View Full Version : Pokemon: Secret of the Sevii Islands

Ranger Registeel
2nd August 2006, 6:58 PM
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POKÉMON- Secret of the Sevii Islands
Rated PG. If a chapter goes higher, I will post a warning.
Hey. For those of you that don't know me, I'm Ranger Registeel, RR for short. This is my first ever fanfic. It's called Pokemon: Secret of the Sevii Islands. Below, you will find my Author's Notes. Please read them before reading my Introduction, Prologue, and first Chapter.

Author’s Notes

In the Category of Attacks:
Pokémon may use attacks they can't learn.
Attacks may have different effects.

My Style:
This will be like the Anime in that it has an Intro Song, Insert Songs in the middle of a chapter, and Ending Themes.
Some chapters will be long, some short. Deal with it.
I thought of the idea of adding “half” chapters. Well actually Disney did, but I only thought of The Lion King 1˝ subconsciously as I wrote Chapter 1.5 My .5 chapters will always contain the name of who they’re mostly about in the title. They will also be relevant to the plot.
THERE IS SHIPPING. I keep it to a minimum. By minimum I mean there isn’t a lot. But when it is there, it can be major (like Chapter 2) or subtle (like Chapter 1.5 and Chapter 3). I keep the major stuff to a minimum.
Now please, read on and begin to find out the secret…

Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town managed to conquer the Battle Frontier earning the 7 symbols. After arriving home, Scott, the man in charge of the Battle Frontier, invited Ash to take the Elite 4 Challenge in the Sevii Islands. The Sevii Islands are known as the ultimate test for every type of Pokémon lover. There’s a place for trainers, coordinators, gym leaders, breeders, racers, survival experts, miscellaneous travelers, and more. Brock and Misty decide to tag along with Ash just like the good old days. May finds out that the Contest requirements of the Sevii Islands are R12. May wants to go with Ash, but can’t right away. She and Max decide to go to Johto where she can win two ribbons before heading over to the Sevii islands.

Jessie, James, and Meowth, as usual, plan to follow the twerps. But, with two twerp groups to follow, the Team temporarily splits. Jessie decides to follow May, while Meowth and James decide to follow Ash.

What nobody knows, is that Team Rocket has a new leader, and he is planning something sinister, more evil than anything else done in the past…………


“I’m giving each of you a task,” said Team Rocket’s Leader. “Butch and Cassidy, your job is to capture the Phantom of Kanto. Attila and Hun, your mission is to get the Phantom of Johto. Harland and Michelle, your mission is to get the Phantom of Hoenn. All of you destroy anyone that gets in your way. Now go, my Anti Elite Four.”

As everyone left, Team Rocket’s Leader said, “Soon, the world will be mine. The secret lies somewhere beneath the Sevii Islands, and once I get to it, the ultimate Pokémon will awaken.”

“So you’re sure it’ll work?” Dr. Nanba was asked for the umpteenth time.

“Yes, Sir, I’m absolutely positive. It has been done before. The research team has checked.”

“If this fails, you’ll need to find someone that will allow you to work with no arms,” the serious voice said threateningly.

Nanba fell silent. Giovanni almost never went through with his threats, but this new leader did.

“What is so special about this one?” Nanba asked.

“You’ve seen its power. But, the one you saw was merely a descendent. The true one has been in hiding for nearly 1,000 years.”

“Its power must be ripe for the picking,” Nanba said greedily.

“Yes.” Then he began a bloodcurdling laugh that frightened even Nanba.

Intro Song
We’re goin’ ‘round this endless planet
Some of them, they can’t stand it
We’ll keep on fighting until the end
The Challenge in the road is the ultimate bend
From the past, present, and the future
I think I’ll win, but I’m not sure
Wo-o-o-o-o, I’m unbeatable
Wo-o-o-o-o I’m Undefeatable
Supreme Challenge,
The Challenge is here

Chapter 1 – Pallet Town! Reuniting with New Members!

Pallet Town Harbor had six ships, and many other smaller boats waiting to boarded. Today many people would be leaving for different places. Some of those people were ready bright and early, while others were soon to be late.

Ash Ketchum was still getting ready, with Brock, Max, May, and Misty. Ash and May were having trouble deciding which Pokémon to bring to their destinations.

“I give up,” Ash said. “I know I’m bringing Pikachu, Aipom, and Cyndaquil. Who else should I bring?”

“It’s always good to have a Water type,” Misty said. As a Water Pokémon Gym Leader, it was practically her job to say that. Since her sisters sort of learned to battle, she decided she coul go with Ash to the Sevii Islands. But she had other reasons for going with him, too. She was bringing her Corsola, Psyduck, Politoad, Staryu and Azurill with her. Azurill had grown up since Ash started his Battle Frontier quest. It was now independent enough to walk beside Misty instead of in her arms.

“You’ve always had a Grass type on your team, too, Ash,” said Brock. Brock had traveled with Ash longer than anyone else. He was a Rock type Gym Leader, but gradually let other types take over his team. He was bringing his Steelix, Crobat, Marshtomp, and Bonsly. He had decided to leave his Foretress at the Pewter City Gym with his brother Forrest, who was also taking care of his Geodude.

“I think I’ll bring….Kingler. Hey, Kingler, do you wanna come to the Sevii Islands with me?” Ash asked

“Kingler! King King,” Kingler said as it came over to Ash.

“Now I need a Grass type.” Ash had three Grass types. His Sceptile was laying against a tree looking very relaxed. His Bulbasaur and Bayleef were stopping fights between Pokémon in another part of the lab. Just then, Bulbasaur came over. “Bulb, Bulbasaur,” Bulbasaur said excitedly.

“You wanna come, Bulbasaur? But, don’t you have to stop fights?” Ash asked puzzled. Bulbasaur pointed its vine at Bayleef who was doing just fine, preventing fights.

Professor Oak walked up behind Ash. “I think Bayleef wants Bulbasaur to go with you. I also think Bulbasaur finds Bayleef capable of doing its job of preventing fights.”

“Wow. I haven’t used Bulbasaur in a long time. Are you ready?” Ash said looking down at Bulbasaur. It nodded its head. Then Ash yelled, “Who wants to come to the Sevii Islands? I only have one spot left!”

Heracross flew over to Ash. “Now you have a full team of six,” Professor Oak commented. “But you better hurry or you’re going to miss the boat.” Ash ran inside to check on May’s progress, with Brock and Misty following.
While Ash was picking his Pokémon, so was May. She definitely was bringing Combusken, Munchlax, and Eevee. “Mom, I need at least five Pokémon,” May said to the videophone. “Why don’t you just keep Squirtle and get Bulbasaur back?” Caroline asked. “Squirtle was my star Contest Pokémon in Kanto, so it deserves a break. Bulbasaur has a crush on Ash’s Bulbasaur, so I can’t separate them. Why can’t you give me Beautifly back?” May asked.

“Beautifly is such a great Pokémon to have around the house. It always helps me.” Caroline answered. “Then I’ll send Max back,” said May. “Please, Mom, just let me have Beautifly back.”

“Oh all right,” Caroline said. “I’ll send it right now.” As she said that Beautifly’s Pokeball began materializing in the transfer hub. “Thanks, Mom. Bye!” May said. “Good luck, Sweetie,” Caroline answered. Then the screen went blank.

Just then, Bulbasaur walked in. It was holding its Pokeball in its vine. “You wanna come?” May asked surprised. It nodded its head. “Okay,” May said as she picked up the Pokeball and recalled it. Ash, Misty, and Brock then ran in. “Are you ready, May?” Ash asked, out of breath. “Yes I’m ready,” she said. Then they all ran out front where they found Max. Then they all ran down to docks. Delia Ketchum was waiting.

“Hurry, kids. Oh and Ash, remember to brush your teeth and change your underwear every day. One more thing before you leave. Here’s a PokeGear. Your number is 4197. Max, Tracey updated your PokeNav with the Match Call feature. Your number is 3153,” Delia said. “Thanks, Mom. Bye!” Ash said as he ran to the ship marked “SEA GALLOP”. It was docked next to “SS AQUA”.

“Ash, we’ll see you soon,” May said as she and Max ran to the SS Aqua. Ash, Misty and Brock boarded the Sea Gallop just in time.

The two boats sped in opposite directions, towards two new challenges, for two determined people.

Chapter 1.5- Gary’s Decision! Second Route to Sevii

Today was a hot day in Pallet Town. Gary was going to his grandfather’s lab that day to tell him about the letter he had received in the mail. Umbreon was walking beside him.

He pulled off his green jacket and tied it around his waist. He looked up and realized he was at the lab. He pulled his key from his camouflage cargos. He opened the door to see Tracey.

“Hey, Tracey,” Gary said casually. “Where’s Grandpa?”

“He’s out back setting up a game of PokeSoccer for Ash’s Pokémon,” Tracey answered cheerfully.

“Thanks,” Gary said and walked off. He found his grandpa blowing a whistle, signaling the start of the game. Glalie Headbutted the ball hard, but Sceptile easily Pounded it back.

“G’morning, Grandpa,” Gary said.

“Oh, hello there, Gary. What brings you here?” the Professor said.

“I got this letter in the mail,” Gary said holding up the letter and pausing.
Then he spoke slowly. “It’s an invitation.” He paused again.

“Go on,” Professor Oak said.

“It’s an invitation to challenge the Elite Four in the Sevii Islands.”

Professor Oak stared at Gary. He hadn’t been in a competitive battling tournament in two and a half years. After the Johto League, Gary had decided to become a Pokémon Researcher.

“I… I think I should accept,” Gary said surprisingly.

“It’s your choice Gary.”

“I have been thinking about returning to battling.”

“You know Ash left this morning for the same challenge?” Oak said to his grandson.

“Yes. But I’ll be there before him,” Gary said confidently.

“Which Pokémon are you bringing?”

Gary grinned. “That’s easy. I’m bringing Blastoise, Umbreon, Acrcanine, Dodrio, and Golem.

“That’s only five,” the Professor said quizzically.

Gary grinned again. “Remember that Aerodactyl I met?”

The Professor smiled. “Are you going alone?”

“There isn’t anyone that could go with me.”

“How about Tracey?”

“WHAT?” Tracey said appearing in the doorway. He had been eavesdropping. “Don’t I get a say in this?”

“You’ve been telling me you wanted to travel again. You missed your first chance this morning so here’s another.”

Tracey looked at Gary incredulously. “Fine,” he said and stomped off.

Gary shook his head and headed inside to get ready.

“Are you ready yet?” Gary called.

“Yes,” Tracey said walking outside. He was wearing an orange shirt and green headband with his normal shorts. He had a yellow backpack and a Teddiursa sat on his shoulder. Gary rolled his eyes.

“Come on,” he said and started walking.

“Someone’s meeting us at the dock,” Tracey said as he caught up with Gary.

“How big do you think Blastoise and Aerodactyl are? And who would wanna travel with you?” Gary said stubbornly.

“She’s a friend of mine,” Tracey said ignoring the comment.


Ending Song
Pikachu went to town
Riding on a Ponyta
He stuck a blue ball on his tail
And called himself a Marill

Pikachu, keep it up
Pikachu is fancy
Have a battle with a Muk
And then go see a Chansey

Americans will see that song is Yankee Doodle Pokemonized.
The beat of the intro song is Pokemon Advanced Battle (kinda obvious)

Next Time on Pokemon: SOTSI
Ash and company arrive on One island. They go to Mt. Ember in search of an E4 member. Someone is there to help them.
Meanwhile, May and Max are on the boat to Johto. While May meets a new rival, Max gets himself into trouble..

Chapter 2 doesn't have a .5 (yet) but its alot longer than Chapter 1.

Please R&R. I know its not a great start, but I promise the next Chapter is better.

3rd August 2006, 12:41 AM
I really enjoyed it. But I agree on making the next chapter longer.

Ranger Registeel
3rd August 2006, 1:40 AM
Viewed 36 times with only one post after a good 6 hours? I'm sad ;-;
Thanks I'm glad you like it. The next chapter is my longest yet (well I've only written 3 chapters and chapter 4 is two parts) and has real action. To tease you guy(s) I'll reveal some titles.
Volcanic Confrontation of One Island
Challenge! Fight for the Win
Ghost in the Night! The Phantom Princess

The last one is to create rabid speculation
P.S. I don't wanna post my second chapter until I see at least two more reviews. Heck I'll take a mod's review (Zephr Flare, Queen of the Fanfiction)

3rd August 2006, 2:46 AM
Once I wrote a thread too....and nowbody replied. When I think about it....I'm sad too. But I wish you to continue this!!!!!!

3rd August 2006, 2:50 AM
These chapters were pretty good. And I'm not just saying that because most of my fanfic ideas are craptastic... I wonder what this mystery creature could be? I hope you post the next chapter soon.

Yami Ryu
3rd August 2006, 3:00 AM
Maybe if you put as much time into the story as you did making the title flashy and a song for it ....

;/ but what do I know?


Overall it seems a bit flat. I mean Bayleef seems a bit ooc, and I doubt she'd give up a chance to go with Ash. So Bulbasaur would probably still be keeping peace, and Ash has Sceptile :/

And I throught Brock gave those pokemon to Forrest :/

Eh, ignoring those facts, the characters still seem flat, the pokemon also- I mean I didn't even see a 'pikapi or pikachu' or whatever pop up randomly from Ash's shoulder.

