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Quackerdrill
23rd July 2006, 8:55 AM
Okay- let's just get right to it; this is a fic that probably has more potential than any of my other stuff, (but knowing me I won't utilize it XD) and the idea and characters are close to my heart. This is a tale of how a trainer inside the Pokemon videogame gradually finds out that she is indeed inside a game. As the title suggests, this is an awakening for her and the people around her. Sound interesting? Read on; otherwise, go read... uhh, the Escapist or something. That's what I'd do. (yay, obscurity! 8D )

note 1: Two of these chunks are from the preview. whoo.
note 2: this will NOT be updated often. I suddenly have a busy schedule and an awful internet connection as of late... not a good combo. XD



***

An Awakening- Chapter One

All her life she had a goal. It was one of those things that were practically required where she grew up— everybody had the same task to complete and none of them actually thought about why. It had become a ritual, capturing, battling, collecting badges, and the like. There were the occasional contest, too, and the inevitable secret organization to topple, but even those lost their sparkle after a while and seemed trivial.

She sat down on the quiet lakeside watching the Barboach make tiny ripples in the bluish-green water. A fishing pole in hand, she was prepared to show one of them the topside of a frying pan, but after two hours there was no such luck. By now she had assumed that they were all under there talking amongst themselves and organizing a resistance against her and her bait. Boycott aside, it was a very calming moment compared to the heck that was her week so far.

There is only so far a person can stray from home until they go insane, and she had hit her breaking point. Now instead of wanting that next battle or mastering that new attack her mind yearned for something more meaningful. She desired to set out and meet people. She wanted to see the beautiful scenery that was her home in Johto, nestled in the high mountains where one can touch the clouds. She missed simplicity. She missed just being. She could not help but feel like there was something odd in the world she lived in, something keeping her from living her true life.

Not that those delightful little creatures called Pokemon were part of the problem. Those creatures had served as her best friends and saviors for the last six years, and she was not about to just start ignoring them due to some misguided sense of worthlessness. Her Raichu had been by her side since she could not remember when, and she had only felt pure love for it since its capture. That warm, light brown fur and that whip-like tail brought back memories of wonderful times. But now only the creature really seemed wonderful, and she had begun to doubt that the experiences they shared were worth it in the long run.

That lake was only getting cooler as she sat there. Those Barboach were determined to never leave their posts. And there she was holding the line with a grip looser than the one on her reality. The very thought of fishing for yet another Pokemon now sounded useless, and as she watched the pole slip from her hand into the water with a minute splash, she could not help but grin. The point of the pole was now submerged and the shadowy blur sunk slowly down into a nothingness of blues and greens.

So did her understanding of the life she lived.



***

Small footsteps were heard on the tile as the creature steadily advanced towards its destination. It knew that if there was any time to get some food from its dish without anyone noticing, it was now. As it walked down the hall it gradually moved towards the wall to its right and began creeping alongside it, peeking around the corner when the wall ended.

The creature saw two people sitting in tall stool chairs having a heavy discussion, so it realized that its journey was in vain. Its happy expression turned angry and it snapped its whip-like tail, producing a tiny spark from its lightning bolt-shaped end.

“Did you see a flash from the hall? Either your electricity bill needs paying or that Raichu of yours is out.” The speaker was a man with a thick head of black unkempt hair and a pair of glasses that obscured the sarcasm in his eyes. He was sitting across from a woman with a large white sunhat that cast shade on her pale face. Her eyes were clearly the opposite of the man's— they bore a glint of worry.

“It must be the Raichu,” the woman muttered quietly. “Lily's got to stop leaving him here every time she wants to get out of the house.”

The man looked confused. “It's very odd that a trainer of your daughter's caliber would ignore her Pokemon. Have you talked to her about this?”

She sighed. “No, it just never comes up, I guess. She's so easily put off by things these days that I fear saying much to her… Besides, the little guy seems fine.”

The rat-like creature then dashed into the room with a trail of harmless sparks behind it and stopped in front of a clay bowl of food that read “Sam”. It drove its head into the bowl and ate the food vigorously. As it emerged, its face was a depiction of complete happiness, and it exited the room with a hop in its step.

The man adjusted his glasses downward. “You need to talk to your daughter, and soon. If this is any indication, all of her Pokemon will become deranged.”

