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Dragonfree
11th December 2004, 12:25 AM
(A/N: This is a parody of bad Pokémon fics that also includes flat-out ranting that's not exactly humourous. The first chapter should be read to have a basic understanding of the concept, but otherwise the chapters aren't very linked to each other so you should be fine skipping some if you feel like it.)



Chapter 1


Once upon a time, there was a girl.

All of a sudden, she started to exist. She didn't know how or why; she just did. All around her was darkness. She herself was merely a spirit.

She was twelve years old.

She felt herself grow a body; the body of a young girl. Or well, more like a black, misty shape that would vaguely remind the viewer of a young girl.

She had flaming red hair

“AHHH! IT BURNS!!!” she screamed as her hair blazed up in fire. Thankfully it died down after a second, to be replaced with normal, red hair with an unknown haircut.

and dazzling green eyes

She blinked a few times with her new eyes. At least she wouldn’t appear like just as much of a freak now as she had just a minute earlier.

and her name was Ashley Ketchum Waterflower.

“Oh, no, please, not that name,” Ashley groaned. But this was the author's will.

Her parents were Ash Ketchum, 36, and Misty Waterflower, 32.

Memories started coming to Ashley, of her father and mother. Misty had been sent into space where time passes slower, which was why Ash was now four years older than her while he had been two years younger when they were kids.

It was now her birthday and she was really excited because she would now be getting her first Pokémon.

Ashley felt an unexplainable feeling of excitement. She'd be getting a Pokémon! From the memories she had just earned, she had looked forward to this day for her whole life.

Her father took her to his lab

She found herself in a very dark place. It was some kind of a laboratory, but everything was shrouded in shadow so that the details were impossible to make out. She saw her father, or at least what she assumed was him since it was so dark, standing near her. The place was way too depressing for the unnatural, jumpy feeling in her stomach.

and handed her a Pokéball.

Ash, or at least his shadow, gave her a small sphere. She couldn’t see it in the dark, so she just took it.

“This is Articuno,” he said. “Use it wisely.”

Ashley gave him a strange look. “Dad,” she said unsurely, “isn’t Articuno a Legendary Pokémon?”

“Of course it is,” he replied. “But what wouldn’t I do for my lovely little Mary-Sue of a daughter?”

She shrugged.

“Thanks, Dad,” Ashley said and went out of the lab.

She felt a bit guilty about leaving her parents without even saying goodbye, but again, it was the author’s will. There was nothing at all outside except black. Then she felt herself fade away.

-------

She reappeared in some kind of a room. Unlike the darkish surroundings she had been in earlier, this one was filled with light and warmth. It was rather plain – just white walls, white floor and white ceiling with a fire burning merrily in a fireplace at the end – but to her delight, she found a crowd of girls there.

Some of them looked fine, but unfortunately a lot of them were just shadows like her. Many weren’t even lucky enough to have hair or eyes at all.

“Hey, you new?” came a girl from behind her. She looked about fourteen years old and wore a yellow T-shirt with a Pokéball on the front and black pants.

“Yeah,” said Ashley thankfully. “What place is this?”

“It’s the Pokémon Fanfiction Character Camp,” the girl explained swiping a strand of her dark blue hair out of her bright green eyes. “The girls’ house, to be exact. My name is Abby.”

“I’m Ashley,” she replied, blushing.

“Uh huh,” said Abby, raising her eyebrows. “Ash and Misty’s daughter, I assume?”

“Yeah,” Ashley sighed.

“Now…” Abby ran her eyes around Ashley’s shadowed body, “I can tell from a mile away that your author is bad, but just how bad? How long was your first chapter?”

“Well,” Ashley muttered, “ten sentences, including the ‘Chapter 1’ at the top.”

Abby shook her head. “Really bad,” she said.

“I envy you, you’re at least described properly,” Ashley said miserably. “How long have you been here?”

“Actually…” Abby leant closer to Ashley and whispered, “I’m not technically even here yet.”

“What do you mean?” asked Ashley, confused.

“Well, you see, I’m still in my first chapter. My author is writing a fic about us right now.”

“Really?” Ashley asked, her eyes wide. “You mean we have the same author?”

“Well, see… your author is a character of mine’s, if you get what I mean.”

Ashley shrugged. She didn’t exactly get it, but she felt that Abby would never be able to fully explain it to her.

“Anyway,” Abby changed the subject, “that’s how I know all this stuff about this place. My author made me know it.” She winked. “If you’re wondering about something, just ask.”

“All right…” Ashley thought for a second. “What will happen tomorrow?”

“Your second chapter will be written,” said Abby. “In your author’s world, many days may pass, or even just hours, but here it’s always one day. When you wake up tomorrow, you’ll be in your fic.”

“Oh man,” Ashley groaned. Abby giggled.

“Well, I assure you that you’re not the worst one off here. Tonight you’ll get to hear some stories, and by the time you get to bed, you’re going to feel very, very thankful for your author.”

Ashley had the feeling that she had been born into a world of pain.

Chibi Pika
11th December 2004, 12:37 AM
I just read your preview in the Author's Cafe, like a minute ago, lol.
Yay! This was exactly what I was expecting. This is a really cool idea, and I sure haven't seen it before...unless you count one by Clare where an author gets zapped into his fic and sees first-hand how bad it is. Very nice, I like how this turns the concept of badly written characters and turns it into a story in itself. Keep it up, Dragonfree!

~Chibi~;249;

indigestible_wad
11th December 2004, 12:45 AM
I like this, it shows us our faults, in a story type package.

Dragonfree
11th December 2004, 1:16 AM
Heh, thanks. Expect chapter two pretty soon, because I've been getting motivation for it all day...

indigestible_wad
11th December 2004, 2:54 AM
Yeah, that happens when you start something new.

Ladyumbra
11th December 2004, 2:58 AM
*mock glares* breezy how could you now i have to compete with the breezyness for teaching. This is still a great fic and i foresee many reviewes and good chappies. best of luck

Edit: OMG sorry Dragonfree i can't beilve i called you breezy *dies*

Tezza
11th December 2004, 3:11 AM
Hehehe! Oh that's excellent, it reminds me of the first part of the bible! "Let there be Sue!" Oh I love parodies, definetly adding this to my must read list!

Breezy
11th December 2004, 3:15 AM
Er Umbra, you know Dragonfree wrote this right? =/ ^_^; Breezy never wrote a parody besides Hoenn Poems whatever happened to it.

Trust me, I could never write a parody this wonderful either.

Anyways, great satire/parody (wrong terms but too lazy to remember which one it is) Dragonfree, I love the explanation of Misty being younger then Ash. ^_^ I love it!

Yeah, crappy review, I'm on break . . . agin *sighs*. Besides, you really don't need to work on much grammar/description/spelling wise and you have pretty good sentence variety so meh.

Hope you update soon!

LaTeR dAyZ!

Dragonfree
11th December 2004, 3:23 AM
Er Umbra, you know Dragonfree wrote this right? =/ ^_^; Breezy never wrote a parody besides Hoenn Poems whatever happened to it.

Trust me, I could never write a parody this wonderful either.

Anyways, great satire/parody (wrong terms but too lazy to remember which one it is) Dragonfree, I love the explanation of Misty being younger then Ash. ^_^ I love it!

Yeah, crappy review, I'm on break . . . agin *sighs*. Besides, you really don't need to work on much grammar/description/spelling wise and you have pretty good sentence variety so meh.

Hope you update soon!

LaTeR dAyZ!

o.O For whatever reason, that gave me a Deja Vu. I'm so POSITIVE I've dreamt this post sometime. It happens a lot; I read a post and am sure I read it before... @_@ But really, especially the sentence "I love the explanation of Misty being younger than Ash"... I SWEAR I read it a while ago.

Or am I just finally going crazy?

Breezy
11th December 2004, 3:31 AM
o.O For whatever reason, that gave me a Deja Vu. I'm so POSITIVE I've dreamt this post sometime. It happens a lot; I read a post and am sure I read it before... @_@ But really, especially the sentence "I love the explanation of Misty being younger than Ash"... I SWEAR I read it a while ago.

Or am I just finally going crazy?Either you can predict the future or you are crazy. =P

'Course I repeat myself. I should just write one review and copy and paste it on some of the fics that need help haha.

Indigo
11th December 2004, 3:36 AM
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Dragonfree, that was so great! I love your explanation and just the...idea. Very clever.

For a prologue, this was interestingly short, but that works. Bah, everything about your writing works for me. I love it.

Expect me to read this and post after every chapter. It's the least I can do after you being such a loyal reviewer of my own fic.

Again, awesome job, and I can't wait to see more!

~Ind

Oh, and here's a little something...;123;

Go ahead, grab it. :p

cold_katanagirl
11th December 2004, 4:16 AM
Her parents were Ash Ketchum, 36, and Misty Waterflower, 32.

Memories started coming to Ashley, of her father and mother. Misty had been sent into space where time passes slower, which was why Ash was now four years older than her while he had been two years younger when they were kids.

I just busted out laughing at that, seriously. ^_^

I thought this was funny! It seems a lot like some of the fics out there really. I can't wait for chapter two!


o.O For whatever reason, that gave me a Deja Vu. I'm so POSITIVE I've dreamt this post sometime. It happens a lot; I read a post and am sure I read it before... @_@ But really, especially the sentence "I love the explanation of Misty being younger than Ash"... I SWEAR I read it a while ago.

Or am I just finally going crazy?

I do that a lot too. I've even had a dream where two friends of mine started going out, and it happened the next day EXACTLY how I dreamed it.

Weird. 0_o

Dragonfree
11th December 2004, 4:19 AM
*grabs Scyther* FWEE! :D

Heh, I get a lot of Deja Vu experiences. It feels like it was a dream rather than real. Actually it feels like I remembered it just after I woke up, but then forgot it again or something...

I know that I did predict the future once in a dream. It was slightly inaccurate, because the dream had a mouse but the real thing had a hamster, but the main thing was the same: small rodent crawling between my fingers. And I definitely dreamt that one, because I remembered it well after I woke up...

Charsel
11th December 2004, 6:07 AM
that was one of the most smartest things ive ever read on this site!! it is great, and i should recomend this too all the new writers, it is a must, IMO

there was nothin wrong that i could find, and just the way you write is sooooooooooooooooooo sensational! its as if youre a best seller author or somin!! i bow down to thee
expecting more (or else!! lol)
;004;

The Trainer
11th December 2004, 6:13 PM
This fic is a great, because you show new comers like me:


1) How to write a good fic(Your writing is excellent)

2) And how to write a bad fic(The way you've written it clearly shows how the author in the sory is writing the suckiest fic ever)

I thank you. If I ever write a fic, you've shown me how to make a good one.

Ash_Junior
12th December 2004, 7:20 AM
lol...

I KNOW I've seen the first three sentences of the bold print in at least four different fics (except for the name, of course)...:D

great fic, Dragonfree, keep it up!

Indigo
12th December 2004, 4:06 PM
I know that I did predict the future once in a dream. It was slightly inaccurate, because the dream had a mouse but the real thing had a hamster, but the main thing was the same: small rodent crawling between my fingers. And I definitely dreamt that one, because I remembered it well after I woke up...

I do that all the time! It's like there's a flash of something in my dream, and then that day it happens! But it's usually something small, like somebody telling me something in particular.

But that's really weird, that happens all the time! In fact I rarely have a dream nowadays that doesn't include a "prophecy" for the day...

Sorry, I'm blabbering, and spamming, and all the really bad things. Back to the fic.