Can't say it looks really interesting either :/ but maybe chapter two will be better...

You rushed the fic, and as I said left the characters flat. So I suggest putting more time and effort into writing, than spewing out chapters as fast as can be.

Ranger Registeel
3rd August 2006, 3:04 AM
The Person I'm Thanking is....Yami Ryu! yes I was expecting a negative review, and that wasn't even close to as negative as i thought it would be! Heck it was barely negative! I've seen Yami Ryu's accurate reviews.Tomorrow, I'll post Chapter 2 but don't expect any more so soon.
Bayleef....I have plans for
*evil laugh*
Edit: The story behind Brock's Pokemon: Brock came to his senses and got back his Pokemon most attention was given to, but then carelessly thrown away (Crobat) and his first Pokemon (Steelix). Kinda cheesy...I might put a real explanation in. My story has a course until Chapter 5. Stuff sugested may be there.

Ranger Registeel
4th August 2006, 2:01 AM
I can double post to add a chapter...right? Warning: This chapter has SHIPPING

Intro Song
We’re goin’ ‘round this endless planet
Some of them, they can’t stand it
We’ll keep on fighting until the end
The Challenge in the road is the ultimate bend
From the past, present, and the future
I think I’ll win, but I’m not sure
Wo-o-o-o-o, I’m unbeatable
Wo-o-o-o-o I’m Undefeatable
Supreme Challenge,
The Challenge is here

Chapter 2- The Volcanic Confrontation on One Island

Ash, Misty, and Brock’s trip was very short. Arriving on One Island, the first of the Sevii Islands, known as Knot Island to residents, the group headed to the Pokémon Center. “Hi, Nurse Joy,” Ash said. “My name is Ash Ketchum, and I’m from Pallet Town. I’ve come to the Sevii Islands to take the Elite Four Challenge.”

“Well hello there, Ash. What do you know about the Elite Four Challenge?” Nurse Joy asked.

“Uh… I know that Scott invited me after I beat the Battle Frontier, and that I have to defeat four powerful trainers.

Nurse Joy sighed. “Scott never tells anybody the full story. There are actually three sets of Elite Fours, one for Kanto, one for Johto, and one for Hoenn. There are a total of 10 Elite Four members, and two Champions. After defeating a member, you will receive an E4 Emblem. Once you defeat all the members of one region, you will be given the chance to challenge the Champion of that region. Kanto and Johto share the same Champion. Some Trainers opt to earn all the Emblems, and then challenge both Champions. There are only five spots to fill for trainers that want to challenge both Champions. Once a trainer wins their final Emblem, they will be given a special ID Card.”

“All Trainers must travel the Sevii Islands searching for an Elite Four member on each island. They could be anywhere on the main Islands. One member is guaranteed to be on each island. Do you have any questions Ash?” Nurse Joy finished.

“Nope. Let’s go guys,” Ash said to Misty and Brock and he bolted out the door.

“Wait for us!” they yelled as they trailed after Ash.
Meowth had been reading a newspaper listening to everything that was going on. He wondered how James and Jessie were doing, as he ran outside to follow the twerps…

“Thanks so much, Grandpa,” James said to the caretaker of his summer home from his childhood. “I’m so glad Chimecho is better,” he said happily. Then sadly, he added, “Do you want Mime Jr. back?”

“My dear boy, to separate such a strong friendship would be a sin. Keep it. Good luck wherever you go.”

“I do want you to have this,” James said as he gave him a Pokeball. “This is my friend’s Dustox. She’s been neglecting it a lot, and I thought it deserved a loving home.”

“Thank you, my boy.”

They embraced before James left.

May and Max’s trip was longer than Ash’s. Max was exploring the ship while May was practicing for the Olivine City Pokémon Contest with her Bulbasaur and Beautifly. She planned on practicing until they arrived. She wanted to win two Contests as fast as possible, especially since she got a letter from Drew saying he was going to the Sevii Islands…

“We have now arrived at our first destination, Oogark Town,” Max heard from the PA system. “What town was that?” he asked as people stated rushing off the ship. He tried to get out of the crowd to find May, but he was pulled off the ship by the many people.

Max found himself next to sign that said “NEW BARK TOWN”. “I should get back to the ship,” Max said out loud. By time he made his way through the crowd, the ship was gone.

“I’m in a lot of trouble now,” Max thought. And boy was he in trouble…..

Ash was following Pikachu around Mt. Ember. "Pi Chu Pi," Pikachu panted. They were looking for an Elite Four member to challenge. Ash wasn’t having any luck. “Ash, maybe you should give up and look again tomorrow,” Brock said.

“Don’t you know Ash enough by now to know that he’ll never give up?” Misty said wryly. Her feet were sore from all the running around Ash was making them do.

“I’ve checked everywhere. Where could he be hiding?” Ash asked.

“Have you checked in the volcano?” came a voice. Everyone turned around to see Drew, May’s rival.

“Drew, what are you doing here?” Brock asked puzzled. “And what do you mean by ‘in the volcano’?”

“I’m here competing in Contests. Actually, right now I’m looking for a new Pokémon to enter in tomorrow’s Contest.”

“And by ‘in the volcano’ I mean there are tunnels that are in the inactive parts of the volcano.” Drew said.

“Will you take us there?” Ash asked.

“Sure,” Drew said.

They set out for the tunnels. Drew led them through some caves, down, down, down, until it was really hot. Then Ash and Pikachu ran off again down a rocky path. Before they knew it they were at the edge of a cliff that led into lava. “PIKACHU!” Ash screamed as he fell into the volcano……

“Ash, wait for us,” Misty called. She began running after him with Azurill at her side. She was cut off by a blur of brown. She tripped and slid across the hard ground.

“That was a Furret!” Drew exclaimed. “But Furret can’t learn Extremespeed," he pondered. "Absol, let’s go after it.” Drew said as he threw his Pokeball into the air. In a flash of light, the sphinx-like disaster Pokémon, Absol appeared. Drew and Absol began running after the Furret.

Brock helped Misty get up. Her elbows and knees were scraped. “Are you okay, Misty?” Brock asked. “Yea. Let’s go,” she answered. Then they both ran after Drew and Ash.

Max walked to the Pokémon Center. He went inside to find Nurse Joy. “Nurse Joy, I’m lost.”

“Where are you going?” Nurse Joy asked.

“Well...I’m supposed to be on a ship going to Olivine City with my sister, May. I got pushed off the boat by a crowd of people.” Max explained.

“Goodness! Does your sister have a PokeGear or PokeNav with her that we can call?” Nurse Joy asked.

“No,” Max answered sadly.

“Why don’t you go to Professor Elm’s laboratory? I’ll call the ship and get things straightened out. Professor Elm’s lab is right down the street.”

“Beautifly, use Silver Wind!” May said. Beautifly made a giant sparkling whirlwind. “Now, Bulbasaur, use Petal Dance!” Bulbasaur shot pink petals out of the bulb on its back. When the two attacks collided, it turned into a shimmering pink and white dust. May was practicing her Double Appeal because the Johto Contests did everything double. There were Double Appeals and Double Battles.

May saw somebody else practicing and challenged them to a battle. They responded by sending out a Croconaw and Misdreavus.

“Wani-Wani, let’s start things off with a Fury Swipes attack on her Bulbasaur,” the blue-haired girl said. Croconaw launched itself forward and tried to scratch Bulbasaur.

“Beautifly, blow it away with Gust.” Beautifly beat its wings causing a strong gust of air to knock back Croconaw. “Now, Bulbasaur, use Razor Leaf!” May said. The sharp leaves hit Croconaw.

“Little Miss, use Shadow Ball!” The ball of ghostly energy hit Bulbasaur dead on. “Now, Wani-Wani, use Hydro Pump!” A river of water hit Beautifly and Bulbasaur hard.

“Let’s use that combo we worked one before, guys!” May shouted. “Use Gust and Razor Leaf!” With the extra momentum from Gust, the leaves were extra powerful. They hit Croconaw hard, causing it to faint.

“Wani-Wani, return. Little Miss, use Night Shade, then Shadow Ball,” The small ghost shot a black and red energy beam, then a ball of ghostly energy. Both attacks hit Bulbasaur hard. “Now, finish it off with Psybeam!” The rainbow beam made Bulbasaur fly back and crash. It was knocked out.

“Bulbasaur come back. Now Beautifly, use String Shot!” Misdreavus was covered with a sticky string. It fell to the ground. “Beautifly, finish this battle with Silver Wind!” The attack hit Misdreavus and it fainted.

“No! Little Miss, are you okay?” the blue-haired girl asked as she picked up her Pokémon. May walked over to them.

“That was a great battle. My name is May and I’m from Petalburg City. I’m here in Johto to win two contests before I go to the Sevii islands.”

“I’m Marina. I come from New Bark Town. I’m going to Cianwood City to visit my uncle and aunt. Maybe we’ll meet up again.”

They heard a sound from the P.A. system. “Would May please come to the Main Cabin? You have a telephone call.”

May said goodbye to Marina and went down to the Main Cabin. The secretary handed her the phone. “Hello?” May said into the receiver.

“Hi, May. This is Nurse Joy from New Bark Town. I have something to tell you. Your brother accidentally got off the boat at the New Bark Town stop. He—“

“Oh my gosh! Is he okay? Can I talk to him?”

“He’s at Professor Elm’s lab. He told me to tell you to compete in your Contest before coming.”

May let out a sigh of relief. “Tell him I’ll be there as soon as possible. Bye.” She handed the phone back to the secretary then went upstairs. They were just docking in Olivine City. May was determined to win the Pokémon Contest, get Max, win another Pokémon Contest, and go to the Sevii Islands to see Drew.

She didn’t know that two people were determined to stop her.

“Your lab is awesome!” Max exclaimed to Professor Elm. There were playgrounds for the Pokémon everywhere, and lots of toys and many amazing things Max had never seen.

“I try to give the Pokémon an enjoyable stay at my lab,” Professor Elm answered.

“Professor Elm, I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask you since I got here,” Max said. Then he paused for a moment. “Tomorrow is my 10th Birthday and I was wondering if I could get my Starter Pokémon even though I’m not from Johto.”

“Of course, Max. The PAI rules state that when a person turns 10, they are entitled to a starter Pokémon. I’ll let you see the Johto starters,” Professor Elm said as he took three Pokeballs from pocket and through them in the air. Out came Chikorita, Cyndaquil, and Totadile.

“Wow, they’re so cool,” Max said as he proceeded to pick them all up. Tomorrow, Max would get his first Pokémon.

Ash closed his eyes and braced himself for the impact with the lava. In his mind he pictured his skin burning up as his insides melted and his bones sank to the bottom of the lava pit.

But it didn’t happen. He felt weightless as he was lifted back onto the cliff.

“That was some fall. Lucky I was passing through this part of the volcano.” Ash looked up to see a guy with purple hair and a mask. Beside him was a Girafarig. It must have used Psychic to save him.

Ash looked around. “Where’s Pikachu?” he asked.

“Well there’s a Pikachu on the other side of this lava pit. Girafarig use Psychic to bring it over here.”

Ash saw Pikachu levitated across the pit. It landed right in front of him. Then the masked man extended a hand to help Ash up.

Ash took his hand and got up. “I’m Ash Ketchum. I’m here looking for an Elite Four member.”

“Well you’re in luck. I’m Will of the Johto Elite Four.” Ash opened his mouth for a second, but said nothing. Then he said, “I challenge you to a battle for an E4 Emblem.”

“I accept your challenge. How’s a three on three match sound?” Will asked.

“Sounds great. Let’s start.” Then a blur of brown shot across the pit from the other side, and passed by Ash and Will. Then they saw Drew with Absol. He recalled Absol then said, “Go, Flygon!” Then he got on Flygon’s back and flew across the gap and landed next to Ash. He glanced at Will then said, “Good luck, Ash. Flygon, return. Absol, go!” Then he ran after the brown blur.

Then Ash saw Misty and Brock on the other side. They nearly fell off the cliff. Then Misty lost her balance and fell. “Misty, no! Bulbasaur, Vine Whip,” he yelled as he threw his Pokeball. Bulbasaur shot two vines from its back and wrapped them around Misty’s waist. Ash then grabbed the vines and pulled Misty to safety.

“Thanks, Ash,” she said breathlessly. She then did something neither of them expected. She kissed him on the lips. He kissed her back. When they stopped, they were blushing, so they looked away from each other.

Will interrupted the moment. “Shall I fetch your other friend or will you?”

Ash partially snapped back to reality. “Um, you can,” he said awkwardly.

“Girafarig, you know what to do,” Will said. Brock and Misty’s Azurill were carried to the other side of the lava pit by Psychic. “So shall we begin our battle now, Ash?” Will asked.

This fully snapped Ash back to reality. “Let’s go!” Ash said eagerly.

Will and Ash spread out. Misty sat on the sidelines, still not looking at Ash. Brock was the referee.

“This battle will be between Will of the Johto Elite Four and Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town. It will be three on three with no time limit. Only the challenger may make substitutions. Ready? Begin!”

