View Full Version : What happens in a pokeball (rated pg if i am not mistaken for a brief beer reference)

23rd January 2012, 11:36 PM
Hello this is my first fanfic so be gentle on me also it contains a cameo at the end with lines from a youtube series I saw the owners are part of teamfourstar so all credit for the character and line goes to them. rate it and give me your opinion.


Jack: Hello, my name is Jack Gorath, and this my cousin Sheo Gorath.
Sheo: Don’t make fun of my name ladies and gentlemen or I will turn you into cheese!
Jack: Oooookay, also here is my good friend Joe Narrator.
Joe: I know we have weird names, just be glad my sister Azura isn’t here, or my uncle Jyggalag, or my father Kratos or………..
Jack: they get the idea!
Joe: My bad.
Jack: Anyway we are here to tell you what happens in a poke ball as well what it looks like in side for each Pokémon.
Sheo: Shall we get started?
Joe and Jack in unison: Lets.
Jack: For our first poke ball we shall get into…. Oh but before yes we have the technology to get inside poke ball (at least in this story) now for our first poke ball we shall enter a Regice’s poke ball or should I say great ball.
Inside regice’s great ball……
Jack: here you can see what this Pokémon’s poke ball looks like we have beautiful chandeliers, Ice sculptures of…. Errrr….. Regirock?!?
Sheo: Wow! That is a lot of Regirock Ice sculptures!!!!
Joe: Are you sure they aren’t Regice?..... Oh wait never mind…….
Sheo: I think this Regice is obsessed with Regirock……
Joe: Ya think? Hey it even has a hot tub! Wait…. Why would Regice have a hot tub and why are there rocks on the bottom of the hot tub?!?
Jack: Who knows? What I want to know is why there is a picture of a Garchomp on a dart board?
Sheo: shall we go into the next poke ball?
Jack: sure, are you ready Joe?
Joe: yes, let’s go.
Inside Charizards’ poke ball…..
Sheo: All righty then here we are in the mighty Charizard’s poke ball we even have the Charizard in it all ready and don’t worry we have already told Charizard why we are here and what we are doing as with all the other Pokémon we plan to visit.
Jack: We also have a t=Translator on us so you can know what the Pokémon is saying.
Joe: So Charizard who is your trainer?
Charizard: Pokémon master Red, he truly is the best there is at what he does.
Jack: Awesome, hey does Red treat you in any special manner?
Charizard: Yep, for one he gives me an all expense payed trip to the Fire Spa once a year.
Joe: What is the Fire Spa and have you ever battled Ash Ketchum?
Charizard: For your first question, the Fire Spa is a place for fire type Pokémon to relax have a magma bath, which is only for the tough high leveled Pokémon since it can cause some serious harm to the young and weak, we also receive massages as for your second question, yes me, Red and all of my friends/teammates have battled Ash Ketchum before…. It was the most boring battle of our lives he was just that easy.
Jack: Really? When did you battle him?
Charizard: March 29th 2011 off screen from his anime and our games I don’t want to talk about it because it was pathetically easy for us to win and he used his six “best” Pokémon including his own Charizard.
Sheo: Oh we see… Now let’s see what you have in this poke ball.
Charizard: Okay! First we have my 2,000 pound dumbbells and then my machine that simulates a 100 mile hike, up an impossibly steep, all the while carrying 800 pounds of weight on my pack and pulling 5 Snorlaxs up.
Jack, Joe, and Sheo: WOW!!!!!! No wonder you are so tough are all of Red’s Pokémon like this?
Charizard: pretty much.
Jack, Joe and Sheo: Oh.
Charizard: now let’s see here what else I can show you guys oh here is my 14 foot hi definition TV, and my solid gold sofa!
Jack: How do you get this stuff?
Charizard: My trainer is often challenged by rich people and INCREDIBLY stupid people.
Sheo: Oh we see. Sorry, we would love to see more of your poke ball but we have to go.
Charizard: That’s okay, come by any time!
Jack, Joe, and Sheo: Bye!
