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pokeaidmissy
11th August 2006, 3:11 AM
For those who watched the 10th Anniverary Pokemon Special: 'The Mastermind of Mirage Pokemon', I think we were all disappointed. Yes, the story was good, an extra villian added a new twist, and of course we got a good look at Porfessor Oak's Dragonite (who ever knew he had one?) But, quite frank, what made the show really suck was so: WHAT THE POKEMON DID THEY DO TO THE CHARACTERS?!
I mean, come on, we all were mad about that, were we not? For those who don't know, the producers changed the cast to put more money in their pockets. They were so blinded by money, they even call the new cast a 'sound alike'. Point blank: they were crazy. The new cast didn't even ACT like the old cast. It was an embarrestment to the good name of Pokemon and those who love and enjoy it.
In this fanfic, I'm writing from the point of view of from the old cast. From the cast we all know and love. This is how I believe the cast would have reacted and felt aboutbeing replaced.
Its my first fanfic, so please have mercy on me if you are reveiwing.


PART ONE OF: REPLACED
'THE LETTER HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD'

The morning in the Creulean Gym....

"What..?" said Misty, in a voice that was alittle over a whisper.
Her eyes widened at the letter that she had recieved that morning at her Gym. She felt the color drain from her face as she re-read the letter, which was in her left hand. Her right hand hung limply at her side, as it dropped the envelope that had contained the letter. The envelope landed on the head of her Azurill.
"Azurill?" said the baby Pokemon, looking up at its Trainer, causing the envelope to land on the floor.
Misty looked down at the Pokemon.
"I'm being replaced, "she said in a tight voice, as a tear rolled down her cheek.


Meanwhile, at the Petalburgh Gym....
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE DOING THIS!" cried May, as she tossed up the letter she had been holding, angry tears running down her face.
"It can't be happening!" wailed Max, as he grabbed the letter before it hit the ground and read it for the tenth time.
"It just can't be!" His face was the color of paper.
"How could they just replace us like this?" cried May, who was storming about.

And the Pewter City Gym.....
"WHAT?!" shouted Brock, as he dropped and shattered a glass bowl that he had been mixing muffin batter in (the muffin batter was also splattered evrywhere) for himself and his family's breakfast.
His little brother, who was sitting in the countertop reading a letter to him, shrugged with a puzzeled expression and handed him the letter.
"Well, that's what it says...." he mummered, as Brock accepted the letter from him, his jaw dropped.
Brock re-read the letter to himself.
"T-They're replacing me...." he muttered in a shocked whisper, which was horse from his shout.

This is the beginning of part one, there is three more to go, but what did you guys think? I'm hoping to get the other parts in by tomorrow. If there is anything to be fixed, please tell me. Also, if you liked it, I can put youin it.I'm putting some other characters in the last chaper, so just ask and I can save you a script. =]
If your interested, either tell me in the forum or e-mail me on here. I'll be using your user name, so don't worry about a name. Also, tell me your favorite character from the special, that'll help me write the fic easier.
As said, the rest will be put on tomorrow, so good night!

Yami Ryu
11th August 2006, 3:24 AM
God it's one thing to whine about VA's in a sig, make a club about it, make a survey or whatever BUT COME ON everyone was WHINING AT THE BEGINING ABOUT EVERYONES VOICES- and to be honest watching that so called horrid movie, the only thing I found annoying was the plot. And Max sounding like he was 56 or something but he doesn't sound so great in the anime before that.

And so let me get this straight;


PART ONE OF: REPLACED
'THE LETTER HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD'

The morning in the Creulean Gym....

"What..?" said Misty, in a voice that was alittle over a whisper.
Her eyes widened at the letter that she had recieved that morning at her Gym. She felt the color drain from her face as she re-read the letter, which was in her left hand. Her right hand hung limply at her side, as it dropped the envelope that had contained the letter. The envelope landed on the head of her Azurill.
"Azurill?" said the baby Pokemon, looking up at its Trainer, causing the envelope to land on the floor.
Misty looked down at the Pokemon.
"I'm being replaced, "she said in a tight voice, as a tear rolled down her cheek.


