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Fire_lover787
25th July 2006, 1:58 AM
The title says PG-12 cause... come on, kids today are cussing at the age of 5! Trust me, I've seen it. Well this is my first fic on this forum. My others were a flop, but hopefully I've learned a few things through my failure. I'll update each week, you'll know when the weekly update will happen when my team on my sig changes to the next gen. Well not time for the featured presentation.


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Pokemon: Kanto Adventures
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-Table of Content-
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Chapter 1: The Town of Beginning Hues!
Chapter 2: The Green Paradise and the Pokemon League!
Chapter 3: The Beedrill Patrol!
Chapter 4: The Midnight Clefairy Duel!
Chapter 5: The Rock Hard Battle at Pewter City!
Chapter 6: The DNA Disaster!
Chapter 7: Graveler's Missing! A Cyber Getaway!
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--Chapter 1: The Town of Beginning Hues!--




The full moon hung in the midnight sky without even the smallest cloud to block out the ghostly light it cast on the world below. The glow of the street lights was nothing when compared to the endless supply of light from the moon and stars. Evan Hideaki , seemed to be walking directly underneath it, his head tilted skyward so that he might catch a glimpse of the majesty that was a starlit night. His hands were in his jeans pockets, and his jet-black hair was blowing slightly in the cool breeze picking up. Peace and quiet…something that Evan Seraph could only obtain in the dead of night in his hometown. Something he only enjoyed while walking home late after a long day.

'Heh…soon I’ll be able to bust outta this suburb and actually do something productive with myself. ‘Evan’s own voice echoed through his mind.

'But I’ve gotta admit…I’m going to miss this place. Everyone I care about is here. But there’s no way I could turn down an opportunity like this one. I’ll finally get to live the dream and become a Pokemon Trainer. '

Evan continued through the streets of Pallet Town, ignoring the cold air surrounding his body. He turned a corner slowly, walking down a street which was all too familiar to him. One of his good friends lived on that street. He could still remember ever-so-clearly walking through that same town, however he remembered it as it was during the daytime hours, discussing the all too complex subject of Pokemon with his friends, as well as what they would do if one of them were to obtain a Pokemon and go off on a journey. They had all agreed that Evan would be the first to get one, even though he himself would never admit to it. Out of them, it was becoming increasingly clear that he had the most natural talent when it came to thinking up strategies in the midst of a battle. They would always joke about how he’d go on to bigger and better things in the world of Pokemon Training, and they’d be left in his dust.

'…And now I’m gonna give all of that up; my friends and family…everything I‘ve achieved here in Pallet Town. Basically, I‘m gonna be leaving my whole life behind to go on this journey.' He thought calmly, slowly walking past his friend’s house without so much as looking back at it.

He turned yet another corner, this time walking onto the street which he called home. He stopped, looking to the end of the street. There sat his own house, with all of the lights turned off, signifying that everyone residing within the house was asleep. Reaching into his pocket, Evan pulled out his silver house key, grasping it tightly in the palm of his right hand. Continuing his walk home, the entire town still doused in golden moonlight, Evan made his way down the sidewalk leading to his residence. Upon reaching the front door, Evan took one last look back at his hometown, an almost serene look in his eyes.

“But it’ll be worth it.” He whispered to himself before inserting his house key, smirking as he unlocked his front door, and walked inside the house…

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The golden sun shone brightly on the serene picture of beauty known as Pallet Town. There wasn't a single cloud to block the magnificent rays of sunlight it cast upon the citizens. The crystal blue sky hung above the town, giving aspiring young trainers something to look up to for confidence and strength. The cries of wild Pokemon filled the fresh air, ringing through the ears of Pallet Town's inhabitants. Such qualities made this the perfect day for young Pokemon Trainers to start their journey through the Kanto Region.

One such trainer was a teenage male by the name of Evan Hideaki. The eleven-year-old is sleeping on his bed.

"Evan honey time for breakfast!"

Evan, still half asleep, groaned and stretched. He accidentally fell out of bed and crashed into the floor covers and all. He stood up and rubbed his eyes due to the immense sunshine seeping in through his window by his bedside. He stood up with wobbly knees and looked around his room, searching for clothes to wear on his journey through Kanto. He picked up an old pair of jeans that were partially ripped up. He put them on along with a belt that was already partially around it. He put on the new, white socks his mother bought him the day before. He crawled over to his closet and struggled to put on his red and black sneakers. They had small spikes at the bottoms which were good for running and stopping in the dirt. The sewing patterns on his sneakers matched waves crashing into the shore. He pulled a black shirt over his head making his hair ruffle and make it messier than usual. He slipped on a thin, crimson jacket on with black sleeves, and black finger-less gloves on with small pokeball signs in printed on them.

He then hurried down his home steps with shaky steps. He reached the kitchen to find his mother cooking up some stew. Her extremely long brown hair being pulled back by a yellow band. She wore a pink apron with a small green heart on it. She would always be cooking, or cleaning.

“Honey do you know that pokemon institution down the road?”

“You mean the one that’s owned by the pokemon professor, Prof. Oak?”

“Yes, it seems, Prof. Oak, is looking for you. But, before you go you have to eat your breakfast.”

Evan hated his mother when she makes him do things he doesn't want to do. He munched on his eggs and toast. He chugged his orange juice and put his plates in the sink.

“Here is your bag son. I put the poke balls and clothes you asked me to put in there. But I must insist you get a backpack.”

Evan had a brown and blue sack that goes over one shoulder. It was big enough for him, but then again mostly everything is. He was a simple lad, without a single care in the world. Evan grabbed the bag from his mothers hand, kissed her goodbye and opened the wooden door. He turned the knob and opened the door, letting in the cold and crisp morning air. He stepped out into the dirt roads connecting from home to home, until reaching the Institute near the south.

He started walking down to the research institute, exitement filling his body. He heard the Professor has created an electronic encyclopedia for Pokemon. He would be giving it to the three trainers heading off that same day. Evan being one of the three.

