View Full Version : My Fictional Biography

27th July 2006, 2:22 AM
It has a mix of Poke'mon and Star Wars together... Enjoy!!! (Rated PG to PG-13 for Peril, Language and Intense Violence)

My Fictional Biography Chapter 1: The Beginning

By Cipher_Admin

Long ago in the year 1992 on a planet named Earth, there was a brown-haired boy named Chris who was born at that time. He dreamed about becoming a Jedi and a Poke’mon master at the same time. When he was three, he wished he would become a Jedi Knight. One fateful morning, a Jedi Master named Krill Mancala came to his door and asked if he can see how good Chris can be to become a Jedi. He knew that Chris was a mute because this was the time before he talked.
In the year 2007, a girl in a pink blouse came up and told Chris who she was. Her name was Anna Paquin, she was a famous actress whom Chris is fascinated by. This was the time he was a Padawan to a Jedi master named, Jango Nunez. Chris and Anna went in the living room watching Family Guy. Chris knew that his path is just beginning while he was laughing at the language the characters were saying. Anna looked a little suspicious.
She asked, “Chris, How come you can’t talk at all.”
Chris didn’t respond to what she asked. Somewhere on a planet, a notorious Sith lord was killing a Jedi on the planet, Horus.
The man in the black asked, “Where’s the chosen one?”
The Jedi said, “I won’t tell you, Darth Raviel!!!”
Darth Raviel chopped the Jedi’s head off with a single slash of his Lightsaber. After that, the Jedi Knight was killed. Darth Raviel sent Darth Eclipse to find the chosen one and kill him.
Darth Eclipse asked, “Why do I have to find and kill him?
Darth Raviel replied, “You have to because it is our job or I will get Darth Uria to kill you for failing my instructions.”
Back on Earth, Chris and Anna battled each other’s Poke’mon at midnight. Chris won the battle with his Weavile using Shadow Claw. Anna returned her Bonsly back into her Poke’ball.
Anna said, “Gee, it is getting awfully dark here.”
Chris nodded to her to show that he agreed with her. They went back inside and had some soda to drink. They played video games until morning. Darth Eclipse was spying on Chris while he was sleeping. He used a scanner to see if it matched Darth Raviel’s description. His scanner’s batteries were dead and placed in some new batteries.
He said, “Lord Raviel, I think I found him. Should I try to kill him?”
Darth Raviel replied, ”Wait until he wants a challenge.”
Darth Eclipse said, “I will wait my lord.”
After the conversation was over, He flew back to Horus and told Darth Raviel that Chris is the chosen one. On Earth, Chris was watching TV with his friend Anna. A commercial that made Chris interested. It was a sweepstakes to win a huge starship. He dreamed of flying one. He called the number and entered the sweepstakes and won the ship. Chris felt delighted that he won the ship because he was a really lucky person.
Anna asked, “Where’s the ship? It has to be somewhere…”
A ship that was painted gold landed on the field that Chris took a shortcut to school with. It had two engines and a huge hull to go into hyperspace. The door opened and a small, talking gray dog was walking out of the ship and greeted the two kids.
The dog said, “Hello, my name is Poochie.”
Anna said, “Hello, my name is Anna and this is Chris.”
Chris gave a friendly wave to the dog and chuckled about his name for five seconds. Poochie was angry because his name was being laughed at.
Poochie asked angrily, “Do you think my name is funny or do I look like a Poochyena to you?!”
Anna said, “I am sorry about that, but Chris can’t control his laughter after watching certain shows on TV…”
He replied, “Oh, I see his problem. Wait, isn’t he the Chosen one!?”
She asked, “What do you mean?”
Poochie answered, “There is a prophecy that says he has to bring peace to the Jedi Order and destroy the Sith, the Jedi Council will need to see if he is ready to take on the ultimate threat.”
She said, “Oh, I think I get it now. How long is the ship going to stay here?”
He replied, “Until you two change your mind on going somewhere.”
After he finished what he said, the two kids changed into their new outfits. Chris wore a Jedi robe and Anna wore combat boots and camouflage pants and a camouflage jacket. Underneath her jacket, she wore a white tank top.
Poochie said, “Hmm… You both look like you are ready to go. Oh yeah, there is now shower, If you feel hungry at all, we will stop anywhere you kids want.”
The kids got their stuff together and hopped on the golden ship. This was their first time on an actual spaceship. Poochie showed the two kids the rules and warned them about space.

To be continued…

Chapter 2 is coming tomorrow... Enjoy it... :) No Flamers allowed.

Yami Ryu
27th July 2006, 2:31 AM
http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993 And http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19

Read them both damnit. And I am getting sick and tired of people posting stories that need the same thing told over and over to them. Maybe if it was just one thing, and different for each person but ...

This is not funny anymore :/

Get more than the most basic and bare graspings of writing, character development/emotion, structuring, description and OTHER THINGS THE THREADS I LINKED TO WILL ADVISE.