Oh, and glad you liked the Scyther. :D

WillowFox
12th December 2004, 6:18 PM
Very good, Dragonfree. When I first read it at TCoD, I burst out laughing when reading the little rants, especially the "flaming red hair" part. In regards to the deja vu part: that happens to me sometimes. One time, I was even convinced that the exact same thing had happened exactly one year before. Regarding the dreams: your dreams are based upon what you are thinking about during the day before, especially right before you go to sleep. If you are thinking about what might happen tomorrow... Well, it's a bit obvious.

And, Dragonfree...

;006; ;012; ;123;

Zappy.
12th December 2004, 10:36 PM
LOL this is the most random fic I've ever read. I LOVE random fics!!! I WANT CHAPTER TWO!!!!!!! XD
I love the concept and stuff... blah blah blah blah blah blah... I'm sure you get that alot.
:D
And to add to the off-topicness:
I have Deja vu all the time.

Dragonfree
13th December 2004, 9:26 PM
This chapter is rather short; most of the chapters in this fic will be, but this one's even shorter than average. It also requires a bit of bold text:




WARNING: My main victims in this chapter are NC-17 rated. While the chapter itself does not technically contain anything nastier than maybe PG-13, it is disturbing. Read at your own risk!



Chapter 2

In the evening, all the girls sat down on the floor of the big room. Upstairs there were dormitories and bathrooms, as well as the kitchen, but in this room they could sit and chat about their authors and fics.

Now the lights were out, and they were just sitting cosily in groups by the fireplace. The new girls sat together in a circle.

“Meet Ashley Ketchum Waterflower,” Ashley said dully, “who got an Articuno for a starter in a ten-sentence-long chapter one.”

Another, very pretty girl started sulkily: “Ash is in love with me, I’m the youngest Champion of the century and I have caught all the legendaries – all of which was way too unimportant to actually put it in the fic, so it was rather just briefly mentioned at the beginning.”

The others shook their heads.

“My Pokémon battle by screaming their names at each other,” moaned a shadow.

“My lines are horribly cheesy,” a girl who looked exactly like the female player on FireRed and LeafGreen sighed.

“I’m a Mary-Sue!”

“My author has a horrible taste in clothes!”

“My author spent half of the chapter making me cut myself with a pocket knife!”

“I’m a cardboard cut-out!”

“She made me fall in love with that cocky main character!”

“My personality is so exaggerated!”

After a few more of those shouts, most of the girls seemed to have finished complaining. They looked around for somebody who had yet to tell her story.

“Well, my author was amazingly inspired today, and started writing a fic about this place,” Abby explained. “So she wrote about me and Ashley meeting in the first chapter.”

All the girls turned to the last one, who, according to Abby, was named Clare. She was a blonde with big blue eyes, an unnatural haircut, dressed in sexy clothes and looked disgustingly perfect in every other aspect. It seemed almost out of character that she had been sitting there quiet, looking down, during the whole conversation. She was now the only one who hadn’t told about her first chapter yet.

“How was your chapter?” asked Ashley cautiously.

“Well…” Clare said miserably, still looking down. “It didn’t start out so bad; it was decently written and I went to Professor Oak’s lab and got a Bulbasaur, but then I started off and…” She finished it in a whisper that nobody could hear.

“Sorry?” a brown-haired, sixteen-year-old girl named Mary inquired. “We didn’t get the last part.”

“I…” Again Clare found herself unable to finish the sentence loud enough for anybody to hear.

“Come on, just say it!” another girl urged her.

“Fine, I got RAPED!” Clare yelled, tears of anger running down her cheeks. Several of the girls nearby gasped in horror, including Ashley. Abby just looked down.

“By who?” asked a sixteen-year-old girl from another group that was slightly apart from the others.

“My Bulbasaur,” Clare sobbed. “And some wild Pokémon that came afterwards…”

“And your age is what?” the sixteen-year-old questioned.

“Thirteen,” said Clare shakily.

“Do you think your author has plans for more nasty stuff?”

“Y-yes,” Clare whispered. “The… the Author’s Note...”

The other girl sighed heavily. “Well, tomorrow you can join us here, and we’ll give you all the assistance that we can. Hopefully, you’ll get used to it sooner or later, but I’m afraid there’s no escaping your fic.”

“They’re the rapefic characters,” Abby whispered to Ashley. “Poor girls, made to be abused, and sometimes even forced to like it.”

“That’s horrible,” Ashley muttered. “Why are they so apart from the rest of us?”

Abby shook her head sadly. “Because they know what you’re thinking. They know that they make the rest of us feel guilty. It’s to keep us sane.”

Ashley sighed. “Is Clare going to be joining them tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” said Abby quietly. “But they’re probably the closest of all the characters here. She’s going to be better off with them than with us.”

“Maybe,” Ashley said. “But still… isn’t that horrible?” She cringed, glancing at Clare. She had now curled up on the floor and seemed to be crying.

“Of course it is,” Abby said sympathetically. “But some authors just love to torture their characters.” She paused. “I trust you haven’t read Agony in Pink?”

“No,” said Ashley. “I just started to exist today, you know.”

“Thought not.” Abby shrugged. “Lucky you.”

“What is it?” asked Ashley curiously. Abby turned towards her.

“It’s character torture of the worst sort. I believe she’s still in a mental hospital, crying hysterically all day, moaning and screaming. I personally have no idea who would want to read that stuff, anyway...”

Ashley sat, stunned, and prayed that her author had never heard of Agony in Pink or at the very least had no intentions of imitating it.


(A/N: If you really want to know what Agony in Pink is, go ahead and look it up, but I guarantee you that even if you have a strong stomach, you're going to have a very hard time reading those descriptions without vomiting all over your computer screen, so I suggest you don't.)

PDL
13th December 2004, 9:42 PM
very uniquie story idea, a fanfic from the perspective of a mary-sue... interesting...

can't wait for the next chapters...

Elemental Charizam
13th December 2004, 9:48 PM
“By who?” asked a sixteen-year-old girl from another group that was slightly apart from the others.

“My Bulbasaur,” Clare sobbed. “And some wild Pokémon that came afterwards…”

“And your age is what?” the sixteen-year-old questioned.

“Thirteen,” said Clare shakily.

“Do you think your author has plans for more nasty stuff?”

“Y-yes,” Clare whispered. “The… the Author’s Note...”
Say I have a sick sense of humour if you like but....LOL!

Thats possibly the funniset thing I've ever read LMAO!

Mercy! Please continue in the knowledge that you made me choke on my lemonade.

~EC

Dragonfree
13th December 2004, 10:25 PM
o.O;; Okay, you have a sick sense of humour. It's not THAT funny...

PDL
13th December 2004, 11:02 PM
it's pretty creepy what sort of ideas people can come up with... but it only makes me like this fanfic even more...

Elemental Charizam
13th December 2004, 11:07 PM
“Y-yes,” Clare whispered. “The… the Author’s Note...”

“My Bulbasaur,” Clare sobbed. “And some wild Pokémon that came afterwards…”
Where the funniest, it's just so ridiculous, then the wild pokemon...And I've seen loads of these recently, often with Authors notes about how they'll torture they're characters.

~£¢

Charsel
14th December 2004, 1:37 AM
another great, awsome chapter Dragonfree!!

there is nothing bad about it, i cant say anything about it, but ITS SUPER-DUPER GREAT FIC FANTABULEUOS I'LL KEEP ON TYPIHNG UNTIL A MOD COMES AND BLOCKS ME...... no id ont want that

anywayz, this fic deserves a full on ;004;+!! its the (one of ) best fic ive ever read on this site!! no errors, greeat discription, great stuff, i admire you!

once again, though *APPLAUSE*

cya!
;004;

Chibi Pika
14th December 2004, 1:57 AM
Wow...

“By who?” asked a sixteen-year-old girl from another group that was slightly apart from the others.
“My Bulbasaur,” Clare sobbed. “And some wild Pokémon that came afterwards…”
While I didn't laugh, I could help snickering in a "what the heck" sort of way. The Bulbasaur??? That's just plain odd. o_o;

But anyways, great chapter, another very interesting way of looking at how characters would feel about their authors if they were real, keep it up!

~Chibi~;249;

Willow's Tara
14th December 2004, 4:36 AM
This is pretty good, i like the parody.. spekaing of when you were talking about Devu ju or whatever i sometimes have that, after something happens or someone said something i swear i heard or saw it by the same person not long ago..
Bulbasaur? raping a girl? that is pretty sick, Toture?, so some Authors write fics about Characters getting raped and never get help from those who love them?.. Gee aleast in my fics my characters if they got raped or nearly raped, or even dumped for example (See SPPDS) they awlays get help.... Anyway back to the story, its makes me want to create a almost perfect story (But i pro end up putting too much description in it, i am pro better off making a TV Show and acting in it then writing that) Anyway good i hope you update soon.

Breezy
14th December 2004, 4:45 AM
“My Pokémon battle by screaming their names at each other,” moaned a shadow.

“My lines are horribly cheesy,” a girl who looked exactly like the female player on FireRed and LeafGreen sighed.

“I’m a Mary-Sue!”

“My author has a horrible taste in clothes!”

“My author spent half of the chapter making me cut myself with a pocket knife!”

“I’m a cardboard cut-out!”

“She made me fall in love with that cocky main character!”

“My personality is so exaggerated!”Haha, it's all the fic character's I've read squished into one story. ^_^

“By who?” asked a sixteen-year-old girl from another group that was slightly apart from the others.
“My Bulbasaur,” Clare sobbed. “And some wild Pokémon that came afterwards…” Being raped by a Bulbasaur . . . That's interesting and funny in the "WTF?!" type of way. =P

But anyways, another enjoyable chapter Dragonfree. You don't have the boring, bland character though with no emotion whatsoever though heh.

LaTeR dAyZ!

Mew King
15th December 2004, 2:56 AM
Ha! I loved this Dragonfree! It was funny, creative, sad, and uncreative at the same time! I don't know how, but you managed to pull off several descriptions for the story and their contradictory description. I have to see how this is going.

(To bring up something old: I also had several cases where I thought to see into the future through dreams. It brings up strange deja vus. It's good. Maybe, we have psychic powers that allow us to see into the future?)

indigestible_wad
15th December 2004, 5:56 AM
Another very interesting chapter. It was cool to see how the girls talk about their stories and the stupid authors.

Being raped by a Bulbasaur . . . That's interesting and funny in the "WTF?!" type of way. =P
You wouldn't belive some of the stuff I've seen on the internet about pokemon. That doesn't even phase me.

Zappy.
15th December 2004, 10:10 PM
o.O being raped by a Bulbasaur... now that's just wrong. But good chapter Dragonfree!!

haydenjenz
18th December 2004, 4:47 PM
I'm sorry, I had to laugh at the Bulbasaur thing, it's just frickin' hilarious! This 'fic' is great, keep it coming!

Indigo
18th December 2004, 10:33 PM
Excellent. This is a really funny fic, and I can't wait to see where it's going. I can't say anything constructive about it, and that kinda makes me feel guilty...^^;;

...and I think I'll pass on looking up Agony in Pink, thank you. :p

~Ind

...and as much as it pains me to part with it...here you go. ;123;

Medical Meccanica
19th December 2004, 1:29 AM
The first chapter was funny... I like how it was written in the beginning...
The second chapter... That wasn't funny, but it was put in a way that was easy to understand the whole concept...
Good job, can't wait to read more.

KingFirestump
21st December 2004, 3:06 AM
I LOVE THIS FIC!!!!!!!! And i don't say that about any fics. (Search for some of my old advice if you dont beleive me.) I CAN'T WAIT for the next chapters!

Achamo-chan
21st December 2004, 3:48 AM
Very nice. I like how you mentioned the rapefics, because nobody seems to rat on them, but they're the ones I like the least. The others are good examples of bad fics, too.