Will reaches the large white building and saw the sliding doors. Evan walked in the sliding doors, a young girl of about the same age as Evan is appears behind him.

"Hya! My name's Lola! What's yours?" The girl had long, blonde hair under a blue hat. She had a sleeveless pink top on with a denim skirt on. The girl had a large amount of energy.

"Uhh, my name's Evan I'm leaving on a journey today with the pokemon Prof. Oak's gonna give me." He answered being slightly frightened by her energy.

"Me too, hey I wonder where that Prof. Oak is?" She said looking around the lab. They did find a small table with three small red and white spheres, in a capsule fashion with labels on them. One says Charmander, another says Squirtle, and the final one at the end of the table says Bulbasaur. Evan walks up to one of the small pokemon and picks it up. A small red lizard with a giant tail is merrily sleeping. The other two capsules had a small green bulb... Thing and a small blue turtle also sleeping in their respective pokeballs.

"Those are Pokeballs.You must know what they are by now Evan, Lola." A raspy voice was heard. Soon the figure of a man with slight wrinkles on his face appeared. He had a white lab coat and graying hair. Evan walks up to the one Poke ball with Charmander on it and picks it up, tells Oak,

"I'll take Charmander".

Oak walks up to him, and hands him 5 empty Poke balls and a Pokedex.

"Use the empty Pokeballs to catch Wild Pokemon, and use the Pokedex to find information about them. There are 150 pokemon known to man in Kanto. You might be able to find some rare Pokemon in those areas."

Now, its Lola's turn to choose. She remembers that special about starting pokemon, and it said Bulbasaur was a good starter to start off with. It had a nice combo of both grass and poison.

"I'll choose Bulbasaur."

Oak hands her the Pokeballs, and the Pokedex. She puts the Dex into her yellow bag and the balls onto her belt. A final Ball remains on the table. Just sitting there, with the Squirtle sleeping away its wait. The two eager beginning trainers left after saying their goodbyes. Just as they walk out, a boy with spiky, blonde hair appears. His blue eyes gazing into Evan's with a look of disgust. He wore a red shirt on with blue jeans and white shoes.

"Pity Oak is wasting those precious Poke-Dexs on pitiful trainers like you two." He sneered as he entered the lab. He was Zack, the self-proclaimed cool one of Pallet. Zack received Squirtle, 5 Pokeballs and a Pokedex.

"Hey, since you’re so cool, why don't me and Lola challenge you. Or are you afraid?" Evan said.

"Fine, but My friend will join me." Zack replied. A shadowy figure with spiky black hair appeared. He had brown eyes like most people, along with a white shirt, jeans, and black shoes.

"My name is Mikey, Go Pikachu!" Out came Pikachu, electricity coming out of its cheeks.

"Go Squirtle!"

"Go Charmander, Go Bulbasaur!" Out come the three new Pokemon. Squirtle pops out of its shell, Charmander is scratching the dirt, and Bulbasaur is kicking his hind legs. They are ready to battle.


Oak comes out and decides to ref the battle.

"This will be a 2vs2 Pokemon battle. First team to KO the other's Pokemon, wins!"

"Squirtle, jump of that rock and Tackle Charmander."

Squirtle jumps off a rock next to Oak's Laboratory and nails Charmander with a hard Tackle. At that moment, Pikachu unleashes a Thundershock aimed at Charmander.

"Bulbasaur, take that T-Shock, and give Pikachu a Growl"

Bulbasaur leaps into the air, and received the Thundershock. Little damage becomes of it, due to its Grass-Type nature. Bulbasaur unleashes a Growl, and makes Pikachu scared and runs behind Squirtle. Squirtle sees this, and unleashes a scary face onto Charmander, and Charmander freezes.

"Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf on the Squirtle."

"Squirtle, deflect it with a Water Gun"

"Charmander Use an Ember on Pikachu."

The Charmander tries to escape from the scared state and succeeds.Squirtle protects Pikachu by using water gun, the combined attacks form a steam cloud. Charmander, Squirtle, and Pikachu can't see, but Bulbasaur is out of the cloud. He grabs Pikachu with a Vine Whip, and launches it at a rock to knock it unconscious.

“Pikachu is unable to battle!"

"That was good battle Pikachu. Return. Looks like I'm out Zack."

"Squirtle Scary Face on Charmander."

"Charmander, umm use an Ember! Try an Ember!"

"Squirtle, use Withdraw, then use a Water Gun and try to bounce off that rock and hit Bulbasaur."

"Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip onto Pikachu and send it flying."

Squirtle uses scary face and scares Charmander all over, and then Withdraws. It then uses Water Gun as a jet to send it flying into the rock. With its hard shell, it rebounds off to it and is heading to Bulbasaur. Charmander can't do anything as it still is frozen scared.

Zack is all happy that it's gonna faint two pokemon. Charmander is frozen there, but where'd Bulbasaur go? Squirtle stops its jet and looks for Bulbasaur.It jumps from behind Squirtle, picks it up with Vine Whip and tosses it up into the air. Charmander recovers finally,

"Charmander, finish this with an Ember into the air."

As Squirtle is falling to the ground, Charmander wildly fires multiple Embers at it. It gets hit, and lands onto the ground, unconscious.

"Pikachu is unable to battle, Bulbasaur and Charmander win!"

"No fair, 2 vs. 1. Return Squirtle," cried Zack.

"It's not my fault you suck at this! That was an awesome battle, you did well," Evan said congratulating his Pokemon.

"This is not over, you will see. Me and Mikey will beat your asses the next time we meet, don’t forget that babies!" laughed Zack.

