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DawnOfXatu
24th July 2006, 5:35 PM
Pokemon Hoenn Avengers (PG-13)

Well here we go my first fan fic I haven’t done much for the website yet so I decided that this would be a good start. The genre of the story is a serious comedy (don’t worry the comedy will come.) The story takes place in the region of Hoenn about a year after XD Gale of Darkness and 5 years after Pokemon Emerald. Here is the disclaimer.

This work is completely my own idea and all of the characters are from my brilliant mind or from the game Pokemon Emerald the pokemon that I use aren’t mine. The story line is mine. Also some of my lines come from the game Fire Emblem Sacred Stones. I have not read all of the fan fics yet and this is my first time writing one if I use an idea that has already been used in your fan fic then please notify me. I will not put any idea purposely on my story without giving proper credit to the author.

As I said up there this is my first fan fic and I’m not the most upbeat person so if you are under the age of 13 then I strongly suggest that you don’t read this for these reasons: There will be mild language throughout the story (some chapters have their moments), there’s mild violence throughout the story, and there is death but not enough to reach mild. Not as much as a warning this story has a lot of large words so be sure that you are up for the challenge. I’ll notify you if any of these arrive.

Prologue
Hoenn lies in ruins. There is no doubt in the people’s minds that this is true. Though people try to be optimistic, they know that their land is a corpse that has not died yet. The bodies of the departed pokemon litter the streets due to the destruction of Mt. Pyre. Who is to blame for the utter destruction of the land TUN, The Under Navigators. TUN was an underground organization that made the gears of Hoenn turn. TUN was aliened with the shadow plan in Orre. Where Cipher, a group of people who stole pokemon and artificially closed the doors to their hearts for fighting purposes worked. When the shadow plan failed TUN lost all excess income. TUNS was faced with the choice of let Hoenn suffer and move on, work hard for minimal pay to keep a continent that barely knew of their existence going, or let Hoenn suffer and take it for their own. What a difficult choice they faced. The decision was made in less than a day by the new Grand Master who took power in the last three days.
“We’re to lay waste to Hoenn and take it for our own,” declared the Grand Master “And don’t worry I have a plan.” According to the Grand Masters plan TUN was to poison Hoenn from within. TUN then began to take the funds that were made by the gyms, pokemarts, pokecenters, and the Elite Four and they put it towards a new pokemon project. With the funds not being used to make more pokeballs and potions, there were no new aspiring trainers. With no ways for the pokemon to be healed because the pokemarts and pokecenters don’t have items to sale or to use. With no pokemon to oppose them the gyms went out of business. With no gyms there wasn’t a way for a trainer to reach the Elite Four. So they went under as well.
Then as the trainers that could oppose them dwindled TUN put their project into action. The next day about a thousand pokemon disappeared. The main body of the pokemon that disappeared was dark and steel pokemon most of which were wild. None of the people even talked about it because they had larger problems on their hands with the outrageous taxes the people were up to their ears in debt as the country tries to fix the hole that they dug themselves. With the money that they were making from the taxes the people had no idea what to do with it. The collectors before were just told to mail it to Azgaton Isle, the headquarters for TUN and TUN took care of all the work. Now TUN had vanished off the face of the earth. No one could find them. Now the land of Hoenn was on its own and it couldn’t handle it….

To be continued. Well its pretty much blossoming right now it’ll get better. Now if you are a fan of Wallace or Steven and you’d have a problem with them losing a battle then don’t read the next chapter. As for this first part it was a tad graphic and a little hard to understand but this was just the prologue Ch. 1 A Plan to End All Plans will be better.

Leon Phelps
24th July 2006, 5:53 PM
First of all, space this out. That means press the Enter button twice when you finish a paragraph so the reader won't get lost in a sea of text.

This should have been longer, at least a page in MS Word if you weren't going to post the first chapter yet. This really didn't interest me much either. When you bombard the reader with stuff about taxes and deficits it's kinda boring. I see that you're trying to do something original, it just wasn't executed well. You give us all of this information without explaining it well enough, like we're supposed to comprehend and remember all of it, or CARE. This is really going to mess up your flow when you try to explain everything later and cover up plot holes. I'll just wait for the first few chapters to be fair.

~Leon P.

