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View Full Version : The Rinzix Journey (PG-13)



Jade the Necromancer
1st August 2006, 6:46 PM
Hello. I have decided to write my first fanfic. I posted this idea in the ideas thread a while ago, and have decided to start writing it. It is going to be a journey fic (I can already hear the groans) that takes place in a region that I created, Rinzix. It's quite a large place, and the story will revolve around a 15-year old boy named Ephraim who attends the Rinzix Pokemon Academy for Gifted Trainers. He and 4 other students are graduating, and will go on an adventure together. It won't be another generic adventure, though, but I can't say more without spoiling it. Here's the prologue.

Prologue


A man by the name of Frederick Balser slowly walked into his laboratory. His white lab coat was stained brown, as he was a clumsy man who loved coffee. His lab was dark as night, since the lights had gone out in the building. Papers were littered everywhere, and all but one of the walls were covered with blueprints for unfinished machines. The other one was a large screen, in which a face suddenly appeared on.

“Is the machine fully operational?” asked the man on the screen. His deep voice rung throughout the laboratory, and surprised Frederick,

“Wh-Wh-What do you want, sir?” he replied in a shocked voice. His hands were shaking, and his cup of coffee slipped from his hands and shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor.

“Why don’t you give that stuff a rest?” the man on the screen said. He was sitting in front of a desk, with the back of his head facing the screen. His purple hair helped Frederick identify him.

“Y-y-yes, the machine is complete” Frederick said. He grabbed some research papers off his desk, and scanned them for the name of the man on the screen.

“Mr. Li-”

“Stop” the man on the screen said. “This office might be bugged, and I don’t want anyone to know who I am”.

“I apologize, sir. The test subject responded accurately to the machine, and the machine can be shipped to your loca-ahhhh!”

“Frederick!” the man on screen yelled. He turned around to see Frederick lying on the ground, motionless. His eyelids slowly closed, and his breathing stopped. He was dead.Suddenly the screen went blank as a man in a black suit threw a chair at it.

“Good work” said another man in the lab. This man was dressed differently than the others. he wore a silver cape, and his flaming red hair reflected blue light from a chamber across the hallway from the office. He grabbed the papers out of Frederick’s lifeless hands and left the lab, heading for the room with the blue light.

As he entered it a tube of glowing blue liquid appeared. The whole room was this colour, being the only light currently in the building. Floating in the center of the tube was a Pokemon, who the man immediately identified.

“Take this Pokemon to our headquarters” he said in a sinister voice. The men took the tube from within the room, and after taking the machine, all of them left the building and disappeared into the night.


All reviews are welcome, and any advice (besides what's already stated in the sticky) would be appreciated.

Elite 4
1st August 2006, 6:54 PM
Um, I don't like it. Sorry but it was to short and it didn't really grab me :/

Yami Ryu
1st August 2006, 6:58 PM
Anyways: If you read the sticky than you should know how to use proper grammar, and not be making childish mistakes like you are :/ Your prologue was also a bit sub-par, and since you're making a trainer fic, you should already know to make it original some way and not run of the mill.

Jade the Necromancer
2nd August 2006, 2:15 AM
Thanks for the posts. I have done a revised version of the chapter, and corrected the grammar mistakes (if there is any others,could you point out a common one?).

Here is the revised version.

Prologue


A dark haired man by the name of Frederick Balser slowly walked into a laboratory. His lab was as dark as night, since the lights had gone out in the building. Papers were littered everywhere, and all but one of the walls were covered with blueprints for unfinished machines. The other one was a large screen, in which a face suddenly appeared on.

“Is the machine fully operational?” asked the man on the screen. His deep voice rang throughout the laboratory, and surprised Frederick.

“Wh-Wh-What do you want, sir?” he replied in a shocked voice. His hands were shaking, and his cup of coffee slipped from them and shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor.

“Why don’t you give that stuff a rest?” the man on the screen said. He was sitting in front of a desk, with the back of his head facing the screen. His purple hair helped Frederick identify him.