The woman held back a laugh as she rolled her eyes. “Not deranged, just lonely, I think. It's just like a man who leaves his wife for a few years and the wife's mind slowly deteriorates… not that I would know anything about that sort of situation…” Her voice progressively became quieter.

“That again? You know that by bringing that up you unleashed a can of Wurmple the size of who knows what. I know it's tough to move on, but—”

The woman looked at him sternly. Her brown eyes were like whirlpools which sucked out all the logic in his head piece by piece. He may have known her desire to forget about what had happened with her and her husband, but the fact that she brought it up so often drove him crazy. It is human nature to want to find closure to situations, but he knew that this situation closing was as likely as a door with a broken handle.

All he could do then was sit there and ride the whirlpool in hopes of a safe return.



***

The path home was wide and dusty, lined with dirt about as old as the town itself. Lily walked down it drearily with her hands in her pockets. Her mind was far away from the lake where she had left her fishing pole as well as her former state of confidence.

The sky above her had turned a dark orange since she had last seen it in the reflection of the water. The sun was making its last imprint on the current day. Lily's dark brown hair was lit with the same shade of orange and was a stark contrast to her shady face.

It wasn't that the day hadn't been beautiful; the sunset attested to that. It was that she was sick of her mind developing new ways to make herself upset. She had always been a girl that knew the world around her and drew her confidence and resolve from this awareness. She was a proud person due to this and sixteen years of practice had grown a hard shell around her otherwise frail body. But her mind was ready to crack right through it.

She stopped in the middle of the trail to take in the sunset, as she thought that maybe a clear mind was gained through relaxation once in a while. But what had been a sunset a few minutes beforehand had simply become a horizon of reds with a sun missing.

So much for a clear mind.

The noise of footsteps then rung through her head as someone slowly approached her from behind. A faint cloud of dust from the trail swept up around her as well.

“You're crazy to be out here all alone without a Pokemon, Lily,” the figure said.

She turned around to see a young teenage boy in a baseball cap, looking at her with a crooked smile as if he was keeping himself from laughing. Her expression softened; of all the people she could have possibly seen at the moment, he was the most welcome. They approached each other and engaged in a warm hug, the boy's cap rising over Lily's shoulder. As they released each other she finally let out a smile, the first for the entire day.

“I have no need for a Pokemon right now, with my mental state,” she said.

“Are you still in that phase where you think there's no reason for anything anymore? There was a time when that was cute, but that was a while ago.” The boy now put his hands in his pockets and looked at the sky.

“I actually don't think it's a phase anymore… I'm seriously beginning to doubt about pretty much everything and it isn't going away. Battles? Needless distractions. Badges? Conspiracy to get all of us trainers out of our houses. I used to get mad at people when they acted like idiotic cynics but now I'm one of them.”

“All the years I've known you to be so proud of what you do, and here you are denying the reasons why… I came out here because I'm concerned, Lily. I was worried that you were just going to keep going out every night to God knows where and ignoring your Pokemon, me- heck, everybody!”

Lily looked down at the ground. She knew he was right.

“Have you seen your mother?” The boy continued. “Poor Miss Reed is taking it harder than I am back at your house. I mean, she's already torn up about-”

“Is it my fault I can't control my feelings?” She interrupted with a much harsher tone. “You're blaming me for something that is completely out of my control. Look—look at this scrape down here.”

Lily gestured towards a scab on her leg, underneath a hole ripped in her black jeans.

“Where did you get that nasty thing from?” The boy asked looking at it carefully.

“I got it when I fell down… while I was trying to do something.” She once again trailed off.

“What could you have been doing that caused such an awful scrape? Or do I want to know?”

“It was the strangest thing, too. Have you ever tried to hop up a small ledge? Like a really short step?”

“I guess I haven't. Doesn't seem too tough though,” he said confusedly.

“For some reason, I physically wasn't able to hop up. There was some sort of force stopping me from getting up there and it makes no sense! That's why I'm so confused right now, there was no reason why I- I just couldn't…”

Lily stood extremely still and her eyes welled up with tears. The boy watched as circles of water formed on the red dirt below her. At first he could not understand how she could have gone so quickly from delighted to see him to depressed again, but there was now a bigger problem on his hands. She was right; it was something she could not control and could not be explained. He now had to figure out whether she was right or just in need of some attention. Either one, he had to be there for her.