Tezza
21st December 2004, 5:10 AM
Hehe! Second chapter is just as good, I love the first lot and the clamouring cries! Excellent! Shalt it join the PTL?

cold_katanagirl
21st December 2004, 5:16 AM
Raping Bulbasaur? What is the fan fic world coming to???

I thought it was pretty funny. The Bulbasaur was...

Just wrong. Funny in a "WTF???" kind of way. I thought it was good. Keep on writing!

And...

Agony In Pink...


What's the best way to search for it? I'M NOSY OK??? *thwacks*

PDL
21st December 2004, 5:30 AM
Raping Bulbasaur? What is the fan fic world coming to???

I see you people have never heard of hentai tenticale monsters before (trust me, you don't want to know about them)

it's not so surprizing that someone with a perveresed mind would write something like that. no matter how demented it may seem, the sky's the limit with fanfiction :\

anyway, can't wait for the next chapter

Sweet Magic
22nd December 2004, 12:34 PM
Erm... yeah... o.0

Everone's covered up the 'being raped by a Bulbasaur' part, so no comment on that (though I sincerely find it disgusting. No offence to Dragonfree, of course, but I'm loathing the people who write about that. It really isn't funny).

Good parody, overall, Dragonfree!

Sweet Magic - ;038;

Blue Aurora
22nd December 2004, 1:01 PM
RAPED BY A BULBASAUR??!!! *dies laughing* I know that IS sick, but its sick, its FUNNY!

Dragonfree
22nd December 2004, 3:11 PM
Everone's covered up the 'being raped by a Bulbasaur' part, so no comment on that (though I sincerely find it disgusting. No offence to Dragonfree, of course, but I'm loathing the people who write about that. It really isn't funny).
Don't worry, I'm in your group. It isn't all that funny when you've actually seen Misty getting raped by a Tentacruel and a Tangela.


Agony In Pink...


What's the best way to search for it? I'M NOSY OK??? *thwacks*
Try Google, but be warned that it contains toenails being ripped off and various other stuff that you'd rather be without imagining.

Sweet Magic
22nd December 2004, 4:42 PM
o.0'''''

*Does not know what to say*

Misty... Raped by a Tentacruel and a Tangela?!

*Faints*

Although, it is reassuring to know that someone is on my side... *eyes people who think the Bulbasaur part funny suspiciously*

Sweet Magic - ;038;

Alakazam
22nd December 2004, 6:46 PM
o.O

That's strange. Very strange. That's all I have to say.

psisam
22nd December 2004, 7:41 PM
Very cool keep on writing. The idea is very intresting and createtive.

Lust
23rd December 2004, 12:07 AM
Well a character of mine was attacked by a Heracross but wasn't really raped.

Dragonfree
23rd December 2004, 12:16 AM
Please do not flame, EvilKeckleon.

Treecko 93
23rd December 2004, 1:16 AM
Life of a n00bish person:

omg, that was so awsome. 11one1 make anothr 1 omg g8t.

Lol! (<----to the fic)Seriously, that's a great idea to have a fic like this. The exagerrations in it really show some of the stupid things that people can- and DO- do. Not much to say anymore.

Me tune in! *hands Dragonfree a candy bar* Good job!

indigestible_wad
23rd December 2004, 2:13 AM
Don't worry, I'm in your group. It isn't all that funny when you've actually seen Misty getting raped by a Tentacruel and a Tangela.
True. I've seen a lot worse than that.

BabyCharmander
23rd December 2004, 6:45 PM
Funny fic, and very true, too. I've actually read worse fics than the bold on the first chapter. (It was like... <Ash> Hey misty wanna get married <Misty> k *two weeks later misty is cooking dinner and watching her three year old daughter play* <Ash> im home whats for dinner <Misty> i have a suprize for you <Ash> what lunch? <Misty> no I'm pregnant <Ash> cool (AND YES I AM SERIOUS. Oo; That was the whole first chapter of the fic, and it WAS written like that!))


Don't worry, I'm in your group. It isn't all that funny when you've actually seen Misty getting raped by a Tentacruel and a Tangela.

...ugh, that reminds me of when I accidently stumbled upon "fan"art of Misty being raped by a Charmander... that pic scarred me for LIFE. Xx;;;;

indigestible_wad
23rd December 2004, 10:18 PM
I don't think anyone who makes a rape picture of pokemon is a fanart. More like fanmutilation.

I think I've seen that picture of the charmander raping mistyy too somewhere.

guiltysparkzz
24th December 2004, 2:16 AM
This looks really fun, this fic. I've seen bad pics too (Which I will not mention) And it's gross in a WTF?? kind of way..

Deja Vu's.. I vaguely remember reading this fic....jk but I do remember coming to these forums and doing something. Like, I'm talking to my friend, then I look at the lock, and I realise I saw that last night..

Kijuna
24th December 2004, 5:22 AM
I should totally be in that group. Once, one of my friends wrote a fanfiction about a message board I go to and I had the IQ of a shoe and tried to wash penguins (or flamingos, as I called them) with waffles. Then I got a sword shoved through my chest...

*fetal position and subscribe*

dragon helper
29th December 2004, 4:51 AM
...wow...interesting...but i for one think that is just totally wrong! what was that prof. huffing when he gave that girl a perv. pkmn?!?!?!?!?! no offense dragonfree its a great fanfic...

Dragonfree
29th December 2004, 4:58 AM
The professor was just doing what the author wanted. Fics like that usually don't have much of a reason behind anything...

dragon helper
29th December 2004, 5:33 AM
wow i had no idea people actually wrote stuff ike that...

Trillian
30th December 2004, 10:44 PM
Try Google, but be warned that it contains toenails being ripped off and various other stuff that you'd rather be without imagining.

Ewww *Cringes*

I don't even need to read it to be repulsed! Sounds horrible, a story I could do without reading. Well, this is a great fic, and I have to admit, I did snicker at the total nonsensical...ness of the rape, but the stereotypical badly-done charcters were hilarious! Keep up the good work!

Sybot
8th January 2005, 12:12 AM
Great parody you've got here, I especially like the whole AA thing with the characters.

BTW I looked up Agony in Pink...I have read fics with rapes, tentacles, violence and so on. But that is the only one that has actually disturbed me even though I only skimmed through it...

Dragonfree
8th January 2005, 1:11 AM
Heh, also by the same author: The Interrogation of Leia and Holly's Home Invasion. They're exactly the same as Agony in Pink except that the women being tortured have different names and are being tortured by different people. I think Leia is the most disturbing, since her eyeballs get gauged out and they do some bone-sawing on her...

The author does have a toe fetish in them all, though, mentioning "supple" or "delicate" or "perfect" toes many times per paragraph. At least the Interrogation of Leia isn't as repetitive as the others; Agony in Pink is half "NOOOOOOOO PLEEEEEASE STOP I'LL DO ANYTHING AHHHHHH!" and Holly's Home Invasion is half "Pretty, pretty Holly", "supple toes" that feel the cold floor and "No, please, <gasp>, no more, <gag>, I'll do anything, <gasp> <sob>"...

But they're all exceptionally nasty. To quote:


Not suitable for anyone, ever.

guiltysparkzz
8th January 2005, 1:51 AM
*barfs* Who could write that kind of crap? *cringes in disgust*

Dragonfree
8th January 2005, 1:55 AM
Oh, you'd barf if you read some of the scenes in Holly's Home Invasion and Interrogation of Leia that the author thought of after writing Agony in Pink... <.<;; I don't even feel like giving you a hint of what they're about, since you'd barf then too.

Anyway, I haven't started chapter three, to be honest. Maybe I should search for some awful fics to get into the mood...

PDL
8th January 2005, 2:00 AM
you should search for a fanfic I read once... it was the worst kind of crossover you can think of:

Dragonball Z and Diary of Anne Frank

it was awful

Dragonfree
8th January 2005, 2:33 AM
Well, naturally, that's not a Pokémon fic, but I might look at it. I did go and find some bad Pokémon ones, and started chapter three. Ashley's author has at least started writing longer chapters, so this one's going to be a bit longer than usual. Featuring the Meanie Rival™ and Random Script In the Middle of the Fic™. ;) For short, most parodical chapter yet.

Dragonfree
8th January 2005, 3:59 AM
Yay! Chapter three!


Chapter 3

Ashley found herself awake after a night of unpleasant dreams about “Agony in Ashley”. She heard the voice of the narration in her head, even though she wasn’t actually transported to the set.

To reviewers:

“Oh no,” she whimpered.

--Sorry, but this wasn’t very good. It was way too short to be a proper chapter and that name just irks me. And why did she leave without even saying goodbye? Your spelling and grammar are good, though.

“Listen to that person, listen to that person…” Ashley prayed.

Well, this is my fic and if I want to have my chapters short, they will be short. And I had to go away from my computer so I couldn’t write more. There is nothing wrong with her name, I think it’s beautiful. And she said goodbye, I just didn’t write it!!

Ashley sighed. “Shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.”

--THE BEST STORY EVA!!!!! CONTINUE!!!

Ashley banged her head against the wall.

Thanks! ^_^ Your story is really good too!

“Why do I doubt it is?” Ashley groaned.

--You call this a fic? It sucks! Everything sucks about it! You suck!

Ashley heartily agreed with this person, although the review itself technically sucked too.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY I SUCK! GO AWAY!

Ashley sighed again.

--Canon rape if I ever saw one. First off, Misty is older than Ash. “Ashley Ketchum Waterflower” is the worst name ever invented. Secondly, Ash is OOC; “Use it wisely” sounds nothing like Ash. I highly doubt he’d even become a professor. Ashley is flatter than a sheet of paper and a blatant Mary-Sue. She received a freaking ARTICUNO for a starter, with absolutely no explanation on how Ash got it. I don’t know how you managed to get that much wrong in such a miniscule chapter, but you did. Congratulations.

Ashley bit her lip. It was a lovely, constructive review, but unfortunately she knew what was coming…

Stop flaming me!!! I’m just ten, I mean, what is your problem? Instead of being nice, you start flaming me with stupid nitpicky comments!

Ashley took a deep breath.

--This is a very good fic, a little short, but otherwise there’s nothing wrong.

“NOTHING WRONG?” Ashley screamed. “OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG!”

Thanks, I hope you read more!

Ashley saw the strategy behind the author’s comments: she told the ones who criticized her to go away, and the ones who liked the fic to read more.

--This is way too fast-paced. You could have made a much longer chapter with the same happenings. If you described things more, you could have made the chapter much longer, and you shouldn’t just say that Ash is her father and Misty is her mother; you can include it in the story. Otherwise it was pretty good.

“This is so not flaming,” Ashley muttered. “Don’t try to tell me this is flaming.”

Thanks! I’ll try to make the next chapter longer.

“Er… didn’t you just say that you decided how long your chapters would be?” Ashley pointed out. The Author, naturally, didn’t hear her, and Ashley found herself absorbed into the darkness of the chapter.

-------

Ashley headed out to Route 1! It was very grassy and Ashley loved smelling the flowers.

The darkness around her slowly lifted to reveal a grassy field. Trees and flowers grew all around it, and Ashley felt a weird urge to start smelling all the flowers for some reason. Somehow she loved doing it, even though the flowers didn’t actually have any scent to smell.

Then there came a mean guy called Dave.

All of a sudden, a shadow was standing in front of her. The name “DAVE” read in big letters across his face. Ashley immediately felt that she didn’t like him at all.

Dave: Hey, you’re a girl! I’ll beat you in a Pokémon fight any day!!!

“Er… why are you speaking in script format?” asked Ashley, confused. “And why are you sexist?”

“Cuz I’m TEH MEANIE!!!!” answered Dave meanly. Ashley realized to her horror that this must be her evil rival who abused exclamation marks. She edged away in an attempt to get around him.

Ashley: You’re so immature, grow up.

Ashley groaned and muttered a swear word. Why did she have to go back at him? And in script format?

