View Full Version : Dawn of a Unova

13th January 2012, 1:51 AM
I have never done a fanfic before(or posted a thread, for the matter), and I probably made some mistakes. So please tell me if I have! Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it!;007;

The world of Pokémon is vast, where Pokémon and humans alike live together in peace and harmony. The Pokémon world is divided into several large chunks of land, formerly known as regions. One such region is called the Sinnoh region. In this region, there is a small town by the name of Twinleaf, a town that is known by few and perhaps inhabited by even less. In the southeastern part of town lies a modern sized family home, accompanied by the glorious view of a tender, well-kept garden in the backyard, and the crisp blades of fresh cut grass. The atmosphere of this house is so calm and relaxing-

"Moooooom!!! Where's my skirt?! I can't find it!" A girl hurriedly ran down the stairs in a worried state.

"Dawn, I just threw that out. I-" a woman, bearing much resemblance in appearance to the young girl, replied from the nearby kitchen, before she was rudely interrupted, of course.

"How could you throw out my skirt!?" The girl, Dawn, screamed out.

"Please don't interrupt me again when I'm speaking, dear. I was just going to tell you that my old colleague and best friend, Tara, sent some clothes for you in the mail." Dawn's mother, Johanna, picked up a box that was resting on the kitchen table and handed it promptly to Dawn.


"Thanks, mom." Dawn replied. Johanna directed her attention at the starly decorated clock mounted against the wall.

"It's already, 2:15, dear, are you sure you can make it by 3?" Johanna pointed out.

"No need to worry!" Dawn sang as she winked and hummed a sweet song as she skipped up the stairs, skipping steps of course.

"And that's when I worry the most," Johanna sighed. THUMP!
"Dawn, dear, what was that?" Johanna called.

"Oh, I just slipped on one of the steps. No need to worry!" Dawn called out. The mother sighed. Dawn carried the box into her room and locked the door. She slipped off her comfortable cotton pink footie pajamas that were decorated with two yellow stripes on the right side. She then tore open the box vigorously, because she was anxious to see what was inside. She peered inside and picked out a pair of blue denim "short shorts." Dawn decided to put those on first, and she stepped into them. But the pair of shorts were horribly tight, and she had to struggle to put them on. Dawn began hopping around the room like a clumsy clown on a pogo stick, trying to pull them up. After a good while, the shorts were pulled up, and as she buttoned up her shorts, Dawn uttered a sigh of relief.

Dawn reached into the box and pulled out a white t-shirt and a slim black jacket that did not button up. Thankfully, they were not nearly as difficult to put on as the shorts. Dawn put on a black pair of socks and her new brown boots, laced with pink shoelaces. She then sat in front of her pink vanity dresser and mirror, trying to decide what hairstyle she should put her natural blue-colored hair in. After much thought, she decided on her usual style of two bangs in front with the rest pulled towards the back. She then grabbed a cap out of the box, which was white with the image of a pink poke ball and with a pink brim as well, and put it on. She smiled at her reflection before getting up.

"Perfect," she complemented herself, as she grabbed the last item out of the box, a cute pink purse, and hurled it over her right shoulder. Dawn grabbed her Poketch off her dresser and ran downstairs.
"How much time do I have left?" Dawn asked her mother as she fastened the Pokémon watch upon her wrist.

"Just twenty minutes until the boat leaves. You better hurry on to Sandgem Town!"

"Okay mom, I love you then," Dawn said as she embraced her mom.

"And I love you too." Dawn broke the embrace and sped out the front door and hopped onto her pink bike.

"Bye, Mooooom!" Dawn yelled as she began to pedal.

"Goodbye, Dawn. I'll miss you." Johanna whispered too herself as her daughter pedaled off into the distance.

• • • •

In a place quite far away from Sinnoh, the Kanto region, lies the beautiful city of Cerulean. This gorgeous city harbors one of the best-known water type Pokémon Gyms in the world, the Cerulean Gym. Inside the gym, a red haired girl was cleaning the surface of the tanks that the water Pokémon lived in.

"Horseeeea" A small blue seahorse, named Horsea, greeted Misty with a warm smile.

"How do you like it, Horsea? I'm almost done."

"Horsea!" The Pokémon nodded its head yes. Misty giggled at her Horsea's cuteness. She was just about to wrap up her cleaning when she heard someone call out.

"Excuse me, is this perhaps the esteemed City Gym of Cerulean?" The voice asked.

"It sure is! Come on in!" Misty chimed. The figure moved into view. Misty could now make out a long blue dress, indicating that her visitor was a female. She wore her light brown hair out with a bright golden crown situated above her head. The girl had a togepi nestled in her arms. When Misty noticed it, that's when she made the connection.

"Princess Sara?!" Misty exclaimed.