“Go Xatu!” Will said as he threw a Pokeball into the air. Out came a green bird with multicolored markings.

“Go Pikachu!” Ash said. Pikachu ran onto the field. “Let’s start with a Thunder attack!” A blast of electricity erupted from Pikachu’s body.

“Dodge it and use Confusion!” Xatu narrowly avoided the attack and then blasted a blue energy beam at Pikachu.

“Use Quick Attack!” Ash said thinking fast. Pikachu dodged the attack and hit Xatu. “Now use Iron Tail!”

“Xatu, knock it back with Steel Wing!” Xatu’s wing glowed grey as it hit Pikachu. It flew back and hit a rock.

“Pikachu, are you okay?” Ash asked. “Pikachu,” it said as it got up. “Use Thunder, one more time,” Ash called. The explosion of electricity hit Xatu dead on. “While its weak, use Iron Tail!”

Pikachu lunged forward and slammed it glowing white tail into Xatu’s chest. “Xatu, counterattack with Psychic,” Will said calmly. Pikachu was lifted into the air and thrown back.

“Use Quick Attack to bounce off the ground! Then use Volt Tackle!” When Pikachu hit the ground, it bounced off and bounced off the wall. Electricity engulfed its body as it crashed into Xatu, causing it to smash into the ground.

“Xatu is unable to battle. Pikachu wins,” Brock said.

“Absol, hurry,” Drew said. He was beginning to lose sight of the Furret. They both started running as fast as possible. The cave they were running through opened up into a hot springs chamber. It also turned out to be a dead end. “Furret, you’re mine now,” Drew said confidently. “Absol, use Razor Wind!” The blade of energy barely missed Furret as it jumped out of the way.

Furret ran at full speed toward Absol. Absol was knocked back hard. “Absol, use Water Pulse!” Since Furret was still in close range it got hit. “Now use Shock Wave!” Furret was hit again. It recovered fast and used a Slam attack on Absol. “Absol, Iron Tail!” Furret was knocked back and stayed on the ground. “Pokeball, go!” Drew yelled as he threw a Pokeball at Furret. Furret turned into a red light and got sucked into the Pokeball. It shook a few times, but then stayed steady.

Drew picked it up. He proudly held it high in the air as if the entire world had been watching. He then started walking back to where Ash’s battle was taking place

“Go, Girafarig,” Will said. “Start this battle with Future Sight!” Girafarig’s eyes flashed briefly but nothing happened.

“Pikachu, use Quick Attack!” Pikachu zipped towards Girafarig.

“Use Mud Slap!” It hit the ground with its hoof causing a spray of mud to knock Pikachu back. “Now, Beat Up!” Girafarig ran towards Pikachu and started to mercilessly attack. However, Girafarig’s onslaught was cut short by a large orb of rainbow colored energy appearing out of thin air and crashing into them. Pikachu had fainted.

Ash picked it up. Drew walked in. After glancing at Misty he offered to take care of Pikachu. Ash gave Pikachu to him and went back to the battlefield.

“Go, Heracross!” Ash said. Heracross appeared, ready to fight. “Use Megahorn!”

“Girafarig, Psychic!” Heracross managed to land a hit on Girafarig before Psychic could take effect.

“Heracross, Fury Attack!” It jabbed furiously at Girafarig.

“Girafarig, Future Sight, then Mud Slap,” Will said with an eerie calmness to his voice. The mud hit Heracross’s wings causing it to fall to the ground.

“Heracross!” Ash said worriedly. Then he snuck a glance at Misty, causing him to lose his focus. Will took advantage of the moment.

“Beat Up attack!” Girafarig ran towards Heracross.

“Fury Attack,” Ash mumbled. The collision wasn’t pretty. The two were attacking each other hard. Ash tried to focus. “Reversal,” he commanded. A blue aura surrounded Heracross. It jabbed Girafarig with its horn and knocked it back.

“Heracross, use Cut,” Ash murmured uncertainly. Heracross swiped its claw at Girafarig. As it connected with Girafarig, Future Sight appeared and hit both of them. Ash tried to think fast and have Heracross use Reversal, but that just made the hit stronger and caused an explosion. When the dust cleared, Heracross and Girafarig were both fainted.

“Heracross and Girafarig are unable to battle. This battle is a tie,” Brock said.

Both trainers recalled their Pokémon. “Slowking, let’s win this battle,” Will called.

“Cyndaquil, c’mon out,” Ash said without really thinking. Misty looked up when she heard that. She knew that Ash knew that Fire was weak against Water. She also knew that he couldn’t focus because he was thinking about her.

“Slowking, Water Gun,” Will called out excitedly. The stream of water hit Cyndaquil knocking it far back. It landed on the edge of the cliff. It looked at Ash and knew that it was in this battle alone. So, it used Quick Attack.

“Slowking, Psychic then Water Gun!” Cyndaquil was caught mid-tackle. Then it was hit by a massive Water Gun and landed on the edge of the cliff once more. Then it used a Swift attack, sending a spray of stars at Slowking that hit it. Next it used Flamethrower. Slowking was blown back even though it was resistant to Fire. Cyndaquil attempted one more Quick Attack. This one was successful.

“Slowking, Water Pulse!” the powerful orb of energized water smashed into Cyndaquil. It flew back and almost fell off the cliff, but managed to hold on with its small hands. It tried to get up, but it couldn’t.

Misty was killing herself on the inside. She knew she had to help Ash, somehow. Maybe he just needed some support. But, she couldn’t bring herself to say something.

Cyndaquil was losing its balance. “Slowking, use Fire Blast!” Slowking used the heat of the volcano to charge up a huge sphere of fire. Before it attacked, it was interrupted.

“Ash, you can do it! Help Cyndaquil and win this battle!” Misty yelled. That caught Ash’s attention. He looked around and realized what was happening.

“Cyndaquil, use Quick Attack to get back up!” Before it could try what Ash told it, Slowking launched Fire Blast. Cyndaquil was knocked into the pit of lava. “NO!” Ash, Misty, Brock, and Drew yelled in unison.

Ash ran over to the cliff. He saw a white light filling the pit. Cyndaquil was evolving! A geyser of lava exploded from the pit and went thundering towards Slowking. Slowking was launched backwards into a stone pillar that collapsed from the impact. After the lava had returned to the pit, Ash’s new Quilava was standing proudly in the center of the field.

Ash took out his PokeDex. “Quilava, the Volcano Pokémon. This Pokémon can withstand any flame with its special fur. Unlike its past form, Cyndaquil, it has flames on its head and back. It can use powerful attacks such as Flame Wheel,” the PokeDex said. Everybody was relieved the Cyndaquil didn’t get hurt when it fell into the lava pit.

Slowking got out of the rocks from the pillar that had fell on it. Everyone except Will was shocked. “Slowking, Water Pulse,” Will said.

“Quilava, Flamethrower,” Ash said enthusiastically. When the fire hit the water, the fire managed to overcome the water. Quilava had a power boost from all the people that had confidence in it.

[Insert Song= “Battle Frontier (Vocal)”] (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Kz6LVPv3UwU&search=battle%20frontier)

The Pokémon were battling it out. The tides kept reversing. Will was beginning to lose his calmness. He was starting to become more nervous. Ash, on the other hand was becoming more confident.

[End=Battle Frontier]

“Quilava, finish it off with Flame Wheel!” Quilava’s body was covered in flames as it rushed at Slowking. The flames covered Slowking’s body as it flew back and landed on its back.

“Slowking is unable to battle. Quilava wins. The victor of this match is Ash,” Brock said happily even though he was supposed to be neutral since he was the ref.

Quilava jumped on Ash and knocked him over. Pikachu ran over, too.”Pika Pikachu! Pi Pi Pi!” it shrieked happily. Heracross let itself out of its Pokeball so it could be with Ash, too.

Will walked over to Slowking, and congratulated it on a good battle. Then he recalled it to its Pokeball and walked over to Ash.

“Congratulations, Ash. That was a good battle,” Will said, a twinge of sadness in his voice. Ash stood up. “I hereby present you with the J1 Emblem.” He handed Ash a bronze badge-sized square.

Ash spun around with his Pokémon and said, “I got an E4 Emblem!”

That night, Ash and Misty were talking to each other again. Things were back to normal. However, one thing was new. Drew was with the group. They had agreed to watch his contest tomorrow. He had more plans though…..

May was ready for tomorrow’s Contest. She knew she would soon be reunited with her brother, her friends, and Drew.

Ending Song

Pikachu went to town
Riding on a Ponyta
He stuck a blue ball on his tail
And called himself a Marill

Pikachu, keep it up
Pikachu is fancy
Have a battle with a Muk
And then go see a Chansey

Next Time on Pokemon: SOTSI
Two contests take place. Drew's is harder than he expects, and May is sabotaged.
Misty and Brock find out about a new challenge.
Ash gets sneaky...

R&R I might add a PM list if people want it.

4th August 2006, 8:23 AM
finally the damn cyndaquil evolved thank you so much good chapter

4th August 2006, 9:12 AM
i read them both didn't really get much though. i can feel you rushed it somehow. try writing up tje firt few chapters before starting a fic then improve upon the critism (just a hint for future fics). a lot of potential but really same old same old as far as adventure or trainer fics go. (whatever this is sclassified as).

so yeah could use improvement (beta reader maybe?). has alot of potential. and your rushing it making it not go as far as possible.

final advice time! take your time don't rush and you will get better (also a beta reader wouldn't hurt).

Yami Ryu
4th August 2006, 1:16 PM
Battles aren't your strong point are they :/ I mean the way you write battles, I just see it happening like in a pokemon game or a Colo game. All oooh pretty lights. But that's it. Nothing to the lights, nothing to make it neat. If you want readers to be sucked into the battle, you're gonna have to put more effort into writing them.

The characters ... feel a bit better= as in they are starting to get IC. The Pokemon are coming off as mindless pokebots really, and as Ultraflame said- it does feel like you're rushing this. Also- why not stay with one group, and finish off that part for the chapter. Then switch to another and finally finish the chapter- as what's happening at the same time for all the groups doesn't matter as they are not going to be meeting up anytime soon, right? And it would stop people being thrown about every few paragraphs/scentences.

... also- lava hitting Slowking and Slowking not frying? :/ sorry but logic defy doesn't work like that, and I don't think the Qulava line can learn Erupt.

Meh overall this is probably not your best work :/

Ranger Registeel
4th August 2006, 2:44 PM
i read them both didn't really get much though. i can feel you rushed it somehow. try writing up tje firt few chapters before starting a fic then improve upon the critism (just a hint for future fics). a lot of potential but really same old same old as far as adventure or trainer fics go. (whatever this is sclassified as).
Your psychic! If I could improve this so it turns out to be good, I planned on making it a quartet/quintet.

so yeah could use improvement (beta reader maybe?). has alot of potential. and your rushing it making it not go as far as possible.

final advice time! take your time don't rush and you will get better (also a beta reader wouldn't hurt).
I'll take that advice. Chapter 4 is the start of a small arc. I won't rush it.
Soo... I'd like one of the people that critisize me constructively (not those 'ooh I love it' people from the top) to be a beta reader.
It would also help pointing out specific parts that are rushed and such.

Battles aren't your strong point are they :/ I mean the way you write battles, I just see it happening like in a pokemon game or a Colo game. All oooh pretty lights. But that's it. Nothing to the lights, nothing to make it neat. If you want readers to be sucked into the battle, you're gonna have to put more effort into writing them.

The characters ... feel a bit better= as in they are starting to get IC. The Pokemon are coming off as mindless pokebots really, and as Ultraflame said- it does feel like you're rushing this. Also- why not stay with one group, and finish off that part for the chapter. Then switch to another and finally finish the chapter- as what's happening at the same time for all the groups doesn't matter as they are not going to be meeting up anytime soon, right? And it would stop people being thrown about every few paragraphs/scentences.

... also- lava hitting Slowking and Slowking not frying? :/ sorry but logic defy doesn't work like that, and I don't think the Qulava line can learn Erupt.

Meh overall this is probably not your best work :/

Battles I promise to work harder on.
I'll take the suggestion to stay with one group at a time. Oh andd they'll meet up relatively soon. Not very soon but sorta soon.
Slowking=Water/Psychic. Will=Elite Four. Will=Smart and creative. Slowking creates a wet psychic shield :P
Correct, the Quilava line doesn't learn Eruption. It was the force of Quilava's newfound power and it rushing out of the lava pit.

Once Again, a critical beta reader would be nice, and pointing out specific parts would also be nice.

Ranger Registeel
8th August 2006, 5:01 PM
A wise person told me... Bleh to Yami Ryu!
Intro Song
We’re goin’ ‘round this endless planet
Some of them, they can’t stand it
We’ll keep on fighting until the end
The Challenge in the road is the ultimate bend
From the past, present, and the future
I think I’ll win, but I’m not sure
Wo-o-o-o-o, I’m unbeatable
Wo-o-o-o-o I’m Undefeatable
Supreme Challenge,
The Challenge is here

Chapter 3- Challenge! Fight for the Win!

“My name is Missy and I will be the MC for today’s contest. The judges are Mr. Contesta, Sukizo, and Nurse Joy. The winner will receive the Knot Ribbon. On that note, let’s begin!”