Dave: Haha, let’s have a Pokémon battle about it!

“A Pokémon battle about whether you’re immature?” asked Ashley puzzled. “How is that supposed to work?”

“Shut up, I’m just TEH MEANIE!!!!” Dave snorted.

Ashley: I’ll kick your ***! Go Articuno!

An absolutely formless shadow appeared in front of her. It did have “ARTICUNO” written across it, though, allowing Ashley to know what it was. She couldn’t help thinking that Articuno was horribly ugly like that; it was such a shame, considering that Articuno was supposed to be a beautiful Pokémon.

Dave: Go Charmander!

Another shadow appeared in front of Dave, this one with “CHARMANDER” written on it.

Ashley: Articuno, use Ice Beam!

“Why do I have to obey you?” Articuno snorted. “I’m a Legendary. You’re a Mary-Sue.”

Charmander fainted!

The shadow called Charmander randomly dropped down to the ground. Articuno hadn’t actually hit him with anything, but he probably just fainted from the pressure or something.

Dave: Puny Charmander! You’re weak, you couldn’t even defeat a girl! And I hate weak Pokémon!

“Because I’m TEH MEANIE!!!!” Dave added.

Dave left his Charmander with Ashley and it was raining, so Ashley took the Charmander. Because she saved him, he decided to come with her! Now Ashley had a new Pokémon!

Ashley felt herself disappear to the Fanfiction Character Camp again. She was relieved that the chapter was over.

Indigo
8th January 2005, 4:22 AM
Good job, psychic twin of doom. The description void was nicely portrayed, Ashley's "undescribed" emotions were done in a way that makes it enjoyable, yet understandable, and the reviewer's comments were spot on. I can picture someone saying one of those quotes to the letter perfectly.

...This is kind of like a whole new twist on Advice for Aspiring Authors. I hereby deem this fic to be nicknamed, "Advice for Aspiring Authors with a TWIST!"

You could get newbies to read this fic to see how to react to things like this. I just realized that.

...Anyway.

Great job, Dragonfree, and I can't wait for more.

~Ind

Oh, and Jade says hi and harvinblagen. Don't ask me what that means--I haven't the slightest idea. XP

The Trainer
8th January 2005, 4:30 AM
Wow, that was really really funny! The way you have a description of each line immeadiately after the line of the chapter makes it very funny. I like that format. Dave was also funny, and the explanation of the battle made it good. It is like reading an enhanced form of a sucky fic. I just hope that if I write a fic, it won't be as bad as that.

Dragonfree
8th January 2005, 4:34 AM
Heh, I like how I got the reviewers too, especially the "Canon rape if I ever saw one" review. With just one or two tweaks (which I think I'm making either way), I think it would be a fairly in-character Farla...

Paint_Palette
8th January 2005, 5:10 AM
XD It's true! I see fics like that all the time! Only one thing irritated me:

Not all 10 year olds write bad fics, I'm 10 and my fic actually has description. Well I guess I'm a bit more mature than quite a few 10 year olds here.

indigestible_wad
8th January 2005, 6:40 AM
It's cool how she can see everything that goes on in the thread including reviews. I can guarantee you no one would say that a ten sentence long chapter was "THE BEST STORY EVA!" I also looked up Agony in Pink but was too lazy to read it. Power Rangers? What, was it a crossover or something?

Chibi Pika
8th January 2005, 7:15 AM
Oh man, the reviews/slash responses were hilarious! I love how you convey the way things would look when they don't have descriptino, with the shadows and everything. Woosh, I agree with Indigo, this should be someday made into Advice for Aspiring Authors with a Twist! Reminds me so much of Clare's A Fourney Jic, about an author who rehashes the show, yells at his reviewers, but then get sucked into his fic and sees first hand how bad it is. Lol, keep it up!

~Chibi~;249;

Dragonfree
8th January 2005, 1:56 PM
Paint_Palette: I never said ten-year-olds write bad fics. This is just a typical author who tries to use her age as an excuse.

indigestable_wad: Not here, no. But I've seen chapters very similar to this getting reviews that look approximately like that at FanFiction.Net... Agony in Pink is just a Power Rangers fic, there is no Pokémon in it, but it's very infamous all around.

Chibi Pika: Well, this is more of a "How Not to Write" than "Advice for Aspiring Authors", but close enough. XD Let the newbies come to me...

Mew King
8th January 2005, 4:16 PM
I loved this. I officially promote you with the powers that I have from Master to God.

This is so great and so true to what kind of crap is around on this site. If you want to see a crap fic, take a look at my first fic. Just tell me and I'll give you a link because I would be a rule breaker if I posted the link. I have unexplained events occuring left a right like "Day 14: I caught a Zubat on the road to the next gym. Nothing happened after that." Now that I'm 2 years older, I realized what kind of crap I did. It would be funny if you have something like that and then have Ashley question her existence. It's just that you need all of the crappy material you can get if you want to start cult of people worshiping you and everything you do because you pointed out the stupididy of everyone's stupid fics.

To me, these three chapters deserve a 10^100/10. As a guy who is definitely not an English major would say on a formal piece of writing, "Uoo rrre duh maaan?"

indigestible_wad
8th January 2005, 8:31 PM
Of couse, even though this is an "advise for aspiring authors" thing, we all know it won't be a sticky.

Psychic
8th January 2005, 11:23 PM
Wow, Dragonfree, really great fic! I love how you describe things while not describing them, if you know what I mean. I like the time warp excuse and the Mary-Sue thing. Al her sudden urges (like to smell the flowers that didn't smell), and her sudden dislike for this random guy. The battle was pretty funny too. It's original yet unoriginal! A very new concept as opposed to the usual fics, never read a parody before, but you give them a good name!
I know I'm not the first to mention this but: Raped by a Bulbasaur? That is sick. Little humor there, me think.
Keep up the great work!

BabyCharmander
9th January 2005, 12:11 AM
Nice chapter, very well written. XD I wanna send this to some not-so-good writers I know, but I'm afraid that it might offend them. >>

And I looked up "The Interrogation of Leia" (I'm a Star Wars fan) and stopped reading a sentance after they made her take off her clothes. Oo I do NOT need nor want to read a fic like that.

Draconic Mage
9th January 2005, 12:48 AM
The part about rivals abusing exclamation marks is good. It seems to be true even in ok fics.

LeafGreenGunso
9th January 2005, 1:50 AM
I think this is very funny and can´t wait for the next chapter

Blaziken's Emberz
9th January 2005, 3:24 AM
Very ingenious, Dragonfree. It teaches us not to make mistakes like that. Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus, of course, Ash and Misty/May, and their daughter or son, Ashley or Ashton or Asher Ketchum.

This fic is almost like a guide. Not humorous, but to me, pitiful. It (sort of) is degrading to some of the encouraged authors, and bluntly make a story about what you wrote. So it's sort of an assistance to them, but almost like an insult. Confusing statement, yes, but quite effective... I give it so far about a 7.5/10, because of it's (harshness) on some authors.

I just hope I'm not one of them...

: PMD :

Dragonfree
9th January 2005, 3:51 AM
This fic is almost like a guide. Not humorous, but to me, pitiful. It (sort of) is degrading to some of the encouraged authors, and bluntly make a story about what you wrote. So it's sort of an assistance to them, but almost like an insult. Confusing statement, yes, but quite effective... I give it so far about a 7.5/10, because of it's (harshness) on some authors.
I couldn't make any sense of that. o.O This is a parody, you know, not an MST.

Blaziken's Emberz
9th January 2005, 3:52 AM
I even mentioned: Confusing statement, yes. I am confusing. However, what I mean is, your parody is sort of "Harsh". No offense.

: PMD :

Dragonfree
9th January 2005, 4:09 AM
If you're aware that you're confusing, you should reword what you said, not just say "Yeah, I'm confusing, but who cares."

Either way, if you think this is a harsh parody, you clearly haven't read many of them...

The Trainer
9th January 2005, 7:11 AM
Actually, if a newcomer reads this and realizes that their fic sucks after reading this, it is much less embarrasing. This fic is supposed to be frank, but it isn't targeting anyone specificly. A particular person(besides the person who wrote "Agony in Pink") can't be offended by this.

Breezy
9th January 2005, 7:43 AM
Well, this is my fic and if I want to have my chapters short, they will be short. And I had to go away from my computer so I couldn’t write moreWow, I don't know how many times I've seenthis line along with the age one. --;

Anyways, another great addition. I particulary liked the review part (I think everyone did o.0) and the "why are you so sexist?" joke for some reason. Not sure why but it made me laugh . . . :confused:

Harsh PMD? One has not stepped too far out of the SPPf Fanfiction box XP. It's more of a guideline of what not to do anyways plus a good laugh for all of us writers that have actually written like this (me included . . . good old Hamtaro stories *sigh*).

LaTeR dAYZ!

Lust
9th January 2005, 8:58 AM
XD! I like this fic! It's like a "sit back and relax" fic.

nintyweb
9th January 2005, 3:27 PM
This is really bad, but thats what makes it so good, if you get my meaning. The review part was really funny and so was the running comentary after every line. The constant misspelling of "the" in TEH MEANIE was a good example of something bad but commonly used and so was the whole Ash gives her a legendary thing. And Ill never trust a Bulbasaur and its "playful vines" again.
*Turns on Gamecube in order to wash sick image out of head*
*Gets hooked on Echoes and is never seen again...*

jirachiman876
9th January 2005, 7:38 PM
this is hilarious because it reminds me of another fic ive been reading ( not quest for the legends ) ive seen other pics like the bulbasaur thing gives me bad images *shudders*
jirachiman out ;385; hope this works

Nornis
11th January 2005, 12:47 PM
Great fic. A lot of people have commented on the Bulbasaur bit, but I just have to add that I am not surprised in the slightest, considering the pictures I have seen in the past. *sighs* I love how you take the worst of the stereotypes used in bad fanfics and make fun of them. I think any aspiring writer should be made to read this.

;004; ;004;

indigestible_wad
11th January 2005, 4:38 PM
I've been wondering, is the "writer" of the story male or female?

Dragonfree
11th January 2005, 4:44 PM
As in Ashley's author? Female. Most Mary-Sue authors are female. ;)

Ororo Munroe
11th January 2005, 8:01 PM
How can some of you think the rape thing is amusing? Rape is never funny.

Anyways, this seems like an alright fic. I haven't really seen fics as bas as the parodies make them but some do come close. I liked many parts of the fics but liked the fake reviews the most. Except that I've said something simliar to the one about length since the chapters in my fics are short because I prefer short chapters (although I am trying to make it longer which I'll do if I can think of something, still working on the second chapter that I started LAST January. @.@). Nice fic, Dragonfree.

Willow's Tara
12th January 2005, 5:18 AM
Wow.. just wow and really funny Hey, you want to see a bad fic, you should see how bad i was writing stories when i was 6.. I am 16 now and reading them just hurts my eyes even thought i am the one who made it.. Really good update soon please

Silver Ryu
16th January 2005, 1:56 AM
XDDD This is hilarious! I love n00b fic parodies, and this one is just a crackup. I love it!

The Bulbasaur part was just disturbing. And I don't think I want to look up Agony in Pink, thank you. I've found a pretty nasty Pokemon fic about Ash, Misty, and Brock joining Team Rocket. Well, actually, only one chapter (Chapter 26 or something) was nasty. It contains graphic descriptions of gore, and while it is very Pokeshippy, it contains J&J with guns, trying to kill Ash and the others. And guess what? They do. 0_o If you actually want to look it up, search for Pokemon: The New Episode.

