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Elite 4
31st July 2006, 1:06 AM
Ok guys this is my first well done story that I put alot of effort into....any critisiam would be good. Be honest please. I hope you guys like the first chapter.....
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The Beginning


1

It was 9:53 A.M. when Travis Rouge rolled out of his bed onto the itchy carpet floor of his bedroom. A large “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT” made him pop right off the floor like a dog smelling food. Today was just going to be another ordinary day for Travis. Get up, get dressed, and watch Pokemon battles on the telvision. Travis always wanted to be a Pokemon trainer, but his parents said no since he was only twelve-years-old. All of his other friends went around town and played with their Pokemon and battle them too! Travis didn’t even own a Pokemon. And again, because he wasn’t old enough. Travis got up and walked to his wardrobe and pulled out a pair of faded jeans, a tan t-shirt and red vest. He walked down stairs and saw his mothe and little sister at the kitchen table eating pancakes his mom had made. “Where have you been? Your breakfast is getting cold!” his mother said harshly at him. Travis sat down and said “Sorry I was asleep. Is Dad back home yet?” Travis would always ask that. For 2 years he has been asking that every morning. His father went to some Pokemon tournament when fifty-thousand dollars for the family. Travis’s dad was a wonderful Pokemon trainer.

He had great Pokemon, was always nice to them, and trained them well. He told the family he would be gone along a time and that’s one of the reasons Travis’s mother didn’t want him to be a Pokemon trainer. Travis gobbled up his breakfast and went outside. He lived in a town called Annlow Town. It was a very small town but it was one of the most popluar places to go for Pokemon trainers in the entire land of Nakou. But why was it so popular?

Because the famous Professor Pine lived there! Travis would always go visit him and get tips about Pokemon. “Hello Travis! How are you today?” said Prof. Pine as he walked towards Travis while fiddling with some Poke`Balls. “Hey Professor, what are you doing?” Travis replied curiously. “Oh I’m just fixing these Poke`Balls they don’t seem to be opening.” Travis looked at them and picked one of them up. He flicked it a little and it popped right open. “Wow Travis! Thanks for your help!” “Oh anytime Professor! It was easy.” Professor Pine went to his computer and logged onto his mail account. He had gotten some news letters, but another message was from another a famous professor named Professor Oak.

The message was about Pokemon, which was very usual talk between the two professors. But what made the Prof. Pines’ eyes open up and sparkle like stars on a dark night was that one of Prof. Oaks’ students was entering the Pokemon Battle Olympics. That was one of the hardest challenges a Pokemon trainer could ever be apart of. It took skill, power, and knowledge to become the champian. The PBO, Pokemon Battle Olypics, was where you would have to battle nine skilled Pokemon experts and do different types of tricky challenges. It was hosted world wide! The professor turned around in the dark black chair he was sitting in. He looked at Travis and could see that he has enough skill to enter the PBO. But how could Travis enter? He didn’t have any Pokemon. Unless…..Travis caught some and trained them before the competetion…….


Travis looked at Prof. Pine. “Travis, are you interested in becoming a Pokemon trainer?” Pine said with a wink and a smile. “Of course I am!!!” Travis screamed. “But my mom would never let me….” he added. “Oh don’t worry about that.” Prof. Pine said.

Elite 4
31st July 2006, 7:55 PM
Chapter: 2 Aipom and an Enemy



Prof. Pine called Travis’ mom and asked if Travis could go into this tournament. At first she was very angry about this, because this the competetion Travis’ father went in. Travis heard the conversation and smiled huge. He grabbed some Pokeballs that were on the table and ran out of the lab into the grass. It was hard finding Pokemon, especially since he didn’t have any of his own yet. He saw a sparkly sort of Pokemon jumping off from tree to tree. It had a long tail like a hand. It jumped down from the trees right on top of Travis’ shoulder! “AHHHHHHHHHH!” he screamed and started running around in circles. It just wouldn’t let go!