“Y-y-yes, the machine is complete” Frederick said. He grabbed some research papers off his desk, and scanned them for the name of the man on the screen.

“Mr. Li-” he read, but was interrupted halfway through.

“Stop!” the man on the screen warily exclaimed. “This office might be bugged, and I don’t want anyone to know who I am”.

“I apologize, sir. The test subject responded accurately to the machine, and the machine can be shipped to your location in 48 to 72 hours”.

“Excellent”. “Great work Frederick”.

Frederick didn’t answer.

“FREDERICK!” the man on screen yelled. He turned around to see Frederick lying on the ground, motionless. His eyes were closed, and his breathing had stopped. He was dead.
Suddenly the screen went blank as a man in a black suit destroyed it form the other side.

“Good work” said another man in the lab. The man was dressed differently than the others. He wore a silver cape with a sunset painted on the back, and his eyes gave an intimidating glance to everyone he saw. His flaming red hair reflected blue light from a chamber across the hallway from the office. He grabbed the papers out of Frederick’s lifeless hands and left the lab, leaving for the room with the blue light.

As he entered it a tube of glowing blue liquid appeared. The light from it illuminated the room, giving an eerie blue glow to the various computers and devices surrounding the room. Floating in the center of the tube was a Pokemon, who the man immediately identified. A sinister smile grew on his face.

“Take this Pokemon to our headquarters” he said in a malefic voice.

“Yes, Leader” they replied. As they walked into the room looks of surprise and amazement grew on their faces. They then ejected the tube and left the room carrying it.

“Let’s continue on”. The leader directed the other men down the hall to a large room with a label reading “Authorized personnel only”.

“Oh no, I can’t go in!” said the leader, sarcastically. He threw a Pokeball out, and a Magneton was released.

“Magneton, Zap Cannon!”

Magneton shot a ball of electricity at the metal door, overriding the controls and opening the door. He was quickly recalled, and the men rushed in.

The room was the site of many experiments, evidence of the broken equipment lying on the floor. There were no windows in the room; it was pitch black besides for the dim light being caste by a flashlight held by one of the underlings.

“Where’s the blasted thing?” the leader said, frustrated. After a through search of the room they had found nothing. Suddenly the leader walked into a handle on the floor. He subsequently opened it to find a staircase leading below the room.

“Jones, over here”. The man named Jones walked over and handed him the flashlight. He then proceeded down the stairs.

The staircase squeaked like a Horsea every step he took down it. At the bottom was a small machine with long wires extending from it. A strange green liquid was dripping from the ends-Pokeblood.

“Handle it with care” the leader said. His voice in this matter shocked the others; they had never heard him speak this seriously about anything before. Two of the men grabbed the machine and tailed behind the leader.

“Are we ready, sir?” the man named Jones asked. The leader walked past him, indicating that it was time to leave. The lab’s dark halls were suddenly illuminated by lightning outside, and the shadows of the men stretched down the halls. They ran through the large double doors at the front of the building, and quickly disappeared into the night.

Yami Ryu
2nd August 2006, 4:20 AM
How did that anyways get into my post...

Ragemage: There is a button called edit. You could have edited the 'edited prologue' into the first post instead of posting it again. The prologue seems better, and you elaborated on some things, described other things better. So now it's just a waiting game to see what you do with the first chapter.

Jade the Necromancer
2nd August 2006, 4:52 AM
Thanks Yami. I'll try to post Chapter One by tomorrow, but Star Ocean 3 might delay it about. It will probably be better than the prologue, and definitely longer (lots of descriptions).

Jade the Necromancer
3rd August 2006, 2:25 AM
Well, here's Chapter One. It is longer than the Prologue, and full of descriptions. As for the last chapter, all reviews and comments are appreciated. Well, here it is.

Chapter 1: Graduation

In Nuremo Town, in a small white house at the end of the road, lives Ephraim Thoms. Ephraim is 15 years old. He attends the Rinzix Pokemon Academy for Gifted Trainers, and today is his graduation.

