View Full Version : The Ghost Hunter

Grandmaster Chao
6th August 2006, 9:38 PM
Hi everyone! I'm here with a new fanfic. It has ghost, vampires, dead people (zombies) and Hunters. So here it is enjoy


The Ghost Hunter

The air was bitter cold. The night sky was filled with the light of the moon. A chill ran down the lost boys spine as he ran. He shivered. His shoes squelched in the mud as he ran. The path through the wood seemed to get shorter and shorter we suddenly it stopped. The boy had reached the end of the wood. In front of him stood a huge mansion. It looked run down and old. He walked slowly towards it. The boy reached out to the door handle, pushed it down and slammed it open. As he took a step into the house he heard a stick snap outside. He turned round.
“ Who’s there?” he shouted. No answer. He turned back round to face the house but there was nothing there. The house had vanished. The boy stumbled backwards and fell, hitting his head on something. He stood up slowly, only to find the house standing right in front of him. The boy’s face went completely pale. Then something grabbed him. He tried to scream but the thing covered his mouth. He was dragged into the house, the door closed and the house disappeared.


“ Go Synyster!! Use your Poison Fang on that Tangela!!” shouted Raviel. His huge, purple cobra speed towards the green, vine like creature and dug its teeth into one of the creatures vines. The thing yelped in pain. It had been poisoned. It fainted and fell to the ground.
“Good work Synyster!” said Raviel, praising his Arbok.
Raviel wore a purple sleeveless hoody, blue jeans, red trainers, and a red and black checked sweatband on his left arm. His hair was gelled up in an odd fashion, and his purple eyes shone like a beacon.
Just then, a rustle in the leaves above alerted Raviel to the presence of yet another pokemon.
“Another one, huh? Well, that just means some more experience for my Arbok. Come on out!!” he cried.
Something leapt from the branches, yet Raviel could not be sure what it was. It looked somewhat like a Ralts, however its colours were odd, and it had large bat-like wings.
“Hey Kaori, get your hyperactive, blue *** over here!!!!!!!” called out a mysterious figure. He was wearing a black jacket, black jeans, and tall brown hiking boots. His hair stuck out randomly as if he had been shocked by a rabid plusle, and something about his eyes and mouth disturbed Raviel slightly. Raviel took a step back.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Locke,” replied the boy, “and you are?”
“My name’s Raviel. I’m out hunting.” said Raviel.
“Ah very interesting. What do you specialise in?” asked Locke.
“Huh?” said Raviel, looking a bit puzzled.
“What kind of pokemon do you hunt?” asked Locke again.
“Oh. Ghost types mostly but I do like to hunt the occasional poison type.” replied Raviel.
“Ah, I like your choice in pokemon. I hunt Vampires.” said Locke with a smile on his face.
Raviel turned pale.
“Um I have to leave now. I’ll see you around ok.” he said and started to walk away.
The smile on Locke’s face grew. He turned and walked in the opposite direction.


That night, Raviel was in the forest collecting firewood when he heard a rustle in the bushes.
“What the hell! Who’s there?” he shouted. No answer. He turned round and there stood a huge mansion.
“Holy ****!!!!” he shouted as he fell to the ground in shock. He got up and walked towards it. He reached out for the doorknob when there was another rustle in the bushes, but this time he didn’t turn round. He seemed to be drawn to the mansion. Something was pulling him in, some sort of force. He walked into the mansion and the doors slammed behind him. The mansion faded away slowly and a huge ghostly face appeared in place of where it stood.

Yami Ryu
6th August 2006, 11:00 PM
http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993 <- rules :/ and guess what's also stickied like the rules, THE ADVICE THREAD. Niether were made to be ignored by newbies or to just look pretty and collect dust.

I am sick and tired- and tired and sick, of having to repeat myself over and over like a broken record to newbies like you that- instead of using common sense and seeing how everyone else is posting/formating their stories, and giving more than a half assed attempt of writing, they should do that too.

Gee. Are your brains not working or something?


You fail in the areas of description/formating/characters[both human and pokemon]/taking your time with the fic.

Instead of spending your time, elaborating on the characters, their personalities and quirks- granted its the prologue but still you could have done more than what you did!- describing the battles, the emotion in the battling- I.E pain, anger, etcetc. The attacks also that were used.

You come tralalalaling along and make one of the most bleh things that's on the forum atm :/

So shoo your lil rear over to the rules and advice thread. READ THEM- any questions post them there. It's what they were made for. THEN, come back and do more than a slakoths version of writing.

Locke Yggdrasill
7th August 2006, 8:42 AM
I like the boy's name. :p
But, yeah, so this post isn't totally worthless, just follow the above post. o-o