"Well it's actually Queen Sara now. I was appointed queen a while ago." Sara giggled.

"Oh wow, congratulations! Soo... What brings you here?" Misty questioned.

"I came to bestow a present unto you, Misty." Sara stated.

"Really? You brought me a present? Thanks! Can I see it? Please?" Misty eagerly asked.

"Why, of course. Come here, darling!" Sara gestured her hand for someone to approach her. A white colored Pokémon with three spikes on its head and angelic like wings flew over to the girls. Misty's eyes sparkled with happiness.

"Togetic, is that really you?!" Misty dashed off into Togetic's direction. The Pokémon chirped a heartfelt "Togetic!" and flew into Misty's arms fir a heartwarming embrace.

"Togetic, I missed you." Misty whispered.

"Toge-Togetic." Tears had started flowing from the pair's faces. Tears of joy. Sara remained silent and watched, not wanting to ruin such a wonderful scene. After a few minutes, the two parted, and Misty began to speak.

“Thank you so much, Sara. I can’t even thank you enough.”

“Its quite all right,” Sara reassured, “Now that my togepi back home has evolved, and I am queen, there’s no more need for your togetic to stay at Mirage Kingdom. There’s something else I’d like to convey on to you, as well.”

“Really, what is it?” Misty questioned.

“I was watching a television program last week, and a commercial came on. It was pertaining to the Aqua Pokémon Contests being held in the far away Unova region”

Misty had a puzzled look on her face. “Aqua Pokémon Contest? What is that?”

Sara was delighted to answer Misty’s question. “An aqua Pokémon contest is basically a… um… contest,” Sara giggled, “In which Pokémon trainers skilled with the essence of water show off their Pokémon in an aquatic field.”

“That sounds awesome! What do you think, Togetic?” Togetic nodded its head yes. At that moment, a knight dressed in armor decorated like a togepi’s egg shell appeared.

“Your highness, I am sorry to interrupt, but we must be getting back to the kingdom now. You need to deliver your speech at the festival very soon.”

Sara gasped. “Oh, no! How could I have forgotten? Misty it was nice seeing you once again. Good luck to you on your journey!” The princess turned and followed the knight out the door. Misty waved and said goodbye to Sara. When she left, Misty’s eyes drooped as she just made a horrible realization.

“I’m a gym leader now! I just can’t leave to go on a journey!” Misty said in a saddened tone. A voice arose from the shadows, scaring poor Misty.

“Never fear, your guardian angels are here!” It didn’t take long for Misty to figure out who it was.

“Daisy, don’t scare me like that!” Misty yelled. The strange voice from the shadows was Daisy, Misty’s older sister, who just happened to overhear the conversation between Sara and Misty. But she was not alone. The other older siblings of the Waterflower family, Lily and Violet, had both accompanied Daisy.

“We couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, Misty.” Daisy said.

“And we would love to run the gym while you’re gone!” Violet added.

“Really,well then I better get going then!” Misty turned around to exit the gym.

“Hold it!” Lily grabbed Misty’s ponytail. “If you think that we’re going to let you perform in a contest on live Television looking like that, you’ve got to be joking.” Misty looked at herself. She hated to admit it, but it was true. Her attire of shorts, tennis shoes, and boyish ponytail wasn’t exactly the most girly.

“Yeah, you need a complete makeover! That tomboyish look is completely played out!” Daisy, chimed in, following Lilly and an unwilling Misty into the dresser room. Togetic followed the girls inside, but Violet closed the door shut from the outside.

“No boys are allowed in the dressing room, silly! How about you do me a favor?” Togetic gave a “Toge,” and Violet told him what to do. “Go in my room and grab a red bag in my closet, I’ve been saving it for Misty.” Togetic flew off into Violet’s room. Meanwhile, in the dressing room, chaos was stirring.

“What! I’m not wearing this!!!” There was shuffling and the shatter of a vase.

“Like, just put it on!”

“Yeah, totally!”

“Stop it now!”

“No! We’re almost done! Pin her down!


“I totally got it! Let’s go show Violet, like now!” The two older girls bust through the door.

“And now presenting, Misty!” Togetic had just arrived with the red bag and handed it to Violet. He looked in awe at his trainer. Misty was a sight to behold. Her hair was down; fashioned in the same way it was when she used to perform as the beautiful mermaid in Cerulean’s water shows. She wore a silky white Tank top with an imprint of the beautiful Cascade badge on the top right side. She had on a pair of “slightly short” yellow shorts and she wore brown boots with fur around the top.

“This just isn’t me, guys. I can’t wear this.”

“It’s okay Misty. The only thing those new clothes do is make you look super cute. Deep down, you’re always Misty, right?” Violet stated.