Ephraim was staring at his bedroom ceiling, his green eyes fixated on it. He hadn’t been able to get any sleep last night, because he would be graduating today. And he knew what that meant: receiving a Pokemon. Pokemon battling had always been his strength; controlling them was not, and he would finally get one that would listen.

Ephraim combed his hand through his ear-length light brown hair. He felt extremely exhausted. He rolled to his side to see a shelf full of Pokemon books. There was very little else in his room, as most of his time he spent at the academy. “The Academy” he thought to himself. Remembering how he got in it by defeating a Pidgeotto with a Zigzagoon at the age of 6 always brought a smile to his face. Unfortunately, that battle led to a bad experience, as the Zigzagoon subsequently ran away.

This event led Ephraim’s grandfather, who lives far away in Hoverrise City, to give Ephraim a Pokemon that he cherished: A Dratini he had caught as a trainer. This made Ephraim ecstatic: he knew how rare Dratini were, and was very grateful for being given one. The Dratini, though, like the Zigzagoon, wouldn’t obey him.

Afterwards, his mother caught an Abra for him, but this turned put to be more of a disaster than Zigzagoon or Dratini: His constant teleportation caused Ephraim and his mother to yell “Abra” whenever they saw him and to dive and try to catch him, which so far, has been an unsuccessful method.

Ephraim decided to get out of bed. He slowly stretched his arms upward and pushed his blanket away. He slowly stood up, yawned, and looked out his window to see the Saturday sun rising. He then focused on what he had to do to prepare, and decided to take a shower. Walking out of his room, he entered a hallway lined with pictures of him and his mother. The door to the bathroom was on the left and on the right his mother’s bedroom and the wooden staircase. He silently slipped into the bathroom to avoid waking his sleeping mother.

After his shower Ephraim went back into his room and put on his Academy special occasions uniform. It was a black dress shirt with matching pants, and had the academy seal, a Pokeball with an R on it, on his breast. After tying his brown, goofy looking shoes he walked downstairs. He found his mother sitting on a burgundy recliner drinking tea and watching the news.

“Hi sweetie” she said. “Breakfast’s on the counter.

“Thanks, Mom” he said. Ephraim into his kitchen, which was adjoined to his living room, where is mother was sitting. The kitchen was small, but it was just fine for two people. Ephraim found some butter toast, two eggs and a glass of orange juice on the beige countertop. He turned around and sat at the small table, quietly eating his food when the silence was interrupted.

“ABRA!” his mother screamed. Ephraim got up out of his chair, and he and his mother dove for the Abra at the same time, crashing head first into each other. Abra had teleported away just in time. The impact left Ephraim and his mother slightly dazed, but it didn’t affect their sight.

“There he is!” Ephraim said. His mother slid across the floor and grabbed Abra’s tiny foot while Ephraim ran into the living room where his knapsack was. Searching through old papers and week old candy wrappers he found Abra’s Pokeball.

“Return, Abra” he commanded. The Abra, struggling valiantly to escape Ephraim’s mother’s hand, was finally recalled into the Pokeball. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ephraim placed the Pokeball back in his knapsack.

“It must be my lucky day” Ephraim said to himself. He quickly sat back down and finished his breakfast. As he was putting his dishes in the sink he checked the clock on the stove.

“Only ten to 8?” he said. He didn’t have to be at the academy until 9:30, but the walk would take at least half an hour. He decided to sit down and watch the news with his mother. He walked into his living room, where a recliner, a couch and a coffee table all surrounded a T.V.

Ephraim dropped down on the comfortable couch. His mother, whose eyes were focused on the screen, was wearing a blue nightgown. Her dark brown hair was tied back; she must be waiting to take a shower, he thought. Ephraim’s attention turned to the T.V., where a story about a murdered scientist was currently showing.

“Mom” Ephraim said in a quiet voice; he wasn’t very good with things like this.

“Yes” she replied, sipping on her tea.

“Thanks. For everything” he said.

“Come here, sweetie” she said. Ephraim walked over, and she stood up and hugged him. He was taller than her; he always used to joke about it.