"You know you three, that was a pretty good battle, considering those pokemon are baby pokemon." Oak said. The three beginning trainers were shocked! They all separated at a crossroad and each headed into Route 1...
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Evan stood at the outskirts of Pallet Town, standing silently alongside his first Pokemon; a newly hatched Fire-type Pokemon known as Charmander. The two just stayed in that one spot, standing in ankle high grass wafting gently in the breeze. A strong yet emotional look filled Evan’s light amber eyes, while Charmander was a bit clueless as to why they weren’t continuing their journey. The fire Pokemon looked up at his new trainer, a perplexed expression occupying his orange face.

To the average human, it would have been somewhat clear what Evan Hideaki was doing; he was taking one last look at his hometown before moving on to bigger and better things just as his friends had predicted he would one day do. Though Charmander, who had only experienced life itself for but a few hours, wasn’t aware of the things one usually goes through upon leaving one’s place of residence. So, he continued to stare at his trainer in a wide-eyes fashion, tilting his little lizard-like head to the side ever-so-slightly to see him from a different perspective. Finally, Evan realized that his starter was looking up at him, and snapped out of his state of absent-mindedness.

“Oh, sorry, Popo. I guess I just got a little distracted there. C’mon, my friend, we’ve got a long walk ahead of us.” Evan said kindly, looking down at his Pokemon with a care-free expression on his face.

The Charmander gave a swift nod of acknowledgement, and the two were on their way once more; yet again trekking through the grass-covered route just beyond Pallet Town’s outskirts. It wasn’t long, however, before Evan realized that the small orange infant he’d become accustomed to seeing in the corner of his eye was no longer walking beside him. Casually, he stopped in his tracks and looked down towards where Popo had once been: seeing, as he’d expected, nothing but the flora native to his surrounding area. He looked behind himself, his eyes following the path he had taken from Pallet Town to his current location. As he did so, he caught sight of his starter stumbling down the path awkwardly- his tiny legs incapable of moving fast enough to keep up with Evan. The boy drew in a deep breath, letting it out in the form of a sigh. Simultaneously he placed his hand on his forehead and smiled amusedly.

"You doing alright, buddy?" Evan asked, raising his voice just loud enough for Popo to hear. “I could always call you back into your Pokeball if you haven’t exactly mastered the art of walking yet.”

“Char!” Popo replied, attempting to show his determination by continuing his ‘journey’ to where Evan was standing rather than taking the easy way out.

“Heh…ya gotta love his determination…” Evan said under his breath, chuckling.

Finally, after a minute or two of waiting, Evan was reunited with his starter as he finally caught up to him. Upon reaching his trainer, the Charmander opened up his jaw and let out a cry of joy. Evan looked down at him with a smile. It was quite amusing; in his opinion at least, to watch his struggle to complete even the smallest task, then go completely ecstatic upon doing so. Still, as happy as Evan was to have received Charmander as a starter, he knew very well that he would still require some training before he would be capable of battling a Gym Leader.

'It’s gonna be a long journey… ‘Evan thought. '…I just hope that Popo will be okay in his first battle… '

"Hmm, so you know these moves. And you need that much experience to advance a level?!" Evan said absorbed in checking his Pokedex.

"Popo, it looks like it's time to find out what you're made of, buddy." Evan called out to his newly-hatched Pokemon, his amber eyes focused intently on the small Pokemon pecking at the dirt perpetually before them.

"Charmander!" Popo merely responded by yelling out his own name and walking over to his trainer's side; albeit awkwardly, but at the very least she was now able to get herself from Point A to Point B without stumbling or tripping over her own two feet.

The duo stood side-by-side, both ready for the battle at hand. However, while Evan's eyes reflected that he was taking the situation seriously, Popo still had that same innocent smile he had worn since birth. To him, it seemed, this battle was just a game, as the last one. Evan wished that he, too, could have that mindset...one that didn't know the meaning of hatred. Popo was about to fight and, hopefully, defeat this Pidgey, and yet he still showed no signs of disliking it. It wasn't something Evan intended to harp on, just something he'd noticed.

'Oh well... ‘Evan thought, smirking out of shear anticipation. 'I can't say that hatred doesn't have its strengths...There aren't many, but it does keep me on my guard. I guess we couldn't live without some degree of dislike, but whatever. Nevertheless...I have a battle to fight. And I intend to win... ‘ “Charmander, Scratch!”

Popo ran toward his opponent as fast as his newly-developed legs could take him. Though Pidgey attempted to avoid the attack, it too was apparently young, and thusly didn’t have enough speed backing up its movements. Charmander swung his claw back, and then immediately thrust it forward. Charmander was able to get enough momentum that he was actually able to knock Pidgey off the ground and into the air. The tiny bird pokemon rose into the air actually floating a bit by the breeze that came in ever since Evan left Pallet Town.

It landed on the ground once more, looking severely weakened by the attack, though it wasn’t ready to give in yet. As soon as its tiny, almost nonexistent feet hit the soil, Pidgey began bouncing up and down in a seemingly perpetual motion. Evan merely raised one eyebrow at Pidgey’s strange reaction to getting attacked. Pidgeys should usually fly or hover even, but never hop. It wasn’t long before he realized what exactly Pidgey was doing.

“Popo…I think that…this is how Pidgey is attacking us…” He said, scratching the back of his head out of confusion. "Popo, use Scratch again!” Evan commanded, pointing toward the still rather docile-looking Pidgey.

Popo nodded swiftly, signifying that the order had been received and understood, and ran toward Pidgey again, doing exactly as she had done the first time around. This time, however, Pidgey knocked up sand as Popo was about to strike the bird; both human and pokemon covered their eyes. The Pidgey was holding back, it flew into the air and swooped down with its beak pointed forward.

"Popo as it comes down, hop on its back and use Ember!" Popo nodded as Evan secretly worrying. Was this too hard for Popo? The Charmander hopped onto Pidgey back and shot an Ember attack on its back. The Ember hit and sends it into the ground. Because of its current state, Pidgey was no longer to sit up due to the attacks.

“Great job, Charmander. Let's see this pokeball in action. Go Pokeball!” Evan remarked, throwing the sphere capsule at the bird.