“…I guess your right. Yeah! This is great! Misty grabbed Togetic’s hands and spun around.

“Oh yeah,” Violet said, “I almost forgot, the finishing touch!” Violet handed Misty a red bag with a shiny gyarados drawn on it. “Its got a few of those things Pokémon trainers carry around with them and a ticket for the Cerulean Cape Airport plane to Unova.”

“All this for me!? Awww, thanks, you guys!”
“It’s nothing,” her older sisters replied as they embraced Misty in a hug. Then they broke apart, exchanged goodbyes, and parted ways. Once at the airport, Misty stopped.

“Togetic, ya’know there’s something I always wanted to do, and now I have the chance.

“Togetic?” The small white Pokémon cocked its head in puzzlement. Misty reached in her backpack and pulled out a red pokeball.

“Togetic, return!” Misty chanted as she held up the pokeball to Togetic, and a red light enveloped the Pokémon and sealed it comfortably inside the ball. Misty smiled at the Pokeball and placed it into her bag.

“Well, I’m off to Unova.”

14th January 2012, 8:48 PM
If you read my story, thank you very much! Once again, please tell me if I made any mistakes and thanks for reading! Here's the next chapter!
Chapter 1: Nuvema Town

Dawn could see buildings of perpetual length in front of her. The lush green grass of Twinleaf Town had turned into rocky pavement.

“Thank god! I’m finally in Sandgem Town! I wonder what time it is..?” Dawn glanced at her Poketch. The time was set at ten minutes to three.

“Oh no, no, no!” Dawn reached into her backpack and pulled out the postcard her mother had given her. It was from Tara, and it contained directions to the Sandgem Town Sea Port. She followed it and turned down Pearl Street. She pedaled as fast as she could. Then she stopped her bike right on the spot. She had turned right on to a dead end, and it cost her two whole minutes!
“Oh man, me and my great directions!” Dawn began to panic, going down street after street while trying to read her darned post card.

“Not there!”

“Wrong way!”

“I want my mom!” Dawn wailed.

"A left... and then a right. Or is it a right and then a left? Hmm... maybe the postcard's upside-down." Dawn frantically tried to make heads or tails of the postcard.

“This is sounding really familiar!” Dawn was officially freaking out. She was completely lost, and it was already three o’clock. Just as Dawn was about to give up hope, a voice was heard nearby.

“The boat to Unova is now departing! The boat to Unova is now departing!” Dawn followed the voice, and was led straight to the pier. But the boat was already leaving off shore!

“No way! I won’t lose!” Dawn yelled. Dawn pedaled into overdrive, and leapt off the pier. Dawn’s mind was racing incredibly fast, but she was able to realize that she was going to need an extra boost if she ever hoped to reach the ferry.

“No need to worry. No need to worry.” Dawn whispered to herself as she jumped off her bike and leaped for the ferry once more. She extended her hand out to the boats rail.

And she missed.

Dawn began hurtling down towards the ocean.

“No need to worry! No need to w- Oh what’s the use! I’m worrying, big time!” Dawn yelled as she fell. At that moment, however, a hand reached out and grabbed Dawn. She gasped. The hand pulled Dawn up and over the rail almost effortlessly. Dawn fell to the ground, exhausted from her near death experience. After her blood pressure returned to normal levels, she stood up to properly thank her rescuer.

“Thank you so much for saving me sir-huh?” Dawn took in the appearance of the person. It was a boy with purple hair that came down to his neck. He wore a blue jacket and grey pants. Dawn made the connection.

“Paul?! Is that you?” Dawn exclaimed.

“How do you know my name? Have I seen you before?” Paul asked in confusion.


Paul gave a chuckle. “Now I remember you. You’re Dawn. Why are you coming to Unova? There’s no official contests being held there.”

“For your information, Paul, I’m coming to the Unova region to compete in the Unova league.” Dawn sassed. Paul gave another chuckle, which angered Dawn beyond words.

“Good luck with that.” Paul mocked in his gruff voice, and he left.

“Grrr! YOU LITTLE BRAT! I’LL SHOW YOU!” Dawn screamed again, but Paul had already left. Dawn sighed. She looked over the boat’s railing.

“My poor bike!”

• • • •

“Finally, I’m here!” Dawn hoped off the boat and ran into the town.

“This must be the Nuvema Town mom was talking about. Now if I remember correctly, mom said to find her friend Ms.Tara’s house and talk to her. She said Ms.Tara lived in the northwestern part of town. It shouldn't take me very long at all!” Dawn happily said as she skipped down the trail. The trail was marked with beautiful flowers and grass. Dawn heard the flapping of wings and looked up to see what all the commotion was.

