon.” He was right, the sun was beginning to glow orange as it edged closer towards the horizon.

Gallica's trainer smirked, “It's alright, Gallica can protect him.”

“Shut up. Anyway, your pokemon is in just as much trouble, shouldn't that attract worn off by now?” He pointed out to the lovesick roselia as she still clung to Pan.

“Yeah, I have been worried about that, perhaps I should come with you after all.” She looked on with worry for her roselia. They decided to go to the pokemon center after all, they had to move quickly for their pokemon's sake, it was quickly getting dark.

“By the way, I won the match.” commented Pan's trainer as he made a run for it.

“No you didn't, it was a tie!” yelled Gallica's as she chased after him, leaving their two pokemon together.


The sun had finally set and now it was the moon's chance to cast it's glow on the earth. Normally, the full moon's silverly light would have invigorated the clefairy, but unfortunately, it appeared that Pan wouldn't be able to dance anymore, hopefully only for tonight. The power of ingrain held him fast to the earth, not only was he being held down by his newfound roots, but the roselia was still clinging to him. Even though he could do nothing about his new roots, he can do something about the roselia.

“Psst... you can let go now.” He nudged the roselia gently but she still clung to him. It appeared as if the roselia was sleeping, or lost within a dream world and had to be woken up.

“It's alright, but I don't need to right now.” She nuzzled against Pan's plush body even more, he was getting uncomfortable as her thorns were jabbing into him.

“Shouldn't that attract worn off by now?” He found it quite strange how and why Gallica was still acting like she was still under attract's effect.

“Oh...” She loosened her embrace around Pan in realization of what she was doing. “...That wore off several hours ago.” While she did let go a tiny bit, she was still close enough for Pan to smell her breath. Humans usually had foul-smelling breath unless they used hygienic things such as toothpaste and mouthwash, but Gallica's smelled unusually sweet, but of course, being a rosy pokemon, it probably wasn't so unusual after all.

“Then why... Why are you still hugging me?” Pan was getting anxious, it was bad enough that his feet had transformed into roots and couldn't move from the spot, now he had a lovesick roselia breathing down his neck.

“Feel my chest.” Gallica requested suddenly.

“Your WHAT?!?” Pan had learned from living with humans that groping a female's chest was considered extremely impolite, even taboo. Were the rules different with roselia? Pan wasn't certain, but what else could he do?

Apprehensively he stuck out his left hand. Being as cautious has he could, his hand slowly made it's way towards Gallica's body, he didn't want to do anything he would regret later on. His hand suddenly felt something, it felt somewhat fibrous, but not too hard or rough, but not quite soft as fur. Pan assumed this was Gallica's body. He also felt something pulsing inside, it pulsed with a steady rhythm, much like a heartbeat. Surprisingly, instead of a slap in the face as Pan expected, the roselia didn't protest a single bit.

“Good, now the other hand.” Pan was completely bewildered by the requests that were coming from this roselia.

“Why? Why are you making me do this?”

“Look, you'll understand once you do this for me.” The look on her face was sincere, so perhaps he could trust her.

He slowly stuck out his free hand, it began it's arduous journey towards the other side of the roselia's chest. At one point he withdrew his hand, but then he looked into Gallica's bright blue eyes, they had a look of understanding in them. Eventually his other hand made contact with her body. It felt much the same as his first hand. “Hang on...” Pan thought as he felt the roselia's body. This side was also pulsing, as if that side had another heartbeat. What on earth was going on? “I... I still don't understand. You have a second heart?”

“Yes... I do. All roselia have two hearts.” Pan was completely stupefied by this bit of biology, and what did it have to do with this situation? “The second only starts beating when that roselia has found his or her soul mate.”

“Soul mate?” Pan's hands left Gallica's chest shakingly. If Pan's knees were able to move, they would have been shaking. “...but... why me?”