Ororo Munroe
16th January 2005, 9:49 AM
I've found a pretty nasty Pokemon fic about Ash, Misty, and Brock joining Team Rocket. Well, actually, only one chapter (Chapter 26 or something) was nasty. It contains graphic descriptions of gore, and while it is very Pokeshippy, it contains J&J with guns, trying to kill Ash and the others. And guess what? They do. 0_o If you actually want to look it up, search for Pokemon: The New Episode.
I think I've read that or at least a similar fic that matches that description.

MewMan
16th January 2005, 10:14 PM
This is the funniest Pokemon fic I have ever read! I love the way you added the reviewers and responses, and how the main charecter actually had her own feelings. I especially liked


“Because I’m TEH MEANIE!!!!”

I nearly died laughing! The shadows were brilliant too! Keep on going!

Valkyrie X
17th January 2005, 12:42 AM
Hey, I just started reading this, it is SO FUNNY!!! The raping Bulbasaur thing really disturbed me, it's amazing what kind of ideas people get. o_O Also, the shadows were really creative. The "Because I'm TEH MEANIE!!!!" thing made me laugh my head off. Keep it up Dragonfree, this fic rox!

;381;Lati_Lover;380;

Sweet Magic
17th January 2005, 6:05 PM
Long time no viewed, yet still as good n.n

May I ask a question? In 'Fan-Fic World', do people like Ashley (who are generally [in the girls' house etc] more than shadows but less than described) are shadows when they are not described in the chapter? Hard to understand, so I'll make it easier:

Fan-Fic World
Ashley - Not-but-almost a shadow
"Chapter World"
Ashley - ??

There n.n

Sweet Magic - ;038;

Dragonfree
17th January 2005, 8:45 PM
In both worlds, they'll look exactly as described as they have been in total. That is, if the author decides in chapter three to describe Ashley's clothes, the clothes will appear on her body and be there for good, even if the clothes aren't ever mentioned again. Naturally, if it's mentioned that she takes her clothes off but the clothes she puts on afterwards are not described, her clothes will be in shadow again.

Psychic
18th January 2005, 12:38 AM
Hmmm, interesting concept...see, that's what I love about this fanfic, Dragonfree, it's just so darn original, and I'm sure that nobody else could ever come up with what you have! The characters, while being Mary-Sues and rape-fic people, are absolutely new and difrent. The concepts, the places, even the clothing is all never before seen, and just grips your attention!
Keep up the exelent work, we'll be waiting!

~Psychic

Crystal_Espeon
18th January 2005, 1:20 AM
Aurora: Wow... the last chapter with the reviewed part was so funny...

Wow... This is so original... Pointing out flaws that people make, in a fan fic too? It's actually funny in that last chapter, it did have me laughing. Continue it please.

Sweet Magic
18th January 2005, 7:42 PM
Oh - that makes sense n.n

Thanks very much for answering, Dragonfree! Can you just spoil a bit and tell us if the chapter is going to be ready soon? XD

Sweet Magic - ;038;

Dragonfree
18th January 2005, 8:29 PM
Well, at least I've started it. Every other chapter of this fic will probably be one of Ashley's chapters, and the others will be tackling certain fanfiction issues in general. So, chapter four will be like chapter two in that aspect. I've finished off rapefics, though, so you're not up for more ranting about that. Instead, it's long time to mention something that must not be misunderstood about this fic...

MewMan
18th January 2005, 9:13 PM
Now you've made me intrested. I want to read more now! Must you toy with our emotions?

Zappy.
29th January 2005, 12:44 AM
XD that was funny, and I agree how it kinda was an "Advice for Aspiring writers" but, with a weird little twist. I like this chapter better than the last one, mostly cause of the funny comments made by Ashley. (LOL!!!)
Good job. Now I'm going to look up Agony in Pink.
Over and out-
Zap

Crayon
2nd February 2005, 5:34 AM
You know there actually was a fanfic about a girl that matched the description of Ashley. o.o She was on, uh.. Pallet Gym, methinks. Something like that. Lame fic. I liked it a few years ago, of course.

Yay for the author's note. ;; I'm only on the 2nd page.. -reads-

Jolteon's Thunder Cloud
4th February 2005, 5:55 AM
I got extremly curious and looked up Agony in Pink. I read three chapers in and was thinking [b]OH MY GOD! It was some of the most horrible things ever. I seen bad, but this was really bad. I just can't describe the 'agony', suffereing, and pain. GACK! x/ Just reading it made me tired, almost to the point of exaustion. It was so depressing in the most unhumanly way, I was on the verge of throwing up. I can stomache many things, but I seriouslly got sick. I walked out to go to the bathroom for a moment, and my mom said she couldn't help but comment on how my face was rather green and dark under the eyes. I pretended to not hear her and walked into the bathroom. DON'T READ AGONY IN PINK, EVEN IF YOUR THE MOST CURIOUS PERSON IN THE WORLD, PEOPLE! I highly regret what I did. It ruined the happy mood that has been lasting throughout my day. -sigh-
[END RANT]

But your fic is wonderful, it really shows all the horrible and pointless/poorly writen fics out there. That Dave gut was funny, real work here.

Dragonfree
4th February 2005, 8:45 AM
Ah, yet another victim of those fics. If Agony in Pink bothered you that much, don't come ANYWHERE near Celebrian. Or Pokémon Breeding Center 3.

guiltysparkzz
4th February 2005, 4:43 PM
Are those two really bad, then? Ugh, I can imagine what Breeding center could start as..*barf*

indigestible_wad
4th February 2005, 5:01 PM
I'm getting interested in reading agony in pink. I think I could stomache a bit more than some people can. I accidentally swallowed something with fiberglass in it and I couldn't throw up. I'll see how far I can gt.

Dragonfree
4th February 2005, 6:36 PM
Are those two really bad, then? Ugh, I can imagine what Breeding center could start as..*barf*
Well, they have a lot in common. Both are rapefics in about as much detail as possible, and involve an innocent non-human female character from an innocent fandom being gang-raped by creatures that aren't their own species, enjoying the rape and becoming the rapists' servants afterwards. I found Celebrian first and that strengthened my stomach to the point of not being bothered about Agony in Pink (although as I've said before, my fingernails harshly disagreed), but Pokémon Breeding Center 3 still made me sick. Probably because it's a lot more disturbing for a Pokémon fan to see a Vaporeon get raped than Elrond's wife.

For short, absolutely sick.

Either way, *the* most sickening thing I've read was even sicker and I'm not going to tempt anybody to come near it by mentioning its name.

Jolteon's Thunder Cloud
5th February 2005, 12:29 AM
Hey, who is the author of Pokemon Breeding Center 3? I think I might of read that a while ago. Not sure, but I would reconize the authors name.

Dragonfree
5th February 2005, 12:36 AM
Don't remember, and I honestly don't want to check. Did the one you're talking about have a Vaporeon as a main character who was in the Breeding Center as an Eevee and got raped by a Beedrill and Machamp although that was just mentioned, and then gets raped at night by her trainer's Houndoom, Arcanine, Rapidash, Donphan and Tauros?

If so, I doubt there could be another person who came up with that same stuff, so...


EDIT: Found it again... ugh. The author is "BlackDragon".

Nagashi
5th February 2005, 12:53 AM
Don't remember, and I honestly don't want to check. Did the one you're talking about have a Vaporeon as a main character who was in the Breeding Center as an Eevee and got raped by a Beedrill and Machamp although that was just mentioned, and then gets raped at night by her trainer's Houndoom, Arcanine, Rapidash, Donphan and Tauros?

If so, I doubt there could be another person who came up with that same stuff, so...

O.o

..
DUDE! JESUS ****ING CHRIST!
Who the hell would WANT to read that anyway?! Ugh.... I feel ill just thinking about that... can't get images out of my head.... urgh <_<

Jolteon's Thunder Cloud
5th February 2005, 2:11 AM
Oh god, that sounds horrible. I'm not going to read Pokemon Breeding Center 3 for sure x-x Thanks for the info anyway.

I read a different fic by the person who wrote 'Agony in Pink'. Why? Why?! God, sometimes I just hate my self -_- It was even worse, I thought Agony in Pink was bad, but I actually finished this new one, and slightly cried at one point. Not because of sadness, but because even though I was just reading it, it was the most horror I could of ever experienced. Yet my eyes pressed on reading the words, Jeez, I really need to stop. -_-

VERY GOOD ADVICE: DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING I DO xD

Umbrazard
5th February 2005, 2:14 AM
Awesome, Dragonfree. This is amazing. To tell you the truth, I was going to look at this, then when I posted that thing on Quest for Legends about the Legendary Beasts, and you snapped, I got offended and didn't look at this. Yeah, I know. It was childish, but I don't like being snapped at for an opinion. I also know you apologized, but meh, I hold grudges.

Anyway, ranting aside. This was awesome. The actual "fic" sucked, but the part about Ashley in Camp, and her reactions to her author, is ingenious. When i saw the rape part, especially the Bulbasaur, I did a double take and then was like WTF. Then I kinda chuckled. It's not funny, but so odd that it was like, I dunno. Is that fic real? The Bulbasaur thing? I certainley hope not. Rape is not something to be taken lightly. I hope you all don't thin authors who have rape occur in their fics are bad though. One of the charcters in my fic was raped (prior to her inclusion in the story, hence no description) and I really don't view myself as a pervert. It explains her demeaner and her current situationn, and I wouldn't put it in unless "necessary." I loved the fake reviews. Allt ogether, I give it a 9.75 ;197; . ;006; /10. Amazing. When you get to chapter 4, It'll be one of my Tenebra winners. Keep at it.
~Umbra;197;

Flaming Lip
7th February 2005, 7:22 PM
Crap

This is awsome I got to read more. Any way this will be useful for me. I am curently working on my new fic so this will help consirding I just joined yesterday. It has few mistakes and lots of humor. This review sucks...

-Flaming Lip (I flame you ha ha) ;359;

MewMan
11th February 2005, 10:50 PM
Sorry for spamming, but are you going to continue this or what?

Dragonfree
11th February 2005, 11:03 PM
Of course I am, but this happens not to be my main fic, so The Quest for the Legends has the priority.

EDIT: How come somebody always comes to my fics and rates them one star without leaving a comment? -_- I think it's very rude to give the message "you suck" anonymously, you know.

Chibi Pika
12th February 2005, 12:47 AM
I bet they were rating to weigh against all the fives, but aparrently someone else did it too, because it now says 4.67. Crap, and I already rated five forever ago. *gets idea* I have friends on Serebii, I'll have them rate five to weigh against the now, aparrently, two one-star votes.

~Chibi~;249;

indigestible_wad
12th February 2005, 1:11 AM
Sorry for asking a n00b question, but how do you see what the rating is? I figured out how to a while ago, but then I just, forgot.

Dragonfree
12th February 2005, 1:31 AM
You hover over the stars in the forum list.

And I'm aware that they're "weighing against" the fives, but what the heck is the point of the ratings if people just try to "balance" them without having anything to say on why they do it? -_-;;; The whole point of the rating is so that some threads can be rated five stars and some below that. Get over it.

Breezy
12th February 2005, 3:15 AM
I figure that people found it unfair that a fic that makes fun of other fics had such a high vote and decided to vote if 1 star. Then he got his little friends to run out and play . . .

Anyone hold a grudge against ya Dragonfree?

I voted right now and it only went up .01 percent. -_-; I think this beats the other second and third place fic with the highest vote by a long shot (and yes, I know who's fics are those too --; ).

The Trainer
12th February 2005, 3:37 AM
Actually, this isn't the first time a person gave Dragonfree's fic one star without explaining. It happened in Quest for the Legends too. One of the people is probably this person.

Dragonfree
12th February 2005, 2:10 PM
Yeah, it did. No comment there either, and it does not make fun of other fics.

And not to boast, but if it deserves one star, not a single fic in the forums deserves more than three as long as we keep the scale consistent. -_- It is definitely not THAT much below average.