Dimentio
24th July 2006, 6:18 PM
To be quite honest, I thought it would've been longer. My chapters are approximately 6 pages long, but my prolouge was 5. That should be around how many pages it will look like on Microsoft Word. The story itself though was pretty good.

~fuzzy out~

DawnOfXatu
24th July 2006, 7:54 PM
Gimme a break It's the prolouge. but yeah it was not my best piece anyway I will have more interesting chapters coming. but still it's just the prolouge! Oh and thank you Yeah i should space it out i started to work on Ch 1 and it does seem that it looks better when its spaced. And plese tell me if you see anything that i should sum up because it's much harder to critisize yourself than it is to critisize others >_<.

DawnOfXatu
1st August 2006, 6:29 PM
Chapter one have fun and remember BLOSSOMING!



Chapter One. A Plan to End All Plans
The story continues on Rrennim Isle, an isle that is about 7 miles east of the battle frontier. “Grand Master you have my props you made a great choice when you relocated the headquarters to Rrennim Isle,” said a strange man in a dark cloak.
“Sir we have report that the CS pokemon are starting to begin to gather in numbers,” reported another solider as he ran into the room where the Grand Master was located.


“CS pokemon?” inquired the strange man.
“CS pokemon,” explained the Grand Master “They’re a type of pokemon that I’ve been working on. They are a pokemon that has the DNA of a dark steel pokemon and the
DNA that they would normally possess. It is a genetic mutation that is caused by the DNA of a dark and a steel pokemon being fused to their body via the CS chamber. The CS chamber is a chamber that takes a pokemon’s DNA and fuses them over and over until the pokemon that we want is acquired. Then we take the pokemon and we do something similar to them as our correspondents in Orre were doing. They were taking the pokemon and artificially closing the pokemon’s heart. This time though the pokemon can’t be caught by a snag machine.”


“Snag Machine?” said the soldier
“Yeah a snag machine was a machine that was once used by a child that could capture another trainer’s pokemon. So now that they can’t be caught they’re almost unstoppable. The only downside is that the aura of the pokemon can be seen so they have to be used in discretion,” said the Grand Master.
“What a marvel,” said the strange man beginning to laugh. The three men began to laugh.
“Now it’s time to put my plan into full throttle,” continued the Grand Master “Soldier go begin to muster all of the CS pokemon on the isle in front of the podium.”
“Yes sir,” said the soldier.




---
Over the next few days the CS pokemon began to muster in front of the podium. With these pokemon on the front of the isle the blackness of their hearts had begun to upset the balance of nature. With the balance of nature disrupted the pokemon that have to keep nature in check were called to the isle where they would meet a fate worse than death….
“Grand Master we have word that Groudon, Kyorge, and Rayquaza are making their way to the isle,” reported the strange man from before.
“Ah yes everything is going according to plan,” stated the Grand Master, “Go get these components,” said the Grand Master giving the soldier a piece of paper.



---
As the soldier returned he handed the Grand Master a small bag. “Thank you soldier,” said the Grand Master as he stood up revealing that he was wearing a mask. He then walked out of the building to see that the trainers that were on the isle had already begun to attack the behemoths that approached them. The Grand Master then ordered that the trainers call back their pokemon. As the trainers began to call back their pokemon the Grand Master took the items out of the bag revealing that they were three Master Balls. It was then over in an instant the three powerful pokemon had been captured by a single person. The crowd then rejoiced as the Grand Master walked up onto the podium and said; “Today is the beginning of the end of Hoenn.” he tossed the pokeballs to a soldier and said “Go transform these into CS pokemon.”



---
That very same day in Fallarbor Town the corpses of many pokemon mainly Skarmory and Mightyena were dumped on the vast plain of the volcanic ash. People took notice when this happened and a buzz of odd and strange rumors began to float around Hoenn. As the week continued the rumors began to become more and more ludicrous until three days later it happened.


The day was like any other at that time the tension, panic, and chaos was like a thick miasma that filled the air with grief and sorrow. For whom the grief and sorrow was meant for was unknown. Possibly themselves possibly others though no one has had to face anything more than debt. What a sad time it was in the continent of Hoenn and that is was when TUN decided to strike.


A lone helicopter flew through the air as the destruction of Hoenn was on its shoulders. The helicopter flew from Rrennim Isle to Lilycove. As the helicopter flew directly over the pokecenter of the town a soldier threw the three masterballs over the side and as they flew out came the three legendary pokemon.


