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Pkfire0
8th January 2012, 12:06 AM
This is my first try at a fanfic. I hope you enjoy.




Prolouge



Long ago in the world of pokemon, 3 scientists had captured a ditto to do experiments on it. The ditto had became the best friend to the scientists, it did whatever they said. However, one day the scientists decided that they had done enough research on the ditto, so they killed it. Not like fainting it but KILLING it. The dittos spirit was angry at the 3 scientists, and it could not rest in peace until it got revenge. The ditto first had to find a new body. It took over the body of a machamp, leaving the machamp's soul non existent. The ditto kept moving forward, untill he found a female machamp. The ditto fell in love with that machamp, and had babies with her. There were 3 eggs, two of which hatched and became powerful baby machops. The third however didn't hatch untill 6 months after the other 2. In those 6 months a long list of things happened to the egg. It was, poached by a group of mightyennas, burnt by a cyndaquill, stolen by a group of Pidgeys, and constricted by a tentacool. The 2 parents had died to a group of hitmonlees, but the 2 babies were alive. The two baby machops never cared for the egg so they left it. Finally the egg hatched, but what was inside wasnt a machop. It looked like something made from minecraft. It looked like a long block with grey and white spots on it. This was MissingNo. MissingNo's egg had so many pokemon's dna on it, so when it came out it was all 17 types. MissingNo had learned moves from all 17 types. MissingNo had vowed to take it's revenge on all the people and pokemon who had mistreated it or its family, including the scientists. MissingNo had failed and got captured by a sinister group called team Galaxy.
Two years ago MissingNo escaped, and hasn't been found yet.



Chapter 1

*note when I say I im talking about grey unless said otherwise

"Grey time to wake up" I heard my mom say.
"5 more minutes ok?" I said
"You don't want to be late to Professor Sprout's. Do you?"
I woke up immediately.

This young kid is Grey the hero of the story. He is a late sleeper, and is on his way to the professor to get his first pokemon.

I walked outside to see my rival Black.

"Hey Grey it seems your to slow all the pokemon are gone from Gramps" Said Black

That guy is Black. He is evil as the color black and is always trying to mess with Grey. His first pokemon was a chinchou.

"So." I said and kept walking.

I made it to the lab.

"Hello Grey you are to slow all the pokemon are taken" Said Professor Sprout.

That is Prof. Sprout. He is one with nature.

"So just give me some pokeballs and I'll catch one myself."

"Alright here is 5 pokeballs but be careful" The Professor said as he handed them to me.

"What ever" I said as I spat on the ground.

I walked up to route 1

"Ok now lets catch our self a pokemon" I shouted.

My shout attracted a wismur. I threw a pokeball at it and it caught it.

"Yahoo I caught a Wismur, now lets bring it out."

I brought out wismur from its pokeball.

"Hi wismur how ya doing"

"Whis Whis"

It seemed to like me.

"Now whismur return."

"Uh Uh Wis Wis"

"You like it here?"

"Wis Wis" whismur said excitedly

Just then I heard a familiar voice.

"Grey Grey!!!!" It was Prof Sprout."

"What"

"You almost forgot your pokedex"

"Oh, well look at my whismur"

"Wis Wis"

"Very cute and it fits you too" Prof Said

Just then something came out of the grass.

Professor Sprout said, "Thats MissingNo RUN!!!!"

"Why should we run?" I asked.

"Cause that thing could very easily kill us all" Sprout said.

"Oh Wait WHAT?" I said then took off running.

We reached the lab. I was panting.

"Whismur are you ok?" I asked, but there was no reply

"Wheres Whismur?" Sprout Asked

"I think we left him behind" I said Sadly

"Your not going out there are you?" Sprout asked

"I have to hes my buddy"

"Theres a chance you might not come back" Sprout said.

"I know but thats a risk I have to take"

I ran out the door flinging it open. I got back to route 1 and saw whismur trying to fight off MissingNo.

Will Whismur survive? Will Grey Help Whismur Out? Are my Pants on the ground? Find out next time on MissingNo: The ruler of pokemon

TeamRocketGrunt
8th January 2012, 12:17 AM
Keep writing, this is EPIC.