I don't know who'd hold a grudge against me except that person on Neopets who was really offended that I didn't vote for them in the Beauty Contest... and they don't know who I am, anyway...

EDIT: Oh great, it's down to 4.67 again... WHO ARE YOU? SHOW YOURSELF INSTEAD OF HIDING AND SPITTING ON OTHER PEOPLE'S FANFICTION!

MewMan
12th February 2005, 4:27 PM
Agony in Pink was the most boring fic I ever read. Three chapters in and I was falling asleep. If the entire fic is just mindless torture, then what is the point of reading it? Anyway, I rated this thread five stars, since it deserves it.

Aurora
12th February 2005, 10:23 PM
I know it has been a while since this fic was originally posted, but I just read it recently. Some of that writing sounds like some of my first attempts to write fanfiction. (Thank goodness I didn't post it!)

I love this fanfic. It gives examples of mistakes that I have seen dozens of times at fanfiction.net. It is a great way to help new writers avoid common mistakes.

Also, it's hilarious! I especially loved Ashley's response to her story and author. I burst out laughing so many times that my parents thought I had gone crazy! I can't wait to see the next chapter.

I think I've encountered Ashley's author before. I have seen several writers who simply cannot take even the slightest criticism, even if it is a minor thing, like pointing out a grammatical error.

A very humorous and instructive fanfic. I give it five stars.

Caithyra
12th February 2005, 11:49 PM
Sounds like my very first fan fiction, thank good that I hadn't learned how to upload it on the internet.
Nowadays I get heart failure every time the chapter's word count is under 1000, my characters actually have a talent, and I see a single miss-spelled word or awkwardly placed punctuation.

Hopefully this will make people realise that maybe they have to work harder on their fan fictions when it looks like this.
Also, I feel sorry for Ashley and would like a few more scenes from the Camp.

Funky Espeon
14th February 2005, 11:38 PM
How could someone rate this fic so low? I read it on your site, and I can conclude that this is one of the best parodies I've ever read. It's realistic, yet it can make fun of everything wrong with fanfiction and do that hilariously. I've giving it 5 stars, not to counter the bad ratings, but because it definately deserves it.

Random Trainer
16th February 2005, 4:22 AM
Besides the spam, this is a great fic! One of the best I've read. Great parody Dragonfree! Hey, maybe you can use spam in your story. Heheh *thinks of possibilities* Anyways update soon!

Brian Powell
16th February 2005, 11:23 AM
Dragonfree…

First off, I think this fic is very funny, mainly because of the way Ashley reacts to things.

Not only, there are a lot of things I like a lot about this fic, like descriptions and such. The length is kinda short, but it doesn’t really matter. Actually, this fanfic reminds of the proper books I’ve read in the past.

Even though I found this fanfic a humorous one, I also see this as a guide to everyone who writes bad fanfics (those who don’t give proper description of things or those who write ‘kindergarten’ length stories, etc).

Speaking of which, I looked at your sig, saying that a bunch of people gave this fic a one star and saying you suck… I have a theory that these people might be the people who write bad fics and refuse to accept the fact that they do.

Overall: What can I say? I enjoy reading this fic and I look forward to more of it. And to add another comment, I see you as the English teacher of this forum. You may not like what I just (I can tell), but I’m saying this as a compliment.

PS: I’ve yet to read your other fanfic ‘Quest for the legends’, but I’ll get round to it *Checks the amount of pages in your thread*… sooner or later.

Noveskan
16th February 2005, 9:40 PM
Hey, I just started reading this fic. Hilariuos. I wonder what kind of crap her author will do next. rated it five stars.

PDL
17th February 2005, 5:09 PM
is this fic being updated anymore?

because all I see now is a petty flamewar on ratings... and inappropiate links to stuff I don't need to see this early in the morning

Charsel
18th February 2005, 8:38 AM
eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr, wuick question, this might sound like spam, but is this fic finished, or you've got writers block and havnt posted for quite a while?
<Char;005;>

Dragonfree
18th February 2005, 5:11 PM
a = This is not my main fic.
b = I've got writer's block.
c = I'm in love.
a + b + c = Be patient.

Another equation for MewMan:

Prank = Spam
Mod = -Spam + Warning

Therefore, Prank + Mod = Warning.

Flaming Lip
18th February 2005, 11:31 PM
Acutally, that is considered spam, since it has nothing to do with Dragonfree's fic. :) Rather ironic that you are spamming to tell me not to spam.


err... that was also spam.


Well Dragonfree it has been a while hasn't. I never got to do a proper review so here it is.

Interset score
Very intersting and original. The first chapter was enougth to grab my attention. I like the references to other fics. I hope mine isn't as bad as the story's fic 25/25

length score
Well the chapters are short but they do what they need to do. Justified these chapters are short for a reason but it just makes me want more.
21/25

Grammer
Nothing to say here; you got very few mistakes... um... next topic 23/25

Choice of words
The most important part of a story; the discriptions were dead on and every word was well placed. This fic has a lot of potential; happy writing. 25/25

Total Score
94/100 very good an A keep it up

Dragonfree
19th February 2005, 4:29 AM
Enough. Now I'm just deleting the off-topic posts...

Trillian
21st February 2005, 10:22 PM
I voted 5 stars. This has to be one of the most imaginative stories I've read, and I think it's about time people started realising what exactly makes a fanfic 'bad'. This parody does the job superbly. Looking forward to more of it, but don't rush yourself! ;)

Anyway, keep up the great standard.

HK
25th February 2005, 12:36 AM
Hmm... no reviews for three days!! So I'm not in danger of bumping or replying to a month's old post!! >> Besides, this is a review anyway. Also, I told ya' to expect a review in the near future, didn't I Dragonfree?

Just the title is enough to click on this, but then people realize, 'Oh wait, Dragonfree wrote this... there must be a catch!!'. Yeah, there is. A parody that has damn near all of the bad writings put together into one. And may I add, quite a well done one at that, and only three chapters in too.

Ashley Ketchum Waterflower, damn, how creative. :p That is an insult to those who decide to just use the dub names from the series, and you somehow get Ashley's frustrations about that, and numerous other things, out very nicely. The Articuno as a first Pokemon was a bit random, I would've choosen something along the lines of Mewtwo or Lugia, but it is your choice. Afterall, Ashley deserves the best Pokemon for being the daughter of the amazing Pokemon Master/Professor, Ash Ketchum and the lovely and beautiful Gym Leader of Cerulean City, Misty Waterflower!!!!!!!!111!!!11oneone!!one11oneone!!! :p Sorry, couldn't resist.

I like the perspective of the people created by those types of authors. While I haven't read 'Agony In Pink', or any of the stories you have mentioned, I have seen some rather interesting things. While that stuff doesn't make me want to puke or whatever, it does make me cringe just a little bit thinking about it. While looking at it in a retrospective point of view, it is humorous if you use it... well, I guess the way you used it.

Also, I like how you made Ashley's rival, 'Teh Meanie!'. XD Even though I am slightly guilty of that myself, I do think that it is over-done with making the rival of the main hero/antagonist cocky. My excuse? That rival is Gary Oak in my case, and well, he is supposed to be cocky! Otherwise, he would be considered OOC, or whatever. BTW, nice job on mentioning the OOC's out there. While it can be overlooked if it is just once or twice, and it isn't a big deal, when a character is twisted so any person in the universe can be put in there shoes (Well, not everyone... -.-) and go through that exact situation.

As for the star ratings, I'll give ya' a five, and not just to bring it up out of kindness. This fic certainly deserves it, and while I do undwerstand the concept of 'balancing out the fics', not telling that you are doing so and explain your reasons why is stupid and slightly cowardly. Try to look past it though, because reviews really matter more than a stupid star rating.

All in all, this is an amazing parody that I hope that all new writers take a look at before attempting to write any kind of Pokemon story. Honestly, if we can cut down on all of the nOOb fics out there, it would help out a helluva lot. So I do hope that you continue with it Dragonfree, and I wish you luck on Chapter Four and any other future works of writing that may come to the internet. Until my next review, later.

Jolteon's Thunder Cloud
12th March 2005, 4:57 AM
My friend Katie right here, -Katie says hi- wants the link to Pokemon Breeding center 3. Nooooooooooo, not for reading and natstiness, but because she is making a collection of really stupid fan-fiction and is going to make a website once she hits thirty stupid fics. Currently she has 17.

But to stay on topic, I like how this story is going so far. It keeps your eyes peeled you know? Definately five astars for creativeness and the like.

charizardpal
14th April 2005, 3:34 AM
Also, I like how you made Ashley's rival, 'Teh Meanie!'. XD Even though I am slightly guilty of that myself, I do think that it is over-done with making the rival of the main hero/antagonist cocky. My excuse? That rival is Gary Oak in my case, and well, he is supposed to be cocky! Otherwise, he would be considered OOC, or whatever. BTW, nice job on mentioning the OOC's out there. While it can be overlooked if it is just once or twice, and it isn't a big deal, when a character is twisted so any person in the universe can be put in there shoes (Well, not everyone... -.-) and go through that exact situation.

.


Actually, observe Gary at the end of the Johto season. He does totally change his character and become WAY OoC. Its actually sad, and comical how he suddenly is clasping Ash's hand, wishing him to continue to do his best, and being praised for his spontaneous deciscion (supposively long thought out) to become a pokemon researcher, as pokemon have 'obviously' always impressed him by their abillities to evolve. One example where fanfiction can be better than the show writers...

Back on topic: I like this idea. It presents writer flaws in an entertaining fashion.

Dragonfree
2nd June 2005, 5:25 PM
Wow, new chapter. Who would've thought?

I don't like the ending, and it's not particularly funny (apart from one bit). But it's educating for new writers. Next chapter will have the next part of Ashley's story, so it's going to be funnier.





Chapter 4

“Oh, hi, Ashley!” Abby greeted merrily. “How was your chapter?”

“Lousy,” Ashley sighed. “I got to know my meanie rival, I battled his Charmander, I won and he abandoned his Charmander so I saved it because I’m so nice. Oh, and the dialogue was in script format.”

Abby looked pained. “Well, we’ll hope your author improves. Speaking of which, any reviews?”

“Yep,” Ashley replied. “Six of them.”

Abby raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s true what they say, that bad fics usually get more replies. Any proper ones?”

“Three of them had a point.” Ashley paused. “What’s the usual?”

Abby shrugged. “Well, it differs between where exactly the fic is being posted.”

“Oh,” Ashley replied blankly. “Well, I don’t know where that is.”

“We can never know, but it can’t be a very sensible place if you half of yours made no sense – I assume that’s what you meant?”

“Well, one of the others did say it was short,” Ashley admitted. “But they claimed that otherwise there was ‘nothing wrong’ so… oh man, that person is to be felt sorry for.”

She stared at a shadow who had just appeared in the room. Unlike most of the other shadows, who at least were shaped enough for her to be able to tell that they were girls, this one was just like a cloud of absolutely formless, wispy mist. It didn’t even have a name written across it. Actually, it could have been a Pokémon for all she could tell, but this house was only for human girls so that must at least have been the author’s intention.

The shadow walked – or hovered – over to them.

“What is this room we are located in?”

“This is the human girls’ house of the Pokémon Fanfiction Character Camp,” Abby answered immediately. “This is where you will stay between your chapters. How was your first chapter?”

The shadow shrugged, or at least Ashley imagined that was what she was doing. “Not disappointing, although rather too short to tell for certain.”

“Well, I think I can tell a lot of things about the fic already,” Ashley commented.

“Why?” asked the shadow. Ashley raised an eyebrow in disbelief; had the shadow not noticed her own lack of description?

“Ashley,” Abby hissed in her ear, “she’s probably an Exception.”