Lily looked up, a tear slowly approaching the corner of her mouth. “Can you… walk me home?” Her voice was quiet, but clear.

He nodded and moved towards her cowering body. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cold cheek.

“I know you're real, Tom… you're real…”



***

“Paranoia. That’s all this is, dear… you’re just tired of training and it’s worn ya out.”

As much as Lily wanted to just accept this answer and end her current confusion about the world around her, it was not enough to calm the storm in her mind. As she sat slouched over in her green cloth couch facing her mother’s kind stare, she continued to pet her Raichu—it had been demanding her attention ever since she had came into the house.

“I really doubt this is just me being paranoid, mom,” Lily said angrily, “there is absolutely no reason why that ledge was so darn hard to get up!”

“A ledge?” Her mother looked at Lily quizzically. “Is that what started this whole thing? Lily…”

“What?” she stated sharply.

“Lily, you should have known better. It is common knowledge that those things are impossible to get up. You gotta go down them, see. What was the reason you wanted to get up there?”

She attempted to visualize the situation in her head. “Well, I was looking at it thinking if this little ledge is shorter than the grass I walk through every day, then I can hop right over it, right? But no, of course not—apparently what makes sense to Lily doesn’t have to make sense to Mother Nature…”

Her mother was jotting down answers to a crossword puzzle at the time she was listening, and after Lily had stopped talking she looked up worriedly.

“Okay…. I guess paranoia isn’t going to cut it, then.” They both laughed, but the moment was short; Lily saw the clock and somehow knew that it was getting late. Somehow- right then something hit her that hadn’t before.

“Mom… why does the clock on the wall always read twelve from far away but not when you look at it up close?”

Her mother stood up and put down her crosswords. She shot a tired glance at her daughter and then walked over to give her a hug. Her face somewhere in her mother’s warm shoulder, Lily smiled.

As they separated her mother looked at her kindly. “You are definitely your father’s child… always too curious for your own good. Just…”

She paused. Lily sat attentively on the couch and with much better posture than before.

“…just don’t drive yourself crazy.”

Her mother walked out of the room and switched off the light. Though Lily was left in the darkness, there was a new source of light in the room.

***

end o chap. Reply and complain as you please. ^-^

Flaming Lip
23rd July 2006, 9:51 PM
w00t. Teh ficzorz had arrived!

Man, I just woke up and this thing managed to grab my attention and keep me up. Great job! You really captured a lot of the confusion, disorientation and frustration that would occur after that loss of meaning.

Anyway, I'll be following this fic to the best of my ability (I'll lose track by chapter 6 likely. XD)

*sets up tent*

Sike Saner
23rd July 2006, 11:47 PM
It was one of those things that were practically required where she grew up— everybody had the same task to complete and none of them actually thought about why.

That sentence is truly like a snapshot of human existence – whether within the confines of a game or in our own reality, such can be said about many walks of life.


She sat down on the quiet lakeside watching the Barboach make tiny ripples in the bluish-green water. A fishing pole in hand, she was prepared to show one of them the topside of a frying pan, but after two hours there was no such luck. By now she had assumed that they were all under there talking amongst themselves and organizing a resistance against her and her bait.

I loved that. Plus, I took a moment aside to also picture that literally. That certainly made for an interesting image. XD


She missed simplicity. She missed just being.

Sigh…I know the feeling. *nods appreciatively*


And there she was holding the line with a grip looser than the one on her reality.

*applauds the boss wordplay*


It is human nature to want to find closure to situations, but he knew that this situation closing was as likely as a door with a broken handle.

*applauds that, too*



Wow, this might be one of the smartest fics I’ve had the pleasure of reading. Not only does it cleverly question certain aspects of the Pokémon game world that would indeed be utterly ridiculous in actual life (e.g. the insurmountable ledges and the clock that always shows the same time unless it’s very intently examined), it also just paints a very vivid and authentic picture of an existential crisis to which I think a lot of people, even outside of the Pokémon fandom, could relate. Solid work, this – with just one chapter, I’m sold. ^^

chrisivy
24th July 2006, 1:54 AM
Nice...WEll, BYE!

armaldo
24th July 2006, 8:02 AM
It is wonderful, it reminded me alot of my life...Oh, i made myself sad.

Great work...