The sphere bounced onto the birds back and opening. It sucked the pokemon inside and then closing. It wobbled back and forth until a ping sound was heard.

"D-Did I do it? Did I catch it? I did!" Evan said with excitement and pride. Evan picked up the ball with the resting Pidgey inside. He shot a thumbs up sign, as did Popo.

“Yeah…you were awesome, but we’ve still got a long ways to go. We’ll probably run into a LOT more Pokemon on our way to the next town.” Evan sighed. “Think you can handle it?”

“Char-Charmander!” Popo nodded, as if to say ‘of course.’

“Yeah I thought so.” Evan said calmly.

“C’mon, we’d better get going.” Evan said. Evan and Popo continued through the gently wafting grass on their way to the next big city, until without warning Evan stopped in his tracks. Popo, who hadn't expected Evan to cease movement so abruptly, continued walking for a few moments before she noticed that his trainer was no longer beside him. The Fire Pokemon came to a halt, turning around to face his trainer. He was currently standing on his guard, his light amber eyes shifting to get a good look at his surroundings. He didn't at all look worried, just intrigued by something. It wasn't long before Popo realized what was currently going on, as well; Evan had heard something, and thusly deduced that they were in the presence of another Wild Pokemon. However, it had taken Popo a little longer to realize this because his sense of hearing had yet to completely develop.

Their assumptions were correct. Mere seconds after the duo had stopped walking, an unknown airborne Pokemon swooped down and struck Popo with its beak! This caught him off guard, actually managing to knock him off him feet. Quickly he jumped back up, turning around to face his adversary. Evan also put his guard up.

“Spear!” The Pokemon’s voice rang through the air in a high pitched tone which sounded angered.

Evan quickly identified the noise as the cry of Spearow. He knew that particular species to be more aggressive than the majority of Pokemon he’d encounter on his way to the next city. Thusly, he’d hoped that Popo would have a bit more experience by the time they encountered one. However, it couldn’t be helped, and Evan wasn’t one to run away from a fight, nor was Popo. So they both stood their ground. Evan scanned his surroundings once more, catching sight of his opponent directly above him and Popo. When he sighted it, however, the Bird Pokemon was already in the process of swooping in for another Peck Attack.

“Popo, dive to the left!” Evan commanded. “Then follow it up with Scratch!”

Spearow flapped its small yet powerful wings, propelling it downward at a near-perfect forty-five degree angle. Just before it crashed into the ground it pulled up, speeding toward Popo with its beak pointed outward. Evan’s Pokemon dove to the side and avoided the worst of the damage, although Spearow’s beak still managed to cut a small gash in Popo’s arm. Crimson blood dripped from the wound, staining the soil below. Popo cringed in pain, clutching his arm tightly to lessen the pain even the slightest bit. This momentarily stunned Charmander, and he was unable to deliver his own counterstrike. Spearow, meanwhile, was currently turning around in mid-air, hoping to go in for a third attack.

'Hmm…I guess I’ll need to come up with another strategy.' Evan thought as Spearow dove down, flying toward Popo again. 'Wait! I’ve got it! But I’ll have to time it just right… '

Just like last time, Spearow pointed its beak out and prepared to attack Popo. Evan’s Pokemon just stood there, somewhat nervous. Blood was still falling from his injury one drop at a time, yet he was now able to ignore the somewhat minor pain searing through his arm. Though the situation was identical to the last time Popo was attacked, this time around Evan had a plan. He waited for just the right moment to give his order.

“Popo, use Scary Face!” Evan yelled.

Popo looked somewhat confused, as she had never used Scary Face before. Although, it was one of the attacks he's seen in action and has expierience it first hand. So, once it had completely registered what Evan had said, Popo understood what he had to do. The infant Pokemon’s eyes grew wider, and he opened his jaw as wide as she could, showing his many sharp teeth. This sudden alteration in Popo’s facial expression greatly surprised Spearow, slowing down its descent. Not significantly, but it was enough.

“Popo, dive to the side once more! And this time follow it up with a flamthrower!” Evan ordered.

Popo’s face returned to the innocent look Evan had become accustomed to, and he quickly leapt to the side, and this time he was fast enough to avoid Spearow’s Peck on account of the Bird Pokemon’s decreased speed. Popo’s aerial foe whizzed right past him, giving him the opportunity to hit it with a Flamethrower as Evan had instructed. Opening his jaw once more, Popo fired a narrow blast of flames from his mouth. This hit Spearow directly, knocking it right out of the sky. Although weakened, it wasn’t finished yet. The bird flapped its wings harder still, however now they were burnt from Popo's flamethrower. This meant they were now heavier, thus hindering Spearow.

“Now, finish it off with a Scratch attack!” Evan immediately followed up his previous order.

Popo dashed toward Spearow, who was now unable to move at sufficient speeds. He raised his claw into the air, trying to gain as much force as possible. Whenshe reached Spearow, who was flapping its wings madly in a desperate attempt to head skyward, Popo swiped the bird with his claw. The bird was knocked down to the ground, hitting the earth with a thud. Popo then delivered a finishing blow to Spearow, knocking it out cold.

“Great! Your reaction time got much better from your first battle.” Evan commented, giving Popo a quick thumbs-up. “Alright, let’s see…well, your injury isn’t that bad, but we should still cover it up so it doesn’t get infected or…something. Yeah.”

Evan took off his bag, peeking in it. After searching through his items and various other supplies, Evan pulled out some white bandages and knelt down to Popo’s level. He held his Pokemon’s small arm in his hand and wrapped up his injury. He released Popo’s arm, and the Fire Pokemon looked at the bandages for a moment, apparently intrigued by them. He reached over and tried to peel them off, just to see what they were made of. Tilting his head to the side, Popo raised one eyebrow at the mystery wrapped around his own arm. Evan merely sighed at this sight. However interested he may have been by Popo’s naivety, he couldn’t allow it to slow the two down. So, it wasn’t long before they were on their way yet again...

