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View Full Version : Hell Is White (one-shot, PG-13ish)



intergalactic platypus
24th July 2006, 3:46 PM
~This is a decidedly offbeat oneshot I decided to write. My writing isn't bad, so please take the time to read it. Be warned though, its different~



The first thing I noticed was the color white. It was all around me. White sheets. Blinding white lights. White walls. I had always seen that color as sterile. Clean. Boring. Most people thought it was heaven, but I thought it might be Hell.

The sheets smelled like something that had once been clean but had long gone stale. The faint sourness that you can’t quite place. It smelled a little bit like fear to me.

I tried to move and felt my restraints. I narrowed my eyes. “Team Rocket” I snarled to myself. They must have gotten me. Me and Pikachu. Maybe even May and Max and Brock. With this thought, I started to grow panicky. They couldn’t take my friends.

“Is there anyone out there!” I tried to shout. However, my voice felt long unused and instead of coming out powerful and booming like I had wanted it came out weak. Like the squeak of a little girl. “What have you done with my friends?”

A tall man appeared over me. He was dark, with curly black hair and a beard. He had stony black eyes that I couldn’t read into. His dark appearance was a stark contrast to all the white in the room. He wore a white coat to balance it out. To blend into the rest of the room. Everything ultimately had to blend.

“Ashton. I see you’re awake” he said in a deep voice. His voice was quiet and steady, yet had a resonance. It reminded me of the sound that would be made in a dark and empty cave if someone tried to come in and break the silence punctuated by the water dripping from the ceiling.

“My name is Dr. Jackson. It’s a rarity that you wake up. This could be a big step in our recovery if you’re willing to work with me.”

His black eyes bored into me. I shuddered.

“Are you willing to do it for me Ashton?”

My usual defiance was melting fast. I wouldn’t cooperate with a man who so obviously worked for Team Rocket, the very organization who had plagued me since I started training, the group that represented everything I was against.

“I won’t work with Team Rocket even if my life depends on it” I snarled. I tried to make my voice intimidating, but it came out weak and wavering.

“I’m afraid you don’t understand Ashton. Team Rocket doesn’t exist” he said. His tone had seemed to soften a bit. Or maybe it was just my imagination.

“Yeah right” I laughed. “I know all of you guys excuses.”

Dr. Jackson raised his eyebrow quizzically.

“Ashton, Team Rocket can’t exist. They chase after an illusion.”

I was puzzled by this statement. Did he mean wealth? Power? Controlling all the worlds Pokemon?

“What’s this so called illusion” I asked, trying to keep my uncertainty out of my voice.

An unreadable emotion flashed across Dr. Jackson’s face.

“Ashton, most doctors don’t believe its good to be honest with you. They think it traumatizes patients to let them know the straight up truth. I disagree. I think the first step to recovery is reality. Therefore I find it to be my duty to present you with yours.”

I felt the sick feeling of dread. The powerlessness that an idea was going to present itself that you didn’t want, but it was beyond your control. It tasted like metal and went down into my stomach like ipecac. I tried to swallow.

“Pokemon aren’t real Ashton” Dr. Jackson said, his voice smooth and unwavering. “You made the whole thing up.”

Right then I knew the true meaning of the word overwhelmed. Every part of me was splitting apart at once with this information. The parts of me that wanted to think Dr. Jackson was working for Team Rocket, the part that wanted to believe he was perhaps deranged, the part that thought I had been transported to some strange place, or the worst part of all, the darkest corner of my mind: the part that actually believed it.

I felt like I was going to burst. I wondered vaguely what it would look like if I did. If my organs and blood and tissues would make a shape on the wall. If they would make the pattern of a man screaming.

I couldn’t swallow. My scream had welled up in my throat like a ball. It was trapped there, unable to be freed. My level of emotion was acting as a barricade.

Finally, I found my voice. It was choked, rusty.

“You can’t mean that. Promise me it’s not true. Please. Even if you are evil or trying to trick me, promise me right now.”