Quackerdrill
25th July 2006, 2:41 AM
Hey, thanks yall peoples! I had no clue that in a matter of days I would get a reply, but four of them? *goes insane* Anyways, thanks for coming and checking it out.

NiGH- er, Byzan- er, Flaming Lip: Can you stop changing names for a bit? Sheesh! XP Wow, I think you hit the bullseye with that theme rundown. That's exactly what I was trying to say. But then again, I am easy to read if you're as brilliantly poetic as Lip here. ^_^ Thanks man!

Sike!!: So... many quotes... I should have expected that from you, though. XD Nice catch- yeah, the main character is going through a personal awakening at the same time as the world around her is showing itself- this was to accentuate her reactions to her new discoveries. If Lily didn't have some sort of inner conflict at the time, then this could have easily been a comedy... XD And whoa, did I read this right?
Wow, this might be one of the smartest fics I’ve had the pleasure of reading.This? From Sike? *dies*

chrisivy: Thanks... WELL, SPAM! uhh, I guess I should at least thank you for replying. I think.

armaldo: I'm glad you liked it, but I'm not quite glad it made you unhappy. XD Sorry...?

Thanks again, guys. *gives some Spam-flavored cookiemuffinbrownies*

Quackerdrill
7th August 2006, 11:26 PM
alright alright alright. 'Tis short, but that's expected, right? Not much happens in this chap, but it's leading up to some cool stuff coming soon. Enjoy!

An Awakening – Chapter Two


Lily was sitting calmly on the brown, leather couch with an expression as dead as the air was on her television. The glowing box in front of her, once exploding with light and noise, was now muted and grayed as the night went into the twilight hours. Lily had found herself in this situation many times before, as it was common that her overactive mind kept her from getting much rest.

She had told herself at around one in the morning that she would stop caring about the ledge incident.

She had told herself around three that she would stop worrying about what Tom would do when he sees her the next day.

And at five she at last decided to force herself to stop worrying about stopping worrying; the way she intended to resolve this was to watch some television. She found out how well that works.

Lily was about to confirm her fear of her sanity finally flying away when she thought that for a split second that there was actually something visible on her television screen, but she was correct—the interference had left and now what were tiny black dots became a commercial for some sitcom that was making it’s debut.

On the screen was a lanky man in a leather jacket standing at the edge of a bar… or at least what looked like a bar in the diminutive screen. He watched adamantly as the bartender shoved a red plate topped with a pile of golden french fries and an obnoxiously huge cheeseburger. The man gave a thumbs-up sign with both of his hands as the narrator spoke about something along the lines of how brilliant such and such magazine thought the program was.

But the plate was what caught Lily’s eye.

“Nope, not again,” she said out loud, not really comprehending that her audience was currently just her Raichu, laying on the carpet scratching itself.

She knew it was coming—it was food this time. Something that was always portrayed in television, film, and comics as a required activity, but something that Lily never did as a—

“No, I’m not going to go there, not now.” She stood up and clicked the television off with a swift press of the remote control. “God help me, one more stupid thing like this and…”

“Raaaaiiiii?”

Lily was cut off by a cry that came from below her. Her Pokemon was sitting at her feet, tugging helplessly on her gray sock. She reached down and picked it up (although very slowly; generally when a Pikachu evolves it multiplies in weight just as much as its power), bringing it in towards her with a combined expression of worry and frustration.

“Oh Sam, you’ll always find something to complain about… do you want me to be quieter or something? Am I interrupting some serious debate with a dust mite or what?”

The creature looked up at Lily with saucer eyes and its mouth agape. She knew very well he probably didn’t comprehend any of that, but she had always liked to hear herself speak nonetheless. But there was something very comforting about her Raichu that she often overlooked:

If there was one thing she could depend on not changing, it was her Pokemon’s loving smile.

***


His forehead was sweaty and his eyes were blurred from overexposure to the computer screen, but he deemed it all worth the cause of cheering up the one he loved. Tom Woods was never one to give up on something that had a deeper meaning in his life. His current endeavor was writing a poem-like letter to his girlfriend Lily to help her out in a time that he thought she needed it most.

Tom had loved Lily ever since those brown eyes caught him unawares on a fishing trip one day, but her appreciation as of late was far from mutual. She openly admitted that she loved him, yes—but when one’s mind is a storm, the words, like lightning, are rarely accurate. She had begun to distance herself, most likely due to her changing perception of her world. Their meeting the prior night was the first in weeks.