“Your father would be very proud of you” she said. “He was a Pokemon trainer, too, you know”. Ephraim’s father had disappeared when Ephraim was 2. His mother always thought he traveled east to Orre, but after a search of the land he wasn’t found.

Suddenly a repeating knock on the door ended the hug. Ephraim walked over and opened the wooden door to find someone yelling “Hurry up!”

“Otto, what do you think you’re doing?” Ephraim said in an aggravated voice.
Otto Clark was Ephraim’s best, if not only, friend. He was slightly taller than Ephraim, and had his black hair in a Mohawk. He was quite energetic and owned 2 Pokemon already: a Machop and a Gastly, both who obeyed him.

“Come on, we have to go!” Otto said. He grabbed Ephraim by the hand and dragged him out of the house.

“See you their” his mother said as he flew out the door.

The friends walked down the weather-beat road into the downtown area. Passing many houses, Ephraim finally decided to start a conversation.

“Are you excited to graduate?” Ephraim asked. He always felt nervous breaking the silence, he was quite shy.

“Hell yeah!” Otto excitingly said. “Those Gym Leaders better watch out, ‘cause when I get my new Pokemon, I’ll be unstoppable!”

“So you’re going to take the Rinzix Gym Challenge?” asked Ephraim.

“Yeah, it sound’s like an awesome way to start my journey” he replied. He was juggling his Pokeballs, a habit he had.

The road turned, and with it Ephraim and Otto. Ephraim started to get butterflies in his stomach, nervous about standing in front of everyone in the academy. They walked past Mark’s Pokemart, a place for all things Pokemon, and the Knox Mansion, home of Sarina Knox, another student in the graduating class of Ephraim and Otto.

The boys finally arrived at the exit of Nuremo Town. They took the east path at the fork; the south led to Nuremo Forest and Castshore City. The road was quite busy, full of cars and students walking to the graduation ceremony. It was lined with tall trees as far as the eye could see. Ephraim couldn’t think of a better place to live, though since the only other place he’d been to was Uresal Bay to the northwest, where he went on an academy field trip.

The gigantic trees eventually led to mountains as high as the sky. They stretched up around Ephraim and Otto, and then valley turned to the south, where the Pokemon Academy was barely visible. Ahead of them were two of their fellow graduates: Sarina Knox and Arielle Rayner.

“Let’s avoid them” Ephraim said nervously.

“Why, Because Arielle’s there?” Otto said.

“No!” he said defensively. Truthfully, that was the reason. Ephraim had had a crush on her for a while now, but he would never admit it.

“Come on, just admit it” said Otto. “If you like her ask her out”.

“I DON’T LIKE HER!” he screamed back, attracting the attention of many bystanders. After mentally slapping himself for making such a ruckus he moved on.

The academy was coming into view. Its large pillars were rising from the ground, holding up a large glass dome as the roof of the complex. A large academy symbol was raised above the entranceway, where a grand water garden was set between the entrance and a parking lot.

They walked down the road to the academy. Ephraim’s nervousness had grown to the size of a Gyarados (Wailord sized is coming up, he thought to himself). Trying to take his mind off the topic, he decided to find out who else was graduating.

“Who else is graduating today?” he asked Otto. He already knew Otto, Sarina, Arielle, and himself were, but the other graduate was a mystery.

“I think it’s that Phillip guy from Farhaunt City” Otto replied. “Supposedly he’s psychic, but I think he’s full of-”

“Hi guys!” a girl said. They looked forward to see Arielle and Sarina, the latter with her back facing them and her arms crossed. Her long black hair blew in the wind, and she had a look on her face as to say “I’m better than you”. Arielle, on the other hand, looked very excited. She had shoulder length dirty blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes.

“What are you guys going to do after the graduation?” she said. Ephraim stood frozen there, nervously trying to avert his eyes from Arielle. Luckily for him, Otto responded to the question.

“We’re going to take the Rinzix Gym Challenge” he said. Ephraim gave him a puzzled look, wondering where he got that idea.