---FL787---
;004;
Hope this was good enough. I just have a question for you guys, should I make pokemon talk? I'm just wondering. Post any complaints, and grammar suggestions. Just remember I'm not good in school.

Evan Turner
25th July 2006, 6:42 AM
Hello.

This is a good idea, though an over used one. Personally, these type of fics are my favorites. The story line isn't that developed, so I cannot comment on that as of right now. But I see potential, especially if thie fic takes the twist it sounds like it is going to take on your banner. I did notice you seem to forget what had just happened, like in this part:


“Pikachu is unable to battle!"

"That was good battle Pikachu. Return. Looks like I'm out Zack."

"Squirtle Scary Face on Charmander."

"Charmander, umm use an Ember! Try an Ember!"

"Squirtle, use Withdraw, then use a Water Gun and try to bounce off that rock and hit Bulbasaur."

"Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip onto Pikachu and send it flying."

Squirtle uses scary face and scares Charmander all over, and then Withdraws. It then uses Water Gun as a jet to send it flying into the rock. With its hard shell, it rebounds off to it and is heading to Bulbasaur. Charmander can't do anything as it still is frozen scared.

Zack is all happy that it's gonna faint two pokemon. Charmander is frozen there, but where'd Bulbasaur go? Squirtle stops its jet and looks for Bulbasaur.It jumps from behind Squirtle, picks it up with Vine Whip and tosses it up into the air. Charmander recovers finally,

"Charmander, finish this with an Ember into the air."

As Squirtle is falling to the ground, Charmander wildly fires multiple Embers at it. It gets hit, and lands onto the ground, unconscious.

"Pikachu is unable to battle, Bulbasaur and Charmander win!"

You've seemed to make Pikachu faint twice.. And then here:


To the average human, it would have been somewhat clear what Evan Hideaki was doing; he was taking one last look at his hometown before moving on to bigger and better things just as his friends had predicted he would one day do. Though Charmander, who had only experienced life itself for but a few hours, wasn’t aware of the things one usually goes through upon leaving one’s place of residence. So, he continued to stare at his trainer in a wide-eyes fashion, tilting his little lizard-like head to the side ever-so-slightly to see him from a different perspective. Finally, Evan realized that his starter was looking up at him, and snapped out of his state of absent-mindedness.

"Charmander!" Popo merely responded by yelling out his own name and walking over to his trainer's side; albeit awkwardly, but at the very least she was now able to get herself from Point A to Point B without stumbling or tripping over her own two feet.
You seem to have Evan's Charmander's gender mixed up.. I suggest you make some sort of bio thing for each trainer and pokemon, just to be sure of what gender and so and so, something like this:


-Trainer Bios-
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Hometown:
History:
Pokemon:

And....

-Pokemon Bios-
Pokemon:
Nickname:
Gender:
Personality:
Attacks:

It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but it would help if you did. Also, another mistake here:


Will reaches the large white building and saw the sliding doors. Evan walked in the sliding doors, a young girl of about the same age as Evan is appears behind him.

You should also have a set timeline for your story. You put a present tense a past tense verb in one fic. You should always have a set tense, either present or past. Never both.

Also, the only trainer that actually has a real personality and description is Evan. This fic is an ok fic as of right now, but it is in need of a lot more work. Not to say it is bad, but it needs more work on it. Maybe you should PM the fic to someone before posting a new chapter. I wouldn't mind if you asked me. I would be glad to help. This fic is my type of fic. But, all the mistakes listed above is all I can think of. You may want to visit the Advice for Apiring Authors Thread. I'll post a link at the bottom. I hope you will follow my advice, I would hate for this fic to go to waste. Don't ever feel to embarassed to PM me to be your beta-reader for your fic if you want. Good luck, I hope to see more work from you.

G'day,

Evander


Link to Advice for Aspiring Authors Thread: http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19


P.S. I think you should make Pokemon talk. I always find the story more interesting when trainers can understand their Pokemon.

Fire_lover787
26th July 2006, 8:15 AM
Thanks I'll post the bios right now:

-Trainer Bios-
Name:Evan Hideaki
Age:12
Gender:Male
Hometown:Pallet Town
History:He lives with his mother after his father had run off to a distant land to the west. He never remembered his father since his father ran off in his early years.
Pokemon:Charmander(Popo), Pidgey

And....

-Pokemon Bios-
Pokemon:Charmander
Nickname:Popo
Gender:Male
Personality:He is usually bold, and tries new things. He's clumbsy at first, but in battle he steps it up a notch.
Attacks:Ember,Metal Claw, Scratch,Scary Face

Pokemon:Pidgey
Nickname: Rose
Gender:Female
Personality:She is rash, she thinks uses brute force will solve everything. Just like Evan ^_^
Attacks:Sand Attack, Gust, Scratch


Name:Lola Hitaru
Age:11
Gender:Female
Hometown:Pallet Town
History:Lola is pretty much a stranger in pallet. She moved there only a few days before everyone set off on their journeys. She had no friends until Evan came along.
Pokemon:Bulbasaur

Pokemon:Bulbasaur
Nickname: Violet
Gender:Female
Personality: She is pretty much bashful. She is timid and shy also. Unlike her trainer who's a big mouth.
Attacks:Razor Leaf, Growl, Vine Whip

Name: Zack Hiro
Age: 12
Gender:Male
Hometown: Pallet Town
History:Zack was once friends with his rival, Evan. But when Evan had beaten him on a test given by Prof. Oak he has hated him.
Pokemon:Squirtle

Pokemon:Squirtle
Nickname: Hydro
Gender:Male
Personality:He is really energetic and is hyper most of the time. He is quirky, and also very polite. Zack's teaching him his ways.
Attacks:Water Gun, Withdraw, Tackle, Scary Face

Name:Mikey Aiko
Age:12
Gender:Male
Hometown:Viridian City
History:He once lived in Pallet Town, then moved after his mother had been murdered in their quiet suburb. While he spent his first few weeks their he found his Pikachu and made his first friend.
Pokemon:Pikachu

Pokemon:Pikachu
Nickname:Pika
Gender:Female
Personality: She gained Mikey's personality. So she is very unpolite and freezes out other pokemon.
Attacks:Thunder Shock, Bite, Growl

Hope that covers it, if it doesn't then I'll edit it later. And thanks for the adive, I'm not good with the tenses stuff though. And I'm stuck on a female because in my last fic my guy's Mime Jr. was a girl. Well thanks alot again for reading! ^_^

Evan Turner
26th July 2006, 8:34 AM
Hello again.