And Tom was feeling the difference.

His eyes darted back and forth between the screen and the keyboard, as typing was not a forte of his, and eventually words, sentences, and paragraphs formed on the white virtual paper.

His poetry was to address Lily’s choice of not confiding in him during her rough days—a bit pushy sounding, but exactly what he felt about the situation. He believed he was strong and that her every wish could be fulfilled by him…

But doesn’t every doting boyfriend.

The glow of his laptop was the only light in his dark room, as the hour was late and the morning approached. This coming morning, Tom believed, was to change everything about their relationship; this letter was bound to be an instant fix and the overall plan was brilliant in his eyes.

Reality was a new concept to Tom.

***


“Wake up, Miss Priss, I’ve got some vacuuming to do and I need that TV for my soap soon.”

Lily awoke to the sound of her mother’s voice and the sight of a Raichu’s tail wagging directly in front of her eyes. Sam had nestled on her head and assumedly slept the night on it. She did not want to think about what state her hair was in at the moment.

As she rose (while a tired Pokemon simply fell and bounced off the couch), Lily dozily walked over to the kitchen table and pulled out a wooden stool to sit on. The table was of a tall, oaken variety and was currently decorated with an autumn motif; Thanksgiving had only been a few days ago and it was Lily’s job to clear the table the next day.

No one can remember everything, she thought.

“You got a call on you cell phone about thirty minutes ago,” her mother said as she opened the cupboard, “I’ll let you take a guess who it was.”

Lily put her elbows on the table and sighed. “Sheesh, that boy is going to… What did he say this time?”

“Well, he wants to give you something, by the sound of it. Something pretty urgent. Why don’t you have him come over?”

Lily recalled that the last time Tom had visited the house was not quite enjoyable. He was invited to play board games with the family, but he was so distracted by the sheer presence of Lily that his concentration on any of the games was limited. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the attention; it was just that there is a line that can easily be crossed with relationships at such a young age. Lily loved him, but was far from being ready to give up her everyday life for him.

“Maybe. Just stack Jenga in the other room and I’ll talk to him about it.”

Her mother laughed as she walked by the table in hot pursuit of Sam, who had just a few seconds ago nabbed the extension cord for the vacuum in its mouth. It scurried out the room with sparks flying everywhere. She stopped at the doorway realizing that it wasn’t worth running for this early in the morning.

“Why don’t you take that thing for a walk? It’s been driving me nuts for days when you’re not here… why haven’t you been taking it with you, anyways?”

“Yeah, and have it bug me instead? Its home is here, where it can eat, sleep, and… whatever else it does.”

Lily’s mother walked over to the refrigerator and stood in front of it. “When was the last time it had a battle? Really.”

Lily had to think about this—she hadn’t been involved with many other trainers for quite some time. “Fine. I’ll take the little nut for a walk in a bit.”

She looked down the hall and saw that Sam was laying on the floor wrapped up in the cord, presumably sleeping. If I can survive…

Her mother opened the refrigerator and looked inside, the soft, frosty mist passing by her.

“Want something to drink before you go? We’ve got Soda Pop, Lemonade, and Fresh Water…”

***

chrisivy
8th August 2006, 3:21 AM
YAY! I read it! I'd like to see the next chapter now...plz?

Sike Saner
8th August 2006, 10:07 PM
And at five she at last decided to force herself to stop worrying about stopping worrying

Lord, I know that feeling…


He watched adamantly as the bartender shoved a red plate topped with a pile of golden french fries and an obnoxiously huge cheeseburger.

Oh Lord…I saw this burger that BK has now – actually saw the actual burger, not just the prop version used in commercials – the thing had four effing patties, and those bolded words above would fit that burger perfectly. I may never understand why in the frell portions have to be so effing HUGE these days – I remember having breakfast at this place somewhere in…Ozark, I think it was? Anyway, they gave me this huge plater with a whole mess of different things on it – PLUS a plate of pancakes. X_x Yeah, I looked at that waitress like she was frelling nuts, regardless of the fact that it wasn’t her fault the portions there were insanely large.

Now, the two-patty version of that burger looks rather good.