The Sevii Island Contest Halls were only big enough for the stage and the waiting room. People that wanted to see the contest had to watch it on TV from the Pokémon Center. Ash, Misty, and Brock were in the front row. Drew was waiting for his turn. He had woken up very early to train his new Furret. He was only 13 years old, but he loved coffee. That’s why he was so awake.

“And now, number 19, Drew!” Drew walked out of the waiting room. Then he began his appeal.

“Furret, let’s get this party started!” He said as he threw the Pokeball containing Furret. When it came out, it did a few flips in the air before landing. “Let’s begin with Secret Power!” Furret blew a very large orb of white energy from its mouth. “Now use Extremespeed!” Furret zoomed through the orb, leaving a hole in the middle.

No one in the Pokémon Center knew what he was doing.

“Use an Extremespeed and Fury Swipes combo!” It appeared that nothing happened. Then the orb split into many tiny orbs that fell to the ground. “Not hit them with your head and tail,” Drew said anxiously. He sounded as if he wasn’t sure whatever he was planning would work. When one orb hit another, it dissolved into energy that stayed on the ground, while the one it hit moved and hit another one. It was like watching a weird game of pinball.

When all the energy spheres had dissolved, the camera switched angles so the audience could see what had formed. It was a large, silver, shiny version of the Knot Ribbon. In the Pokémon Center the crowd clapped. “How beautiful,” remarked Missy. Drew let out a sigh of relief. Then Furret ran all over the art it had created and left many missing pieces.

The crowd gasped and so did the judges. “Sorry,” Drew mumbled as he picked up his Pokemon. “I just caught my Furret yesterday.”

Mr. Contesta said, “Wow! Such great discipline and control after only one day!” A 10 lit up the screen on Mr. Contesta’s scoreboard. A 9 lit up the other two.

Drew casually walked back to the waiting room.

Ash and company all sighed. But, they all couldn’t help thinking about May and her temporary Contest quest in Johto.

“Next up, May!” called Chrissy, the Johto MC.

May walked onto the stage. “Go, Beautifly and Bulbasaur!” The two Pokeballs flew through the air. Beautifly and Bulbasaur emerged looking ready. “Use String Shot and Vine Whip!” May said nervously. She was starting out with the one combination they hadn’t perfected. She wanted to get it over with.

Bulbasaur’s vines spiraled over the audience and linked when they got to the wall. Then Beautifly’s String Shot went through the tunnel created by the vines and came out. Then the sticky silk turned around and May caught it. She pulled. It resulted in Bulbasaur’s vines become the shape of an intricate flower and Beautifly landing on Bulbasaur’s back.

May let out a sigh of relief as the crowd ooed and ahed. Now she moved onto the simpler combos. “Bulbasaur, Petal Dance. Beautifly, Silver Wind.” Like on the SS Aqua, they created a shining powder. But, May had extended the combo. “Beautifly, Gust! Bulbasaur, Vine Whip and Razor Leaf.” May said expectantly. The vines guided the leaves into a funnel shape, which Gust turned into a tornado. Then the rest of the leaves flew into the powder adding a new color. Finally, the tornado shaped Gust guided all the shining powder out to the audience, then to judges, and back to center stage.

Beautifly landed on May’s head. Bulbasaur ran in front of May and made a heart with its vines around the three of them. The crowd cheered loudly. She took a bow. The judges all gave her nines. She walked back to the waiting room.

May went to her seat. Then she and her Pokémon started coughing hysterically. Bulbasaur fell off her lap onto the floor as Beautifly fell backward into the wall. May looked around and saw nothing that could cause a coughing fit. Then she looked at her lap where Bulbasaur had been sitting. There were grey powdery footprints. May’s Pokedex fell from her pocket and opened up. “Spore is a Grass type attack that causes random conditions to the opponent. It is usually slow acting.”

There must have been Spore on stage. Somebody had put it there to injure her and her Pokémon and prevent her from going on to the second round. May had been sabotaged!

Somebody was hiding near May. He had purple hair and wore a green outfit. He laughed. “Great job,” he said evilly to his Pokémon. Then he walked onto the stage for his appeal

“WHERE IS MY DUSTOX?” Jessie yelled angrily. She was wearing a purple skirt with a short brown spaghetti strap top. Her hair was tied up and held together by chopsticks.

Her appeal was soon and she couldn’t find her Dustox anywhere. She had to make a Double Appeal. She was fuming as her name was called. She had to appeal if she wanted to stop the twerp. She walked onto the stage.

“Go, Seviper and Wobbuffet,” she said in an uncertain voice. “Seviper, use Haze and Wobbuffet use Counter.” Seviper shot smoke at Wobbuffet. It bounced off and headed for the audience. “Seviper, Wrap Wobbuffet. Wobbuffet, Counter!” Seviper tried to wrap around Wobbuffet but was blown back over the audience where it wrapped around the smoke creating a pillar of smoke that dispersed fast. Then Seviper fell on a woman’s lap.

“AAAAAHHHHHHHH!” the woman screamed. Seviper hurried back onto the stage.

“That was part of the act!” Jessie yelled quickly. “Seviper, Acid! Wobbuffet, Mirror Coat!” The spray of acid bounced of Wobbuffet and landed on the stage where it began to burn through the floor. “Seviper, Poison Fang!” It stuck two purple fangs in the acid causing it to stop burning the floor and glow a bright violet.

“Seviper, push Wobbuffet over to the acid!” Seviper did as it was told. “Now, use Poison Tail and Wobbuffet use Safeguard!” As Seviper’s tail hit the acid, a protective barrier appeared. The acid hit the barrier causing it to explode into a rain of bright sparks. Everyone in the crowd cheered (except for the woman Seviper had fallen on) as Jessie took a bow and walked off stage.

“Next up is entry number 37, Jameson the Great!” Missy said. A man with blue hair walked onto stage. He was wearing a bright green tuxedo. He had sunglasses on his head.

“Go, Meowth,” he said eagerly. A Meowth jumped onto the stage. It was walking on two legs. Then, Jameson the Great threw a stack of paper at Meowth. “Use Fury Swipes!” The Meowth began cutting the paper into many shapes. He made circles, octagons, and people. “Now, Scratch!” With Scratch, Meowth picked up every last scrap of paper in a few seconds. The audience in the Pokémon Center gasped. All the pieces were still intact.

The judges gave Jameson two eights and a seven. He walked back to the waiting rom. Drew congratulated him on a job well done. Then he and Meowth went to a corner out of sight. “You’re a lot betta den Jessie and you don’t even cheat,” Meowth commented. James took off his sunglasses. “I’m good at variety contests like the PokeRinger and Orienteering Contests. I guess I’m good at these, too.” James said happily.

Max had managed to oversleep. When he woke up he got dressed fast and ran from the room the Professor was letting him stay in to the main part of the lab. Professor Elm was waiting.

“Good morning, Max. I see you decided to wake up,” Elm said. Then Professor Oak walked out from behind a machine.

“Your luck is much better then Ash’s on his first day,” he commented. “Only one Pokémon has been taken.”

Max was surprised to see Oak and asked him what he was doing there. He replied by saying he would find out.

“So, Max, have you decided what your starter will be?” Elm asked.

“Yes,” Max said proudly. Then he picked up a Pokeball. “I choose Chikorita!” he opened the ball by pushing the button. Out came Chikorita.

“Excellent choice, Max. Chikorita can be very affectionate,” Oak said. “And now I present you with your PokeDex.” He handed Max a slate colored version of the PokeDex Ash and May had.

“Thanks, Professors!” Max said

“I have one more thing. Here’s an egg from my lab,” Oak said handing Max a beige colored egg with green, red, and blue spots.

“What’s inside?” Max inquired.

“You’ll find out,” Oak said.

Max began jumping for joy. So did Chikorita. The two of them were very happy.

Drew was now entering his final round. “Go, Masquerain!”

“Go, Chimecho!” yelled James still in his disguise. “Start off with a Hyper Voice attack!” he commanded.

The powerful sound wave hit Masquerain. Drew’s points dropped 10%. “Retaliate with Bubblebeam!” Drew said fiercely. The bubbles smashed into Chimecho and it flew back. James lost 25% of his points.

“We can be rough, too. Chimecho, Double Edge!” James yelled. Chimecho thrust itself at Masquerain with a white energy field covering its body. Masquerain fell to the ground as Drew lost 20% of his points.

The clock had already wound down to 2:00. Drew thought fast. “Use Icy Wind and Silver Wind!” The cold breeze caused a thin layer of ice to form around Chimecho. It fell to the ground as Silver Wind blew it back to the wall. James lost 40% of his points.

“Chimecho, Heal Bell!” Chimecho glowed bright as its energy was restored and it floated back into the air. Drew lost 30% of his points. “Now use Wrap,” James said getting overly excited.

The clock was at 00:30. “Masquerain, Icy Wind.” Chimecho wrapped Masquerain’s wings before it could be frozen. They both fell. James and Drew lost 15% of their points.

BUZZ! The timer had reached 0. Drew had more points than James. As James walked off the stage, Missy walked on. “I present you with the Knot Ribbon.” She handed him the ribbon. The audience in the Pokémon Center clapped as Drew held up the ribbon.

May had to go to the bathroom to get a drink of water. It helped a little bit, but she still had a sore throat. She didn’t think it would interfere with her progress.

“Beautifly, finish it with Gust!” May won her first round. She had two rounds left. Her second match was against someone named Jesstine.

“Go, Bulbasaur and Combusken!” May said in a normal tone of voice instead of shouting like normal. She didn’t realize that she was losing her voice.

“Go, Seviper and Wobbuffet!” Jessie said in disguise as Jesstine. The snake and blob came out of their Pokeballs.

“Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf! Combusken, Fire Spin!” A barrage of burning, spinning leaves was shot at Seviper and Wobbuffet.

“Wobbuffet, Counter!” Jessie yelled. The leaves hit Seviper and Wobbuffet and caused them both to smash into a wall. Both of Jessie’s point bars decreased by 30%.

One leaf hit the chopsticks in her hair causing them to fall on the ground burning. Jessie’s hair fell out into its normal whip shape. May recognized her instantly.

“Team Rocket!” she yelled. Then, she added, “Where’s the rest of Team Rocket?”

“Prepare to mingle and make it single. An evil as old as the galaxy was sent here to fulfill her destiny. To denounce the evils of truth and love and extend my reach to the stars above. Jessie! Wherever there’s peace in the universe Team Rocket will be there to make everything worse!”

“Wobbuffet!” Wobbuffet said finishing the motto.

“I’m not here cheating which means I can’t be disqualified!” Jessie said pulling her eyelid down and sticking her tongue out.

May growled. “Bulbasaur, Petal Dance! Combusken, Mega Kick!” May tried to yell, but it came out as a whisper. The petals smashed into Wobbuffet as Combusken kicked Seviper knocking it back. Jessie lost another 15% on her second bar and 25% on her first bar.

“Seviper use Poison Tail on Bulbasaur!” Seviper lunged and struck. May lost 25% of the points on her bottom bar. “Now use Poison Fang on Combusken!” Since it was already in close range, it bit into Combusken’s leg. It fell to the ground as May lost 35% of her top bar.

May looked worried. “Combusken, Sky Uppercut!” Combusken still couldn’t stand up so it kneeled and hit Seviper with its claw. Seviper flew back and hit Wobbuffet as Jessie lost 30% of her points on both bars.

BUZZ! The time was up. May had won. The two walked back to the waiting room, shoving and pushing each other on the way there. They glared at each other until it was time for May’s final round.

May walked onto the stage to face Harley. She called out Combusken and Beautifly as he called out Octillery and Ariados.

“Octillery, Fire Blast!” Harley yelled with a glint in his eye.

“Combusken, Overh-,” May tried to say, but her voice was done thanks to the Spore from earlier. Combusken understood and shot a powerful blast of extra hot flames at the ball of fire. The flames won and smashed into Octillery and Ariados. Harley lost 30% of his points on both bars.

“Ariados, Shadow Ball on Beautifly!” A ball of dark ghostly energy headed for Beautifly. May tried to say something but couldn’t. Beautifly was hit as May’s points dropped by 35%.

May mouthed, “Combusken, Flamethrower and Beautifly, Silver Wind,” but her Pokémon didn’t understand. Beautifly spoke to Combusken explaining what had happened before. So, they both started fighting alone, similar to Cyndaquil’s predicament, but also very different.

Combusken went in for a Mega Kick on Octillery, but Harley commanded it to use Octazooka. May lost 35% of the points on her top bar. Beautifly used String Shot on Ariados, but it countered with its own String Shot. May lost 20% of the points on her bottom bar.

Combusken used Fire Spin and hit Ariados causing it to be burned. Harley lost 25% of his points on the bottom bar. Then Beautifly used Silver Wind on Octillery. It hit, but not very hard. Harley lost 10% of the points on his top bar. Octillery retaliated with Hydro Pump. May’s Pokémon both crashed into the wall. She lost 40% on both bars.

Beautifly only had 5% of its points left. Combusken had 25% left. Ariados had 45% left and Octillery had 60% left. There were 2 minutes left.

May mimed the attacks she wanted Combusken and Beautifly to use. They understood. Combusken used Sky Uppercut, but had extra momentum from Gust. Ariados was knocked back very hard and hit Octillery. They both crashed into the wall causing Harley to lose 25% on both bars.