Meanwhile, at the Petalburgh Gym....
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE DOING THIS!" cried May, as she tossed up the letter she had been holding, angry tears running down her face.
"It can't be happening!" wailed Max, as he grabbed the letter before it hit the ground and read it for the tenth time.
"It just can't be!" His face was the color of paper.
"How could they just replace us like this?" cried May, who was storming about.

And the Pewter City Gym.....
"WHAT?!" shouted Brock, as he dropped and shattered a glass bowl that he had been mixing muffin batter in (the muffin batter was also splattered evrywhere) for himself and his family's breakfast.
His little brother, who was sitting in the countertop reading a letter to him, shrugged with a puzzeled expression and handed him the letter.
"Well, that's what it says...." he mummered, as Brock accepted the letter from him, his jaw dropped.
Brock re-read the letter to himself.
"T-They're replacing me...." he muttered in a shocked whisper, which was horse from his shout.

This poorly written out, described, and thought out 'chapter' is barely what, five paragraphs long.

FIRST FANFIC OR NOT YOU FAIL :/

http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19 <- this is the advice. Which you need to have beaten over your head.

http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993 <- these are the rules, which you should have read :/

So take your VA obsessed *** over to those stickies and read them before you spout more fan obsessed drivel, seriously. :/ I am getting sick and tired of this VA whine fest, and I would rather like to see it NOT come into the fanfic section, and if it does at all, I would rather it NOT be some half assed thing I bet you wrote up in the reply box.

Jonouchi
11th August 2006, 4:00 AM
First off, make it a little longer.

A few paragraphs isn't going to tell us much about the story.

Second, Description...There's not enough. You don't tell us what the characters or what the places look like. You need to tell us that don't know.

Third, it's getting annoying that people are STILL complaining. It's getting fixed! And they didn't replace the characters, they're replacing the voices. And with recent news, THEY. WILL. GET. BETTER.

sheesh....

I also don't exactly know how this could succeed, but take the advice given and improve. I suggest reading both the Rules and the Advice for Aspiring Authors, both which are stickied in this forum. Shouldn't be that hard to find.

That's all

Chaotic Rukario
11th August 2006, 9:57 AM
For those who watched the 10th Anniverary Pokemon Special: 'The Mastermind of Mirage Pokemon', I think we were all disappointed. Yes, the story was good, an extra villian added a new twist, and of course we got a good look at Porfessor Oak's Dragonite (who ever knew he had one?) But, quite frank, what made the show really suck was so: WHAT THE POKEMON DID THEY DO TO THE CHARACTERS?!
I mean, come on, we all were mad about that, were we not? For those who don't know, the producers changed the cast to put more money in their pockets. They were so blinded by money, they even call the new cast a 'sound alike'. Point blank: they were crazy. The new cast didn't even ACT like the old cast. It was an embarrestment to the good name of Pokemon and those who love and enjoy it.
In this fanfic, I'm writing from the point of view of from the old cast. From the cast we all know and love. This is how I believe the cast would have reacted and felt aboutbeing replaced.

Hasn't it been stated by some of the cast that they cant do the voices for 2 years because of their contract with 4kids, it forbids them to do any work with the pokemon anime or something along those lines for 2 year... i think i read it on ANN (anime news network)...

chrisivy
11th August 2006, 9:09 PM
First off, make it a little longer.

A few paragraphs isn't going to tell us much about the story.

Second, Description...There's not enough. You don't tell us what the characters or what the places look like. You need to tell us that don't know.

Third, it's getting annoying that people are STILL complaining. It's getting fixed! And they didn't replace the characters, they're replacing the voices. And with recent news, THEY. WILL. GET. BETTER.

sheesh....

I also don't exactly know how this could succeed, but take the advice given and improve. I suggest reading both the Rules and the Advice for Aspiring Authors, both which are stickied in this forum. Shouldn't be that hard to find.