I gave him a look that tried to express the pure desperation I was feeling. all I needed to hear was him saying he made it all up. For him to give me a kiss goodnight and let me free in the morning.

Instead, I saw his expression change to a pitying sadness.


”I’m sorry Ashton. I wish I could say what you want to hear. I just can’t though. The fact is everything I just told you is the truth.”

His voice was rich. Satiny. And ultimately the most frightening thing I had ever heard in my life because I realized he couldn’t be lying.

My throat turned to sandpaper. Somewhere in my mind I realized this is what fear really was. Fear was a white hospital room. A room that turned around everything you had ever known.

I managed to choke out questions based on instinct alone, and that last lingering hope that perhaps Dr. Jackson was crazy, although I knew in my heart otherwise.

“Why doctor?”

He sighed. “Ashton, you were in a horrible situation as a child. Mercilessly abused in ways that would make your stomach turn if I described them now. You have the scars to show it.”

I looked around myself, and a detached part of me realized he was right. I had ropey white lines at various points on my body.

“Anyway, your only refuge was your friends and animals. You always were an animal lover. You had a pet mouse who became your closest and most trusted companion. You would keep a small but tight group of friends. They’ve been to the hospital fairly consistently to see you, except for the two who gave up.”

He looked at me hard for a moment.

”If your occasional talk in your delusional state is anything to go by, you had renamed these friends Misty and Tracey. They were never really gone to you though. Every once in a while during observation we would notice those names uttered again even though they hadn’t visited you in years.”

Misty and Tracey. Gone. I could see how Tracey would leave, but after all my years of friendship with Misty she had stopped visiting me?

“Why would Misty stop coming here Doctor” I cried out.

He gave me a stern look. “Don’t mix her up with her real life counterpart. Maya, the friend she was based off of, left rather reluctantly. However, Misty isn’t real.”

“Anyway, your love of animals and few friends, as well as your older brother Brick, were your only thing to turn to. Eventually, you retreated into your own mind. You were ten years old at the time. It was a very interesting case study to watch you continue to build your own reality.”

He thought for a long moment. Case study. I was a case study.

I had read somewhere that a blister was simply the result of the barrier between the upper and lower layers of the skin being broken. Really, this moment was the blister of my reality. My life had been split right from what I thought it was. My reality had been torn from the life I was really living. A blister of my life.

“So Ashton, you have continued to live in this alternate reality. Your mind wants to protect you from reality, so it makes up a fantasy world for you. A world where you can be great. A world where your never abused and you always fight evil, not become submissive to it. A world where at the end of the day there’s always someone to turn to.”

A smile tugged at his mouth. “Isn’t that what we all want? Every child would kill for the fantasy you live in Ashton. But you can’t continue with it. You can’t spend the rest of your life in a mental hospital bed.”

Its clear Dr. Jackson has nothing but the best of intentions to help me. But I didn’t want to live my life like this. I didn’t want to change or to get better. I wanted Pikachu and May and Max and Brock and Misty and my mom and Professor Oak and Tracey.

I wanted to go back and still have a shot at being the worlds best Pokemon trainer, not just another waste of a life trying to live again. I had a life where I was, so why waste it by throwing it all away?

“Ashton, are you ok? Ashton?” Dr. Jackson started to look worried. I let him drift out of focus. I was concentrating on something more important.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to go back. Tried to go back to my world. A place without the stale smell of the sheets or the sterile white of the room. A place where everything was perfect but nothing was real, because nothing real is perfect.

Sometimes we just have to lie to ourselves and have to accept that the truth isn’t the best way to go. Because if lying is the best way to protect ourselves and to keep everything intact, it’s what we had to do.

After all, our goal should be ultimately to protect ourselves and to make sure everything works out ok. So I focused on a place I would much rather be.

I felt myself slipping, spiraling. Felt warm hands on my back but paid no notice. I was falling. Falling.

I was standing with May, Max and Brock. May was nudging my back.