There were gray bird shaped Pokémon with oval shaped yellow eyes and heart shaped bellies.
“I wonder what Pokémon that is. Ooh, I am so excited! I have to hurry to Ms.Tara’s!”
It did not take long for Dawn to reach Tara’s house, and since this town wasn’t as big as Sandgem, she didn’t get lost even once. The doors opened automatically, and Dawn walked inside.

“Hello, is this Ms.Tara’s house?” A young woman with light brown fashioned as a mini beehive stepped outside the entryway.She wore a white T-shirt and green skirt with red and white sneakers. Her white lab coat flew through the wind.

“How do you know my first name? You must be Johanna’s daughter, Dawn, right?” The woman asked.

“Yeah, that’s right!”

“Well, you can just call me Prof. Juniper. Your mom already filled me in on all the details, so why don’t we get started, hmm? Follow me.”Following Prof.Juniper, Dawn was able to see more of the laboratory. It was clean and there were many individual rooms, which Dawn guessed were the areas that the professor did her research. Prof. Juniper led Dawn into another room. This room was about the size of Dawn’s kitchen back home. It had a huge computer on the far right side and a table situated in the middle. On the table sat three poke balls. Prof.Juniper grabbed them and threw the balls in the air.

The balls opened and released blue light, and as the light disappeared, three Pokémon were revealed. Prof. Juniper pointed to one of them. It was green and had a cute tail that ended with a leaf. It had a yellow stripe running down its back and a small yellow collar. It had small arms and skinny legs.

“This is Snivy, the Green Snake Pokémon. It is a cool and calm Pokémon. It uses photosynthesis with the leaf on the end of its tail.”

She then pointed to the Pokémon in the middle. It was a red and black pig with a cute snout and curly tail. It had a round snout and long black ears.

“This is Tepig, the Fire Pig Pokémon. It shoots smoke out of its snout if it gets sick. In all other circumstances, he shoots fire out his snout.”

Prof.Juniper moved her gaze over to the next and final Pokémon. It was a blue sea otter with a scalchop on its belly and an oval shaped brown nose.

“And this little one is Oshawott, the Sea Otter Pokémon. It fights with that scalchop on its belly. So what do you think? Which of these three Pokémon do you want to be your partner?”

“I don’t know. I like them all!” Dawn said with a big smile. The professor laughed at Dawn’s remark.

But their fun was cut short.

A smokescreen materialized in the room. Dawn and Prof.Juniper coughed from the smoke.
“I can’t see a thing, Prof. Juniper!” Dawn wailed.

“What’s going on here!?” Prof.Juniper raised her voice in anger.

“Oh, nothing! We just came to steal your ultra rare Pokémon, is all.” A mysterious voice answered. “Buh-Bye now!”

The smokescreen cleared. Dawn checked the table. Two Pokémon were missing!
“Prof. Juniper, Snivy and Tepig are gone!”

“What!? So they weren’t bluffing after all!” Prof. Juniper exclaimed. A young boy with black hair and glasses ran over. He had on skinny black pants and a blue coat.

“Prof.Juniper, are you all right? What happened?”

“Yes, Cheren, I’m fine. I was just about to give this girl a Pokémon when someone came and stole Snivy and Tepig.”

“New trainer...?” Cheren took in Dawn’s appearance until he found something that interested him. He ran up to her and grabbed her brightly colored Poketch. Dawn was taken off guard by the sudden movement.

“Is this a real Poketch?! I’ve never seen one before! Is this the first model? Because I really like the first model. It’s the simplicity that adds to its charm. Can you believe we don’t have any in Unova? What a bummer that is! It totally sucks! Do you mind if I do some tests? Please? Pretty Please?” Cheren was geeking out, and it was scaring poor Dawn.

“Uh..Sure?” Dawn reluctantly agreed.

“Oh, joyous day!” Cheren took the Poketch and ran back in the direction he came.

“Sorry about that. That’s Cheren, my assistant. Don’t worry though, he only gets like that with electronics. He doesn’t get excited by too much else.” Prof Juniper explained.

“That’s good to hear. Now let’s get back to the stolen Pokémon dilemma.

“You’re right. I think you should take Oshawott and go look for the thief. He couldn’t have gotten very far.”

“Sure thing, professor! Let’s go, Oshawott!” Dawn marched out the laboratory with Oshawott following close behind.

Dawn and Oshawott had been walking for quite a while.

“Auggh, I’m so exhausted! Where did this loser go anyway!”

“Osha, Oshawott!” Oshawot seemed to agree.

“Well, just as Prof.Juniper said, they couldn’t have gotten very far. Let’s keep go-

Ahhhhhhh!”Dawn couldn’t move!

“What is this?” Dawn was stuck on a weird silky thread. Then she remembered what that thread was.

“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I’m stuck in a spider web!!!” Dawn shook violently to try and get lose, but to no avail.

