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Gradius
9th August 2006, 9:48 PM
Antovil is a pokemon I made up and is not to be used by any other Serebii.net user unless given permission from me through the PM. Please read and respond

Antovil is what I call the anvil pokemon. It is evolved from Nosepass, a suprise that a young scientist discovered a few years ago. That same scientist also found out the mystery of this rare and elusive pokemon, not too long ago. It all started at the univerity of Lilycove, on the banks of Lilycove city.

Professor Nicholas Turnavent had just finished his lecture on the reasons rock and ground pokemon help their world today. It was a long and tiring lecture , and the professor had to use his marill to spray a few students with water gun to keep them awake.

The professor had just started to head to his office when the chairman of the board came out of his own office and called his tired self in. Now Professor Turnavent was not normally recognized by the chairman unless under a very serious case.

"Please sit down Professor Turnavent," the chairman gestured towards one of the chairs by his desk. As soon as the professor obliged, the chairman's Eevee, Eagle, jumped right onto his lap. "Now Nicholas, as you know, the antovil's migration is coming up very soon. I hope that you will get some amazing photos for your students to study. It may be hard but I do expect you to pull through for me." The chairman's tone was a calm one, but Nicholas could just sense a trickle of fear escape from the chaiman's lips.

"Sir-," he started, but was cut off by the chairman.

"Call me Cornelius," the chairmen offered.

"All right Cornelius, is there anything wrong? You seem somewhat tense," Nicholas asked.

Cornelius let out a few chuckles and said," nothing gets by you, does it. Well you see, throughout the whole time where the Antovil will pass, humongeous thunderstorms are said to take place."

"That won't bother me Cornelius, I'm sure I'll be fine" Nicholas replied loosely.

"That's good. Be at the cliffs by 9:00 AM tomorrow morning. Everything will be set up for you ahead of time." The two stood up, which caused the chairman's eevee to jump down to the floor. It let out a yawn and walked over to its bed near the corner of the room. The two men shook hands and Professor Turnavet left. "He's a great man you know, I just hope he'll end up all right." Cornelius stated to thin air.

Nicholas laid on his back that night, unable to go to sleep. He just couldn't get the Chairman's words out of his head, and he gew more worried over the matter. He ended up wasting the rest of the day thinking the exact same thoughts. After long hours of waiting and thinking, a wild jigglypuff outside his window finally put him to sleep through its hypnotic melodies.

Nicholas woke up bright and early the next morning. Although a bit scared, he was ready to fulfill his duty. Storm clouds had already moved in before he had awoken, and the rain beat heavily upon his living room window. He drove down to the cliffs only to find the workers having trouble setting up the equipment with the high powered winds. After toiling long and hard, the equipment was finally set up. The workers bid him ado and wished him good luck before they left. After that, Professor Nicholas Tunavent waited for the first glimpse of an antovil. Almost immedietly after he looked into his binoculars, the first Antovil zoomed by.

Most people would have been suprised at the sight. Not many people knew that antovil could levitate, but Professor Nicholas was one of the few who was well aware of the knowledge. He had spent long hours reading through books on this pokemon. He knew everything except where they had gone. Many people had tried to figure it out, but no one ever returned, the only thing they knew was that they never returned south.

As the first one left, more and more followed, looking like a swarm of angry bees in flught. Many of them had their anvil like armes stretched out by using their metalic cords made of Antimony. Their arms were all pointing north like the compass that their body acted like. Unfortunetely, there was a price for finding the right direction. Antimony is a very brittle like substance, and because of the immeasurable wind speed, the cords were shredded to pieces. Those ones that lost their cords, seemingly also lost their ability to levitate and plummeted to the water below.

It was one of these antovil that the professor was trying to take a picture of. But in a terrible twist of fate, the antovil rammed into Nicholas and sent him flying off the cliff to the water.