Rayquaza is a pokemon that looks like a long snakelike dragon with small arms. Rayquaza is almost completely green and has yellow lines coursing through his body. Kyorge looks to be a large whale with massive fins that spread outward his body is blue with red patterns on his body and fins. And finally Groudon the wide and bulky land snake that has arms and legs that are extremely large. Groudon’s body is red and has black markings on his entire body.


As the three crashed to the ground Kyorge landed on the coast of Lilycove. They were comparable in size to large houses. Then the large black grey aura emanated from their bodies. Kyorge had begun to crash waves upon the coast of Lilycove. Rayquaza unleashed a powerful blast of pure energy upon the shopping tower. Groudon ripped through the pokecenter. As the threes path of destruction in Lilycove wasn’t enough the three pokemon now began to walk in three different directions. Kyorge swam towards Sootopolis with a malicious look in his eyes. Rayquaza flew off towards Mossdeep and Groudon marched toward Fortree.


The three destroyed everything in their paths. They destroyed homes cities everything. As Groudon marched he was met by some of the best pokemon trainers on the continent he then beat every one of the trainers with strange moves that they couldn’t identify. Then one trainer came out of the crowd he wore a black cloak then Groudon turned to stare directly at him. It was as if time stood still. The trainer then took three pokeballs out of his bag.


Battle Mystery Trainer vs. Groudon

“Go Breloom hit the Groudon with a Mega Drain!” shouted the mystery trainer. A small pokemon about the size of a child and it had a mushroom on its head. The Breloom then quickly latched on to the Groudon and sucked but there aura around the Groudon somehow seemed to reduce the damage taken.


The Groudon then dropped its jaw and loosed a large black red flame upon the Breloom. The Breloom was severely damaged though it had hung on none the less.


“Interesting,” Said the Mystery trainer. The Groudon had seen its chance and its claws turned a bright green black color and Groudon rushed at the Breloom. The mystery trainer stayed cool and composed as he then yelled “Mach Punch Breloom!” Then as the Groudon was rushing at the Breloom the Breloom quickly darted at the Groudon and smashed into the Groudon dealing extremely increased damage.


The Groudon was now annoyed with the pestering Breloom and it quickly slashed at the Breloom knocking it out.


“Grrr… return Breloom come on Wigglytuff Focus Punch!” continued the mysterious trainer. The Wigglytuff a small sized puffball that’s size was comparable to Breloom came out then began to tighten its focus.
The Groudon then swung its tail and hit the Wigglytuff scoring a critical hit.


“What!” exclaimed the trainer “Come on you’re my last pokemon Go Macargo! Fire Blast! Then a snail came out it was a bit shorter than the Breloom but it was the largest in size of the three. The Macargos body was made out of lava with a shell that was hardened lava. Macargo then shot a large sized fire ball at the Groudon. The Fire Blast barley scratched him.


“I’m at a loss here,” said the mystery trainer as he fell to his knees. “It seems that it is steel because Mega Drain didn’t affect it but Mach Punch did awesome damage. But that would make it so Fire Blast knocks it out.”


The trainer was taking too much time for Groudon and Groudon’s claw then began to glow a bright black green and then slashed at the Macargo knocking it out. The Groudon’s aura then faded so the aura was a dim grey surrounding its entire body. The Groudon then walked off to a cave to the north. No trainer was fool enough to follow due to the crushing defeat received by the mystery trainer.


---

Rayquaza entered Sootopolis he was met by Wallace a powerful water trainer and the former pokemon league champ until it was shut down. And as Rayquaza was about to destroy the city his pokemon leapt into action. The Rayquaza used strange moves that even Wallace hadn’t seen before.


Battle Trainer Wallace vs. Rayquaza.

“Go Gyrados Ice Beam!” said Wallace knowing that ice would do an increased amount of damage to the dragon flying type. Out of the pokeball flew a large dragon a little smaller than the Rayquaza appeared. The Gyrados then blew a frozen beam of pure ice at the Rayquaza. As the beam of ice hit the Rayquaza it did fair damage weakening it. “That should have done more damage,” said Wallace to himself.


The Rayquaza then flew into the sky and the sky turned black with dark clouds. Then from the clouds a dark burst of lightning flew down and struck the Gyrados knocking it out.