“Help meeeeeee!” Oshawott was startled by the scene and a group of Galvantula appeared. Galvantula are yellow spider shaped Pokémon with six appendages. They have six blue eyes and spiky blue hair protruded from their abdomen. They slowly advanced towards Dawn.

“No need to worry. No need to worry.” Oshawott had to act fast. It closed its eyes in concentration, and its face grew red hot. It then released a gush of hot water at the spider web.

“Hot, hot, HOT! Cool it with your attacks, will ya?” Dawn yelled.

“Oshawott…” Oshawott said in embarrassment. The Galvantula were angry now that they had been attacked and they released a brigade of electrically charged orbs at the sea otter Pokémon.
“Oshawott you gotta jump!” Dawn exclaimed. Oshawott jumped to dodge the powerful attack, electro ball, and they exploded in a nearby bush.

“Oshawott, do something with that scalchoppy thingy!” Dawn ordered.

Oshawott grabbed its scallchop from its stomach and a blue light poked out from the end of the seashell, shaping it like a sword. Oshawott descended from above with its signature move razor shell and sliced the net into mere pieces. The galvantula were frightened by this display of power and they scurried away. Dawn jumped down and landed safely on the ground.
“Thanks for saving me Oshawott! Now let’s go find these petty thieves!”
“Oshawott!” Oshawott gave a little dance.
“Let’s goo-“
“And where do you think you’re going?” A boy appeared out of the bush that was fried by the galvantulas’ electroball attack. The boy had long green hair that ended in a ponytail. He wore a black and grey baseball cap. His white shirt and khaki pants were neatly ironed.

“Look at what you’ve done to me!” The boy declared in anger.

“Purrloin!” A black cat situated on the boy’s shoulder.

“What..?” Dawn looked at the boy more closely now. His clothes were burnt and tattered in certain spots.

“And look what you’ve done to my roller skates..!” The boy held up his foot in front of Dawn’s face, and she could see it up close. There weren’t any wheels.

“But they look just like normal shoes…”

“That’s because you’ve taken the ROLL out of my roller skates!” The boy got into Dawn’s face.
“We didn’t do that! The Galvantula did! And don’t you know it’s rude to yell at someone without introducing yourself first!”

“Ahem. I’m sorry. My name is N. NOW BUY ME A NEW PAIR OF SKATES!”

“Wait..did you just say your name was N?” Dawn asked.

“Yes.” Dawn’s frown was lifted, and it turned into a smile. She snickered, and then began to laugh.

“Hahahaha! Is that short for noodle?” Dawn teased.


Or nincompoop?”

How about nose hair? Or nickel boxer?” Dawn and Oshawott rolled around the ground and squealed in laughter, tears falling from their eyes.

“My name’s N!!!”

“But seriously, don’t you think you should go by something that makes a bit more sense? Like Nathan?”


“Well, we’ve wasted enough time here. Oshawott and I have to go catch these burglars. See you later!”

“But wait..!” Dawn had already sped off.

Dawn kept running until she saw what appeared to be a giant raticate shaped balloon.

You have GOT to be kidding me, Dawn thought to herself.

“Hey, team rocket, you hand over Tepig and Snivy right now! I know you have them!” Dawn demanded. A blond haired woman and a green haired man resurfaced from the bottom of the balloon. They wore black uniforms with red R’s printed on them. The woman spoke first.

“Prepare for trouble!”

“And make it double!”

“To infect the world with devastation!”

“To blight all peoples in every nation!”

“To denounce the goodness of truth and love!”

“To extend our wrath to the stars above!”



“Team rocket circling the earth both day and night!”

“ Surrender to us now or you'll surely lose the fight!”

“Raticate!!!!” Their raticate jumped and yelled.

“Oh, no its Cassidy and Bub!” Dawn exclaimed.

“It’s Butch! BUTCH!” Butch yelled in anger of Dawn “BUTCHerring” his name.

“I remember you! You’re that sneaky little brat, Dawn!” Cassidy screamed.

“Well to bad you’re not saving the day this time! We’re much to high for your puny Oshawott to do anything!”


“Oh brother… But they’re right. What can I do!?” Dawn said to herself.

“You could watch us make our escape!”

“Purrloin, icy wind!” A frigid and cold blast of air enveloped Team Rocket’s balloon, and they began to sink. Fast.

“Now use quick attack!” The Pokémon ran at unbelievable speeds and rescued Tepig and Snivy from off the balloon.

“Purrloin? Wait…N?”

“Yup.” The boy appeared beside Dawn.

“Thanks a bunch, Nickel Boxer!”

“It’s N, N!” N screamed angrily.

“If you excuse us, children, we really need to be stealing back what we’ve stolen! Raticate, bite!”
“I’ve had just about enough! Oshawott,, use hot water attack!” Oshawott rolled its eyes in annoyance.