Harley urged his Pokémon to get up but May had Combusken use Mega Kick on Ariados leaving it with 5% of its points. Octillery got up in time to be hit with a Beautifly using a new attack—Hidden Power! 15% left Octillery’s bar, leaving 20%. It retaliated with an Octazooka attack. Beautifly would’ve lost the remainder of its points, but Combusken blocked it just in time. Combusken was left with 5% of its points with under a minute left.

[Insert Song= Advanced Challenge (instrumental)] (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Wh1Kt2-p3ao)

Combusken was down, but launched a Fire Spin Attack as the timer hit 00:30. It knocked out Ariados and left Octillery with 10%. It fought back with Fire Blast. Beautifly countered back with Hidden Power.

May and Harley realized they had no control over the current battle. There Pokémon were fighting each other, disregarding their trainers. My then coughed and realized her voice was back. She would’ve called out to her Pokémon but, knew it was no use.

May changed her mind because only 10 seconds were left. “Combusken, Overheat! Beautifly, Silver Wind!” The eruption combined with the breeze creating a white inferno that went above the audience and judges, surrounded Harley and May, and hit Octillery. Harley lost the rest of his points as the timer ran out.
[End= Advanced Challenge (instrumental]

The audience cheered at the spectacular display of skill and beauty. Harley walked off the stage in a huff. May’s picture with her three Pokémon appeared on the screen under the word WINNER. Bulbasaur released itself from its Pokeball so it could get attention, too.

Chrissy walked up to May and said, “I present you with the Olivine Ribbon. Congratulations!” May took the ribbon and looked at it briefly before holding it up high in the air and smiling as her Pokémon jumped up behind her.

An hour after the contest was over, May was on a ship going to New Bark Town. She was practicing her appeal with Munchlax, Eevee, and Beautifly. She was happy that Beautifly had learned Hidden Power and knew that it could be used to create a dazzling appeal.

She thought back to the first Contest she had seen. It had been almost 3 years ago in Rustburo City in Hoenn. She, Ash, Brock, and Max had met up with a woman named Janet on the way to Ash’s first gym battle of the Hoenn Region. She had a Beautifly that had made an amazing appeal with Morning Sun, Silver Wind, and Hidden Power. May intended on doing the same.

Drew was still hanging out with the group, but they didn’t mind. Misty and Brock were going to register for the Gym Leader Competition they had heard about. It was supposed to be a special event where Gym Leaders came from everywhere to battle each other and find out who the best was. When they arrived at the registration hut, they saw a long line of Gym Leaders from Kanto, the Orange Islands, Johto, Hoenn, Frontier Brains, and more people Ash didn’t recognize.

Misty groaned. They would have to wait there forever. The person they were behind turned around and said, “They only just opened. The wait shouldn’t be long now.” He was wearing a long blue jacket and had a mustache. Ash and Brock instantly recognized him.

“Juan!” They shouted in unison. “What are you doing here?” Ash asked.

“Shouldn’t you still be at the Sootopolis Gym? I thought only gym leaders with family that could take over could leave for this competition,” Brock added.

“I allowed my student that I’ve been training for two years temporarily take over,” Juan said.

“I don’t remember you having a student,” Ash said suspiciously.

“That’s because we were at his gym nearly 3 years ago and he said his student started two years ago,” Brock said matter-of-factly.

“Correct, Brock,” Juan said.

Misty had been standing there looking at Juan in awe. She had heard of the great Sootopolis Gym Leader. He was the idol of all Water Trainers. Misty’s then bucked up the courage to talk to him. Well sort of, anyway. “Ash, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

Ash turned around remembering Misty. “Juan, this is Misty. She’s the Gym Leader of the Cerulean City Gym. She’s a great Water Type Pokémon Trainer.” Then he noticed Drew. “And this is Drew. He’s a Pokémon Coordinator.”

“Misty, I’ve heard so much about you. I’m glad to finally meet you,” Juan said extending his hand and ignoring Drew.

Misty went to shake it, but Juan took her hand and kissed it. Nobody noticed the look of anger and jealousy in Ash’s eyes as Juan and Misty started talking, and the line started moving.

Nobody except Drew.

“Where’s Max?” May exclaimed as she burst into the Pokémon Center.

“You must be May. Relax. He’s at Professor Elm’s Laboratory right down the street,” Nurse Joy calmly answered.

May ran out the door and down the street as fast as possible.

Ash, Misty, Brock, and Drew were on a boat going to Two Island, where Ash would fight a second Elite Four Member, and Brock and Misty would start the Gym Leaders Challenge. Drew would compete in his next contest. He had unofficially joined the group.

When Ash saw a small island on the horizon, he asked the captain of the ship, “Are we stopping there before Two Island?”

The captain laughed. “That is Boon Island!”

“I thought we were going to Two Island, not Boon Island,” Ash said perplexed.

“We, the people of the Sevii Islands, give each island a real name, not some dumb old number,” the captain said.

“So that tiny island is Two Island? Finding an Elite Four Member’ll be a cinch.”

The captain laughed again. “It’s much more than meet the eye,” he said winking.

Ash went back to his friends, feeling stupid. He was almost 15, and he was still dense and thick-headed.

The boat began pulling into the small harbor. Brock and Misty noticed a man riding on a Milotic go past. Misty realized it was Juan and waved to him. He returned the favor. Ash growled like a Houndour.

“Somebody’s jealous,” Drew said amused. Ash glared at him. Then he walked over to Misty.

“Can I borrow your mallet?” he asked casually. She gave him a funny look, but took out the mallet she used to hit him with from her backpack.

Ash started chasing Drew around as the ship docked. Pikachu followed, hoping to see the action.

“WHERE IS MY LITTLE BROTHER?!” May screamed as she grabbed Professor Elm by the collar. He let out a high-pitched scream before stuttering, “H-he’s out b-b-ack w-with th-the P-p-p-pokemon.” May let go and ran to the back door. Professor Elm let out a deep sigh of relief as he laid on the ground,

Max felt his lungs crushed as May hugged him and picked him up. “May—You’re—Crushing—Me--,” Max gasped.

May let go. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she sobbed and grabbed him again, with less force.

Max said, “I’m fine, May.”

May let go again and realized a Pokémon was nuzzling her leg. “This is Chikorita,” Max said enthusiastically. Then hesitantly he added, “My starter.”

May’s eyes widened as she took out her creamy yellow PokeDex. “Chikorita, the Leaf Pokémon. Chikorita has a sweet-smelling leaf on its head that can be quite powerful when used as a Razor Leaf attack. Chikorita enjoys sitting in the sun, and is highly affectionate.”

“Let’s not tell Mom and Dad about this, ‘kay?” May stated more than questioning.

“Definitely,” Max answered. “Ya know, there’s a contest in Violet City tomorrow. It’s pretty close to here, so if we hurry we’ll be in the Sevii Islands by the day after tomorrow.”

May’s eyes lit up. She grabbed Max’s arm and ran back into the lab. “Bye Professor,” Max said. Then he noticed the time. “May, wait. Professor, do you know how we can get to Violet City by tomorrow?”

“I could let you borrow my Skarmory,” he offered.

“Sure!” May and Max said in unison. They both loved riding on flying Pokémon. He threw a ball to them. “May, as long as you don’t maul the judges, I know you’ll do great,” he said sarcastically.

May and Max laughed briefly, but May grabbed Max and ran out once again. “Go, Skarmory!” May yelled throwing the ball in the air. They climbed on. Max could tell Skarmory was lent out often, as it listened to May’s orders. They were in the air momentarily and began gliding along.

Ash had looked all over the small island and found nothing. However, he had found a high fence only accessible only through a locked building. He paid close attention to it…

The preliminaries of the Gym Leader Challenge began at 8 PM. The three ‘stadiums’ were the Pokémon Center Rooftop, Backyard, and Basement.

Brock’s first battle was against Wattson of the Mauville City Gym. His Steelix beat Manectric easily. Misty’s first battle was against Bugsy. Her Politoad just barely beat his Scizor.

The first preliminary left 64 people in the competition. The second prelim would leave 32 people to compete in the Finals.

Ash watched Brock’s Marshtomp take down Winona’s Altaria, and Misty’s Corsola beat Sabrina’s Hypno. He remembered all the battles he had against those gym leaders. He remembered beating all of Wattson’s Pokémon with Pikachu, and his Cyndaquil strategically beating Bugsy’s Scyther. He remembered his Swellow fighting Winona’s shiny Swellow, and losing to Sabrina twice, only to have her give up his friends and the badge.

His final memory was Misty following him to Pewter City, and Brock deciding to join him on his quest.

At the Pokémon Center that night, Ash lay awake. It was 1:30. He knew Brock and Misty were asleep. He tiptoed out of bed and out of the Pokémon Center with Pikachu on his shoulder. He walked to the building he saw earlier that had an entrance to the area behind the fence. “Aipom, Go,” he whispered throwing the Pokeball containing the small purple monkey.

“Can you climb the fence and get inside this building, and then unlock it?” Ash asked quietly. Aipom’s perma-grin face nodded as it climbed the fence quickly. It opened the door with its hand-tail and went inside.

Several minutes passed and Ash began getting worried. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Misty looking tired and annoyed. Her hair was a down and she wore her pajamas, a tank top with pink shorts.

“Where have you been?” she asked grumpily.

“I couldn’t find an E4 Member today, but I couldn’t look behind that fence, so I decided to go now when no one can see me trespassing,” Ash answered carefully.

Misty groaned and leaned on Ash’s shoulder. Even he could tell she was worried and tired at the same time, which wasn’t a good combination.

“Pikachu, can you get over the fence and find Aipom?” Ash asked turning back to the current situation.

“Pika Pika!” it answered and started running up the fence. It wasn’t as fast as Aipom when it came to climbing, but it was still pretty fast.

“PIKAAAAA!” Ash heard Pikachu scream as it entered the building.

“Pikachu?” Ash called worriedly. He heard a small whimpering in response. “I have to get in there,” Ash said decisively.

He threw Kingler’s Pokeball into the air. The orange crab appeared in a flash of light. “Kingler, Crabhammer the lock!” The huge claw of the crab Pokémon smashed into the lock as Ash looked on expectantly. Nothing happened.

Ash groaned. Misty stood up to her full height. “Go, Azurill!”

“I put it in its Pokeball so it wouldn’t wake up and follow me,” Misty explained sleepily. “Use Refresh on the lock.” The small blue mouse glowed a bright replenishing green. The lock’s rust disappeared and it was brand new again. “There you go,” Misty said, smiling weakly. Then she collapsed and started snoring lightly.

Ash smiled. “Kingler, you know what to do,” he said as he bent down and picked up Misty. “King! Ler! King!” it responded as it smashed the lock with Crabhammer. The rust had somehow made it stronger and harder to open. Now it broke off easily.

“Thanks Kingler,” Ash said as he carried Misty into the building with him. Kingler and Azurill followed closely behind.

Ash looked around the building uncertainly. It had many stacks of boxes everywhere. He called Pikachu and Aipom. He heard the same whimpering from before. Then he saw a flash of thunder. He ran to it as fast as he could. He found Pikachu and Aipom in a corner. Aipom was hiding behind Pikachu. They were staring into the darkness. Suddenly, a pale white ghostly figure appeared from the darkness. It reached out its hands to try and grab Ash and Pikachu.

At that moment Misty woke up and noticed the figure as Ash fell to the floor. All of them started screaming, as the specter drew closer.

Pikachu went to town
Riding on a Ponyta
He stuck a blue ball on his tail
And called himself a Marill

Pikachu, keep it up
Pikachu is fancy
Have a battle with a Muk
And then go see a Chansey

No next ep preview ^_^

16th August 2006, 7:09 PM
You do a lot better describing the contest than you do battles. I loved your contest part in the last chapter. Your characters still feel fairly flat to me, like you're using the show as part of your story and not developing them because the show already has for you.

Ranger Registeel
21st August 2006, 5:03 AM
Yay for mild cursing in my next chapter! Here's a preview
Ash and Misty are confronted by the specter. Pikchu attacks it to no avail. What is the specter? Will Ash and Misty make it out alive?
Here's some plans.
Chapter 4- 2 Part
Chapter 5-7- Arc
8- Not quite Sure
9 or 10- Movie- Rayquaza and the Society of Dragon

21st August 2006, 5:48 AM
for some reason i feel as if the characters are out of character. this chapter kept going back and forth. i didn't understand what was happening. if you put more dialogue like when harley told his ariados to attack actually put something like

"Ariados use ___" Harley called out using a defensive maneuver. and proofread this next chapter please. i saw many upon many of spelling mistakes. i.e My was supposed to May in one moment...

did you get a beta? doesn't seem like it very much. a beta would have spotted the istakes i've spotted. and i just found these whilst reading. oh and when jessie said the motto. it wasn't what i'd expect jessie to do by herself. you could put like.

"prepare to mingle and make it single!" jessie started twirling around and tossing off her disguise.

"An evil as old as the galaxy!" she continued doing a backflip unto a backdrop of a giant red R.

"Was sent here to fulfill her destiny!" as she twirled in place.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!" beggining to strike a pose very slowly.