“I don't know really...” Her eyes were still fixated on the clefairy. “Perhaps it's destiny or something...” As she trailed of, she did something rather unexpected, she stuck one of her feet into the ground very close to where Pan's feet were planted. Suddenly, a strange ticklish sensation came over Pan, it felt like his roots were being twisted and intertwined by something, what was it exactly Pan couldn't say. It must have been something Gallica was doing.

“Um... w-what are you doing?” Pan was trying his hardest to stifle the laughter that was bubbling from inside.

“Don't tell me you've never heard of rootsie before, haven't you?” Pan tried his hardest to keep a straight face, but a giggle or two did manage to escape. “It's sort of like the human game of footsie, only for grass pokemon with roots.” Pan wanted to stop, but he had no idea how. He couldn't hold it in any longer and started to laugh. He laughed so much that he started to wobble, suddenly both he and Gallica fell over in a heap, each with their feet still rooted to the spot. Both pokemon weren't hurt, rather, they were actually beginning to enjoy their situation. Pan was able to get up first, though he was still stuck to the spot.

“Here...” Pan stuck out his hand, this time with confidence towards his new friend. She looked at it for a moment or two and then offered one of her roses.

“You... you have nice hands.” Gallica blushed a little as she said this.

“Well... um... yours are nice as well” Pan said, also blushing a little.

“I... I suppose.” Her cheeks flushed a little more. “My roses are wonderful things, but they can't really hold or do anything like yours could.”

“Really? Even if they could” Pan's face was turning a shade similar to a ripe cheri berry. “They... They're still beautiful...”

At once Roselia's face turned as bright red as her rose, she couldn't hold it in any longer, she squealed as she lunged towards the immobile clefairy.


“So what happened daddy? What did mommy do to daddy?”

Pan suddenly came back to reality, he also remembered who his audience was, he was actually surprised that his daughter was still paying attention.

“Um... lets say that mommy loved daddy, and er...” He had to explain it so that his daughter would be able to understand enough so she wouldn't ask questions but not too much so it would corrupt her innocent mind. “Eventually, daddy started to love mommy. There was so much love that you... er... your seed... came to us.”

“What did daddy's trainer and mommy's trainer say when Olivia's seed came to daddy and mommy?” Her eyes were just like her mothers, it was incredible. It was also incredible how focused they were, usually they didn't focus on a single thing for too long, just like her father.

“Well...” Oh great, how was he going to explain what happened afterward? “daddy and mommy's trainers were quite cross, so they made mommy and daddy preform a human ceremony called a wedding, it was a beautiful day when it took place. Mommy was beautiful on that day as well, still is actually...”

Now that he thought of it, it would have been far easier if Gallica was here to explain what exactly happened. Too bad she went on that shopping errand with her trainer. “We had to give each other metal things called “wedding bands”, that's what daddy has on his hand.” He showed Olivia the gold ring that was on his finger. “Mommy wears her's on her ankle since she doesn't have fingers.”

“Olivia knows now.” She covered her face with her roses to stifle some giggles. “Olivia also now knows why daddy's planted.”

Pan knew that Olivia was absolutely right. Sure enough, he was no longer stuck in the middle of a dirt road, but in a big flowerpot. He looked at his terra cotta prison and sighed. “Yes, Yes... It's also why daddy's... planted.”

go review this thing, it won 7th place. (which I beleive gets a aluminum medal if this was an olympic comedy one-shot writing competition)

Yami Ryu
21st July 2006, 5:20 AM
“Olivia also now knows why daddy's planted.”

“Yes, Yes... It's also why daddy's... planted.”

LMAO XD omg just, rotflmao at that. I didn't really spot any errors in this chapter- oh wait re-re-reading made me see an errant period has RUN AWAY :O omg get it back!

Er um anyways, this was a very interesting take to the 'Birds and the Bees', and almost thought it was a human talking to his little girl- boy was I surprised.

Oh man I, how did I miss this-

“Feel my chest.” Gallica requested suddenly.

“Your WHAT?!?”


I'm sorry, you just, oh man you've made my day XD

21st July 2006, 6:01 AM
Hehe, I enjoyed this story. Yeah, like Yami said, this is a clever take on the birds and the bees.