No problem. But just be sure that you explain all those things in your fic. Explanation: Don't just think that everyone wil read the bios and say, "Oh, ok. That's good." And then they'll just suddenly see it come up in the fic. And another thing, you might have wanted to put spoiler tags on those. They gave a bit more info than what was in the first chapter. But yah, just make sure you explain all those things in the bios in your fic. Like when did Evan name his Pidgey Rose? That should be explained as well. I noticed that you seem to have just given Charmander the name wihtout an explanation. And when did the other trainers catch their Pokemon? You might want toexplain those, but if not, then maybe you should've wated till after Chapter 2 to post those. Anyways, just more contructive critisism from me. Hehe. Anyways, good luck with Chapter 2!


G'day.
Evander

Fire_lover787
26th July 2006, 6:32 PM
Thank you, I know I was going to. But then I thought I should just reveal it. I'll give an explanation about all that in Chapter 2. How's that sound

Fire_lover787
26th July 2006, 8:48 PM
Sorry to double post but I need too. I'll write the next chappie right now, cause.... well I want too! This one isn't as long as it should be but..... WHO CARES! Well probably you guys do but let's just continue.


So...now its.....

CHAPPIE TIME!



--Chapter 2:The Green Paradise and the Pokemon League!--




The golden sun is rising over the housetops and into the sky. The sun is created a hue of both blue and orange in the sky. It is a magical things, Pidgeys are soaring in the sky. The sun brightens up the dark alleys, revealing Meowth scoundering for food. Growlithes merrily play with their owners. The sun rays also seeped through the glass windows of the local Poke-Center too. It shined into the marble floor. Everything is merryily going well. Trainers are happily grooming their pokemon, Nurse Joy is healing Pokemon and inside the guest wing of the Poke-Center Evan is sleeping. Drool trailing down his cheek making way for the pillow.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S NOT HERE!" Evan darted upward at the sound of the screech.He saw the same girl from Pallet stomp her way through the red carpeted floor. Her blue socks didn't quiet support the sound for her exit. Evan quickly put on some shoes and his clothes. Stumbling most of the way he made it to the main lobby.

"WHERE'S MY VIOLET! I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME MY VIOLET NOW DAMMIT!" Lola threw her fist onto the desk braking it in half.She was pretty strong for her height. But really it was just a really crappy desk.

"I'm sorry Miss Lola, but we cannot find your Violet." Nurse Joy said. Lola melted to the floor in a hopeless manor. Evan sweatdropped,

"Hey Lola it's okay, we'll find her. I'll help!" Evan said pointed at himself with a heroic smile.

"Oh Evan! IT's so nice to see you!" She said jumping onto him giving him a great big bear hug. Evan blushed then hungged her back.

"Yeah, I got my pokemon back yesterday. And look it's my little Pidgey, Rose!" Evan said releasing the small bird pokemon into the warm air of the center.

"Kerukoo!" It yelled.

"Oh it's so pretty and cute!" Lola squeezed the life out of Rose.

<Tell her to get off me please!> Rose pleaded. Evan sweatdropped and calmed down Lola.

"Well I still want my Violet back!" She said moving her fist in a circular motion towards Joy.

"Violet?" Evan said tilting his head.

"Yeah my Bulbasaur, I named her after our battle. After which we walked through a meadow of purple flowers. And that's when I named her, I don't know how it came to me. I'm such a genious!" Lola said. Evan facefaulted then darted upright.

"How about your Charmander?" Lola asked.

"Well after the battle I took one last look at Pallet. And that's when it came to me. I remembered something from when I was a kid."

----------------

A five-year old Evan Hideaki is playing in the river nearby his house. He was splashing water everywhere when his mother came out.

"Hello sun here's some ice-cream!" She said as she placed two bowls on the ground. One was for her, each had a small red, plastic spoon. Evan kept playing in the water when he fell in! His mother tried to help him.

"Mommy! Help me!" Evan pleaded trying to stay surfaced to the ground. It was no used him fell in, but when he was inside he heard something.
<PIpoo! Popii!! POPOOOO!!> A small glowing creature. With what seemed to be a bubble surounding it pushed Evan up to the surface.

"Oh Evan what happened down there!" His mother yelled.

"How did you do that!?" She yelled again.

"I don't know."

'Popo' That name kept running through his mind.
-----------------

"So I named it Popo, after that creature that I think was a pokemon saved me. Well atleast after what he said." Evan explained.
Suddenly a pair of big mean in black appeared.They had a black shirt, black pants, even black boots and gloves.... and hats! Either they were real Emos, or they were up to something. They were looking around the place. They walked up to the broken front desk.

"Give us our Primapes Joy!" They both said with deep voices. They then walked outside with not only their Primapes but a whole bag of pokeballs.

"Hey those guys look suspicous." Evan said.

"Let's follow them." He said again.

"Yeah, we're in Mission Impossible!" Lola said.


"No I didn't really like it." Evan said.

"WHy not it was cool!"

"Well really I realized that it was all talk and no action."