"Extend my reach to the stars above!" as her hand moved downfrom aboev her head.

"Jessie!" as the hand reached level with her face she smirked.

"wherever theres peace in the universe!" She said jumping to the top of the R but not landing yet.

"Team Rocket will be there to make everything worse!" as she landed gracefully on the Giant Red R and taking a bow.

"Wobba Wobba!" Wobbufett said as he jumped in front of the scene thus finishing the motto.

instead of...

“Prepare to mingle and make it single. An evil as old as the galaxy was sent here to fulfill her destiny. To denounce the evils of truth and love and extend my reach to the stars above. Jessie! Wherever there’s peace in the universe Team Rocket will be there to make everything worse!”

there are several ways you can represent the motto. and remember they (or her/him) change there motto to whats happening right now. such as in a contest episode they would themitize there motto around stealing the contestants pokemon.

just tryin to help. maybe i went a little over bored.

Ranger Registeel
23rd August 2006, 11:09 PM
Thanks Ultaflame. I didn't have a beta for that chapter but I do for this one. I hope you like it

Intro Song
We’re goin’ ‘round this endless planet
Some of them, they can’t stand it
We’ll keep on fighting until the end
The Challenge in the road is the ultimate bend
From the past, present, and the future
I think I’ll win, but I’m not sure
Wo-o-o-o-o, I’m unbeatable
Wo-o-o-o-o I’m Undefeatable
Supreme Challenge,
The Challenge is here

Chapter 4- Ghost in the Night! The Phantom Princess, Part One

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” Ash, Misty, Pikachu, Aipom, Kingler, and Azurill screamed. The ghostly white figure reached thin, pale hands down towards the group.

Pikachu decided to be bold. “PIKACHU!” it said sending a blast of electricity at the hovering figure. It fell to the ground with a shriek.

Ash stood up next to Pikachu. He looked at the figure. It appeared that somebody was struggling under the figure. Ash and Pikachu moved closer to it.

Kingler began to follow Ash. Misty, Azurill, and Aipom were still hiding in the corner.

Ash saw a metal rod on the ground. He picked it up. Then, he proceeded to poke the ghostly figure. Nothing happened so he continued to prod it, getting increasingly forceful.

“...Boo,” came a voice from the figure.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” everyone screamed once again. Misty jumped into Ash’s arms while Kingler accidentally pinched Aipom’s tail, causing Aipom to bite Azurill’s ear, which in turn made Azurill use Iron Tail on Pikachu causing it to Thunder everybody.

The ghostly figure stood up and began laughing. Not a sinister laugh, as Ash expected, but a gentle, friendly laugh. It then grasped the top of its head and pulled.

It appeared that a bed sheet had been covering the girl that now stood before them, but it gradually reformed itself into a Sableye. The purple ghost that had two blue crystals as eyes began laughing with its trainer. She was a teenage girl wearing two large pink flowers in her hair, a blue bra and a blue sarong covered in white Pokeball symbols. On both her ankles she had red bands. Her dark tan skin caused her light blue eyes to sparkle magnificently.

Ash and Pikachu were the first to stop screaming. They looked at the girl that had played a trick on them angrily. Misty and Azurill stopped screaming next, so Misty let go of Ash. The rest stopped soon enough. Everyone was glaring at the laughing girl before them.

“Who are you?” Misty demanded angrily. The girl continued to laugh. Misty became even angrier. “Pikachu, Thunderbolt attack!” she yelled.

Pikachu looked from Misty to Ash and back again. Then it shrugged. “Pi.” Its cheeks sparked. “Ka.” Its body was covered in sparks. “Chu!” It released a long bolt of electrical energy.

The girl continued laughing as it hit her. When the electricity dispersed, it seamed the color was drained from her. Her whole body was a gray color. Ash noticed that Sableye was holding its hands in front of itself. When they dropped back to its sides, the girl’s color returned.

Misty was now furious. She grabbed Azurill and headed towards the girl. When she was right in front of the girl, she silently commanded Azurill to use Bubble. A large bubble surrounded Sableye. The girl realized it fast. But, it was too late. Another bubble covered her.

“Zuzu!” Azurill said cheerfully. Misty smirked. “Now, use Refresh on the Bubble so they can’t get out,” she snickered evilly. The bubbles turned green. Sableye tried to slash its way out with its claws, but nothing happened.

The girl frowned. Then she took a hidden Pokeball from under the flower in her hair. “Ben, Disable.” The Pokeball turned a brownish-grey. Then, a gray beam shot out from the ball. In a moment, the bubbles both turned dead gray. The girl punched hers and it evaporated into a black mist. Sableye did the same.

Misty and Ash were both awestruck. Ash was impressed by the girl’s skill. Misty however, was not. “Who the hell are you?” Misty demanded.

“Somebody has a temper,” the girl replied in a tone that was partly casual, partly sarcastic, and partly professional. This infuriated Misty even more.

“Answer the damn question!” Misty snapped.

“Misty, calm down,” Ash said hopefully. She told him to shut up.

“What will you do for me if I tell you who I am?” the girl said in that odd tone again.

“That’s it! I challenge you to a one on one battle! When I win, you’ll tell me who you are and what you’re doing here!” Misty yelled angrily.

“Fine. But when I win…well you’ll see,” she shot back, this time a hint of excitement in her voice. “Sableye, are you ready?”

“Say say say! Sableye!” it responded eagerly.

“Azurill, Iron Tail!” Misty said more calmly. The part of her that was a gym leader knew she had to be calm and focused during a battle.

The small blue mouse jumped and swung its tail at the ghost. “Detect!” the girl said eerily. Once again, all color disappeared from the ghost, and it became a gray color, similar to old movies.

Misty gasped. Azurill just bounced off of Sableye leaving no mark at all. She thought fast. “Bubble, then Refresh and Iron Tail!” Azurill blew a large bubble at Sableye. It slashed at it with its claw, but Refresh kicked in and Sableye trapped itself in the bubble.

“Shadow Punch!” the girl called. Sableye punched the bubble with a black fist. The bubble‘s green aura disappeared. “Now Slash!”

As it slashed the bubble, freeing itself, Azurill slammed the jewel in the center of its chest with Iron Tail. It let out a scream and fell to the ground.

Misty smiled triumphantly. “I win,” she said smugly.

The girl grinned back. “Sableye, Psych Up.” Sableye turned into a transparent black mist. It drifted towards Azurill. When it was only five feet away, its face reformed and smiled evilly at Azurill. Then it shot a black mist fist at Azurill knocking it into the ceiling of the building. Then it came crashing down to the floor.

“Azurill!” Misty cried and ran over to it. “Zu,” it replied weakly. It was pretty beaten up from the whole battle, but the last attack did a lot of damage.

“Who are you?” Ash asked the girl in awe. He had been quiet for the whole battle, just watching what was happening.

“Remember the deal,” the girl said sternly. However, after taking a look at Misty and Azurill, she softened. “I live on this island and I protect this house.”

“This is a house? It looks like an old warehouse!” Ash said stunned. “Why do you protect it?”

“It’s a long story. Sit down.” With that she sat down on a cardboard box. Ash did the same. Aipom climbed onto his head and Pikachu sat in his lap. Kingler went over to see Misy who was still on the ground with Azurill.

“I lived here with my parents until I was ten. Then, I moved to the Hoenn region to live with my grandparents on Mt. Pyre. There, I heard many legends and learned many things about Pokémon. I even caught some of my own.”

“One day I decided I wanted to travel. My grandparents didn’t want me to, so I ran away. For six years I trained and traveled. Then I met an Elite Four member. I battled him and lost. I was upset, so I continued to train hard for another year. Then I met him again. This time, I defeated him.”

“He said I had potential, so he took me to meet the Champion. He told me to battle with another of the Elites. I won again. Then, he offered me a position as an Elite Four Member. I graciously accepted.”

“I knew my grandparents were still waiting for me, because I went to spy on them and take food several times throughout my journey. So, I went back to them. They were happy that I was home. I told them everything that had happened. They told me my parents were coming to Hoenn to live on Mt. Pyre. I was surprised, so I went back to the Sevii Islands to see them.”

“I told them everything. Then, they told me, one day, they would move back here with my grandparents. So, I decided to watch the place. But first we tricked the town by making them think my parents disappeared. People started making up stories and saying this place was haunted. I make sure people still believe this place is haunted. When people come here, they find me dressed as a specter so they run away.”

“I usually have Sableye use Detect so I can’t get hurt by attacks. Tonight, you guys looked so scared, I forgot to tell Sableye, so when Pikachu first Thundered me, I fell to the ground, and my disguise was blown.”

“You still haven’t told us your name,” Ash said politely.

“Where are my manners? I’m Phoebe.”

“I’m Ash Ketchum. I was invited here to take the Elite Four Challenge. I’ve already won one emblem. And tonight, I’ll win my second,” he said.

“We’ll see about that,” Phoebe said accepting the challenge. “Would you like to battle in here or outside?”

Ash thought about it for a minute. “In here,” he responded.

“Alright,” Phoebe said. “It’ll be a 4 on 4 Double Battle.”

Misty was on the sidelines feeding Azurill a special powder that Phoebe gave her. The battle was about to start.

“Go, Ben and Dusk!” Phoebe said throwing two Pokeballs into the air. Ben was a Banette. He was gray with orange eyes and an orange tail. Dusk was a Dusclops. She was brownish gray with one eye. She had two death-gray fists.

“Go, Kingler and Aipom!” Ash yelled. His Pokémon still weren’t back in their Pokeballs so they just ran onto the field. “Start with Bubblebeam and Swift!” The stream of bubbles and energy combined with the gold stars into an energy river. It crashed into Dusk, who jumped in front of Ben. It seemed dazed for a moment, but regained its stance.

“Ben use Return!” Phoebe commanded. A pale pink aura surrounded the Banette. In front of it, a projection of it as a Shuppet being fed with a bottle of milk by a young Phoebe appeared. Ben smiled at the memory. Then the memory turned into a ghost. Its head was rounded and it had two hands, but no legs. It flew into Aipom knocking it back into a box. Then it turned into a wisp of mist that circled Ben before going into its forehead.

Ash was amazed by the power of the attack. “What was that?” he asked in awe.

“Return is an attack that’s strength depends on the Pokémon’s friendship with its trainer. When I found Ben, he was a frail little Shuppet that had been abandoned. I’ve had him for almost 9 years. We’re great pals,” Phoebe answered enthusiastically.

Ash growled. Aipom was struggling to get up. “Kingler, Water Pulse!” The orange crab shot a large orb of blue energized water from its big claw. Before it could smash into Banette, Phoebe ordered an Imprison attack. Dusk grabbed the water orb, turning it gray and hurling it back at Kingler.

Aipom jumped in front of Kingler and took the attack. It fell to the ground, but go back up diligently. It was in pain but it wanted to continue. Kingler was surprised that someone it had known for such a short time had helped it like that.

What seemed to be a white fire covered Kingler’s large claw. A clear aura surrounded the rest of Kingler’s body.

Ash didn’t know what was happening. Kingler launched forward leaving a trail of the white fire on the ground behind it. With its closed claw, it seemed to slash Dusclops in half. Kingler slashed one more time, making an X of white fire on Dusclops.

Kingler stood on the ground, waiting. The X vanished and Dusclops fell to the ground unable to battle. Both Phoebe and Ash were in shock. In Ash’s pocket, his PokeDex beeped on. In its mechanical voice it said: “Guillotine is an attack that few Pokémon can use. It is fueled by emotions. It can only be used when the user is extremely angry or sad or upset. It is so powerful that it usually finishes off a Pokémon that has only been hit a few times.”

Aipom now fainted, with the knowledge that it had helped defeat one of its opponents.

Ash and Phoebe recalled their fainted Pokémon. Now they called out new ones. “Go Bulbasaur!” Ash yelled. “Go Sableye!” Phoebe called out. The small turquoise colored dinosaur with a green bulb on its back appeared on Ash’s side. The purple ghost with crystals for eyes appeared on Phoebe’s sides.

“Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf!” A series of sharp spinning leaves was launched at Phoebe’s Pokémon. “Kingler, Bubblebeam!” Now a stream of bubbles was sprayed at Phoebe’s Pokémon.

“Sableye use Detect.” It held up its hands and the color was drained from it and Ben. The leaves bounced off harmlessly. “Now, Ben, use Disable!” The bubbles stopped in mid air. They all turned gray and fell to the ground. “Ben, Shadow Ball and Sableye, Shadow Punch!”