“That’s cool” she said. “Well, see you there!” She then ran off to catch up with Sarina, who had already left. Ephraim breathed a sigh of relief and turned to Otto.

“Where did you get that idea?” he said, confused. He himself still didn’t know what to do after he graduated.

“Wouldn’t you like to take the Gym Challenge, though?” replied Otto. “I’d be you and me, taking on the world”. He sounded very proud as he said it.

“Maybe” Ephraim said. He’d never actually thought about it, but it did seem like the perfect idea. After all, he was a great battler, but that was with rentals from the academy.

Continuing on, the boys finally reached the Rinzix Pokemon Academy, where after a short walk through the concrete parking lot they arrived at the water garden, where small streams of water were winding around small square shaped gardens of lush vegetation were growing. A path made of small stones led through the garden to the entrance, where glass doors greeted all who came to the academy. Ephraim pushed open one, and entered the academy for the last time.

The inside of the academy was radiant with sunlight shining through the top of the building. In the centre of the lobby was a giant crystal statue of Jirachi, the mascot Pokemon of the academy. A map in front of the statue directed Ephraim and Otto to the auditorium on the east side of the building. They walked through a metallic automatic door, and followed the path down a hallway with walls of glass.

Arriving at the auditorium, they met with Sarina and Arielle. Out of the door to the stage came Headmaster Marnis, the leader of the Rinzix Pokemon Academy. He was an older man, with grey hair and a bald spot. He was wearing his usual attire: A black and white suit with a golden academy emblem on it.

“Would all graduating students come this way” he announced. They followed him up to the stage, where thy met with Phillip L. Newman, a boy with long blue hair going in all directions, and sharp, brown eyes. He was sitting in the corner of a small room between the auditorium and the stage, where they were to wait until called out by the headmaster.
He then left, leaving the 5 soon-to-be graduates alone.

The room was completely silent. Ephraim’s hands were shaking; he was extremely nervous. He hated getting up in front of people, and was deathly afraid of it. Everyone was deeply in thought about the future, and after what felt like forever they were called to the stage. Slowly Ephraim rose from his chair, following behind Otto, and entered the stage.

Ephraim and the others entered the stage to applause from the crowd. The blinding lights caused Ephraim to squint, though it was still hard to see. He immediately froze up and scanned the auditorium. It was full of red seats, all of which were filled. All of the other students were there, dressed in the same type of black uniform as he was. Finally, the applause stopped, and the headmaster prepared for his speech.

“I welcome you all to Rinzix Pokemon Academy” the headmaster said. “We are here to celebrate the graduation of 5 of our senior students. As you know, the goal of the Pokemon Academy is to increase the skills of gifted trainers. Whether they are skilled in battling or contests, they are welcome here. All of the students upon this stage tonight have gone through rigorous training, and finally, all of their hard work has paid off.
I would like to personally congratulate all of them”.

The crowd loudly applauded. Headmaster Marnis shook hands with Ephraim first, as he was closest to the stand. He then moved on to Otto, then Phillip, and eventually Arielle and Sarina. Afterwards the headmaster talked about the main events of the year, like the Pokemon Academy Rental Battle Tournament, which Ephraim had won. Ephraim became more relaxed as the speech went on, indicating that the ceremony was closer to coming to a close.

After 5 more minutes it was time to end the ceremony. The graduates were each given a plaque and a Pokeball. Ephraim knew the final part of the graduation had begun. As the crowd started to applaud the roof slid back, revealing the clear blue sky. The clouds looked like large cotton balls. Some bird Pokemon were flying through them, their wings cutting into them like a blade through a twig. Suddenly Otto looked at him, and he knew it was the end.

“One, Two, THREE!” the graduates said. They all threw the Pokeballs high into the air, where they released a Taillow. The birds gracefully flew through the air, and up and out of the auditorium. Ephraim looked forward and smiled. He’d done it. He’d graduated, and his Pokemon journey had begun.

That's it. I think (more like hope) you liked it better than the prologue.

If you request I can provide a link to a map of Rinzix.