…God, I’ve digressed. XD Anyway…


“Oh Sam, you’ll always find something to complain about… do you want me to be quieter or something? Am I interrupting some serious debate with a dust mite or what?”

XD


She openly admitted that she loved him, yes—but when one’s mind is a storm, the words, like lightning, are rarely accurate.

And there it is: my favorite line in the entire story thus far. Seriously, that was just brilliant.



Interesting was Lily’s epiphany that food is optional in her world – I just love watching her existential crisis unfold, detail by detail. ^^

And Tom…ah, look at him. His thoughts and perceptions distorted by love…It’s a little bit sad, yes, but also undeniably cute. XP

SnoringFrog
9th August 2006, 4:49 AM
“Where did you get that nasty thing from?” The boy asked looking at it carefully.

“I got it when I fell down… while I was trying to do something.” She once again trailed off.

“What could you have been doing that caused such an awful scrape? Or do I want to know?”

“It was the strangest thing, too. Have you ever tried to hop up a small ledge? Like a really short step?”

“I guess I haven't. Doesn't seem too tough though,” he said confusedly.

“For some reason, I physically wasn't able to hop up. There was some sort of force stopping me from getting up there and it makes no sense! That's why I'm so confused right now, there was no reason why I- I just couldn't…”




“I really doubt this is just me being paranoid, mom,” Lily said angrily, “there is absolutely no reason why that ledge was so darn hard to get up!”

“A ledge?” Her mother looked at Lily quizzically. “Is that what started this whole thing? Lily…”

“What?” she stated sharply.

“Lily, you should have known better. It is common knowledge that those things are impossible to get up. You gotta go down them, see. What was the reason you wanted to get up there?”

She attempted to visualize the situation in her head. “Well, I was looking at it thinking if this little ledge is shorter than the grass I walk through every day, then I can hop right over it, right? But no, of course not—apparently what makes sense to Lily doesn’t have to make sense to Mother Nature…”


Very nice, I liked how you covered that. With this storyline, I'm hoping you'll touch on more things like this in the future.


“Mom… why does the clock on the wall always read twelve from far away but not when you look at it up close?”

Lol, again, nice.

Chapter 2


She knew it was coming—it was food this time. Something that was always portrayed in television, film, and comics as a required activity, but something that Lily never did as a—


Again, nice idea.


“Want something to drink before you go? We’ve got Soda Pop, Lemonade, and Fresh Water…”


Lol. Is that all they have? Really?

Interesting. Short, but this looks to be a good story whenever you update. You seem to come up with the most interesting ideas, Quackerdrill. The last thing I reemmber reading by you was all about tangelas, a Pokémon I had almost forgotten existed, and now this.

armaldo
10th August 2006, 11:05 PM
My God, it's so wierd how much this reminds me of myself. Good job. I'm really looking foward to more.

Quackerdrill
13th August 2006, 7:37 AM
Okay peoples, I was on a little vacation and come back to see this! Thanks a ton, guys, now to begin:

chrisivy: Uh, I see you've been banned... *cough* Yeah, I would show you the next chapter right now, if... it had been written yet. XP I told you this would be updated infrequently. Give me time for writing and I'll give you more of it. Well, if you ever get back to read it. XD

SssssssSike: Glad you popped in once again! Ohhh those BK... uh, Stackers? I think that's it. Yeah, that four patty one is NUTS. I mean, even McDonalds is getting with the chicken and salad thing nowadays, where's Burger King's foot on the bandwagon? I don't think yall could pay me enough to eat one of those monstrosities. Though I bet IceKing would pay me. XD Yeah, and I love that line too. I had to double check that I actually wrote that, not some zombie Hemingway that wandered into my room. Man, zombie Hemingway. That would be pretty cool, actually. Huh. Anyways, yeah, Tom right now is the example of the typical teenage boyfriend, trying as hard as he can to keep them together when a lot of things are pulling the other way. But his character will see a change soon as things develop. But his poor desprerate mind will pretty much remain the same. Sad is an understatement. XD Thanks for readn'!