“It’s called Scald, Dawn.” N mocked.

“Oh. Oshawott, Scald!!!” Oshawott’s face grew hot once again and it released a powerful jet of steaming hot water, blasting Raticate right back at Butch and Cassidy!

“Waaaahhhh!” The blast launched the two thieves into the air.

“No waaaaay! We’re blasting offff!”

• • • •

Back at the lab, Dawn gave Prof. Juniper the stolen Pokémon back.

“Good work, Dawn! You recovered the stolen Pokémon, and you made a new friend!” Prof Juniper said, referencing to N.

“Thank you.” Dawn was beaming with pride.

“So did you decide what Pokemon you want?” Prof. Juniper asked.

“I’m going with Oshawott, no doubt!”

“I thought so. Here’s Oshawott’s pokeball. Why don’t you go ahead and recall it now?”

“Okay then. Oshawott, return!” Oshawott dodged the red beam and scurried up Dawn’s body and on top of her head. It wiggled itself under Dawn’s cap and made itself at home.

“What do you think you’re doing in there! You’re gonna mess up my hair! Get out!” Dawn fought with Oshawott to get it out of her hat.

N, Prof. Juniper, and Cheren all laughed at the two.

“Thanks for using your Leavanny to fix my clothes.”

“Oh you’re welcome. It’s the least I could do. It’s too bad about your roller skates, though.”

“Oh that’s okay. Dawn’s gonna pay me for them.”

“I am?” Dawn asked.

Yes you are!”

“No way-“

“If I may interrupt, Dawn, I finished researching your Poketch. I switched out the hard drive and upgraded it to a new operating system.” Cheren added.

“Thank you, even though I have no idea what that means! Haha!” Dawn laughed in spite of herself.

“I feel so bad. My new order of Pokedexes hasn’t come in yet.”

“It’s okay. I know most of the Pokémon around this part of the region.” N chimed in.

“But how does that help me?” Dawn annoyingly answered.

“I’m traveling along with you, of course!”

“Wait, what?”

“I said I’m keeping an eye on you until you buy back my roller skates. It’s a done deal, too. We’re traveling together.

“Well then, there’s a beautiful seaside resort at route 1. If you hurry, you two can make it there before dark.” Prof. Juniper explained to the kids.

“Really let’s go, N!” The two walked outside.



“You can call me Nathan from now on.”

“Okay, Nathan.”


“You’re welcome, Nickel boxer! Hahahaha!”

“Cut it out! It’s Nathan! NATHAN!”

12th February 2012, 11:52 PM
I stumbled across this while looking for new stuff, and I think it looks quite good. I noticed some mistakes though, and just as a warning, I intend to be quite picky with the little things I found. The overall idea of Dawn going to Unova to compete in Contests sounds interesting though.

It shouldn’t take me very long at all!”

Did you type this bit in a hurry?

go look for the theif.

Should be thief.

Dawn was couldn’t move!

You don't need the "was".

The galvantula

I noticed you doing this a few times, not capitalizing the names of the Pokemon. Is this intentional? It just doesn't read very well.

“It’s Butch! BUTCH!” Butch yelled in anger of Dawn “BUTCHerring” her name.

Shouldn't this be his? And do you need the second "r"? Nice pun though.

“Thanks for using your Leavanny

Capitalization issue again.

“I said I’m keeping an eye on you until you buy back my roller skates. It’s a done deal, too. We’re traveling together."

You missed the second set of speech marks.

Those are all the grammar/spelling issues I picked up on. I do have a couple of issues with your writing style though.

A young woman with light brown hair fashioned as a mini beehive stepped inside. She wore a white T-shirt and green skirt with red and white sneakers. The outfit was completed with a white lab coat.

Firstly, you forgot the word hair.
Ok, I admit I'm not the most experienced writer. However, this part felt quite stilted to me, the way you chopped the description into sentences. Using commas to link parts of the description together might help it to flow, as it also felt as if you were putting the story on hold just to describe the character, which is something I noticed happening constantly when descriptions of characters came in. I know from experience that description is hard to get right, but if you can, try to integrate it more into the story. An example of what I mean would be something like this:

A young girl with golden brown hair, stylised into distinctive spikes, appeared in the doorway. Her baggy purple hoodie and black jeans clashed with her bright red trainers, a long black overcoat completing her outfit.

Hopefully, that's a good example of what I mean when I say that you should use commas sometimes to make your descriptions in particular flow better.

I also wasn't sure about this part:

Galvantula are yellow spider shaped Pokémon.

It really doesn't feel like enough description was added here. The term "yellow spider shaped Pokemon" is just too vague. The descriptions for the starters were not amazing either. For example:

It was green and had a cute tail that ended with a leaf.