“Exception?” Ashley asked curiously.

“It means,” the shadow explained, “that my appearance is not a result of my author’s inability to describe me, but rather lack of reason to do so.”

“Huh?” Ashley just said.

“My chapter was a prologue,” the shadow continued. “In order to create suspense, my author shrouded my identity in mystery. The writing is rather advanced and I am true to my personality, so I would call it promising.”

Ashley blushed. “Sorry… I’ve never met an Exception before.”

“You are forgiven,” said the shadow. “You cannot be blamed for assuming the obvious.” She sighed. “I am fortunate, but I can tell you are not quite so much so.”

“No,” said Ashley miserably. “My name is Ashley Ketchum Waterflower.”

The shadow sighed sympathetically. “Good luck.”

Then she floated away.

“Are there any more Exceptions?” Ashley asked Abby.

“Yeah, of course,” Abby replied. “Want to meet some?”

Ashley shrugged, and Abby took her arm and dragged her towards a shadow who was chatting with a few other girls in a corner. Ashley stopped to stare. The name written across the shadow was “WENDY MARY-SUE GOODY TWO-SHOES”.

“Hi, Wendy,” said Abby cheerfully.

Wendy turned around. “Hi,” she greeted back. “Oh – hi, Ashley.” She snickered.

“Look who’s talking,” said Ashley, still staring at Wendy’s name. Abby cracked up.

“Wendy’s fic is a parody,” she said, laughing.

“Yeah,” Wendy confirmed. “My name was deliberately chosen to be absolutely ridiculous. The ‘Wendy’ is supposed to sound like 1D, or one-dimensional. Then ‘Mary-Sue’ is self-explanatory, and the ‘Goody Two-Shoes’ part is because I’m that type of a Mary-Sue. Parodies are really fun to star in most of the time.”

“What is your fic like?” Ashley asked curiously.

“Well,” Wendy began, “I got a Kyogre from Professor Firewood. Then I found an injured Mew and I felt so sorry for it that my magical healing powers that I had never known about healed it. It was so thankful that it decided to travel with me. Then I met an old woman who said I looked trustworthy so she gave me a Pichu egg. I took so good care of it that it hatched just as I entered the next city, and Pichu loved me immediately. Then it told me that its mom had been taken away by Team Rocket, and I swore to beat Team Rocket and find its mom. Then two Team Rocket members called Calamity and Jane with a talking Skitty appeared, and Pichu blasted them off with a Thundershock. Then we went to the Gym and I used my Pichu versus the Gym Leader’s Steelix and won because my Pichu has Teh 00ber Awesum Speshul Powah of D00m. And then it’s just the next chapter.” Wendy grinned as Ashley and Abby tried to contain their laughter.

“I wish my fic was a parody,” Ashley finally sighed. “Then all the horridness would just be funny.”

“But hey, you’re not the unluckiest person here,” Wendy pointed out. “Just think about what Misty has to go through. She will predictably be here until the end of time, starring in a billion fics – some of them good, admittedly – and being Out of Character. Just be thankful you’re an original character. You will presumably just have one fic written about you, and odds are it won’t be finished either since trainer fics are almost never finished. And after that you’ll escape to freedom – out there.” She pointed to the window; outside it was beautiful landscape with cute Pokémon hopping around.

“I want out,” Ashley murmured, staring longingly out there.

“Sorry, but not until you will never be written about again,” said Abby, patting her back. “Don’t worry. Your author will give up sooner or later. People almost never keep writing a fic for that long. Although I knew this girl who was in a fic that keeps getting revised again and again because her author absolutely won’t give up on improving it. But if that happens to you, your author will at least be improving so it won’t be that bad.”

“But I want out!” Ashley whined.

“You’ll get out,” Abby reassured her. “Just try to survive while your author struggles with your story…”

MewMan
2nd June 2005, 6:18 PM
Ah, an intresting chapter you have there! Although, a parody in a parody is a little confusing :p

Zappy.
2nd June 2005, 7:36 PM
Lol, A paradoy within a parody. Great chapter, Dragonfree, I loved how you included the "Exception" and you made a little note about yourself. I'm glad you finally updated, because I love this fic. ^^ Can't wait 'til the next chapter!

Chibi Pika
2nd June 2005, 8:50 PM
Lol, I like Wendy. *snickers* The whole Exception idea is an interesting concept, never thought about that before.

Although I knew this girl who was in a fic that keeps getting revised again and again because her author absolutely won’t give up on improving it. But if that happens to you, your author will at least be improving so it won’t be that bad.”
Lol, sounds like my fic. XP

Nice chappie, Dragonfree.

~Chibi~;249-d;

Psychic
2nd June 2005, 10:48 PM
Nice as usual. (Man, it gets sooo boring to say that to you over and over!)

Heh, the idea of the Exception was good, but I especially liked Wendy. And I liked the parody example too-so ridiculos it could only be written with the intention of being a parody. ^-^

But yea, when you were talking about the fic being revised over and over, I was sure you were talking about May, but of course that could be from any fic with a female character. Still, I thought of her immediately.

Anyways, nice again, but maybe it could have been...I dunno, somehow funnier? Meh, ignore me, I be just weird. :P

~Psychic

indigestible_wad
3rd June 2005, 1:28 AM
“We can never know, but it can’t be a very sensible place if you half of yours made no sense – I assume that’s what you meant?”
That you makes no sense there.

Another interesting chapter. It wasn't funny, like you mentioned, but it did have a lot of useful information. As most of the parody fics have died down now, this will be more recognized by people.

Kijuna
4th June 2005, 5:25 AM
Although I knew this girl who was in a fic that keeps getting revised again and again because her author absolutely won’t give up on improving it.

I wonder if that's the fanfic equivalent of a pop culture reference. Also, "How was your chapter?" is now added to my list of catchphrases.

Mew King
4th June 2005, 6:17 PM
Yay! My favorite story is back again! *Gives Dragonfree 1000 cookies* This truely shows the true side to crappy fics...in a funny way!

Brian Powell
6th June 2005, 11:53 AM
XDDD
This fic... it's just really weird, and in a very good way!

Once again, Dragonfree, you've done a marvelous of showing those bad writers a thing or two.

After what Ashley is going through, I don't blame her for wanting out and I loved the way she reacts over being in a crappy fic.

Coming to think of it, I wonder what Black Jack (My main character from Pokemon Impact) is thinking about me?

HK
17th June 2005, 1:36 AM
Whoa... that was a long wait for Chapter 4. But it was worth it.

This chapter wasn't so much funny (although it certainly had its moments, like when Wendy was talking about how her Pichu won against the Gym Leader's Steelix because Pichu has "Teh 00ber Awesum Speshul Powah of D00m" XD), but like others have mentioned, I actually enjoyed the explanation of an "Exception". Well, I guess in a way, you are putting your own parody in a parody about the parody of your parody?

... What the hell did I just say?

Anyway, I look forward to more of this. Personally I think that this should be stickied or something as a guide to nOObs of fanfiction. (I am not trying to suck up here. >> :p) Well, until my next review or whatever the hell. Later

Teikra
17th June 2005, 7:10 PM
This is my first ever post. I like this fic. If I ever start to write, this should help me with description. To keep this reply from being SPAM, I noticed in chapter three that Charmander and Articuno came out of their pokeballs even though the author of Ashley's fic never said that they did.

Espeon Of The Mist
21st June 2005, 8:43 PM
Dragonfree, you have "Teh 00ber Awesum Speshul Powah of D00m"!

Question, though... Will Miss Exception come back, after her next chapter, still a shadow? She should be a real person, right? Non-blobby?

intergalactic platypus
3rd July 2005, 5:10 AM
excellent fic, very funny, reminds me of every mary sue ive ever read. oh, and i read agony in pink and not only was it disgusting and horrible, but the writing was bad too. never seen anything like it

Willow's Tara
3rd July 2005, 5:25 AM
Hey great chapter again, very funny, I wonder what story you were talking about with The Execption.

intergalactic platypus
3rd July 2005, 8:03 PM
my favorite is "teh meanie!" its a great character and so true

DarkScyther1010
28th July 2005, 5:13 PM
Hey, long time no see. I really enjoyed this story, because it is so insightful into all forms of fanfiction. The idea is completely original which is a plus- and we get to see some subtle noobie-fic bashing as well. I really enjoyed chapter three- the battle between the shadows of Charmander and Articuno that wasn't exactly a battle cracked me up. Even though this fic is based primarily on dialogue you can still get the sense of everything that is going on well, without the use of too much description. I'm looking forward to chapter 5.

slashed

Sike Saner
28th July 2005, 10:38 PM
I took way the frell too long in getting around to checking this out...

I adore parodies. They prove that there is justice in the world and that everything in existence, however wretched, has its place and purpose in existence. After all, without crap, there would be no parodies and the delight which they bring. (Egods, I said "delight"...)

That's a neat little support group for Mary-Sues you've got there. I'd ship that one whom I shamefully once wrote off to that camp, were it not for the fact that I managed to slay the stupid little twit through massive revision. *gestures towards the head of Morgan 1.0 impaled upon a pike*

I look forward to future chapters...can't wait 'til Ashley has her first gym battle...or meets the evil boy-girl-talking Pokémon combo...This is going to be boss. :p

Mighty Hyena
14th August 2005, 11:31 PM
My own personal crusade on this forum is against Mary-Sues, and this is a great fic: it shows exactly why all those newb fics fail. After all, good intentions quite often don't work out.

This isn't quite laugh-out-loud hilarious, but it's still pretty amusing. (I am so jaded. And I didn't even read Agony in Pink!) There are actually a lot of MS parodies out there.

Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens with the first gym battle. Somehow, they always win, even with a type disadvantage. -_-'

Dragonfree
14th September 2005, 1:18 AM
Whee. This one is a bit different from your standard parody, since the main point of it is actually making fun of reviewers more than authors... oh, and it's short. Sorry. Next chapter will hopefully be longer.




Chapter 5

To reviewers:

Ashley felt like she was dreaming. She had to be. Her Author’s voice was echoing and strange.

--Ack! Script format! Look, no offense or anything, but if something has script format, it sucks. Goodbye, I won’t be reading this anymore.

Yeah, just go!!! I don’t want an idiot like you reading my story anyway!

--Although the person before me was a bit mean, I’m afraid that script (this ‘Name: Line’ format) is not at all the best way to write dialogue. It can’t portray emotion in voices just like this, for example – are they sounding angry, nervous or happy? It is possible to write proper full script, but that’s clearly not what you’re doing. Instead, you should put the speech in quotation marks – come to think of it, didn’t you do that in the first chapter? Do that instead of writing the script dialogue – it makes the fic much better. And you might want to indicate emotion in the people’s voices in your narration. Otherwise the conversations seem dull.

Lastly, the ending seemed… very rushed. It was like you were itching to post it so you just quickly finished the chapter. Don’t do that; always put some real time and effort into the entire chapter, including the end.

Well, I’ll be reading. See ya!

Thanks, I’ll try that. ^_^

“Wow,” Ashley muttered. “With a few more of this guy’s reviews, my author might actually get better. I hope.”

--What sort of a battle was that? She told Articuno to use Ice Beam, and then… Charmander fainted? How is that possible? Articuno didn’t even attack. You never said it did. And OHKOs are lame.

That rival is eye-rollingly fake.

Saving an abandoned Charmander in the rain – hmm, where have we seen that before?

And script… *pukes*

This, kids, is why you should learn how to write before attempting it.

You’re so mean!!! Why don’t you just leave me alone!!!

Ashley sighed to herself. It was clear that her author would never listen to this reviewer unless he or she toned their reviews down.

--Great chapter! Nice job! Keep it up!

^_^ Thanks, I will!