Mewtwo’s Master Ball…..
Jack: we were going to show a snorlax’s poke ball then a slaking’s but they are incredibly boring so here is Mewtwo’s Master ball oh and I like to apologize for not telling you what happens in a poke ball but hey at least you are getting ideas on what happens. Or so I assume.
Joe: Sheo isn’t here right now he is busy interviewing Ash’s charizard.
Jack: let’s see what we got here inside Mewtwo’s Master Ball. We got a snow globe the size of a house!
Joe: and a meditation room, plus a picture of Ash on a dart board and a picture of a guy named Wes who is apparently from the Oore region with a note from Mewtwo saying “why can’t you be my trainer?”
Jack: Hey look Mewtwo has a Mew punching bag and a Frieza picture that says….. Cousin Frieza? Okay weird.
Joe: Oh look there is Mewtwo! Hi, Mewtwo!
Jack and Joe: Okay okay we are out of here!!!
Ash’s Pikachu’s poke ball past and present………………
Joe: Hi Sheo how was Ash’s Charizard.
Sheo: Let’s just say that Charizard has issues. I also interviewed Squirtle and Bulbasaur apparently they do want to evolve but the writers won’t let them.
Jack: Anyway, now for our last Pokémon’s poke ball Ash’s Pikachu and in case you are wondering we borrowed this time machine from gold and silver since no one uses it any more first we shall check out present day Pikachu’s poke ball.
Inside Pikachu’s poke ball………….
Jack, Joe, and Sheo: WOW!!!!!!! It is nice in here!
Sheo: Why the heck does that electric rat doesn’t want to be in here he has 5 cheese fountains and 3 chocolate fountains!
Joe: And a bar that serves, root beer, beer, Pepsi, dr. pepper…………everything!
Jack: Is…. That….. A……. 40………. Foot….. Plasma screen hi definition TV……. with blu ray?!?
Sheo: A 5000 terabyte super computer the size of Texas, a mime and a clown punching bag, An impossibly soft queen size bed.
Joe: A leather sofa…. Why the heck doesn’t he want to be in here!!!!!! He won’t get lonely! Why? Because he has a teleport friend machine in here!
Jack: let’s go back in time to figure out why he doesn’t want to be in here!
Joe and Sheo: agreed!
Back in time……
Jack: all right here we are back in time let’s find out why Pikarat doesn’t want to be in his poke ball anymore!
Sheo: In hindsight how is traveling back in time going to tell us why Pikachu doesn’t want to be in his poke ball?
Joe: Because in the first episode of the anime Pikachu refused to go in its poke ball.
Jack: Quiet let’s see why Pikachu doesn’t want to be in his poke ball. Wait who is that dark creepy looking in here.
Sheo: I don’t know. But he looks familiar.
Joe: He does doesn’t he?
Jack: Yeah you guys are right he does…….. Oh no it can’t be…….
Joe: What the heck is he doing to Pikachu?!?
Mysterious figure(looking at them): Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!
Sheo: hi…..
Pikachu: help…… me………….
Mysterious figure: Pecking Order!
Pikachu: SORRY!
Jack: Is that a super-heated cattle prod!
Mysterious figure: All right maggots listen up I am about to teach you the pecking order it goes….
Jack: IT IS HIM!!!!!
Back home……..
Joe: Thank goodness we are safe.
Jack: Well wasn’t that fun! Until next time farewell!

24th January 2012, 2:47 AM
Considering that you just posted in the Fan Fiction Rules, I'm a little disappointed to see that you didn't read them closely enough.

Fics in script format (the way you wrote) are only allowed if they're done correctly. This means both skipping a line after each person talks as well as giving descriptions of the characters, the setting, the actions and characters' emotions. You can't just tell an entire story through dialogue like this - it gets repetitive, boring, and it's just plain hard to imagine. If the point is to show what it's like inside of a Pokéball (notice that it isn't spelled "poke ball"), then you really need to create a strong picture in the reader's mind of what it's like.

Please read the Fan fiction Rules, other Sticky threads, and some other fan fics on the board to get a better idea of what to do in the future. Good luck.