That's all

I agree. Try making this longer.

pokeaidmissy
12th August 2006, 1:07 AM
Yeah, I know it needs to be longer, but it was late and the other parts were longer, and so I thought I would just type in half in to start. As for rules in general, yeah, I really don't like to follow them. ^_~. As for 'sick of the whining', since when did I ask for your opinion for a story line? I don't mind critism, but please, no foul language. About details, working on it. I didn't want to waste my time writing details on characters everyone knows, though I will imporve that. Ryuu, I fail huh? Well, aren't you just a nice fortune cookie. For those who 'somewhat' likes it, the ending of part one will be in tomorrow.

Yami Ryu
12th August 2006, 1:23 AM
Yeah, I know it needs to be longer, but it was late and the other parts were longer, and so I thought I would just type in half in to start.

No excuse- late or not. And there's a rule against only posting part of a chapter. And this is why- 5 paragraphs is not a chapter. It's maybe a long prologue, but definately not a chapter.

If it's too late- guess what, you save it for later and WRITE SOME MORE WHEN YOU CAN THINK. And something makes me think you really did write this up in the reply box >.>



As for rules in general, yeah, I really don't like to follow them. ^_~.

Well aren't you a rebel. And a stupid one at that :/ You're not above the rules, not even the mods are. So why don't you lower yourself to following them.


As for 'sick of the whining', since when did I ask for your opinion for a story line?

Since you made this story and did a little diddy- aka the rant before hand about why you made the story.



I don't mind critism, but please, no foul language.

Well technically if it's not altarisked/* out, it's not really a foul word :3



About details, working on it. I didn't want to waste my time writing details on characters everyone knows, though I will imporve that.

Well then you're not gonna get far writing- because if everyone wrote that way no one would know what anything looked like. Sure I know what Ash and co look like- only because I've been watching the anime again since nothing else is on. But not everyone watches the anime, or they might not have seen it for awhile and etc.


Ryuu, I fail huh? Well, aren't you just a nice fortune cookie.

Well since my last name on the forum isn't Ryuu and my nick isn't that either, your sarcasm fails to hit me.


For those who 'somewhat' likes it, the ending of part one will be in tomorrow.

Just a question: Is it going to be an improvement and follow the rules? :3

chrisivy
12th August 2006, 3:50 AM
Just do your best that's all. Yami Ryu is trying to make you better, listen for once. Follow the rules.

Clare
12th August 2006, 4:39 PM
Try taking Yami Ryu's advice - it'll help you write something that is actually worth reading, as opposed to something that looks as though it's been dashed off in five minutes.

pokeaidmissy
15th August 2006, 3:55 AM
'Dashed off in 5 minutes' ?! Ouch, that hurt. I actually worked hard on this. I'm taking everyone's advice and redoing the 2nd part. So far, in my opinion, it is alot longer and better detailed. I read the wrong rules (which explains alot, huh?^_^) I apolgize and I promise to do better. I also ask that no one else flames me until the second piece, please. Flame me then! ^_^. I promise to follow every rule to do better. Thanks for your common sense and patience. Part 2 will be better, I promise! I should get it in soon.

HarleyScarow
15th August 2006, 4:15 AM
Let me rewrite this for you, alright? I'm the rewriter, NOT the critic.









PART ONE OF: REPLACED
'THE LETTER HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD'

The morning in the Cerulean Gym....

"What..?" said Misty, in a voice that was alittle over a whisper. Her eyes widened at the letter that she had recieved that morning at her Gym. She felt the color drain from her face as she re-read the letter, which was in her left hand. Her right hand hung limply at her side, as it dropped the envelope that had contained the letter.

The envelope landed on the head of her Azurill. "Azurill?" said the baby Pokemon, looking up at its Trainer, causing the envelope to land on the floor.
Misty looked down at the Pokemon.

"I'm being replaced, "she said in a tight voice, as a tear rolled down her cheek.





* * *




Meanwhile, at the Petalburg Gym....

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE DOING THIS!" cried May, as she tossed up the letter she had been holding, angry tears running down her face.

"It can't be happening!" wailed Max, as he grabbed the letter before it hit the ground and read it for the tenth time.

"It just can't be!" His face was the color of paper.

"How could they just replace us like this?" cried May, who was storming about.





* * *




And the Pewter City Gym.....

"WHAT?!" shouted Brock, as he dropped and shattered a glass bowl that he had been mixing muffin batter in (the muffin batter was also splattered evrywhere) for himself and his family's breakfast.