SnoringFrog: Man, you reviewed Tangled Up for a while, right? I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE. XD Nah, I kid. Glad to see ya back, though! Yes, the ledge incident was the first of many innaccuracies that Lily will discover in this game world... they will keep getting more interesting, trust me. Yeah, of course those are the only things in the fridge, it's another game joke. Yeah, sure there is Moo Moo Milk and berries and such but I thought that referencing the three beverages from the first game would be the most obvious, since everyone would get it. ^_^ Yep, short. I actually think I've given up on writing longer... I'm all about getting to the point, I guess. XD

armaldo: Uhh... that you are stuck in a game? Get out soon, bud! XD nah, I'm kidding. I'm glad this really connects to you. Thanks for reading!

Thanks. Thanks a lot. But I do have a question for all of you...

I have been thinking a lot about my stance on fics at SPPF and have come to the conclusion that I'm going to need a lot more time now that I'm reviewing as well as writing. So, I'm thinking about changing the way I do things a bit. Should I continue this and Pressure, just at wayyyy spread apart chapters. or should I instead go strictly to one-shots and bring up both ideas in condensed formats? I've just came to the realization that a chaptered format just doesn't work that well for me anymore...

Well, feedback would be helpful. Thanks!

IceKing
20th August 2006, 6:42 PM
Ok! No more waiting, I'm reviewing this dum--err--great fic of yours! I already read it, now while I wait for my toothpaste to dry off, I shall review it!

Chapter One


It had become a ritual, capturing, battling, collecting badges, and the like. There were the occasional contest, too, and the inevitable secret organization to topple, but even those lost their sparkle after a while and seemed trivial.

Very well worded


A fishing pole in hand, she was prepared to show one of them the topside of a frying pan, but after two hours there was no such luck. By now she had assumed that they were all under there talking amongst themselves and organizing a resistance against her and her bait. Boycott aside, it was a very calming moment compared to the heck that was her week so far.

That passage is absolutely hilarious XD And like Sike or one of your other reviewers, I too imagine the barboach all underwater and whispering. Come to think of it, I need to catch a barboach


But now only the creature really seemed wonderful, and she had begun to doubt that the experiences they shared were worth it in the long run.

That's harsh


The woman held back a laugh as she rolled her eyes. “Not deranged, just lonely, I think. It's just like a man who leaves his wife for a few years and the wife's mind slowly deteriorates… not that I would know anything about that sort of situation…” Her voice progressively became quieter.

Oooh, family drama?


“Are you still in that phase where you think there's no reason for anything anymore? There was a time when that was cute, but that was a while ago.” The boy now put his hands in his pockets and looked at the sky.


We all go through that phase. And it stinks


I used to get mad at people when they acted like idiotic cynics but now I'm one of them.”


That can really apply to real life as well. Most of the time, it's common for us to be annoyed at cynics and pessimists until we become one ourselves.


“For some reason, I physically wasn't able to hop up. There was some sort of force stopping me from getting up there and it makes no sense! That's why I'm so confused right now, there was no reason why I- I just couldn't…”

The fact that this is in such a serious context makes it all the more hilarious


He nodded and moved towards her cowering body. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cold cheek.

“I know you're real, Tom… you're real…”

Aww. How kawaii! I'm improving my japanese ^^


“I really doubt this is just me being paranoid, mom,” Lily said angrily, “there is absolutely no reason why that ledge was so darn hard to get up!”


Capitalize mom. If you can put a name in its place, then you capitlize it


“Mom… why does the clock on the wall always read twelve from far away but not when you look at it up close?”


I've never noticed that actually


Her mother walked out of the room and switched off the light. Though Lily was left in the darkness, there was a new source of light in the room.

Another poetic line XD


Well done, Quacky man. Your writing skills are absolutely fantabulous and I've noticed only one mistake (mom-Mom) in the entire thing. Also, on my initial read, I can see nothing to critisize that's blatantly obvious, and I'm not in the mood to fish for one. You combine a serious, depressive mood well with hilarious concepts, which is pretty hard to pull off. And I must compliment on how you managed to do that serious, depressive mood, even I was feeling a bit crummy reading this (in a good way, of course). Normally sunsets and crap are supposed to be all peaceful and happy, but with your word choice and other factors, you managed to make it all peaceful and gloomy. It was nice seeing Tom and Lily's relationship, it's pretty sweet and kawaii (my japanese again =D). At first I thought they were friends, but I figured after the kiss to the cheek they were more. I must also say, I really liked your use of "cold cheek" it was a good use of imagery, I actually felt as if I was kissing a cold cheek.