“Ash, where have you been? You just stopped in the middle of our walk and were staring into space. Its like you were totally out of it.”

I blushed a little bit at my own absentmindedness.

“Sorry, I space out sometimes” I said sheepishly, sweat dropping. Pikachu imitated me.

“Well Ash get your head out of the clouds because you have a quest to keep up with” said Brock encouragingly.

“Alright!” I shouted, and started running in down the path. The others, laughing, tried to keep up with me.

At that moment I had the strangest thought. It seemed like it came out of nowhere.

Hell is white.

--------------------

Sike Saner
25th July 2006, 1:40 AM
The first thing I noticed was the color white. It was all around me. White sheets. Blinding white lights. White walls. I had always seen that color as sterile. Clean. Boring. Most people thought it was heaven, but I thought it might be Hell.

The sheets smelled like something that had once been clean but had long gone stale. The faint sourness that you can’t quite place. It smelled a little bit like fear to me.

Great job of setting the scene right from the start. It not only shows what the place simply looks and smells like, it depicts these things specifically through the character’s perception, colored with his opinion of his surroundings. The result is that we get a nice understanding of both the setting and the character at once – thus killing two birds with one stone. ^^


“Pokemon aren’t real Ashton” Dr. Jackson said, his voice smooth and unwavering. “You made the whole thing up.”

Nice delivery of the bombshell there. That right there is sort of the keystone of this story’s premise, so it’s a good thing that it was delivered effectively, in a way that ensured a good, straightforward impact.


Right then I knew the true meaning of the word overwhelmed. Every part of me was splitting apart at once with this information. The parts of me that wanted to think Dr. Jackson was working for Team Rocket, the part that wanted to believe he was perhaps deranged, the part that thought I had been transported to some strange place, or the worst part of all, the darkest corner of my mind: the part that actually believed it.

My favorite paragraph in the entire piece. Terrific depiction of emotions and psychological turmoil. I love the bolded part in particular – the fear of accepting a horrible truth is a powerful, terrible feeling, indeed.


I felt like I was going to burst. I wondered vaguely what it would look like if I did. If my organs and blood and tissues would make a shape on the wall. If they would make the pattern of a man screaming.

I just love the mental images that conjures. And that bolded line – Dang, that is cool. ^^


I had read somewhere that a blister was simply the result of the barrier between the upper and lower layers of the skin being broken. Really, this moment was the blister of my reality. My life had been split right from what I thought it was. My reality had been torn from the life I was really living. A blister of my life.

I think that’s a fantastic analogy.



This is the most original take on the character of Ash that I’ve seen since Pokémon Master. I enjoyed the hell out of this, let me tell you. First of all, it was a terrific use of the sheer power of “what if”: a hypothetical situation that worked so well due to being not only a very original reinterpretation of the Pokémon world, but also very plausible. The idea that Ash’s adventures in the world of Pokémon is nothing but a delusional escape created by his tormented psyche is clever and creative without being farfetched, so big points for that.

I also loved all the great introspection used there; you really gave us a great look behind Ash’s eyes at all that he was thinking and feeling. You also did a great job of showing us the view through his eyes to the situation in which he found himself, describing the scene surrounding him not only as it appeared, but as he saw it, as it made him feel. These qualities, especially the lattest, are the marks of true skill with the first-person perspective – you definitely picked the right perspective for this piece, I’d say.

This was a solid, absorbing, and all around brilliant piece. I’m definitely glad to have read it. ^^

intergalactic platypus
25th July 2006, 3:43 AM
...I am highly, highly honored to be complimented by Sike Saner, who wrote my favorite fanfic ever, The Origin Of Storms. Thank you. I got the blister thing from my anatomy class btw. And if anyone who actually reviews can figure out why Ashes doctor was black, they get a cookie. As a side note, I named him Dr. Jackson because if this were a movie Samuel L Jackson would so play him

UltaFlame
25th July 2006, 4:14 AM
uhhh i guess he was blackl because he was imagining dr jackson as giovanni basically. thats my guess maybe you could make anther 'part' o this where for some reason his fantasy world goes crazy and his body reacts bye going into some crazy fit and the doctors try to wake ash up but to no avail then suddenly he wakes up and they doc's tell him if he pulls another stunt like last time he will be dead within the hour and then you can carry on how ash lives his life after maybe becoming famous after an news report accidently catches him talking to his new friends about his fantasy world and a bunch of games and a tv show is based off it all mainly starring him ash. but you know thats just me and your thing does say it's a oneshot so you know that might be out of the question.