“Kingler counter with Crabhammer! Bulbasaur hold your ground until I say,” Ash said confidently. Shadow Ball reached them first. As it was about to hit Bulbasaur Ash yelled, “Vine Whip to knock it into the ceiling!” Surprisingly, it worked. Then, Sableye’s fist collided with Kingler’s claw, and they pushed each other, not willing to let the other win. However, when Shadow Ball hit the ceiling, it broke apart the spot it hit, causing concrete and shingle to rain down towards the vulnerable Kingler and Sableye…

NEW Ending Theme to go withthe extra Pokseshippingness
Don’t break my heart
I say I won’t love you again
But I know it’s a lie I won’t cry
So please come back to my life

Please help me heal
I will love you for life
It’s for real not a deal but a seal
For what we hide inside

26th August 2006, 6:44 PM
It is so cool how you're just like writing your own intros and endings! I <3 this!
My favorite part that totally made me squee:

Posted by Ranger Registeel
“Thanks, Ash,” she said breathlessly. She then did something neither of them expected. She kissed him on the lips. He kissed her back. When they stopped, they were blushing, so they looked away from each other.
I was like wohoo, lol :p, yeah at the beginning you seemed to rush things but now you're slowing them out! Wonderful! You need to keep fitting Pokeshiping into this fic plz plz plz!
I like the way you're fitting the Pokemon battles into this, I hate it when people just skip it.
OMG, love the fic, whaaaa! What';s gonna happen??? Is the concrete gonna kill the Pokemon (hope so) ;lol j/k
Thanks so much for recommending my fic Hero to your friend! I really appreciate it. Now I'm just returning the favour! :)
Continue with this great fic!
NEway review my fic Hero, I just posted chapter 6 last night!

26th August 2006, 8:49 PM
it's an original idea. Keep up the good work

Ranger Registeel
26th August 2006, 11:39 PM
Thanks for the reviews. Part 2 is coming by tomorrow night, maybe earlier ^_^

27th August 2006, 5:35 AM
THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am totally hooked onto the story. chapter 4 was dynamic!! please pm me when the next chapter is ready!!

Ranger Registeel
28th August 2006, 2:24 AM
Sorry guys I can't get it up tonight. I promise it'll be up tomorrow. If its not, you may torture me with plastic spoons.

28th August 2006, 4:42 AM
OK, the way I feel in on this? The characters aren't being built upon. I'm sure this has already been said somewhere, but I'll say it again. You're not describing them and building upon them becasue you think "Oh, well since they're from the anime, everyone'll already know." Well, not the case. When you write, you should pretend that the readers have no idea what anything in the story looks, feels, smells, tastes, and sounds like. Same concept with the story characters.

There's my 2 cents...

Ranger Registeel
28th August 2006, 6:10 PM
Thank you Kitsune, I'm trying to work on that.
Now *dun dun dun* Part 2!

Intro Song
We’re goin’ ‘round this endless planet
Some of them, they can’t stand it
We’ll keep on fighting until the end
The Challenge in the road is the ultimate bend
From the past, present, and the future
I think I’ll win, but I’m not sure
Wo-o-o-o-o, I’m unbeatable
Wo-o-o-o-o I’m Undefeatable
Supreme Challenge,
The Challenge is here

Chapter 4- Shadow of a Secret! The Phantom Princess, Part Two

“NO!” Ash screamed in unison with Phoebe. Their Pokémon were still pushing, and refused to give in. Phoebe was the one that though fast enough. “Ben, Pain Split!” A ghostly silver string connected the four Pokémon. When the concrete and shingles hit, the string turned a deep red, and Bulbasaur and Ben struggled against the pain. They both moved next to the pile. Bulbasaur used Vine Whip to start clearing the debris, as Ben used Disable to destroy small amounts of pieces at a time.

Eventually, they cleared away all the debris. Kingler and Sableye were bruised and had minor injuries, but were okay.

Ash breathed a sigh of relief. So did Phoebe. “Kingler, do you wanna keep battling?” Ash asked caringly. “King!” it replied with a fierce expression. Ash could tell it wanted to battle. But deep down he was worried. A nervous knot formed in his stomach. If his Pokémon got hurt, he wouldn’t forgive himself. Ash ignored the feeling.

“Bulbasaur, Solarbeam!” Phoebe looked at Ash quizzically. She knew there was no sun out now. Then, she remembered the hole in the roof. Lunar Energy was being drawn into the hole of Bulbasaur’s bulb. When it had enough energy, it blasted a white energy beam at Phoebe’s Pokémon.

“Sableye, Detect!” Phoebe screamed nervously. Unfortunately, Sableye only had enough energy to protect Ben and not itself. The Solarbeam smashed into it. It crashed into Sableye hard, knocking it into a tower of boxes that collapsed and covered it. Phoebe dug it out to find it fainted.

Suddenly, a dark red aura surrounded Kingler. The energy drained Kingler’s color and power. It fainted on the spot. Ash ran to the crab. “Relax,” Phoebe said. “You didn’t overexert it. Sableye used Destiny Bond, so when it fainted, so did Kingler.”

Ash looked up in relief. Then he recalled his Pokémon. He sent out Pikachu next. “Pi Pikachu!”

“Go!” Phoebe called throwing a Pokeball in the air with a sinister smile. Out came a husk-like bug. It had two large broken wings, but it seemed to be hovering. Its skin—or was it armor?—was a brownish gold color. Above its head was an almost close silver halo.

“What is that?” Ash asked.

“Ash!” Misty yelled in angry amazement. “Remember in the Hoenn Region when we ran into Hansen? He had two Ninjask and a Shedinja. It has the ability Wonder Guard that prevents it from being hit by all attacks except the attacks that are strong against it!”

“We’ll have to beat it anyway. Bulbasaur, another Solarbeam! Pikachu, Thunder!” It seemed to be an unstoppable attack. It was a powerful energy beam with electricity surrounding it. The beam seemed to engulf Shedinja. When the dust cleared however, Shedinja was perfectly fine.

“Ben, Night Shade!” Two red and black energy beams erupted from the Banette’s eyes. It hit Bulbasaur, but it held its ground. “Now, Shadow Ball!”

“Pikachu, Thunderbolt!” The ball of ghostly energy exploded on contact. “Now, Volt Tackle!” The electrical tackle was a powerful attack. However, once again, Pikachu bounced off of Shedinja.

“Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf!”

“Ben, Disable then Shadow Ball!”

“Bulbasaur, Double-Edge and Solar Beam!”

What followed wasn’t pretty. Bulbasaur’s leaves were an inch away from Banette when they were Disabled. Bulbasaur had already launch itself at Ben so as Ben’s Shadow Ball was charging, Bulbasaur knocked into it. They were both on the ground when they launched their attacks. An explosion followed. When the smoke was gone, both were fainted.

The two trainers recalled their friends. Phoebe now went all out. “Shedinja, use Confuse Ray and Dream Eater!” Pikachu became dizzy first, and then Shedinja turned transparent and moved through it. Pikachu let out a small shriek as if it was having a nightmare.

“Pikachu snap out of it! Use Thunder!” It did, but it zapped itself. Instantly, it was back to normal.

“Shedinja you’ve managed to weaken it a lot. Now use a barrage of Shadow Balls!” Phoebe yelled, anxious to end the battle fast.

Ash was ready. “Pikachu, Iron Tail to knock them all back!” Phoebe gasped and tried to call off the attack but it was too late. Pikachu knocked back every single one and they all hit Shedinja. It fell to the ground unable to battle.

Misty stood up and ran to Ash. She gave him a hug. “You figured out how to beat it,” she said happily. Then hopefully she added, “Can we go to sleep now?”

“One minute,” Phoebe said as she walked over to them. “Ash, that was a great battle. That was amazing how you figured out how to beat my Shedinja. You’ve earned this, the H2 Emblem,” she said handing him a silver square with H2 carved on it.

“I got a—“ Before he could finish he fell to ground and started to snore very loudly.

“Two please,” Misty said and fell asleep beside him.

“Pika,” It did the same.

Phoebe laughed and shrugged.

Ash and Misty woke up in their beds at the Pokémon Center. They were in their p.j’s. Ash wondered if last night had been a dream. However, after seeing it was noon, and his badge case had his new emblem, he thought otherwise.

Brock and Drew were gone. Misty found a note saying Drew was at the contest and Brock was watching it from the Center.

Ash pulled on a pair of jeans over his boxers and Misty brushed her hair. Together with Pikachu, they went to the lounge to get breakfast.

Afterward, they went to the Contest Room to see the last few minutes of it. Brock had saved them seats. He explained how Drew had lost in the first battle round against a coordinator named Ricky who was now in the finals.

Ricky’s Typlosion used a powerful fire attack that Ash didn’t recognize to knock out his opponent’s Crawdaunt. He was declared the winner and was presented with the ribbon.

The audience dispersed from the Pokémon Center. Ash, Misty, and Brock remained behind. As they expected, Drew walked in shortly. He was frowning. Flygon was beside him. Brock noticed a bad burn covering its wing.

“Drew, you should have Nurse Joy look at that,” Brock said pointing to Flygon’s wing.

“I know. Flygon, return.”

“Hey Drew, cheer up. There are more contests,” Misty said warmly.

“No. I have to win six contests before I can enter the Sevii Festival on Seven Island. I’ll have to stay here when you guys leave for Three Island so I can compete again tomorrow.” Drew followed up with a sigh.

“We’ll stay here with you,” Brock offered.

“No, really it’s okay. Besides, you and Misty have the gym leader competition.”

“Are you sure Drew?” Brock asked again.

“It’s cool. I’m used to traveling alone.”

“We can still hang out today,” Ash said.

“No, I need to train.”

“Then let’s find a place to train!” Ash said.

“Fine. First, I’ll give Flygon to Nurse Joy.”

Two hours later they were out exploring the small island. There wasn’t much to explore however.

“Hey, let’s go to the waterfall!” Misty said after seeing the small waterfall at the north end of the island.

They did go there. After going up a hill, they arrived at the top. What they saw was a small shack. It looked very old.

Ash glanced at Misty. They both had the same thought. “What if Phoebe is there waiting to scare us again?” they thought.

“Let’s get away from here,” Misty said.

“Now why would you do that?” a strange voice said. An old woman was standing outside of the shack. She had two blue-gray buns on the sides of her head. She was wearing a long kimono.

“Phoebe, we know it’s you,” Misty said annoyed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Bulbasaur, Quilava, go!” Ash said. “Phoebe stop we know it’s you.”

“Young man, I assure you, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf! Quilava, Swift!”

“Meganium, Typhosion, Feraligatr, help!” she said throwing three Pokeballs into the air. A set of fully evolved Johto starters appeared. “Use the Ultimate Attacks!”

A bright aura the color of their elements surrounded each of them. They all let out a loud roar. Suddenly, large spiked Vines erupted from the ground and wrapped around Bulbasaur, lifting it into the air. Then, a tower of water erupted from the ground beneath Quilava. Finally, a red X burned on the ground. From the corners and the center, blasts of heat and fire shot out of the ground and crashed into Bulbasaur and Quilava.

The Johto starters stopped glowing as Bulbasaur and Quilava fell to the ground. Both appeared to be fainted, but stood up surprisingly.

The old woman gasped. Then she stared at Ash. “Your Pokémon… They stood up even after being hit by the three Ultimate Attacks. You must be one of the Accepted Ones.”

“Huh?” Ash asked as he finally came to the realization that this wasn’t Phoebe.

“Come inside,” she said. Then she walked inside, not bothering to see if they were coming.

Ash’s Pokémon limped beside him as he followed the strange old woman. The inside of the shack was quite large. There was a bed off in one corner, but the rest of the shack seemed to be a kitchen. There was a sink and many cabinets. A table was set for 5 with tea and warm, delicious smelling biscuits in the center.

“Sit down.”

The four kids obeyed immediately.

“Now, I have a story to tell. So listen closely,” the old woman began. “2000 years ago, three powerful Pokémon created the Sevii Islands. It took them exactly seven days. When they were through, they populated the islands with new Pokémon. However, some of these Pokémon had a strange reaction to the islands.”

“The Cycle of Elements, now known as the Starter Pokémon, somehow got their powers fused with the power that went into creating the islands. It resulted in abnormally powerful attacks not learnable by any other Pokémon.”

“The creators of the islands were worried that the Pokémon would become filled with greed because of their newly found power, but quite the opposite happened. These new Pokémon ruled over the islands as protectors and peacemakers.”

“When the Cycle of Elements, as they called themselves because they formed a triangle that cancelled each other out, had children, their children received these special attacks. However, when more children came, chaos gradually ensued. There were clashes for power and eventually, the wars got so out of control, the islands were almost destroyed.”

“Then, 1500 years ago, a human hero from a faraway region arrived with a new Pokémon. Together, they sealed away all the extra power, and only left the recent generation with the special attacks. Eventually, he brought in more humans to help create a balance.”

“Meanwhile, the Creators had decided to create more islands so that the powers could be kept far away from each other. Three more islands, far away, were made. But, they soon found out that peace had been made. They looked on for 500 more years, and realized that the hero’s descendants had been keeping the attacks at bay. So, they decided to go to sleep on the new islands, for they too had descendants who could take their places.”

“Two of them woke up to find their descendants had vanished. But, the third’s descendant was still there. So, they decided to stay awake and watch over the other lands. Over the years, they appeared to special trainers that deserved the right of the Ultimate Attacks, which they were now called.”

“I am one of the great hero’s descendants. I have been waiting for a trainer to stumble here. You, young man, are that trainer. Your Cycle of Elements are destined to learn the attacks. Now, tell me your name.”

“I’m Ash.”

“Ash, do you have any other Cycle of Elements?”

“You mean Starters? Yea. I have a Charizard, Squirtle, Bayleef, Totodile, and Sceptile too.”

“Excellent. There is an excess of energy this generation for some reason. Now, your training will begin. First, show me all your Cycle of Elements.”