And on the other hand, the whole issues of things defying physics such as the weird clock and the ledges shorter than grass was just hilarious, especially in such serious contexts. I do hope you manage to pull out more hilarious oddities of the PokeWorld and make some good fun of it. Like the whole staying in your house and only saying one thing over and over. Or letting anyone come into your house, I can just see a trainer come in and randomly talking to Lily's mom and she tells him to go away XD I wonder who this man Lily's mom was originally talking to. I was thinking new boyfriend, but it's clear that her mom is still affected by a past relationship. Then again, it's not entirely uncommon to move on when your still affected by a past relationship...

So yeah, you have a fabulous fic on your hands. The only thing I would be wary of is to not make it too overly-sentimental/poetic.

Keep up the good work, Quacky!

Chapter Two


The glowing box in front of her, once exploding with light and noise, was now muted and grayed as the night went into the twilight hours.

I really liked that description of the television. Your great with words, got any tips for me? Wording is one of my weak points


He watched adamantly as the bartender shoved a red plate topped with a pile of golden french fries and an obnoxiously huge cheeseburger. The man gave a thumbs-up sign with both of his hands as the narrator spoke about something along the lines of how brilliant such and such magazine thought the program was.


Hmm, what's this parodying? I was expecting a parody of tv interviewers saying the dumbest words and such


She reached down and picked it up (although very slowly; generally when a Pikachu evolves it multiplies in weight just as much as its power),

The stuff in the parantheses is kinda excessive, your being a bit too wordy there, and it disrupts the flow. Just say she picked it up with a little strain or something. And I see that you refer to pokeman as its.


If there was one thing she could depend on not changing, it was her Pokemon’s loving smile.

Always with those meaningful lines before the star transitions XD


She had begun to distance herself, most likely due to her changing perception of her world. Their meeting the prior night was the first in weeks.

Those periods in relationships absolutely blow


The table was of a tall, oaken variety and was currently decorated with an autumn motif; Thanksgiving had only been a few days ago and it was Lily’s job to clear the table the next day.

...why do they celebrate Thanksgiving in the pokeworld XD? Did the friendly Vigoroth natives help the first Hoenn settlers yield a good harvest?


It wasn’t that she didn’t like the attention; it was just that there is a line that can easily be crossed with relationships at such a young age. Lily loved him, but was far from being ready to give up her everyday life for him.

One-sided relationships...those suck too. Especially when one party is clueless



“Want something to drink before you go? We’ve got Soda Pop, Lemonade, and Fresh Water…”

That made me crack up. But I do love those drinks, their cheap and heal your pokemon well.


This chapter was a bit short for my liking, didn't really feel the sense of completeness, but you might consider chapters differently, so it's fine. This was full of meaningful lines again, I'm surprised at how you managed to make this so well-thought and philosphical (I so spelled that wrong). Excellent job, all this time I thought you were a stupid little boy (just playin!). I don't like being forced to think, but I'm not too fussed, so it's all good.


Poor Lily staying up all night just thinking...her mother lets her watch tv all night long? Or is just indifferent like mine? I'm still really curious as to what the tv thing was supposed to be about it, plz anwser me! This chapter seemed to focus on Lily's relationships, with her pokemon, her mother, and her boyfriend. It seems that she's becoming more indifferent and even annoyed at Raichu/Sam, but she still loves him. I just hope it's not another Misty-Horsea incident. You don't know how angry that made me, she let that Horsea out of the pokeball like twice! How un-yaoi! (My Japanese again!). I can't believe Tom is actually writing a love poem...those so died out five years ago....*bashes head against desk till it becomes a bloody mess* Tom and Lily's relationship seems to be worse off then Lily and Raichu's, because Lily seems to be more indifferent and annoyed with Tom, though she still likes him, but I wouldn't be surprised if she'd be ready to break up with him in a few weeks. Poor Tom. Judging from my image of Lily, he's gonna miss out. Lily and her mother's relationship seems to be still on good ground, though they are divided by difference in personalities. Lily is in her questioning curiousity mode whereas her mom is in one of those unquestioning obey-the-Party modes. This is a random question, but what game sprites would you associate the charachters with?


That's pretty much all I can think of, I thought this chapter ended a bit abruptly, though on a funny note. Work on that next chapter! Don't give up on this gem =P