“My Gyrados is always weak to lightning, Gyrados return!” said Wallace trying to remain cool, “Go Ludicolo toxic the Rayquaza to weaken it. A small froglike pokemon wearing a poncho appeared. The Ludicolo then shot a small ball of poison at the Rayquaza hoping to poison it. Then the aura surrounding the Rayquaza began to glow and it reflected the poison type attack. “How did that happen?” inquired Wallace to himself.


The Rayquaza then flew into the air as the aura surrounding it grew pitch black. It then flew straight into the Ludicolo knocking it out. “Hmmmm….Ludicolo return. Go Vaporeon you’re my last pokemon continue to weaken the Rayquaza with another Ice Beam!” Out of the pokeball appeared a dog size mermaid with four legs that was completely blue. Then as the Gyrados did the Vaporeon shot a frozen beam of ice at the Rayquaza. The Rayquaza had taken a large amount of damage throughout the battle but it was still standing strong. The Rayquaza then shot up into the air and shot down another blast of thunder like the one used on the Gyrados and knocked out the Vaporeon.


“No I…I lost Vaporeon return.” said Wallace. Then the aura around the Rayquaza dimmed and the Rayquaza flew off to a tower towards the south.

---

As the Kyorge swam to Mossdeep the Kyorge was met by a great trainer named Steven Stone who was the former pokemon league champ until he resigned and Wallace took his place. The Kyorge had an arsenal of moves that even Steven couldn’t identify.


Battle Trainer Steven vs. Kyorge

“C’mon Aggron I know just what to do,” called Steven “Thunder!” The Aggron looked like a large metallic Rhino standing on two legs. The Aggron then shot a blast of thunder on to the Kyorge. The Kyorge took minimal damage for the fact that the pokemon was water type making it weak to electric type attacks. “Maybe if we hit the thing with a thunder while on top of it?” said Steven “Surf towards the Kyorge Aggron,” commanded Steven. In his defense Steven wasn’t thinking to clearly that day because the second that the Aggron had jumped in the water the Kyorge shot a massive tsunami at the Aggron knocking it out.


“Clever pokemon Aggron return!” said Steven “Go Metagross Meteor Mash!” Out of the Pokeball came a large metallic pokemon that had four legs and an X over its face. It then focused its energy and slammed into the Kyorge with the force of a meteor. The damage to the Kyorge was minimal and the Kyorge then reared back and slammed a dark wave onto the Metagross dealing almost enough damage to knock it out.


“Was that a dark move? The aura also reflected moves like it was steel. What is up with these pokemon?” Inquired Steven “Metagross attack with Psychic!” The Metagross then attacked the Kyorge with a blast of mental energy. The energy was deflected by the aura.


The Kyorge then reared back and slammed another wave of darkness onto the Metagross knocking it out. “Darn it,” said Steven. “Metagross return!” “Come now you’re my last chance go Skarmory!” Out of the Pokeball appeared a metallic bird with red wings, “Use Swagger!” The Skarmory then taunted the Kyorge making its strength go up yet it then became confused.


The confused Kyorge then stumbled hurting itself in the confusion. Skarmory use Counter.” The Skarmory then braced itself readying an attack. The Kyorge then shot a dark blast of lightning at the Skarmory knocking it out.


“No Skarmory return!” said Steven. Then the aura around the Kyorge faded into a dim black and the Kyorge then dove underwater. “How….strange,” said Steven.


As Steven ended his sentence he noticed a large amount of black helicopters flying toward the continent of Hoenn….





To be continued. Well that was a little better than the prologue. And next chapter you’ll meet some or all of the main characters. I may want to change the rating for next chapter but I want to see how it goes while I write it. And if you’re wondering why the three only had three pokemon it was for times sake. Now after the next chapter I really don’t have the story set in stone or anything so I’m open to Ideas. I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD GIVE ME AWHOLE 50 LINE POST OF YOUR IDEAS. Just give me a little bit of what you think I should do with the story. But trust me I know what I’m doing.

Dimentio
1st August 2006, 10:05 PM
I read it over again and let me show you something about your battles:


Battle Trainer Wallace vs. Rayquaza.