"Wait! Aren't we gonna chase those guys!" Lola said. Evan nodded and they started following them. Suddenly two oh so familiar figures appeared. A boy with spiky, blonde hair and a boy with spiky, black hair appeared. Zack, and Mikey, Zack's baggy red shirt really bothered Evan. Was he too pour to afford clothes his size. Zack's Jeans were pretty much good with Evan, his brown boots bothered Evan too. Evan really hated Zack, or atleast it seems so. Zack released his Squirtle as Mikey released his Pikachu.

"Hydro! Water Gun!"

"Pika, THunder Shock!" The mixed attack shocked the men, but they were still standing.

"Primapes, get ridda these twirps." The man pointed his finger at the boys. The Primaepes nodded dodging the attacks from Hydro and Pika. THey knocked their pokemon out, and grabbed the boys by their feet and they kept on walking to what appeared to be a cliffside.

"Oh no! They cought Zack and Mikey!" Lola said. Evan quitely, but happily celebrated.

"I'm sorry, let's go!" They followed them all the way to a deserted waste-land. It was full of dirt and dead trees. The kept on walking until they found the men with machines all over the place. It seems they were listening to something. The building next to the cliff side had a giant dome in the back and a large walk-way leading to it.

Evan sarted running towards the men when a figure appeared in front of him. It was Zack, but it wasn't the regular Zack. The figure before him had wide, glowing red eyes. And a wicked smile that can rot off a human's flesh and bones. Mikey appeared with the same eyes from behind Lola and took her to the side. He restrained her from helping Evan out.

"Come on Evan Boy! What are you, afraid! Go Hydro, Speary!" A blue squirtle appeared with the same wicked smile and eyes, the same went for his Spearow.

"Water Gun, Gust!" Zack commanded.

"Popo, Rose! Ember, Peck!"

Evan's Charmander leaped over the worst damage coming from the Water Gun but still suffured minor injuries due to the water gun propelling it backwards by his leg. Charmander stood up and released spheres of burning gas which hit the Spearow directly. Squirtle launched another Water Gun!

"Rose blow it back with a powerful Gust!" The bird flew directly in front of the lizard and flapped its tiny wings with all its might. She was pretty powerful for her size. The jet-propelled liquid flew in all directions on Zack's side. The water was ricocheing all over the place due to the cliff. It struck Spearow on its left wing. It was broken,

"Speary use agility followed by a Gust!" The Spearow stood up and suddenly dissapeared and reappeared behind Charmander. Charmander saw this and launched a Metal Claw. It rose its tiny little claws which suddenly grew and turned into the silver color. It struck Spearow on the wing again and was fainted.

"Yeah show him who's boss Ev-" Lola's mouth was now shut thanks to Mikey.

"Grrrr! Return Speary, Hydro use Withdraw!" The Squirtle popped its small body into its shell.

"Ember, Gust!" The attacks hit head on but did little damage. Hydro popped out again.

"Another Withdraw!"

"Ember, Gust!" THis continued on for about two minutes when Evan stopped it.


"Zack! Stop this your hurting Hydro!" Evan yelled.

"..."

"Fine don't answer me!"

"Destroy me.."

"What?" Evan said in shock.

"DESTROY ME!!!!"

"I'M A MONSTER! DO IT QUICKLY EVAN! IT'S MY ONLY HOPE OF SURVIVING THIS THING!"

"But if i de-"

"JUst do it!"

"No I won't, you may be my rival! You may be an *** sometimes too. But your still my friend in a wierd cosmic way!"

"if you don't do it, then I will." He whispered.

"HYDRO SKULLBASH!!!!" The Squirtle with couldn't refuse. He was its trainer, but he also could refuse.

<I won't do it! Your more than my master! Your also my very best friend Zack!> The Squirtle screeched.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!"

" You an idiot Zack, but if you want it that way! Popo Full Metal Claw at that cliff!" Evan said.

"Good bye Zack!" Evan yelled. A large proportion of the cliff was broken off due to the immense power of the Metal Claw, and because its a really old cliff.

The stone flew directly above Zack and fell on him. Before it landed on him he waved bye one last time. Hydro quickly gabbed Speary and ran away.

<ZACK!!! No!"> Hydro yelled. He went over to Evan and started hitting him.. softly still crying.

"It's alright Hydro! We'll see him some day, I promise." Mikey suddenly collapsed and from the giant boulder a large screech was heard. A yell so powerful it should've broken the whole cliff.

But it didn't. Because that yell was from a spirit. A foggy figure appeared with a large tail and waht seemed to be two antennas from his head. Its three-fingerd hands pointing upwards. That figure was the same one Evan saw before he arrived to Viridian.

-------------------

Evan and his pokemon are walking on the route. With Pidgey flying around, it's healed alittle bit thanks to the time in its pokeballs. It kept flying over to nothing but Roses.

"You like Roses, so I'll name you Rose."

The Pidgey was happy with its new name, and flew over to Evan. Evan saw, at the corner of his eye, a tall figure. With glowing red eyes. Evan saw it transform into the devil, he could see.... it would bring destruction. It suddenly vanished into thin air and Popo tugged on Evan's jeans.

Evan just reached the city and spotted the two-story Pokemon center.

<That center must have enough space inside to hold four hundred people.> Popo said in awe.

"Yeah it's pretty big, but I doubt it can hold a hundred people. More like three hundred!" They all laughed as they headed to the city.
---------------------

The monster pointed at the sky in which a golden gate's image appeared in the clouds. It slowly opened its doors.

"the gates to heaven." Lola whispered. They opened completely as the same small creature that saved him when he was young appeared. It flew right next to the hovering monster. The monster pointed downward and the image of flames and other hideous creatures appeared. Evan ran backwards as the image was directly below him.

<We are unable to collect this boys soul, it is to balanced. His sould is just in the middle of our worlds. The smallest nudge to one side can destroy him for good. But we will not rescue him, he will excape by himself. I could be today, or not even for years. We will go back to our worlds now, but we will never stop our meanings...> And with that they dissapeared.