His little brother, who was sitting in the countertop reading a letter to him, shrugged with a puzzeled expression and handed him the letter.

"Well, that's what it says...." he mummered, as Brock accepted the letter from him, his jaw dropped.

Brock re-read the letter to himself.

"T-They're replacing me...." he muttered in a shocked whisper, which was horse from his shout.

Astinus
15th August 2006, 12:02 PM
I'm doing this backwards, because I can. And I am going to do this from the rewrite. Because there are still problems.


"T-They're replacing me...." he muttered in a shocked whisper, which was horse from his shout.

So is Brock muttering? Or whispering in a shocked way? And it's kind of hard for a throat to be "horse". You mean "hoarse".


"Well, that's what it says...." he mummered, as Brock accepted the letter from him, his jaw dropped.


"Mummered" should be "murmured". And the comma after "murmured" should be a full stop.


His little brother, who was sitting in the countertop reading a letter to him, shrugged with a puzzeled expression and handed him the letter.


Rather difficult to sit "in" a countertop. Should be "on". And the way that reads now, it makes it seem as if "little brother" is reading it to Brock. I mean, Brock has squinty eyes, but he's not blind. "Puzzeled" should be "puzzled".


"WHAT?!" shouted Brock, as he dropped and shattered a glass bowl that he had been mixing muffin batter in (the muffin batter was also splattered evrywhere) for himself and his family's breakfast.


Here's a better way to write that:

"What?" Brock shouted. He dropped a glass bowl. It shattered, splattering muffin batter onto the walls of the kitchen. He was mixing it for his family's breakfast.
No random parenthesis, no run-on sentences.


And the Pewter City Gym.....


And the Pewter City Gym...did what? That is an incomplete sentence. And why four periods? Only three are needed.


"I'm being replaced, "she said in a tight voice, as a tear rolled down her cheek.


Your space is in the wrong place. Should be after the quotation marks. I'm rather iffy at the "tight voice".


"Azurill?" said the baby Pokemon, looking up at its Trainer, causing the envelope to land on the floor.


"Trainer" should not be capitalised.


"What..?" said Misty, in a voice that was alittle over a whisper.

You don't need the two random full stops before the question mark. And "alittle" is two words: "a little".


The morning in the Cerulean Gym....


"The morning" would be better as "Morningtime at"; "It was morning at the Cerulean City Gym." The way it is written now, "morning" is litteraly "in Cerulean Gym".

Now onto the plot line. I would like to see what you could replace characters with. Boxes? Marionettes? Voice actors, yes. Characters, no.

No excuse for not reading the rules before posting. And what do you mean "wrong rules"? Didn't you question why the rules you were reading before did not apply to fanfiction? Oi...

If you worked hard on this, there wouldn't be so much...white-space. More description of the characters and the setting would be great. I myself know that Brock has squinty eyes, as I pointed out in this review, but my grandma wouldn't know that.


But, quite frank, what made the show really suck was so: WHAT THE POKEMON DID THEY DO TO THE CHARACTERS?!
I mean, come on, we all were mad about that, were we not? For those who don't know, the producers changed the cast to put more money in their pockets. They were so blinded by money, they even call the new cast a 'sound alike'. Point blank: they were crazy. The new cast didn't even ACT like the old cast. It was an embarrestment to the good name of Pokemon and those who love and enjoy it.

- "What the Pokemon?" There's a phrase for you.
- The producers changed the cast due to a contract. Get it straight. Pokémon USA wasn't blinded by money. They just wanted voices that weren't under contract with 4Kids. Besides, the old voice actors blasted PUSA.
- I wasn't embarrased about the new voices. I thought they did a fine job for roles they didn't have two years to get used to. Give them time. Or what...? Could you do Ash right now, the same way Taylor did?
- Don't assume about your audience. Not everyone was mad about the VA change. Don't put words in our mouths.


I also ask that no one else flames me until the second piece, please.

Point out a flame? All that is here is advice. Use it to improve.

Might I also suggest getting a real title for your fic? "My first fic..." shows some lazyness on your part, as you couldn't come up with a real title...