PDA

View Full Version : Sally and Bulba's adventures



DannyKing
23rd July 2006, 7:29 AM
hear is my fan fik it took me and my brother around 5 hrs to make and for the tip i love bulbasaur ;001; yay i luv all the diffrent smiles eneways hear is my fan fic i hope u like it oh an please post alot of reviews i will read them in the morning

Sally and Bulba’s adventures

Prologue the Graduation


“Begin the test” a computerized voice resounded throughout the test hall of PokeAcademy. Sally was about to begin her graduation match against the test proctor Maka

_________________________
Sally v/s Maka;001;
_________________________

“Go Metagross,” Sally shouted throwing her Pokeball she was given for the final test.

“For your final test you will be facing Flygon come on out,” Maka said coolly as she tossed out the pokemon.

“Flygon charge in for a dragon claw,” Maka said still not raising her voice.

“Metagross use meteor mash,” Sally shouted to the test pokemon.

First to go was Flygon who flew in and attacked Metagross for barely any damage. Afterwards Metagross charged its fist into an attack so powerful it could crush a meteor. With a direct hit taken from an element he was weak against it seemed as if Flygon would faint soon.

“Ok now to check my pokedex,” Sally exclaimed taking out her Pokedex to check her foes damage taken. She found that Flygon took approximately 179 damage out of its 246 leaving Flygon with 75 hp. Now Sally turned to her Metagross it had taken 23 damage and was left 32 because she was given a damaged pokemon as per the rules of graduation battle.

“This turn will end it all I have to attack first or it’s over,” Sally exclaimed. She had done her homework for this match and she was given a sheet with the opposition’s strategy and if she doesn’t survive this turn Sally will fail and have to take her final year all over again.

‘I have to find a way to end this with Metagross’ move list not including protect I don’t know how to survive this round’ Sally thought. “Wait that’s it,” Sally exclaimed, “Metagross use iron defense,” Sally knew they had found a way to change a Pokemon’s power ‘if they didn’t change it I’m screwed’ Sally thought.

“Heh that’s all ya got iron defense really what’s up with that,” Maka insulted still not changing her flat cool voice, “Flygon end it outrage,” Maka said still keeping cool.

Surprisingly Metagross attacked first charging a silver glow around it. Immediately after Flygon flew up and sent balls of flames spewing out its body all aimed at Metagross and it dodged all of the fire balls.

“Now Metagross use your iron punch,” Sally exclaimed.

“Flygon… oh yeah he has to use outrage still,” Maka said sounding desperate.

Before the round began Metagross glowed with the same silver glow from before twice then Metagross began and one of his fists glowed and charged at Flygon smacking it in its stomach instantly fainting it.

______________________
Sally is the victor;001;
______________________

“Yay I won I won,” Sally shouted at the top of her lungs.

“Graduation match over Sally graduates,” came the same computerized voice from before.

After the huge party later Sally was completely exhausted, “whew boy am I tired,” she said barely able to talk that much as she walked inside after the limo dropped her off.

“Hey Sally how did your graduation match go,” Sally’s mother asked.

“Can’t talk,” Sally muttered, “must… get… to… bed,” Sally said under her breath walking into her room. The following morning Sally woke up at twelve noon, “oh its noon… OH MY GOD I WAY OVERSLEPT,” Sally shouted. She got dressed in a rush, ran down stairs and sat at the table waiting for breakfast

“Hey Sally you didn’t tell me how graduation went yet,” Misty asked her daughter.

“Hey mom I’m really late but I’m sure he won’t mind if I’m even later,” Sally said cheerfully her eyes closed with a smile.

“Hello I hope my favorite daughter hasn’t left for Pallet Town yet,” Sally’s father said walking in the door.

“Dad what are you doing here I thought you always had to be at the pokemon league headquarters for the next 3 weeks,” Sally shouted her voice full of surprise and excitement and shock.

“Yeah I told the staff I’m taking a day off cuz my daughter just graduated,” her father said.

Flash to another place.

“Hey where’s Lance Bruno,” Lorelei asked her fellow elite four member.

“I don’t know I haven’t seen him all day,” Bruno said looking under a rock, “Lance are you under there”.

Flash back to Sally’s house.