"Wow." Evan said. After they all gathered their thoughts and the fact that Mikey is now somewhere in the north and that Zack, is well, you know... under a giant rock. Suddenly the deserted wasteland got back its beauty, glimmering streams, beautiful flowers and trees. And many pokemon arive. Including Violet!

"Violet!" Lola scramed as she grabbed her. She felt somethin on Violet's back.

"Well hello how are you doing." It was a Bellsprout.

"Hello little pokemon, wanna come along?" Lola extended her arm, the Bellsprout climbed on her shoulder.

"Your gonna be Belle!" She said. The big men in the back dissapeared along with the sack of pokeballs. All the pokemon were probably released. They all walked to where the men were standing, their was a walk way leading to a small house. They reached the gates when a man said,

"I'm sorry, only experienced trainers with 8 badges can enter!" They facefaulted.

"All that trouble only to be shut down by the man!" Lola said. Mikey got up and ran off to the north. Evan along with Lola and Zack's pokemon are now walking to the north.

I am 11 years old, pretty much still a kid compared to the other guys on this journey. I'm a cheery and bright person. I'm very smart for my age, and passionate. I like to joke around, but I'm serious in battles. I am 4'7 and I am wearing long, blonde hair covered by a small blue hat, white and blue shoes, denim skirt, pink top, and a Rockstar belt which holds my Pokeballs. Then there is Evan. He is 12 years old, 5'2. He is an outgoing kind of a guy who made you laugh. He loves Pokemon.And he's cute, umm... forget I said that. Long Black hair, black gloves, and Blue jeans. He has a black shirt with a red jacket over it.Next is Zack, he is 13 years old, and 5'4. He has brown eyes with spiky, blonde hair, baggy red shirt,and blue jeans. He is always angered and arrogant, but deep down, he is a nice guy. And his little friend Mikey, He is 5'4 and has spiky black hair, white shoes, jeans, white shirt, and a brown belt which holds his Pokeballs.Mikey has his trusty and loyal Pika, Evan,Zack and I have our starters which we received from Oak. I have my brave Squirtle, Evan has his mighty Charmander, and Zack has his loyal Squirtle. We keep on walking when....

Hydro and suddenly runs up to a figure with spiky hair.

"Zack! Your alive, but how'd you do it?" Evan said.

"I dunno, I just saw this light then I was outside the boulder. Well I'll smell you guys later, I've got a Mikey to catch!" He ran off,

"Yeah me too, see you Evan!" Evan is left alone with Popo and Rose.

"Well guys we better get going. Look I can see the first gym!" He pointed. Evan ran over to the gym and banged on the door. No anwer. He opened the door. It was open. He stepped inside, it was empty. Popo and Rose were looking around as well. Suddenly a Rhydon, Machamp, and a Nidoking appeared and chased Evan. He then withrew his pokemon and was grabbed by the Machamp. It threw him out the window, he hit his head.

"Man, I got thrown out of something again! Oh, well llet's just keep going to the next gym." Evan happily walked across the grass plains with his pokemon sleeping in their pokeballs...

Chaos Rush
26th July 2006, 11:42 PM
Let's see...your 3rd try at a fic...

First you did this:

_____________________________
______________________
____________
Title OF Story (Whatever...)
____________
______________________
______________________________

Then you did this (A Copy, straight from xXSaberXx...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who Cares About the Title!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now you chose
**************
******************
***********
Don't Care
**********
**************
*****************

You should really stop...

Also, how could the pkmn learn strong moves so early? I mean Squirtle using Skull Bash...
Also, its not Head Bash, its Skull Bash...

You are basically trying to copy xXSaberXx AGAIN...

TheTurquoiseTauros!
26th July 2006, 11:48 PM
God this is stupid! You just made it JUST like all the other "rival gets better pokemon and I win all the time" plot! Give it up! Stop copying off of others......especialy Saber!

Edit: Run before Yami comes! no offence to her.

Fire_lover787
26th July 2006, 11:51 PM
3rd? And I should've mentioned that, in this fic pokemon will learn moves like that early, I've never been on this forum!

EDIT: Who's Yami

Chaos Rush
27th July 2006, 12:23 AM
Dear Danisuke_San/xXZeroXx/Fire_lover787,
YOU MADE ANOTHER ACCOUNT!!!!
Tripple accounts are not allowed!!!!
Now, I'm really gonna have to tell Zephyr Flare...

Fire_lover787
27th July 2006, 12:25 AM
I'm not Danisuke_San, or that zero guy!

Chaos Rush
27th July 2006, 12:29 AM
I'm not Danisuke_San, or that zero guy!
Oh, so now you are copying xXSaberXx AND Danisuke_San AND xXZeroXx?

TheTurquoiseTauros!
27th July 2006, 12:31 AM
^Its the same fanfic all of them made!! Or should I say all of you have made!

Chaos Rush
27th July 2006, 12:32 AM
I have already PMed Zephyr Flare....
Stop this now!

Fire_lover787
27th July 2006, 12:34 AM
Stop what!?

Chaos Rush
27th July 2006, 12:36 AM
Your 3rd copied story should be stopped NOW!

Fire_lover787
27th July 2006, 12:36 AM
What do you mean COPIED, or 3RD!?

Chaos Rush
27th July 2006, 12:38 AM
Look, you can't get away with this okay?
As soon as Zephyr Flare checks her inbox...

Zephyr Flare
27th July 2006, 12:41 AM
Ha this is a laugh. Even as you "claim" this to not be an extra accont you are still using the exact same material as the previous two accounts. Do you really believe nobody will notice? And that was a rip of another member's fic in the first place.

Either way, be i stealing or account duplication, I now offer a ban. If you're gonna go on how you didn;t deserve it you should have thought of that before account triplicating/ripping an exact copy or barely modfied copy of another person's fic. Word does spread fast.

One word: Klaspodie.


Sandra