--Again, rather short, but it’s still good!

Thanks! I’ll be trying to improve on the length.

--Nice! But you might want to do some more description. You need to describe EVERYTHING! Tell us what everything looks like, because you can’t just assume we all know. And never use the word ‘said’! You can use a thesaurus to think of alternatives!

I’ll do that! Thanks for reviewing! ^_^

There didn’t appear to be any more reviews now, since Ashley faded away into her fic.

-------

Ashley hurried to the next city, Viridian City! Her Charmander was really hurt. She took him to the Pokémon Center.

It was a big building with white walls. It also had a red roof. There was a sign in front of it that said “Pokémon Center” with letters that were big and red…

Ashley sighed and sat down on the absolutely undescribed ground while the details of the building in front of her were slowly filled in through an absurdly long descriptive passage with way too many occurrences of the word “red”. In the end she just took a nap.

Ashley walked into the Pokémon Center.

She snapped awake in an instant, stood up and did as the Author told, walking into the richly-described Pokémon Center. Naturally, the interior was completely shadowed.

The walls inside were white. Then there was a white counter at the end of the room…

“Oh, not again!” Ashley shouted in frustration, but her pleas were ignored and she had to listen to another boring, long paragraph of description.

Ashley walked up to the counter and read: “I’d like you to heal my Pokémon, please.”

She had positively no idea why that was written on the counter, but she read it aloud anyway. It was very awkward, but the perfectly-described pink-haired nurse in front of her didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ll take your Pokémon,” Nurse Joy performed and carried her Pokéballs to the back room.

Ashley was positively weirded out by Nurse Joy’s sudden decision to start acting out that line, complete with grabbing the Pokéballs from her waist and “NURSE JOY” suddenly appearing written across her face, but Ashley just stared after the nurse as she entered a room at the back with Ashley’s Pokéballs.

Soon Nurse Joy was done healing Ashley’s Pokémon.

“We hope to see you again!” she ejaculated. Ashley walked out with her Pokémon again.

Ashley wondered why Nurse Joy was blurting it out like that, but just gave her a strange look and walked out.

Next Ashley went to the Gym. It was…

“ARRRGH! NO MORE!” Ashley screamed, curling up in a foetal position on the floor while covering her ears as the Gym was lengthily described.

There were some Rocket members there wearing black suits with red R’s on the front and black hats. They were really mean. They had Raticate, Zubat and Koffing, but Charmander and Articuno beat them all.

The last two sentences were played fast forward; Ashley just barely caught a glimpse of her Articuno and Charmander shadows apparently fighting some other shadows, and the word “MEANIE” flashing rapidly across the Rockets’ faces.

Then a man came! He was wearing an orange suit and had black hair! It was the evil boss of Team Rocket, Giovanni!

Ashley barely caught a glimpse of the man as “The evil boss of Team Rocket, Giovanni” appeared in his face, but then everything faded away with the last line:

To be continued!!!

Psychic
14th September 2005, 1:43 AM
Meh, it was short for you, Dragonfree. Seemed a bit rushed, as if you just wanted to get in there, prove your point and get out as soon as you could.

I did like it, though, but the way Ashley's author was so quick to add mountains of description surprised me. Usually the writer tries to add in a few more sentences of description here and there, so this seemed a bit fake to me.



--Nice! But you might want to do some more description. You need to describe EVERYTHING! Tell us what everything looks like, because you can’t just assume we all know. And never use the word ‘said’! You can use a thesaurus to think of alternatives!
This reviewer sounded like me, only I usually go crazy telling the author about description and I try to cover all aspects of the story.



Yea, you just rushed through it a good bit, and as I have told many writers-I don't care how long I have to wait for the chapter, as long as the finished product is well-written. I think you could have taken more time to jazz it up a bit more, try to get into the right mood to write, but I understand how a lot of people are telling you to just expell the chapter as quickly as possible (idiots).


Well, I hope to read more and maybe next time you'll take all the time you need.

~Psychic

Kijuna
14th September 2005, 6:36 AM
XD! That was easily the best one yet. *puts a gold star sticker on it* It was just a wee bit unbelievable, but it was funny as hell, and that's what counts.

indigestible_wad
16th September 2005, 2:22 AM
Wow. Forced description sucks. I've seen it first hand. Well, people can only get better, can't they?

Elemental Charizam
16th September 2005, 1:55 PM
Hmm, that was very short, and it read kinda rushed as well; ironic that one of the reviewers in the fic said the same thing. I agree with Psychic, it felt to me like you were just writing it to prove your point about description :/

It was still quite funny, and illicited a chuckle whith the obvious thesaurus words for said. I can't remember another parody ever bringing that up...

Sike Saner
16th September 2005, 7:05 PM
That was great...although, at the very least, I would have liked for that go on longer just to see more ridiculous substitutions for "said" ("performed" was just frickin' hilarious). And, of course, we had to have...the Random Appearance of Giovanni! Priceless.

Brian Powell
16th September 2005, 10:21 PM
Brilliant. When I got to the end of the fic, I started laughing. Why? A bit obvious isn't it? I laughed at some of the reviews and the responses also, so funny! Personally, I sound like the second reviewer but I'd be more a little more sacastic when I'm giving a review like that.

I love that Ashley character and I feel sorry for ther at the same time, having to suffer being in a crappy fic (Not your's but Ashley's author... this could get confusing).

EC, you mentioned the chapter being short and rushed, I don't think it matters, cos as long as it's funny then it doesn't matter because that is what matters.

Overall score (so far): 5 out of 5
Advice: You've won a bunch of awards last time and I only won one. I can give no other advice than this, keep up the good work.

Elemental Charizam
16th September 2005, 10:25 PM
The shortness is not of much importance, but the rushing is :/ I found it mildly amusing, but nothing compared to the laugh-out-loud moments this fic usually induces.

IMO, obviously...

ø®ΑпGЗ ♠
17th September 2005, 4:10 AM
Nameless Author, you have good spelling and grammar, but have a hard time expressing and expanding your ideas. Those two Rockets battle Ashley and before you know what happened, they are OHKO! You need to describe more. Why do the Rockets battle Ashley? You should read more books, that will tell you what words in which parts of sentences. You should also have someone else read it to see if they like it before publishing it on the web. If they don't, ask them what is bad. Then edit and repeat if it is bad.

This is one off few non one-shot fics I read.

Chibi Pika
25th September 2005, 5:46 AM
*Dies from insane laughter* I've never stopped to think what happens if a n00b takes advice without using much sense. The synonyms for said were just plain friggin hilarious and I learly died when she read her dialogue off of the counter XP

~Chibi~;249;<?>;rukario;

Feleena
25th September 2005, 9:08 PM
Wow, I love this! I've read several parody fics, but this is the best! I cracked up when Nurse Joy 'ejaculated.' *snicker* And the reviewers! (meaning the ones in the chapter, just avoid confusion) Some of them were mean, some were wise, others, like the 'author,' need help. Poor, poor Ashley!

Please keep writing!

~Feleena

Praxiteles
16th February 2006, 3:49 PM
Good stuff, Dragonfree! I was only planning to look around, since I was immensely bored, but I decided to review this.

It's strange; I get serious when there's a parody and all merry when there's a sobre one. I think I'll start by expressing a few things I noticed:

1. No offense, but I noticed that the Author sounded a bit like you at the start (that is, if you accepted a few gallons of overfermented Fael'nirv or something). Just somehow, it struck me subconsciously.

2. The chain of writing seems to be something like:

You > Abby & Other Authors > All other Characters
Where > = made

Is it?

3. The Author is going on like the boy in the folk tale, Lazy Jack (which I remember reading when I was four), if you know what I mean (even though you won't). (Anonymous) always takes advice and seriously exaggerates it, as if (Nameless Creature) doesn't even have common sense. I mean, I'm ten, yet I can tell how weird it would be if someone 'read' a request to heal pokemon to Nurse Joy and the once-sane Nurse 'performed' her acceptance. But I have to agree, it definitely adds to the comedy.

4. Taking your system, the Camp would be absolutely nothing but a fireplace and shadows where everyone sit.

5. The most unfortunate character would be Nurse Joy, since she appears on any trainer fic with a Pokemon Center, not just ones with inoriginal characters like Ash or Misty.

BTW, I can stomach anything, I've decided (after reading Agony in Pink, which made me puke only because of the sheer immaturity of it), so can you PM me the name of that worst fic you read that you mentioned? Remember, Agony in Pink only gave me a nice nap at the start of Chapter 3, so don't worry.

Dragonfree
16th February 2006, 6:38 PM
1. o.O Huh?

2. Yes, that's the general idea.

3. Trust me, there ARE people who do that. That may have been a bit exaggerated, but people do use completely unfitting words after being advised to use a thesaurus.

4. :P No, it wouldn't. I gave a brief description of the room in the first scene the Character Camp was in.

5. Well, Nurse Joy isn't that unfortunate, since her appearances are always extremely brief and she's rarely made to do much. Besides that they're different Nurse Joys.

And no, I'm not going to give you the name of the sickest fic I've ever read. Both because you do NOT want to read it, and because I don't remmeber what it was called. =P

Praxiteles
17th February 2006, 10:45 AM
XD *falls out of seat in laughter* I love it when people go like that! Anyways... how do I say this? *checks writing, trying to figure out how it's similar* Okay, I saw these similarities:

(i) First of all, the style of writing is the same. You use the same expressions.

(ii) If someone got you OOC-ishly mad, you could say the responses to some of the bad reviews was the same as what you would say.

Still, you got the things pretty well in TEH MEANIE's chapter. If you're already using a voice other than your own to write the Author's story, congrats, if not, you should start.

Rani Fernleaf
20th February 2006, 5:15 PM
Ashley gave him a strange look. “Dad,” she said unsurely, “isn’t Articuno a Legendary Pokémon?”

“Of course it is,” he replied. “But what wouldn’t I do for my lovely little Mary-Sue of a daughter?”

She shrugged.

This made me laugh. 'My lovely little Mary-Sue of a daughter...'

And of course, 'performed,' 'ejaculated,' and 'read.' LAWL.


“ARRRGH! NO MORE!” Ashley screamed, curling up in a foetal position on the floor while covering her ears as the Gym was lengthily described.

Pfffh....-snort-

I was reading through the reviews, and seriously: WHERE DO YOU FIND ALL THOSE RAPEFICS? I'm not against them or anything. But you don't normally see stuff like that popping up in Serebii, right?


I suddenly want to have a peek at them. See what you made me do? XD

The words 'Pokemon Breeding Centre 3' is circling in my head 0_0 Off to sleep.

Kijuna
27th February 2006, 6:49 PM
It's been far too long since an update.

Please, new chapter! *cries*

Seijiro Mafuné
27th February 2006, 11:10 PM
Okay, I read only the first page, but... *Starts the 'OFU' dance, but screaming 'FCC' instead of 'OFU'*

That means it's good, by the way.

Anyway, after reading everything else... I am gonna have nightmares for my toes. And I haven't even read those fics yet!

And... let's just wait for new chapters, aye?

Legend
13th March 2006, 1:16 AM
Very good. I've learned a couple of things from this.

I too, look forward to a new chapter, but I bet QFL:ILCOETH is your priority, isn't it?

Your use of Wendy and the shadow girl are great..

EDIT:

Argh! Can't post properly! Okay, I also hope to see more characters with flaming red hair. Although people might find that a bit repetitive.

And I hope no one else "reads" or "ejaculates" :)

Dr. Thinker
18th June 2006, 10:57 AM
Well, this one of the my favorite here on Serebii.net. By the way, I bet you some web site cookies that that fictional writter is posting over at the Pit of Vole (a.k.a. Fanfiction.net.) Some of my stories there get good reviews.

Logging off,
Dr. Thinker