The truth, at first I wondered why you did the perspective of the Clefariy and Roselia but then at the end, hehehe the Clefairy is in a flowerpot!

Anyways, good work on it! Also, congrats on winning seventh place on this fic. ^^

;134;~Good night, and good luck~

Fez the Mysfit Elf
21st July 2006, 11:57 AM
“Olivia needs to know what the man and woman looks like to complete Olivia's mental picture.”
Is that the part you changed? The word "my" to "Olivia's"? I don't know. I'ts the only part I noticed that was different.

Anyway, this was quite an enjoyable fic. It's very original, to say the least. I don't know how you came up with such a random idea. :) Overall, I give it 4.38/5 stars. Great fic!

22nd July 2006, 1:24 AM
Is that the part you changed? The word "my" to "Olivia's"? I don't know. I'ts the only part I noticed that was different.

that's correct!

your prize is the knowledge that you actually looked for the difference :)

I'm really cheap am I? :(

oh well, thank you for the kind compliments :)

22nd July 2006, 12:04 PM
Lol... Daddy is planted... Pure class XD

Frost Nova
22nd July 2006, 4:57 PM
Interesting twist into 'the birds and the bees', like the others said. It was sweet and hilarious at the same time, and MALE CLEFAIRIES!! It's a great idea that you used a male one: they're so underused.

I only have one correction: you spelt Roselia without the capital 'R'. They should be spelt with it. Try to keep that in mind. Otherwise, it's a really refreshing read. Congratulations.

Saffire Persian
22nd July 2006, 5:13 PM
Really? Even if they could” Pan's face was turning a shade similar to a ripe cheri berry. “They... They're still beautiful...”

At once Roselia's face turned as bright red as her rose, she couldn't hold it in any longer, she squealed as she lunged towards the immobile clefairy.

XD ... Oh my, and he's telling that to his kid? XDXDXDXD... Poor Olivia got a little more education than she needed. Poor daddy got planted... *Shakes head*

“Feel my chest.” Gallica requested suddenly.

“Your WHAT?!?”

My thoughts exactly. XD

Interesting pairing though - a male Clefairy and a Roselia. o.o Methinks this fit under more 'romance' than 'comedy' IMO. But still, and interesting take on the 'birds and the beedrill'. ^_^

Nice work!

Sike Saner
22nd July 2006, 9:24 PM
“Umm... let's see...” He was straining on what exactly to say to his little girl. “When a man and woman love each other...”

“Which man and woman?”

“Errrr... why do you ask Olivia?”

“Olivia needs to know what the man and woman looks like to complete Olivia's mental picture.”

I love Olivia’s response there. XD

“By the way, I won the match.” commented Pan's trainer as he made a run for it.

XD Nice parting shot.

“Feel my chest.” Gallica requested suddenly.

“Your WHAT?!?” Pan had learned from living with humans that groping a female's chest was considered extremely impolite, even taboo.

LMAO! Even knowing now why she told him to do that, that moment is good for a laugh every time.

“Olivia knows now.” She covered her face with her roses to stifle some giggles. “Olivia also now knows why daddy's planted.”

Pan knew that Olivia was absolutely right. Sure enough, he was no longer stuck in the middle of a dirt road, but in a big flowerpot. He looked at his terra cotta prison and sighed. “Yes, Yes... It's also why daddy's... planted.”

A Clefairy stuck in a flowerpot – now THAT is an enduring image. XD

Fwee, there’s a lot about this to like. It’s cute, it’s funny, it’s original, and it delivers a number of very memorable images, such as the aforementioned potted Clefairy and the wedding of Pan and Gallica. (I just love picturing that. ^^) Great work on this; it really is a delightful story. ^^

26th July 2006, 11:38 PM
Methinks this fit under more 'romance' than 'comedy' IMO.

Yeah, I intended to write a comedy fic that would be distinctly different from the usual fare of comedy fics, but it ended up as a mostly romantic one then a mostly comedic one. -_-;