EDIT: but i would definitlely be a loyal reader of you did so can't wai to see if you do.

intergalactic platypus
25th July 2006, 4:52 AM
No. Giovanni is stereotypically Italian. And sorry, one shot is one shot. I'm not commited enough for chapter fics aside from my novel. The reason he's black is actually because shades of black and white is the truth, while Ashes world is technicolor

UltaFlame
25th July 2006, 5:32 AM
oh ok thats cool. too bad though i would have liked to see ash writhing in pain and agony as all he see's is a big twisted sense of reality that got all crzy and mustered, with purple and blue cluttering the big mass of black, replacing his old reality. oh well i can dream can't i.

intergalactic platypus
25th July 2006, 5:36 AM
...Thats just a touch sadistic. I write dark and depressing fics (I even gave Ash AIDS from a drunken one night stand in a past shipping fic), but I'm not that cruel to my characters

UltaFlame
25th July 2006, 5:40 AM
yeah neither am i. but with the mental state he was in (and my hyperactivity induced temporary insanity my [usually inactive cept when i have inspration and what-not] got me to say that and the fact of my own fic being put down basicaly at that moment i was an emotional wreck.)

chrisivy
25th July 2006, 4:13 PM
COOL. Yeah, that's all.

intergalactic platypus
25th July 2006, 4:48 PM
Well that wasn't very descriptive but at least you liked it...

JB239874
26th July 2006, 4:08 PM
Weird.

;328;-Weird.

;212;-Weird

;126;--Weird.

;258;-Weird.

;025;-Weird.

;384;-Weird.

Funny.

UltaFlame
26th July 2006, 4:15 PM
why'd you use so many smilies. oh well. i really liked this fic. (i already reviewed it) i think well 'm just going through here checking on new posts whenever i see it.

intergalactic platypus
26th July 2006, 9:46 PM
Weird.

;328;-Weird.

;212;-Weird

;126;--Weird.

;258;-Weird.

;025;-Weird.

;384;-Weird.

Funny.
It wasn't supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be disturbing and original

Jo-Jo
27th July 2006, 1:02 AM
K, time to stop being a lazy bum and review this...

Wow, this fic really impressed me. Good, strong concept, cleverly explained. The idea has... kind of been done, I suppose... I remember seeing an episode of Buffy that's based around this premise, although in that ep it turned out that the Buffyverse was the reality and the mental hospital was the illusion. But you pull it off really nicely, and a neat idea is a neat idea either way. ^_^ I really liked the recurring 'hell is white' theme (which also made for a great title), particularly the way you used it for the last line. The length was exactly right; some people would have been tempted to make it longer, but it works best as a short piece that kind of shocks and discomforts you and then darts away before we can adjust to the horror of it.

I think the only thing that didn't ring true to me was the speed at which Ash accepted what Dr. Jackson was saying. I think if he's meant to be capable of denying reality to such an extent that he creates an entire new world to live in and only occasionally emerges from it, then he ought not to believe Dr. Jackson until the very end, if at all. Perhaps it'd be clever if he never believes it - you could turn him into an ironic narrator, so the audience knows the truth but Ash refuses to accept it.