This doesn't give the reader enough information in my opinion. You don't say anything about its size, the shape of its body, key things like that. From reading this, someone would probably only get the idea that Snivy is a Pokemon with a reptilian-style body from Prof. Juniper's description of it as the Grass Snake Pokemon.

One thing I do like is your portrayal of N. While admittedly I'm struggling to figure out whether he's around the same age as in the games (people do have different concepts of the word "boy") or about Dawn's age, either way the idea of him being very childish about his roller skates kind of fits. I'm really interested to see how you adapt the storyline, him being the frontman for Team Plasma and all. Plus, I like fics that mess with the game storylines a bit. :)

Please don't get the idea that I'm trying to insult the story in any way. I do geniunely like the concept, it's just that there were quite a few things that I felt needed to be addressed here. Hopefully my comments are of some use, and I'd like to see what happens in the next chapter, if you haven't been discouraged from posting.

16th April 2012, 12:43 AM
Finally! I can work on my story again! I couldn't do it earlier because my English teacher was in overdrive, but now she's slowing down because the year's almost over! So I can work on this now! Yay! Oh and I also want to thank PhantomDragon for replying! Since I just took English II my language usage should improve. But I didn't proofread this chapter because I forgot. :O
“It’s so great that the resort was so close to Nuvema Town.” Dawn said. She and Nathan waited in line. They had just arrived in time to register for a room.
“Next, please.” A sweet voice called. Dawn and Nathan stepped up.
“Welcome to Route One Seaside Resort! My name is Nurse Joy.” The woman had her hair done in rosy pink and wore a white nurse’s uniform. “How may I help you today?”
“We want a room, please.” Dawn asked. Nurse Joy nodded for someone to come over. A pink and cream-colored pokemon came into view. It had long, droopy ears and a white fluffy tail.
“Audino, Nuse Joy asked, “Can you please show these two to their room?” The nurse handed Audino a room key and it began to walk away.
“What kind of pokemon is that?” Dawn asked with high interest. Nathan pulled on her arm.
“That’s just audino, Nurse Joy’s helper. Now come on before we lose sight of it!” Nathan tugged harder on Dawn’s arm and pulled her with him. It didn’t take long for them to reach the room. Audino handed Nathan the room key and he swiped it, opening the door. The two trainers stepped inside. The room was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen! The room had three neatly made beds in the back that were colored light brown. The floors were made of soft sewaddle silk that seemed to hug your toes in its softness. A plasma TV hung on the white wall, accompanied by luscious paintings native to the Unova region. There was a bathroom situated to the left, and from the looks of it, it was just as lovely as the bedroom.
“This is great!” Dawn exclaimed as she hopped on the bed that was closest to the window. Nathan nodded, and he sat on his own bed. Oshawott and Purrloin situated themselves to the edge of their beds and fell asleep. Dawn laid down on her back, and opened her mouth to speak.
“So, Nathan you never told me.”
“Told you what?” Nathan asked in sheer confusion.
“What your dream is? What do you want to do?” Dawn asked. Nathan grunted in response.
“That’s none of your business.”
“EXCUSE ME?” Dawn asked in anger, but she heard snoring, and it came to her attention that Nathan was already asleep. Frustated, she turned and looked out the window. The moon shone brightly in the dark blue sky.
“Good night, mom.” Dawn whispered as she fell asleep.
“Waaaaaagh! Hot, hot, HOT!!!” Dawn screamed in alarm. She had overslept, and Oshawott’s solution to the problem was to douse Dawn with a warm helping of its Scald attack. Dawn sat up and jumped off the bed. She was tempted to chase the sea otter pokemon across the room, but she had more urgent matters of importance to take care of. She grabbed her purse and ran to the mirror. She fixed her mess of hair that the bed and Oshawott’s scald had created.
“There! All ready!” Dawn jumped up and ran out the door. “I can’t wait to go outside! Come on, Oshawott!” Oshawott ran behind its trainer. “Hey, wait for me!” Dawn yelled after Nathan. Purrloin hopped on Nathan’s shoulder as he ran outside. Their room was moments away from a beautiful ocean view. The sand clung to the heels of their shoes. Oshawott ran to the water to play. Purrloin hurried after it.
“It’s times like these that make you wish you brought your bathing suit.” Dawn stated. Nathan nodded his head in agreement. Dawn looked around, and to her surprise, no other trainers were around. “Hey, Nathan, where do you think everyone went?”
“Probably to the shopping district is my guess.”
He plopped down on the sandy beach, and Dawn joined him. The two trainers were mesmerized by the ocean’s beauty. The sun shone brightly as Dawn kicked her feet out and laid down on her back. She closed her eyes, and absorbed the sun’s warmth.