Professor Nicholas tried dearly to save himseelf, swimming towards the beach, but the ongoing current pushed him out to sea. He fought against the waves, using all his might to stay above the water (which isn't very much let me tell you). He screamed for help, but each yell was drowned out by the sound of the crashing waves and the lightning rippling over the blue mass of destruction.

Nicholas was quickly losing strength and soon he started to sink into the water. It was just then that he saw a dark shape circle itself below him. He heard a soft rumble and everything went black.

*****

When Nicholas woke up, he found himself bathed in sunlight. "What?" he said aloud. "Where am I?" He looked around himself. From what it looked like, he was on a big blue cushiony rock in the middle of the ocean. But once he saw clearer, he found out what was realy happening.

A wailord. He was on top of a wailord's back. The wailord seeemed to have picked him up, and carried him out to sea. Ahead of him he saw a giant field of white beyond the sea. "Corunun" he muttered out. It was the continent also known as the arctic or North pole.

He then heard an unfamiliar sound from behind him. He turned around to see an antovil, ruggedly drifting forward, slowly losing altitude. Once it was right above the Wailord, it just dropped. It was terribly hurt. The impact upon the wailord scared it and it launched them both into the air. They landed hard upon the ice. The wailord then blasted them both with a water spout, sending them even further into the ice world. When the wailord had left, Nicholas watched the antovil in amazement. Its wounds (though a rock and steel type) quickly healed. It soon woke up and started to levitate. It went into its position to find a direction and was soon heading north. Intrigued, the Professor followed.

Nicholas was still unsatisfied and unsure that the Antovil was alright. So he kept a close eye on it. He followed it for miles and miles. It seemed like days had passed for Nicholas as fatigue caught on to his body, but in truth it was only a few hours.

When they finally stopped, the antovil hovered above a pole. The north magnetic pole. He was amazed. The Antovil began to glow and so did the pole. Soon the Antovil began to crack and a moment later it shattered, sendind all its pieces smashing through the ice. The professor looked away and shielded his face with his arms. When he looked up, all that was left of the antovil was a yellow/golden blob floating in the air. The professor soon realized what it was. It was the Antovil's magnetic compass. The part of its body that lets the antovil know which direction to go. The blob then spread itself out and surrounded the pole. Bright lights spread out across the ice and soon dissapeared, along with the blob.

Not too long after an ice cracker barge found the professor. They returned him home and gave him warmth from the cold that he had forgotten about because of the amazing phenomenon that he had witnessed. When he arrived back in Lilycove, he reported everything that had happened to Chairman of the board or Cornelius, including his findings on what he believed. He believed that the antovil gives its magnatism to the earth. He later proved it in another trip to the north pole.

Jetx
12th August 2006, 7:06 PM
Here are all the mistakes I spotted:


Evolved from Nosepass, a surprise that
Spelling mistake in the second sentence. Perhaps you should have read through.

It all started at the university of Lilycove
Another one in the same paragraph.

help our world today, it was a long and tiring lecture
Comma needed there.

marill to spray a few students with water gun to keep them awake
What's water gun? Did the marill spray somebody with a water gun? Or did it shoot water out of its mouth (which is clearly what you meant)? if I hadn't played or watched pokemon, I'd be clueless at what that meant. Try to describe it.

Turnavent was not normally recognized by
Spelling...

"Please sit down Prof. Turnavent,"
End speech with punctuation.

the Chairman's Eevee
Two mistakes, read through in future.

Eevee, Eagle, jumped
Needs a comma...

hard but I do expect
Grammar. Needs to be a capital 'I'.

chaiman's lips. "Sir-"
New speaker, new line. Or paragraph for that matter.

"Call me Cornelius,"
Needs to end with punctation. Once again as well... New speaker, new line.

off. "Okay Cornelius,
New speaker, new line...

anything wrong? You seem somewhat tense,"
Would be better.

, "Nothing gets by you, does it?
Lots of mistakes.

humongeous
Not a word.

"That won't bother me, Cornelius
Needs a comma AND... Don't let me say it again.

sure I'll be fine
Capitals needed.

be fine,"
Punctuation.