Overall, though, I thought the fic was really compelling. Have you written any more horror/psychological stuff? I wouldn't mind taking a peek. ;)

intergalactic platypus
27th July 2006, 2:06 AM
I would have been ultra bored writing a fic where all Ash did was say "OMG ITZ NOT TRU!". I think we always accept the truth in a dark corner of our minds...even when its just in the back. Thank you Jo Jo, I'm a bit strapped for reviews so its nice to get one

UltaFlame
27th July 2006, 2:13 AM
god i liked this (read it again) everytime i read it i like it even more (whats up with that) i mean thre was a ton of description and lacked nothing i didn't want to read right now.

Heracross
28th July 2006, 10:12 AM
Great stuff, this is. Sometimes it's nice to read something twisted that really makes you sit and reflect on it for a bit afterwards.

I like how effectively you balanced his feelings and the descriptions with the dialogue, so there was just enough of each - that's something I often have trouble with in my own writing. The use of symbolism was also quite interesting, not to mention the billiant blister analogy.

I'd love to see some of your other dark and twisted work. XD

Brian Powell
28th July 2006, 2:57 PM
A nice idea you’ve got there… *checks name, feels lazy* IP. Having the anime’s main character spacing out into the ‘real world’, where nutcases live in mental institutes, that’s a great idea. The emotions of the characters goes well with the descriptions and dialogues.

My main problem with this fic is that you’ve placed a number of full stops(.) in unnecessary places, thus making the grammar look terrible.

Observe:

The first thing I noticed was the color white. It was all around me. White sheets. Blinding white lights. White walls. I had always seen that color as sterile. Clean. Boring. Most people thought it was heaven, but I thought it might be Hell.
Unless you have a good reason to write like that, I think you ought to write something like this (see below). See if this makes sense.

The first thing I noticed was the color white, it was all around me. White sheets, blinding white lights, and white walls. I had always seen that color as sterile, clean, and boring. Most people thought it was heaven, but I thought it might be hell.

This problem occurred more than once for this fic. I suggest that you read through the fic and double check for grammar.

Overall score: 3/5

UltaFlame
28th July 2006, 3:19 PM
i hink he meant to try and give a certain effect with that Brian Powell. i know i got an effect out of it maybe it wasn't intentional but that's how i saw it. anyway i read it again and your right.

HELL IS WHITE!

Jo-Jo
28th July 2006, 3:31 PM
There's nothing wrong with short sentences. The minimalistic effect works for this fic. Replacing them all with commas would ruin it, IMO. Plus, "The first thing I noticed was the color white, it was all around me" isn't a proper sentence.

Brian Powell
28th July 2006, 3:43 PM
Well, in my defence. This the first time I read a fic like this one, and on first viewing, it felt a bit weird because of the full stops(.) and such so I'm not used to it. To me, and no disrespect, it was like reading a Kindergarten story.

intergalactic platypus
28th July 2006, 6:29 PM
I feel so flattered knowing someone thinks I'm on kindergarten level :)
EDIT: To clarify, Jo Jo was correct. I broke up the sentences because it made more dramatic sense to me

Kiyohime
28th July 2006, 6:39 PM
Breaking up the sentences was smart. It gives a minimalist, black-and-white feel to the story, so don't be fussed if people think it was on a kindergarten level--writing has rules, but rules are maent to be broken if only for the good of a story. :P

Now, on to the actual story itself. Very tautly executed, and superb. The blister analogy was a touch of genius, and summed his situation up very well--but my favorite part was the end--when that thought flashed through his mind and he pushes it away. It reminds me a lot of whenever I have a dream, a wonderful one, and I begin to wake up, but I don't want to, so I force myself back into the dream, but it's been slightly altered as a result.

Wonderful writing. ^^

intergalactic platypus
28th July 2006, 6:40 PM
I see people really like the blister analogy. Looks like my anatomy class was good for something at least. Considering the fact that in the past I've made Ash a nutcase, a stalker, an AIDS patient, and an adulterer I don't know what I'm gonna do to him next, unless I pick someone else. I might do something about Misty's childhood and whatnot, I dunno, but I'll do something else

UltaFlame
28th July 2006, 6:55 PM
oh ok when you do could you send me a pm with a link to it plz. and some people get jealous of great fics like this so they ome up with some random insult. for example brian powell's kindergarten comment. what do you think is a really high possibility. ASH AS AN AIDS PATIENT BRILLIANT. can you put a link to that one.

intergalactic platypus
28th July 2006, 7:35 PM
That one is really old and dead now :( sorry

indigestible_wad
4th August 2006, 1:58 AM
Most people thought it was heaven, but I thought it might be Hell.You capitolize Hell but not heaven?