“Oshawoooooooooooooooooooooooot!” Oshawot jumped on Dawn’s stomach, waking her up from her daze. She grabbed Oshawott and scolded him for his actions, but Oshawott didn’t listen, and pointed out towards the ocean. Nathan woke up and was already walking towards the ocean. Purrloin led the way. Dawn decided to follow the two.
“Oshawott, there’s nothing here!” Just at that moment, something broke free of the water. A pink floating squid appeared, and its expression wasn’t a nice one. It opened its mouth wide and a barrage of blue bubbles launched themselves at Dawn. Luckily, she was familiar with this attak, bubblebeam, and she dodged out of its way.
“What was that? Don’t you have any manners?! Oshawott, let’s go!”
“Dawn, I don’t think…”
“Tackle, tight now!” Oshawott leapt at the pokemon with all of its might. The pink pokemon didn’t make an effort to dodge the Tackle. At the moment the attack connected, Oshawott moved straight through the pokemon, which didn’t receive any damage. Dawn was baffled.
“What’s wrong now!?”
Nathan sighed. “That pokemon is Frillish, a water and ghost type pokemon. Normal type moves like tackle don’t have an effect. And water type moves won’t help much either.”
“Blah, blah, blah! If I wanted your help, I would have asked for it!”
“But you did.” Nathan argued.
“Ughhhh! Whatever! Oshawott, scald!” Oshawott tilted its head backward in preparation for the water type move. Frillish dove in head first and a green light surrounded it. Oshawott was almost ready for its scald attack.
“You better get Oshawott out of there.”
“Not your mouth again! Oshawott, new target!” Dawn pointed at Nathan.
Wait…What’re you do-“ Nathan and Purrloin were blasted with Oshawott’s powerful scald attack.
“Yeooowwww!” Nathan yelled in pain. Nathan glanced at purloin and saw how hurt it was from the attack. He grabbed Purrloin’s pokeball and sealed the injured pokemon inside.
“Good job, Oshawott, now use scald once more! On Frillish!” Dawn ordered. But it was too late. The green light that was surrounding Frillish earlier had enveloped itself around Oshawott and was sucking its energy away. Oshawott fell to the ground, knocked out.
“Oshawott!” Dawn ran towards Oshawott and returned it to its pokeball as well. She stared at the pokeball, wondering what she had done wrong. Frillish made a battle cry and launched another green light towards Dawn. By the time she looked up, the light was too close for dawn to jump out the way. She held her eyes tightly shut as she prepared herself for the end. “And I only just started…”
“Confusion!” A blue light grasped the absorb and sent it back at Frillish, sapping its own energy! Dawn opened her eyes and saw a white angelic pokemon floating in front of her. She recognized it as a togetic. The togetic was issued another order.
“Water pulse, now!” Togetic spun around as a blue orb of water formed at its right arm. The togetic launched the orb at Frillish before it had any time to react from the absorb attack. The squid pokemon dropped down to the sandy beach, knocked completely out. “Pokeball, go!” A red and white ball flew through the air and collided with the passed out pokemon. The ball opened and it encased Frillish in a blue light. The light sucked the pokemon into the ball and it shook once before the button on the ball blinked, indicating a successful capture. “All right!” Dawn and Nathan could now see their savior as she reached down to grab the poke ball. She had long and flowing orange hair and wore a white tank top and yellow shorts. Dawn ran up to introduce herself.
“Hi, I’m Dawn, and this is Nathan.” Nathan waived his hand at the girl in a friendly gesture. “Thanks so much for your help. But…who are you?” Dawn asked.
“The name’s Misty! I came to unova to compete in the water pokemon contests!” Misty answered.
“Really? I’ve never heard of those. I came here to compete in the unova league. I’m not too sure what Nathan wants to do.” Dawn said. Nathan laughed.
“Well, I have to be going now!” Misty started to leave.
“Wait!” yelled Dawn. “Why don’t you come and travel with us?”
“Really?” Misty thought for a moment. “Sure! That sounds fun!”

16th April 2012, 1:17 AM
Hmmm..... I dont think anyone would just decide to travel with some strangers after about four sentences. That's dangerous. And earlier Cheren said "I updated you poketch so ir can hold a lot more memory now." Then Dawn said "Thank you though I have no idea what that means!" ... What Cheren said was completely understandable. It was almost too easy to understand. You could have atleast said "It took some research but I finally figured out how to expand your hard drive. You have more room for software and other apps on your poketch now." That says the same basic thing just sounds a little better.

16th April 2012, 2:28 AM
Hmmm..... I don't think anyone would just decide to travel with some strangers after about four sentences.
That's Pokemon for you.

Anyways....Great story, Jmoney8872!! I really hope you can continue!!! ;D