28th July 2006, 3:41 AM
My Fictional Biography Chapter 2: The Ultimate Training and the First Battle

By: Cipher_Admin

Previously on Chapter one, Chris and Anna were on their first trip through space. Who knows what will lurk in outer space? Find out what will happen in this chapter.
While Chris and Anna were settling in on the spaceship Chris won, Poochie went to get his co-pilot. The co-pilot was tall and had lots of yellow hair. His name was Sassy.
Poochie said, “I would like you two to meet my co-pilot, Sassy.”
Chris laughed, “What the hell is that kind of name, Hahaha!?”
Poochie explained to Sassy, “Gee, this is the problem that I dealt with back on Earth.”
Sassy asked angrily, “Do you think my name is stupid? Well, Think again!!!”
Anna said, “I apologize for making you angry, See he laughs at everything and it makes him feel good to insult others.”
Chris felt a blast hit the back of the ship and warned the Pilot about it.
Poochie screamed, “Oh no, that can’t be good.”
Anna asked, “What is the problem now?”
He said, “Krimzon Fighters are on their way, they can kill us! I need you and Chris to use the cannons upstairs and destroy those fighters.”
The kids went up and found the cannons in the back. The fighters were waiting. As soon as they were ready. They fired back at them. There were two of them.
BANG! Chris fired a shot into the front window of the Fighter. There were two fighters left. BANG! BANG! Anna fired two shots and blew a fighter’s wings off. The two destroyed fighters crashed into each other. There was one fighter left.
Anna yelled, “Chris!!! This isn’t a contest!”
Chris took one shot on the last fighter and Anna shot the fighter’s wing off.
They both yelled, “Woohoo! That’s the last we’ll see of them for now.”
They ran back downstairs and the pilot told them that they’re on their way to a planet called Lynari Prime.
Poochie and Sassy said, “We’re here!”
Chris asked, “Isn’t this where the Jedi Council resides now?”
Anna said, “We will find out soon enough!”
Chris was lead to the Jedi Temple and a white Jedi Master named Duffman Ziff was quizzing Chris to see if he is the chosen one.
Duffman Ziff asked, “Question one, How does Togepi evolve?”
Chris replied, “You can only evolve it by making it happy.”
Duffman Ziff asked another question, “Question two, Who is the Gym leader of Pewter City today?”
Chris answered again, “Brock’s brother Forrest is the gym leader.”
Duffman Ziff said, “Congrats! You are worthy of becoming a Jedi soon enough!”
Chris was happy and told himself that he could do it. He was getting ready to learn how to use a lightsaber. One hour later, he showed Chris the training he will give him. It was a room that had mirrors to deflect the lasers from the training robot.
Master Ziff said, “Here’s your first test Padawan. You must kill these two robots with a single slash of your lightsaber and one thing, Don’t get yourself killed. It isn’t used for picking your nose. Got it?” Chris turned his lightsaber on. It had a purple blade and a metallic base. Chris learned how to deflect the robot’s lasers with his mind. He kicked the two robots and destroyed them in a single slash before they landed on the ground.
He said, “Good, you do have a good combination. Now try dodging my Swellow’s Aerial Ace attack with your senses. Don’t kill my Swellow please. Now Swellow use Aerial Ace!!!” Swellow flew up into the air and pointed at Chris like an arrow. Swellow was diving down and flew quickly and Chris knew that it came. Surprisingly, Chris dodged Swellow’s Aerial Ace attack. He had to move five steps to his right side. Master Ziff returned his Swellow back into his Poke’ball.
He said, “Hmm… You seem to dodge things well, but can you lift this ten ton boulder with using the force?” He taught the young Padawan how to use the Force on heavy objects and where he can throw the boulder. Chris used the Force on the first time. He lifted the boulder ten feet above his head and threw it to a wall and it broke into one million pieces.
Master Ziff said, “Gee, I think that’s enough for today. We’ll wait until tomorrow to finish your training. Good night, young one.” When Chris was walking back to his room, Darth Eclipse wanted to fight him. Chris agreed to fight him.
Chris asked, “Are you a Sith Lord?”
Darth Eclipse said, “Why I am! I will kill you! Jedi!”
Chris and Darth Eclipse turned their lightsabers on. Darth Eclipse’s lightsaber was a red one. Chris knew he had to remember what he learned from Master Ziff. Darth Eclipse threw his red blade at Chris, but he dodged it with using the force to gain speed.
Darth Eclipse said, “You can’t hide from me forever, Jedi!!!” Chris attacked him from behind and used the Force on a giant boulder and it crushed Darth Eclipse’s left foot. Chris knew that everywhere isn’t safe and sound as he would have predicted. Darth Eclipse escaped with a foot of his crushed. When Chris saw him trying to escape, he jumped up over twenty feet high, he stabbed Darth Eclipse and decapitated him to the ground.
Master Ziff came and asked, “Chris, are you alright?”
Chris said, “I am alright, master. Look at what I defeated!”
Master Ziff said, “That is impressive, I think you finally passed your training today, so I will make you a Jedi Knight right now.” Chris was happy he finally was a Jedi Knight.
Anna said, “Hmm. That sure is impressive, I think we should get out of here for now.” The kids left Lynari Prime in their spaceship and they are heading to the planet, Earth.

To be continued…

Yami Ryu
28th July 2006, 3:46 AM
Annnnnd I see I and the Advice/Rule threads were ignored sooo. I'm not gonna bother trying helping you as you seem blind to the ability to becoming better, or you just won't.

So I'll just report you and let the mods eat you X3

28th July 2006, 6:43 AM
You really should listen to Yami Ryu. Now I may not know much about fics (I'm still trying to write one) yet but this look very bad. The worst thing is that there is no sense of pace, everything just seems to happen at once.

Zephyr Flare
28th July 2006, 11:59 AM
Gah blinded blinded.

Scoot to Rules and the Advice thread, now. You've clearly ignored them for this pititful excuse.