“I don’t have all of them with me. Some are at Professor Oak’s lab and some are training.”

“I have a video phone in the basement,” she said opening a hidden door in the floor.

“But—I—I’m confused.”

“Call your Professor and get your Pokémon!” she said and shoved him into the hole. He fell and landed on a soft material. The video phone was already on and he dialed the number. Professor Oak answered almost immediately.

“Why hello there, Ash. How’s your journey?” the old man said.

“I’m fine. Um, I need to switch Pokémon.”

“An Elite Four battle coming up?”

“No. Some old lady told me some legend thing and I need my Starter Pokémon. Here’s Aipom, Kingler, and Heracross,” he said as he placed the balls on the transfer hub one at a time. They each disappeared in a flash of light.

“I’ll go get Bayleef, Sceptile, and Totodile for you.” Two minutes later he returned. “Here you go,” he said putting the Pokeballs on the transfer hub.

“Thanks Professor,” Ash said. Then he hung up and climbed back up through the hole.

“Now, your training begins,” the old woman said and yanked him outside. Brock and Misty followed.

Outside, the old woman’s Pokémon were waiting. “My name is Brinca in case you were wondering. Now, release your Pokémon.”

“Go, everybody!” Ash said as he tossed five Pokeballs into the air. “So what do we do now?”

“Run ten laps up and down the hill!”



“Yes ma’am!” Ash and his Pokémon began their laps.

When they were doing their final lap downhill, Totodile started dancing and crashed into Bulbasaur, causing them both to start rolling down the hill. Quilava looked back just in time to get run over and start rolling down the hill with them. Bayleef noticed and turned around, but because of the momentum of going downhill and the sudden stop, it started rolling, too. The two parties then rolled into Sceptile. The giant ball of Pokémon then crashed into Ash, before falling into the lake.

Ash and his Pokémon started laughing at what had happened. Then, Brinca made her way down the hill. “Excellent work, Ash. You have completed two of the three steps towards learning the Ultimate Attacks. The first one is discipline. That’s what the running was for. The second is a strong bond with your Pokémon. You obviously have that. The third is practice. Now get out of the water so we can work on that.”

“Meganium, show them a Frenzy Plant!” Brinca said when Ash was out of the water. A bright green glow surrounded Meganium. Then, several thick, spiky vines came out of the ground and destroyed a tower of cinderblocks Brinca had set up. “Now you try.”

“Bulbasaur! Bayleef! Sceptile! Frenzy Plant!” Ash yelled. All three of them glowed bright green. Bulbasaur used Vine Whip, but there were small spikes and a pointed end. Bayleef’s leaf became a long spiked vine. Sceptile’s tail leaves turned into spikes.

“That was good for a first try,” Brinca said to the Pokémon. “Now, Typhlosion, Blast Burn!” A red X burned in several spots across the ground. From each one, a cloud of heat and flames erupted from the ground.

“Quilava, it’s your turn! Blast Burn!” The red circles on Quilava’s head glowed bright red with the aura that now surrounded Quilava. Then, a small cloud of heat exploded from the spots. The force of it knocked back and it landed in the lake.

Brinca sweat dropped. “You should practice that, Quilava. Now, Feraligatr, use Hydro Cannon!” The bright blue aura around Feraligatr was almost blinding against the setting sun. An enormous tower of water exploded from the ground.

“Totodile, now you! Hydro Cannon!”Totodile danced around as an aura surrounded it. Then it aimed its mouth at the ground and let out a large amount of water that launched Totodile into the air. When it landed it started dancing.

Brinca sweat dropped again and sighed. “Totodile is… eccentric to say the least.”

Suddenly, all the Pokémon were lifted into the air. Ash looked up to see a Meowth-shaped balloon with a large metal container attached to the bottom. “Team Rocket!” Drew yelled out.

“Hahahaha! Prepare for trouble here near the waterfall!” James began.

“Make it double, we caught a big haul!” Meowth said as he extended his claws.

“An evil as old as the galaxy!” James said as he jumped to the top of the balloon.

“Sent hea to get all da little Poke’s!” Meowth said as he jumped up next to James.

“To catch the rare ‘mons that we love,” James said as a giant Red R appeared and James slid backwards toward the R.

“And extend our reach to the stars above,” Meowth said sliding backwards and standing next to the R.

“James!” he said as he jumped on top of the now burning R.

“And Meowth are da names,” he said as he followed.

“Wherever there’s peace in the universe…” James said as he raised his hand.

“Team Rocket will be dere…” Meowth said doing the same.

“To make everything worse!” they said in unison as they pointed their fingers out.

“Chiiiime Chime!” Chimecho said.

“Mya Mya Mime!!” Mime Jr. said, completing the motto.

“Team Rocket, give back the Pokémon!” Ash yelled at them angrily.

“Why would we? We’ve been doing so good lately. We even remembered to use stun darts on the Johto trio so they can’t get out with those Ultimate Attacks,” James said defiantly.

“Azurill, Water Gun!” Misty yelled. The blue mouse let out a stream of water from its mouth. The water hit the metal container, but did nothing.

“Ash, you have to have one of your Pokémon use an ultimate attack,” Brinca said quickly.

“But Brinca, none of my Pokémon can use the attacks yet,” Ash said desperately.

“If you believe in them, they can!” Brinca said firmly.

“Alright. Bulbasaur, Frenzy Plant!” Ash yelled out. The metal container started glowing a bright green. Suddenly, the ground started rumbling. Then, two thick vine erupted from the ground. The sharp thorns cut the container away from the balloon and ripped it open, freeing the Pokémon. As soon as they were free, Bulbasaur stopped glowing and the vines fell back into the ground.

“Great job Bulbasaur! Now, Pikachu, Thund—“ Ash said but was cut off.

“Let me handle this, Ash,” Drew said. “Go Absol! Razor Wind!”

“Azurill, Bubble!” Misty yelled unexpectedly. But, as soon as she said that, Azurill started glowing. Slowly, it grew larger and its shape changed. Eventually, it stopped glowing, and there stood a Marill. The plump blue and white mouse’s hand glowed a light blue.

Absol released the blade of energy. Marill jumped on top of it. Before the blade struck, Marill punched the balloon, freezing it. Then the blade hit it causing the balloon o explode and Meowth and James to go flying.

“Team Rocket’s blasting off again!” they yelled as they were hurled through the troposphere.

Marill landed on Absol’s back. “Marill! That was amazing! Your Ice Punch attack was so awesome!” Misty said cradling her new Pokémon in her arms.

“Absol, nice work,” Drew said as he stroked its fur. Then he returned it to its Pokeball.

“That was extraordinary. But, Ash, your Bulbasaur’s performance was the best,” Brinca said warmly.

“Thanks a lot Brinca. You too Bulbasaur.”

That night, Ash was on the phone with the Professor. He had sent back Totdile and Sceptile, but Bayleef refused to go. Instead, Bulbasaur had volunteered to go back. Ash promised it he would call for it again.

After his call with the Professor, he talked to May. It turned out she might meet them tomorrow on Three Island.

What nobody knew was, tomorrow, they would have a deadly encounter with someone unexpected…

Ending Song
Don’t break my heart
I say I won’t love you again
But I know it’s a lie I won’t cry
So please come back to my life

Please help me heal
I will love you for life
It’s for real not a deal but a seal
For what we hide inside

Well? Was it good?
By the way, the next chapter starts an arc called "Team Rocket: The First Strike"

28th August 2006, 6:30 PM
This is about the story, but a tip in general. Get a new intro song. No, wait, better yet! How about you take them out? They're a tad annoying. I do kinda like the new ending, though... -_-

28th August 2006, 7:38 PM
Part 2 was great!!!

28th August 2006, 10:48 PM
oooooo... deadly encounter... scaaaary...... lol @_@ dun dun dun... lol
parts I liked:

Posed by Ranger Registeel:
“I got a—“ Before he could finish he fell to ground and started to snore very loudly.

“Two please,” Misty said and fell asleep beside him.

“Pika,” It did the same.

Phoebe laughed and shrugged.

Parts that you should change or edit:

Ash breathed a sigh of relief. So did Phoebe. “Kingler, do you wanna keep battling?” Ash asked caringly. “King!” it replied with a fierce expression. Ash could tell it wanted to battle. But deep down he was worried. A nervous knot formed in his stomach. If his Pokémon got hurt, he wouldn’t forgive himself. Ash ignored the feeling.

Try not to fit all dialogues in one paragraph, even if it's not alot. It is alot easier to read. I know it's not a big huge mistake, it's still something to point out for future chapters :)

And well, that's pretty much it. :) (don't worry that's a GOOD thing!! lol ;))

Thanks so much for the fic, and for future info, just letting you know, I may not be going online for a few days if my power goes out because hurricane Ernesto is hitting Florida tomorrow (where I live) and well I'm taking precautions so... okay! GREAT FIC

Ranger Registeel
3rd September 2006, 2:03 AM
I'll try to get up a chapter before school starts (Wednesday). It won't be Chapter 5 though. I'm filling in the missing .5 chapters first. Chapter 2.5 is about Gary, Tracey and *MYSTERY TRAVELING COMPANION*. Chapter 3.5 is about Harland and Shelly in Hoenn. Chapter 4.5 is about May and Max.

3rd September 2006, 5:02 AM
AWESOME!!!!!!!! I loved it.

3rd September 2006, 7:11 AM
umm this needs some work still. for example i didn't see anything happening with the first battle i cut off at that. one thing i learnd is too describe your characters but do it so that something is happening while your character is coming alive. also flat and bland describe your characters.

description of the dusclopd made me think of a black mist with a floating eye. and phoebe when you described her my head got a picture of a girl in a white dress... this is still rushed and bland. i see no plot other thaan a basic battle frontier rip-off (i think) you still need plenty and i mean alot of improvement. i don't get the feeling you had a beta as this is pretty much the same as previous chapters.

oh and i noticed you put in a previous post
A wise person told me... Bleh to Yami Ryu! this isn't true her reviews are more informative than mine are. heck i barely spot any mistakes compared to her. sure shes mean. but that is her reviewing style and granted i tossed aside her reviews when i had a fic. but now i know to not do that ifd i ever start one again! so really don't just go and ignore what yami ryu has to say as hse is one of (if not the) best reviewer(s) on sppf.

you need plenty of improvement...

Lord Ike
9th September 2006, 10:53 PM
Yeah your story is really good Ranger Registeel but you need some work on drawing thingsout I think. You remind of my friend who always wants to start things early with ultimate power.

Ranger Registeel
12th September 2006, 10:10 PM
Pokedude101, read the rules. You can't double/triple/etc post. Delete two of your posts.
I'm working on several things right now so it will take a while.

Ranger Registeel
15th September 2006, 1:44 AM
Sorry about the yelling (to everyone except PokeDude101), I just seriously hate SPAMers.
This story will continue. I may or may not restart it.

Ranger Registeel
2nd October 2006, 3:21 PM
9/14-10/2=A month?
No it doesn't but thank you for bumping my undead thread. This story will comtinue. Eventually.

2nd October 2006, 10:59 PM
ZOMG if he didn't bump it I wouldn't have read this interesting fic. A lot of stories happening at once too. Heh, can you show your old banner of this fic, it really caught my eye. Anyway, yeah continue!

3rd October 2006, 4:32 PM
This is a good story. Keep up the good word. I give 5/5 stars.

3rd October 2006, 9:14 PM
I give 10 out of 5 stars. Keep up the good work.

3rd October 2006, 11:08 PM
I seriously don't like rating fics. Personally, I think they should take out fic rating because it doesn't matter what others thinks about your fic. Maybe it sucks, maybe it doesn't I think they shouldn't incorporate rating into it. What really matters is what you think after all.

On topic, yeah, it's great. Phoebe , Sydney and Glacia are such UU'd elites, good thing you put at least Phoebe in this fic.

Ranger Registeel
6th October 2006, 3:41 AM
Divinity 123- Glacia plays a very large role in the next arc.
Pokedud 101- You've been reported for SPAM

ground tamer
6th October 2006, 5:45 AM
This is a very good fanfic. I have only one question..

Are u going to use Koga as an Elite Four member?

6th October 2006, 6:27 AM
A rather intresting fic, and the battles and the contests are fairly well done. However, you need to work on discription, mostly when describing the enviroment around the characters. You don't have to do _ALOT_ of description for just one thing, but there should be enough to give the readers a good idea of the area the charaters are in, what they're feeling, etc.

My suggestion is when you're done with a chapter, read it once or twice to see if there's any thing you see could be improved, writen diffrently, etc. and once you're satisfied, post it.

Ranger Registeel
7th October 2006, 9:54 PM
Pokemon: Secret of the Sevii Islands' fate is decided.
The adventures of Ash, Misty, May, Brock, Max, and Drew will continue in February!
*mods, please don't lock*

Artemis Ignitan
14th October 2006, 6:53 PM
awwww maaaaaaaaan, Febuary?!

Just when things were getting good...

and where are squirtle and charizard? I know they're training, but they seriously have to learn those moves! Ash didn't even call Liza and Jenny... *sniff*

14th January 2007, 4:55 PM
sorry for spam but i just wanted to bump so the thred would not be lost in the abyss that is Serebi Fourms.