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Lickitung
31st July 2006, 4:14 AM
Registeel is my favorite legendary, but he doesn't seem to be that popular. There is a lot of speculation on what formed the Regis, and why they were in caves all across Hoenn. I've tried explaining that while mixing in some brutality to give the pokemon world a gritty, real feeling.


The Registeel Story: Prologue

Registeel opened its many eyes. The dark cavern that he had sealed in so many centuries ago was begining to rumble. Rocks were falling from the ceiling, and the dirt was flying off the ground, forming a brown cloud in front of him. Suddenly, the large boulder at the former entrance fell to the side, making an ear-splitting crash as it blew into thousands of tiny pieces. Glorious light poured into the dank cavern for the first time since Registeel was sealed there so long ago. Out of the light stepped two humans, and a pokemon that Registeel did not recognize. It sood upright, was pale, and had a cat-like disposition. All three fearlessly walked toward him.
"We're here to destroy you, I'm afraid." One of the men spoke. He had a scruffy goatee, wide-rimmed glasses, and was wearing a light brown jacket. "If you remember, man created the three Regis in order to combat the two titans of Kyogre and Groudon. But you three turned on your creators, destroying cities, slaughtering entire families, and causing more havoc than the two you were made to stop. It was hell."
The other man began to speak. He also had a goatee, but was not wearing glasses and appeared to be balding. "So after the legendary Rayquaza stopped Groudon and Kyogre, man had just you three to worry about. Mankind could not stop you, not by themselves, so they prayed to the gods for help. And their prayers were answered. Mew came down and sealed you in three seprate caves, all across the Hoenn region, never to be seen or heard of again, as your punishment."
"But man have long feared the day when you would break out and cause destruction again." The other human began. "So we have decided to destroy you completely, erradicating you from this earth forever, never to cause pain and sorrow again. We have enlisted some help. Allow me to introduce you guys. This is Mewtwo"
Registeel raised one of his metallic arms in the air, with every intent of punching this foolish human's head clear off it's shoulder, when he froze. His arm wouldn't budge, it couldn't move. Something was wrong. Both men began laughing.
"We forgot to mention that Mewtwo is is the most powerful psychic pokemon ever, cloned directly from Mew"s DNA, from where he gets his name. And as you recall it was Mew who sealed you into these caves those centuries ago. And I should probably tell you that the other two Regi's have been completely destroyed by Mewtwo. You're the last one left." The men continued laughing.
Registeel, trying with all his might to move, was suddenly blown backwards by a powerful force and onto one of the walls of the cave. And then he was blown against another wall, and then a third wall, where his impact cause a large boulder to fall on top of him, pinning Registeel against the ground. Mewtwo solwly made his way toward the fallen Regi.
"Mewtwo, stop playing! It didn't take this long to take out the other two!' The man with glasses yelled.
Mewtwo nodded, and raised Registeel into the air and placed it on its feet. Registeel tried moving, but he was once again frozen by the awesome psychic power. Mewtwo then placed both arms together, and a black ball of pure energy formed between them. The cloned Mew aimed it a Registeel, and fired.

Registeel did not want to die. not by the hands of the descendant of Mew, whom he had long ago sworn vengence upon. Not against two pitiful, scrawny humans. Not now. Registeel did not want to die.

Using all of his strength, Registeel shattered the invisble hold on him, and raised his hands in the air just in time to catch the shadow ball. Holding it, the last Regi proceded to throw it right back at Mewtwo, who was too stunned to get out of the way. He took the blast in the chest full-force, sending him flying backwards until the walls of the cavern stopped him. Registeel then ran toward the downed Mewtwo, picked it up by the head with just one hand, and using his free hand, grabbed one of Mewtwo's arms. Registeel slowly pulled at the arm, and suddenly gave a strong tug that tore Mewtwo's arm right out of the socket. The blood poured out a scarlet red as Mewtwo screamed in agony.
But that was not enough for Registeel, no, not nearly enough. This Mewtwo had mercilessly killed his brothers, and had planned on doing the same to him. It had to be punished. So he dropped the dismemberd arm onto the growing pool of blood on the ground, and grabbed the still-attached arm. Mewtwo was now kicking its legs wildly, and screaming louder than ever as Regi easily snapped off the remaining arm, and again dropped it. But still, this was not enough. This was a disgusting descendant of Mew, it had to be torn piece by piece in order to satisfy his rage. And so the tearing went on.

As the sickening sound of bones being crushed filled the air, the two stunned men slowly began backing away from the morbid scene. This couldn't happen, it wasn't supposed to happen. Mewtwo had been unstoppable before. What could they do now? The only answer was to run. So they took off towards the entrance, but only made it halfway before Registeel noticed them. He threw the mutilated corpse of what was once a proud Mewtwo on the ground, and gave chase. It wasn't long before he caught up to the two men, and grabbed both of them by their heads. Registeel gave a strong tug, and both skull snapped right off their necks, as the bodies fell to the floor in a spray of blood.

So there it is. I'll work on the first chapter later tonight. Constructive critiscm and comments on how to improve, as well as what I did right would be much appreciated.

Psychic Umbreon
31st July 2006, 4:39 AM
Good length, but the paragraphs could be spaced out a bit.

Lickitung
1st August 2006, 2:20 AM
Alright, I fixed a few glarring grammatical errors to make the story make more sense. They were pretty obvious, so I don't know how I missed them.

Currently I'm having writer's block. I have a general idea of where I want this story to go, but can't seem to get the words exactly right. It may be a while before the next chapter gets posted.

Aquadragon
29th August 2006, 2:48 PM
OK story, but not a great one.

Caterpie Master
30th August 2006, 12:29 PM
Hmm, a nice story.
Not the best one I've ever read, but it has a nice storyline.
Good luck with this!

Zephyr Flare
31st August 2006, 2:58 PM
Your paragraphing needs serial work.

Your spacing needs serial work.

Your description needs serial work.

You realise what I said when Mewtwo appeared? Randomly he is there, listening to a few humans then what is considered the most powerful pokemon is wtfpwned so damn easily it's not even funny.

If as you say, he DID destroy the other Regis, then why did he put up such a poor fight here? Was he like, a ditto transformed containing nought more than idioicy?

And the humans stupidly stood there. You hear words coming from them but their lips ain't moving and they're standing so still they might as well be made of rock. Mewtwo was acting extremely docile that makes me wonder myself.

Even if this ISN'T the anime/manga Mewtwo, we're forced under the assumption it most be as other than it's lack of ability to do anything to even preserve it's own life that it must be.

It does feel like a poor man's excuse for a bit of gore though the "gore" did remotely attempt a bit more description than the rest of it. You have a nice little potential plot given the different standing for how the Regi's came to be sealed but you went and chucked it out the window :/

I am disappointed, it looked promising at first then swiftly shaked it's little rear and ran off with the good stuff. I recommend visiting Advice for Aspiring Authors, it will at least give you some idea of how to bring about more emotion and acutal life to your writting where you can make things real as you say you wish to without becoming so bland.

Remember, just because you have a visual of what is what in your head, the reader NEEDS the visual cues to bring it about themselves, that is what makes the greats work.


Sandra