Treecko's Awesomeness
8th January 2012, 1:32 AM
I'm sorry. This was actively painful to read. It was so choppy I found it hard to keep going. I don't have time to tell you all the things you need to improve on, but I'll start by saying not to put "Narrator:" at the beginning of everything. Just put the narration in there. I'll try to include more helpful information next time, and I'm sorry for sounding harsh, but I suggest a major revamp.

Pkfire0
8th January 2012, 4:13 AM
Chapter 2

There It was, MissingNo. My whismur was trying to fight it.

"Whismur use Pound" I said.

My whismur did it. The Missingno countered with a water gun. My whismur was hurt. I didn't know what to do.

"Hey MissingNo Over Here!" I said while throwing rocks at it. The MissingNo was mad at me. It was chasing me.

"HELP HELP!!!!!" I said.

Just as I thought I was dead whismur appeared. It seemed to be charging up an attack. A deadly lazer came out of whismur's mouth

"WHIS MURRRRR" Said Whismur angrily as it used a move.

"ossdoifhjsadjkai94349p0cjh98ed823e8y423879yg" MissingNo said

The lazer hit MissingNo and made a huge explosion. When I could see again MissingNo had fled. I looked at whismur. He fainted. I took him back to the lab.

"Grey what happened? Is whismur hurt?" The professor asked.

"No whismur is ok he was fighting off MissingNo"

"Is that so? It must have a special bond to you. How unusual because you just caught it."

"whismur even used Hyper Beam"

"WOW, that is an advanced move only used by professionals." Sprout Asked

"MissingNo had fled after whismur used hyper beam" I said.

"Grey you will have to find MissingNo and destroy it or else it may destroy the world!" The Professor said.

Just then I felt a tug on my pants

"Whis Whis"

"You wana come to whismur?" I asked.

"Whis Whis"

"Alright Lets go" I said.

"Bye Professor" see you later

What will become of our heroes? Will I ever get a belt? Find out next time on MissingNo: the ruler of pokemon.

TeamRocketGrunt
8th January 2012, 7:56 PM
That MissingNo. has a lisp....XD

bobandbill
9th January 2012, 12:26 AM
TeamRocketGrunt, try some more detailed responses as short one-liner comments are against the Fan Fiction rules for reviews (say for instance go into more detail on what you liked/disliked and why).

Anyways, I'm going to have to close as this falls well short of the two-pages-minimum requirement we have for chapters here, Pkfire0.

One way to expand on length would be to include more description rather than telling us facts, which would also make for more interesting reading. For instance:

My whismur did it. The Missingno countered with a water gun. My whismur was hurt. I didn't know what to do.How was the move performed? And in what way was the Whismur hurt? Did it cry out or fall over? Including details that show us it is hurt rather than saying 'it was hurt' will tell us the same thing anyway, but in a more engaging way.


"Hey MissingNo Over Here!" I said while throwing rocks at it. The MissingNo was mad at me. It was chasing me.Same deal here - what details of the MissingNo's behaviour would indicate that it was mad at him? Saying 'it was mad at me' is an overly simple statement and not very exciting, and nor is 'It was chasing me' - rather consider showing us the chase itself, as that's easily an exciting part of the story that you should take advantage of. (There's also no need to capitalise 'over' there).


"What ever" I said as I spat on the ground.Various times you forgot to include punctuation in dialogue too - there should be a comma there after 'Whatever' (as one word btw, not two).

The plot is also a bit confusing; why must this protagonist have to be the one to stop MissingNo - wouldn't the police be able to be contacted or somesuch? What region is this set in; you mention route 1 but if it's Kanto (or Unova) then where is the usual professor? Why would they kill Ditto in the prologue in the first place and however did its spirit manage to possess Pokemon and give off strange offspring? And why 'team Galaxy' curiously (especially given we have a team called Team Galactic too, so that's pretty similar in name). There's a few things to address there in regards to plot.

Anyway, going to close due to aforementioned chapter length rules not attended to here.