“Well I’m really late so I’ll have breakfast there bye mom see ya later dad,” Sally said in a rush and running out the door.

“Hey Sally wait for me,” Lance said running out the door after his daughter.

Sally and Lance had just arrived at the train station Lance had to wear a hood to avoid a huge crowd. As they boarded there private train Lance took his hood off taking a deep breath. It was a short and uneventful ride none of the two talked much and pretty soon they arrived at Pallet Town. They walked down the driveway to a building with a windmill attached to it. They got to the door and knocked.

“Oh lance and Sally what a surprise I thought you weren’t coming,” oak said sounding mildly angry at the fact that they were around 3 hours late.

“Sorry Professor I had a party last night and I was up til late and I overslept,” Sally said.

“I figured as much,” Oak said, “oh how rude of me why don’t you two come in”.

They walked inside and started talking catching up on each other since the last time they visited. After they went to Oak’s Pokemon for new trainers room. As soon as they entered a Bulbasaur ran right up to Sally, “Bulba bulba Bulbasaur,” it said snuggling in her arms.

“I’m choosing this guy,” Sally said.

“BULBA,” it practically screamed with excitement.

“I think that is an excellent choice Sally,” Oak said with a smile and a laugh.

“Ok well I’m going to head to Celadon City there’s a grass pokemon tournament there,” she said then started thinking.

“Are you gonna give that pokemon a nickname Sally,” Lance asked.

“Yes I will and I’ll call him Bulba,” Sally said happily.

“Great but first we have to go home and pack you some stuff and set some guidelines ok,” Lance said in a cheerful but at the same time orderly voice.

“I figured you set guidelines,” Sally said as if she could tell the future.

DannyKing
23rd July 2006, 12:47 PM
did eneone like it?

DannyKing
23rd July 2006, 1:05 PM
why dont i get replies

Jonouchi
23rd July 2006, 1:31 PM
Don't triple post -_-

As for the story, There were some few problems. for example


“Metagross use meteor mash,” Sally shouted to the test pokemon.

First to go was Flygon who flew in and attacked Metagross for barely any damage. Afterwards Metagross charged its fist into an attack so powerful it could crush a meteor. With a direct hit taken from an element he was weak against it seemed as if Flygon would faint soon.

This is alright, but normally. Flygon is NOT weak against Steel attacks. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Flygon is a Ground/Dragon type, so Steel couldn't affect it. I can understand critical hits, but it being super effective?


Anyway.


“Ok now to check my pokedex,” Sally exclaimed taking out her Pokedex to check her foes damage taken. She found that Flygon took approximately 179 damage out of its 246 leaving Flygon with 75 hp. Now Sally turned to her Metagross it had taken 23 damage and was left 32 because she was given a damaged pokemon as per the rules of graduation battle.

Pretty nifty way to check for data. Though you should explain how it works, though =/. Like, how does it know that data?

There were parts where you didn't put in periods. Not to mention slight grammar issues. Like:


“For your final test you will be facing Flygon come on out,” Maka said coolly as she tossed out the pokemon

It should have been something like:


"For your final test.." Maka, one of the proctors, said in a cool manner. "You will be facing Flygon. Come on out!"

She cluched her Pokeball and threw it out onto the field, revealing a Flygon.

Or something like that.


Also, keep in mind. I know we know what the Pokemon look like, but some of us don't. If someone new to the Pokemon world saw the word "Flygon" Would he know what it looks like. Describe them too. You should also explain the graduation too, since we don't know about it that much

Other than that the story seems alright. Could use some work, though.

Haruka
23rd July 2006, 2:30 PM
Is this your first time? because i didn't like it very much. maybe you will do better next time.

DannyKing
23rd July 2006, 3:28 PM
it was my first one but as i sayd my brother helped me. he did all the tiping (i am a slow tiper )and he took it over i sayd to tipe thise and then he did that and that and all the changes and we were working on it at 1:00 ~ 5:00 and i only got 5:00 of sleep kuz i thought some pepol will like it i guess i am not good a wrighting but i always get 80% ~ 100% in the hardest english class.
and she sayd my grammer needed a little help but thats it. i already started the 1st chapter too

DannyKing
23rd July 2006, 3:28 PM
i am going in tho the 8th grade too.