However, my voice felt long unused and instead of coming out powerful and booming like I had wanted it came out weak. Like the squeak of a little girl.However, my voice felt long unused and instead of coming out powerful and booming like I had wanted, it came out weak like the squeak of a little girl.

To blend into the rest of the room.Incomplete sentence. Never use the infinitive form of a verb as the preticate.

“Yeah right” I laughed. “I know all of you guys excuses.”First one needs a comma, second needs an apostrophe.

The powerlessness that an idea was going to present itself that you didn’t want, but it was beyond your control.That is an incomplete sentence. Add a comma at the end and put in the preticate after it.

A world where your never abused and you always fight evil, not become submissive to it.you're
Also, consider revising the second half of the sentence, as it doesn't look right.

Its clear Dr. Jackson has nothing but the best of intentions to help me.It's

Felt warm hands on my back but paid no notice.Incomplete sentence. You need an "I" in there.

You seem to forget to put commas when you end a quote. You need to remember to put those there.

Personally the innitial reaction that Ash got when the doctor told him that pokemon aren’t real felt a little bit wrong to me. He would say something along the lines of it being a joke. He wouldn’t be that gullible. At least not right off the bat. No one would let their fantasy go that easily. Especially if their fantasy was the only life they knew. I would think that the doctor would have to try a little harder to convince him.

The transition from reality back to fantasy was good, but something about it seemed a little wrong to me. It felt more like an actual thought to me, rather than description. Especially this passage.

Sometimes we just have to lie to ourselves and have to accept that the truth isn’t the best way to go. Because if lying is the best way to protect ourselves and to keep everything intact, it’s what we had to do.

After all, our goal should be ultimately to protect ourselves and to make sure everything works out ok. So I focused on a place I would much rather be.
Since those are more like thoughts, I would consider making them italicized, so as to tell the difference. Actually when you think about it, they’re kind of like the moral of the story.

This was a very nice story. I remember seeing something like this on Buffy the Vampire Slayer a couple of years ago and thought of many different things that could be interpreted this way. You did a good job on showing it in a pokemon sense.

ZlasPorygon
4th August 2006, 3:26 AM
Well I'm no story critic, but in my eyes this was very well written and entertaining.

Silentvibrava
4th August 2006, 4:15 AM
I never knew you had a one-shot. So, a formal hello to you! I am ready to review this right now. Let me first say that I was afraid to read this, because I was once in an institution called Loma Linda for study of my unusual autism case.

As I read it, not only did I over come my fear of a past experience, but I realized that I was enjoying it thoroughly.

The idea is very creative, and had to be hard to write with all the emotion in it. However, you pulled it off with extreme talent.

You had a few grammar mistakes, and it was shaky a little bit after the beginning, but after you got into it more it flowed exceptionally.


Me and Pikachu

It should be Pikachu and I, but this is a very common mistake with people your age.


The sheets smelled like something that had once been clean but had long gone stale. The faint sourness that you can’t quite place. It smelled a little bit like fear to me.


His dark appearance was a stark contrast to all the white in the room. He wore a white coat to balance it out.




“Ashton. I see you’re awake”

Ashton? 8P


“Ashton, most doctors don’t believe its good to be honest with you. They think it traumatizes patients to let them know the straight up truth. I disagree. I think the first step to recovery is reality. Therefore I find it to be my duty to present you with yours.”

I remember my doctor told me something similar to that, and I think it is the best thing to tell them.