Travis ran quickly back to Proffesor. Pines’ lab. “What is this thing!! Get it off!!!” Travis screamed have a scared expression on his face. “Calm down. It’s just an Aipom. A shiney Aipom!” Pine replied happily. He took out a Pokeball but Aipom just wouldn’t go into it. The Aipom wrapped its tail around Travis’ head. It turned out the Aipom didn’t want to hurt. Just to play! It tickled a lot and Aipom and Travis started to giggle. “That’s your first Pokemon Travis! Catch some more!” Pine said. “You got it Prof. Pine!”

Now with Aipom Travis thought he could do anything. He went into the forest to fight some Pokemon. A Zigzagoon came running out of tree and started growling at Aipom, Aipom jumped off Travis’ shoulder and began to tease Zigzagoon by jumping from tree to tree. “Nice job Aipom keep at it!” said Travis. Aipom was making Zigzagoon very dizzy. Zigzagoon eyes wobbled and Aipom jumped down and used Tackle! The Zigzagoon ran away. “Nice job Aipom! Your first battle and you did great!” said Travis. “Ha. You think that that was a good battle? Your Aipom is weak!” said a mysterious voice from behind him. “Who’s there?!” yelled Travis. Out jumped Ken, a kid Travis went to school with. “Oh man Ken I told you to leave me alone!” Travis yelled. Aipom looked anagrly at Ken. “How about a Pokemon battle newbie!” Ken said with a smirk on his face.

“Let’s go *******!” Travis yelled. Ken threw a PokeBall and out came a Whismur. “Is that the best you got Ken?” and then Aipom jumped off Travis’ shoulder. “Let the battle begin!” Travis said. “Whismur use Roar!” Aipom wobbled a little but quickly got back onto his feet. “Aipom use Fury Swipes!” Aipom began to scratch Whismur. Whismur then used Pound and hit Aipom in the chest! Aipom tackled him to the ground and used Swift. Whismur fainted and Ken brought him back to his PokeBall. “You may have won the battle this time, but next time I’m gonna kick your cocky ***!” Ken yelled running away. “Yeah, yeah keep on talking.” Travis said.

HarleyScarow
31st July 2006, 8:03 PM
Why'd you put chapter 1 as the title? Are you putting these chapters in multiple threads? If you are, then that's illegal. As for the story itself, the description's great, a little short though.

Zephyr Flare
31st July 2006, 8:08 PM
My greatest suggstion would be to get down to the Fanfiction Rules and Advice for Aspring Authors thread as fast as possible... Right now this seems extremely rushed, random and the bare minimal to be honest. Having a skit through them both, you'll quickly see the issues.

Don't forget you can always use the Author's Cafe for help.

Sandra

Kamia_Jay
31st July 2006, 8:11 PM
I like the description, and its not exactly the same as a regular trainer fic but it does follow on the same baselines. Its cool that Travis got a Aipom which is different but a shiny one? That does not do. He only been a pokemon trainer for a few moments and he's already catching shinies? Its not realisitc at all. Plus there are a ton of spellign and grammar errors in there but I'm to lazy to fish them out for ya. The fic will be good if it doesn't follow the same theme as the games.

Yami Ryu
31st July 2006, 8:11 PM
Harley: Wow are short replies in this season? :/

It's sad Chapter one was LONGER than Chapter 2. And while I know you put effort into it, really, shortness does not lead to greatness. Why I stopped one of my own fics, the chapters were getting short :/ they were just barely longer than your second chapter.

'Chapter Two' sadly, could have fit into chapter one.

Sadly, I doubt you realised that.

And another sadly: I bet chapter three would fit with chapter two and chapter one to make a nice sized chapter.

;/ put some real effort into the next chapter, or you'll just look like someone writing in the reply box.

Elite 4
31st July 2006, 11:36 PM
Thank you all for your opiouns and thoughts :)

I'll put all your idea into consideration.

Question is, should I keep writeing?