View Full Version : Lily and Iris: Revised

16th August 2006, 1:46 AM
*Ash narrative*
Walk walk walk. That's all we've been doing. I was getting a bit tired, and it was a blazing hot day plus it was noon. Even the dirt path through the forest was hot. Unfortunetly, it was a day without a single breeze. You'd think I would have gotten used to it as a trainer.

Finally, I said,"Brock, it's lunch time, we're all hot, sweaty and tired so why don't we sit down for lunch and rest?"

"Please Brock? Max and I could do for a rest and have our Pokemon out." May asked.

"Ok, ok. I'll make chilled cucumber soup, May and Max collect water, and Ash get some logs to sit on." Brock ordered.

May let her Squitle out to use water gun for water. I went with Pikachu to go find a log.

When we finally found a tree that had fallen recently, I told Pikachu to use Iron Tail so we could have some logs. Septile helped me carry them to Brock.

The forest had many vines, so I thought that Apom would like to swing on them. After I let him out, I let him swing on the vines.

The crossroads of the road were pretty sharp, and trees prevented me from seeing anyone walking around.

As we were in the middle of our soup, someone walking from a crossroad came, and then asked,"Where is the next Pokemon contest?"

She was a tall, thin girl about May's hight, and she was pretty. Her largish eyes were hazel with bits of blue and green visible, a nice pretty nose, a bit paler complexion than May's, but not to pale, long dark brown hair going to mid back, a plain red bandana folded in half to become a triangle with the point going down her hair, a locket in the shape of a circle with vines and flowers disigned into it in her apperance. He clothes were a pink tank top with a small flower in the center up top with mainly pink, a bit of white and green with pink sequence. Her long tan pants with two pockets seemed unsuitable for the weather, yet she looked fine. Her sneakers were white with blue soles for long walks. She had a dark green backpack and a belt containing her Pokeballs.

"We're headed there. We're just stopping for lunch." May answered.

"Could you tell me how to get there?" she asked.

May started explaining how to go when, I said,"Why don't you just come with us? It's really complacated."

"Since it's safer and harder to get lost, yes. My name is Lily, by the way." she said.

"Do you want to battle?" I asked, really pumped up at the idea of an opponent. I was begining to get rusty due to lack of opponents, and I wanted to be ready for the next Gym Leader.

"Alright, but I warn you, I'm better than I look." Lily answered.

"But, guys, how can you battle? There isn't much space." Max pointed out.

"Swello, go find a clearing for a battle!" I ordered as it finished lunch.

We waited while it looked for an arena, until Swello came back and shook it's head.

"It couldn't find an arena." Lily said.

"How do you know?" asked Brock.

"Well, it was shaking its head and said so." Lily answered.

We finally got on our way, and did so with a new friend and travler with us. One who could, appently, speak Pokemon.

16th August 2006, 1:52 AM
It's terrible formating makes it nearly unreadable.

Plus it's better to "show" rather then "tell", but fixing the formating is more important.

Haruhi Suzumiya
16th August 2006, 5:50 AM
I can't read anything, which automatically infers you should start paragraphing.

16th August 2006, 12:12 PM
Boring story. There's nothing else to say.

16th August 2006, 6:14 PM
Just to say, I thought this was ok seeing as I'm 12. But I'll take your word for it and edit.

16th August 2006, 6:45 PM
Just wondering, how do you get a banner?

Zephyr Flare
16th August 2006, 7:02 PM
Your last post was spam. For our sakes, go read Advice for Aspiring Authors, it's there for a reason.