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Praxiteles
12th August 2006, 10:27 AM
I decided to try something I hadn't in a while. And for good reason, seeing as my last stab at it ended with a mess... I think this one isn't half as bad.

So, here goes my first full work of poetry since my literary reform:






Sprites of Ice and Flame



There was an age which knew no name,
Where winds ran free with naught to rue.
Though avians they char’otest shed but tears,
Skiey brooks of wind felt no fear.
So merc’less was the war ensued,
Did flee the young, the old, the lame;
Thus fought the sprites of ice and flame.

Too many lives did the war claim,
Too many slow-healing wounds laid.
The wounded earth did spew forth noxious blood
Whose red-hot embers sparked a fiery flood.
Forests felled, their flaming limbs flayed
Showed a wrath completely untamed;
Thus fought the sprites of ice and flame.

The soil did play a deadly game
Spasmodically to and fro,
While the dazzling glow of ages gone past
Goaded still glass to unleash a blast.
Nor beast nor fish could ever grow,
So vilely the land was maimed;
Thus fought the sprites of ice and flame.

Water no longer calm or tame,
Life liquid now a deadly force.
Ravaging tsunamis, torrents of death,
Chaotic flows of sweeping breadth,
Divine forces with no remorse;
Just run! This is no time for blame;
Thus fought the sprites of ice and flame.

Dark, deadly, icy were the frames
Encasing all with the heat-leech;
A commotion of ashen, frozen drafts –
Unappealing were their venomous crafts –
Ev’ry barrier did they breach.
A barrage of dead frost aflame;
Thus fought the sprites of ice and flame.

Very little the war became;
The chaos never seemed to change,
But what once was must someday end; the calm
‘Fore storms, vice versa, ad infinitum
Would always be; to hold the fringe,
Tide it out is a well-played game;
So’d be the sprites of ice and flame.

A sentinel from home unnamed
Entombed the battlers in their cage;
The inferno in his oozing hot sepulchre,
The whirlpool in a sub-oceanic slumber;
And safeguarded all from their rage.
At last, their epic wrath was tamed;
No longer fought the ice and flame.




Yes, I notice how tiny it is... See if you can work out what it's about, however obvious it might be.

EDIT: I'll give a cookie to whoever figures out the rhyme scheme. Just put it in spoilers.

Zephyr Soul
13th August 2006, 12:05 AM
O.O I dont normally read poetry, but your name kinda catches the eye. XD

It was... in short, very good. O.O Kinda long too, sort of. :D I like long things... and tons of words I don't have much of an idea that they are. XD That's okay cause they sound cool. :P

Sorry for the short review... I specialize in telling what to improve on. XD I don't anything for this one. :)

SnoringFrog
13th August 2006, 2:38 AM
Very nice, good flow, and the rhyme scheme was interesting I'm a poet myself, although the majority of my poems are free verse, seeing as how my rhymes always seem to come out too forced for my tastes.

At first I wasn't sure how this was about Pokémon, but then I realized it's about Kyogre and Groudon. The only problem with that is that Groudon it ground-type, but other than that, it was beautiful.

Arcanine Royale
13th August 2006, 2:56 AM
Nice poem, Pyroken.



A
B
C
C
B
A



I'm pretty sure that is what you mean. I like the rhyme scheme, and the word choices were excellent.

Not much of anything to say about problems, I couldn't find any.

I'm thinking its Groudon and Kyrogue as well.

Praxiteles
13th August 2006, 5:14 AM
Reviewers!

Zephyr Soul:


Sorry for the short review... I specialize in telling what to improve on. XD I don't anything for this one.

I never thought I'd see the day a reviewer didn't have any criticism. Maybe I really have improved....


Kinda long too, sort of.

Well, that's nice to know. It looks like I've overcome the Size Plague.

In any case, thanks for the review and the kind words.

Snoring Frog:


Very nice, good flow, and the rhyme scheme was interesting

Really? It's practically my first work of poetry. Interesting.


The only problem with that is that Groudon it ground-type

And I believe Kyogre is primarily Water-type. I did the inaccuracies to make it more abstract.

BTW, I believe you get a cookie for figuring out the rhyme scheme. *throws blue, noxious, Kyogre-shaped cookies at Snoring Frog*

Arcanine Royale:

You get a cookie! Your guess is correct.


I'm thinking its Groudon and Kyrogue as well.

As I already implied, you're correct.

Sike Saner
14th August 2006, 3:02 AM
Damn, nice work here. I just loved the language used here and some of the images conveyed: burning forests, ravaging tsunamis, and other awesome forces of nature, nicely illustrated. Yummm. ^^

I guessed quickly enough that this was about the clash between Groudon and Kyogre, and the very last part of the poem pretty much confirmed it for me, with the two of them sent into seclusion and suspension. I'm glad the rhyme scheme was already identified in this thread - I never would have guessed in on my own, since admittingly I don't know diddly-squat about poetry... ^^;

Favorite part:



Too many lives did the war claim,
Too many slow-healing wounds laid.
The wounded earth did spew forth noxious blood
Whose red-hot embers sparked a fiery flood.
Forests felled, their flaming limbs flayed
Showed a wrath completely untamed;
Thus fought the sprites of ice and flame.


Again, boss work on this poem here. ^^

Praxiteles
16th August 2006, 5:31 AM
Sike Saner:

Thanks for the compliments! Oh, I'd never forget myself if I disgraced Nature, of all things, with my writing. Especially with a war this epic.


I never would have guessed in on my own, since admittingly I don't know diddly-squat about poetry... ^^;

Oh, don't worry XD; I knew little more than you when I started the first stanza.

Though, tell me, why was the second stanza your favourite part? I did like the alliteration in the third-last line, but what did you like about it?

Sike Saner
16th August 2006, 6:47 PM
I never really thought too deliberately about liking it (as in, I didn't try or decide to like it XP), so I never really had cause to analyze why. Best I can figure is that it had something to do with the fact that therein were just some particularly stirring images of nature's fury - the burning forests, the erupting magma, etc.