“Anyway, your love of animals and few friends, as well as your older brother Brick, were your only thing to turn to. Eventually, you retreated into your own mind. You were ten years old at the time. It was a very interesting case study to watch you continue to build your own reality.”

You hit the nail on the head by telling us that the mind can do extraordinary things.


Sometimes we just have to lie to ourselves and have to accept that the truth isn’t the best way to go. Because if lying is the best way to protect ourselves and to keep everything intact, it’s what we had to do.

This was my favorite part of the whole fanfiction. It really spoke to me.

This has to be the most original concept I have ever seen put into Ash and co. Forget someone magically being transported from the Pokemon world, your idea certainly is more entertaining to toy with.

I'm impressed, but there is some room for improvement. There always is, even with me, and learning some grammar rules, and a little bit more of sensory details, will help you reach your full potential.

Jirachi_Lily
4th August 2006, 7:43 AM
One of the best fanfics I have ever read. You are a brilliant writer. When the doctor told Ashton that Pokemon didn't exist, I felt numb. The last time that happened to me was when I read Harry Potter.

Good luck with any future stories.

Dubble Flux
5th August 2006, 1:29 AM
It's absolutely rare to ever see me comment on a fic, and I've never read a one-shot, but since I saw it's author was you, I fig'ered I'd give it a shot. :D

First, I must say. I was just about to turn back when I read 'Brock/May/Max/Pikachu/etc.', as I hate the anime characters, yet I read on. And for that, I'm grateful. I mean damn, if this is what all one-shots are like, I gotta read more! Terrific, evokative descriptions - descriptions the reader can relate to. I could feel the purposeful awkwardness of the situation. It doesn't feel as if it was meant to be straightforward expression, but to cause you to doubt what was happening, just like Ash.

Unless I was too caught-up, then the grammar and spelling was impecable, and the sentence deliver was dead-on. I love the effect you create at the end, more than anything else in the story: when he snaps back with the group, it's presentation was short, but precise. For a second, I thought the story took me back to the actual reality of the fic's universe, and just as Ash doubts it, I do too.

Believe me, to get me to come out and actually spend time to read (let alone actually comment, and at that, the comment was heartfelt) something here, and to that affect, a one-shot, should be taken as one of my greatest compliments. I may seem to be glorifying everything, but hey, it's how I see things, my opinion. Excellent work, i_p!

~The Don

indigestible_wad
5th August 2006, 2:52 AM
I mean damn, if this is what all one-shots are like, I gotta read more!Flux, I think you would enjoy one shots because they are usually similar to this. A generally emotional story about a single idea. You can't really get that with a chaptered fic.

intergalactic platypus
5th August 2006, 6:20 PM
It's absolutely rare to ever see me comment on a fic, and I've never read a one-shot, but since I saw it's author was you, I fig'ered I'd give it a shot. :D

First, I must say. I was just about to turn back when I read 'Brock/May/Max/Pikachu/etc.', as I hate the anime characters, yet I read on. And for that, I'm grateful. I mean damn, if this is what all one-shots are like, I gotta read more! Terrific, evokative descriptions - descriptions the reader can relate to. I could feel the purposeful awkwardness of the situation. It doesn't feel as if it was meant to be straightforward expression, but to cause you to doubt what was happening, just like Ash.

Unless I was too caught-up, then the grammar and spelling was impecable, and the sentence deliver was dead-on. I love the effect you create at the end, more than anything else in the story: when he snaps back with the group, it's presentation was short, but precise. For a second, I thought the story took me back to the actual reality of the fic's universe, and just as Ash doubts it, I do too.

Believe me, to get me to come out and actually spend time to read (let alone actually comment, and at that, the comment was heartfelt) something here, and to that affect, a one-shot, should be taken as one of my greatest compliments. I may seem to be glorifying everything, but hey, it's how I see things, my opinion. Excellent work, i_p!

~The Don
Thanks Flux. It really means a lot to me that a non reviewer and non fan of the anime would actually read this...Thanks to all of you. I've got another one sitting on my hardrive concerning the truth about Mistys family...