"That's good
Needs capitals, no space required between " and t. And once again... New speaker, new line.

9:00
Try to type out numbers, especially in speech. He'd say "nine o' clock in the morning"

Eevee jumped to the floor, let out a yawn and walked over
... Grammar...

his head; he was so
Semi-colon, the sentence had too many commas anyway.

After long hours of
Spelling again.

and thinking; a wild jigglypuff
A full stop/period looks stupid there. Bad grammar.

Nick woke up bright and early the next morning, a bit scared
Grammar.

would have been surprised
Not again... :(

followed.
full stop/period would do better.

like a swarm of angry bees all swarming
Don't use such similar words twice in one sentence.

anvil like armes
Spelt 'arms'...

Their arems
Spelt 'arms'... Again.

of the cliff and into the water
Improved.

tried dearly to save himseelf
Spelt 'himself'...

It was just the that he say a dark shape circle itself below him
WHAAAT?! That makes no sense.

"Where am I?"
Whee!

what was really happening
spelling.

A Wailord. He was on top of a wailords back
Actually makes sense now. And NEVER use smilies in fics. Blegh...

an unfamiliar sound
He studies them, how could it be unfamiliar?

from be hind him
Behind, not be hind.

Antovil was alright, so he kept a close eye on it
No full stop/period required.

When they finally stopped, the Antovil hovered above a pole.
Same as above.

shattered sending all its pieces
Spelling.

soon realized, it was the Antovil's magnetic compass
Same mistake as usual.

long after, an ice cracker
Comma needed.

It returned
It?

He later proved it in another trip to the north pole.

Such a basic sentence, not a great one to end on.

Yeah, it's an interesting story. Tons of mistakes. It got better towards the end when you began to describe things better, but I still don't know what an Antovil looks like. I don't really understand why they fly to the North Pole and commit suicide either. xp

It's original, I'll give you that. But this review took me so long to construct due to your laziness, my main piece of advice: READ THROUGH AND USE A SPELLCHECKER.

Listen to what I've said, and in your next fic thing, you will definately have improved. Trust me and don't give up. :)

PS: Don't double post either.

Gradius
20th August 2006, 2:48 AM
Sorry about all the mistakes. I really had a hard time on this type of thread. But this is my first one, I will most certainly try and do better on the next. Thank you so much for correcting the errors.

About Antovil:
Think of a lamps bottom and attach that to a cube sort of thing. Now think of ropes made of Antimony, a white brittle mettalic substance, attached to the cube with an anvil on each ones opposite end. There are two ropes protruding from either side of the cube. On the top of the cube is a neck with a second smaller cube. There are triangular holes in the front face of the cube. Two of them serve as eyes and the other on serves as a mouth. There are spikes protruding from the head cube. Remember that the entire body (except the ropes) are maade of rock.

Other info asked for: Antovil fly to the north pole when they are old and about to die. When the reach there, they give up the rest of their strength and crumble giving the earth its magnatism. So really they aren't commiting suicide. Thanks for posting! And get set for my next piece.

onthepunt
21st August 2006, 12:11 AM
this is a thread worthy of the hall of fame!

Gradius
21st August 2006, 12:25 AM
I don't know what to say other than thank you, I mean seriously, I am awstruck, I didn't think anyone would really like it. All I can say is THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO MUCH, onthepunt.

Oh, and I was just wondering what you might think of my next piece, about a pokemon called Leafurrule. It also has to do with its pre evos Furute and Trunke. It will come soon. It is about a war between one rocket executive and A LOT of grass pokemon.

Emerald Charizard
22nd August 2006, 6:01 PM
yea it is good

Gradius
3rd September 2006, 4:43 PM
Thanks to my beta-reader Feriowind, the amazing artist. I have edited the story.

LugiaRules
4th September 2006, 5:10 AM
I don't know what to say other than thank you, I mean seriously, I am awstruck, I didn't think anyone would really like it..

What are you talking about? This fic is great!!!!!!!!