“Go Gyrados Ice Beam!” said Wallace knowing that ice would do an increased amount of damage to the dragon flying type. Out of the pokeball flew a large dragon a little smaller than the Rayquaza appeared. The Gyrados then blew a frozen beam of pure ice at the Rayquaza. As the beam of ice hit the Rayquaza it did fair damage weakening it. “That should have done more damage,” said Wallace to himself.


The Rayquaza then flew into the sky and the sky turned black with dark clouds. Then from the clouds a dark burst of lightning flew down and struck the Gyrados knocking it out.


“My Gyrados is always weak to lightning, Gyrados return!” said Wallace trying to remain cool, “Go Ludicolo toxic the Rayquaza to weaken it. A small froglike pokemon wearing a poncho appeared. The Ludicolo then shot a small ball of poison at the Rayquaza hoping to poison it. Then the aura surrounding the Rayquaza began to glow and it reflected the poison type attack. “How did that happen?” inquired Wallace to himself.


The Rayquaza then flew into the air as the aura surrounding it grew pitch black. It then flew straight into the Ludicolo knocking it out. “Hmmmm….Ludicolo return. Go Vaporeon you’re my last pokemon continue to weaken the Rayquaza with another Ice Beam!” Out of the pokeball appeared a dog size mermaid with four legs that was completely blue. Then as the Gyrados did the Vaporeon shot a frozen beam of ice at the Rayquaza. The Rayquaza had taken a large amount of damage throughout the battle but it was still standing strong. The Rayquaza then shot up into the air and shot down another blast of thunder like the one used on the Gyrados and knocked out the Vaporeon.


“No I…I lost Vaporeon return.” said Wallace. Then the aura around the Rayquaza dimmed and the Rayquaza flew off to a tower towards the south.
This is what you wrote obviously, now how about setting it up more like this:



~~~
Battle: Trainer Wallace vs. Rayquaza.

“Go Gyrados Ice Beam!” said Wallace knowing that ice would do an increased amount of damage to the dragon flying type. Out of the pokeball flew a large dragon a little smaller than the Rayquaza appeared. The Gyrados then blew a frozen beam of pure ice at the Rayquaza. As the beam of ice hit the Rayquaza it did fair damage weakening it. “That should have done more damage,” said Wallace to himself.


The Rayquaza then flew into the sky and the sky turned black with dark clouds. Then from the clouds a dark burst of lightning flew down and struck the Gyrados knocking it out.


“My Gyrados is always weak to lightning, Gyrados return!” said Wallace trying to remain cool, “Go Ludicolo toxic the Rayquaza to weaken it. A small froglike pokemon wearing a poncho appeared. The Ludicolo then shot a small ball of poison at the Rayquaza hoping to poison it. Then the aura surrounding the Rayquaza began to glow and it reflected the poison type attack. “How did that happen?” inquired Wallace to himself.


The Rayquaza then flew into the air as the aura surrounding it grew pitch black. It then flew straight into the Ludicolo knocking it out. “Hmmmm….Ludicolo return. Go Vaporeon you’re my last pokemon continue to weaken the Rayquaza with another Ice Beam!” Out of the pokeball appeared a dog size mermaid with four legs that was completely blue. Then as the Gyrados did the Vaporeon shot a frozen beam of ice at the Rayquaza. The Rayquaza had taken a large amount of damage throughout the battle but it was still standing strong. The Rayquaza then shot up into the air and shot down another blast of thunder like the one used on the Gyrados and knocked out the Vaporeon.


“No I…I lost Vaporeon return.” said Wallace. Then the aura around the Rayquaza dimmed and the Rayquaza flew off to a tower towards the south.
~~~
Or something of that magnitude, just to let us all know where the battle starts/ends and make it look fancier

~fuzzy out~

DawnOfXatu
2nd August 2006, 12:02 AM
K thanks fuzzy I guess that I just rely on the readers knoledge a little too much.

Dimentio
2nd August 2006, 1:07 AM
That's okay. Nobody ever starts out the best, everyone has something to improve on. And besides, we are the Reviewers also, we're here to review as well as enjoy.

~fuzzy out~

DawnOfXatu
2nd August 2006, 1:21 AM
THat is a little too Zen like for you whats up fuzzy?

Dimentio
2nd August 2006, 2:24 AM
heh, nothin'. Just givin' advice where needed.

~fuzzy out~